Category: Empowerment

Are You at War with Reality?

8/22/2018

Are you at war with reality? When I first heard this question, posed gently and sincerely by Tara Brach, it stopped me in my tracks. Was I? Are you kidding me?? Of course I was! Who wouldn’t be when they were facing what I was!? Righteous indignation set in. Absolutely, I’m at war with reality! And, I have every right to be! This isn’t what I signed up for!

And so it goes… from the mundane “I don’t want the days to be getting shorter…” to the deeper heartfelt plaintive wail “Nooooo!” that goes along with a life-changing diagnosis or the death of a loved one, there are so many moments when we don’t like what’s happening. We really can’t stand that this is our reality. We desperately want things to be different.

But, this is the way it is right now…

Signs you might be at war with reality

Wondering if you are at war with your reality?

If you find yourself thinking or saying anything like this, you might be at war with reality:
It shouldn’t be…
How did this happen? This isn’t how my kids were raised!
I can’t deal with this!
This person/company/country cannot be doing this…
NO! I refuse to believe it! (that one’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?)

What do you do now?

If you find yourself accepting that you are at war with reality (possibly and probably more often than you know), what do you do?

One of the key principles of mindfulness is to be with what is. Easier said than done, for sure. Yet, when we are able to do so, there is a softening, a tiny relaxing, a teeny sense of ease that sinks in simply because we have let go of resisting.

When we resist, we tighten in order to hold on to something or to brace ourselves against something, and in the tightening and bracing, our unhappiness, struggle, and suffering increases significantly. Not only is this thing going on, but now we’ve added an internal battle against it.

Being with what IS doesn’t mean we have to like it. It simply means that we need to accept that it is indeed here in this moment. From that place, we are able to sit with it, see how it lands in us, and then be in a place where we can more consciously ask the question, “OK, this is happening. Now what?”

I’m not asking you to deny your resistance or denial – that would only complicate things further. Be with your feelings of sadness, anger, fear, or grief. Be with them as long and as often as they arise. That is absolutely part of the practice of being with what’s real. You’re feeling this way – give yourself the space and compassion to be exactly where you are in this moment.

Then lay down the sword that’s fighting whatever has caused you so much angst and lean into your experience. When you face it head on, with the acceptance that it’s here, you are much better prepared for what will come next.

The Practice of RAIN

The mindfulness practice of RAIN: Recognizing, Allowing, Investigating and Nurturing is one I’ve found to be super helpful when facing hard times. Depending on your situation, this might be a very quick practice that yields some comfort right away, or it might require a longer chunk of time or even many rounds to really find any relief.

We are not looking for a quick fix – life doesn’t work that way. We are looking for a practice that will support you as you face the challenges that life inevitably and continually throws our way.

Recognize what is happening and what you’re feeling – “My child just betrayed me. I’m pissed!”

Allow it to be here, just as it is – rather than pushing it away and wishing it weren’t so, make room for the anger, and recognize that your heart truly is able to hold it all.

Investigate – with kindness and curiosity, not mentally, but in your body – where does this anger land? How does it feel? “Ah, my jaw is clenched. My stomach is in a knot. I’m barely breathing.”

Nurture – bring loving compassion to yourself. What do you need in this moment? How can you care for yourself in this state of anger? What kind of loving support do you want right now?

After the RAIN, simply soak it in… allow it to nourish you to your roots. Then, just like plants and flowers do after a real rain, you are able to open up and blossom once again.

Simply by allowing yourself to have the reaction you’re having, taking the time to be with yourself and notice and name what’s going on, to inquire how you might care for yourself or ask for the support you need, you’ve already loosened its grip on you. You’ve given yourself a chance to step into some practices that might actually nurture, nourish, and support you to face this thing that is causing so much despair.

It’s a Practice

Like so many things, it’s a practice. A practice of being aware and being with. Practices ask us to repeat them over and over. Practices allow us to forget them and then to remember, over and over again. A practice isn’t something you do once and check it off of your list.

