Category: Kindness

The Invitation and Gift of This Day

4/19/2020

I have been given this life and this day… let me not waste it on worry, fear, or dismay. Let me greet it as the gift it is and use it wisely – not feeding panic, anger, or judgment. Let me walk gently upon this earth, among these people, bringing love, kindness, and compassion. Let me take all of our well-being as a serious concern and act accordingly. Let me take care of myself, my family, and our home in a way that honors us and all beings. Let me be prepared – but not unreasonably so.
Let me take care of our needs without taking more than I need, leaving others with none.

The time for injustice, inequity, and inequality is over. The time to love and care for one another, for all beings, for the earth is here. Now. How will I respond to this moment? How will we, as a people, respond to this moment in time? How will we stay awake and not return to the mind-numb reality we have been in for far too long?

We can no longer be reckless with our lives, believing we exist as separate from others. No. We have been shown the depth and vastness of our coexistence and interdependence. There is a gift in that if we only remember. If only we respond wisely.

Now is not a time for folly or fight. Now is the time for us to come together, to rise together, to be better than we were before… not by possessing more or earning more or even doing more, but by caring more, by respecting one another more, by loving more. By choosing to look. To see. To respond to the devastation, we have caused to our earth, to our people, to all beings. We have to be brave enough to look and to see. And, then from there, choose and act.

We must not forget when this time seems to be over. We must allow ourselves to be changed in the best possible way by the devastation and destruction of today so that it has not been for naught. There is a gift in this day, and there is an invitation. How will we respond?

What thoughts or insights does this bring up for you? Please share in the comments.

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Go Gently... Please

4/3/2020

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Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

Now is a time to go gently with yourself and with others.   Now is the time for love, for generosity, for kindness and compassion – toward all beings, including you! It is the time to care deeply. It is NOT the time to judge, shame, or condemn others. I see the temptation and suspect it’s going to get stronger as we grow more impatient, frustrated, and weary. And so, I plead with you, please, please be gentle…

March 11th, just a little over 3 weeks ago, marks the day our world changed forever. It was not long ago at all and yet it feels like a lifetime ago… we got the call that morning telling us that the mighty Mom Klein had died. We visited our son (2 days before visits were shut down for the foreseeable future), grateful we could deliver this news in person and share our tears, love, and hugs. I went out to lunch with my sister at a local restaurant and enjoyed a nice meal, and probably another hug or two.

March 12th – with a growing sense of things quickly spinning into something unknown and foreign, I did a radio show with Lori and Keith from Recovery Coach University Radio. With a heightened sense of awareness, we did wipe all the equipment and surfaces with Clorox wipes and mostly kept our distance, but we didn’t yet get how serious this was. We joked about the toilet paper hoarding and shook our heads in confusion… and just to be safe, on the way home, I bought two packs. We affirmed and were relieved by my younger son’s decision to cancel his trip to Florida for Spring Break, even though he is young and healthy… already it felt like the unquestionably right call. Just days earlier I had told him I thought they’d be fine to go…

Things were changing and happening so rapidly and have been ever since. I feel like I’ve been caught in a whirlwind… internally and externally. A blur of news updates, of emails advising of extra precautions being taken which rapidly morphed into “We are closed until further notice…” Cancellations, closures, schools switching to online learning,… more and more erasures in the planner of all the trips, appointments, and events I had coming up. April went from one in which I would barely be home to one in which I will only be home, with no plans. Each day brings with it a swirl of thoughts and feelings as I try to magically predict when this will all be over, fall into despair, perk up at a story of goodness – living within the chaos of it all.

It’s a lot. We must be gentle.

There has been so much letting go… of classes, appointments, events, routines, regular support, fun times with others, contact with loved ones. And, in all this letting go, we are all feeling the weight of uncertainty. Those words “until further notice” land with a dark and ominous tone. They remind us that life is always uncertain – we just usually pretend it isn’t. Somehow it feels extra uncertain right now with so many things being disrupted all at once. The fear is palpable as this invisible antagonist sweeps around the world. As we take in the death tolls, we are faced with our own immortality and the truth that one day those we love will also die. We hope it won’t be alone.

We are ordered to shelter in place, to self-quarantine, or to PAUSE as our NY Governor has called it. For a moment we imagine all that we’ll get done in this time when busy-ness is taken away. But then we feel the weight of it all, and we are reminded of how exhausted we are and that stress takes a toll on everything. We are brought to our knees as we are forced to confront what is truly essential. To re-prioritize our lives – what really matters? Health. Relationships. Life. Love. Kindness. Compassion. Generosity.

