Inspired Possibility Blog

Revival!

8/31/2022

Revival - an improvement in the condition or strength of something. (as defined by Oxford Languages).

When I first thought about “revival,” I thought it meant “brought back to life.” I suppose that would certainly be considered an “improvement in the condition or strength of something,” wouldn’t it? So, I am going to stick with that felt sense of the word.

I’ve had a month of revival, and I must say I’m emerging with a fresh energy, a renewed and deepened connection with myself, and a fresh enthusiasm to engage with life and this next chapter in a beautiful way. I’m looking at my work with fresh eyes and a willingness to shake things up.

In July I got a very strong internal hit to step away, pull back from obligations and work that wasn’t filling me any longer. That hit also came with a strong desire to add in more fun, more play, more rest, more joy. And so, I did.

I cleared my calendar of appointments that could wait til later. I bought tickets to live music, which I have learned in recent years is a thing that fills my soul and is something my husband and I enjoy doing together. I jumped into the Great Rhythm Revival (that “thing” I mentioned in my last newsletter) very spontaneously and a little uncertainly. I booked a trip to Omega Institute to meet a friend I’d only known by Zoom and phone for 2 ½ years – we’d co-facilitated 2 online retreats in that time but we had never actually been in the same room together, never shared a hug or a deep sit-down face-to-face conversation! I bought tickets to the Avett Brothers in Chautauqua and then added to a day pass so that we could listen to Scott Avett’s non-lecture about spirituality, faith, and creativity which led us to add an extra night to our stay and invite a couple of friends to join us. I found a gorgeous simple peaceful cottage on the lake to hold us for those nights.

I’ve been on the road A LOT! Probably away from home more than not this past month. But, because it was fueled by joy, I feel filled up rather than depleted. Revived, if you will!

So, this Great Rhythm Revival… what the heck is that? I wasn’t sure other than knowing I was jumping into some peace, love, and granola kind of happening with drumming, dancing, and fire. I went with Sandi Sabene, my partner for this year’s retreat and a friend who I haven’t had much chance to play with and a dear friend of hers. I could have (and would have in the past) felt like a third wheel, an outsider, especially since these two are beloved members of this community that has formed over many years. But, I didn’t. Why? Because I went in with a solid sense of myself and a strong ability and desire to take care of my needs during our time together. I let go of FOMO and gave myself permission to listen to my body, heart, and spirit – to nap on our porch rather than join a workshop, to dance rather than write, to go to bed rather than go to the fire. To say “yes” to me rather than to other people’s expectations or desires.

I also gave myself full permission to let loose and find the carefree, joyful me who was so hungry to come out and play! To close my eyes and drum even though I don’t really know how. To join the transformative dance workshops and let my body move as it wanted to move (which was way more than it has in the past year or more due to a lengthy bout of frozen shoulder). To say “yes” to the body paint (a little the first night and all in the second) before the dance party! To dance in the front row and not care that I’m so tall. To sweat. To jump into the pond and float with women I was just meeting for the first time. To talk to strangers – to dare to believe that I might belong. To meet new people and to buy my ticket for next year because I know this is good medicine for my soul!

During that weekend I found or reconnected with parts of myself that had been sleeping for too long. My nervous system settled, awakened, healed in ways it hasn’t in a very long time. I was nourished and fueled on all levels. The conditions and strength of my something was very much improved!

I returned home with a solid connection to my true self. I felt grounded and strong. I had crystal clarity, which allowed me to stand on my ground and face some BS that came my way almost immediately. Finding ourselves and letting ourselves free is vital to our life force energy. It’s critical to be solid in our own core in order to not be buffeted around by life and other people.

I feel like I’m in the gooey phase of transformation/transmutation now… like the caterpillar in the cocoon, in the dark, but not in a bad way. There’s been a strong desire and need to go within, to find quiet and stillness in order to hear the whispers of my soul, the calls for what’s next.

I don’t know what’s next, and that’s ok. In this space I don’t have to know. I only have to be open. To listen deeply to my heart and soul – to follow the inner nudges that do know. To sit with the not knowing and allow things to unfold. To catch and follow the fresh inspiration when it comes.

This phase is calling me to let go of things I’ve done for a long time, and trust that I will be able to create anew when the time is right. I’m not trying to box anything in to what it used to be or what I’ve always done. I’m not trying to force or figure anything out. Aaahhh… it feels like a breath of fresh air that I can expand into rather than a stagnant stale container cramping me in.

On my solo drive to Omega, I listened to great podcasts (Cheryl Strayed on We Can Do Hard Things – 2 episodes – really lit my fire!). I listened closely and paid attention to what their conversation awakened within me. I longed to devote more time to my writing and for writing time with Cheryl. I’m taking steps to honor this deep knowing. Shortly after returning home, I saw that shel is offering a writing workshop in Omega! I am returning before too long!! Opening to one of my core gifts, to one of my principal practices and mediums, to inspiration, to a place and space that nurtures and nourishes me in a deep, deep way! I’m excited!

Listening to Scott Avett talk about not wanting to be boxed in or blocked out by labels, I felt a deep resonance in my core. Scott spoke of the need to be real, even in front of other people. To let content arise from lived experience. As I witnessed the band shake off any perception that they were simply a “folk band” with a strong rock and roll show, I smiled, imagining their intention. “You think we’re folk? Watch this!” It was an amazing performance, coming from the authenticity of the band members. Perhaps the best show I’ve ever seen from them. Why? Because they were letting themselves out to shine and play! They were being moved from the inside out!