For more about RAIN, I recommend checking out Tara Brach’s resources here. She has a number of talks, writings, and meditations to deepen into this beautiful self-compassion practice.

Because, when we are at war with reality, we are certainly not being kind or gentle to ourselves. We are struggling within our own experience, and we suffer from this fight.

May today you greet yourself with loving kindness. May you find peace. May you allow your experience to be just as it is. May you live with ease.

Wishing you so much goodness.

I’d love to hear how this lands with you and please share your experiences both of resisting and of allowing. What are your signals that you’re at war with reality and what’s worked to support you in moving through these times?
Please join the conversation below.

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What's YOUR Dream?

6/23/2018

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Have you ever found yourself getting swept away in a grand vision or a big dream and suddenly you find yourself falling short?

It happened to me in the past month or so, and it surprised me. I know better, but I'm still easy prey. No matter how much I preach this and support others to NOT do it, I caught myself getting swept up in ambition that wasn’t mine. I was striving to do more, be more, make more, be like people I admire, and live up to what I think other people want for me or expect of me. And, I got really, really out of sorts.

Thankfully, in the wee early morning hours (as so often seems to be the time for these epiphanies!) I felt a clear “Stop! What are you doing!? Why are you making yourself crazy and beating yourself up? What’s true for your heart?”

Once I paused, I was able to recognize that what IS enough for me has nothing to do with reaching millions of people or making millions of dollars. What is enough for me is showing up fully to those I am graced to work with – to touch one life at a time. It’s enough for me to be able to give where I can. It’s enough for me to really appreciate the life we’ve created. My soul breathed a sigh of relief… There you are, she said. Thank goodness you’ve remembered. Settle down now...

It’s so easy to get swayed off course. So many outside voices gratuitously offering their thoughts on what we need and what we should do. Watching other people do what you thought you wanted to do and judging yourself as inferior. For me there was also a story running that went something like this… If you’re not going to have a big business, go on tour, speak to thousands, make a lot of money, then what has all this training,coaching, and retreating you’ve done to support you and your business been about? And, in that moment I unearthed this story that told me I needed to justify all that I’ve done in some way through my business results.

Then the inquiry to get at the deeper truth came pouring in… What if all of the work I’ve done has been to help me be better for myself, for my family, and for those who I am lucky enough to be able to serve? What if it fulfilled my insatiable curiosity and love of learning (and that’s OK)? What if what matters to me most is my family and my home and I no longer desire to go after a dream that would take me away from them a lot? What if it’s enough that 111 Invitations is rippling out slowly, naturally, and organically?

The truth is, for me, it is exactly enough for this moment in time. I am right where I want to be today. I am relieved to admit this to myself and to give myself permission to stop feeling like it’s not enough – that I need to push for more. For today, I’ve landed on what feels right on a deep, deep level. And, that gives me a ground to stand on and a newfound energy that inspires me. Instead of feeling discouraged, I feel alive and excited. Some of my dreams no longer fit, and for now I can drop the burden of carrying them any further.

What are YOUR dreams?

So, how about you? If you stopped trying to be what you thought you should be or what you thought someone else wanted you to be, what are YOUR dreams? Are there dreams you once held that no longer fit you? What would happen if you let them go or at least set them aside for now?

These answers will come from your heart, not your head. I invite you to take some quiet time, place a hand on your heart, and ask. Then listen. Jot down what you hear. And, listen some more. Allow insights to come to you unobstructed. This isn’t the time to edit or argue. Allow yourself to be surprised. See what lights you up from inside, brings you that sigh of relief when you let go of something that is no longer yours, or electrifies you with excitement.

You may find a new sense of energy and motivation that had gotten bogged down in the misdirected efforts of wandering a path that wasn’t meant for you. Lucky you! Now you know, and you can begin anew.

