Photo credit: Heaven McArthur This is a question I'm sitting with, aspiring to, exploring, and living into.
What does mindfulness actually look like, feel like — beyond the concept? To truly embody it, live it, day to day and moment to moment. How will I know if I've done it? What will I see? What will I feel? What's the proof in my day, in my being?
I am a girl of many questions, clearly! Sitting with these questions — being curious, noticing what arises — this is part of mindfulness.
I think mindfulness may not even be the right word, because in order to be mindful, I need to get out of my head! The thoughts, fears, scenarios, and dreams that can take me so very far away — and drop into this moment, into my body, into my breath, which can only, only happen right now, right here. Even more — I need to get into my heart so that it can take the lead in my life.
What mindfulness means to me (in this moment):
• Being at choice and having intention as I move through the world.
• Noticing if my choices align with my intention — in other words, whether my words, actions, and decisions about how I spend my time and energy align with the way I say I want to feel, or the things I say I care about.
• Questioning, wondering, being honest about why I am doing what I'm doing or wanting what I want.
Mindfulness asks me to pause and wonder: Am I eating because I'm truly hungry, or am I bored, stressed, anxious? Am I picking up my phone and scrolling for a false sense of connection because I am lonely? Am I texting when I could call, or write an old-fashioned card or letter? What am I distracting myself from — and is that ok, or is there something I'd feel better having faced? Am I numbing out? If so, why? Or is this truly a mindful break I need?
And perhaps the most tender question: Am I rewarding myself? What have I done with the rest of my day that leaves me feeling I need or deserve a reward? Have I been unnecessarily harsh or pushy with myself, or have I depleted myself beyond my capacity?
Mindfulness also calls me to notice my capacity, and to know what really matters to me — and therefore deserves my time and attention — so that I can choose how I spend my time, what I give my energy to, and what I set aside.
Mindfulness helps me to break habits and break free from "shoulds" that arise from long-held conditioning, so that I can find my way — the way that is true for this soul, in this body, at this time. What works for me? Because it is not selfish, but rather mindful and intentional, to fill myself well so that I can show up from a filled place — nourished, present, grounded, aware, and resourced. From that place I can better speak up for causes that matter. I can be a better friend, partner, parent, or community member.
Mindfulness interrupts the spin, the chaos — and my goodness, there is a lot of spin right now that can easily pull me in and take me down. When it does, I become one more reactive cog in the wheel of insanity. I don't feel good about myself or my day when that's happened. I would much rather engage mindfully when I'm feeling grounded and clear.
Mindfulness also allows me to step back and recognize that each of us has our own way — our own set of experiences, beliefs, views, fears, hopes, and dreams — and to respect that we are connected, but not the same. My words and actions don't occur in a vacuum; they ripple out and affect others, and they affect me.
How they land on another person depends on their view, beliefs, trauma, experiences, and current state of mind and health. I can't predict or control any of that. But I can be intentional and choiceful on my side of things, and strive to be in line with my values. To be imperfect — because perfect doesn't exist — but to clean up, take responsibility, and apologize when I have been careless or caused harm (which I will, because I'm human).
Mindfulness means stepping back to see the bigger picture — to take in the whole of what's here. To look at a happy vacation or family photo and recognize that none of them had anything to do with how big my belly was. No one cared — even me, except when I saw a picture or a mirror. So maybe I can lighten up on myself and be kind to the body I have in this moment.
Building a new habit takes awareness, choice, and repetition. Also adaptation and tweaks toward something that feels meaningful enough to be repeated.
What mindfulness could look like:
• Meditating fully — giving myself over to practice with my sangha without taking notes or bouncing in and out. Closing my eyes more than usual to soften my face and mind — even though it's an open-eyed practice. Choosing myself over worrying about "doing it wrong."
• Staying for community — remaining off-camera, contributing through chat and hearts, and trusting that my presence and listening were a contribution in some way.
• Eating breakfast without my phone — a bowl of oatmeal with chia seeds, peanut butter, banana, and Penzey's cinnamon. Sitting in a chair by the window, noticing the scents, textures, flavors, sunshine, and trees. Just me and my oatmeal. Noticing how seldom this is how I do it!
• Leaving my phone at home on our walk — taking in beauty only with my eyes and ears. Does it still exist if I don't capture it to share? (Today's beauty is a practice I love, but not one I have to do every time!)
• Writing this piece by hand — without knowing if it will go anywhere, how long it is, or even if it makes sense. Simply because I love to write. Reminding myself that creativity does not equal productivity — or that it may sometimes, but doesn't have to all the time.
• Eating when hungry, choosing what would actually fuel me — not just a quick reward on my tongue.
• Setting my phone down for stretches of time — and when I did pick it up, deciding what actually needed my attention or action. Or choosing to give myself a break to play some of my favorite phone games which actually do bring me a little joy! (I am loving Garden Joy and Venue!)
• Noticing when Facebook was draining me and getting out — saving myself before it was too late!
An invitation
This is what's brewing for me as I contemplate what it really means to be mindful, and how I can continue to practice and cultivate this way of being — in a time when it's more needed than ever. I notice that a lot of this has to do with my relationship with technology — my phone, my computer in particular — and what I am allowing into my time and space.
What does it mean to you to be mindful? How do you build your practice of living this way? Please share — so we can all learn and grow together. I can't think of a better quality to cultivate as we intend to be part of creating a better world.
✨❤️Retreat with us: If you'd love some time and space to be with yourself in a heart-opening circle of women in a magnificent place, join us at Light on the Hill, in the gorgeous Finger Lakes of NY, for Come Home to Yourself, September 24-27th!
