Inspired Possibility Blog

Meditation and Mindfulness - Life-Saving Practices

11/30/2021

Recently I was invited to present a session on the myths and truths of Mindfulness and Meditation for a program for moms of teens, The Dream Teen Summit (check it out and register with my affiliate link here!). As I prepared, it struck me how profoundly mindfulness and the practice of meditation have supported me for many years.

I got wondering about what these terms, which are often used interchangeably, really mean. What they are, what they aren't, why they're important,… not just for moms of teens or teens themselves, but how they can enhance anyone's life.

For starters, these practices have enriched my life in many, many ways. They have also supported me through the hardest years of my life which began 12 years ago when we were first faced with my son's substance use disorder. The years since then have been marked by deep uncertainty, intense fear, anger, grief, pain, and continual chaos. These practices have helped me to find my center, some sense of grounding, accept the life that is here, work toward cultivating a heart that can hold it all, and they continue to support me to be with uncertainty (which is what we are all discovering life is).

Meditation and mindfulness both invite us into the present moment – they ask us to be with things as they are, to face this reality and ride the waves. Through the practice of meditation, our awareness increases – we gain insights, new understandings and we can detect patterns in ourselves. Our heart opens and we begin to feel everything more. You can't force it. You practice and discover for yourself.

What are Meditation and Mindfulness?

Meditation and mindfulness are interrelated, but they are not the same thing.

Mindfulness is a QUALITY, a way of being, and it can be practiced formally or informally.

Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of MBSR (mindfulness-based stress reduction), defines mindfulness as “the awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally.”

Let's break that down into its 4 components:
1. Paying attention on purpose (choosing where you are placing your attention)
2. Being in the present moment (right here, right now!)
3. Coming from a place of non-judgment (oof! That's a tricky one! This asks us to witness what's here, without labeling it as "good" or "bad" which we all do all the time!)
4. Showing up with gentleness and compassion and curiosity (he didn't say that but I've found this to be key)

So, mindfulness is presence with awareness. If we contrast that with mindlessness, it becomes a little more clear. Think of driving somewhere and having no idea how you got there; talking with someone but you weren't really hearing what they said. When we are mindless, our mind is somewhere else – perhaps caught up in future planning, past fretting, or worrying. When we are mindful we are fully in the present - our mind and body are in the same room at the same time!

Meditation, on the other hand, is a PRACTICE that has been around for thousands of years . It is one path to mindful living.

Meditation is the practice of taking your attention off of your thoughts (which are always commenting, judging, assessing) and placing it on something else (like a sound, a sensation, a mantra or word, or simply on the feelin of breath moving in and out of your body). As I have learned and experienced in my Shamata Vipashyana practice, we will be distracted. Our mind will think thoughts. Our ears will hear sounds. Our eyes will see things. None of this is a problem. We learn to simply return again and again (which is how this becomes a beautifully transferable skill to everyday life).

Breaking Down Some Common Myths about Meditation and Mindfulness:
1. Meditation and mindfulness are not religious – they can work with or complement any faith or spiritual practice.

2. Meditation is not complex or only for certain people. It can be done by anyone anywhere and doesn’t require fancy equipment, the right music, candle, clothes, or location. While it's nice to get away to meditate at times, this isn’t about becoming a monk in a cave on a mountaintop somewhere!

3. You do not have to stop thinking or "quiet your mind." You work with the mind as it is, which will be different from practice to practice and day to day. The mind exists to make thoughts just as the eyes see and the ears hear – it's not reasonable to expect that to stop just because you decided to meditate. And, it's not a problem. You simply notice the thoughts, let them go and return to the breath (or whatever your anchor is) and begin again! Sweet!! You can begin again as many times as you need to! Each time you notice your thoughts have carried you away is a moment of awareness, of awakening. Excellent!

4. You do not have to think peaceful happy thoughts or be in a state of bliss – we work with what’s here and that is not always bliss!

5. Meditation will not necessarily make you more peaceful or make you feel better. It might, but what I have found is that it helps you to “feel better" and that means all the feels! A practice of peaceful abiding does not mean you will always feel peaceful, though you will find a way to be with things as they are and have the courage to ride the waves of this life. Deep down there is peace in that. Meditation is about acceptance and not being at war with reality.

6. Meditation is not hard or fancy – it’s actually very simple, very ordinary, (sometimes it will even feel very boring). Yet I have found it to be very potent in its simplicity.  Body has to be here – it is! Have to breathe – you are. Need to be present – you are!

7. The purpose of meditation is not to be good at meditation – it’s to be good at life! To be able to be and work with what is… through meditation, as my teacher, Susan Piver, said, "You actually get to be IN your life...not in your thoughts ABOUT your life!"

Why are Meditation and Mindfulness Important?

As I have mentioned, these practices have really enriched my life - deepening my connection to inner wisdom and guidance, opening my mind to fresh ideas, perspectives, and possibilities. They have also supported me through really hard times.

