Inspired Possibility Blog

Revival!

8/31/2022

Revival - an improvement in the condition or strength of something. (as defined by Oxford Languages).

When I first thought about “revival,” I thought it meant “brought back to life.” I suppose that would certainly be considered an “improvement in the condition or strength of something,” wouldn’t it? So, I am going to stick with that felt sense of the word.

I’ve had a month of revival, and I must say I’m emerging with a fresh energy, a renewed and deepened connection with myself, and a fresh enthusiasm to engage with life and this next chapter in a beautiful way. I’m looking at my work with fresh eyes and a willingness to shake things up.

In July I got a very strong internal hit to step away, pull back from obligations and work that wasn’t filling me any longer. That hit also came with a strong desire to add in more fun, more play, more rest, more joy. And so, I did.

I cleared my calendar of appointments that could wait til later. I bought tickets to live music, which I have learned in recent years is a thing that fills my soul and is something my husband and I enjoy doing together. I jumped into the Great Rhythm Revival (that “thing” I mentioned in my last newsletter) very spontaneously and a little uncertainly. I booked a trip to Omega Institute to meet a friend I’d only known by Zoom and phone for 2 ½ years – we’d co-facilitated 2 online retreats in that time but we had never actually been in the same room together, never shared a hug or a deep sit-down face-to-face conversation! I bought tickets to the Avett Brothers in Chautauqua and then added to a day pass so that we could listen to Scott Avett’s non-lecture about spirituality, faith, and creativity which led us to add an extra night to our stay and invite a couple of friends to join us. I found a gorgeous simple peaceful cottage on the lake to hold us for those nights.

I’ve been on the road A LOT! Probably away from home more than not this past month. But, because it was fueled by joy, I feel filled up rather than depleted. Revived, if you will!

So, this Great Rhythm Revival… what the heck is that? I wasn’t sure other than knowing I was jumping into some peace, love, and granola kind of happening with drumming, dancing, and fire. I went with Sandi Sabene, my partner for this year’s retreat and a friend who I haven’t had much chance to play with and a dear friend of hers. I could have (and would have in the past) felt like a third wheel, an outsider, especially since these two are beloved members of this community that has formed over many years. But, I didn’t. Why? Because I went in with a solid sense of myself and a strong ability and desire to take care of my needs during our time together. I let go of FOMO and gave myself permission to listen to my body, heart, and spirit – to nap on our porch rather than join a workshop, to dance rather than write, to go to bed rather than go to the fire. To say “yes” to me rather than to other people’s expectations or desires.

I also gave myself full permission to let loose and find the carefree, joyful me who was so hungry to come out and play! To close my eyes and drum even though I don’t really know how. To join the transformative dance workshops and let my body move as it wanted to move (which was way more than it has in the past year or more due to a lengthy bout of frozen shoulder). To say “yes” to the body paint (a little the first night and all in the second) before the dance party! To dance in the front row and not care that I’m so tall. To sweat. To jump into the pond and float with women I was just meeting for the first time. To talk to strangers – to dare to believe that I might belong. To meet new people and to buy my ticket for next year because I know this is good medicine for my soul!

During that weekend I found or reconnected with parts of myself that had been sleeping for too long. My nervous system settled, awakened, healed in ways it hasn’t in a very long time. I was nourished and fueled on all levels. The conditions and strength of my something was very much improved!

I returned home with a solid connection to my true self. I felt grounded and strong. I had crystal clarity, which allowed me to stand on my ground and face some BS that came my way almost immediately. Finding ourselves and letting ourselves free is vital to our life force energy. It’s critical to be solid in our own core in order to not be buffeted around by life and other people.

I feel like I’m in the gooey phase of transformation/transmutation now… like the caterpillar in the cocoon, in the dark, but not in a bad way. There’s been a strong desire and need to go within, to find quiet and stillness in order to hear the whispers of my soul, the calls for what’s next.

I don’t know what’s next, and that’s ok. In this space I don’t have to know. I only have to be open. To listen deeply to my heart and soul – to follow the inner nudges that do know. To sit with the not knowing and allow things to unfold. To catch and follow the fresh inspiration when it comes.

This phase is calling me to let go of things I’ve done for a long time, and trust that I will be able to create anew when the time is right. I’m not trying to box anything in to what it used to be or what I’ve always done. I’m not trying to force or figure anything out. Aaahhh… it feels like a breath of fresh air that I can expand into rather than a stagnant stale container cramping me in.

On my solo drive to Omega, I listened to great podcasts (Cheryl Strayed on We Can Do Hard Things – 2 episodes – really lit my fire!). I listened closely and paid attention to what their conversation awakened within me. I longed to devote more time to my writing and for writing time with Cheryl. I’m taking steps to honor this deep knowing. Shortly after returning home, I saw that shel is offering a writing workshop in Omega! I am returning before too long!! Opening to one of my core gifts, to one of my principal practices and mediums, to inspiration, to a place and space that nurtures and nourishes me in a deep, deep way! I’m excited!

Listening to Scott Avett talk about not wanting to be boxed in or blocked out by labels, I felt a deep resonance in my core. Scott spoke of the need to be real, even in front of other people. To let content arise from lived experience. As I witnessed the band shake off any perception that they were simply a “folk band” with a strong rock and roll show, I smiled, imagining their intention. “You think we’re folk? Watch this!” It was an amazing performance, coming from the authenticity of the band members. Perhaps the best show I’ve ever seen from them. Why? Because they were letting themselves out to shine and play! They were being moved from the inside out!

I have many reflections living within me from this month of revival. I have so much gratitude for those who flicked me awake and to myself for being there for it! For showing up, ready and willing to be awakened, ready and willing to take a risk, ready and willing to break free, just a little bit more, letting go of some of the cares about what others think of me or expect from me in order to more fully honor myself.

