Inspired Possibility Blog

Striving, Success, and Sustainability

4/22/2022

Seems a lot of people begin their adult lives striving… working hard, trying to achieve something. For many there’s a vague sense of what they’re aiming for, and for others there’s a very clear end goal in mind. And, so the climb begins… striving, driving, pushing to achieve, to prove, to feel worthy.

We may be following a dream or course set out for us by someone else – our parents, teachers, or other adults who thought they knew what was best or right for us. Things might look great and we feel like we’re checking all the boxes. And then, at some point we may find ourselves unhappy, dissatisfied, even if things look great on the outside.

Somewhere along the way, many of us hit a point of wondering what the heck we’re doing. Feeling like the goals we had set don’t matter as much any longer, whether we’ve reached them or not. We begin questioning what really matters. Is it having a 6 or 7 figure salary? The fancy car? The prestigious title or position? Who are we trying to impress and what are we trying to prove?

So, we begin to look at the pace we’ve been going at and find that it’s just not sustainable. In order to see if what you’re doing is sustainable, take a moment and get really honest about your energy, resources, reserves, and sense of enjoyment and fulfillment. You may discover you don’t want to keep going the way you have been for decades. If that’s the case, it’s time to start looking for what brings a sense of contentment, peace, and joy.

Each one of us gets to define what success is for us. How is it measured and how will you know if you’ve arrived? What will a successful life look like? How will you be spending your time? Who will you be with? What does an ideal day look like in a successful life (for you)?

Asking these questions can free us from staying on a path that no longer makes sense. It allows us to lean into our own values and priorities and create our reality with these as our guiding forces.

One friend says “Hey, we only get so many heartbeats…” True and that number is unknown. But each day we can decide where we allow those heartbeats to take us. What we do know it that “finitude” is certain. This life will end. When you are looking back over your days, how will you feel about the way you have spent them?

The Dash Poem
by Linda Ellis
I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on the tombstone
From the beginning...to the end

He noted that first came the date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years

For that dash represents all the time
That they spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved them
Know what that little line is worth

For it matters not, how much we own,
The cars...the house...the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So, think about this long and hard.
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
And more often wear a smile,
Remembering this special dash
Might only last a little while

So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life's actions to rehash...
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent YOUR dash?

As you reflect on your life and how you’re spending your time, energy, and resources today, are you content? If not, what changes do you want to make?

As you look ahead to the rest of your life, how do you want to feel? What impact do you want to have made? What do you need to do now so that you don’t burn out before you get there?

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M is for More

4/15/2022

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We seem to live in a world where “more is better” drives a lot of people. And, so we accumulate more material things, we strive to be more productive, to achieve more, to learn more, do more, and be more. We buy more clothes, go for the bigger house which we quickly fill with more stuff. All you can eat buffets lead people to stuff themselves in an effort to get their money’s worth!

In today’s #AtoZChallenge, let’s stop for a minute to reflect on this. Is this more mentality alive within you? How does it drive you and what’s the impact?

So many people I work with struggle to know that they are enough, exactly as they are. And, I wonder if this idea of “more” plays into that somehow. There can be a belief that they need to know more, have more training or degrees or certificates in order to show up to things that they really want to do (and in most cases are already more than qualified for).

There can be a tendency to think we need more money, and so we keep working and working, without ever stopping to identify how much is enough. In this drive to accumulate, you may push yourself beyond what’s reasonable, for fear of not having enough.

There seems to be a belief that bigger is better, so businesses push to grow, to have more clients, more projects, and more income. Growth may exceed the actual capacity to keep up and at some point, may tip into being too much. What’s the ideal size of a business? Where’s the sweet spot where no more is needed? The perfect place that allows you the quality of life you desire and doesn’t burn you out along the way? How many clients do you actually want to work with? What will be enough to satisfy and sustain you?

More and enough seem to go together, don’t they? What might change if we stopped to check in with ourselves and asked, “What will be enough? Why do I need more? What will more do for me? What will more do to me? Is it true that I need more, or am I ok just where I am?”

As I mentioned in an earlier post, my father always pushed us to do more, to be more, to achieve and accomplish more. To not settle. But, what if it’s healthy to settle for enough? And what if it’s not even settling?

For me when I thought I had to keep reaching for something more, to keep raising the bar, I never felt satisfied. I almost feel like I can hear my father’s voice saying “don’t be satisfied.” I wonder what he was afraid of.

When the bar must be continually and repeatedly raised, we don’t stop to notice or appreciate what we have or what we have done because we’re just on that hamster wheel spinning to churn out more, to keep up with some unidentified and unachievable goal.

