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Out of the Darkness...Into the Light

12/21/2020

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Today marks the winter solstice here in the Northern Hemisphere.  On this darkest day of the year, the pivotal moment between dark and light, it is the perfect time to honor the darkness that has come into our lives through addiction.  It is a time to honor those who have been lost to the disease, to remember them with love.  It is a time to honor the struggle and the perseverance of those who are on the journey of recovery, and to honor ourselves and other loved ones who have also found a way through the darkness. 

In honoring the darkness and in grieving the losses we have endured, we bring those moments into the light.  When we bring them into the light, they are no longer hiding in the shadows, lurking in shame, or hidden in silence.  We claim and name our experience.  We see it for what it has been.  We presence it. 

When we do this, we are able to step forward into the light.  Just as the days begin to get longer with a bit more light from tomorrow on, we too can begin to bring more light into our homes and our beings. 

Addiction is a painful disease, as you undoubtedly know.  It affects everyone in its wake and can take down entire families with the weight of its suffering. 

However (and this is a big however), the journey from darkness to light does not have to take us out forever.  It is possible to find hope, joy, peace, love, and to create a brighter tomorrow, even when we have been impacted by addiction. 

If you are reading this, you are alive, and for that fact alone there is reason to celebrate.  You have been given the opportunity to live one more day.  What will you do with this one precious life you have been given?  How will you set your soul free to express itself?  What is uniquely yours to do?

Is there some way to honor your journey up to this very moment--the good, the bad, and the ugly, the full messiness of it all?  The painful, the joyous, the fearfulness, and the hope?  Whatever it’s looked like in the past, today marks a new day, albeit a short one.  Tomorrow offers the light of fresh possibility, as each day does.  How do you want to step into tomorrow? 

If we are able to find a way to turn our pain (or darkness) into possibility (or light), we can transform these heavy experiences into something that serve and support us and others.  We can show up for life more fully.  We can become who we were born to be. 

Let’s face it, 2020 has carried a full load of darkness, collectively, along with anything that you might have experienced personally. 

For many the holidays are emotionally-charged times and may bring in a healthy mix of emotions… sadness, joy, celebration, loneliness. I know I will be feeling both sadness for those who are not with us during this holiday season as well as joy and gratitude for those who are. 

There is room for it all.  When we allow ourselves to feel it all, to allow our hearts to carry this messy mix of what makes us human, we are able to move through it. 

“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” ~ Brene Brown
 
So, let this pivotal day be a day that marks the honoring of both the dark and the light.  Let us take a step back and look at the big picture of our lives and recognize that our experiences have not been all good or all bad, but rather a mix of both. 

Addiction can entomb us with its heavy cloak of darkness if we let it, but we can choose to lift up the corner of that cloak and peek outside.  We can lay down the heaviness and step into the light.  We get to choose. 

We may well prefer the moments of lightness, light-heartedness, and light in general, but there is also a gift to receive during the dark and challenging times.  We must be willing to sit with this part of our reality if we are to truly enjoy the light. 

I have found that it is in the dark where I have grown the most.  I wonder if that might be true for you as well.  I offer you this poem for consideration.  

The Places We Grow
It’s in the dark,
in the shadows,
where we stretch and grow.
 
We face ourselves
and see a new or forgotten aspect,
a piece we’d rather ignore or deny.
 
But there it is…
staring us down,
daring us to change,
to find a new way,
or to simply come into acceptance.
 
Sometimes it’s about overcoming
or adjusting.
Finding a way to do this with
love, compassion,
and gentle communion.
 
Honoring the self…
who I am,
where I am,
what I need,
what my baggage is.
 
And stepping into a deeper layer,
excavating and shifting,
allowing new light in,
and new hope out.
 
These are the places we grow –
often watered
and nourished with tears.
  © Barb Klein, 2016, “The Places We Grow,” from 111 Invitations: Step into the Full Richness of Life
 
Where and how can you nourish yourself today?  How might you allow some new light in--to your being, to your life?  How can you allow a little more hope to shine into the world? 
 