Sounds selfish, doesn’t it? And yet, I have no doubt that all of this revival will allow me to serve the world in a better and stronger way than I have before. I don’t know exactly what that means, but I’m ready and excited to witness and be part of the unfolding.

Your turn…
What’s feeling old and stale to you? Where can you shake things up a bit, in a really good way? Where might you bring in more joy and playfulness to your days? Where can you add in fun? What can you cancel or reschedule that maybe doesn’t have to happen right now? What truly matters most to you right now – at this moment in your life? What parts of you have been sleeping or gone missing for too long? What parts have not yet been discovered? Where would you like to begin your revival?

If the Great Rhythm Revival sounds good to you, check it out and join me next year! As I was promised, you won’t be disappointed and you’ll likely love it!

Want to give yourself a little revival much sooner than next August? Join me and Sandi Sabene (she was the friend I went to Revival with and has facilitated drum circles and creative expression experiences for decades) at Let Your Light Shine Women’s Retreat Sept. 23-27. She and I are lit up and so excited to be co-creating this magical 5-day experience together!

Five spots remain. This retreat may not happen again (at least not in its current form), so if this version is calling you, now is the time to jump in! Don’t put it off til “next year!”

I just don't know for sure what's coming. I know there will be more retreats. I know there will be fresh and inspired offerings... so, stay tuned as more is revealed over the coming days and months! This is where I am - truly am in a space of wonder, curiosity, and possibility, discovering for myself what will be next! I'm excited! And, you'll be the first to know!

And, as you can see from the rest of this post, I feel like it's always a good idea to seize the opportunities as they come rather than wait!

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Feeling Blah...

7/13/2022

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I don’t know about you, but I seem to cycle through phases of feeling energized, very on purpose, in flow, and then dropping into “What is the point of it all? Why do we do what we do? What is my purpose? Do I even have a purpose, or is this all for nothing? Who am I?”

It’s pretty unsettling and disorienting in the floundering times that hold such big, heavy questions. I think it’s pretty natural. My counselor says it’s ok, so that reassures me. There will be times of feeling blah, needing to turn inward, to shut out the world, to give more to myself than to others. It’s called nourishment, nurturing, true self care, and it’s vital to our sustainability as humans.

The world is a lot right now. Whatever might be going on personally, we each need to add multipliers to it that are weighing on us, consciously or not. The pandemic goes on, the debate about the pandemic goes on, injustice, violence, discrimination, threats to life and liberty are everywhere. Maybe the world is always a lot. I’m feeling the accumulation of it pretty heavily right now, along with the collective weight of years of personal stuff.

So, there’s been a bit of blah lately. Not a lot of energy or motivation. A strong desire to pull in, to slow down, to quiet down, to say “no” and to not be too available to others. The clarity is strong, and the good news is I’m listening despite the inner struggle that wonders if that’s really ok or if I’m at risk of becoming a hermit.

I teeter between telling myself it’s ok and wondering if that’s really true. Mostly, I’m leaning into only doing what I want, what feels doable and reasonable given my current bandwidth, letting go of, or rescheduling non-essentials, releasing things that feel like more hassle than they’re worth. As I write this it feels like a pretty healthy approach. It just seems that I need this more and more these days, years, months. Didn’t I just give myself a little sabbatical last year? I did. And this year.

And now I need one again in the form I am able to create it – I will gladly see my clients, I will co-facilitate my group, I will continue to write… and I will put off things that do not call to me or do not need to happen. I will cancel memberships to groups I don’t participate in – I feel the low-level pressure when I’m not being honest with myself.

I showed up for yoga class on Sunday and thankfully the theme was tuning into and trusting our inner guidance. Love when that happens! So, as I practiced, I took a few notes.

Here’s what I took away – what I was reminded of:

We all have inner wisdom, inner guidance, inner authority.
When we are depleted, overwhelmed, stressed, or in crisis or survival mode, we lose touch with it.
To connect with it we need to be willing to feel. This may be why we over-busy ourselves or find other ways to numb or distract ourselves. It can be uncomfortable to feel what our inner wisdom is telling us.
Escaping, distracting, and numbing take us away from our natural connection with our inner knowing. Work, alcohol, substances, food, activities, social media, our devices, and over-giving to others serve this purpose. This purpose of protecting us from the discomfort.
Integrity comes from living in alignment with our inner knowing and guidance.
Slowing down, coming into breath and body helps. Quieting down. Connecting to something larger than ourselves through prayer, meditation, or getting out in nature helps. Opening up space, breathing room allows us to hear and see more clearly.
There are going to be these moments when we feel unsure. When we feel like we are flailing, lost, and confused. Times when we release the last version of ourselves and our lives to step into what’s next. In between steps there is often a pause – a time to cocoon in order to transform. It’s not always pretty or comfortable. It’s worth going there anyway.
To fully experience the richness of this human life, we need to be willing to feel it all and to be with ourselves in these moments of not knowing, of discomfort, of questioning. When we can be with ourselves in these times, come home to our heart and soul for guidance, we allow ourselves to grow and become. It isn’t flashy or pretty until it is. Think caterpillar to goo to beautiful butterfly. We too are like this. We just need to give ourselves permission to go into the darkness, to huddle up, to rest, to integrate, to release any need to perform or prove as we become.

The vastness of the ocean, the immensity of a redwood, the expansiveness of a canyon can take us away and beyond our own smallness to help us connect with the sense that something larger is at play. In these spaces we can feel both our own insignificance and our interconnection to all things on earth. We can find our belonging within the Universe and believe somehow that even when we can’t see it, there is a reason we are here. We do matter. We can remember that we are not alone. We matter. We are needed. Our voice, our ideas, our creations… unlike any other.