The Rat Race
- Barb Klein from 111 Invitations: Step into the Full Richness of Life

Burning the candle at both ends
only fries us in the end.
Life’s obligations
pull at us,
stretching us too thin.

Work, commitments, financial concerns
push us, drive us,
command us
to go and do at all hours,
always connected,
always available,
no request too big.
Sure, we can do more.

It is there
we lose ourselves.
We lose our ground.
We give more
than we possibly can.
We do more
than is reasonable.

Pushed by expectations
that are irrational.
Compelled by fear.
If we don’t, we’ll be dismissed.

Life’s busy-ness consumes us,
and beats us
until we are weary
and our soul
saves us the only way it knows –
through sickness, injury, or layoff.

Anything to stop the madness
and bring some rest
unless we can find the balance,
find a way to honor the self.

There is no glory in burning out,
one more lost soul
in a wasteland of beings
striving, always striving,
to outdo one another,
to get ahead and stay ahead.

Of what?
I wonder.

I’m so grateful that this is (mostly) no longer how I live. And, yet, that programming still runs in the background of my consciousness, and I think it plays out in ways I’m not even aware of. There are areas in my life where I still tend to accumulate or over-commit. Things I love (like books) I can (and have) easily collect more than I will ever be able to read in a lifetime. I love to learn and seek to continue to grow, so I can take on more programs than I really have time for. I can over-give of myself and my time.

More ideas. More possibilities. This is another danger zone for me! I no longer have the sweet work colleague to rein me in and force me to choose one thing so that we could proceed. And, so, at times, I can get overwhelmed with more and more things I want to write about, create, or bring out to the world.

It takes intentional effort to step back, pause, breathe, and check in with myself before giving into the seduction doing or having more in these areas. I have to find ways to help me focus in on one thing at a time. It takes mindful thought to know what’s reasonable and realistic.

Not too long ago, I played with more in a couple of other posts – Less is More (we hear that all the time, and it’s something that holds a strong appeal to me). And, because nothing is all or nothing, I also wrote Sometimes More is More.

How about you? Where do you find yourself wanting or seeking more? Tell us the impact of more in your world? Or, is this not an issue for you?

Thanks for coming along with me while I play around with more and more questions! I’m having fun and I hope you are too!

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The Heart Revolution has Begun...

3/3/2022

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Drew a heart in the sand to mark the moment - BFK + TFK 3-2-22

Two posts in two days!? What?? Yup! This one couldn’t wait – it’s bursting to be shared! (I think maybe, just maybe the heart revolution which I invited you to join yesterday has begun – I can feel it!).

Ah, I have to say, yesterday was absolutely perfect… even though Mary’s dead, Nate’s in the hospital, Adam wasn’t here, and I could “only” share the day with Tom. It was amazing and my heart is still bursting to overflowing.

Even though there were no gifts to unwrap, no cards to open, no flowers to receive. It was absolutely perfect. Why? Because I felt loved – because I loved myself and showed up for me and asked for what I wanted (pretty uncomfortable and not always the norm). Because we created a glorious, heartfelt, magical day.

And the moments matter way more than a mountain of material things ever could.

I got to be with Tom. I got to talk to Nate, Adam, and Steve, and listen to messages from Mindy and Kare – and, even though they were the only ones who called, that was enough.

And, here’s the thing. I KNOW my experience in this moment could be vastly different if I narrowed my focus onto what wasn’t rather than what was. What was missing or lacking rather than everything that filled my heart. It’s an unwritten rule in my life that cards matter, and yet, there was not one single card, even from Tom. But, what I had instead was his complete, undivided attention for an entire day, from sunrise til bedtime. I’ll take it!

Now, I can write about this because I allow myself to notice and to choose what I focus on – what really matters. Time – wild horses – blue sky and sunshine – bird song, a starlit night, the sweetness of a loved one’s voice or message (and the effort they took to let me hear it or feel it). Money can’t buy these things and these things bring tears of gratitude and break open my heart… Truly.

This is not me settling or compromising or making things be ok. This is me landing solidly in a deep, deep contentment that life is so very good event though not every bit of it might be exactly perfect on the surface.   In my heart and soul it is absolutely Divine, heavenly, magical, and I am so grateful.

Maybe this is the wisdom of the years or the heavens speaking in this moment. Tomorrow I might be a resentful bitch about something else, but it won’t be about my birthday. Honestly, it was the best birthday ever because:
A. We created a day for me – that made one more of my little girl dreams come true – I got to see wild horses!!
B. No work. No productivity. No squeezing one thing in even on the drive. Only time for what really mattered – delight, connection (with Tom and also through birthday messages via text, Messenger, email and Facebook), and
C. I let more of me free into the world with yesterday’s Heart Revolution newsletter and blog, which felt risky and was well-received, at least by some.

