It occurred to me that although I’ve been on a mission that has made and distributed over 450 CompassioNate Care Bags since August 2023, I haven’t talked a lot about why this mission means so much to me. I’m assuming you can tell that issues of mental health, substance use, and homelessness are important to me and that compassion and kindness are my jam. But why?
Our Story - What We Didn't Know and What We've Learned
💕 Before our beautiful son, Nate, passed on March 29, 2023 just shy of his 30th birthday, we had gone through 14 years of pain, struggle, challenge, as a result of substance use and other serious mental health challenges on top of a lifetime of school struggles. Life for us, and particularly for Nate, was beyond hard. In those 14 years, despite our love and efforts to help him, there were too many times he struggled with homelessness in part because Tom and I didn’t know what we know now.
We didn’t understand that his behaviors were serving him in some way, even though there were so many negative consequences taking a toll on him and us. We didn’t know that ambivalence, especially when one is considering a gigantic change like recovery, is super normal and not a reflection of his desire to get better or how much he cared about himself or us. We didn’t know that there were ways to recover other than traditional treatment, 12 step programs, or abstinence – all things he had tried and “failed” at, giving him more things to beat himself up for. These are the lost “tough love years” which I grieve along with grieving his death.
Not only were we lacking in knowledge, understanding, and guidance, but because we hadn’t yet found the Invitation to Change and had never heard of peer support, recovery coaching, or harm reduction, we were misinformed about addiction and misguided about our role and ability to help. We hadn’t yet met other parents who had found healthy ways to be in relationship with their kid or professionals who knew effective ways for families to recover together. We believed we needed to let him (or make him) hit rock bottom, we shouldn’t help him for fear of enabling, and we were powerless.
Society’s prevailing messages convinced us that trying to detach was what love required of us. The chaos in our lives was painful, harmful, and ineffective for us all. Not only did tough love not help Nate’s recovery, it took away his family support and put him in survival mode which only contributed to his cycle of shame, use, more shame, and more use. It hacked away at our relationship, broke trust on both sides, and put Nate in situations where he experienced trauma we’ll never know about.
In the times when he couldn’t live with us and didn’t know where to turn, various people - friends, family, professionals, and strangers - stepped in as angels on earth, helping him make it one more hour, one more day, and possibly 11 more years than he might have had otherwise. I am forever grateful for the people who turned toward him in his times of despair, letting him know he wasn’t alone, that someone cared, and that he and his life mattered. I am deeply grateful for those who extended kindness, care, compassion, and a hand up when he felt desperately lost, and we didn’t know what to do.
Paying it Forward with Gratitude
💕 That love and those people fuel my intention with the beautiful bright CompassioNate Care Bags as one way to pay it forward. My husband, friends, and I load up these bags with niceties (pens, notebooks, and a little money) and necessities (resource numbers, personal care items, clothing, food, and drug testing strips and Naloxone) to spread this ripple of love to people, our community members, who may be feeling lost and alone. My friend, Chris Abert, from the NY Recovery Alliance, says, “Yours may be the last interaction a person has. Be kind.” Makes good sense to me.
Doing What We Can
💕 I’m embarrassed to admit the times I struggled with what to do when I saw a person sitting alongside a building or standing on a corner with a sign asking for help. One December, in NYC I saw a person bundled in dirty blankets, sitting on cardboard outside Macy’s with a sign declaring, “You don’t even see me.” Oooph! That hit my heart hard. They weren’t wrong – thousands of people looked away as they went on with their shopping and window-gazing.
Though I always felt a tug to help, I was afraid to offer money for fear they’d use it for drugs or alcohol. Why did I care? I’m not in charge of that. Maybe they’ll get a McDonald’s meal, a cup of coffee and a donut, and they’ll be a tad more comfortable for a little bit. Maybe they won’t, but I don’t have to assume the worst. Far too many times I’ve looked away and moved past someone in need, my heart breaking, feeling powerless and lamely excusing myself with, “You can’t help everyone.” No, I can’t help everyone, but I can do what I can.
Everyone is Someone's Child
💕 Knowing that any one of these people in need could be my son and remembering that they are someone’s child, I now look at people and see their humanity. Not too long after Nate died, I pulled off the highway and noticed a man staggering by the railing, looking as if he might fall over. I stopped, rolled down the window, held out my hand and offered a snack, some money, and a card with Nate’s picture, some encouraging messages and local resource numbers on it. I looked this man in the eye, and said, “This is for you. My son died. I don’t want that to happen to you. Here are some numbers and some things for you.” He asked my son’s name, I told him, and he kindly offered his prayers for us. I pulled away sobbing, heart breaking open, somehow knowing this was only the beginning.