Whenever you find yourself doubting that, I invite and encourage you to listen to Brandi Carlile and Alicia Keys sing “A Beautiful Noise.” Something in this song wakes me, shakes me, and reminds me to hold on even when I’m not sure where I’m going. It pulls me back to trust that the way will become clear (or at least clearer). It reminds me that I have a voice. I have unique stories to tell, perspectives to share, lessons to teach, invitations to offer, and gifts to give. So do you. Each one of us does.

How are you doing these days? Where is your inner guidance leading you? Talking with a wise woman the other day she aptly noted, “I think people are fried.” I think she’s right. If you’re feeling fried right now, how do you recharge? How do you reconnect with your inner wisdom and guidance? What works for you? Please share with us so that we can add to our own ideas. In the moments of darkness, it can be hard to see a path forward. We forget this current state will, at some point, come to an end. It will.

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Boundaries... Tough, and So Critical!

6/16/2022

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Recently I’ve become really aware of my accumulated depletion from years of hyper-vigilance, and over-giving. Certainly, this has been me for the few decades, since the time I was pregnant with my oldest son.

Most likely it’s been me my whole life. Even as a pretty young child, there was care-giving I had to do. Always on alert, always doing what I could, working hard to make sure my people are safe, the household runs decently enough, friends are ok, clients well-cared for… carrying a lot of people and their needs in my head and heart. No doubt the stresses of our time is also weighing heavily on me.

It’s like the fish in water who doesn’t know they’re swimming in water – I didn’t know or couldn’t see what I’ve been swimming in. I have so many wonderful grounding practices, that mostly I do pretty well. I thought I was ok. And, overall, I really AM OK! I share all of this only to lay the background, not for anyone to worry about me – really.

At the same time, it’s catching up with me, so I’m finding I need more space, more time, more quiet, more slowing down, more breathing room in order to return my nervous system to calm. It’s not as calm as I’ve thought it was as often as I’ve thought it was. And, so, enter the need for boundaries. Boundaries do not come easily or naturally to me, but I’ve learned how vital they are to one’s well-being.

Enter boundaries

Enter the need for boundaries. Boundaries do not come easily or naturally to me, but I’ve learned how vital they are to one’s well-being. I resonate with Brené Brown’s definition of boundaries as “what’s ok and what’s not ok.” When we can be clear about this and communicate it to others, we actually strengthen relationship and clarify roles.

Boundaries allow me to stay connected. They help me to preserve my energy and well-being. Without boundaries, I might need to pull away completely, shut down all together, and go into isolation, making connection impossible.

Boundaries bring me into integrity with what is true for me and allow me to honor what I really have to give. Without boundaries, I can easily over-give, over-extend, and burn myself out… That serves no one. Without boundaries I show up, but I am later exhausted or resentful… That gets in the way of relationship.

Boundaries allow you to trust me. You can count on me to say “yes” when I am available and “no” when I am not. You no longer have to worry or wonder about taking care of me. You can trust that I am taking care of myself. Please know that even if I say “no” or “not now,” I still care. I care enough to not give to you when I am not able to.I hope you understand, and I don’t need you to understand.

This isn’t about you. It’s about integrity, truth, and honoring. When I hold a boundary, I honor both you and me… even if it doesn’t feel that way in the moment.

Of course I want people to like me (don't we all?), but I am no longer willing to let that override my love for myself. For too many years I put others first and abandoned myself on a regular basis. This is not sustainable, healthy, or good for either one of us.

With boundaries, we can develop a strong and healthy relationship. I trust you to have other resources and to find your way even when I am not available. I believe in you which is why I don’t have to turn my world upside down to save you. I honor your wisdom, power, and ability to tap into whatever you need to get you through this moment. I know your well-being does not depend on me.

Please understand, I also know how hard it is when someone isn’t available for me when I really feel a need for connection and support. This makes it hard for me to say no when I feel that need coming from you.

And at the same time, I love, respect, and honor those who are able to say no to me even when I say “I could really use a friend…“ This happened once with one of my oldest and dearest friends. It stung in the moment. It was also painful for her, but she felt the truth of having nothing to give. And, it taught me an invaluable lesson and modeled for me what’s possible.

Somehow, she knew that I would be OK even though I felt like I was falling apart in that moment. She knew that even if I didn’t find anyone else to talk to, I was able to be with myself and make it through the deeply painful and awful time.

Here I am…so, clearly, I did. I will never forget that moment. Not because of the pain I felt or because I was angry with my friend, but because she taught me that it is OK to be honest with yourself and with other people, even people you love deeply. It is ok to say, “I don’t have it in me to give you what you need. I don’t have the bandwidth.” Or, simply “No. I’m not available.”

And so, when I am not available, I trust you. I remember that I am not God or 911 and so I can’t expect myself to be the one to save you.

Will I be there when I can? Absolutely! Will I give of myself generously when I’m filled up? Without a doubt. It’s who I am. And yet, in this moment my own health and vitality depends on me saying yes to me. Not splitting myself in two trying to honor me and others. I must begin here, with this vessel, this heart, this being that needs my devotion and care.

Boundaries are an Act of Radical Self-Care

Boundaries are an act of radical self-care. They take courage and awareness to set. They require us to be quiet enough to hear the inner wisdom that guides us.

Boundaries can feel awkward, clumsy, and imperfect as we begin to express them to others. We may worry how they are received until we learn to let go of that worry and begin to trust instead. If a relationship is based on over-giving, is this a relationship worth continuing? The relationships I want are with people who will understand and respect my right to take care of myself.

I’ve got a long and complicated relationship with boundaries. In the past I didn’t know what they were and had a hard time setting them or knowing what they should be.

Boundaries are particularly important when you are in a care-giving role, personally or professionally. If you’re someone people look to and lean into, they will naturally want your support, advice, wisdom, calm, or listening. We owe it to ourselves (and to them) to be honest about our availability and our limits.

