Category: Gratitude

Who are the Connectors in Your Life?

1/7/2019

In Daring Greatly, Brene Brown says, "Connection is why we are here; it gives purpose and meaning to our lives." I know this to be true.

Recently I’ve been reflecting on the amazing and wonderful people I have in my life… friends, business colleagues, healers, coaches, teachers, counselors, healers, and clients. Which caused me to think back even further. Who brought us together? At one moment there was something magical and mystical that happened and I became connected to these people!

Thankfully, we do not live in this world in isolation! Without these powerful connectors who somehow brought these people to me, who knows where I’d be? I am so very grateful for those moments of serendipity and synchronicities where bonds were formed and friendships made that might not otherwise ever come to be.

Like this magnificent Banyan tree, together we grow strong and remain deeply rooted and connected to one another. I intend to reach out and thank those people (the ones I can remember) who somehow brought me together with the people who matter so much in my world today.

I invite you to do the same! Who introduced you to your best friend or spouse? Who brought you your first client? Who told you about the most amazing massage therapist? Who shared the name of a person who could support you and your child? Take just a minute and give them a call, shoot them a text, or write them a note to let them know what a difference this has made in your life.

Gratitude! It’s a simple and under-utilized super power!

I am grateful for you and that somehow you found your way into this community.

If you are a mom who has been impacted by your son or daughter's addiction or other mental health condition who is longing for some connection with other moms who've been there too, please join us for a special renewal retreat this coming weekend! Starting the Year with Serenity begins on Friday and there are 2 spots left!

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How Might Gratitude Support You?

11/22/2017

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At this time of year gratitude and thankfulness are everywhere. So I have been reflecting on how gratitude serves us, particularly when times are tough.

Gratitude in times of Transition

Transition and change, whether they are wanted or not, are uncomfortable and challenging. They rock our world and throw us into unfamiliar and even more uncertain than usual territory. Recently having gone through a big move, I’ve had a chance to feel this earth-shattering reality, even though I was making a change I very much wanted.

One of the things that kept me grounded throughout the ups and downs of house buying and selling was my daily gratitude practice. Why? Because at times when I was irrationally terrified, it balanced my perspective with a look at the things that were at least all right in my daily life. It offset the natural human tendency to look at what’s wrong or anticipate the next disaster that might be lurking just around the corner.

When I was filled with excitement, joy, and eager anticipation, gratitude helped me to celebrate and take that in. As much as we have a tendency to notice the “negative,” we also often seem to be conditioned to downplay or dismiss “positive” moments. The pause of appreciative reflection allows us to take in and enjoy these happy moments.

What is Gratitude?

Gratitude is about noticing things we appreciate and coming into relationship with what IS. Sometimes we can even be grateful for fear, anger, or sadness because they reveal something to me that needs to be seen – they uncover a layer of reality. Gratitude isn’t always about sunshine and rainbows! It also isn’t about jumping over sad, angry or fearful feelings to get to a place of feeling good or looking for the silver lining. But, it can help open us to see beyond what’s right in front of us that may feel all-consuming.

How Can Gratitude Support Me?

So, how might gratitude support you if you are going through a transition? If you’ve recently lost a job or a relationship, and you’re not sure what lies ahead, it might be tough to see or feel anything positive. But if you were to take a few moments each day to find even the smallest thing to appreciate, it could shift not only your view of life but how you show up in life, to your family, and to the world at large (including to people you might be interviewing with or asking for support).

Research has shown that people who practice gratitude are healthier, have more optimism and happiness, create stronger relationships, and are more generous. These sound like traits of someone I’d want to be around (or hire!)… how about you?

What IS a Gratitude Practice?

What’s a gratitude practice look like? Whatever you want it to! The key is to not make it a big “to do” or one more thing to add to your list of tasks to complete. Find a way to bring in gratitude that feels supportive and nourishing for you. Different things work for different people. The first step is to slow down enough to even make the inquiry and notice what am I grateful for? If you’re not in the habit of thinking this way or asking yourself that question, it may take a while to shift from your regularly programmed thinking.