All these free offerings?? They are oh so tempting to someone with Bright Shiny Object Syndrome, like moi! The urge to fill in all that usually coveted white space is strong, and I catch myself mindlessly signing up, saying “yes, please distract me from the here and now…” Nature abhors a vacuum, and apparently so do I. Until I reality check and realize my bandwidth is not as wide as my white space – it’s actually much, much less than before.

I remember to be gentle with myself.

I don’t need to do all the things – only those that will really nourish me. I only need to be on the calls with people and in groups that feel supportive. I can skip the rest. This might not be the time to learn a new skill or to focus on business. This might be a time when less really is more. I want to do more less!

Over the past few weeks it has been easy to let this ever-present concern consume us. It’s been easy to get obsessed even when we didn’t intend to. Even if you don’t watch the news (which I don’t generally), the news is everywhere…social media posts, headlines of breaking news at the top of my email inbox and within every single email that comes in it’s there… Coronavirus… COVID-19. We need to be informed, but we don't need to be flooded with input. It's too much to digest.

We see the inherent inter-connectedness of all beings and this both terrifies and empowers us. We are reminded that viruses don’t respect borders, oceans, or walls.

We find ourselves reeling as we ride the roller coaster of emotions in this human experience – feeling our own and the collective fear, overwhelm, sadness, dread, and grief while also being uplifted and inspired by the many acts of compassion, caring, kindness, love, and generosity. This time bringing out the best and the worst in us.

It’s a lot.

We come to realize that we are feeling more tired and less productive than we’d like – not an easy thing to accept in a culture used to driving, doing, achieving, producing, succeeding…   Suddenly we wonder what “succeeding” even means right now.

Now we realize that it’s nearly impossible to find motivation or create from a space of exhaustion and anxiety. So, we surrender to Netflix bingeing, earlier bedtimes, and longer nights of sleep.

This is our new normal, and it’s anything but “normal.” It changes moment by moment, and the only reasonable way to approach it is one moment at a time.

We feel the weirdness of endless disinfecting and keeping our hands from touching our faces. We feel the creepiness in the air as masked figures move together, but apart, averting gazes (as if we won’t really be there if we don’t look at one another), collectively holding our breath – together, but apart.

And we're reminded that in the empty streets what feels like the end of the world is also a reflection of our great act of love, our care and concern for others, our desire to be part of the solution.

It’s. A. LOT!

So, please… go gently into this next day. Into this next moment.

Take breaks – a lot of breaks. Get more rest than feels reasonable.

Offer tender loving care to your sweet self.

Say “yes” to the things that make you happy.

Bake the familiar goodies that comforted you as a child (Betty Crocker Blueberry Buckle for me today!).

Wear clothes and jewelry that feel good. Maybe wear things from places you’ve loved or concerts you’ve enjoyed (today I’m wearing my Albuquerque sweatshirt to mark that I should have been arriving there this afternoon).

Hug a tree. I’m pretty sure that’s still a safe thing to do!

Offer a loving smile to a stranger. Call a friend.

Extend love and compassion freely, often, and wherever you can, beginning with yourself.

Know that we will get through this.

Please.

Go gently… until further notice.

How are you going gently these days?? Please share in the comments below. We can learn from you.

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Sitting with Sadness

7/24/2019

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I woke up feeling super sad the other morning...and I don't really know why. As I journaled with the grey rain falling down around me, the tears came, and I just let them. As the day went on, I also spiraled into moments of frustration, anger, self-doubt, self-judgment - basically a messy stew of ickiness that I really don't like sitting in! As I made up stories about why I was feeling this way, I knew they were just that - stories made up by me that weren't grounded in reality, but just a reflection of how shitty I was feeling, wanting to be able to place the blame somewhere, wanting to somehow make sense of this...

Sitting with sadness…
Can you sit with it? Of course, you can, but who wants to? I find myself having many other preferred feelings and an acute desire to jump out of my own skin and beyond the sadness into whatever’s next! Anything is better than this lonely empty place. Sometimes even anger is a welcome relief, simply to break up the dull ache.

And yet, if I can sit with my sadness when it’s here, this is part of coming home to myself. With love, with honesty, with kindness and compassion, and with integrity. With tears, with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, with all of my doubts and worries. This IS self-care – the part we don’t often talk about.

When I can consciously sit with my sadness, I allow myself to sink into the feeling in my body – is it warm, heavy, tingly, spiky? I let go of pretending that everything is fine. I let the tears flow. I let go of the forced smile.

I let go of the things I do to avoid feeling the sadness – you know, filling up my time with busy tasks, getting lost in social media hoping to find some true connection (oh, honey… this is not where you’ll find that!), housing that pint of Haagen Das (it really doesn’t even taste good), sleeping longer than I need to, or distracting myself basically in any way possible.