Boundaries are about Respect – for Me and for You

Without respect for yourself, it’s nearly impossible to have or honor boundaries. They help me to trust myself and to know that I have my own back. To know that I will listen when I feel a reaction in my body that tells me yes or no, now, later, or, in fact, never.

Boundaries let you and I know what I can do and what I can’t do. More accurately, what I am willing to do and what I am not willing to do. I have proven over the decades that I am more than capable of pushing through and doing more than is reasonable.

After 58 years on this planet, I am no longer willing to live that way. I love and care about so many people. I am pulled in so many directions. I have so much and so many people and things weighing on my mind at any given moment. I take these things on without even being asked. It’s up to me to free myself.

It’s up to me to respect and love myself enough to take the risk to take a stand. It’s up to me to draw a line in the sand and then to dance with that line moment to moment. It’s up to me to learn how to ask the wise questions of myself, to give myself a pause, in order to hear my inner guidance and wisdom. It’s up to me to take care of myself and not expect you to be able to read my mind.

Boundaries are about Compassion

If we are friends or family, I need to trust you and to trust our relationship - to know we will find our way through even when I say no or not now or I won’t. Boundaries empower everyone. They liberate us. They do not have to be harsh. In fact, honest boundaries allow for compassionate, honest conversation and communication.

In this short (and very worth your time to watch) video about boundaries, Brené Brown shares her shock at learning that the most compassionate people she interviewed were also the most boundaried!

Boundaries allow me to honor my heart, soul, and energy. Boundaries are about respect, trust, and integrity. They do not come easily or naturally, and I may forever be on a quest to learn how to do them better. I’m willing to learn because so much depends upon it.

Because I know that my energy, time, and resources are limited, as are my days, I want to love open-heartedly and live as beautifully as possible. With that in mind, boundaries are going to be critical or it’s going to get ugly.

Your Turn

What’s your experience with boundaries?
When and why do you need them?
Are you comfortable setting them?
How does it feel when someone holds one with you?
Have you found a kind and compassionate way to communicate them?
Do they feel important to you?
Are you able and willing to flex with them as circumstances change?

Please share with us! We can learn so much from your insights and experiences!

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Love, What Would You Have Me Know This Day?

5/24/2022

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Heart in the Sky - Image by Vlad Ymyr from Pixabay

Thank you, Liz Gilbert, for this beautiful question (you can hear Liz talk about it on her recent podcast conversation with Glennon Doyle here).

I’ve added this question at the end of my journaling each morning. I write the question and I listen and write down the response I receive, simply allowing the words to flow through my pen. I LOVE this question because it gets me out of my head and into the energy of Love itself. An energy that we need to connect with more than ever. An energy that is being shouted over by voices of fear, hatred, and division. An energy that lives within each one of us, but may come through as more subtle or quiet.

Although Love also comes through fiercely at times – in the voice of a Mama Bear defending her child. Or a leader in social justice who just can’t take the hatred and division one more minute. In my own voice as I try to break through the prevailing messages about addiction and recovery.

As I’ve written this question for the past week, some themes have emerged in the responses that come through.

I am loved. Every message includes an explicit “I love you.”
I am not alone. Love says, “I am right here,” and “You do not have to figure all of this out!”
We’ve got this (whatever “this” is).
Breathe – lots and lots of messages to slow down and breathe.
Reassurance that I am held and encouragement to show up and live.

A couple of my favorite messages (though, really, I love them all!):

Day One - A message of surrender:

“Surrender…for all of it. Your health. Big life decisions. Your sons’ lives. The work you do with people. Surrender. Get out of the way. Let me in – let me work through you. Show up where you are called and as you feel called. Trust that you will be led. Surrender – save yourself the energy for where it is needed. Act when you get the nudges. Do your part, of course. But you don’t need to do my part or all the parts. You can trust the people to show up for their own lives. You, my dear, are not the benevolent knower of all things. You, my love, do not have anyone else’s answers. You’re off the hook. I love you. Rest easy.”

Day Two - A message of trust and leaning in in uncertain times. I needed to hear this. As I wrote last week in “No Pressure. Presence”, every time is an uncertain time. It feels extra uncertain these days with so much chaos, division, and devastation in the world:

“I’m right here. You are wrapped in so much love, even in the unknown time. Lean into me. Lean into your family of people who love you so very much. Let yourself be held and supported. And LIVE. Live with the urgency that comes from this day, from appreciating the life that’s right here, right now even when you don’t know what’s next. And, regardless of what’s next, believe in your body’s ability to heal – remember that. Trust it. Allow it. You get to write your story of this adventure. And, right now that means to just take life one day, one moment, at a time. None of us knows how long we have so don’t miss what’s right here… Live. Love. Honor and care for yourself, and don’t miss the beauty that is available even in the hard and scary times. You never know what’s possible. I love you.”

By taking the time for these short communications with Love, I am able to tap into a different energy from what I might find out there in the outside world. I am able to listen to the language of my heart and soul. I am reminded of things I already know deep down inside. My mind quiets a bit. My nervous system relaxes a bit. At least for a moment.

These moments build on one another and I expand my capacity to bring love out into the world. It softens me. It opens my heart. It emboldens me to speak out where in the past I might have stayed silent – to speak up where people are being harmed. To stand up for what I believe in. To strengthen and build relationships. I feel filled with courage and compassion.

Your Invitation:
I’d love for you to give it a try. Take a moment and ask, “Love, what would you have me know this day?” Ask it whenever you like - as a daily practice or when you're facing a challenge. When you're struggling or unsure. Ask. Listen. See what comes through.

Here's a meditation to support you. Love, What Would You Have Me Know This Day?

Share if you like – I do believe these messages are Universal ones meant to be heard by many.

How does it feel to take this time to connect with and listen to Love? How might this inquiry benefit you?

