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Happy Birthday, Ethel!

5/25/2020

6 Comments

 
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It’s Memorial Day.  And, it’s also my mother-in-law’s birthday.  She would have been 95, and our missing her is strong, as she’s only been gone for a couple of months.  This morning I reflected on the life she lived and the tenacity, persistence, strength, and heart it must have taken for her to live it. 

Her husband died in 1965, leaving her with 4 boys to raise (from my husband who wasn’t yet even a year old to his oldest brothers who were both already in college).  She had to learn to find an inner strength in the midst of what I imagine was tremendous grief.   She had to learn to ask for help, which I imagine did not come easily to this fiercely independent woman.  What she didn’t need to do was to find another man to complete her.  She knew she was complete as she was, and nobody was going to tell her how to parent! 

Ethel, I love you, and I honor you, and I am so very grateful for all that you did for us and for our boys.  They love you with all their hearts and will never forget the special relationship you had.  Thank you for being an integral part of our lives.  Thank you for giving birth to Tom and raising him to be such an amazing man, husband, and father.  Ethel, you done good!  Are you kidding me!?  You done great!! You are a hero.

On this day, which happens to also be Memorial Day, as we honor the heroes of this land, I include you.  Against all odds, you raised 4 boys to be independent, strong, wise, loving, caring men who each was able to walk his own path, find his own way, and become who he was born to be. 
But, that wasn’t enough for you, dear lady.  Your heart was so big that you helped the lost ones in school – the kids who no one else was able to help or support; the kids that others thought were a problem.  You showed up for them, loved them, and found a way to teach them.  What’s more is they delighted you with their mischievous ways!!

That wasn’t enough.  Your mission in this life was to help kids, and you wanted to do even more!  So, at the youthful age of 60 you decided to become a foster mother.  Wow!  I know you saved some lives and families with your commitment to loving and supporting them through some tough, tough times.  Thank you.  I honor you. 

Thank you for your service.  Thank you for showing your boys what a strong, independent woman does!  You amaze me, and thank you for unleashing my heart and soul to flourish.  Witnessing you and learning from you has helped me to claim my strength and to find my way.  You broke the mold you were told to live in, and have helped me to do the same! 

Thank you for bringing your fierceness in alongside my mom’s softness and quiet strength.  You have both shown me what it’s like to rise above the adversity of unexpected and deep loss and to find your way in uncharted territory, carving out your own way, living a life that was full and rich and fulfilling.  Each one of you being you.  In your way. 

Yes, the men of our families went to war, and today they will be remembered and honored, and today I also remember and honor the women who carried on at home.  The women who somehow tended to themselves and their families until they could break free to be who they were born to be.  The women who climbed Bald Mountain in their 70’s!!  Today I honor you women who showed me how to live and love deeply and fiercely. Women who showed me that you don’t curl up and die when the going gets tough, but you somehow find a way to keep on going and find the things that bring you joy! 
​
Happy birthday, Ethel! I hope you and Betty have found one another and are having a great picnic party today!! 

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6 Comments

What Do You Love?

5/8/2020

1 Comment

 
PictureImage by congerdesign from Pixabay 
Now wait… before you read on,… pause.   Take a breath.  Maybe close your eyes and put your hands on your heart.  Get curious.  With an open mind and an open heart, ask, with genuine interest… what do I love? Then see what rises up.  Be willing to be surprised.  What DO you love??
 
Recently I posed this question to a group of women who may not often think about this, particularly in the context I asked it.  Also, I asked it in the middle of a global pandemic at a time when many of us are feeling weary, worried, unsettled, and uncertain.  I asked moms of kids who struggle with substance use disorder –what do you love about your son or daughter?  What are their best qualities? 

Lots of women replied, naming so many beautiful qualities their kids embody, acknowledging that it’s been awhile since they’ve reflected on these aspects of kids who are often associated with pain and struggle.  Which was exactly my point in asking the question.  Not to pretend that the horrendous experiences aren’t there, but to remember that beneath this disease, there is still a loving, caring, kind, humorous, creative, generous being. 

If there is a person in your life with whom you have a challenging or complicated relationship, you might take a moment to consider what qualities you love in this person.  

Why am I asking you now at a time when there’s so much we don’t like, so much we are worried, scared, or discombobulated about?? 

I find it really helpful to remember that the whole messy mix can be true at the same time.  It’s not all or nothing, black or white, good or bad.  Rarely does life present itself in a neat package despite our mind’s desire to simplify it that way. 

We look at what we love, not to erase or to pretend that the painful, uncomfortable, less desirable things aren’t also here.  We do this to see that there’s room for it all.  That it can ALL be here, at the same time, in the same reality, in the same heart.  We don’t have to choose what we hate or what we love, what we’re for or what we’re against, what we want to lean into or what we want to eradicate forever.  We can be with it all.  You can love the sunshine and warmth, remembering that beach in your happy place, even as you cringe at the snow that is here when it shouldn’t be! 

It’s a simple practice to wonder and to notice from time to time.  And, so, I ask you, even in your sadness, despair, worry, or fear, to consider, remember or discover the part of you that loves.

Right now… consider, what do you love? 

About yourself? What are your best qualities? (let's start here... and, if you go no further, that will be more than enough!) 

About the situation you find yourself in? 

About life?

About the person or people who challenge you deeply? 

What do you love to do? Eat? Experience? 

Who do you adore, and what is it about them that you love?

What do you love to be? Do? Have? 

Feel into it with all of your senses – what images, thoughts, scents, feelings emerge?  What brings a smile to your face or lights you up inside? 

What brings a sweet “aaahhhh….?”

For me, a few things that come to mind right now that I love are sunsets; lakes and oceans; “The Grinch;” Snoopy; the smell of a bonfire or fresh-baked bread; sunshine and warm, fresh air; laughter; deep honest connections;  the smell of a horse farm and feeling my body sway with a horse; and helping other people light up! 

Now, let's be honest... it might be way easier to know what we don’t like, what we wish were different, even what we hate…  And if that’s where your mind goes, then start there.  When we’re deep in the muck, it can be hard to see out.  Then, take a moment and look at the flip side.  The opposite of what you hate is likely what you love or what you’re longing for. 

Let it all be here.  There is no need to jump over the uncomfortable, the painful, the sad or scary to get to the happy, peaceful, joyful feelings.  We have the capacity to hold it all in these hearts of ours. 

When we can touch in with what we love, we soften, if only for a moment.  Something inside of us stirs.   We awaken maybe a long-forgotten spark.  We connect with something deep and true. 

From this place, maybe we allow ourselves to dream or desire.  Or maybe we allow ourselves to simply accept someone else as they are, even with the parts we don’t like or wish weren’t there.  Maybe for a minute we are able to see the essential goodness in another person. Maybe we energize ourselves enough to take that next step. 

What do you love? 
​

Feel into it.  Awaken your heart.  And, then please share in the comments and let’s sprinkle some love around today! 

1 Comment
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    About me...

    I am a writer, coach, and teacher, and I love capturing life's many moments through writing, whether that be journalling, blogging, poetry, or essay.  I have always found the written word as a natural way for me to express what lies within.  

    This is the space where we get real.  I will write about my life experiences and things that I find my clients encounter in their daily lives.   

    What's real for you? What would you like me to write about?  Feel free to share with me topics you would like to see discussed and please join in the dialogue through the comment section. Your engagement makes the blog a much richer place to hang out!

    Thank you for joining me on this journey!!    

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Barb Klein
Inspired Possibility
585-705-8740
barb@inspiredpossibility.com