In our culture we are solidly conditioned that more and bigger are better. It’s just not necessarily true. We’ve been told to “dream big.” Hell, I’ve told people that for years, and I still believe it – the important piece is to discern and define what’s BIG for you! Big isn’t necessarily measured in dollars or numbers. Big impact can come through small actions.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.” ~Steve Jobs

The truth is when you speak, act, and create from a place of deep integrity, being true to yourself, following the call of your heart and soul, you will find more peace and joy, and you WILL make a difference. Your being will be happy and fulfilled, and in that happiness and fulfillment, you will have a ripple effect you may not even be aware of! When you come from a place of authenticity, there’s no telling what surprises await. You just don’t have to try so hard to make things happen.

If you’d like to take time for this inner exploration, join us at one of my upcoming retreats. Part of the reason I’m so passionate about retreats is that they give us the gift of time and space to touch in with questions like this. While it is possible to sit with this type of inquiry on an average day, it’s much harder when we’re wrapped up in daily to-do’s, distractions, and demands. Stepping away for a bit, allows our nervous system to let down, quiets the outer noise, allows our hearts to open, and allows our intuition to speak.

If you enjoy writing prompts, you might play with some of these, taking a few minutes each and writing without stop to see what comes through:
- The parts of my dream that are alive and well right now are...
- I am willing to let go of...
- I'd love to bring in more...
- What really matters to me...
- What I appreciate about where I am right now is...

Please share your insights, wisdom, and reflections here - we learn and grow together!

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Just Pause...

2/19/2018

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In the wake of another school shooting in the US, I didn’t know what to write this week. The shooting and the ensuing endless arguments of blame that came from it, along with round the clock news coverage, hit me hard. In the sadness, heartache, grief, and anger I’ve been feeling, I knew for sure that I didn’t want to jump over what might be stirring within you. I didn’t want to rush to find a silver lining or lesson or even try to be inspiring.

Then I realized what I could offer is one of the most powerful tools I have discovered. I could offer the power of the pause.

Pause. Stop. Breathe.

It’s here in this stillness you can find some clarity. Here you can find some grounding. Here you can tap your own intelligence and guidance.

A pause is powerful because it breaks the chain of reactivity. It stops the rapid fire keyboarding response to Facebook or twitter posts that have elevated your blood pressure to new heights.

A pause allows you to step back for a moment, to take a breath, and to remember who you are, what you stand for, and to decide what you want to say or do in any moment, particularly the heated ones.

A pause may open you up to new perspective, to new insight, or perhaps a willingness to listen to a differing point of view.

A pause allows you to respond or act more intelligently, more thoughtfully, more likely in a way that aligns with your values and your heart.

A pause breaks the cycle of reactivity. That is definitely something we could use these days. Fewer people launching themselves willy nilly into the spinning frenzy without first calming themselves down a bit - what would that be like?

A pause does not mean you will not speak out or you will not act. Nor does it mean you will not feel anger or sadness. But it greatly improves your chances of speaking and acting wisely. It improves the odds that you will connect with your compassionate heart.

Pause allows you time and space to feel what’s here in this moment. To grieve, to let the tears fall, to let your body ache with pain and sadness, to allow the anger to boil. To allow yourself to be overcome by emotion. Pausing is an act of kindness and compassion - for yourself and for others.

There is very little in life that requires an immediate response. We’ve only been mislead to believe that we need to jump right away. We act as if we do (I know this is a trap I have fallen into many times). Yet when we do, we often only add to the mess, rather than bring forth any sort of helpful dialogue or solution.

Before you take to the streets, pick up the phone, strike the keyboard, or open your mouth, give yourself and those you will interact with the gift of pause.

Whatever you are facing that gets your heart racing - a societal outrage, a problem with a loved one, a challenge at work, losing your job, getting a frightful diagnosis… allow yourself the grace of a pause. See what becomes possible when you do. You will most certainly see a little more clearly.

Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles
and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?”
- Lao Tzu

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How Might Gratitude Support You?

11/22/2017

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At this time of year gratitude and thankfulness are everywhere. So I have been reflecting on how gratitude serves us, particularly when times are tough.