Begin by greeting yourself exactly where you are--gently, with tenderness, care, and compassion.  Offer yourself the space and grace to feel into what’s alive within your heart at this moment.  Ask your heart what it needs at this moment to be truly nurtured and nourished.  Then respond accordingly.  You deserve your own loving care.
 
We are on the cusp of a new year and we can only hope that 2021 is bringing with it new possibility, hope, and fresh beginnings.  Today let’s pause.  Let’s look at our lives and our loved ones with reverence. Let’s honor this journey where we have walked, crawled, and stumbled while we look ahead to the light of new creativity.  Let’s let this darkest day of the year—December 21-- be a personal pivotal moment for us to enter an illuminated future.  

* Originally published in MomPower. org 


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A Vow

1/1/2020

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Often in our lives we make vows that serve to keep us safe or comfortable, but don’t really serve us in the grander scheme of things… vows like, “I’ll show them!”  “I will NEVER be like _______!” (likely someone who probably has some good qualities as well as whatever you are reacting to right now). “ I am not someone who ______!” (takes a risk that might actually bring joy or peace). “I will never love again!”  “This is just who I am.”  You get the idea…  do you have any of these? 

This morning I awoke with a strong vow brewing within me, needing to be expressed.  This is what it is  – I vow to bring something positive out of our experience with addiction into this world.  And, more importantly, I vow that addiction will NOT take my life, regardless of what it does to my son.  It does not have to break me, shatter me, or my world. 

This came to me almost as a promise to my son as I reflected on people I love, people who are my teachers – this journey will not be for nothing.  I feel a strong awareness and strength that I am still here.  I am still standing…despite many years of turbulence. I will do something positive and not let this monster destroy me, destroy us.  I am taking a stand for my life, my marriage, my work, and my larger family.  This is a stand I can take against this beast which seeks to consume and destroy my son, as well as everything in its wake. 

​I get to draw the line on where its damage stops.  It does not get to take everything from me.  Period.  That is within my control.  I do not have the disease.  It is not coursing through my veins and brain, and it does not get to define me or my life. 

This feeling is strong and vital as it surges through me – this life force energy that declares, “I will live.  I will thrive.  You cannot take me too.”  It’s not an angry reactive feeling, but rather a deeply calm, clear, and oh-so-strong knowing deep, deep, deep in my soul.  

I have purpose.  I have passion, and I will embody them and be a light in this world.  A lighthouse.  A beacon for those who are lost in stormy waters.  I do not have to go down with my son, and I most certainly will not, no matter how many times it beats at my shores, knocks me down, tears at my heart.  Again, and again I will stand – I will rise again and lift others up as we stare down this beast, and say, “NO!  Your damage stops here!” 

Well, all righty then… happy New Year!  Here I am world!  Apparently writing my manifesto for the decade… The power in this image and these words is palpable.  I am here. I am alive. I claim my life and step boldly, strongly into 2020, this year, this decade, this next day of my life. 

That’s all each of us is asked to do in any given moment – just show up.  Don’t give up.  Don’t hide out.  Show up.  The world needs what each of us has to bring and no one else has what you have to offer.  Your experiences, your vision, your words, your creativity – uniquely yours and deeply needed.  It doesn’t matter what’s already been said or done… no one else has done or ever will do what YOU have to offer.  There is only one _____________ (insert your name here), and there will never be another like you. 

We each have demons and things that threaten our well-being, peace of mind, and happiness.  What are yours and what stand do you want to take on behalf of yourself this day? 

As for me?  I vow to make this life matter.  I vow to take what I’ve learned from some of my most painful experiences and offer them as hope, strength, and inspiration.  And, I vow to enjoy my life – to live while I can, with no waiting.  I will be brave and courageous and wholehearted in my living – thank you, Brene´ Brown for that inspiration!  I am here and I choose to live! 

How about you? 
​As you step into this day, this new year, this new decade, what vow will you make as a heart promise to yourself?  Where can you be a light? Please drop me a note or share below.  I’d love to hear!  Together we help each other to see possibilities we may not have imagined before.  I stand beside you as we journey boldly into this new moment.  
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Sitting with Sadness

7/24/2019

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I woke up feeling super sad the other morning...and I don't really know why.  As I journaled with the grey rain falling down around me, the tears came, and I just let them.  As the day went on, I also spiraled into moments of frustration, anger, self-doubt, self-judgment - basically a messy stew of ickiness that I really don't like sitting in!  As I made up stories about why I was feeling this way, I knew they were just that - stories made up by me that weren't grounded in reality, but just a reflection of how shitty I was feeling, wanting to be able to place the blame somewhere, wanting to somehow make sense of this... 
 