I have many reflections living within me from this month of revival. I have so much gratitude for those who flicked me awake and to myself for being there for it! For showing up, ready and willing to be awakened, ready and willing to take a risk, ready and willing to break free, just a little bit more, letting go of some of the cares about what others think of me or expect from me in order to more fully honor myself.

Sounds selfish, doesn’t it? And yet, I have no doubt that all of this revival will allow me to serve the world in a better and stronger way than I have before. I don’t know exactly what that means, but I’m ready and excited to witness and be part of the unfolding.

Your turn…
What’s feeling old and stale to you? Where can you shake things up a bit, in a really good way? Where might you bring in more joy and playfulness to your days? Where can you add in fun? What can you cancel or reschedule that maybe doesn’t have to happen right now? What truly matters most to you right now – at this moment in your life? What parts of you have been sleeping or gone missing for too long? What parts have not yet been discovered? Where would you like to begin your revival?

If the Great Rhythm Revival sounds good to you, check it out and join me next year! As I was promised, you won’t be disappointed and you’ll likely love it!

Want to give yourself a little revival much sooner than next August? Join me and Sandi Sabene (she was the friend I went to Revival with and has facilitated drum circles and creative expression experiences for decades) at Let Your Light Shine Women’s Retreat Sept. 23-27. She and I are lit up and so excited to be co-creating this magical 5-day experience together!

Five spots remain. This retreat may not happen again (at least not in its current form), so if this version is calling you, now is the time to jump in! Don’t put it off til “next year!”

I just don't know for sure what's coming. I know there will be more retreats. I know there will be fresh and inspired offerings... so, stay tuned as more is revealed over the coming days and months! This is where I am - truly am in a space of wonder, curiosity, and possibility, discovering for myself what will be next! I'm excited! And, you'll be the first to know!

And, as you can see from the rest of this post, I feel like it's always a good idea to seize the opportunities as they come rather than wait!

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Many & Mixed Emotions

7/1/2022

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Image by Pixaline from Pixabay

Whew! It’s been a week of many emotions, from the pits of despair, to peace, to joy. Memories, moments swirl within, weaving together, making up my reality. Healing is happening. Growth is happening. Layers peeling back. Heart breaking open. Trauma being released.

Car screams help. Tears help. Laughter helps. Saying “yes” to spontaneous invites help. Reaching out helps. Conversation and connection help. Pausing to notice change and growth and to acknowledge it helps. Holistic healthcare helps – a lot. Grateful for all of my practitioners who have ideas and an understanding of how to help that seems to be beyond the scope of Western medicine.

I have felt myself swirling down into the too familiar drain of doom… taking one data point and projecting it into a future reality, that I obviously have no idea if it will ever come to be or not. Our minds are so quick with the stories, find such reassurance in certainty, think they know it all. They don’t.

But the old triggers awaken the automatic responses – before I even know it, I’m back in the old ways, swirling in the old thoughts, feeling the old fears. I don’t have to stay here. I am grateful for the reminders that change is not a smooth linear upward path. It never is. Growth happens in fits and spurts, in setbacks and hesitations, in erratic and unpredictable ways. The path is rarely clear.

So, keep my heart open. Allow space for what’s here in this moment. How can I be with myself? Who can support me? It’s clear I need to expand my network. My immediate desire is to call Mary… and, of course, I can’t. And though she plays me music to let me know she’s right here, it’s just not the same. Thankful for the friends who do call. Who ask, “What can I do to support you?” or who simply offer their care and love. Thankful for talking with my family. Thankful for hard, honest conversations that reflect so much. Thankful when I can help another.

This week has hit me in so many ways, from mundane and simple overwhelm from trying to do too much in too little time, to self-criticism for doing that, to more extreme situations. I’ve had moments of absolute divine flow and grace, sailing smoothly through with no rushing or lateness – definitely a rarity! And I’ve had moments of forgetting things like money to pay my acupuncturist or important documents to share with my coach. Oh well… move on through. I can pay her next time and bring those papers in a couple of weeks. We work with what’s here.

Driving through our old neighborhood the other day brought up so much… dreams of what was to be and the reality of what wasn’t. A mix of sweet memories of my kids’ childhoods twirled and danced with scary, disappointing, and terribly sad ones of later years. I felt my heart ache for it all, felt my throat clench as sobs started to rise, and I took myself to the park. I sat in the car in the parking lot and I journaled… I let everything come through my pen onto paper. I let myself cry. I let myself feel and release what had been stuffed tightly down for too long as I claimed all of it as part of this reality that is my life.

I know for me healing includes walking through the fire, facing what’s before me. As I can face it, I can release it. I can see where I’ve been and where I am now. I can reckon with the horribly hard stuff, embrace the sweet stuff and I can accept all that falls in-between.

Contemplation sometimes moves to action too quickly for my being to keep up. I love our spontaneity overall. And, sometimes it catches me off guard. We decided to sell our boat. It took less than 72 hours and it will be gone – whisked away to some other lake to cart grandkids around. That makes me happy. We had a nice run over to Beachcomber the other night for the classic summer dinner by the lake while they play beach volleyball. One of the things we’ve always loved doing with the boat! This morning we took our last spin around the lake. Getting to be captain one more time, I soaked it in. Tears ran down my face for all the reasons – mostly because this dream ever came into reality! All my life I wanted a ski boat. 9 years ago, we got our first one and it’s been a wonderful thing. Savoring the memories and at the same time relieved to be done with any hassle. Knowing there will be moments I will miss it and long for it, and knowing overall it will be a relief.

Why in the world am I carrying on about such an inconsequential thing at a time when the world is raging with so many consequential and incomprehensible things? Because it’s all part of it… each one of us is affected by the small personal things, the big personal things and the collective stuff of the world. I don’t know anyone who’s not feeling some level of weariness right now.