Birthday Mantras:
Tom asked me if I had any birthday mantras. I said, “To take nothing for granted and to be more me!” To choose to savor life – truly from deep within my heart. To choose to just live and enjoy as many moments as possible, and to savor life’s sweetness and focus there. To risk being called Pollyanna or too positive or pissing people off who would rather I hide my joy.

This is the ground I stand on. One where I don’t need to hide away my joy or delight. One where I can dance and sing when I hear great music, even if it’s in a restaurant or on the beach or mall in a crowd of people. One where I smile and tell a stranger I love her shirt or offer to help someone. One that deepens connection because I am not locked away in my own discontent.

Does this mean I won’t ever feel sad or angry or disappointed? Does it mean that my heart isn't also breaking for the people who are suffering? Does it mean I'm not seething with anger at unjust acts of war? Hell no! It means my heart can hold it all. It means from this heart-centered place I am grounded and ready to act. It means that fierce compassion can rise up to take the steps that are mine to take.

I will more honestly, more openly, more fully feel all that I feel and then decide where to dwell – which feelings to hang out with and for how long. I will choose what actions are mine to take.

And, you might say, “But, clearly you were disappointed with no cards or you wouldn’t have mentioned it.” And I say with full honesty, and not to convince anyone, “No. That was just my mind noticing the story that I’ve lived with all these years, and my heart is discovering a new reality, a new truth. I’m actually not disappointed at all. In fact, quite the opposite. I don’t care if Hallmark ever makes one more cent on a card for me!” I am so very happy and grateful and I choose what’s good, what’s right in life. That’s where I want to hang out.

I am just not going to hold back any more. Unlocking me feels so very good, and I do believe it’s part of this heart revolution. I hope you join me in setting yourself just a little more free today! This is what's possible when you do!

Some Songs to Support this Feeling:
Oh, and here's this morning's playlist to reinforce all of this! (You want another way to tap the wisdom of the Universe? Create a playlist that awesomely fills your heart and put it on shuffle! Amazing what comes through at just the right time!) Click the links for today's songs. Enjoy!!

All My Life - Linda Rondstadt and Aaron Neville (an anthem of our relationship)
You'll Never Walk Alone - Marcus Mumford
Both Sides Now - Judy Collins (listen to the words... perfect accompaniment!)
What Light - Wilco (thanks, Carol Moon, for this gem!)
Here We Go - WILD (thanks, Jen Louden!)

Wild Horses on Cumberland Island, GA

Birthday sunset from Saint Mary's, GA (of course, St. MARY's!)

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Less is More

11/9/2021

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Photo Credit Renee Veniskey

Less is more... I know it's true and I feel the relief when I can actually let this idea guide me. And yet, I'm finding that after decades of efforting (and probably over-efforting many, many times), even when I don't think I'm doing or thinking or trying too much, I am. It really takes a lot for me to let down, to do less, to try less hard…

How have I been reminded? My body is showing me. It's coming through in chronic holding patterns in certain muscles that clench and grip all the time, even when they don't need to. It's coming through in tiredness from days that are booked too fully or that I simply fill with too many things and too many hours. It's coming through in carrying an excessive number of books and notebooks with me for short trips, thinking I'll get to way more than I do (and more than I even want to). It's reflected in mental fatigue when I think I can do too many things, accomplish too many tasks, finish too many projects in too little time! It lives in unrealistic expectations imposed upon myself that I would NEVER hold for another human being.

How might this idea that “less is more” be supportive and nourishing if it could truly be embodied and brought to life?

Well, for one, it would open up more space and time on the calendar, allowing for more breathing room, less stress, and more time to pause and relax.
It would come through in a body that feels less tight, less over-worked, less over-stressed, more rested, more open, more expansive.
It would be reflected in less clutter and more open space, fewer clothes overflowing closets and drawers, fewer books taking up every inch of shelf space and beyond (which would also lead to more breathing room and spaciousness).
Overall there would be a sense of trying less hard - less tension and effort in yoga and Tai Chi, and even in meditation. There would be a remembering there's no need or way to be perfect (especially with something that's new!).
It would come through in a more relaxed way of being in the world… letting go of any need to impress anyone or prove anything. Letting go of being the doer-of-all-things and the taker-carer-of-all-people.
There would be a sense of sweet simplicity, taking things one moment at a time - not multi-tasking, double-booking, or over-committing. This is a great time to year to be conscious about that!
There would be fewer programs paid for and never completed or feeling woefully behind in - pausing and discerning before following “bright shiny objects” everywhere would keep you cued in to what is really doable and what would truly be beneficial at this time in your life, given your current reality.
You'd find yourself not packing things too full - programs, PowerPoints, retreats, vacations, days… life!
Life would move at a sustainable pace and in a sustainable way. You could lower the bar on yourself - lessen unreasonable expectations.
You'd experience more lightness, ease, and joy, I believe! As there is less stress, angst, anxiety and worry, there's room for more openness, acceptance, wonder, and support.