A Collective Effort Honoring a Legacy of Love
💕 These care bags are created with so much generous support from others. They provide a chance to offer a little kindness, to see and reach out to our neighbors in need. One of the things I love most about Nate is that no matter how little he had or how hard he was struggling, he always thought of others, shared what he had, and did what he could for people who were struggling. This project keeps his legacy of love and caring alive. I am deeply grateful to the hundreds of people who have donated items, cash, time, and energy to help reach and serve people in need with over 450 bags that have been gifted in the Rochester area and beyond!
❤️I am deeply grateful to RAW Recovery, the NY Recovery Alliance, and Samadhi who have helped me include critical harm reduction supplies in these bags. Please consider supporting these organizations in the compassionate, vital work they are doing.
What it's been Like
💕 My friend, Cheri, who has jumped onboard with boundless passion, has so many beautiful stories to share – taking Leo for coffee, learning he’s an artist and buying his beautiful painting of a moon; seeing a woman collapsed on the sidewalk, pulling over, grabbing Narcan from a bag and reversing an overdose. Cheri regularly looks for people in need, asks them if they’re hungry, if they need water, and encourages them to call home as she hands them her phone. She gives hugs freely and meets people where they are, as they are. We don’t know how things play out, but we know in these moments a genuine heart-to-heart, soul-to-soul connection has been made.
Another friend carries bags with her, hands them out at lights, and wonders about the stories of the folks she reaches. People share how surprised and grateful recipients are to be seen and treated kindly. Some volunteers have enhanced the bags with an apple, another snack bar, a little more money, or some clothing they’d otherwise leave sitting in a drawer unused. They have chats with people they are meeting and sometimes share a hug.
This project benefits both the giver and the receiver! Our volunteers are people who don’t typically work in street outreach - people who want to make a difference, to do something, and haven’t known how. These bags offer a relatively easy and meaningful way to make a direct impact to a person in need who often feels invisible or scorned.
If I'm in a funk, nothing lifts me like being able to share a heart-to-heart connection, a smile, and a little offering of compassion and kindness.
If You'd Like to Be Part of the CompassioNate Care Mission
💕 Each bag costs between $20-25 because they are chock full of goodness. If you’d like to be part of the CompassioNate Care mission, there are a variety of ways you can join in. Find what feels good, right, and doable to you, whether that’s shopping for items directly from the wish list, sending donations that allow me to shop and fulfill my commitment, or by being one of the people to carry these bright bags and hand them out with a smile and a blessing when there’s an opportunity! Thank you to those who’ve helped me so far and thank you to those who’d like to jump in now!
And to all of us, may we be beacons of light, hope, and kindness in a world that is desperately in need.
✨Here's how to help create CompassioNATE Care Bags ✨
We last put together 142 bags to hand out in the Rochester area in June - our magical number of 111 plus 31 for his 31st birthday. I anticipate assembling our next batch this fall, sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
🌟 Each bag has a card in it with Nate's picture, encouraging messages, and resource numbers to support people in finding the support they need.
🌟 It's easy to contribute! I've created a wishlist which is open for ongoing donations to make it easy for anyone from anywhere to contribute the items we need.
🌟 Cash donations: We could also use cash donations - these help me to buy what's missing and to put a $5 cash in each bag. You can contribute in this way through Venmo - @Barbara-Klein-25. Simply note “Care Bags” to let me know to direct your goodwill to this effort.
🌟 Want to send loving encouragement? If you'd like to write some notes of love, care, and encouragement to be included in the bags, please mail them to me at PO Box 612, Livonia, NY 14487 - send them any time, I will include them in the next batch we put together.
🌟 Willing to help hand out bags? I'm looking for people in the Rochester area to carry bags with them and hand out when they see people in need. Contact me if you're willing to be one of these people!
🌟Want to help this mission grow? Maybe you live outside the Rochester area or you're part of a group that would like to assemble and distribute bags - I'm happy to help you get started. Just e-mail me and I can share with you what I've done and help you get the resource number cards with Nate's picture and messages on the front. I'm very grateful to my friend, Judy, for helping bring some cards and bags to the Albany area in our first large-scale out of area effort!
Let's open our hearts and spread some compassion this summer! You can help to spread some light, warmth, and love to those who need it most.