Gratitude in times of Transition

Transition and change, whether they are wanted or not, are uncomfortable and challenging. They rock our world and throw us into unfamiliar and even more uncertain than usual territory. Recently having gone through a big move, I’ve had a chance to feel this earth-shattering reality, even though I was making a change I very much wanted.

One of the things that kept me grounded throughout the ups and downs of house buying and selling was my daily gratitude practice. Why? Because at times when I was irrationally terrified, it balanced my perspective with a look at the things that were at least all right in my daily life. It offset the natural human tendency to look at what’s wrong or anticipate the next disaster that might be lurking just around the corner.

When I was filled with excitement, joy, and eager anticipation, gratitude helped me to celebrate and take that in. As much as we have a tendency to notice the “negative,” we also often seem to be conditioned to downplay or dismiss “positive” moments. The pause of appreciative reflection allows us to take in and enjoy these happy moments.

What is Gratitude?

Gratitude is about noticing things we appreciate and coming into relationship with what IS. Sometimes we can even be grateful for fear, anger, or sadness because they reveal something to me that needs to be seen – they uncover a layer of reality. Gratitude isn’t always about sunshine and rainbows! It also isn’t about jumping over sad, angry or fearful feelings to get to a place of feeling good or looking for the silver lining. But, it can help open us to see beyond what’s right in front of us that may feel all-consuming.

How Can Gratitude Support Me?

So, how might gratitude support you if you are going through a transition? If you’ve recently lost a job or a relationship, and you’re not sure what lies ahead, it might be tough to see or feel anything positive. But if you were to take a few moments each day to find even the smallest thing to appreciate, it could shift not only your view of life but how you show up in life, to your family, and to the world at large (including to people you might be interviewing with or asking for support).

Research has shown that people who practice gratitude are healthier, have more optimism and happiness, create stronger relationships, and are more generous. These sound like traits of someone I’d want to be around (or hire!)… how about you?

What IS a Gratitude Practice?

What’s a gratitude practice look like? Whatever you want it to! The key is to not make it a big “to do” or one more thing to add to your list of tasks to complete. Find a way to bring in gratitude that feels supportive and nourishing for you. Different things work for different people. The first step is to slow down enough to even make the inquiry and notice what am I grateful for? If you’re not in the habit of thinking this way or asking yourself that question, it may take a while to shift from your regularly programmed thinking.

Here are some ideas to get you started. Maybe upon waking you reflect on a few things you are grateful for before you even get out of bed; this is a beautiful way to start your day and can really influence how you approach whatever is before you. You might want to keep a gratitude journal and jot down things you appreciate throughout the day. Perhaps what works for you is an evening reflection before bed. It’s a soothing bedtime routine and a great counter to the all too common thought that often creeps in that says “That day was a waste.” or “Wow, what a horrible day I had!” It doesn’t matter whether you write, mentally note, or speak out loud your gratitude as long as you’ve taken some time to notice and acknowledge it.

Even on some of my most horrible days, I’ve been able to find things that I am truly, honestly grateful for – the cleansing tears that allowed my broken heart to crack open a little bit more and relieved me of having to hold it together; having a pillow to scream into and punch when my anger consumed me; loud music and a good car scream; the friend who made me laugh even when I wanted to cry or the friend who simply sat with me and let me feel what I was feeling.

Don’t know where to get started? How about appreciating having clean air to breathe, fresh running water to drink, sunshine, a roof over your head, a fresh idea, or the beauty of birdsong. Don’t force it. Begin with what feels true to you. Notice something you truly do appreciate. Then mentally reflect, write it, draw it, paint it, sing it, share it with a loved one… whatever works for you!

If you’d like some practices to support you in cultivating gratitude, you might visit Greater Good In Action, where you will find several simple meditations and exercises to get you started or to enhance an existing practice.

Have fun exploring how gratitude might support you. Please let us know what you discover!!

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Just a Little Light...