Here are some ideas to get you started. Maybe upon waking you reflect on a few things you are grateful for before you even get out of bed; this is a beautiful way to start your day and can really influence how you approach whatever is before you. You might want to keep a gratitude journal and jot down things you appreciate throughout the day. Perhaps what works for you is an evening reflection before bed. It’s a soothing bedtime routine and a great counter to the all too common thought that often creeps in that says “That day was a waste.” or “Wow, what a horrible day I had!” It doesn’t matter whether you write, mentally note, or speak out loud your gratitude as long as you’ve taken some time to notice and acknowledge it.

Even on some of my most horrible days, I’ve been able to find things that I am truly, honestly grateful for – the cleansing tears that allowed my broken heart to crack open a little bit more and relieved me of having to hold it together; having a pillow to scream into and punch when my anger consumed me; loud music and a good car scream; the friend who made me laugh even when I wanted to cry or the friend who simply sat with me and let me feel what I was feeling.

Don’t know where to get started? How about appreciating having clean air to breathe, fresh running water to drink, sunshine, a roof over your head, a fresh idea, or the beauty of birdsong. Don’t force it. Begin with what feels true to you. Notice something you truly do appreciate. Then mentally reflect, write it, draw it, paint it, sing it, share it with a loved one… whatever works for you!

If you’d like some practices to support you in cultivating gratitude, you might visit Greater Good In Action, where you will find several simple meditations and exercises to get you started or to enhance an existing practice.

Have fun exploring how gratitude might support you. Please let us know what you discover!!

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The Power of Gratitude

10/18/2016

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“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” ~ Melody Beattie

We are heading toward a time of year in America where many of us turn toward gratitude and reflecting on what we are thankful for… at least for one day.

But, what if gratitude were a much more frequent practice in your life? What would the benefit be?

I have been practicing gratitude regularly for at least the past couple of years, and I share my gratitude with my friends via Facebook daily. Why do I do this? Certainly not to flaunt the “perfect” life I do not have, but rather to make sure I take the time each day to reflect and to find the good, even amongst the muck. Gratitude is a form of mindfulness and a piece of self-care. It is taking time to notice and to honor what's here.

What a regular gratitude practice offers is a way to get out of the brain’s natural tendency to focus on the negative - what went wrong, what we didn’t do, what we don’t like, what we could’ve/would’ve/should’ve done, or what might go wrong next time. Gratitude takes us to a place of appreciation for what was, for what IS. It allows time to reflect on what went right, who or what lifted us up or filled us with joy, or what part of our humanity and experience we can acknowledge today – even if it’s tears, really feeling sadness fully, or letting ourselves be grumpy.

Gratitude does not have to be about sunshine and rainbows. In fact, gratitude is great medicine in the dark days, helping us to lovingly be with ourselves in our current reality. It may help us to see a tiny glimmer of light where there might have seemed to be none. Gratitude doesn’t change the circumstances, but it helps us remember that life is multi-faceted, and even in the hardest of times, there are still things to honor and appreciate.

Gratitude is a practice that helps recondition us to begin looking for things we appreciate – in ourselves, in others, in our experiences, and in life’s day-to-day. As we notice there are things to appreciate, we may shift our perspective of life, or we may simply find a little more peace in accepting what’s real in this moment. Gratitude seems to stretch our heart (think of the Grinch), and soften our spirit into a more gentle way of being.

It is a simple but powerful practice – you don’t need to light a candle, sit on a special cushion, take a ton of time, or enter into it with any sort of ceremony or ritual (though you certainly can if that makes you happy… and grateful!). It can be done anytime, anywhere. It can be done openly – it’s a rare and wonderful gift to let someone know what you genuinely appreciate about them from your heart. Or, it can simply be a silent internal process. It can be written, thought, or said out loud – all are equally powerful! You may keep a gratitude journal, and begin or end your day reflecting in it. Morning, noon, or night… or simply in the moment when you feel it, find gratitude. Soak it in and let it fill you up – for one breath, one brief pause, or for a longer period of time.

What might work for you? Try something out. And, give it a try on days that are really hard, and notice… What impact does it have?