It’s a really good time to take good care of ourselves. And it begins, for me, with allowing the many mixed emotions to move through me. Tears, laughter, delight, agony… they can all come through in any given day. What I try to remember is that “this” won’t last. Whatever this is… it will change, morph, release, move on, and something else will quickly fill its place.

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Life, Death, and Rebirth

5/10/2022

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This is the name of one of the Tai Chi moves we do in Tai Chi for Recovery, and it strikes me that this is what this season of Spring is all about.

Nature is making it abundantly clear that we are in a time of transition. Each of these elements: life, death, and rebirth are at play.

I see life in the trees and flowers budding and springing to life, in the baby ducklings scurrying to keep up with their mother as they somersault haphazardly off the bank, frantic to not be left behind. There is life in the call of the migrating loons on our lake – these visitors that are only here for a short while. The longer days with more sunshine and the skies filled with birds flitting busily about feel very much alive.

As trees and plants come to life, we can also see the ones that did not make it. The death and decayed material on the forest floor that now becomes the base of life for new growth.

Rebirth – the perennials and bulbs that miraculously burst through the ground after so many months of hibernation, resting, doing whatever magical things they do in the soil when the snow and grey days are here. The tiny lilacs, their buds the size of a tiny pearl, slowly becoming more vibrant, more open each day.

And I am reminded of these cycles that live within each one of us all the time. We are always in transition, whether we know it or not. Physically our bodies change every single day – as Wayne Dyer used to remind us, we are not the body we were at 6 months old, even though we are still the same person.

As we learn, grow, and evolve, our thoughts change. We find new ways. We unlearn old ones that are not helpful and maybe even harmful. We replace old, destructive habits with new healthy ones. We slip back. We begin again. Life, death, rebirth.

Bursts of inspiration and energy carry us toward possibility. Fear and doubt stop us in our tracks. Then we begin again, slowly gaining traction. Life, death, rebirth.

Dreams and ideas fall away as new ones come to light. Roles are abandoned or redefined. We step into a new sense of self, perhaps one that feels more aligned with who we are in this chapter of our life.

It seems in every group I participate in, people are talking about feeling “up in the air,” uncertain of the future. I sense a heightened awareness to the truth that we don’t know what lies ahead. We don’t know. Individually and collectively, we have no ability to see, with certainty, how our next move will play out down the line. For some at some times this brings fear and anxiety. We want to know. Our minds love to think they’re in charge and that if we craft just the right plan, then surely, we’ll be ok. We’ll be safe. Now we can go ahead. We forget that plans are destined to be changed.

Others are more comfortable with stepping out into risks, taking a chance, making the next move that feels like the next right or best step. We do what we can to set ourselves up for success. And, as we step into action, maybe we weigh pros and cons. We do the research, play out scenarios, try to prepare for all that could come up. (I certainly do that and have likely wasted a lot of time and energy in the past in this mental activity – somehow it makes me feel better. Gives me a false sense of security). Sometimes we simply take a leap of faith, trusting that if we don’t learn to fly, the net will appear.

On my last retreat I spoke about the sense that my heart just keeps breaking open. A friend asked what that looks like. The best answer I could give is that I’m filling with compassion to the extent that I can no longer tolerate things that are not Love. That I feel both a sense of urgency and also a call to slow down and savor. To pause and notice the teeny tiny buds, to listen to the birds, to not miss life’s unfolding. To really be present with a friend. To reach out and put everything else aside so that I can just listen and hear what’s going on in her heart. To stop telling my son what to do, but to get curious, ask, and give him space to open his heart to me. To share our thoughts, our feelings with a sense that what we’re up to is somehow very, very sacred.

And, also, urgency… I feel a pull to show up more and more authentically, to speak up, to speak out, to be part of the revolutionary work I am called to. To notice that there are more causes that need attention than I can even imagine, and if I try to take them all on, I will be completely burnt out and ineffective in everything I do. So, slowing down, asking within and getting clear on what causes I am here to serve. Howard Thurman’s words live in my heart:

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

The energy of these words pulses through my heart and veins. I can literally feel it calling me to life. Letting go of ideas I’ve had about who I was or what I should be doing – allowing them to die away so that I can be reborn into this new day. Aligning more and more with what Parker Palmer calls my “soul’s imperative…” That call which I cannot deny.

Can you feel this within yourself? This letting go or dying off of old things, old ways, as you step into new life with fresh energy, new possibility, new beginnings to be born anew as this next version of you?

When I witness people release a career that’s been bogging them down for decades and allow themselves to feel the excitement of a fresh possibility, as they allow their creative muse to take them to a dream that’s been hidden or a light that beckons, I can feel them coming to life! There is a tingling in the air when someone listens to the call of their heart or soul. When someone says “Yes!” to a dream they have no idea how to fulfill. When they simply take that first small step. Life in the making!

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What Does it Mean to "Fill Your Own Cup?"

2/15/2022

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We hear it all the time… “You can’t pour from an empty cup!” And, no one disagrees. But, the problem with these simple pithy phrases is that we all know them, recite them and hear them with a “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know…” attitude, brushing the words off as quickly as they land on our ears. We don’t really take them to heart, and if we do, we think they’re meant for other people. In fact, we probably offer this sage advice without stopping to take a look at what it might mean to us in our world!