What does it require?

Mindful awareness
Discernment
A willingness to resist temptation, the ability to say “no” and to be realistic
Pause (that pause… it's always so, so valuable)
Honesty, particularly with yourself
Gentleness and self-compassion

Of course, I offer all of this hypothetically speaking! I have only a vague idea what it really means to live from a “less is more” place, but I can certainly imagine the possibilities! I am willing to try it out more often!

Your invitation…
Take a few minutes to consider if “less is more” is something you'd like to experiment with in your life. Would it benefit you in any way? How and where might you begin to play with this idea, lightly, gently, and kindly? (no harsh taskmaster in a “less is more” world!).

Is there anything you need to give yourself permission for? A promise you want to make to yourself?

Play with these prompts, if you like:
I'd like less___________and more ___________
I will create less ________ and make room for more ______________
If less is more, what's possible?
Where would I like to begin?

This week's meditation, “Less is More," invites you to apply it to your practice - trying less hard, expecting less of yourself and of your practice.

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Getting Grounded

7/20/2021

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Phew! It's been a doozy of a week for me - lots of dips into funks, times of abandoning myself, questioning myself, doubting myself, getting down on myself… for no particular reason that I can pinpoint, which is the worst kind of out of sorts for me! I like to at least understand what's going on.

I try to remember that we all have these funks and I've talked to a lot of people who seem to be riding these funk waves with me at this time, but knowing it's to be expected and I'm not alone helps only a little. Sometimes I am better at being with the discomfort of it, and other times I really just want it to stop… to go away!

I definitely know that the more I'm able to let things be as they are and not aggressively try to change them, the more quickly it will move on through.

I also know that when the inner turmoil is stirring it can be really unsettling, and at times we even feel shaken up, not grounded at all. So, the theme this week is getting grounded.

Getting Grounded:

One of the quickest ways to do this is to simply feel your feet on the floor (or barefeet on the earth if you can), feel your body being held by the seat, bed, or ground, let out a few audible sighs, maybe even imagining the stress or burden sliding right off your shoulders. Notice how your body wants to move. Does your neck want some gentle circles? Do you want to wiggle or stretch in any way? Let yourself move until you are just a little more comfortable. Find yourself in this moment - look around - what do you see? What do you hear? Who else is nearby? Are you safe here? (If not, please find a way to get to a place where you are).

If you're feeling super agitated, you might want to shake your hands and arms (and maybe even your feet and legs) as if you're shaking off whatever it is that's getting to you.

Feel your breath - notice its natural rhythm and quality in this moment without trying to change anything. With each breath invite your belly to soften. Place your hands on your lap or on your heart or on your belly… feel your own warmth and tender touch - this is a gesture of self-compassion. Let yourself know that you are here for you.

Allow yourself a little time to not need to DO anything or to figure anything out, but simply to be here with yourself. Take the time you need… Connecting with your breath and feeling your body. Support yourself to get into your body in this moment in time. If there is any gentle reassurance you want to offer to yourself, please do… things like, “I'm here… we've got this… I love you. We will get through this. Shhhh….” can be tried out. If you find a phrase that softens your body a bit, offer that to yourself - lean into it. Let the softness come.

Repeat as often as needed. I've needed it a lot lately. After I feel a little more grounded I've found it to be helpful to take note of what's true in this moment by either writing about “In this moment…” simply allowing my pen to move across the page about whatever is here right now for a few minutes or just saying aloud or silently to myself, “OK, in this moment…” This helps to bring a reality check to this moment, this time, and keeps me from running away with the thoughts that may be carrying me in 900 different directions at once. Right here. Right now. Be here now. (Sometimes I recite this simple phrase to myself with every inhale, exhale, and pause).

How do you get grounded? I'd love to hear - please share your ideas so that we can add to our available practices!

I've recorded this guided meditation to support you in getting grounded. I invite you to give yourself a few minutes and allow yourself this time to settle in to this moment.

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Our Need for R.E.S.T...

7/13/2021

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Coming back from a couple of days away with my husband, Tom, I am reminded how vital REST is to our spirits, bodies, minds, hearts, and nervous systems. While we were away our only goals were to rest, relax, have fun, and flow with our days.