7/2/2017

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I was asked to write about the theme of “just a little light” this month. So many possibilities arose of where I could take it… Let your light shine; Marianne Williiamson’s famous quote, “It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us;” what lights you up? lighten up; take a lighthearted approach; light vs. dark. So many choices.

What I landed on is a reflection of the light we all have within us – what my friend, Janet Rozzi, calls our “inner pilot light.” I love this image because it reminds me that even when we can’t feel it, there is always a flicker of a flame burning below the surface, just waiting to be ignited.

You know those moments of intense aliveness when you can feel the fire burning in your belly, lighting you up from inside with excitement, love, joy, or even anticipation?? We all have those from time to time, but if we were to try to sustain this level of intensity, we would burn out!

And, then there are the moments of darkness when we barely feel a spark at all. We feel as if we are lost in the shadows, unable to find our way out. Our light has dimmed to such a low level that its power does not fuel us or feed us in a palpable way.

For most of us, those experiences represent the extremes. Most of the time we are living more in a mid-range experience – not too hot, not too cold; not too bright, not too dark. And, therefore, we barely notice the light at all.

So, it’s a good practice to remember that this light is in there, guiding us through our days, shining a beacon of possibility into the dark hours. Take moments of quiet and stillness to tune into it, to feel the aliveness gently burning within. Meet yourself where you are and notice what you need.

Through gentle inquiry, ask yourself what it is that would fan the flames to stoke the fire of vitality? Just as fire needs oxygen to fuel its flames, often times with us, breath is the perfect life-bringing force. Simply begin with the breath. Notice the expansion throughout your body and the calming of your mind as you slowly and deeply breathe in and then exhale completely.

You can also notice what it is it that causes your light to darken or dim. What changes or choices could you make to bring more light, more brightness to your days?

Remembering that we are never in a static state of blissful brightness or eternal darkness helps us to remember that we have many choices. We begin with ourselves where we are and gently nurture whatever light is there.

If we’re feeling particularly dark, we remember that we have ways to bring that sparkle back. Sometimes simply by thinking of something or someone that brings us joy can bring a smile that radiates through the eyes. We’ve all seen the people who have a glistening sparkle in their eye, and we’ve each been that person at times. What is it we want to bring in or let go of to amp up the sparkle that begins deep in our core?

Marianne Williamson’s quote closes with these words: “And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

How might we be the light and bring the light today? What difference could that make in the world?

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There’s Never Been a Better Time for Self-Care

2/9/2017

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There’s never been a better time to take really good care of yourself than now. And, while I think that statement is always true, I think it’s particularly true now. We are living in a time of so much uncertainty and so much disruption. No matter your political views or your level of engagement in activism, it would be hard to be immune from feeling the effects of the energy swirling in the US and across the globe these days.

Now is the perfect time to come home to yourself – back to your own heart, back to your own wisdom, back to your own strength. It’s time to be well-resourced so that you have energy for your creativity, your contribution, and your presence in the world. You must be well-resourced in order to show up to the people and things in your life that matter most. You can’t really fully be there for your loved ones, your clients, or your work if you’re not well-cared for. And, you must be well-resourced for yourself – so that you stay healthy and strong to live the full life you’re here to live.

Self-care doesn’t have to be big or grand, and we certainly don’t want it to become one more thing on an already overwhelming to-do list! No! That’s not what I’m talking about when I talk about self-care. I’m talking about what my mentor, Renee Trudeau, defines self-care as: “the art of attuning and responding to your needs and desires, moment to moment.” This is an in the moment thing, my friends! It is a practice, an art that develops over time. And, it doesn’t have to be hard or take a lot of time.

I’ve been thinking about mini moments of self-care, because most of us don’t have an ounce of extra energy, and we can’t imagine finding more time in a typical day. So, what might be a mini moment that would help rejuvenate, restore, and nourish you? Here are some ideas to get you started:

Breath - take a few minutes to connect with your breath – closing your eyes to shut out distractions if you can, maybe putting a hand on your heart and another on your belly, and just notice. Where does your breath come in? Where do you feel its movement most clearly? Is it deep or shallow? smooth or jagged? Just be with it and notice if it slows or deepens as you stay with it… eventually you might want to invite the exhale to be just a little longer than the inhale, getting rid of that stale air as you bring in fresh.