This might be especially important if you:
- live in service to others
- tend to over-give your time, energy, resources, and attention away to the point that you are feeling drained and depleted. You frequently give to and do more for others than you do for yourself.
- consider yourself to be codependent
- are grieving. Grief takes time and an enormous amount of energy and naturally saps you of your usual resources.
- live in a situation that brings a lot of chaos and unpredictability (or you’ve had a significant amount of this throughout your years).
- don’t allow others to support you, or even let them know what you need. Maybe asking for help feels too vulnerable or you aren’t even sure what you do need.
- are one of the many, many workers who don’t stop for a lunch break, who don’t really check out from work, even during “off work” hours or on vacation.
- are someone who feels guilty just considering taking time for yourself.
- are immersing yourself in good and important causes (think opioid epidemic, climate crisis, social injustice, anti-racism, to name a few of many).
- find yourself continually worrying and fretting about things that are out of your control or beyond your influence and you find the feeling of powerlessness only adds to your anxiety.
- have been a human on this earth for the past couple of years… yeah, you. This is for you!

Filling ourselves up, regularly and repeatedly, not just a few times a year with a retreat or vacation is critical. With the steady onslaught of anxiety-producing news and information coming at us, we need a consistent way to bolster ourselves up and resource ourselves. Living in a pandemic has exacerbated this need!

Living in a way that is sustainable, realistic, and enjoyable is worth aiming for. Otherwise, we become like a sieve that is leaking energy everywhere.

What will fill you up?
Let’s explore this a bit. Many people, including me, don’t have a lot of ideas. Do you know what is fun, relaxing, nourishing, restorative, or comforting for you?

If not, you might consider this list of Pleasant Activities (disregarding all that clinical stuff at the top – this is just for you!) and see which ones resonate with you. There are more than 130 ideas here, so if you need a kickstart to explore some fresh ideas, give it a go! We begin to be able to make changes when we get to know ourselves better!

When you engage in an activity or hang out with a certain person, does it leave you feeling energized or exhausted?

When you read or listen to something, what effect does that have on you? We have to digest everything we take in, so be sure you’re not adding to your own anxiety or exhaustion without even intending to.

There are 2 aspects to filling up:

Stop the leaking/fill the holes where you’re being drained – getting to know the places where you’re giving away more of yourself than you have to give and/or where you’re taking in stuff that sucks the life out of you (Less is More )
Adding something in to fill up again – we have a vital life force energy within us, this magical elixir of life – it can be replenished so finding practices, people, activities that give us a boost will help with this aspect. (Sometimes More is More)

Stopping the leaking and filling the holes – releasing and letting go:

What can you let go of? Here are a few ideas to get you started:

quiet the outer noise (other people’s opinions, ideas, and thoughts of who you should be and what you should do. Other people’s drama!)
stop ruminating on things that are not yours to fix or figure out. Things that are out of your control
stop feeding worry – if you’re a world class worrier like I am, worry will find you. You can’t control that. What you can control is how long you spend with it and how much you do to stir it up and amplify it.
let go of abandoning yourself… how often do you let your own needs, priorities, boundaries slip away in favor of what someone else needs or wants from you even if you had calendared yourself in? What might it look like to begin to make yourself a priority? Or to just be willing to consider making yourself a priority?

Adding in – finding those things you want more of to fill you with vital energy – asking, receiving, creating:

What might you like to bring in to help you fill up? Here are a few ideas to get you started:

throw a light novel into the mix if you tend to read heavy stuff or lots of personal growth books (not that I know anything about that!)
the arts! Poetry, music, dance, song, paint, write, or create and express just for the pure joy of creating and expressing!
nature! fresh air, sunshine, time with the pure simplicity of nature’s sounds and sights – drink in that beauty
pauses – allow time and space for healing, for rest, for gentle evolution
breath… more breath! And movement. Movement that is pleasurable or enjoyable to you!

I offer this reflection and inquiry with zero judgement and no shame. I am a work in progress in many of these areas myself (I am always writing about what I am learning!). We are all works in progress.

So, as you get curious, be gentle, come with tenderness, compassion, and understanding.

How might you nourish yourself, body, mind, heart, and soul? In this week of love, how might you weave in some self-love?

All of this boils down to deep, deep true self-care.

Self-care is the foundation upon which a life is built.
Without it, we will crumble from the inside out!

Your Invitation:
Take some time to reflect on any changes you might want to make in your life in order to fill your own cup. Pause and look at the clouds as you consider what it means to you to fill your cup and why it might be worth devoting some time to. Share your ideas and thoughts here! There is power in giving voice to your intention and being witnessed. And, you just might inspire someone else!!

For me… after writing draft one of this and before going on to editing or recording the accompanying meditation, I’m going to get outside, take a walk (because I’ve been sitting for too long), sit in the sun and listen to the birds and ocean waves while I watch the dogs play! I hope you find something equally relaxing!! (thought I'd share with you what I found!)

I invite you to practice Filling Your Cup with this meditation if you'd like!

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Making Tough Choices

8/10/2021

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Last week I wrote about disappointing people and how sometimes we make choices that do disappoint others. We make those choices to be honest and true to ourselves. If you missed that and want to check it out, you can find that here.

It’s also worth pointing out that the reality of life is sometimes we just will disappoint others, even when we don’t know we are. Not by choice. Not intentionally. But just by the things we do or the way we show up (or how we don’t). There’s no getting around it and you can make yourself crazy trying to make all the people happy all the time. It can’t be done… so, let go of that. And this is why we come back to the notion of being true to ourselves as a guiding light.

I have a strong hunch when we are true to the best version of ourselves (which is really what I’m talking about), you are not going to go out and ruthlessly hurt other people. If you have any concern that this will lead to reckless narcissism or deep selfishness, you can probably let that go!