These practices:

Help you to be more mindful, more aware, more present to the reality that is here. They support you, ground you, and nourish you as you face this reality and ride the waves. (Pandemic, anyone?)
Increase self-awareness and help you to discover the nature of your mind.
Allow us to separate from our thoughts – we learn that they don’t have to carry us away with them and they're not always true. Therefore, we may give our stories less weight.
May change the way you are in the world - over time the way you think, talk, and interact with others may shift radically from your old norm.
May change who you are. I have found that they have lead me to be more compassionate, more open-hearted, more confident, more grounded. They provide a path to claiming the power to be who you really are.
Soften you toward yourself and others. All of this is grounded in gentleness which deepens compassion, self-compassion, and strengthens relationships.
May lead you to feel more, cry more, and to feel more deeply connected to others and to all beings.
Support you to actually be IN your life, not in your thoughts about life.
Open you to be more responsive and less reactive. When you can pause and respond in a mindful way, you are to choose and work toward change based on where you are right now. You meet yourself and one another in a way that is honoring of where each of you are.
Can interrupt our “spin cycles” – the thoughts that we each have constantly running, (catastrophizing, worrying). Mindfulness and meditation can interrupt these patterns, rewire the brain, and create new neural pathways! How amazing is that!?
Support us to become less judgmental and more accepting. We adapt to the truth that “it’s just like this right now” and we remember that whatever "it" is, it’s impermanent. We show up to life and ourselves with more curiosity, kindness, compassion

How to Integrate Meditation and Mindfulness into Daily Life:

Begin by becoming aware of your thoughts and stories, and get curious. Are they serving me? If not, choose to pay attention to something else – be deliberate with where you are placing your attention. Also be deliberate in what you are allowing into your mind and being.
Reflect on gratitude – begin noticing what you appreciate, things and people you might otherwise take for granted. Beginning or ending your day thinking about what you're grateful for can radically shift your experience of life. Begin to ask yourself , "What’s going right?" to help break free from our very natural tendency to focus on what's going wrong.
PAUSE – simply allow yourself a few breaths or moments to stop before responding to a demand or request or before rushing into what's next. Take just a little time to give yourself a little space throughout your day and notice how things shift.
Sit with your breath, feeling it moving in and out, even if you only have 1 minute. This is meditation. Consistency is more important than duration. It's better to build a practice of one minute/day than to sit once a week for 60 minutes.
Choose to begin your day intentionally - rather than reaching for your phone, take a moment to stretch, reflect on your gratitude, pray or meditate, drink some water, choose a quality to support you in your day. It can make all the difference in how you move through the following hours and interactions.
Explore different types of meditation – see what works for or resonates with you. Give yourself permission to find what is doable in the reality of your life (What you have time for? What feels nourishing and supportive?). Allow it to support you rather than be one more thing to do!
To practice mindfulness informally, engage in everyday activities with the intention of being mindful. This involves slowing down, paying attention, suspending judgment, and fully engaging in whatever experience is happening in the present moment. Put away devices of distraction - look around, use all of your senses to take in this moment; sit with another person and really listen to them; stare up at the stars; breathe in the fresh air. Opportunities for mindful presence are everywhere!

The practice of meditation (in which we forget, remember, come back, & begin again) is a practice we can bring into everyday life.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on meditation and mindfulness! What questions do you have? What have been your experiences with them in your own life? Please share in the comments below!

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Gratitude... a Practice that has Changed My Life

11/24/2021

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Gratitude! It’s all the rage this Thanksgiving week and you will likely be flooded with messages about it. But, here’s the thing. I have been practicing gratitude for at least 10 years now… so much so that it’s become part of who I am. Sometimes it’s a more formal practice of reflecting and writing out or typing up what I’m grateful for. Other times it’s simply an intentional reflection upon waking or before going to bed (try it – it can change your whole day or sleep!). And, at other times, I just notice it throughout the day – if I’m moving slowly enough to notice, there is so much that catches my attention and fills me with appreciation. Beautiful things, hard things I’ve faced and maybe worked through (at least a little), relationships that are easy, relationships that have been hard-won, things I could easily take for granted like the furnace running or the windows that allow in the beauty but keep the cold and critters out.

Opportunities for gratitude are everywhere. Sometimes I truly am grateful for the tears or for giving myself the time to hide away when I’m feeling sad, lost, confused, or afraid. It’s not all about sunshine and rainbows. And it’s definitely not about jumping over the hard stuff! I do not want gratitude to be seen as a spiritual bypass – something that we go to even when we’re not feeling that way. I don’t want anyone to squash themselves or to settle for less because they “know they should be grateful for what they have.”

Gratitude doesn’t say, “Stop longing. Stop desiring. Stop listening to your heart that is crying out for deeper connection or more meaning!” It should not stop you from leaving the job that is sucking the life out of you just because you “should be grateful” that you even have a job… especially a good-paying job with benefits. Please don’t weaponize gratitude in a way that keeps you stuck.

Allow it to be a practice that fills you up and expands your view of life. Let it change your experience of life as you regularly begin to notice what IS here that you do so deeply appreciate. Let it pour out of you as you openly express to others what you appreciate about them, even when it feels awkward at first because who does that!?

When we allow our attention to shift from its very natural, very human position of looking for what’s wrong or what could go wrong, to intentionally finding things to be grateful for, looking for what is “right” or “good,” we can literally change our brains. We can also improve our physical and mental health. We may find more joy, more flow, and less misery and angst.

When I tell you that I’ve been able to find gratitude even in my darkest hours, even when I’ve been afraid my son would die, even when I’ve been awake all night with worry or anger after a particularly contentious interaction, I’m telling you the truth. The key is I’ve also allowed myself to feel the fear, worry, anger, exhaustion. It’s not an either-or kind of life we live. We can feel it all. And somehow the gratitude helps us to see the bigger picture of life beyond the narrow focus that despair and crisis can create.

