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Cultivating a Relationship of Self-Trust

12/20/2020

2 Comments

 
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How well do you trust yourself?  Really trust yourself for things like listening to your inner guidance, being with yourself through all of your experiences, listening to your body, and having your own back? 

We live in a world that encourages us not to trust ourselves… not believing in ourselves, looking outward for answers, guidance, solutions. Buy this makeup, follow this diet, change your world.  Listen to this guru who knows what you need (and is all too happy to tell you so!).  Follow this trend…

Furthermore, most of us have a loud and ferocious inner critic who is all too happy to tell us all the things that are wrong with us – causing us to doubt ourselves or beat ourselves up when we think we’ve said the wrong thing, done the wrong thing, or are considering taking a big bold leap into something new.  “Who do you think you are?” is often a familiar refrain. 

Is it any wonder that many of us struggle in this area?  Trusting ourselves, believing in ourselves, being with ourselves through joy and pain is not something that has been taught or encouraged. 

I was inspired to explore this topic after discussing one of Susan Piver’s talks (which you can find here) with my Meditation Instructors Group.  One of the key takeaways for me was that turning toward our experience, leaning into our feelings, is a critical element to cultivating a trusting relationship with ourselves.  Feeling the reassurance that we have the capacity to be with ourselves, to make room for our feelings, to be with the unknown, not that we have all of the answers, but that we resourced enough to turn toward what is here, moment by moment.

Trusting ourselves comes into play when we find ourselves facing a familiar uncomfortable scenario – remembering things we have been through in the past and acknowledging past courage, strength, resilience.  We can also trust that we have grown and changed since the last time we’ve been confronted with a situation; we are not the same person, so we can respond differently this time. 

Building a loving relationship of gentleness, compassion, and kindness toward ourselves allows us to come home to ourselves in a way that feels safe because we can trust that we will be received in a way that is welcoming.  When we can learn to trust ourselves, when we find ourselves worthy of our trust, life changes. 

I invite you to play with this idea.  Try trusting your intuition, your gut, your wisdom and guidance, your ability to know what you need and to ask for help when you need it.  Play with the idea that you’ve got this (whatever “this” is) and at the very least you will walk with yourself through it, finding your way. 

Value your own opinion and ideas.  Respect your own experience.  Cherish your moments of delight.  Sit with your moments of sadness and fear, knowing you don’t have to push through or jump over anything – you get to be exactly where you are, moment by moment!  The more you meet yourself in this way, the stronger this practice will become.  The more deeply you will find yourself in a place of centered self-trust.

I’ve recorded this short talk and meditation for you to support your exploration. 

If you’d like to receive weekly meditations from me, email me and say “please add me to the meditation list!”  and you will receive one each Wed. AM. 

Please share your thoughts, reflections, and insights below!  

Wishing you peace, love, and trust!  

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Grace

11/8/2020

4 Comments

 
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I’ve been pondering “grace” as we move toward our Virtual Mini Retreat on the 11th, Finding Grace.  I wonder if it may be slightly mis-named, as I think grace may be unfindable.  Grace finds you. 

What is grace?  It is not those words we rotely recited at dinner as a child (or maybe, for you, it is). 

You can witness it, experience it, feel it, but it seems to be beyond words.  It’s not something you work at, but rather an ethereal quality that enters into both beautiful and troubling moments of life.  There is an opening to grace, an allowing that happens. 

Grace is present in the pre-dawn hours when a mother sits in the dark, gently rocking her sweet sleeping baby.  Grace is present in the soft kiss on the brow of a dying loved one.  Grace enters in and carries us in the moments we don’t lose it in the midst of rage and confusion – when instead we are able to stand steady and face whatever is here.  When we are able to be clear, confident, and compassionate, even as our voice quakes and our whole being shakes. 

Grace is a Divine presence that encircles us when we come together in times of fierce and gentle love.  Grace holds us when we surrender and allow ourselves to be led.  Grace is also present in the strong actions of protest against injustice and wrong-doing.  When we find the courage to stand up and face our oppressor, and say “no more” in a clear and unwavering stance, grace surely stands by our side. 

Grace is witnessed in the silent prancing of the deer, the smooth flight of the seagull, the head toss of a frolicking horse.  In the breath-taking performance of a ballerina or a singer taken over by a mighty force from within.  Those moments that leave you breathless.  I think grace is present there.

So, how do we “find grace?”  We quiet our minds.  We slow down our busy selves.  We open our hearts and our eyes to notice.  We breathe softly.  We listen deeply.  We love fiercely. 