And, when you are not living true to your best self, when you are being what you think other people want or need you to be, the best version of yourself cannot show up to the world. It has been relegated to the basement or some back dark room… its hunkered down longing to come alive.

Often, we stay stuck and don’t follow our hearts or our dreams because we are so afraid we’re going to let someone else down. Sometimes we don’t follow a dream because it’s scary to see it come to life (this is a weird one but I have experienced it a couple of times when life-long dreams were about to come true… glad I persisted through the discomfort and allowed them to unfold anyway).

Sooooo… let’s look at when it might be risky to make a decision because you’re not clear on whether this decision will honor you or is simply an attempt to try to please someone else.

When NOT to make a decision:
- When you’re feeling exhausted, depleted, drained, or overwhelmed. It’s highly unlikely that you’re able to access your true guidance in these states and you’re much more likely to default to what feels easiest, least controversial or bothersome. It will be easy to collapse and defer to what others are telling you or to just do what you’ve always done.
- When you’re doing it solely for someone else (with a boatload of resentment or ickiness brewing beneath the surface, even if you have the best intentions). Unless you can get to a place where you know that you are consciously choosing, it’s better to hold off if you can.

I’ve had very dear friends almost spend a lot of money and time to take a retreat or program I’m offering “to support me.” No! Please don’t do that! I appreciate the thought, but quite honestly, I don’t want you there unless you’re there for yourself! Leave the spot open for someone who truly feels called to be there.

- When your choice is based on what others will think of you. You’re not in their heads – you have no idea what they will think! And, more often than not, the people you are giving a vote to aren’t even people you care that much about! So, let that shit go! Who cares what someone else thinks about whether you add one more pet to your family, where you go on vacation, how you spend your days, that you don’t want to have a child or get married, or that you want to date after all these years?

- When you can’t think clearly. When you’re in the thick of something, especially something upsetting, you might feel constricted, forced, or limited. You may see no option or way out. This is a time to step back and find some breathing room before moving forward. Sometimes there is a true urgency that requires action anyway – I still recommend at least a few minutes of deep breathing just to slow down, pause, and interrupt that spinning cycle that could lead to impulsive reactive choices.
Sometimes the “urgency” is not real or something that someone else is trying to impose upon you (pushy sales people and disreputable businesses trying to make you “buy now! Time is running out!” BS). For me, that’s a red flag. If someone can’t give me time to think something through, then my answer will be “No!” I used to tell my kids, “If you make me answer you now, the answer is no. If you give me some time to think about it, it might be yes. I don’t know yet…” Amazing how patient they became when I didn’t cave in to fabricated pressure.

Good news! There are things that can help take you from a place of confusion into making a solid decision that you can stand behind and feel good about!

Some things that help to make a hard choice that feels good (in alignment with your heart and soul):

Time and space to breathe! BREATHE. PAUSE. If you know me at all, you’ve likely heard this a thousand times… because it bears repeating. Because it’s something I need to continue to remember. The less time you feel you have, the more important it is to take time.
Get quiet. Get grounded. See #1… and also maybe put your bare feet on the grass, take a breath of fresh outdoor air, gaze at the clouds, into a pond, or the flame of a fire. Find something that works for you to bring you back to you. Listen within. Step away from outside voices and opinions.
Move from your head into your heart. It helps to place your hands on your heart, close your eyes, and imagine breathing into this space. Ask for guidance from this heart space. You’ll know if the response you get is from your mind or your heart – the mind will try to convince, justify, rationalize, or defend a position. The heart knows. You will sense your answer rather than think it. It may not make sense to the mind, even if you get the heart buzz that says, “this is the choice to make.”
Feel into each possibility you’re considering. From a quiet, heart-centered place, where you’ve given yourself space to listen within, play out the scenario of “yes” or “no” or option A or option B, C, D…in your imagination and notice how your body feels, how your breathing responds. Is there a sense of openness, expansion, softening? Or do you feel tight, constricted, restricted? What do you make of that? Your body is a great GPS or North Star when you learn to tune into it in this way. I’ve recorded this guided meditation to support you with this exploration.
Free write about each possibility – allow your hand to move across the page as you handwrite, “If I do/choose ____...” for each one – write for a few minutes without stopping to think. When you think you’ve written all there is to say, ask yourself, “And what else?” and see what comes through. The key is to keep the pen moving so that you can tap in beneath the surface – allow yourself to be surprised. You may or may not get the answer you expected.
MAYBE talk it through with someone you trust who can help you to reflect – someone who can listen not only to what you’re saying, but for what’s not being said, for changes in your energy, changes in your voice. A good sounding board is someone who helps you arrive at your own answers. The people closest to you are not always good sounding boards, particularly if your decision might upset their life in some way. A counselor, coach, or trusted friend might be.
Listen for and notice any deeply ingrained conditioning, patterns or vows that may be coming into play and influencing you one way or the other. Things like, “I’m not someone who…” or “I swore I could never…” “things aren’t supposed to come easily – this must be too good to be true” are signs that an unconscious program is running the show. This is a great time to get curious – ask yourself, “Is that still true? Does this serve me now? What if…?”
Notice if you’re holding onto one thing while reaching for the next. Sometimes we have to let go of one bank of the river to reach the other side but we hold on, straddling both shores, being stretched thin, for fear of what we might lose if we let go. Fear of stepping into the unknown can keep us stuck even if staying with what’s known is no longer healthy, fun, or beneficial. Knowing what you’re moving toward can help make it easier to release the past. Sometimes the energy that comes from releasing and letting go can open the doors to what’s next. Sometimes we have to be willing to move forward and step into uncertainty because we don’t know how it’s going to turn out (truth bomb, you will never know how it’s going to turn out until it does… and it will never turn out at all if you don’t take a chance).

