Category: Perspective

Do You Feel Free?

7/1/2019

I woke one morning last week clearly hearing this question in a woman’s voice in my head: “Barb, do you feel free?” It has stayed with me since then. It’s hung around because I’m not sure how to answer it. In many ways, yes, I absolutely feel very free. And then there are the ways I don’t… the ways I hold myself back and the reasons I do. The things I let stop me. The beliefs behind those decisions. The people I care about and what I think they need from me. Responsibilities, obligations, and commitments. Financial realities. Rules and laws.

What does “free” even mean? Apparently that’s a great question since Merriam-Webster has 15 definitions, many with their own sub-definitions… Take a look and see which ones you are curious about.

The one thing that helps me to feel free is to remember that I am always at choice -- as long as I am willing to accept the consequences of my choice. I don’t get to choose how other people behave, but I am not powerless about how I respond. I get to decide what my role will be, what words I will say and what actions I will take.

I don’t get to choose my feelings – they come in without warning quite naturally. But I do get to choose what I do with those emotions. How I respond, how much weight I give them, how long I stay with them.

I do have choice, even though I may not realize it in the moment.
Freedom to choose is paramount.
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I think I’ll spare you further musings while I continue to ponder this question that is landing deep in my being and invite you to join me.

Do you feel free? What does “free” mean to you and how do you know if you are or aren’t? Where do you feel free? Where do you feel trapped or powerless? How might you bring in some more freedom to your days? Why is free important? What would life be like if you were free?

Here’s one of my favorite songs to accompany you as you explore.

Please, please share in the comments below. This feels like a rich conversation! I look forward to hearing your insights and thoughts.

Thanks for playing!

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In This Moment...

1/29/2018

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Go ahead, pause, breathe, and check in…
In this moment, what do you notice? What are you feeling, thinking, sensing in your body?

Taking a moment to tune in is one of the best ways to bring yourself into presence.

And bringing ourselves into presence is one of the best ways of stepping out of future worry or past regret. It’s one of the best ways to find peace that has nothing to do with anyone or anything outside of yourself.

“In this moment…” is a phrase that has supported me when I otherwise might slip into agitation or concern about something beyond my control. Perhaps “in this moment” has let me see that, in reality, there is very little within my control after all. But, in this moment, I can notice and appreciate what’s here. And let go of what’s out there, beyond my immediate reality.

“In this moment” has supported me and allowed me to surrender… to allow or acknowledge what is really happening rather than slipping into resistance or “it shouldn’t be this way!” (click here if you’d like to see my humorously sideways look at the idea of surrender). Only after I acknowledge what is true can I decide whether there is an action for me to take or not. It allows me to begin to choose how to act or respond accordingly.

“In this moment” deepens my gratitude practice. For example, even when there’s a storm raging outside, in this moment, I take the time to notice and appreciate that I am in a warm house with the love of my life, we are safe and sound, and I can breathe in gratitude for that. Even if there are a million things on my to-do list tugging at me (which there invariably are), if I’m at yoga class I can bring myself back to my practice and appreciate that I am taking the time to strengthen and care for myself.

Even when things are not be going the way I want in my life, I can pause and appreciate what’s here. I can almost always find something to be grateful for, no matter how much distress I’m in.

“In this moment” also allows me to focus on what’s before me right now. What task do I need to complete? (for me right now it’s writing this blog to get out to you!) One thing at a time… no multitasking. Being with what needs my full attention right now. Maybe making a note or two in my calendar for next things that I will get to when their time comes.

How might “in this moment” support you? Give it a try and let us know.

Pause – breathe – bring yourself into presence… what is truly here right now?

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The Power of Gratitude

11/26/2015

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It was natural for me to think of all of you today and to be inspired to sit down and write a quick note to you. I am so very grateful for those of you who support me in doing the work that so fills my heart and soul with purpose. You inspire me, and I am grateful for that. I learn from you and I am driven to become a better me because of you. So, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being a part of my world.