Gratitude is a life-changer - a genuine one. Not a life hack! I invite you to bring it into your daily life, not just on special holidays when the world tells you you should. I encourage you to extend your gratitude beyond the obvious (though it’s a great place to begin with those people who are closest to you, who you love and adore, who lift you up)… extend your gratitude to the people who’ve done the work to ensure that you’re even reading this message – perhaps the eye doctor who prescribed your glasses, the person who installed your internet, those who design and create the technology that allows us to be connected across the miles. Bring in gratitude for the farmers who planted the seeds and the workers who harvested the produce for the next meal you enjoy. Give thanks for the beauty of the birds and their music that fills the air. Find gratitude for the miracle that the sun continues to rise each day. Soak in the miracle of fresh air and fresh water and reflect on those who stand up and do the work to ensure that we continue to have these things.

Take a moment right now. What are you grateful for in this moment? Who do you want to share that with? Who would you like to send a quick note or text of appreciation? I invite you to join me in creating a wave of gratitude that continues beyond this week and that spreads far and wide. Pay attention to how that changes your life and the lives of those around you.

I am so grateful for you here in this community. Thank you for being you, and thank you for being here!

Here are a couple of meditations to support you in this practice: Invitation to Gratitude, Deeply Grateful, and Bathing in Gratitude Please enjoy and fill up with these offerings.

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Less is More

11/9/2021

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Photo Credit Renee Veniskey

Less is more... I know it's true and I feel the relief when I can actually let this idea guide me. And yet, I'm finding that after decades of efforting (and probably over-efforting many, many times), even when I don't think I'm doing or thinking or trying too much, I am. It really takes a lot for me to let down, to do less, to try less hard…

How have I been reminded? My body is showing me. It's coming through in chronic holding patterns in certain muscles that clench and grip all the time, even when they don't need to. It's coming through in tiredness from days that are booked too fully or that I simply fill with too many things and too many hours. It's coming through in carrying an excessive number of books and notebooks with me for short trips, thinking I'll get to way more than I do (and more than I even want to). It's reflected in mental fatigue when I think I can do too many things, accomplish too many tasks, finish too many projects in too little time! It lives in unrealistic expectations imposed upon myself that I would NEVER hold for another human being.

How might this idea that “less is more” be supportive and nourishing if it could truly be embodied and brought to life?

Well, for one, it would open up more space and time on the calendar, allowing for more breathing room, less stress, and more time to pause and relax.
It would come through in a body that feels less tight, less over-worked, less over-stressed, more rested, more open, more expansive.
It would be reflected in less clutter and more open space, fewer clothes overflowing closets and drawers, fewer books taking up every inch of shelf space and beyond (which would also lead to more breathing room and spaciousness).
Overall there would be a sense of trying less hard - less tension and effort in yoga and Tai Chi, and even in meditation. There would be a remembering there's no need or way to be perfect (especially with something that's new!).
It would come through in a more relaxed way of being in the world… letting go of any need to impress anyone or prove anything. Letting go of being the doer-of-all-things and the taker-carer-of-all-people.
There would be a sense of sweet simplicity, taking things one moment at a time - not multi-tasking, double-booking, or over-committing. This is a great time to year to be conscious about that!
There would be fewer programs paid for and never completed or feeling woefully behind in - pausing and discerning before following “bright shiny objects” everywhere would keep you cued in to what is really doable and what would truly be beneficial at this time in your life, given your current reality.
You'd find yourself not packing things too full - programs, PowerPoints, retreats, vacations, days… life!
Life would move at a sustainable pace and in a sustainable way. You could lower the bar on yourself - lessen unreasonable expectations.
You'd experience more lightness, ease, and joy, I believe! As there is less stress, angst, anxiety and worry, there's room for more openness, acceptance, wonder, and support.

What does it require?

Mindful awareness
Discernment
A willingness to resist temptation, the ability to say “no” and to be realistic
Pause (that pause… it's always so, so valuable)
Honesty, particularly with yourself
Gentleness and self-compassion

Of course, I offer all of this hypothetically speaking! I have only a vague idea what it really means to live from a “less is more” place, but I can certainly imagine the possibilities! I am willing to try it out more often!

Your invitation…
Take a few minutes to consider if “less is more” is something you'd like to experiment with in your life. Would it benefit you in any way? How and where might you begin to play with this idea, lightly, gently, and kindly? (no harsh taskmaster in a “less is more” world!).

Is there anything you need to give yourself permission for? A promise you want to make to yourself?

Play with these prompts, if you like:
I'd like less___________and more ___________
I will create less ________ and make room for more ______________
If less is more, what's possible?
Where would I like to begin?

This week's meditation, “Less is More," invites you to apply it to your practice - trying less hard, expecting less of yourself and of your practice.

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Alive in This Moment

11/1/2021

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Begin with Intention:
I begin each day by naming my intention - the quality I want to embody or have support me throughout the day. Frequently it's “love, ” “openness,” or “presence” and recently I am simply claiming “live.” This day… I just want to live it - not “seize it” but be present for it. I don't need to make myself get up at 4 AM in order to have self-care time or to “get the most out of this day.” And, I don't want to miss it, waiting for the things I'm excited about or the things I fear.

I want to notice the sweet moments and not take things for granted. So much I take for granted. I want to put down the distractions and be present when my son calls or I'm talking with my husband. Even in moments with myself, let go of multi-tasking so that I can be present. To be here now - to feel what it's like to be me in this moment. I also want to intentionally build my life around the things that matter most.