Music – put on a song that lifts you up, energizes, soothes or inspires you (what is it you need right now?) and dance and sing along… let your body and voice move as a way to get your own energy moving and as a way to find some joy or comfort!

Rest – lying down and letting your body be horizontal, even for a few minutes is soothing to your nervous system. It does not have to be a full-blown nap. But, if you have 20 minutes, close your eyes, drift away, and take it!

   Fresh Air! – get outside to be in nature even if only for a few moments – take a breath of that fresh air into your lungs and find refreshment. If you can go for a walk, whether it be around the city block or in the woods, notice and connect with the nature around you – trees, birds, breeze, snow, sunshine… there is something enlivening about being with nature.

  Journaling – take a few minutes to do a short journaling. This could be simply to brain dump whatever’s on your mind and in your heart or you could do an exploration into deeper connection with yourself, asking and answering a question like “What is it that I most desire right now?” or looking at a bigger one like, “The life I envision is…” It’s amazing the wisdom that rises up when we give ourselves a few minutes to write without thinking or stopping.

  Create – get out some watercolors and paint away – see what wants to be expressed today; knit; craft with clay; make a collage; color or draw a mandala – all of these things are great ways to tap the creative part of our brain and get out of the thinking mind, which may really need a rest.

  Connect – connect with other people in person or by phone so that you can be seen and heard and have a chance to share laughter and struggle with someone else. Knowing we are not alone is really powerful. It can be really tempting to isolate when we’re feeling overwhelmed or down, so sometimes this one takes a conscious effort. The rewards are well worth it.

  Sprinkle in some JOY! – have something to look forward to each and every day that makes you happy, makes you laugh, warms your heart, or just brings in a gentle sense of contentment… there’s room for it every day, even in the darkest of times.

What ideas do you have? I’d love to hear yours in the comments below – we are each other’s teachers!

Self-care definitely needs to come in mini moments over and over again throughout the day. There are also times when it’s great to take a longer period of time to really fill up your own well if you can. Give yourself a half day or full day to simply listen to your heart and gut – what is it that would be nourishing, joyful, or healing for you today? Be willing to be surprised and be willing to change your “plan” if you start something and find out it isn’t filling you up as you had hoped. This isn’t about making plans or commitments – it’s about learning to listen to your own guidance and being gentle with yourself as it comes.

If you’d like a longer stint of self-care immersion, take a weekend or week-long retreat – alone or with a group. Retreats give you a chance to turn off the phone and computer, to step away from daily demands, and to create space for you – to go within and see what really needs your attention right now. Retreats are a time for your mind to relax, your body to rest, and all of you to slow down.

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You are NOT the Energizer Bunny®!

12/2/2016

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Dear One,
I have news for you… and, this might come as a shock, but you are NOT the Energizer Bunny®! No, you are not a mass of fuzziness wearing cool shades, banging aimlessly on a drum while spinning and whirling recklessly around the house.

Sure, you may feel that way from time to time, but it’s not the truth. And, this whole idea of “Keep going” is doing you no good!

There is no battery in you that can go and go and go for thousands of hours without stop. You are not a mechanical being – you are a tender human BEing who needs rest and nourishment, fun, laughter, and play.

I thought this might be a good time to remind you as the hustle and bustle of the holidays piles on top of the media assault on our senses. In the midst of all this bombardment is a sweet (and, yes, very strong, but not invincible) YOU!

You – the one who is so good at giving to others, doing for others, taking on the world… you are the one they seek now with endless requests and demands for your precious time, energy, and resources. Please give more. Please give to me. Please take care of me and my needs. Please speak up for this cause. Please donate over here. Please, please, please… You hear it ringing in your ears, even when you sleep!