Thank you so much for your consideration! The journey continues! The love lives on!
Many thanks to News 8 for covering this effort in a short story in June. You can watch here.
Our Story - What We Didn't Know and What We've Learned
💕 Before our beautiful son, Nate, passed on March 29, 2023 just shy of his 30th birthday, we had gone through 14 years of pain, struggle, challenge, as a result of substance use and other serious mental health challenges on top of a lifetime of school struggles. Life for us, and particularly for Nate, was beyond hard. In those 14 years, despite our love and efforts to help him, there were too many times he struggled with homelessness in part because Tom and I didn’t know what we know now.
We didn’t understand that his behaviors were serving him in some way, even though there were so many negative consequences taking a toll on him and us. We didn’t know that ambivalence, especially when one is considering a gigantic change like recovery, is super normal and not a reflection of his desire to get better or how much he cared about himself or us. We didn’t know that there were ways to recover other than traditional treatment, 12 step programs, or abstinence – all things he had tried and “failed” at, giving him more things to beat himself up for. These are the lost “tough love years” which I grieve along with grieving his death.
Not only were we lacking in knowledge, understanding, and guidance, but because we hadn’t yet found the Invitation to Change and had never heard of peer support, recovery coaching, or harm reduction, we were misinformed about addiction and misguided about our role and ability to help. We hadn’t yet met other parents who had found healthy ways to be in relationship with their kid or professionals who knew effective ways for families to recover together. We believed we needed to let him (or make him) hit rock bottom, we shouldn’t help him for fear of enabling, and we were powerless.
Society’s prevailing messages convinced us that trying to detach was what love required of us. The chaos in our lives was painful, harmful, and ineffective for us all. Not only did tough love not help Nate’s recovery, it took away his family support and put him in survival mode which only contributed to his cycle of shame, use, more shame, and more use. It hacked away at our relationship, broke trust on both sides, and put Nate in situations where he experienced trauma we’ll never know about.
In the times when he couldn’t live with us and didn’t know where to turn, various people - friends, family, professionals, and strangers - stepped in as angels on earth, helping him make it one more hour, one more day, and possibly 11 more years than he might have had otherwise. I am forever grateful for the people who turned toward him in his times of despair, letting him know he wasn’t alone, that someone cared, and that he and his life mattered. I am deeply grateful for those who extended kindness, care, compassion, and a hand up when he felt desperately lost, and we didn’t know what to do.
Paying it Forward with Gratitude
💕 That love and those people fuel my intention with the beautiful bright CompassioNate Care Bags as one way to pay it forward. My husband, friends, and I load up these bags with niceties (pens, notebooks, and a little money) and necessities (resource numbers, personal care items, clothing, food, and drug testing strips and Naloxone) to spread this ripple of love to people, our community members, who may be feeling lost and alone. My friend, Chris Abert, from the NY Recovery Alliance, says, “Yours may be the last interaction a person has. Be kind.” Makes good sense to me.
Doing What We Can
💕 I’m embarrassed to admit the times I struggled with what to do when I saw a person sitting alongside a building or standing on a corner with a sign asking for help. One December, in NYC I saw a person bundled in dirty blankets, sitting on cardboard outside Macy’s with a sign declaring, “You don’t even see me.” Oooph! That hit my heart hard. They weren’t wrong – thousands of people looked away as they went on with their shopping and window-gazing.
Though I always felt a tug to help, I was afraid to offer money for fear they’d use it for drugs or alcohol. Why did I care? I’m not in charge of that. Maybe they’ll get a McDonald’s meal, a cup of coffee and a donut, and they’ll be a tad more comfortable for a little bit. Maybe they won’t, but I don’t have to assume the worst. Far too many times I’ve looked away and moved past someone in need, my heart breaking, feeling powerless and lamely excusing myself with, “You can’t help everyone.” No, I can’t help everyone, but I can do what I can.
Everyone is Someone's Child
💕 Knowing that any one of these people in need could be my son and remembering that they are someone’s child, I now look at people and see their humanity. Not too long after Nate died, I pulled off the highway and noticed a man staggering by the railing, looking as if he might fall over. I stopped, rolled down the window, held out my hand and offered a snack, some money, and a card with Nate’s picture, some encouraging messages and local resource numbers on it. I looked this man in the eye, and said, “This is for you. My son died. I don’t want that to happen to you. Here are some numbers and some things for you.” He asked my son’s name, I told him, and he kindly offered his prayers for us. I pulled away sobbing, heart breaking open, somehow knowing this was only the beginning.