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Life, Death, and Rebirth

5/10/2022

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This is the name of one of the Tai Chi moves we do in Tai Chi for Recovery, and it strikes me that this is what this season of Spring is all about.

Nature is making it abundantly clear that we are in a time of transition. Each of these elements: life, death, and rebirth are at play.

I see life in the trees and flowers budding and springing to life, in the baby ducklings scurrying to keep up with their mother as they somersault haphazardly off the bank, frantic to not be left behind. There is life in the call of the migrating loons on our lake – these visitors that are only here for a short while. The longer days with more sunshine and the skies filled with birds flitting busily about feel very much alive.

As trees and plants come to life, we can also see the ones that did not make it. The death and decayed material on the forest floor that now becomes the base of life for new growth.

Rebirth – the perennials and bulbs that miraculously burst through the ground after so many months of hibernation, resting, doing whatever magical things they do in the soil when the snow and grey days are here. The tiny lilacs, their buds the size of a tiny pearl, slowly becoming more vibrant, more open each day.

And I am reminded of these cycles that live within each one of us all the time. We are always in transition, whether we know it or not. Physically our bodies change every single day – as Wayne Dyer used to remind us, we are not the body we were at 6 months old, even though we are still the same person.

As we learn, grow, and evolve, our thoughts change. We find new ways. We unlearn old ones that are not helpful and maybe even harmful. We replace old, destructive habits with new healthy ones. We slip back. We begin again. Life, death, rebirth.

Bursts of inspiration and energy carry us toward possibility. Fear and doubt stop us in our tracks. Then we begin again, slowly gaining traction. Life, death, rebirth.

Dreams and ideas fall away as new ones come to light. Roles are abandoned or redefined. We step into a new sense of self, perhaps one that feels more aligned with who we are in this chapter of our life.

It seems in every group I participate in, people are talking about feeling “up in the air,” uncertain of the future. I sense a heightened awareness to the truth that we don’t know what lies ahead. We don’t know. Individually and collectively, we have no ability to see, with certainty, how our next move will play out down the line. For some at some times this brings fear and anxiety. We want to know. Our minds love to think they’re in charge and that if we craft just the right plan, then surely, we’ll be ok. We’ll be safe. Now we can go ahead. We forget that plans are destined to be changed.

Others are more comfortable with stepping out into risks, taking a chance, making the next move that feels like the next right or best step. We do what we can to set ourselves up for success. And, as we step into action, maybe we weigh pros and cons. We do the research, play out scenarios, try to prepare for all that could come up. (I certainly do that and have likely wasted a lot of time and energy in the past in this mental activity – somehow it makes me feel better. Gives me a false sense of security). Sometimes we simply take a leap of faith, trusting that if we don’t learn to fly, the net will appear.

On my last retreat I spoke about the sense that my heart just keeps breaking open. A friend asked what that looks like. The best answer I could give is that I’m filling with compassion to the extent that I can no longer tolerate things that are not Love. That I feel both a sense of urgency and also a call to slow down and savor. To pause and notice the teeny tiny buds, to listen to the birds, to not miss life’s unfolding. To really be present with a friend. To reach out and put everything else aside so that I can just listen and hear what’s going on in her heart. To stop telling my son what to do, but to get curious, ask, and give him space to open his heart to me. To share our thoughts, our feelings with a sense that what we’re up to is somehow very, very sacred.

And, also, urgency… I feel a pull to show up more and more authentically, to speak up, to speak out, to be part of the revolutionary work I am called to. To notice that there are more causes that need attention than I can even imagine, and if I try to take them all on, I will be completely burnt out and ineffective in everything I do. So, slowing down, asking within and getting clear on what causes I am here to serve. Howard Thurman’s words live in my heart:

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

The energy of these words pulses through my heart and veins. I can literally feel it calling me to life. Letting go of ideas I’ve had about who I was or what I should be doing – allowing them to die away so that I can be reborn into this new day. Aligning more and more with what Parker Palmer calls my “soul’s imperative…” That call which I cannot deny.

Can you feel this within yourself? This letting go or dying off of old things, old ways, as you step into new life with fresh energy, new possibility, new beginnings to be born anew as this next version of you?

When I witness people release a career that’s been bogging them down for decades and allow themselves to feel the excitement of a fresh possibility, as they allow their creative muse to take them to a dream that’s been hidden or a light that beckons, I can feel them coming to life! There is a tingling in the air when someone listens to the call of their heart or soul. When someone says “Yes!” to a dream they have no idea how to fulfill. When they simply take that first small step. Life in the making!

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Vision and Vows

4/26/2022

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Photo by Drew Beamer on Unsplash

As we look at V in the #AtoZChallenge, what comes up for me is vision and vows. Not the kind of vows you take when you get married or join a convent, necessarily but vows we may not even be aware we’ve taken.

Vision
Let’s start with vision. Are you a vision or a goal person? Or maybe you like both? Or neither?

I definitely fall in the vision camp, even though I’m a coach, and I know I’m supposed to love goals. Maybe there is a place for each, but more often than not, I find vision more expansive and goals more limiting.

To me a vision comes from the imagination, allowing yourself to dream and consider what might be possible. When I’m forming a vision, I’m considering how I want to feel. I may not have all of the details, but I give myself permission to paint a picture in my mind and feel in my heart what it is that I’m wanting. A vision is something I breathe into as I breathe life into it. It fills me, and I hold it. But, I don’t necessarily “work” at it. I conjure it, and I hold it in my heart. I put it out to the Universe, and I go about my business.

Of course, there are steps I have to take along the way. I can’t just sit on the couch eating bon bons and expect things to materialize, and yet, I’ve also found that it doesn’t necessarily take hard work to bring things into reality.

Real Life Example
I just came across a notebook I had been gifted in 2016 that had space for me to write down a mantra for the year, my top 5 values, a vision statement and a personal and professional mission statement. Then I could record various goals I had, stating why they were important to me, a projected completion date, and an action plan with lots of blocks for steps.