And, so you give. And you give as if there is a bottomless reservoir from which to pour. You forget to step back and take even just a little time to replenish your beautiful self. The spark will burn out – maybe it already has, and you’re feeling strung out, burned out, and just a wee bit overwhelmed. Maybe you’re just plain tired.

“But, but, but… “ you protest because you have so many goals to achieve before the year is done; so many gifts to buy; so many causes to support; so many cookies to bake; so many cards to write; so many parties to attend… You know the drill!

Can you just give yourself a break from all the DOing and sink into your BEing-ness? Can you slow down for just a minute, take a breath, and check in to see what would really nourish you? Cause, guess what? It’s not cheese puffs, beer, and pumpkin pie that are going to sustain you!! I’ve tried that, and it is not cutting it!!

What can you do to give to yourself in this busy time? Do you even hear your own voice calling to you amidst all the noise? What would truly nurture your body, mind, heart, and soul right now? Today? It can be very simple, but first you have to stop. Stop everything else. Quiet the outside racket, and listen to your body. Listen to your heart. Close your eyes. Put your hand on your heart or your belly. Breathe. And, ask your heart, body, and spirit...
~ What do they need from you in this moment? Today?

Other great guiding questions are:
~ What is most important or what really matters? (is it a getting a tree right now at all costs, or is it more important that we do this as a family at a time when we can all do it with joy?)
~ What will bring me joy?
~ What would be life-enriching for me?

And, then choose just one simple step to take that will really honor your beautiful self. And, then do it again later today, and tomorrow until this becomes a practice that is a natural part of your life!

It could be as simple as stepping outside and getting some fresh air, moving in a way that truly brings you joy, eating food that fills your body with nourishment and sustenance, connecting with someone who lifts you up and makes you laugh, checking out and taking yourself to a movie mid-day, taking a short horizontal break, getting to a yoga or kick your butt and sweat like crazy class, sitting with your sweet pet and soaking in their love while letting their warmth soothe you, reading a novel, writing a poem, singing a song and dancing with total abandon…

What ideas come to you when you really take the time to ask? Please share them below so that we can add to our own bucket of resources.

Every single one of us needs and deserves this time for self-nurturing and rejuvenation!

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The Power of Gratitude

10/18/2016

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“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” ~ Melody Beattie

We are heading toward a time of year in America where many of us turn toward gratitude and reflecting on what we are thankful for… at least for one day.

But, what if gratitude were a much more frequent practice in your life? What would the benefit be?

I have been practicing gratitude regularly for at least the past couple of years, and I share my gratitude with my friends via Facebook daily. Why do I do this? Certainly not to flaunt the “perfect” life I do not have, but rather to make sure I take the time each day to reflect and to find the good, even amongst the muck. Gratitude is a form of mindfulness and a piece of self-care. It is taking time to notice and to honor what's here.

What a regular gratitude practice offers is a way to get out of the brain’s natural tendency to focus on the negative - what went wrong, what we didn’t do, what we don’t like, what we could’ve/would’ve/should’ve done, or what might go wrong next time. Gratitude takes us to a place of appreciation for what was, for what IS. It allows time to reflect on what went right, who or what lifted us up or filled us with joy, or what part of our humanity and experience we can acknowledge today – even if it’s tears, really feeling sadness fully, or letting ourselves be grumpy.

Gratitude does not have to be about sunshine and rainbows. In fact, gratitude is great medicine in the dark days, helping us to lovingly be with ourselves in our current reality. It may help us to see a tiny glimmer of light where there might have seemed to be none. Gratitude doesn’t change the circumstances, but it helps us remember that life is multi-faceted, and even in the hardest of times, there are still things to honor and appreciate.

Gratitude is a practice that helps recondition us to begin looking for things we appreciate – in ourselves, in others, in our experiences, and in life’s day-to-day. As we notice there are things to appreciate, we may shift our perspective of life, or we may simply find a little more peace in accepting what’s real in this moment. Gratitude seems to stretch our heart (think of the Grinch), and soften our spirit into a more gentle way of being.