I want to say “yes!” to the walk with my loved ones rather than listen to another pre-recorded program that I'm already behind in. That can wait. This opportunity is here now, and it truly is a once in a lifetime moment. Each moment is. None of us has ever been in this moment before. Your body has never felt exactly as it does right now, even though you're making familiar motions, scrolling through your device as you have a million times before.

I also don't want to dwell unnecessarily on things from the past - regrets, hurts, misunderstandings, mis-steps that I could easily ruminate on endlessly. Nor do I want to be consumed by fears of what lies ahead - how things might go wrong, what awful things could happen, what I will do when my loved one dies. Because, truly, I have no idea what I will do or when that moment will come. I can trust I will show up to it then and remember that it is not happening now. Our minds are so quick to drag us into the past or shoot us into the future. It takes presence and awareness to keep coming back to this moment.

All I know for sure is what's here today - this plain ordinary grey chilly day. I am appreciating sleeping in supported by the extra darkness - the coziness of our bed, the heat that warms our home against today's chill. There is so much I take for granted in these simple ordinary days. I don't need to pressure myself to “savor them." No. I simply need to experience what's right here - this fuzzy pink robe, this soft cuddly warm purple blanket - feel myself embraced in their warmth. The next moment will come - I'm sure of that.

I don't want to look for everything that's wrong - the piles of mail and books on the counter, the dust building up on the dresser, the kale wilting in the produce drawer. It's too easy to get caught up in what I haven't done, what I should do, how I suck at housekeeping, or how my extra pandemic weight has lead me to buy a new pair of jeans in a size I've never had before.

I don't want a full life (at least not an overly full one) or a busy life - I hate how we've glorified being busy! We have a good life. Even with an unknown future ahead of us. We have a good life. We live in a cozy home in a beautiful place. I don't want to miss it. My health is good despite the daily aches and the extra bulges that I clearly don't care enough about to change.

I want to do things that don't make sense simply because they bring me joy. I want to be generous and spread love and compassion and give gifts when I can simply because I can. I want to live in a way that is nourishing to my soul - to prioritize those things that fill me up from the inside out.

Ordinary Days:
Recently I shared a passage from Jeff Foster's book The Way of Rest with my Soul Care group entitled “These Are the Days” which looked at the miraculous in ordinary moments. We ended by responding to the prompt, “If I were given just one more day, let me…”

It was profoundly insightful to each of us in considering how we want to live this day - because maybe this IS the one. Who knows? It's here now. Therefore, it matters. It is calling to be lived - not for me to have goals or to be productive or even to make a difference. Simply to be embraced and lived. And, I'm pretty sure my odds are better at making a difference, at being productive, if I show up to it with an open heart, present to myself and others.

We miss out on so much in the “between” moments - the ones that don't necessary feel special. We miss them because we are waiting for the grand ones or the awful ones. I want to breathe in this one. That softens and opens me… Will you join me? How do you want to live this day?

Your invitation…
Take a few minutes to ponder, meditate on, or free write into the prompt, “If I were given just one more day, let me…” If you choose to write, keep your hand moving across the page or keyboard for however many minutes you choose. If you get stuck, write the prompt again or “I don't know…” until you get flowing again. This process will allow you to get beneath the first thoughts and into deeper truths.

What rises up for you as most important?
How might you apply this to the rest of your life?
Why do these permissions or desires only feel possible if it were your last day?
What changes might you make in order to be more present with your aliveness in these ordinary moments?
How can you structure your days around the things that matter most?

Resources for you
This week's guided meditation is “Alive in This Moment.” Give yourself the gift of a few minutes to sit with yourself as you are for this practice. May it nourish and support you.

Please visit my Resource Page! Here you will find so much goodness to support you throughout your days - ordinary ones, wonderful ones, and harder ones.

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Getting Grounded

7/20/2021

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Phew! It's been a doozy of a week for me - lots of dips into funks, times of abandoning myself, questioning myself, doubting myself, getting down on myself… for no particular reason that I can pinpoint, which is the worst kind of out of sorts for me! I like to at least understand what's going on.

I try to remember that we all have these funks and I've talked to a lot of people who seem to be riding these funk waves with me at this time, but knowing it's to be expected and I'm not alone helps only a little. Sometimes I am better at being with the discomfort of it, and other times I really just want it to stop… to go away!

I definitely know that the more I'm able to let things be as they are and not aggressively try to change them, the more quickly it will move on through.

I also know that when the inner turmoil is stirring it can be really unsettling, and at times we even feel shaken up, not grounded at all. So, the theme this week is getting grounded.

Getting Grounded:

One of the quickest ways to do this is to simply feel your feet on the floor (or barefeet on the earth if you can), feel your body being held by the seat, bed, or ground, let out a few audible sighs, maybe even imagining the stress or burden sliding right off your shoulders. Notice how your body wants to move. Does your neck want some gentle circles? Do you want to wiggle or stretch in any way? Let yourself move until you are just a little more comfortable. Find yourself in this moment - look around - what do you see? What do you hear? Who else is nearby? Are you safe here? (If not, please find a way to get to a place where you are).

If you're feeling super agitated, you might want to shake your hands and arms (and maybe even your feet and legs) as if you're shaking off whatever it is that's getting to you.

Feel your breath - notice its natural rhythm and quality in this moment without trying to change anything. With each breath invite your belly to soften. Place your hands on your lap or on your heart or on your belly… feel your own warmth and tender touch - this is a gesture of self-compassion. Let yourself know that you are here for you.