Filling the Void...
We all have our ways of seeking to fill that void. Brené Brown talks about it as numbing and Jennifer Louden names these are our “shadow comforts.” These things that we do take us away from the uncomfortable feeling. They may even appear to be good choices at times, but they don’t really fill us up or nourish us. In fact, they usually take us away from the things that truly would.

And yet, all of this is part of being human. We all go through these times, and it can be hard to know what to do with it. I was talking with my friend, Mary, about this and she shared an experience of sitting with one of her young students whose feelings had been hurt. She offered him this choice... did he want her to give him strategies to feel better or just let him be sad for as long as he needed to? He chose to just feel sad... for about 5 minutes bawled his eyes out while she sat with him and gave him all the space he needed to feel exactly what he was feeling. Then he was done. Ready to move on. What a gift Mary gave this little boy. Too often we rush to find the "feel good" feeling again and skip over this part of our humanity.  Too often we try to make others feel better rather than just sitting with them.

You are Not Alone...
Does it suck? Yup. Does it mean there’s something wrong with you? Not necessarily. Are you alone when you're in this place? No. It sure felt that way to me that morning, and yet in reality, I was not. I found a couple of friends who have the ability to sit with me in my messiness and hear all of the dark thoughts that creep into my mind. I cried. I remembered we all have these days.  I didn’t beat myself up too terribly much for being in that state. Too often we add to the suffering by getting upset with ourselves for being upset!

So, the next time you find yourself swamped by sadness, whether it’s expected or not, whether it makes sense or not, give yourself the grace of being a human being who feels. I invite you to allow yourself the time to gently be with yourself and allow yourself to feel into it, rather than trying to push it down or away. Be with yourself and allow yourself to feel all the feels – it is oh, so natural. Give yourself the grace to get the support you need – reach out to a friend, get to a counselor, ask for help and allow yourself to receive it.   You don’t have to go it alone…

And, if this is more than a passing sadness, but something that is taking you down and out of your life, please seek professional help. Here are some resources to get you started: National Institute of Mental Health.

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You are NOT the Energizer Bunny®!

12/2/2016

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Dear One,
I have news for you… and, this might come as a shock, but you are NOT the Energizer Bunny®! No, you are not a mass of fuzziness wearing cool shades, banging aimlessly on a drum while spinning and whirling recklessly around the house.

Sure, you may feel that way from time to time, but it’s not the truth. And, this whole idea of “Keep going” is doing you no good!

There is no battery in you that can go and go and go for thousands of hours without stop. You are not a mechanical being – you are a tender human BEing who needs rest and nourishment, fun, laughter, and play.

I thought this might be a good time to remind you as the hustle and bustle of the holidays piles on top of the media assault on our senses. In the midst of all this bombardment is a sweet (and, yes, very strong, but not invincible) YOU!

You – the one who is so good at giving to others, doing for others, taking on the world… you are the one they seek now with endless requests and demands for your precious time, energy, and resources. Please give more. Please give to me. Please take care of me and my needs. Please speak up for this cause. Please donate over here. Please, please, please… You hear it ringing in your ears, even when you sleep!

And, so you give. And you give as if there is a bottomless reservoir from which to pour. You forget to step back and take even just a little time to replenish your beautiful self. The spark will burn out – maybe it already has, and you’re feeling strung out, burned out, and just a wee bit overwhelmed. Maybe you’re just plain tired.

“But, but, but… “ you protest because you have so many goals to achieve before the year is done; so many gifts to buy; so many causes to support; so many cookies to bake; so many cards to write; so many parties to attend… You know the drill!

Can you just give yourself a break from all the DOing and sink into your BEing-ness? Can you slow down for just a minute, take a breath, and check in to see what would really nourish you? Cause, guess what? It’s not cheese puffs, beer, and pumpkin pie that are going to sustain you!! I’ve tried that, and it is not cutting it!!

What can you do to give to yourself in this busy time? Do you even hear your own voice calling to you amidst all the noise? What would truly nurture your body, mind, heart, and soul right now? Today? It can be very simple, but first you have to stop. Stop everything else. Quiet the outside racket, and listen to your body. Listen to your heart. Close your eyes. Put your hand on your heart or your belly. Breathe. And, ask your heart, body, and spirit...
~ What do they need from you in this moment? Today?

Other great guiding questions are:
~ What is most important or what really matters? (is it a getting a tree right now at all costs, or is it more important that we do this as a family at a time when we can all do it with joy?)
~ What will bring me joy?
~ What would be life-enriching for me?