Do it on the days when Hallmark isn’t in your face telling you to be thankful. Try it out in as many ways as you can! Make a game of it – stick with some form of gratitude practice for at least 21 days, and see if there’s any shift in your attitude, mood, perception, or experience of life. And, let us know!
Offer it freely – to yourself and others. Why not start now? What are 3 things you’re grateful for right in this moment?

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The Power of Gratitude

11/26/2015

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It was natural for me to think of all of you today and to be inspired to sit down and write a quick note to you. I am so very grateful for those of you who support me in doing the work that so fills my heart and soul with purpose. You inspire me, and I am grateful for that. I learn from you and I am driven to become a better me because of you. So, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being a part of my world.

It’s Thanksgiving here in America, a day when we are reminded to be thankful. It’s a day when many do take a moment to pause and reflect on what it is that we are grateful for, and that’s a beautiful thing. But, what’s even more beautiful is when we incorporate gratitude into our everyday living. When we can find gratitude for small things we can truly change our attitude and our state of wellbeing. For me that cute bulldog puppy in the grocery store parking lot who made me smile this morning was one of those small things. Today I also really appreciated the yoga teachers who were offering donation-based practices, giving of their time to be of service to our community. I am grateful that my husband is raking out our gardens and preparing them for the winter ahead. I’m grateful for a couple of days of warmth that are here so that I can put my Christmas lights up with comfort. And, I am grateful for my family that is with me today, even as I miss those I love who aren’t here now.

There have been a lot of posts out recently about the power and health benefits of gratitude, and I encourage you to search them out if you’d like to know more. I’m here to share my personal experience with the power of a daily gratitude practice.
Most days I post what I am grateful for that day on my Facebook page – sometimes in the morning, but usually in the evening as I reflect back on my day. And this might make my life look great and throw me into that unloved group of people called the “better thans” (or something like that – people who give the impression that their lives are so much better than yours). That’s not my intention at all, and sometimes I include gratitude for the sadness or grumpiness I’ve felt that day and for my ability to be with it or to let it pass. I’m always grateful when I’ve been able to find gratitude on a day when it’s really hard. And, for me, that’s one of the most powerful aspects of this practice – it helps me to shift my perspective from “That was a really crappy day” to, “Yes, I’m having a really tough time right now AND I can still find things to be grateful for."

I am striving to welcome all aspects of the full richness of life into my experience, because this is real, and being real is really important to me. Life is full of ups and downs, shadow and light, joy and sorrow for ALL of us. To fully live life means to allow what is here to exist, to not always be wishing for something other than what we are living in this moment, and to remember that everything is in a state of flow and transition.

Whatever we are feeling right now won’t last forever, whether we perceive it to be “good” or “bad.” So to be able to breathe in to the here and now, to notice it and welcome it in, whether it’s really joyful or peaceful or extremely painful or uncomfortable, is a valuable practice. This noticing and welcoming helps me to get back into a flow with life. Often times when I am suffering I notice that it’s because I am resisting some aspect of my life, wishing it were different, wanting something else, something I may never have. Also, I don’t want to miss out on truly appreciating and soaking in the sweetness of a particular day.

So, to find a way to be grateful even when life doesn’t look the way I’d like it to, even when my heart is really heavy and I’m feeling very sad and afraid has helped me to keep on going. It helps me notice and remember all that is in my life, and it helps me to slow down and be present. It allows me to find and create joy and peace and to have those coexist with sadness and loss. It’s not an all or nothing world – there’s room for it all.

My invitation to you is to find a way to incorporate gratitude into your daily life in whatever way works for you. You could simply take a moment of quiet, close your eyes and silently reflect on what you feel grateful for in that moment and really feel the sensation in your body. You might want to journal in the morning or evening (or any time in between) a list of a few things you’re grateful for. I’ve found gratitude to be a really great way to begin my day and start it off with an intentionally different tone than it might have otherwise had, and it’s also a great way to send myself to bed and into a more peaceful sleep. You might choose to send a quick note to people you appreciate, letting them know what it is you appreciate about them.

Thoughts? What ideas do you have for bringing gratitude in to your life? What have you found to work or what would you like to try? Please let us know in the comments below – it’s through sharing that we all may grow and learn.