As you find yourself facing these tough decisions, know that the dream may not take the form you had imagined (I went through this when we bought our current home – we had to let go of several along the way to land in one that wasn’t at all what I imagined it would be, and yet it’s perfect for what we wanted. You can read a bit about this idea in Softening Your Gaze on a Dream.)

Invitations come that seem like they are leading us down a particular path, when in reality they may only be there to open us up to something within us or to help us clarify a definite “no.” Just because you get invited to something does not mean it’s a sign from the Universe. The Universe will put many things in your path – you still get to choose whether to pick them up, move around them, or avoid them completely.

Also, please remember, very few decisions are forever. We can keep ourselves stuck thinking “this is the only shot I’ll get at this” or “I have to get this right because this is the last job, relationship, pet, car…” I will ever have. Relax...

Allow yourself permission to play with the next move that feels right in this moment. Might you lose some money or time on a decision if you change your mind later? Sure… but is that the end of the world? I have walked away from years of education and training, thousands of dollars invested in a path that isn’t right for me anymore. I have walked away from jobs I have put years of dedication into. I have left friendships that are no longer supportive. I have supported many others to do the same – to set themselves free in service of their soul. We grow. We evolve. We become the next iteration of ourselves. Every experience, every bit of life along the way has served in some way. Nothing is a waste. It’s all led to this moment in time which is leading to the next.

What choices are you facing that you’re having a hard time making? What opportunities are waiting?

Give yourself permission to play. To try, experiment, give it a chance if it’s calling you now. Give yourself permission to change your mind down the road if that’s what’s right then. None of us can see into the future. We can only do the best we can with what we have right here and now.

The “We Can Do Hard Things” podcast (with Glennon Doyle who got me started on this whole exploration of disappointing ourselves or others) just had a great episode on Quitting! Check it out. Fascinating the narratives we run about this word that can be used positively (as in quit smoking) or negatively (as in “You’re a quitter!”)! What stories do you tell yourself about quitting? Who would you be if you did?

Get curious about how gentle or harsh you are being with yourself as you consider these choices that keep you up at night and choose the gentler path. You deserve your own compassion as you navigate these uncharted waters.

What helps you to make a tough decision?

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Grace

11/8/2020

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I’ve been pondering “grace” as we move toward our Virtual Mini Retreat on the 11th, Finding Grace. I wonder if it may be slightly mis-named, as I think grace may be unfindable. Grace finds you.

What is grace? It is not those words we rotely recited at dinner as a child (or maybe, for you, it is).

You can witness it, experience it, feel it, but it seems to be beyond words. It’s not something you work at, but rather an ethereal quality that enters into both beautiful and troubling moments of life. There is an opening to grace, an allowing that happens.

Grace is present in the pre-dawn hours when a mother sits in the dark, gently rocking her sweet sleeping baby. Grace is present in the soft kiss on the brow of a dying loved one. Grace enters in and carries us in the moments we don’t lose it in the midst of rage and confusion – when instead we are able to stand steady and face whatever is here. When we are able to be clear, confident, and compassionate, even as our voice quakes and our whole being shakes.

Grace is a Divine presence that encircles us when we come together in times of fierce and gentle love. Grace holds us when we surrender and allow ourselves to be led. Grace is also present in the strong actions of protest against injustice and wrong-doing. When we find the courage to stand up and face our oppressor, and say “no more” in a clear and unwavering stance, grace surely stands by our side.

Grace is witnessed in the silent prancing of the deer, the smooth flight of the seagull, the head toss of a frolicking horse. In the breath-taking performance of a ballerina or a singer taken over by a mighty force from within. Those moments that leave you breathless. I think grace is present there.

So, how do we “find grace?” We quiet our minds. We slow down our busy selves. We open our hearts and our eyes to notice. We breathe softly. We listen deeply. We love fiercely.

Grace is in the magic of the rising and setting sun, the changing of the leaves to orange, yellow, and red, in the delicate uniqueness of the snowflake. Grace can be soft, and it can also be fierce.

Grace is in the miracle of lives spared in unimaginably treacherous situations. It is in the reuniting of lost loved ones. It is in the protection of the imprisoned as they find their way home. Grace finds us and opens us if we allow it.

Grace is in the language of the poet, the flow of the dance, the stroke of the artist’s brush, the gentleness of the breeze, and the reflection of the still pond.

For something that is beyond words, I’ve just found a lot… after all, grace is worthy of our curiosity, our exploration, our inquiry. Grace deserves to have us sit with her and feel her softness and her strength in the beating of our heart, the pulsing of our veins. Grace is a life force energy all its own.

We will not see it in the blustering of an enraged person or in one driven by fear or vengeance. Does grace exist in fear? I don’t know, but I do know it can glide in as a balm if we allow it.

Grace is admitting when the fight is over and walking away. Grace is embodied in acceptance, and it walks hand in hand with dignity. Grace is woven into the tapestry of healing and recovery. Grace is in the eyes of the one who can look beneath the surface, into the heart and soul of another, and see the essential goodness.

Grace is in extending compassion to those who have hurt you. It slips into the dark places of pain to say, “May I begin to forgive you in order to release my soul from the agony of so much anger, hatred, and blame.” Grace says, “I’m sorry. I was wrong. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Please forgive me.” Grace loves when it seems unreasonable, and grace also holds the boundary that says, I love me too, and this I cannot/will not endure any longer.