Allow yourself a little time to not need to DO anything or to figure anything out, but simply to be here with yourself. Take the time you need… Connecting with your breath and feeling your body. Support yourself to get into your body in this moment in time. If there is any gentle reassurance you want to offer to yourself, please do… things like, “I'm here… we've got this… I love you. We will get through this. Shhhh….” can be tried out. If you find a phrase that softens your body a bit, offer that to yourself - lean into it. Let the softness come.

Repeat as often as needed. I've needed it a lot lately. After I feel a little more grounded I've found it to be helpful to take note of what's true in this moment by either writing about “In this moment…” simply allowing my pen to move across the page about whatever is here right now for a few minutes or just saying aloud or silently to myself, “OK, in this moment…” This helps to bring a reality check to this moment, this time, and keeps me from running away with the thoughts that may be carrying me in 900 different directions at once. Right here. Right now. Be here now. (Sometimes I recite this simple phrase to myself with every inhale, exhale, and pause).

How do you get grounded? I'd love to hear - please share your ideas so that we can add to our available practices!

I've recorded this guided meditation to support you in getting grounded. I invite you to give yourself a few minutes and allow yourself this time to settle in to this moment.

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Our Need for R.E.S.T...

7/13/2021

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Coming back from a couple of days away with my husband, Tom, I am reminded how vital REST is to our spirits, bodies, minds, hearts, and nervous systems. While we were away our only goals were to rest, relax, have fun, and flow with our days.

Yesterday I spent the day reading, writing, and relaxing by the pool – dipping in when the sun got too hot, getting in the shade when I needed a break from the sun, and talking and laughing with Tom. We were lighthearted and delighted by the simplicity of the day. We did not allow work or phones to interrupt our time. We consciously chose to take this time together to enjoy life and one another. Summer is a great and easy time to do this as it seems to lend itself to it – there’s a collective energy of play, vacation, and lightness.

On our drive home we listened to a podcast with Broadway sensation, Lin-Manuel Miranda, a wildly creative man! He shared that much of his inspiration for his shows came when he was in a relaxed state – floating in a pool or on vacation. Of course, there’s much hard work involved in bringing what he creates to life, but there is also an opening for creativity that happens when he is in a state of rest.

I have experienced this myself and witnessed it in others – it may look like we’re procrastinating or not creating because there isn’t yet anything to show the world. But, in reality, when we slow down and give ourselves some spaciousness, our mind is free to dream, to imagine, to visualize and we are open to receive bursts of insight, inspiration, and artistry. Percolation time is a necessary precursor (at least for some of us) for spurts of creativity.

It struck me that we all have a deep need for rest, for so many reasons. As a society we are often rest-deprived, placing value on busy-ness and productivity over this restorative space that can feel like nothing is happening. What we miss is that often, something important is still going on even though there isn’t outer evidence or product to show. When we have time and space, we can access fresh perspectives for problem solving, and our imagination can dream up things that wouldn’t be possible if we forced them. When our nervous system can relax, we are not in a state of fight or flight, but rather receptivity, wonder, and openness. We are more likely to respond more thoughtfully than react mindlessly.

I offer you this way to look at REST:
R – Re-boot
E – Exit
S – Space
T – Time

Re-boot: Just as your computer or phone can get bogged down or frozen and needs to be powered down and then re-started, we too need periodic re-boots. Without taking a break, we become overly reactive, spinning (just like that annoying circle on your computer), going nowhere. Our nerves are frayed, we’re depleted and drained. We need to interrupt this spinning by stepping back from the habitual pace at which we move and the typical things we mindlessly do. We need to power down, unplug - choose to give ourselves an intentional break to refresh, rejuvenate, re-fuel, re-energize (so many great R words… I could go on forever, but I’ll spare you! You can add your own). This allows us to start up again with renewed energy, fresh perspective, a lighter heart.

Exit – Like a performer, sometimes we need to “exit stage left” from the center of our lives where all the activity is happening. Get out of the spotlight, step behind the curtain, take off the costume, mask, and makeup and just BE. Whether you step away for 3 minutes, 3 days, or 3 weeks, an intentional exit will give you a chance to re-boot.

Space – We need space in our lives – physical space, space in our schedule, distance from one another and time between activities. I was highly aware of this on our drive. I want several car lengths between me and the car ahead of me; I want to change lanes well before I need to make a turn and in a time when it’s safe to get over.

This tendency transfers to life for me. I don’t want to be squeezed into a tight space where I have to react without thinking, to feel pushed or rushed. In traffic or in daily life, these scenarios make me anxious. It’s easy to fill our schedules so tightly with calls or meetings that there is no room between meetings for a bathroom or meal break or even time to do the actual work. It’s even easier to fill our schedules so that there is no time available for the mini reboots (a quick walk outdoors, a conversation with a friend, a breath of fresh air or a day off), and we begin to feel an internal pressure of constraint and overwhelm. We need breathing room in our days in order to think clearly, be inspired or creative, show up to life’s challenges at the top of our game (or at least closer to it).

Time – We need time… time alone, time to move more slowly, time to breathe, time to connect and time to reflect. This goes very closely with space, as you can see. We need to allow ourselves more time than we think we need to get places and finish tasks!! How many of you are overly optimistic when it comes to those kinds of things? When we give ourselves time, we create the space which allows us to exit or step aside for a moment or more in order to re-boot.

How do you know when you need a REST?

What are your signals when it’s time for you to give yourself this critical R.E.S.T.? How does your body let you know? Your mind? Your heart? Your spirit? Learn to listen more closely for these internal signals so that you can respond with self-compassion and kindness. We want to be proactive in creating this time of R.E.S.T so that we don’t find ourselves “resting” with a headache, illness, or injury.