What does mindfulness actually look like, feel like — beyond the concept? To truly embody it, live it, day to day and moment to moment. How will I know if I've done it? What will I see? What will I feel? What's the proof in my day, in my being?
I am a girl of many questions, clearly! Sitting with these questions — being curious, noticing what arises — this is part of mindfulness.
I think mindfulness may not even be the right word, because in order to be mindful, I need to get out of my head! The thoughts, fears, scenarios, and dreams that can take me so very far away — and drop into this moment, into my body, into my breath, which can only, only happen right now, right here. Even more — I need to get into my heart so that it can take the lead in my life.
What mindfulness means to me (in this moment):
• Being at choice and having intention as I move through the world.
• Noticing if my choices align with my intention — in other words, whether my words, actions, and decisions about how I spend my time and energy align with the way I say I want to feel, or the things I say I care about.
• Questioning, wondering, being honest about why I am doing what I'm doing or wanting what I want.
Mindfulness asks me to pause and wonder: Am I eating because I'm truly hungry, or am I bored, stressed, anxious? Am I picking up my phone and scrolling for a false sense of connection because I am lonely? Am I texting when I could call, or write an old-fashioned card or letter? What am I distracting myself from — and is that ok, or is there something I'd feel better having faced? Am I numbing out? If so, why? Or is this truly a mindful break I need?
And perhaps the most tender question: Am I rewarding myself? What have I done with the rest of my day that leaves me feeling I need or deserve a reward? Have I been unnecessarily harsh or pushy with myself, or have I depleted myself beyond my capacity?
Mindfulness also calls me to notice my capacity, and to know what really matters to me — and therefore deserves my time and attention — so that I can choose how I spend my time, what I give my energy to, and what I set aside.
Mindfulness helps me to break habits and break free from "shoulds" that arise from long-held conditioning, so that I can find my way — the way that is true for this soul, in this body, at this time. What works for me? Because it is not selfish, but rather mindful and intentional, to fill myself well so that I can show up from a filled place — nourished, present, grounded, aware, and resourced. From that place I can better speak up for causes that matter. I can be a better friend, partner, parent, or community member.
Mindfulness interrupts the spin, the chaos — and my goodness, there is a lot of spin right now that can easily pull me in and take me down. When it does, I become one more reactive cog in the wheel of insanity. I don't feel good about myself or my day when that's happened. I would much rather engage mindfully when I'm feeling grounded and clear.
Mindfulness also allows me to step back and recognize that each of us has our own way — our own set of experiences, beliefs, views, fears, hopes, and dreams — and to respect that we are connected, but not the same. My words and actions don't occur in a vacuum; they ripple out and affect others, and they affect me.
How they land on another person depends on their view, beliefs, trauma, experiences, and current state of mind and health. I can't predict or control any of that. But I can be intentional and choiceful on my side of things, and strive to be in line with my values. To be imperfect — because perfect doesn't exist — but to clean up, take responsibility, and apologize when I have been careless or caused harm (which I will, because I'm human).
Mindfulness means stepping back to see the bigger picture — to take in the whole of what's here. To look at a happy vacation or family photo and recognize that none of them had anything to do with how big my belly was. No one cared — even me, except when I saw a picture or a mirror. So maybe I can lighten up on myself and be kind to the body I have in this moment.
Building a new habit takes awareness, choice, and repetition. Also adaptation and tweaks toward something that feels meaningful enough to be repeated.
What mindfulness could look like:
• Meditating fully — giving myself over to practice with my sangha without taking notes or bouncing in and out. Closing my eyes more than usual to soften my face and mind — even though it's an open-eyed practice. Choosing myself over worrying about "doing it wrong."
• Staying for community — remaining off-camera, contributing through chat and hearts, and trusting that my presence and listening were a contribution in some way.
• Eating breakfast without my phone — a bowl of oatmeal with chia seeds, peanut butter, banana, and Penzey's cinnamon. Sitting in a chair by the window, noticing the scents, textures, flavors, sunshine, and trees. Just me and my oatmeal. Noticing how seldom this is how I do it!
• Leaving my phone at home on our walk — taking in beauty only with my eyes and ears. Does it still exist if I don't capture it to share? (Today's beauty is a practice I love, but not one I have to do every time!)
• Writing this piece by hand — without knowing if it will go anywhere, how long it is, or even if it makes sense. Simply because I love to write. Reminding myself that creativity does not equal productivity — or that it may sometimes, but doesn't have to all the time.
• Eating when hungry, choosing what would actually fuel me — not just a quick reward on my tongue.
• Setting my phone down for stretches of time — and when I did pick it up, deciding what actually needed my attention or action. Or choosing to give myself a break to play some of my favorite phone games which actually do bring me a little joy! (I am loving Garden Joy and Venue!)
• Noticing when Facebook was draining me and getting out — saving myself before it was too late!
An invitation
This is what's brewing for me as I contemplate what it really means to be mindful, and how I can continue to practice and cultivate this way of being — in a time when it's more needed than ever. I notice that a lot of this has to do with my relationship with technology — my phone, my computer in particular — and what I am allowing into my time and space.
What does it mean to you to be mindful? How do you build your practice of living this way? Please share — so we can all learn and grow together. I can't think of a better quality to cultivate as we intend to be part of creating a better world.
✨❤️Retreat with us: If you'd love some time and space to be with yourself in a heart-opening circle of women in a magnificent place, join us at Light on the Hill, in the gorgeous Finger Lakes of NY, for Come Home to Yourself, September 24-27th!
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