It is a simple but powerful practice – you don’t need to light a candle, sit on a special cushion, take a ton of time, or enter into it with any sort of ceremony or ritual (though you certainly can if that makes you happy… and grateful!). It can be done anytime, anywhere. It can be done openly – it’s a rare and wonderful gift to let someone know what you genuinely appreciate about them from your heart. Or, it can simply be a silent internal process. It can be written, thought, or said out loud – all are equally powerful! You may keep a gratitude journal, and begin or end your day reflecting in it. Morning, noon, or night… or simply in the moment when you feel it, find gratitude. Soak it in and let it fill you up – for one breath, one brief pause, or for a longer period of time.

What might work for you? Try something out. And, give it a try on days that are really hard, and notice… What impact does it have?

Do it on the days when Hallmark isn’t in your face telling you to be thankful. Try it out in as many ways as you can! Make a game of it – stick with some form of gratitude practice for at least 21 days, and see if there’s any shift in your attitude, mood, perception, or experience of life. And, let us know!
Offer it freely – to yourself and others. Why not start now? What are 3 things you’re grateful for right in this moment?

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Can You be OK, Even When “Things” Aren’t?

5/3/2016

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Life happens. And, let’s face it, life’s happenings aren’t always pleasant, fun, or even comfortable. Sometimes, life’s happenings are painful, unpleasant, or un-fun. If we’re honest, they are always uncertain.

I was asked recently, “How are things?” and I found myself pausing and answering another question. My reply: “I’m doing really well.” Because “things” right now are very uncertain, sad, scary, and bordering on crisis. I didn’t want to focus there.

Instead, I wanted to focus on the strength, calm, clarity, and courage I have cultivated and drawn on, even in the midst of such troubling times and “things.”

How often do we find ourselves swept away by the story of the chaos, the confusion, the drama, and other people’s stuff, unable to find our own footing and ground in the middle of all of that? It happens quickly and easily, often without any warning or time for us to notice. It happens to all of us, and it can take us down quickly and deeply.

Or, we can catch our breath, take a look around and remember that we are not victims of our circumstances. We can notice what’s real for us, feel what we feel, let that be OK, and still choose whether WE are OK or not. And if we’re not ok right now, can we let that be OK for now? If we’re not OK, how long will we stay in that space? Maybe we have no idea, and we simply choose to take things one moment, one breath at a time.

We will choose whether this instance will empower us, emboldening us to reclaim our stand, set boundaries to honor ourselves, or not. We will choose whether to be caught up in someone else’s net or to find a way to stand beside them or far away from them so that we can stand our own ground.

Sometimes it doesn’t seem possible or even right to be OK when someone we love is suffering or struggling. We have a preconceived notion that a “good mother” or a “good friend” or “good partner, community member daughter, son”… (fill in the blank) should not feel OK if someone else does not.

But, when you think about it, the best thing you can do for everyone is build up your own reserves, take really good care of yourself, find the truth and integrity that comes from knowing your own needs and honoring them the best way you can. Only then can you possibly show up to love or support another. Only by being there for yourself first, by finding a way to be “OK” (whatever that looks or feels like in that moment – for it will surely change) can you have anything available to give to another.

As they say, “Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.” And, choose to be OK, even when things aren’t. They often aren’t and we often miss out on life we don’t need to miss out on wishing and hoping and waiting for “things” to change, rather than changing ourselves and how we show up.

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About me...

I am a writer, coach, and teacher, and I love capturing life's many moments through writing, whether that be journalling, blogging, poetry, or essay. I have always found the written word as a natural way for me to express what lies within.

This is the space where we get real. I will write about my life experiences and things that I find my clients encounter in their daily lives.

What's real for you? What would you like me to write about? Feel free to share with me topics you would like to see discussed and please join in the dialogue through the comment section. Your engagement makes the blog a much richer place to hang out!

Thank you for joining me on this journey!!

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