Here’s where I see a distinction between goal and vision. Stating the goal (or thing I desire in my life) and naming why it’s important to me feel like vision. Giving it a projected completion date is a blend of vision (I don’t know, but this seems realistic…) and goal (I will have it completed by ___). The action plan is where we name steps toward achieving that completion date.

The cool thing is as I look back at this book from 6 years ago, the very first goal I didn’t even remember naming at that time was to have a home on a lake. Why? “Because on the water is where I find my greatest peace, align with my spirit, and tap into my highest creativity.” I gave myself a projected date of 2021 – 5 years out. Why? Because the truth was, I thought this was a pipe dream. I wanted it, but I didn’t really think it would ever happen. I thought I was writing and boldly declaring something outlandish. We had NO desire to move again, I didn’t know if my husband was on board, and I didn’t think we could afford it.

So, even my vision was kind of wishy-washy, but I felt the call in my heart and soul, so I let myself put it down anyway.

My action steps (most which were never taken):
1. Begin a savings plan specifically for this goal,
2. Talk to my husband, Tom, to be sure he’s on board, and
3. Create a vision board to bring this dream into reality.

Why is this so cool?
1. Because within a short time I forgot I had even written it down,
2. Because I only took one of those action items (the only one I really needed to which was talk to Tom), and
3. Within a year we were getting our house ready to sell, and 3 months later we had closed on our lake home! “Goal” met 4 years earlier than my wild projection!

It was NOT the home I would have envisioned originally, but it’s a home that supports our life in a wonderful and affordable way. The beautiful thing about vision is there’s room for it to unfold, evolve, and emerge. Had I set a goal, we might not be in this place because I wouldn’t have found the home that checked all of the boxes I thought I wanted.

Which brings us to Vows…
I first considered vows in the way I now understand them when I was taking the Now What?® Coaching training with Laura Berman Fortgang back in 2013. We created a brief life history, and Laura invited us to notice any vows we may have made that were still driving our decisions and behaviors.

Vows sound like “I will NEVER be, do, feel…” They may have worked for a while, but because they are a reaction to the past, they may no longer serve us. They operate subconsciously, so until we take the time to see them, they may actually impede the life we want. When we can see and name them, we become free to choose – do I still want this force dictating my choices?

Some common vows:
“I will never be like my father.” “I will never be poor.” “I will show them! Prove what I’m made of!” “I will never be a statistic!” “I will be the best mom ever and my kids will be my everything!” “I will change the world!”

If there’s a vow that requires you to prove something, it may drive you to work harder, gather more degrees or credentials, and achieve beyond what you really want or need.

Vows may wear you down as you allow yourself to be silently and unknowingly driven by the past. And vows can get in the way of your vision.

If my vow had been “I will ONLY live in a house that’s ____ size on ____ lake and it will have X, Y, and Z” I’d probably still be back in my suburban home with my miserable neighbor, where I would have been very sad riding out the pandemic.

Maybe I wouldn’t have even let myself look at anything that didn’t fit predefined narrow parameters. There would have been no room to play with possibilities that eventually carried us across hundreds of miles to at least 5 different lakes, looking at homes of all sizes in all conditions. We would never have considered our current home.

Your turn:
What visions do you hold, personally and professionally?
Do you see any vows that are alive and well that might not be serving you very well?

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Unknown and Uncertainty

4/25/2022

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Sitting with these ideas for today’s #AtoZChallenge. We live in a world of uncertainty, and we are always stepping into the unknown, individually and collectively. Depending on what that unknown is can fill us with excitement or anxiety, hope or dread.

Sometimes it’s clear that we are in a state of transition – leaving a job or relationship, graduating college, getting married, moving across the country, having a baby… in these cases, we know we are leaving behind a familiar life to enter into a new one. What we don’t always see so readily is that we are always in transition. Our bodies, our reality, our relationships, minds and ideas are continually morphing and evolving.

Other people fill us with their fears, worries, or faith, which may or may not be helpful. Each of us is living in the unknown, uncertain of what’s to come. Most of us don’t like to admit or accept that. So, we do what we can to control, to create some level of imagined certainty.

We make decisions and choices, take actions trying to ensure the outcome we desire, unwilling to admit we can only take the next best step for the best chance of the things we hope for. There is freedom in accepting that truth.

The only things that are known or certain are those things that have already happened.

And, so, what keeps us going? Why do we continue to show up? I guess because the unknown also offers the possibility of things beyond our imagination. Our negativity bias causes us to focus on what could go wrong, but at the same time our spirit and soul call us to what could be wonderful or amazing.

Knowing is actually way less interesting than we admit. Who would watch a multi-hour sports event or movie if they knew how it was going to end? (Well, unless, like me, you’ve seen it before and you don’t remember or you don’t care because the story is so enthralling!).

We spend hours of worry about how our lives or our loved ones’ lives will go. We humans are fascinating! Playing this game of strategy and faith, effort and flow, making moves, taking chances, riding on hope. And, there it is again, that mighty force that some call weak.

Hope encourages us, supports us to say yes to the proposal, to take the stage, to leave the toxic relationship and head out on our own. To put down the drink or drug that has consistently brought comfort to see if there might be a better life without it. The hope that tomorrow will be a better day nudges us forward. Something has to push us, pull us to leave the known and risk the vast uncertainty of the unknown. To wake up and step into a new day and see where it takes you.

“When you walk to the edge of all the light you have and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, you must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for you to stand upon or you will be taught to fly.”
― Patrick Overton, The leaning tree

My favorite days are “Let’s see where the spirit takes us” days. Days with absolutely no plans, and where we let go of control, just checking in moment by moment to see what we’d like to do. What we want to eat? Is this a time to rest, read, or go for a walk? What adventure calls to our hearts? What might be fun? What would feel comforting and nourishing?