Yesterday I spent the day reading, writing, and relaxing by the pool – dipping in when the sun got too hot, getting in the shade when I needed a break from the sun, and talking and laughing with Tom. We were lighthearted and delighted by the simplicity of the day. We did not allow work or phones to interrupt our time. We consciously chose to take this time together to enjoy life and one another. Summer is a great and easy time to do this as it seems to lend itself to it – there’s a collective energy of play, vacation, and lightness.

On our drive home we listened to a podcast with Broadway sensation, Lin-Manuel Miranda, a wildly creative man! He shared that much of his inspiration for his shows came when he was in a relaxed state – floating in a pool or on vacation. Of course, there’s much hard work involved in bringing what he creates to life, but there is also an opening for creativity that happens when he is in a state of rest.

I have experienced this myself and witnessed it in others – it may look like we’re procrastinating or not creating because there isn’t yet anything to show the world. But, in reality, when we slow down and give ourselves some spaciousness, our mind is free to dream, to imagine, to visualize and we are open to receive bursts of insight, inspiration, and artistry. Percolation time is a necessary precursor (at least for some of us) for spurts of creativity.

It struck me that we all have a deep need for rest, for so many reasons. As a society we are often rest-deprived, placing value on busy-ness and productivity over this restorative space that can feel like nothing is happening. What we miss is that often, something important is still going on even though there isn’t outer evidence or product to show. When we have time and space, we can access fresh perspectives for problem solving, and our imagination can dream up things that wouldn’t be possible if we forced them. When our nervous system can relax, we are not in a state of fight or flight, but rather receptivity, wonder, and openness. We are more likely to respond more thoughtfully than react mindlessly.

I offer you this way to look at REST:
R – Re-boot
E – Exit
S – Space
T – Time

Re-boot: Just as your computer or phone can get bogged down or frozen and needs to be powered down and then re-started, we too need periodic re-boots. Without taking a break, we become overly reactive, spinning (just like that annoying circle on your computer), going nowhere. Our nerves are frayed, we’re depleted and drained. We need to interrupt this spinning by stepping back from the habitual pace at which we move and the typical things we mindlessly do. We need to power down, unplug - choose to give ourselves an intentional break to refresh, rejuvenate, re-fuel, re-energize (so many great R words… I could go on forever, but I’ll spare you! You can add your own). This allows us to start up again with renewed energy, fresh perspective, a lighter heart.

Exit – Like a performer, sometimes we need to “exit stage left” from the center of our lives where all the activity is happening. Get out of the spotlight, step behind the curtain, take off the costume, mask, and makeup and just BE. Whether you step away for 3 minutes, 3 days, or 3 weeks, an intentional exit will give you a chance to re-boot.

Space – We need space in our lives – physical space, space in our schedule, distance from one another and time between activities. I was highly aware of this on our drive. I want several car lengths between me and the car ahead of me; I want to change lanes well before I need to make a turn and in a time when it’s safe to get over.

This tendency transfers to life for me. I don’t want to be squeezed into a tight space where I have to react without thinking, to feel pushed or rushed. In traffic or in daily life, these scenarios make me anxious. It’s easy to fill our schedules so tightly with calls or meetings that there is no room between meetings for a bathroom or meal break or even time to do the actual work. It’s even easier to fill our schedules so that there is no time available for the mini reboots (a quick walk outdoors, a conversation with a friend, a breath of fresh air or a day off), and we begin to feel an internal pressure of constraint and overwhelm. We need breathing room in our days in order to think clearly, be inspired or creative, show up to life’s challenges at the top of our game (or at least closer to it).

Time – We need time… time alone, time to move more slowly, time to breathe, time to connect and time to reflect. This goes very closely with space, as you can see. We need to allow ourselves more time than we think we need to get places and finish tasks!! How many of you are overly optimistic when it comes to those kinds of things? When we give ourselves time, we create the space which allows us to exit or step aside for a moment or more in order to re-boot.

How do you know when you need a REST?

What are your signals when it’s time for you to give yourself this critical R.E.S.T.? How does your body let you know? Your mind? Your heart? Your spirit? Learn to listen more closely for these internal signals so that you can respond with self-compassion and kindness. We want to be proactive in creating this time of R.E.S.T so that we don’t find ourselves “resting” with a headache, illness, or injury.

Taking time to re-boot, exit, and allow space and time will have a ripple effect! Not only do you benefit – the people in your life will thank you too! Give it a try and please let us know your thoughts and experiences here. How do you like to give yourself R.E.S.T.? What happens when you don’t? What’s your promise to yourself in terms of honoring this need in the next little while?

In need of a R.E.S.T? Join me on retreat...