Sitting with sadness… 
Can you sit with it?  Of course, you can, but who wants to?  I find myself having many other preferred feelings and an acute desire to jump out of my own skin and beyond the sadness into whatever’s next!  Anything is better than this lonely empty place.  Sometimes even anger is a welcome relief, simply to break up the dull ache.

And yet, if I can sit with my sadness when it’s here, this is part of coming home to myself. With love, with honesty, with kindness and compassion, and with integrity. With tears, with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, with all of my doubts and worries.  This IS self-care – the part we don’t often talk about.

When I can consciously sit with my sadness, I allow myself to sink into the feeling in my body – is it warm, heavy, tingly, spiky?  I let go of pretending that everything is fine. I let the tears flow.   I let go of the forced smile. 

I let go of the things I do to avoid feeling the sadness – you know, filling up my time with busy tasks, getting lost in social media hoping to find some true connection (oh, honey… this is not where you’ll find that!), housing that pint of Haagen Das (it really doesn’t even taste good), sleeping longer than I need to, or distracting myself basically in any way possible. 


Filling the Void... 
We all have our ways of seeking to fill that void.  Brené Brown talks about it as numbing and Jennifer Louden names these are our “shadow comforts.”  These things that we do take us away from the uncomfortable feeling.  They may even appear to be good choices at times, but they don’t really fill us up or nourish us.  In fact, they usually take us away from the things that truly would. 

And yet, all of this is part of being human.  We all go through these times, and it can be hard to know what to do with it.  I was talking with my friend, Mary, about this and she shared an experience of sitting with one of her young students whose feelings had been hurt.  She offered him this choice... did he want her to give him strategies to feel better or just let him be sad for as long as he needed to?  He chose to just feel sad... for about 5 minutes bawled his eyes out while she sat with him and gave him all the space he needed to feel exactly what he was feeling.  Then he was done.  Ready to move on.  What a gift Mary gave this little boy.  Too often we rush to find the "feel good" feeling again and skip over this part of our humanity.  Too often we try to make others feel better rather than just sitting with them. 

You are Not Alone... 
Does it suck?  Yup.  Does it mean there’s something wrong with you?  Not necessarily.  Are you alone when you're in this place?  No.  It sure felt that way to me that morning, and yet in reality, I was not.  I found a couple of friends who have the ability to sit with me in my messiness and hear all of the dark thoughts that creep into my mind.  I cried.  I remembered we all have these days.  I didn’t beat myself up too terribly much for being in that state.  Too often we add to the suffering by getting upset with ourselves for being upset! 

So, the next time you find yourself swamped by sadness, whether it’s expected or not, whether it makes sense or not, give yourself the grace of being a human being who feels.  I invite you to allow yourself the time to gently be with yourself and allow yourself to feel into it, rather than trying to push it down or away.  Be with yourself and allow yourself to feel all the feels – it is oh, so natural.  Give yourself the grace to get the support you need – reach out to a friend, get to a counselor, ask for help and allow yourself to receive it.   You don’t have to go it alone… 

And, if this is more than a passing sadness, but something that is taking you down and out of your life, please seek professional help.  Here are some resources to get you started: National Institute of Mental Health.

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    About me...

    I am a writer, coach, and teacher, and I love capturing life's many moments through writing, whether that be journalling, blogging, poetry, or essay.  I have always found the written word as a natural way for me to express what lies within.  

    This is the space where we get real.  I will write about my life experiences and things that I find my clients encounter in their daily lives.   

    What's real for you? What would you like me to write about?  Feel free to share with me topics you would like to see discussed and please join in the dialogue through the comment section. Your engagement makes the blog a much richer place to hang out!

    Thank you for joining me on this journey!!    

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Barb Klein
Inspired Possibility
585-705-8740
barb@inspiredpossibility.com