Grace is in the magic of the rising and setting sun, the changing of the leaves to orange, yellow, and red, in the delicate uniqueness of the snowflake.  Grace can be soft, and it can also be fierce. 

Grace is in the miracle of lives spared in unimaginably treacherous situations.  It is in the reuniting of lost loved ones.  It is in the protection of the imprisoned as they find their way home.  Grace finds us and opens us if we allow it. 

Grace is in the language of the poet, the flow of the dance, the stroke of the artist’s brush, the gentleness of the breeze, and the reflection of the still pond. 

For something that is beyond words, I’ve just found a lot… after all, grace is worthy of our curiosity, our exploration, our inquiry.  Grace deserves to have us sit with her and feel her softness and her strength in the beating of our heart, the pulsing of our veins.  Grace is a life force energy all its own. 

We will not see it in the blustering of an enraged person or in one driven by fear or vengeance.  Does grace exist in fear?  I don’t know, but I do know it can glide in as a balm if we allow it.
 
Grace is admitting when the fight is over and walking away.  Grace is embodied in acceptance, and it walks hand in hand with dignity.  Grace is woven into the tapestry of healing and recovery.  Grace is in the eyes of the one who can look beneath the surface, into the heart and soul of another, and see the essential goodness.  

Grace is in extending compassion to those who have hurt you. It slips into the dark places of pain to say, “May I begin to forgive you in order to release my soul from the agony of so much anger, hatred, and blame.”  Grace says, “I’m sorry.  I was wrong.  I didn’t mean to hurt you.  Please forgive me.”  Grace loves when it seems unreasonable, and grace also holds the boundary that says, I love me too, and this I cannot/will not endure any longer.

Grace will guide us when we ask to be led to it.  In the quiet still moments, ask.  What do you find?  Invite it in.  Let it hold you in troubling times.  What do you feel?  It is worthy of noticing. 

For me, this simple exploration has softened me.  It has slowed my entire being.  It has calmed each cell in this body and soothed my racing mind. 

Grace holds fiercely, but lightly, what she stands for.  Grace is Divine.  It cannot be defined, for words limit its boundlessness, but it can most certainly be felt and seen. 

It is the sparkle in the darkest of times that whispers, “We will be ok.  We will be ok.  We are ok.  We are stronger than we think, and we will get through, but not by kicking and screaming and forcing things to go away.   We will be ok when we accept and allow, and show up to follow our guidance.  We will be ok.” 

Thoughts?  I invite you to sit with the idea of grace.  What comes up for you?  Please share. 
​
And, if you’d like to join us for some further exploration, come to the Virtual Mini Retreat that Carol Moon and I are offering Wednesday, Nov. 11 from 6 – 8:30 PM EST.  All the details and registration are here.  Questions?  Please ask! 
 

4 Comments

3 Reasons to Retreat

6/10/2018

1 Comment

 
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​There was a day when I didn't know about retreats and how powerful they are and what a critical piece of my well-being they would become  I imagine there are others out there who also wonder... who haven't yet discovered the magic of retreat.  So, I'd like to share with you just a few great reasons to give yourself the gift of retreat, for however long you may take or in whatever form!  What are some of the benefits and why would anyone make the investment of time and energy to retreat for a bit? 

1. Get out of routine - there's great value in simply breaking the pattern of everyday life - of taking yourself out of your usual habits and routines.  By changing things up, we tap into wonder and curiosity about life.  We begin to open to new ideas, insights, and creativity. We open our eyes to new perspectives. We see new possibility that we hadn't considered before.  We lighten up, let go, and even have fun!!  When you break away from the daily routine, there is nothing to fix or figure out.  Your mind can truly rest.  Aaahhhh...  to me, that alone is worth the price of admission!  

2. Slow down - We live in a world where go, go, go, is the norm.  Demands are coming fast and furious and we find ourselves pulled in so many directions with no relief in sight.  Our pace is unsustainable and our to-do list never-ending.  But, we don't know how to stop sometimes.  This pace is taking a toll on our health and well-being.  When we slow down, we calm our mind and soothe the nervous system. Then we notice the beauty of nature, our own body, people in our world.  We have to step off the hamster wheel to be with these sweeter things.  