If you're in need of some serious rest, please consider joining me, Sandra Sabene, and Carol Moon for this year's Let Your Light Shine Retreat, September 24-28th at the deeply restorative space that is Light on the Hill Retreat Center in the gorgeous Finger Lakes of Western NY! We have created this time to allow you lots of space and time to let down, to connect with your inner wisdom and inspiration, to renew and be deeply nourished physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually! Early bird registration closes July 31st!

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Everyday Beauty

6/1/2021

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This week I come to you with a simple, but not easy invitation. Slow down and notice the everyday beauty all around you. Pause to take in sights, sounds, scents. Cherish a sweet smile shared in passing with a stranger. Savor a conversation with a friend. Take your time as you enjoy the sweetness of a strawberry.

This practice pairs well with gratitude and it can completely shift our experience of life because it redirects our focus. Even in hard times, sad times, angry times, there is beauty to be found. The more we notice, the more often we remember to look. We soften and we begin to allow in “this too…” Even as my heart breaks, I can find the beauty in a flower offered with love. Even when it's a dark and gloomy day, there is a fleck of color that catches my eye.

Curious... What do you notice?
I'd love to hear about the beauty you notice as you move throughout your day. I'm also curious what shifts for you as you take time to look for it… to include it. Please share in the comments below!

This isn't about painting over anything painful or hard. It's about saying “this too…” This too is here. It isn't all good or all bad, all black or all white - there are so very many shades of color in between.

This week's meditation is “Everyday Beauty.” I invite you to join me in this practice as we slow down and become present… as we notice the beauty we might otherwise miss. May this practice fill you up.

If you've missed previous meditations, you can access my entire library for free at Soundcloud. I invite you to explore and see which practices would most support you this week.

A Beautiful Invitation for You:
Doors are open for my Soul Care group (which is a truly beautiful thing in itself) for the summer session which begins next Monday, June 7th. This is a group that comes together to focus on self-care and also nurturing and nourishing our souls so that they are filled up! We will be gathering every other week on Monday evenings from 7-8:30 PM EDT June - August. Email me to apply if you're interested in joining this group.

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The Pressure of a Beautiful, Perfect Summer Day

8/3/2020

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These rare days
When the sun is shining,
The temperature is ideal,
And you know this is a cherished gem…

The pull… to do it all.
The conflict between the pull and the tired one
                who says, “I just want to rest,”
Let me savor this day,
                this moment.
Let me not rush to cram in all the things.
Let me allow the day to unfold,
                As it will.

Allow me to savor a sweet nap, receiving sleep into my being,
Savor the melted butter seeping into the warm pumpkin bread,
The sweetness of melon,
The refresh of a cool glass of water.

Let me sit on the deck
Listening to the birds,
Watching the wispy clouds,
Feeling the urgency, but letting it stay out there.
Remembering what it was to be on vacation –
With only one week, before clean up and check out.

Let me savor the living in this sacred place.

I get to be here, day in and day out.
I do not have to leave tomorrow to return anywhere.
I am home…
and it is enough to simply honor my tiredeness this day.

Sun shining and lake calm do not have to demand
                that I come out and play.
I do not need to wait for the rain’s permission
                to lay low and take it easy.

It is a perfectly lovely delight
To merely BE on this day.
To breathe in the fresh air,
To enjoy the sight of boats and jet skis,
Hurrying about,
To allow others their experience of this day.

For me… I savor the silence, the stillness,
                the rest.
I let go of the hustle – with gladness.
I am relieved to drop the burden of ambition,
or expectation,
or “I don’t want to waste this day,”
or “I must get this right.”

I feel the weight slip from my shoulders
As I simply allow and simply savor

This beautiful, perfect summer day.

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What Do You Love?

5/8/2020

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Image by congerdesign from Pixabay

Now wait… before you read on,… pause.   Take a breath. Maybe close your eyes and put your hands on your heart. Get curious. With an open mind and an open heart, ask, with genuine interest… what do I love? Then see what rises up. Be willing to be surprised. What DO you love??

Recently I posed this question to a group of women who may not often think about this, particularly in the context I asked it. Also, I asked it in the middle of a global pandemic at a time when many of us are feeling weary, worried, unsettled, and uncertain. I asked moms of kids who struggle with substance use disorder –what do you love about your son or daughter? What are their best qualities?

Lots of women replied, naming so many beautiful qualities their kids embody, acknowledging that it’s been awhile since they’ve reflected on these aspects of kids who are often associated with pain and struggle. Which was exactly my point in asking the question. Not to pretend that the horrendous experiences aren’t there, but to remember that beneath this disease, there is still a loving, caring, kind, humorous, creative, generous being.