A Collective Effort Honoring a Legacy of Love
💕 These care bags are created with so much generous support from others. They provide a chance to offer a little kindness, to see and reach out to our neighbors in need. One of the things I love most about Nate is that no matter how little he had or how hard he was struggling, he always thought of others, shared what he had, and did what he could for people who were struggling. This project keeps his legacy of love and caring alive. I am deeply grateful to the hundreds of people who have donated items, cash, time, and energy to help reach and serve people in need with over 450 bags that have been gifted in the Rochester area and beyond!
❤️I am deeply grateful to RAW Recovery, the NY Recovery Alliance, and Samadhi who have helped me include critical harm reduction supplies in these bags. Please consider supporting these organizations in the compassionate, vital work they are doing.
What it's been Like
💕 My friend, Cheri, who has jumped onboard with boundless passion, has so many beautiful stories to share – taking Leo for coffee, learning he’s an artist and buying his beautiful painting of a moon; seeing a woman collapsed on the sidewalk, pulling over, grabbing Narcan from a bag and reversing an overdose. Cheri regularly looks for people in need, asks them if they’re hungry, if they need water, and encourages them to call home as she hands them her phone. She gives hugs freely and meets people where they are, as they are. We don’t know how things play out, but we know in these moments a genuine heart-to-heart, soul-to-soul connection has been made.
Another friend carries bags with her, hands them out at lights, and wonders about the stories of the folks she reaches. People share how surprised and grateful recipients are to be seen and treated kindly. Some volunteers have enhanced the bags with an apple, another snack bar, a little more money, or some clothing they’d otherwise leave sitting in a drawer unused. They have chats with people they are meeting and sometimes share a hug.
This project benefits both the giver and the receiver! Our volunteers are people who don’t typically work in street outreach - people who want to make a difference, to do something, and haven’t known how. These bags offer a relatively easy and meaningful way to make a direct impact to a person in need who often feels invisible or scorned.
If I'm in a funk, nothing lifts me like being able to share a heart-to-heart connection, a smile, and a little offering of compassion and kindness.
If You'd Like to Be Part of the CompassioNate Care Mission
💕 Each bag costs between $20-25 because they are chock full of goodness. If you’d like to be part of the CompassioNate Care mission, there are a variety of ways you can join in. Find what feels good, right, and doable to you, whether that’s shopping for items directly from the wish list, sending donations that allow me to shop and fulfill my commitment, or by being one of the people to carry these bright bags and hand them out with a smile and a blessing when there’s an opportunity! Thank you to those who’ve helped me so far and thank you to those who’d like to jump in now!
And to all of us, may we be beacons of light, hope, and kindness in a world that is desperately in need.
✨Here's how to help create CompassioNATE Care Bags ✨
We last put together 142 bags to hand out in the Rochester area in June - our magical number of 111 plus 31 for his 31st birthday. I anticipate assembling our next batch this fall, sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
🌟 Each bag has a card in it with Nate's picture, encouraging messages, and resource numbers to support people in finding the support they need.
🌟 It's easy to contribute! I've created a wishlist which is open for ongoing donations to make it easy for anyone from anywhere to contribute the items we need.
🌟 Cash donations: We could also use cash donations - these help me to buy what's missing and to put a $5 cash in each bag. You can contribute in this way through Venmo - @Barbara-Klein-25. Simply note “Care Bags” to let me know to direct your goodwill to this effort.
🌟 Want to send loving encouragement? If you'd like to write some notes of love, care, and encouragement to be included in the bags, please mail them to me at PO Box 612, Livonia, NY 14487 - send them any time, I will include them in the next batch we put together.
🌟 Willing to help hand out bags? I'm looking for people in the Rochester area to carry bags with them and hand out when they see people in need. Contact me if you're willing to be one of these people!
🌟Want to help this mission grow? Maybe you live outside the Rochester area or you're part of a group that would like to assemble and distribute bags - I'm happy to help you get started. Just e-mail me and I can share with you what I've done and help you get the resource number cards with Nate's picture and messages on the front. I'm very grateful to my friend, Judy, for helping bring some cards and bags to the Albany area in our first large-scale out of area effort!
Let's open our hearts and spread some compassion this summer! You can help to spread some light, warmth, and love to those who need it most.
Thank you so much for your consideration! The journey continues! The love lives on!
Many thanks to News 8 for covering this effort in a short story in June. You can watch here.
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