3. Quiet the outer noise -  Oh my goodness!  There is so much coming at us all the time - news, ads, social media, political banter... it's an endless onslaught of noise, opinions, and provocations.  You've noticed that, right?  Just taking a media break for a brief period of time is super healing and restorative.  Imagine room to breathe without your phone constantly pinging in your ear.  Step away and feel the sigh of relief and the sense of peace.  In this space we begin to listen to our hearts and souls and hear our own inner guidance.  

We don't need more intensity - the world brings plenty of that.  We don't need more things to do - we have more activities than we can keep up with already.  Retreat is designed to be restorative and nourishing.  

Why do you retreat? Please join the conversation in the comments and let us know!  Together we grow and learn!  


Does retreat sound good to you? If you like this sound of this and would love to join a circle of like-minded women who are ready for a little of this retreat sweetness, join us in the beautiful Poconos at the Himalayan Institute for Coming Home to Yourself: A Women's Renewal Retreat August 10-12. 

At my retreats, everything is an invitation.  You are free to rest as needed. Explore the 400 gorgeous acres as you commune with nature or give your body some movement among the trees and hills if that's your thing.  Gather in our circle around the campfire. Check out a yoga class or meditation session.  And, rest into a world of no expectation. 

I hold our retreat space as safe and sacred - in this space you need only show up for yourself.  You are free to participate in the way that's comfortable for you and you are free to share and listen knowing that this is a zone where these is no advising, no figuring out what anyone else "should" do, and no worry that anyone is going to tell you what you should do.  This is a place and space to deepen your connection with yourself and to learn to honor yourself more deeply than ever before.  

Questions?  Let me know!  Know someone who would love this?  Please share this with them!  And, if you're ready to jump onboard, you can register here! 

"A women's retreat springs from and is about stepping out of your ordinary existence to listen and attune to your truest, most authentic self...  It is setting apart time to tend the hearth of your inner life, feed your muse, reclaim your dreams."  ~ Jennifer Louden, The Women's Retreat Book

1 Comment

In This Moment...

1/29/2018

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​Go ahead, pause, breathe, and check in…
In this moment, what do you notice?  What are you feeling, thinking, sensing in your body? 

Taking a moment to tune in is one of the best ways to bring yourself into presence.

And bringing ourselves into presence is one of the best ways of stepping out of future worry or past regret. It’s one of the best ways to find peace that has nothing to do with anyone or anything outside of yourself.

“In this moment…” is a phrase that has supported me when I otherwise might slip into agitation or concern about something beyond my control.  Perhaps “in this moment” has let me see that, in reality, there is very little within my control after all.  But, in this moment, I can notice and appreciate what’s here.  And let go of what’s out there, beyond my immediate reality.

“In this moment” has supported me and allowed me to surrender… to allow or acknowledge what is really happening rather than slipping into resistance or “it shouldn’t be this way!”  (click here if you’d like to see my humorously sideways look at the idea of surrender).  Only after I acknowledge what is true can I decide whether there is an action for me to take or not.  It allows me to begin to choose how to act or respond accordingly. 

“In this moment” deepens my gratitude practice. For example, even when there’s a storm raging outside, in this moment, I take the time to notice and appreciate that I am in a warm house with the love of my life, we are safe and sound, and I can breathe in gratitude for that.   Even if there are a million things on my to-do list tugging at me (which there invariably are), if I’m at yoga class I can bring myself back to my practice and appreciate that I am taking the time to strengthen and care for myself.

Even when things are not be going the way I want in my life, I can pause and appreciate what’s here. I can almost always find something to be grateful for, no matter how much distress I’m in.  

“In this moment” also allows me to focus on what’s before me right now.  What task do I need to complete? (for me right now it’s writing this blog to get out to you!)  One thing at a time… no multitasking.  Being with what needs my full attention right now.  Maybe making a note or two in my calendar for next things that I will get to when their time comes. 

How might “in this moment” support you?  Give it a try and let us know. 

Pause – breathe – bring yourself into presence… what is truly here right now?  
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    About me...

    I am a writer, coach, and teacher, and I love capturing life's many moments through writing, whether that be journalling, blogging, poetry, or essay.  I have always found the written word as a natural way for me to express what lies within.  

    This is the space where we get real.  I will write about my life experiences and things that I find my clients encounter in their daily lives.   

    What's real for you? What would you like me to write about?  Feel free to share with me topics you would like to see discussed and please join in the dialogue through the comment section. Your engagement makes the blog a much richer place to hang out!

    Thank you for joining me on this journey!!    

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Barb Klein
Inspired Possibility
585-705-8740
barb@inspiredpossibility.com