If there is a person in your life with whom you have a challenging or complicated relationship, you might take a moment to consider what qualities you love in this person.

Why am I asking you now at a time when there’s so much we don’t like, so much we are worried, scared, or discombobulated about??

I find it really helpful to remember that the whole messy mix can be true at the same time. It’s not all or nothing, black or white, good or bad. Rarely does life present itself in a neat package despite our mind’s desire to simplify it that way.

We look at what we love, not to erase or to pretend that the painful, uncomfortable, less desirable things aren’t also here. We do this to see that there’s room for it all. That it can ALL be here, at the same time, in the same reality, in the same heart. We don’t have to choose what we hate or what we love, what we’re for or what we’re against, what we want to lean into or what we want to eradicate forever. We can be with it all. You can love the sunshine and warmth, remembering that beach in your happy place, even as you cringe at the snow that is here when it shouldn’t be!

It’s a simple practice to wonder and to notice from time to time. And, so, I ask you, even in your sadness, despair, worry, or fear, to consider, remember or discover the part of you that loves.

Right now… consider, what do you love?

About yourself? What are your best qualities? (let's start here... and, if you go no further, that will be more than enough!)

About the situation you find yourself in?

About life?

About the person or people who challenge you deeply?

What do you love to do? Eat? Experience?

Who do you adore, and what is it about them that you love?

What do you love to be? Do? Have?

Feel into it with all of your senses – what images, thoughts, scents, feelings emerge? What brings a smile to your face or lights you up inside?

What brings a sweet “aaahhhh….?”

For me, a few things that come to mind right now that I love are sunsets; lakes and oceans; “The Grinch;” Snoopy; the smell of a bonfire or fresh-baked bread; sunshine and warm, fresh air; laughter; deep honest connections; the smell of a horse farm and feeling my body sway with a horse; and helping other people light up!

Now, let's be honest... it might be way easier to know what we don’t like, what we wish were different, even what we hate… And if that’s where your mind goes, then start there. When we’re deep in the muck, it can be hard to see out. Then, take a moment and look at the flip side. The opposite of what you hate is likely what you love or what you’re longing for.

Let it all be here. There is no need to jump over the uncomfortable, the painful, the sad or scary to get to the happy, peaceful, joyful feelings. We have the capacity to hold it all in these hearts of ours.

When we can touch in with what we love, we soften, if only for a moment. Something inside of us stirs.   We awaken maybe a long-forgotten spark. We connect with something deep and true.

From this place, maybe we allow ourselves to dream or desire. Or maybe we allow ourselves to simply accept someone else as they are, even with the parts we don’t like or wish weren’t there. Maybe for a minute we are able to see the essential goodness in another person. Maybe we energize ourselves enough to take that next step.

What do you love?

Feel into it. Awaken your heart. And, then please share in the comments and let’s sprinkle some love around today!

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Go Gently... Please

4/3/2020

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Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

Now is a time to go gently with yourself and with others.   Now is the time for love, for generosity, for kindness and compassion – toward all beings, including you! It is the time to care deeply. It is NOT the time to judge, shame, or condemn others. I see the temptation and suspect it’s going to get stronger as we grow more impatient, frustrated, and weary. And so, I plead with you, please, please be gentle…

March 11th, just a little over 3 weeks ago, marks the day our world changed forever. It was not long ago at all and yet it feels like a lifetime ago… we got the call that morning telling us that the mighty Mom Klein had died. We visited our son (2 days before visits were shut down for the foreseeable future), grateful we could deliver this news in person and share our tears, love, and hugs. I went out to lunch with my sister at a local restaurant and enjoyed a nice meal, and probably another hug or two.

March 12th – with a growing sense of things quickly spinning into something unknown and foreign, I did a radio show with Lori and Keith from Recovery Coach University Radio. With a heightened sense of awareness, we did wipe all the equipment and surfaces with Clorox wipes and mostly kept our distance, but we didn’t yet get how serious this was. We joked about the toilet paper hoarding and shook our heads in confusion… and just to be safe, on the way home, I bought two packs. We affirmed and were relieved by my younger son’s decision to cancel his trip to Florida for Spring Break, even though he is young and healthy… already it felt like the unquestionably right call. Just days earlier I had told him I thought they’d be fine to go…

Things were changing and happening so rapidly and have been ever since. I feel like I’ve been caught in a whirlwind… internally and externally. A blur of news updates, of emails advising of extra precautions being taken which rapidly morphed into “We are closed until further notice…” Cancellations, closures, schools switching to online learning,… more and more erasures in the planner of all the trips, appointments, and events I had coming up. April went from one in which I would barely be home to one in which I will only be home, with no plans. Each day brings with it a swirl of thoughts and feelings as I try to magically predict when this will all be over, fall into despair, perk up at a story of goodness – living within the chaos of it all.