To find the ability to flow with it, gently, sweetly, one moment at a time. Not needing an agenda. Not needing to know. It can be uncomfortable, but it can also be wonderfully delightful when I pause and listen within, feel into the longing of my heart and soul, let go of the worry of wasted time.

This is where I sit right now. Is this a day to relax and write? To bake? To go to a movie? In the sweetness of no schedule, I don’t know. And, I am savoring the unknown. It gives me permission to decide, to choose, to see… These are my favorite days. The ones not dictated by meetings, classes, work, commitments, or appointments. They are a rare gift in a busy world. “Seizing” this day does not mean it has to be productive or anything other than what it is. It only asks me to show up and be with it, as it is, as it unfolds.

And, yet, feeling the uncertainty of our future, having just watched the memorial video of a young man gone too son, compels me to invite us all to live a life we will remember. To love openly, to care deeply, to hug our people, to capture memories, and make new ones. This life is so precious because of its uncertainty. We don’t have to strive to make things happen, but we don’t want to miss what’s here.

What grounds you as you find yourself swirling in the midst of uncertainty? What helps you stay steady as you step into the great unknown? What practices do you have that hold you most reliably when times are tough? For me, meditation, morning pages, yoga, getting outdoors in the beauty of nature bring me home, and connecting with those I love is critical.

What does it mean to you to live a life you will remember? What’s calling you? What feels most meaningful and important these days? Has that changed over the years? I know, for me, I have little desire to go back to how I used to be when I was much younger. And I do long to step into my next chapter from a place of purpose and joy.

A few recommendations and invitations for you:
Katrina Kenison writes beautifully about life and its various stages, looking at transitions and life changes. I have recently finished Magical Journey: An Apprenticeship in Contentment, a beautiful book for women in midlife, changing roles and relationships with growing children, finding themselves again after career and parenting change. I highly recommend this as well as The Gift of an Ordinary Day: A Mother’s Memoir of Letting Go. Both books and her blogs, which are beautiful and thought-provoking, call us to be present to the everyday moments as our lives and relationships grow, evolve, and become their next version.

Here are a couple of musical accompaniments for this life journey:
The Nights by Avicii – “Live a life you will remember!”
I Did It All by Vince Myers

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Truth, #Truthbombs, and Trust

4/23/2022

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If you’ve been following along in this #AtoZChallenge, Question (Almost) Everything, you likely have noticed a theme and a bias I hold for people finding their own answers, tapping their own wisdom, and learning to trust themselves as they lean into what is true for them.

There’s a troubling trend I’m seeing in social media these days. People are dropping #truthbombs everywhere. Because they’ve said it and hash tagged it, we need to get on board with whatever they’ve spewed onto the screen. Sometimes it’s even accompanied by a BAM! to really catch your attention. Usually these feel like a jolt to my mind and spirit.

I don’t know about you, but my first reaction is not usually to say, “Yeah… you’re right…” but rather a little skepticism and maybe even a little Who are you to tell me what’s true?

Truth is a rather subjective thing, isn’t it? Maybe not as subjective as some want us to believe these past few years, but still, it is in many cases something that we determine for ourselves.

What lands for us? Resonates with us? Stirs a sense of buzzing, aliveness, or goosebumps? I don’t know about you, but I feel it in my body when something resonates as right, true, or at least worthy of my consideration.

It doesn’t take some jazzed-up woman yelling in my face, throwing down the #truthbomb gauntlet!

So, for today, I invite you to revisit Answers, Questions or Follow Your Heart, if you’d like a little support in what it means to trust yourself, to find your own guidance, to determine your own path or choices. Honestly, I suspect some element of this theme is woven into most of the posts since it’s such a strong foundation of my core truth.

“Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own,
instead of someone else's.” - Billy Wilder

You are the expert in your life. You get to chart your own course. No one else can possibly know what’s best for you, and the more they tell you they do, the more discerning you want to become (that’s my #truthbomb! Trust yourself, first and foremost!).

How about you? How do you decide who to trust? What helps you to trust yourself, even when you feel lost and confused? What practices do you have that help you quiet down and listen within? Where do you create time and space in your life to be able to do so?

“Silence is the mother of truth.” - Benjamin Disraeli

Please share so that we can get some new ideas! Appreciate you being here, reading, and chiming in!

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Striving, Success, and Sustainability

4/22/2022

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Seems a lot of people begin their adult lives striving… working hard, trying to achieve something. For many there’s a vague sense of what they’re aiming for, and for others there’s a very clear end goal in mind. And, so the climb begins… striving, driving, pushing to achieve, to prove, to feel worthy.

We may be following a dream or course set out for us by someone else – our parents, teachers, or other adults who thought they knew what was best or right for us. Things might look great and we feel like we’re checking all the boxes. And then, at some point we may find ourselves unhappy, dissatisfied, even if things look great on the outside.

Somewhere along the way, many of us hit a point of wondering what the heck we’re doing. Feeling like the goals we had set don’t matter as much any longer, whether we’ve reached them or not. We begin questioning what really matters. Is it having a 6 or 7 figure salary? The fancy car? The prestigious title or position? Who are we trying to impress and what are we trying to prove?

So, we begin to look at the pace we’ve been going at and find that it’s just not sustainable. In order to see if what you’re doing is sustainable, take a moment and get really honest about your energy, resources, reserves, and sense of enjoyment and fulfillment. You may discover you don’t want to keep going the way you have been for decades. If that’s the case, it’s time to start looking for what brings a sense of contentment, peace, and joy.

Each one of us gets to define what success is for us. How is it measured and how will you know if you’ve arrived? What will a successful life look like? How will you be spending your time? Who will you be with? What does an ideal day look like in a successful life (for you)?

Asking these questions can free us from staying on a path that no longer makes sense. It allows us to lean into our own values and priorities and create our reality with these as our guiding forces.