Grace will guide us when we ask to be led to it. In the quiet still moments, ask. What do you find? Invite it in. Let it hold you in troubling times. What do you feel? It is worthy of noticing.

For me, this simple exploration has softened me. It has slowed my entire being. It has calmed each cell in this body and soothed my racing mind.

Grace holds fiercely, but lightly, what she stands for. Grace is Divine. It cannot be defined, for words limit its boundlessness, but it can most certainly be felt and seen.

It is the sparkle in the darkest of times that whispers, “We will be ok. We will be ok. We are ok. We are stronger than we think, and we will get through, but not by kicking and screaming and forcing things to go away. We will be ok when we accept and allow, and show up to follow our guidance. We will be ok.”

Thoughts? I invite you to sit with the idea of grace. What comes up for you? Please share.

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Yes or No?

6/8/2019

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It’s not always easy to know where to direct our attention or spend our precious energy and time. We live in an abundant world of possibilities… which is great! Until it’s not…

I, for one, can easily overwhelm and over-commit myself to too many groups (easy to do these days given the easy access to so many online groups as well as in-person ones), too many programs (anyone else a victim to the bright, shiny object syndrome??), too many practices (I love to learn and I love things that enhance my life…what can I say?)… And then I find I have too many “things” for too few hours!

And so when I woke up finding myself feeling overwhelmed, weighed down, and uncertain where to even begin I noticed the familiar tendency to freeze and just not do anything at all… or to distract myself in brilliantly disguised ways, doing things that need to be done, but maybe not right now. Or by doing things that don’t need to get done at all! That social media rabbit hole is a favorite place for me to go at times like this. How about you? Where do you go when you don’t know where to begin?

In the past two weeks I’ve been to two workshops, and I’ve loved them both! They both involve practices that I would like to bring into my everyday life. And I’m just not sure where they are going to fit in. Something needs to give to open up space in my hours. I can feel the confinement of so many things bearing down on me. The things I want to do. The things I need to do. The things that are calling me. The things that are drawing me in. And the pressures of the places I think I should show up…

I started to sit down at my desk and just start something, and very quickly realized that I had no idea where to begin. That’s when it hit me that today my morning routine had gotten disrupted and I hadn’t yet meditated. This makes all the difference in the world for me, so I took myself to my seat and sat.

When you think you don't have time...
The irony is that the moments when I don’t think I have time, is exactly when I need to make the time for the practices that support and sustain me. Meditation is one for me. Taking the time to sit with myself, to be with my breath, quiets my mind and calms my nervous system, taking me out of the reactive mode to a clearer place of discernment. From there I really can begin taking on one thing at a time with a much clearer head. I can be more discerning. I can begin.

What works for you when you get overwhelmed? How do you decide what is a "yes, this is something I will do" rather than "no!" (at least not now). Please comment so that we can all take in some new ideas. Thanks! Here’s to wise discernment and a little less overwhelm!

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This Too Shall Pass...

3/19/2019

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What’s your reaction when you hear this message?

I’ve had very different responses, depending on my own state
of mind and what the current “this” is that I know will pass.

These words can bring comfort when I’m facing something difficult. But, they can also feel patronizing or dismissive if I’m deep
into nastiness and can’t even imagine seeing my way out!
Honestly, sometimes I just don’t want to hear it because I want
to wallow for a bit. Wallowing isn't necessarily bad.

The same message can also bring a sense of sadness when I’m
into something that I really am loving and I don’t want to ever
end. Who wants to have that dream vacation come to an end or
know that one day their time with the love of their life will come
to end?
(Check out “If We Were Vampires” by Jason Isbell if you want to have a good cry over this reality).

Nothing lasts forever.

But, in reality, these words speak the truth. Good news, bad news… nothing lasts forever! Even
if we want it to. We live in a temporary state of health and aliveness, and every now and then we
get those big reminders. Someone dies. Someone gets diagnosed. There’s a tragic
mass shooting. A house burns down. You get the idea…
And for a minute we recommit to the urgency of living our life full out!

And, then we forget and drift back into our old habits and ways, perhaps mindlessly going
through our days. Hours and days drift by and we don’t even know where they've gone or
what we've done.

Where there is breath there is possibility.

Where there is breath there is possibility. Where there is possibility there is hope. Where there
is hope there is life. How will you live yours?

What petty things can you let go of? Where can you find some surrender and acceptance?
What priorities deserve your attention?

If you were to embrace the idea that “this too shall pass” what would change for you?
Please share in the comments and let’s all step into this life, accepting this very real human truth
just a little bit more.

If you'd like to give yourself the gift of retreat to slow down in a space that fosters this type of
inner reflecgtion, please join me for one of my upcoming retreats. Our next opportunity is
this Saturday, March 23rd at the Mercy Spirituality Center in Rochester, NY - come and give
yourself A Time to Pause!

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Goodbye 2018. Hello New Year!

12/26/2018

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The new year is almost upon us – that magical time that comes once a year when the whole world seems to celebrate the turning of the calendar – this new beginning. A chance for a fresh start. And, while we know that every moment offers the chance for a fresh start, let’s ride this wave of collective energy and mindfully enter into 2019 with vision, intention, and hope.

Let’s look back on 2018 and carry its wisdom and strength with us as we distance ourselves from the things that wear us down, slow us down, or stop us from fully living our lives.

At this time of transition let’s reflect on the following questions. I invite you to try some journaling or free writing to allow the deep inner wisdom to emerge.