It’s Thanksgiving here in America, a day when we are reminded to be thankful. It’s a day when many do take a moment to pause and reflect on what it is that we are grateful for, and that’s a beautiful thing. But, what’s even more beautiful is when we incorporate gratitude into our everyday living. When we can find gratitude for small things we can truly change our attitude and our state of wellbeing. For me that cute bulldog puppy in the grocery store parking lot who made me smile this morning was one of those small things. Today I also really appreciated the yoga teachers who were offering donation-based practices, giving of their time to be of service to our community. I am grateful that my husband is raking out our gardens and preparing them for the winter ahead. I’m grateful for a couple of days of warmth that are here so that I can put my Christmas lights up with comfort. And, I am grateful for my family that is with me today, even as I miss those I love who aren’t here now.

There have been a lot of posts out recently about the power and health benefits of gratitude, and I encourage you to search them out if you’d like to know more. I’m here to share my personal experience with the power of a daily gratitude practice.
Most days I post what I am grateful for that day on my Facebook page – sometimes in the morning, but usually in the evening as I reflect back on my day. And this might make my life look great and throw me into that unloved group of people called the “better thans” (or something like that – people who give the impression that their lives are so much better than yours). That’s not my intention at all, and sometimes I include gratitude for the sadness or grumpiness I’ve felt that day and for my ability to be with it or to let it pass. I’m always grateful when I’ve been able to find gratitude on a day when it’s really hard. And, for me, that’s one of the most powerful aspects of this practice – it helps me to shift my perspective from “That was a really crappy day” to, “Yes, I’m having a really tough time right now AND I can still find things to be grateful for."

I am striving to welcome all aspects of the full richness of life into my experience, because this is real, and being real is really important to me. Life is full of ups and downs, shadow and light, joy and sorrow for ALL of us. To fully live life means to allow what is here to exist, to not always be wishing for something other than what we are living in this moment, and to remember that everything is in a state of flow and transition.

Whatever we are feeling right now won’t last forever, whether we perceive it to be “good” or “bad.” So to be able to breathe in to the here and now, to notice it and welcome it in, whether it’s really joyful or peaceful or extremely painful or uncomfortable, is a valuable practice. This noticing and welcoming helps me to get back into a flow with life. Often times when I am suffering I notice that it’s because I am resisting some aspect of my life, wishing it were different, wanting something else, something I may never have. Also, I don’t want to miss out on truly appreciating and soaking in the sweetness of a particular day.

So, to find a way to be grateful even when life doesn’t look the way I’d like it to, even when my heart is really heavy and I’m feeling very sad and afraid has helped me to keep on going. It helps me notice and remember all that is in my life, and it helps me to slow down and be present. It allows me to find and create joy and peace and to have those coexist with sadness and loss. It’s not an all or nothing world – there’s room for it all.

My invitation to you is to find a way to incorporate gratitude into your daily life in whatever way works for you. You could simply take a moment of quiet, close your eyes and silently reflect on what you feel grateful for in that moment and really feel the sensation in your body. You might want to journal in the morning or evening (or any time in between) a list of a few things you’re grateful for. I’ve found gratitude to be a really great way to begin my day and start it off with an intentionally different tone than it might have otherwise had, and it’s also a great way to send myself to bed and into a more peaceful sleep. You might choose to send a quick note to people you appreciate, letting them know what it is you appreciate about them.

Thoughts? What ideas do you have for bringing gratitude in to your life? What have you found to work or what would you like to try? Please let us know in the comments below – it’s through sharing that we all may grow and learn.

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An Extraordinary Life

9/28/2015

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Recently a friend commented to me that I have quite an “extraordinary life.” Hearing that hit me with a familiar sting… a long-held belief that I need to hide or apologize for the life I’ve created. Shame over being “spoiled,” for having a great husband, for being able to do work I love, and for making time to honor and care for myself. But as I thought about it some more, I realized that yes, I do have an extraordinary life, even while it’s not all roses and sunshine by any means.