Taking time to re-boot, exit, and allow space and time will have a ripple effect! Not only do you benefit – the people in your life will thank you too! Give it a try and please let us know your thoughts and experiences here. How do you like to give yourself R.E.S.T.? What happens when you don’t? What’s your promise to yourself in terms of honoring this need in the next little while?

In need of a R.E.S.T? Join me on retreat...

If you're in need of some serious rest, please consider joining me, Sandra Sabene, and Carol Moon for this year's Let Your Light Shine Retreat, September 24-28th at the deeply restorative space that is Light on the Hill Retreat Center in the gorgeous Finger Lakes of Western NY! We have created this time to allow you lots of space and time to let down, to connect with your inner wisdom and inspiration, to renew and be deeply nourished physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually! Early bird registration closes July 31st!

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Practice...In Real Life

7/1/2021

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If life has taught me anything, these are a few of the key lessons that apply across the board:

Things don’t always go as planned
My “control” is very limited, and mostly a delusion
Worrying never helps, but that doesn’t stop it from rushing in anyway
Where I place my attention and what I choose to focus on profoundly changes my experience of life.

As I write, I am in Austin where I’ve recently finished a powerful and profound writing and meditation retreat led by Susan Piver. Being in Susan’s home with 11 other writers opened me and my heart to the depth of what the next book wants to be. It was the perfect container and helped me to connect the way my meditation practice has supported me and carried me through some of the hardest times of my life. It is what has opened my heart and softened me in a way that allows me to bring love and compassion to people and experiences in a way that I don’t think I would have been able to otherwise.

In 4 days of sharing space, meditating together, and writing in communal silence, my heart blossomed, my tears came. and I felt the complexity of writing about our journey through addiction. I have stayed with it. I love our particular meditation practice because it is all about being awake in our lives, being able to be with life as it is and not needing to retreat within or push anything away. It takes courage to face life head-on, especially when what’s here is painful and uncertain.

Transitioning from retreat back into “ordinary life,” watching retreat dissolve, as Susan so beautifully described it, and returning to my regular pace and ways has been gradual and is right now still incomplete. I’ve been fortunate to be able to blend my retreat time with family time – to visit with my sister and her family who I haven’t seen in a couple of years (because… COVID…). It’s been a beautiful blend of together time and solo down time, time to meditate and write… time to sit in their heavenly backyard and drink in the sights and sounds of nature.

I have been reminded this week of the power of pure and simple moments. Our meditation practice is so pure in its simplicity… simply sitting with our eyes open, feeling the breath and allowing everything to be here, nothing to push away – sights, sounds, thoughts will all come and go, and when we get distracted to the point of having lost connection with our breath, we simply return and begin again. I’ve watched emotions rise and fall away, tears well up and wash down my face as insights and openings come through. I’ve had moments of distracted random thoughts – some inspired and others perfectly mundane. I’ve followed thoughts that led to pages and pages of handwriting into my next book, and I have witnessed the pauses when I touched on a tough concept or memory.

In the simplicity something that is beyond words happens. I felt the power of retreat – simply being together in a shared space where we are all in this together creates a palpable and magical force (I say “magical” because I’m never entirely sure what happens, but I feel it every time). While I can meditate and write on my own, and do on an almost daily basis, coming together to do these things amplifies it all in a lovely way. Having this community, a set schedule, and shared practice create the container where the magic comes to life as we each get in touch with our own inner wisdom, guidance, insight and as we share our moments of challenge and stuckness as well as our inspired moments of flow.

Pure and simple moments also included time with my precious little 3 year old great niece showing me her room, cuddling up and saying, “I love our whole family;” playing with my 6 year-old great nephew and his imaginary dog friend, Leo, who has a different attitude every day (thankfully it was a happy attitude the day he jumped on my head!) and watching his eyes light up with delight as he wove ever more intricate details of Leo/Liam’s adventures! Sharing lunch with my nieces, talking with their husbands, and introducing my sister and brother-in-law to the artistry and charm of Brandi Carlile, the twins, and Josh in their livestreaming campfire concert. A sweet hug and deep conversation with an old friend; sharing a walk to the local coffee shop to retrieve our mid-day drinks with our retreat group. Fun “girlfriend time” with my sister. Taking in the serene beauty of the deer, hummingbirds, and the nightly serenade of crickets and frogs. It’s been a week of precious, simple moments and memories – too many to recount.

And, the plan was, that yesterday, I would make another big transition – get on a plane and fly back across the country to reunite with my husband. Amazing how air travel lets us travel thousands of miles in a matter of hours.

Except… when it doesn’t quite work out. Yesterday was one of those days. My flight was at 3:50 and at 11:19 I received a text from Southwest simply stating, “SWA Flight #5269 from AUS is cancelled. Go to Southwest.com to rebook…” What!? I was shocked and confused – it’s not blizzard season! What the heck!? I tearfully called my husband as the first step in the process to give him a heads-up before I logged on to begin to figure things out.

As I looked at flight schedules, it became clear that there were no more flights that day, no seats available today, and it would be two full days before I could claim a seat to get back home. Okay, then… Time to reschedule my PT, haircut, and acupuncture and connect with my client… But first, I’m making that dinner reservation! Dammit, if I’m going to be here, we are going to eat well! We hadn’t felt like going out the night before, so let’s make the most of this!