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An Extraordinary Life

9/28/2015

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Recently a friend commented to me that I have quite an “extraordinary life.” Hearing that hit me with a familiar sting… a long-held belief that I need to hide or apologize for the life I’ve created. Shame over being “spoiled,” for having a great husband, for being able to do work I love, and for making time to honor and care for myself. But as I thought about it some more, I realized that yes, I do have an extraordinary life, even while it’s not all roses and sunshine by any means.

Some parts of my life are not at all what I would like them to be, and in another conversation a friend could easily be saying, “Oh, poor you. How do you survive?” Most of the time I not only survive, I thrive, because I choose to focus on the big picture, and overall life is pretty damn good. And, I don’t need to apologize for that. In fact, I need to claim it because I have created this life.

Yes, I am lucky to have an amazing husband who supports me in all that I do – that too was a choice I made/we made. A choice to date and marry him, to invest in our relationship during the dark moments, and work on the partnership we’ve had for 30 years, and to recommit to him in front of 80 friends and family for the rest of my life. He wasn’t handed to me on a silver platter at my birth, and we didn’t get to where we are today without commitment, work, love, humor, and a willingness to draw together in tough times.

I have an extraordinary life and I truly believe that an extraordinary life is available to each of us, whether you have an amazing partner or not. In fact, I believe you probably have an extraordinary life right now, even if you haven't seen it that way.

Life doesn’t always go the way we planned it to. “Bad” things happen to us and to people we love. Dreams we’ve held forever don’t come true or shatter all around us. Stories of what family should look like may be more fiction than truth in our world. Our work and financial life might not look like what we’d love it to be. And, always, always, always we have a choice about how we respond and what we do with life. The chain of choices and responses leads to today’s reality.
How many times do we quit before the miracle can occur? There are no overnight sensations. Things don’t happen as quickly or in the way that we’d like, so we walk away discouraged and distraught before things even have a chance to get rolling. We listen to the harsh inner voice that questions and challenges us with a nasty voice that says, “You’ll never make it – what were you thinking?”

How often do we let despair take over and wash away hope? When things look and feel daunting, overwhelming, and totally out of whack, this is an easy place to succumb.

How often do we live in the past, dwelling on regrets and “could’ve,” and “should’ve” wishes that didn’t come true? Alternatively, how much time do we spend worrying about the future – what might be? Fretting about things that might never come to pass? Drifting away from what is real right now takes us down roads that don’t serve us in creating what we want. We must first stand solidly with what is true today.

How often do we hold back rather than take that stretch, follow our heart, take a risk, or dare to try something new – something we’ve never done before or even imagined we could? If we never ask for what we need or want we don’t stand a chance of getting a “yes.”

In order to change today’s reality and to begin to chart a different course, something has to change in mindset, action, or both. As Einstein said, it is insanity to do the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

Hard times come to all of us. My “extraordinary life” is not without struggles, sadness, heartbreak, and loss. I feel them and at times they take me down and out. But these aren’t the places I choose to stay overly long.

There have been plenty of things along that way that could have stopped me in my tracks and there are things now that could consume me and take me off course if I let them. None of this “extraordinariness” came to be overnight, and it certainly didn’t come without effort, commitment, decisions, and baby steps along the way that have brought me to today.

What would an extraordinary life look like for you? What is extraordinary about your life right now, exactly as it is? Sometimes just noticing things differently creates a new "reality." Is there one small step you might want to take today that's a bit different?

One powerful practice to living an extraordinary life is gratitude – noticing the good and beautiful in your life, the things you may take for granted and forget to appreciate, and finding something to be grateful for, even on the days that really suck.

How you see your world is a powerful influencer for what comes next. If I were to choose to stay in the dark, wallowing in what I don’t like about my life right now, it’s not very likely that I’d go on creating the life that I want for myself for the next 50 years.

Life experience + Choice = Life Reality

Are the choices you’re making the ones that will create the reality you yearn for? Choice can be action or perception - both powerful forces.

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Who are the Connectors in Your Life?

How Might Gratitude Support You?

The Power of Gratitude

The Power of Gratitude

An Extraordinary Life

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