In the past year, what really made me feel alive? What stirred my passion? What lit my inner flame? What am I excited to remember?
What sorrows and losses did I experience this year?
What would I like to let go of as I step into 2019? Beliefs, stories, habits, people, things… ?
Who do I want to be in this new year? HOW do I want to be? Is there an energy or quality that I feel carrying me toward this year?
What do I hope to bring to life, to create, and to enjoy in 2019?
What am I no longer willing to do or be in 2019?
What is possible for me?

As you reflect on these questions, what supports do you want to put in place this year that will nourish and uplift you? Who would you like to have more time with? Less time with? Where are the places you long to go – places that fill your heart and soul? And, what else? What else arises for you as we gently say good-bye to 2018 and welcome ourselves into 2019 with love, compassion, curiosity, and tenderness?

Dear one, I wish for you all that you can imagine to be possible! And then some! Here’s to a sweet new year!!

If you are a mom who’s been impacted by your son’s or daughter’s addiction or other mental health conditions, I invite you to start the year with serenity. Join me and a small group of moms in Rochester, NY at the beautiful Mercy Spirituality Center January 11-13 as we take time to be nourished and nurtured, to connect with our inner wisdom and guidance, and gift ourselves with a foundation of self-care and self-compassion. Details and registration for Starting the Year with Serenity is here. Now through December 31st, save $50 off your registration by entering coupon code “holiday” simply for being part of this community. I would love for you to be part of this circle if this calls to you.

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Softening the Gaze on a Dream

6/23/2017

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Sometimes what we are very attached to as our “dream” house, mate, or job may be more of an imagined illusion than reality. We see and hear what we want to or we create a rich fantasy story around what things will be like with this person, place or role.

We become attached to it, holding on for dear life, grasping what we want to be true. We move forward with blinders that block even the largest of red flags. And, we tell ourselves, over and over, This is the one! I know it! I can feel it!! And, sometimes we entrench ourselves so deeply that it’s hard to find our way out again.

Evidence may even mount that it might be time to reconsider, but we are so married to our idealized view that we can’t (or won’t) let go.

This is really fresh for me right now. Ever since I was a young girl, spending summers on a lake at our family cottage, I have wanted badly (desperately even) to live on a lake. My heart has never let go of this dream, even though most of me has never really believed it could happen.

A month ago I got a hit that it was time to make this move. My husband was immediately on board, and off we went… searching many lakes within a couple hour radius, spending way too many hours online scouring listings, driving hundreds of miles and seeing a lot of junk!

Then we found It (with a capital I!)! And, even though we kept on looking, we kept returning to It. It was unique and charming, and had everything we wanted (minus a few hundred square feet, but we decided we could manage a major downsize at this time). We visited several times and began making plans for our life in this new idyllic lake house. We began purging and cleaning like crazy to get our house ready to sell, and most of our life took a backseat to this venture. We willingly and eagerly poured in most of our time and energy to moving. And, we were excited – so excited to begin this new chapter of our life where we imagined peace, serenity, creativity, and community… We were deeply enmeshed.

Then came the inspection. We expected it to be a formality that would simply move us onto the next phase toward living here. We were even inclined to dismiss some of the findings in favor of the fantasy. But, thankfully, my inner guidance woke me up at 4:30 the next morning and smacked me between the eyes! HEAT! Heat is kind of a big deal here in Western New York!! The inspector had said in multiple ways, that for a variety of reasons we might be cold (as might our pipes)…

The dream came crashing in. First came terror. What had we gotten ourselves into, and what do we do when we’re this far into the process?? Secondly, over a period of time, the sadness and grief of loss for this envisioned future seeped in and hit me so hard that it was almost paralyzing. Everything had been wrapped up in this dream.

Thank goodness my husband and I each have ways to ground ourselves and clear our heads. Letting ourselves be willing to see the truth of the situation allowed us to provide a thoughtful response about the work needed for us to feel comfortable moving forward. We still wanted the house if it could be fixed up the way we had envisioned it to be, though we knew our request was unlikely to be met.

So began the process of letting go of the dream.

When we let go of dreams, overwhelm and disappointment can come rushing in. It is easy to wonder if we have to let go of the whole dream altogether. This happened for me, but thankfully, I’ve realized that the dream itself is not lost. It was just this version of the dream that no longer fit.

The essence of the dream is still there, and now it’s time to move on to find the right package for it.

To do that, we need to tap into the core of the dream. For me, it is the feeling that comes from imagining life on the water that pulls me forward, even when things seem impossibly frustrating.

So, whether it’s a job, a house, or a relationship, sometimes it’s a good thing to have a firm reality check. Is this really what I think it is? Or, do I just wish that it were? When the veil of illusion is lifted, we become free to move forward again. Perhaps toward a better fit.

It may feel like a screeching, twisting, fast-paced roller coaster ride that all of a sudden slams to a halt, and we want to let out a blood curdling shriek! However, it’s better to know now than in January when the fantasy vanishes and your pipes freeze and break. Or 5 years into the job or relationship and your heart breaks.

When we soften our gaze on our dream, we can see it for what it really is rather than being fixated on obtaining it no matter what. We can tune into the qualities we are seeking and look around for them, rather than going after this particular thing like a cat in full body tension, ready to pounce on its prey. This isn’t about survival, after all. It is about finding what will be deeply nourishing. Only from a place of discernment without grasping or clinging can we discover what that might be.

What dream is calling you? Are you able to tune into the seed of that dream or are you being pulled off course by some imagined “it?”

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Revival!

Many & Mixed Emotions

Life, Death, and Rebirth

What Does it Mean to "Fill Your Own Cup?"

Making Tough Choices

Grace

Yes or No?

This Too Shall Pass...

Goodbye 2018. Hello New Year!

Softening the Gaze on a Dream

About me...

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