Talking with my family, I shared a little worry that Friday’s flight might also be cancelled… it’s a holiday weekend, so it could be extra tricky (today’s report of 2+ hour lines to check bags today and 2.2 million travelers planning to fly out of Austin this weekend – the highest in 21 years confirmed that it’s going to be more than tricky!). Yikes! My niece wisely and calmly looked my way and asked, “What are you going to do with that worry?” Great question! I considered it for a moment and said, “Well, right now, I’m going to feel it… and let it be here and move through me” (or something like that – it felt true and she liked my answer! Bonus!).

I was shaken and simultaneously aware that I am very lucky to be in a beautiful home with people who love me enough to let me stay on and that this is a very first world problem… AND that I still get to be shaken, saddened, and worried. Talking with my son and husband helped me to begin to process and adjust to the idea that the freshly stripped bed needed to be re-made, the perfectly packed suitcases (really, I was way more organized than usual) had to be reopened, and I had to/got to settle back in for a couple of bonus days with my family. My practice allowed me to do all of that relatively automatically.

Cultivating a heart that can hold it all… this is what it’s about. Disappointment mixed with the delight of fresh opportunity, sadness mixed with joy and enjoyment, a little concern of being a burden, and acceptance that this is what’s here for me today. I’m consciously trying to stay in the moment and to be here now even as I notice my thoughts flit ahead to tomorrow… what time should I realistically get to the airport? What happens if I check my bags and then they cancel my flight? Will I get home in time to be at my friend’s son’s celebration of life? Will I get to see my son on Sunday? Or will I be in Austin and get treated to the local incredible 4th of July fireworks that they say they can see right out the backyard from the heavenly patio that has offered such beauty and peace this week?

We shall see… For now, in this moment, I am grateful for the extra time, for being in a safe and comfortable place with people I love who can and will share it with me, for a delicious leftover lunch and plans for an uplifting movie date with my sister, and for my awareness that where I place my attention makes a world of difference in my experience of life. I choose to find the good within this change of plan rather than continuing to be upset or to worry.

Fingers crossed for a smooth airport check-in and ease-ful on-time cross-country travel at the same time I let go of control I don’t have anyway. If you’d hold that vision with me, I’d appreciate it, and I’ll take it one moment at a time. It’s really all any of us can do. This moment is pretty sweet.

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Everyday Beauty

6/1/2021

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This week I come to you with a simple, but not easy invitation. Slow down and notice the everyday beauty all around you. Pause to take in sights, sounds, scents. Cherish a sweet smile shared in passing with a stranger. Savor a conversation with a friend. Take your time as you enjoy the sweetness of a strawberry.

This practice pairs well with gratitude and it can completely shift our experience of life because it redirects our focus. Even in hard times, sad times, angry times, there is beauty to be found. The more we notice, the more often we remember to look. We soften and we begin to allow in “this too…” Even as my heart breaks, I can find the beauty in a flower offered with love. Even when it's a dark and gloomy day, there is a fleck of color that catches my eye.

Curious... What do you notice?
I'd love to hear about the beauty you notice as you move throughout your day. I'm also curious what shifts for you as you take time to look for it… to include it. Please share in the comments below!

This isn't about painting over anything painful or hard. It's about saying “this too…” This too is here. It isn't all good or all bad, all black or all white - there are so very many shades of color in between.

This week's meditation is “Everyday Beauty.” I invite you to join me in this practice as we slow down and become present… as we notice the beauty we might otherwise miss. May this practice fill you up.

If you've missed previous meditations, you can access my entire library for free at Soundcloud. I invite you to explore and see which practices would most support you this week.

A Beautiful Invitation for You:
Doors are open for my Soul Care group (which is a truly beautiful thing in itself) for the summer session which begins next Monday, June 7th. This is a group that comes together to focus on self-care and also nurturing and nourishing our souls so that they are filled up! We will be gathering every other week on Monday evenings from 7-8:30 PM EDT June - August. Email me to apply if you're interested in joining this group.

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Cultivating a Relationship of Self-Trust

12/20/2020

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How well do you trust yourself? Really trust yourself for things like listening to your inner guidance, being with yourself through all of your experiences, listening to your body, and having your own back?

We live in a world that encourages us not to trust ourselves… not believing in ourselves, looking outward for answers, guidance, solutions. Buy this makeup, follow this diet, change your world. Listen to this guru who knows what you need (and is all too happy to tell you so!). Follow this trend…

Furthermore, most of us have a loud and ferocious inner critic who is all too happy to tell us all the things that are wrong with us – causing us to doubt ourselves or beat ourselves up when we think we’ve said the wrong thing, done the wrong thing, or are considering taking a big bold leap into something new. “Who do you think you are?” is often a familiar refrain.

Is it any wonder that many of us struggle in this area? Trusting ourselves, believing in ourselves, being with ourselves through joy and pain is not something that has been taught or encouraged.

I was inspired to explore this topic after discussing one of Susan Piver’s talks (which you can find here) with my Meditation Instructors Group. One of the key takeaways for me was that turning toward our experience, leaning into our feelings, is a critical element to cultivating a trusting relationship with ourselves. Feeling the reassurance that we have the capacity to be with ourselves, to make room for our feelings, to be with the unknown, not that we have all of the answers, but that we resourced enough to turn toward what is here, moment by moment.

Trusting ourselves comes into play when we find ourselves facing a familiar uncomfortable scenario – remembering things we have been through in the past and acknowledging past courage, strength, resilience. We can also trust that we have grown and changed since the last time we’ve been confronted with a situation; we are not the same person, so we can respond differently this time.