One friend says “Hey, we only get so many heartbeats…” True and that number is unknown. But each day we can decide where we allow those heartbeats to take us. What we do know it that “finitude” is certain. This life will end. When you are looking back over your days, how will you feel about the way you have spent them?

The Dash Poem
by Linda Ellis
I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on the tombstone
From the beginning...to the end

He noted that first came the date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years

For that dash represents all the time
That they spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved them
Know what that little line is worth

For it matters not, how much we own,
The cars...the house...the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So, think about this long and hard.
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
And more often wear a smile,
Remembering this special dash
Might only last a little while

So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life's actions to rehash...
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent YOUR dash?

As you reflect on your life and how you’re spending your time, energy, and resources today, are you content? If not, what changes do you want to make?

As you look ahead to the rest of your life, how do you want to feel? What impact do you want to have made? What do you need to do now so that you don’t burn out before you get there?

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Planting Seeds, Practice, and Possibility

4/19/2022

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In today’s #AtoZChallenge, let’s look at planting seeds, practice, and, of course, Possibility! I couldn’t miss that chance when P came around!

Planting Seeds
We are forever planting seeds in our own lives and in the world, so it seems worth pausing (oh, there’s another great P word!) to notice the seeds we spread. Are they seeds of kindness and generosity, of love and possibility, of hope? Or are they seeds of doom and gloom (which, quite frankly, would be understandable these days)?

My yoga teacher reminded us that Loving Kindness practice plants seeds of kindness and compassion within us that hopefully we will carry into our days and lives. As we sit and take the time to offer to ourselves and others these universal wishes of peace, happiness, health, safety, and ease, we become fertile ground for embodying these qualities. From there we can more readily offer them out through our actions. We begin with ourselves, offering some variation of the following:

May I be peaceful.
May I be happy.
May I be healthy.
May I be safe.
May I live with ease.

I must admit it can be hard for me to be fully present for this initial offering - to quiet myself enough to simply receive. My mind and heart automatically wander to others I want to send these wishes to. I forget the incredible value and absolute necessity of filling myself up first.

I do believe Loving Kindness practice is one of the most valuable practices we can engage in these days. As I wondered in my Kindness post, I can easily question if this practice matters or makes a difference. I have to believe it does. Because I can feel in my own being what a difference it makes to my heart and spirit. The act of taking time to offer love to myself and then out to others, known and unknown, feels like it creates a ripple… it feels like planting seeds of goodness in a world that is hurting.

Practice
And, so, there is the first practice I’m considering. What other practices will support us in troubled times? What practices will support us to move toward possibility? And, what does “practice” even mean?

Practice, to me, means that we will try or do something, we will likely forget or drift away from this thing we are doing, and then we return again. It does not mean that we will be perfect, even with all the practice in the world, but simply that we will remember and come back. Over and over again.

Meditation is a practice. In it we welcome ourselves where we are as we are. We allow our thoughts and feelings to be what they are and to come and go, naturally, without force or harshness. When we find we’ve drifted away for whatever reason, we return to our anchor (often the breath, but it could also be the sensation of your hands or feet, the sounds you’re hearing, or to a word or mantra), and begin again. In that permission to drift and return as often as happens, there is a gentleness. And so, meditation is a very good practice to support our way of being in life. When we drift from how we’d like to be, we remember, we adjust, we return, and we begin again.

Living and loving are practices. Human is messy, and so we offer ourselves compassion and forgiveness as we find our way.

Self-care is a practice. It’s not something we’ve been taught growing up, and so we need to find our way as adults to what it means for us to care for ourselves, moment by moment. We often begin with gung-ho intentions and goals, and inevitably life happens and we become less diligent. It’s ok. In that moment of noticing that we’ve drifted off our intended course, we awaken, and we have the chance to return and begin again.

Gratitude is a practice. It takes awareness to pause and notice what we’re grateful for. To take in the beauty of this moment and appreciate it. To reflect on the life we have and name what we are thankful for. Even in hard times to find what’s still here that we can appreciate. What can give us a tiny lift or glimmer of hope toward the next step.

What other practices do you have that support you, that help you plant the seeds you’d like to in your life, and to move into possibility?

Possibility
Possibility is perhaps one of the most under-rated beliefs we can tap into. We tend to look at probability and get stuck there. We forget that all new creations began with someone taking a risk, daring to believe that something might be possible. I recently listened to a really great conversation between Emmanuel Acho and Brene Brown about this very thing in their episode of “Unlocking Us,” entitled Being Illogical. Please give it a listen if you’d like to bring more possibility thinking into your days!

Had the Wright Brothers let probability stop them, we would not be able to travel across the country in a matter of hours. Had Rosa Parks or Martin Luther King, Jr. let probability stop them, they would not have taken a stand for the rights of people of color. Possibility requires a bit of imagination, a bit of daring, and a bit of willingness to play, experiment, or take a stand.

I believe possibility opens us to the life that we desire to be a part of. That opening to possibility is where everything begins. Our minds only know what’s happened before. Our imaginations can tap into an unseen and unexperienced vision. It’s this energy that lights a fire within us to keep on showing up, to do the hard work of healing our own hurts, and contributing to the world in the way we’re called.

“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”
- Mahatma Gandhi

Please join me in planting seeds of compassion, love, kindness, and hope. In practicing things that nourish and nurture your heart and spirit so that you can show up with possibility in your soul to be part of the change you desire to see in your life or in the world.

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Revival!

Feeling Blah...

Boundaries... Tough, and So Critical!

Love, What Would You Have Me Know This Day?

Life, Death, and Rebirth

Vision and Vows

Unknown and Uncertainty

Truth, #Truthbombs, and Trust

Striving, Success, and Sustainability

Planting Seeds, Practice, and Possibility

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