And, then choose just one simple step to take that will really honor your beautiful self. And, then do it again later today, and tomorrow until this becomes a practice that is a natural part of your life!

It could be as simple as stepping outside and getting some fresh air, moving in a way that truly brings you joy, eating food that fills your body with nourishment and sustenance, connecting with someone who lifts you up and makes you laugh, checking out and taking yourself to a movie mid-day, taking a short horizontal break, getting to a yoga or kick your butt and sweat like crazy class, sitting with your sweet pet and soaking in their love while letting their warmth soothe you, reading a novel, writing a poem, singing a song and dancing with total abandon…

What ideas come to you when you really take the time to ask? Please share them below so that we can add to our own bucket of resources.

Every single one of us needs and deserves this time for self-nurturing and rejuvenation!

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Kindness Is a Practice

12/18/2015

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I was reminded recently by my yoga teacher, Amy Jo, that kindness is a practice, something to cultivate. Merriam-Webster defines practice as “the activity of doing something again and again in order to become better at it." We need to work at being kind in order to get better at it. What a concept! Kindness doesn’t just come naturally, but it’s something we actually need to be intentional about.

Furthermore, the foundation for kindness comes when we practice being kind to ourselves. It is not selfish to take time to be loving and kind with yourself, but rather wise and critical. We can’t give anything to anyone else that we don’t have within ourselves. We can’t expect to show up in the world offering kindness to others if we are continually beating ourselves up. We also can’t expect to create a ripple of love if we continually come from a place of anger or fear.

I noticed what happened when I jumped in to defend my son from someone who was upsetting him. Filled with anger, I began to call that person names and attack back, even though the person wasn’t here. I watched and felt the ugliness brew inside me and then ripple outward to everything and everyone around me. It infected my attitude so that I was interacting with grumpiness to anyone within striking range – both of my sons, and my poor husband who was only just waking up.

After I took my younger son to school, he exited the car quickly without his usual “I love you. Have a nice day,” and my first response was, “What’s wrong with you??” Then I realized it wasn’t him at all. It was me. He was merely mirroring my energy back to me, and he was trying to save himself by getting away as quickly as possible. Who could blame him?

Thankfully, yoga was an hour later, so very quickly I was brought back to my senses and sent on my way to lead a better rest of the day. We began with a discussion of loving kindness and then practiced a brief loving kindness meditation at the beginning and end of class. It reminded me of the practice I learned earlier this year in a Mindful Self-Compasssion workshop with Christopher Germer and Kristin Neff*.

Throughout yoga class we were encouraged to offer ourselves and our class mates kindness and gentleness as we moved through the various poses. Instead of beating myself up if I wobbled or skipped a pose, I was able to lovingly be there for myself and honor what was right for me today. I also sweetly appreciated the beauty of a well-executed pose by someone else. No judgment. No criticism. No comparison. So powerful.

If we want to create a kinder, more peaceful world, we must begin with ourselves and with those closest to us. We must cultivate this practice of being kind, gentle, and loving on a regular basis and from a place of inner peace, we can silently and anonymously send it out to anyone, anywhere in the world.

If you would like to be part of a kinder world, I invite you to try this today – begin with yourself and offer a simple meditation, such as, “May I be safe. May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I live with ease.” Repeat these phrases (or come up with whatever words resonate with you) over and over at your own comfortable pace for just a few moments and notice what you feel inside. As you go through life’s happenings, when you find yourself feeling frustrated or upset with yourself, step back and again offer a phrase or two that you really need to hear to bring you back to peace.

Then take this show on the road - practice sending this silent offering to others. It’s a little easier to begin with someone you really love, someone who makes you smile, or someone who has shown you great kindness. However, with practice you will find yourself offering loving kindness to strangers who bump into you in the grocery store, drivers who cut you off in traffic, and even people who hurt you or your loved ones.

When we come from love and compassion, then we have the power to change not only our own lives but the world at large.

Thanks to Amy Jo at Bodhi Tree Yoga for offering this teaching to her classes and thereby touching the world with a little more love, kindness, and grace.

*you can get more information and free downloadable meditations at their websites by following these links

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The Invitation and Gift of This Day

Go Gently... Please

Sitting with Sadness

You are NOT the Energizer Bunny®!

Kindness Is a Practice

About me...

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The Invitation and Gift of This Day

Go Gently... Please

Sitting with Sadness

﻿﻿You are NOT the Energizer Bunny®!

Ki﻿ndness Is a Practice

About me...

Archives

Categories

You are NOT the Energizer Bunny®!

Kindness Is a Practice