Building a loving relationship of gentleness, compassion, and kindness toward ourselves allows us to come home to ourselves in a way that feels safe because we can trust that we will be received in a way that is welcoming. When we can learn to trust ourselves, when we find ourselves worthy of our trust, life changes.

I invite you to play with this idea. Try trusting your intuition, your gut, your wisdom and guidance, your ability to know what you need and to ask for help when you need it. Play with the idea that you’ve got this (whatever “this” is) and at the very least you will walk with yourself through it, finding your way.

Value your own opinion and ideas. Respect your own experience. Cherish your moments of delight. Sit with your moments of sadness and fear, knowing you don’t have to push through or jump over anything – you get to be exactly where you are, moment by moment! The more you meet yourself in this way, the stronger this practice will become. The more deeply you will find yourself in a place of centered self-trust.

I’ve recorded this short talk and meditation for you to support your exploration.

If you’d like to receive weekly meditations from me, email me and say “please add me to the meditation list!” and you will receive one each Wed. AM.

Please share your thoughts, reflections, and insights below!

Wishing you peace, love, and trust!

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Grace

11/8/2020

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I’ve been pondering “grace” as we move toward our Virtual Mini Retreat on the 11th, Finding Grace. I wonder if it may be slightly mis-named, as I think grace may be unfindable. Grace finds you.

What is grace? It is not those words we rotely recited at dinner as a child (or maybe, for you, it is).

You can witness it, experience it, feel it, but it seems to be beyond words. It’s not something you work at, but rather an ethereal quality that enters into both beautiful and troubling moments of life. There is an opening to grace, an allowing that happens.

Grace is present in the pre-dawn hours when a mother sits in the dark, gently rocking her sweet sleeping baby. Grace is present in the soft kiss on the brow of a dying loved one. Grace enters in and carries us in the moments we don’t lose it in the midst of rage and confusion – when instead we are able to stand steady and face whatever is here. When we are able to be clear, confident, and compassionate, even as our voice quakes and our whole being shakes.

Grace is a Divine presence that encircles us when we come together in times of fierce and gentle love. Grace holds us when we surrender and allow ourselves to be led. Grace is also present in the strong actions of protest against injustice and wrong-doing. When we find the courage to stand up and face our oppressor, and say “no more” in a clear and unwavering stance, grace surely stands by our side.

Grace is witnessed in the silent prancing of the deer, the smooth flight of the seagull, the head toss of a frolicking horse. In the breath-taking performance of a ballerina or a singer taken over by a mighty force from within. Those moments that leave you breathless. I think grace is present there.

So, how do we “find grace?” We quiet our minds. We slow down our busy selves. We open our hearts and our eyes to notice. We breathe softly. We listen deeply. We love fiercely.

Grace is in the magic of the rising and setting sun, the changing of the leaves to orange, yellow, and red, in the delicate uniqueness of the snowflake. Grace can be soft, and it can also be fierce.

Grace is in the miracle of lives spared in unimaginably treacherous situations. It is in the reuniting of lost loved ones. It is in the protection of the imprisoned as they find their way home. Grace finds us and opens us if we allow it.

Grace is in the language of the poet, the flow of the dance, the stroke of the artist’s brush, the gentleness of the breeze, and the reflection of the still pond.

For something that is beyond words, I’ve just found a lot… after all, grace is worthy of our curiosity, our exploration, our inquiry. Grace deserves to have us sit with her and feel her softness and her strength in the beating of our heart, the pulsing of our veins. Grace is a life force energy all its own.

We will not see it in the blustering of an enraged person or in one driven by fear or vengeance. Does grace exist in fear? I don’t know, but I do know it can glide in as a balm if we allow it.

Grace is admitting when the fight is over and walking away. Grace is embodied in acceptance, and it walks hand in hand with dignity. Grace is woven into the tapestry of healing and recovery. Grace is in the eyes of the one who can look beneath the surface, into the heart and soul of another, and see the essential goodness.

Grace is in extending compassion to those who have hurt you. It slips into the dark places of pain to say, “May I begin to forgive you in order to release my soul from the agony of so much anger, hatred, and blame.” Grace says, “I’m sorry. I was wrong. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Please forgive me.” Grace loves when it seems unreasonable, and grace also holds the boundary that says, I love me too, and this I cannot/will not endure any longer.

Grace will guide us when we ask to be led to it. In the quiet still moments, ask. What do you find? Invite it in. Let it hold you in troubling times. What do you feel? It is worthy of noticing.

For me, this simple exploration has softened me. It has slowed my entire being. It has calmed each cell in this body and soothed my racing mind.

Grace holds fiercely, but lightly, what she stands for. Grace is Divine. It cannot be defined, for words limit its boundlessness, but it can most certainly be felt and seen.

It is the sparkle in the darkest of times that whispers, “We will be ok. We will be ok. We are ok. We are stronger than we think, and we will get through, but not by kicking and screaming and forcing things to go away. We will be ok when we accept and allow, and show up to follow our guidance. We will be ok.”

Thoughts? I invite you to sit with the idea of grace. What comes up for you? Please share.

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Meditation and Mindfulness - Life-Saving Practices

Gratitude... a Practice that has Changed My Life

Less is More

Alive in This Moment

Getting Grounded

Our Need for R.E.S.T...

Practice...In Real Life

Everyday Beauty

Cultivating a Relationship of Self-Trust

Grace

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