It’s a lot. We must be gentle.

There has been so much letting go… of classes, appointments, events, routines, regular support, fun times with others, contact with loved ones. And, in all this letting go, we are all feeling the weight of uncertainty. Those words “until further notice” land with a dark and ominous tone. They remind us that life is always uncertain – we just usually pretend it isn’t. Somehow it feels extra uncertain right now with so many things being disrupted all at once. The fear is palpable as this invisible antagonist sweeps around the world. As we take in the death tolls, we are faced with our own immortality and the truth that one day those we love will also die. We hope it won’t be alone.

We are ordered to shelter in place, to self-quarantine, or to PAUSE as our NY Governor has called it. For a moment we imagine all that we’ll get done in this time when busy-ness is taken away. But then we feel the weight of it all, and we are reminded of how exhausted we are and that stress takes a toll on everything. We are brought to our knees as we are forced to confront what is truly essential. To re-prioritize our lives – what really matters? Health. Relationships. Life. Love. Kindness. Compassion. Generosity.

All these free offerings?? They are oh so tempting to someone with Bright Shiny Object Syndrome, like moi! The urge to fill in all that usually coveted white space is strong, and I catch myself mindlessly signing up, saying “yes, please distract me from the here and now…” Nature abhors a vacuum, and apparently so do I. Until I reality check and realize my bandwidth is not as wide as my white space – it’s actually much, much less than before.

I remember to be gentle with myself.

I don’t need to do all the things – only those that will really nourish me. I only need to be on the calls with people and in groups that feel supportive. I can skip the rest. This might not be the time to learn a new skill or to focus on business. This might be a time when less really is more. I want to do more less!

Over the past few weeks it has been easy to let this ever-present concern consume us. It’s been easy to get obsessed even when we didn’t intend to. Even if you don’t watch the news (which I don’t generally), the news is everywhere…social media posts, headlines of breaking news at the top of my email inbox and within every single email that comes in it’s there… Coronavirus… COVID-19. We need to be informed, but we don't need to be flooded with input. It's too much to digest.

We see the inherent inter-connectedness of all beings and this both terrifies and empowers us. We are reminded that viruses don’t respect borders, oceans, or walls.

We find ourselves reeling as we ride the roller coaster of emotions in this human experience – feeling our own and the collective fear, overwhelm, sadness, dread, and grief while also being uplifted and inspired by the many acts of compassion, caring, kindness, love, and generosity. This time bringing out the best and the worst in us.

It’s a lot.

We come to realize that we are feeling more tired and less productive than we’d like – not an easy thing to accept in a culture used to driving, doing, achieving, producing, succeeding…   Suddenly we wonder what “succeeding” even means right now.

Now we realize that it’s nearly impossible to find motivation or create from a space of exhaustion and anxiety. So, we surrender to Netflix bingeing, earlier bedtimes, and longer nights of sleep.

This is our new normal, and it’s anything but “normal.” It changes moment by moment, and the only reasonable way to approach it is one moment at a time.

We feel the weirdness of endless disinfecting and keeping our hands from touching our faces. We feel the creepiness in the air as masked figures move together, but apart, averting gazes (as if we won’t really be there if we don’t look at one another), collectively holding our breath – together, but apart.

And we're reminded that in the empty streets what feels like the end of the world is also a reflection of our great act of love, our care and concern for others, our desire to be part of the solution.

It’s. A. LOT!

So, please… go gently into this next day. Into this next moment.

Take breaks – a lot of breaks. Get more rest than feels reasonable.

Offer tender loving care to your sweet self.

Say “yes” to the things that make you happy.

Bake the familiar goodies that comforted you as a child (Betty Crocker Blueberry Buckle for me today!).

Wear clothes and jewelry that feel good. Maybe wear things from places you’ve loved or concerts you’ve enjoyed (today I’m wearing my Albuquerque sweatshirt to mark that I should have been arriving there this afternoon).

Hug a tree. I’m pretty sure that’s still a safe thing to do!

Offer a loving smile to a stranger. Call a friend.

Extend love and compassion freely, often, and wherever you can, beginning with yourself.

Know that we will get through this.

Please.

Go gently… until further notice.

How are you going gently these days?? Please share in the comments below. We can learn from you.

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Striving, Success, and Sustainability

M is for More

The Heart Revolution has Begun...

Less is More

Getting Grounded

Our Need for R.E.S.T...

Everyday Beauty

The Pressure of a Beautiful, Perfect Summer Day

What Do You Love?

Go Gently... Please

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