Some parts of my life are not at all what I would like them to be, and in another conversation a friend could easily be saying, “Oh, poor you. How do you survive?” Most of the time I not only survive, I thrive, because I choose to focus on the big picture, and overall life is pretty damn good. And, I don’t need to apologize for that. In fact, I need to claim it because I have created this life.

Yes, I am lucky to have an amazing husband who supports me in all that I do – that too was a choice I made/we made. A choice to date and marry him, to invest in our relationship during the dark moments, and work on the partnership we’ve had for 30 years, and to recommit to him in front of 80 friends and family for the rest of my life. He wasn’t handed to me on a silver platter at my birth, and we didn’t get to where we are today without commitment, work, love, humor, and a willingness to draw together in tough times.

I have an extraordinary life and I truly believe that an extraordinary life is available to each of us, whether you have an amazing partner or not. In fact, I believe you probably have an extraordinary life right now, even if you haven't seen it that way.

Life doesn’t always go the way we planned it to. “Bad” things happen to us and to people we love. Dreams we’ve held forever don’t come true or shatter all around us. Stories of what family should look like may be more fiction than truth in our world. Our work and financial life might not look like what we’d love it to be. And, always, always, always we have a choice about how we respond and what we do with life. The chain of choices and responses leads to today’s reality.
How many times do we quit before the miracle can occur? There are no overnight sensations. Things don’t happen as quickly or in the way that we’d like, so we walk away discouraged and distraught before things even have a chance to get rolling. We listen to the harsh inner voice that questions and challenges us with a nasty voice that says, “You’ll never make it – what were you thinking?”

How often do we let despair take over and wash away hope? When things look and feel daunting, overwhelming, and totally out of whack, this is an easy place to succumb.

How often do we live in the past, dwelling on regrets and “could’ve,” and “should’ve” wishes that didn’t come true? Alternatively, how much time do we spend worrying about the future – what might be? Fretting about things that might never come to pass? Drifting away from what is real right now takes us down roads that don’t serve us in creating what we want. We must first stand solidly with what is true today.

How often do we hold back rather than take that stretch, follow our heart, take a risk, or dare to try something new – something we’ve never done before or even imagined we could? If we never ask for what we need or want we don’t stand a chance of getting a “yes.”

In order to change today’s reality and to begin to chart a different course, something has to change in mindset, action, or both. As Einstein said, it is insanity to do the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

Hard times come to all of us. My “extraordinary life” is not without struggles, sadness, heartbreak, and loss. I feel them and at times they take me down and out. But these aren’t the places I choose to stay overly long.

There have been plenty of things along that way that could have stopped me in my tracks and there are things now that could consume me and take me off course if I let them. None of this “extraordinariness” came to be overnight, and it certainly didn’t come without effort, commitment, decisions, and baby steps along the way that have brought me to today.

What would an extraordinary life look like for you? What is extraordinary about your life right now, exactly as it is? Sometimes just noticing things differently creates a new "reality." Is there one small step you might want to take today that's a bit different?

One powerful practice to living an extraordinary life is gratitude – noticing the good and beautiful in your life, the things you may take for granted and forget to appreciate, and finding something to be grateful for, even on the days that really suck.

How you see your world is a powerful influencer for what comes next. If I were to choose to stay in the dark, wallowing in what I don’t like about my life right now, it’s not very likely that I’d go on creating the life that I want for myself for the next 50 years.

Life experience + Choice = Life Reality

Are the choices you’re making the ones that will create the reality you yearn for? Choice can be action or perception - both powerful forces.

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About me...

I am a writer, coach, and teacher, and I love capturing life's many moments through writing, whether that be journalling, blogging, poetry, or essay. I have always found the written word as a natural way for me to express what lies within.

This is the space where we get real. I will write about my life experiences and things that I find my clients encounter in their daily lives.

What's real for you? What would you like me to write about? Feel free to share with me topics you would like to see discussed and please join in the dialogue through the comment section. Your engagement makes the blog a much richer place to hang out!

Thank you for joining me on this journey!!

Do You Feel Free?

In This Moment...

The Power of Gratitude

An Extraordinary Life

About me...

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