Category: Letting Go

Yes or No?

6/8/2019

It’s not always easy to know where to direct our attention or spend our precious energy and time. We live in an abundant world of possibilities… which is great! Until it’s not…

I, for one, can easily overwhelm and over-commit myself to too many groups (easy to do these days given the easy access to so many online groups as well as in-person ones), too many programs (anyone else a victim to the bright, shiny object syndrome??), too many practices (I love to learn and I love things that enhance my life…what can I say?)… And then I find I have too many “things” for too few hours!

And so when I woke up finding myself feeling overwhelmed, weighed down, and uncertain where to even begin I noticed the familiar tendency to freeze and just not do anything at all… or to distract myself in brilliantly disguised ways, doing things that need to be done, but maybe not right now. Or by doing things that don’t need to get done at all! That social media rabbit hole is a favorite place for me to go at times like this. How about you? Where do you go when you don’t know where to begin?

In the past two weeks I’ve been to two workshops, and I’ve loved them both! They both involve practices that I would like to bring into my everyday life. And I’m just not sure where they are going to fit in. Something needs to give to open up space in my hours. I can feel the confinement of so many things bearing down on me. The things I want to do. The things I need to do. The things that are calling me. The things that are drawing me in. And the pressures of the places I think I should show up…

I started to sit down at my desk and just start something, and very quickly realized that I had no idea where to begin. That’s when it hit me that today my morning routine had gotten disrupted and I hadn’t yet meditated. This makes all the difference in the world for me, so I took myself to my seat and sat.

When you think you don't have time...
The irony is that the moments when I don’t think I have time, is exactly when I need to make the time for the practices that support and sustain me. Meditation is one for me. Taking the time to sit with myself, to be with my breath, quiets my mind and calms my nervous system, taking me out of the reactive mode to a clearer place of discernment. From there I really can begin taking on one thing at a time with a much clearer head. I can be more discerning. I can begin.

What works for you when you get overwhelmed? How do you decide what is a "yes, this is something I will do" rather than "no!" (at least not now). Please comment so that we can all take in some new ideas. Thanks! Here’s to wise discernment and a little less overwhelm!

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This Too Shall Pass...

3/19/2019

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What’s your reaction when you hear this message?

I’ve had very different responses, depending on my own state
of mind and what the current “this” is that I know will pass.

These words can bring comfort when I’m facing something difficult. But, they can also feel patronizing or dismissive if I’m deep
into nastiness and can’t even imagine seeing my way out!
Honestly, sometimes I just don’t want to hear it because I want
to wallow for a bit. Wallowing isn't necessarily bad.

The same message can also bring a sense of sadness when I’m
into something that I really am loving and I don’t want to ever
end. Who wants to have that dream vacation come to an end or
know that one day their time with the love of their life will come
to end?
(Check out “If We Were Vampires” by Jason Isbell if you want to have a good cry over this reality).

Nothing lasts forever.

But, in reality, these words speak the truth. Good news, bad news… nothing lasts forever! Even
if we want it to. We live in a temporary state of health and aliveness, and every now and then we
get those big reminders. Someone dies. Someone gets diagnosed. There’s a tragic
mass shooting. A house burns down. You get the idea…
And for a minute we recommit to the urgency of living our life full out!

And, then we forget and drift back into our old habits and ways, perhaps mindlessly going
through our days. Hours and days drift by and we don’t even know where they've gone or
what we've done.

Where there is breath there is possibility.

Where there is breath there is possibility. Where there is possibility there is hope. Where there
is hope there is life. How will you live yours?

What petty things can you let go of? Where can you find some surrender and acceptance?
What priorities deserve your attention?

If you were to embrace the idea that “this too shall pass” what would change for you?
Please share in the comments and let’s all step into this life, accepting this very real human truth
just a little bit more.

If you'd like to give yourself the gift of retreat to slow down in a space that fosters this type of
inner reflecgtion, please join me for one of my upcoming retreats. Our next opportunity is
this Saturday, March 23rd at the Mercy Spirituality Center in Rochester, NY - come and give
yourself A Time to Pause!

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Goodbye 2018. Hello New Year!

12/26/2018

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The new year is almost upon us – that magical time that comes once a year when the whole world seems to celebrate the turning of the calendar – this new beginning. A chance for a fresh start. And, while we know that every moment offers the chance for a fresh start, let’s ride this wave of collective energy and mindfully enter into 2019 with vision, intention, and hope.

Let’s look back on 2018 and carry its wisdom and strength with us as we distance ourselves from the things that wear us down, slow us down, or stop us from fully living our lives.

At this time of transition let’s reflect on the following questions. I invite you to try some journaling or free writing to allow the deep inner wisdom to emerge.

In the past year, what really made me feel alive? What stirred my passion? What lit my inner flame? What am I excited to remember?
What sorrows and losses did I experience this year?
What would I like to let go of as I step into 2019? Beliefs, stories, habits, people, things… ?
Who do I want to be in this new year? HOW do I want to be? Is there an energy or quality that I feel carrying me toward this year?
What do I hope to bring to life, to create, and to enjoy in 2019?
What am I no longer willing to do or be in 2019?
What is possible for me?

As you reflect on these questions, what supports do you want to put in place this year that will nourish and uplift you? Who would you like to have more time with? Less time with? Where are the places you long to go – places that fill your heart and soul? And, what else? What else arises for you as we gently say good-bye to 2018 and welcome ourselves into 2019 with love, compassion, curiosity, and tenderness?

Dear one, I wish for you all that you can imagine to be possible! And then some! Here’s to a sweet new year!!

If you are a mom who’s been impacted by your son’s or daughter’s addiction or other mental health conditions, I invite you to start the year with serenity. Join me and a small group of moms in Rochester, NY at the beautiful Mercy Spirituality Center January 11-13 as we take time to be nourished and nurtured, to connect with our inner wisdom and guidance, and gift ourselves with a foundation of self-care and self-compassion. Details and registration for Starting the Year with Serenity is here. Now through December 31st, save $50 off your registration by entering coupon code “holiday” simply for being part of this community. I would love for you to be part of this circle if this calls to you.

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Softening the Gaze on a Dream

6/23/2017

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Sometimes what we are very attached to as our “dream” house, mate, or job may be more of an imagined illusion than reality. We see and hear what we want to or we create a rich fantasy story around what things will be like with this person, place or role.

We become attached to it, holding on for dear life, grasping what we want to be true. We move forward with blinders that block even the largest of red flags. And, we tell ourselves, over and over, This is the one! I know it! I can feel it!! And, sometimes we entrench ourselves so deeply that it’s hard to find our way out again.

Evidence may even mount that it might be time to reconsider, but we are so married to our idealized view that we can’t (or won’t) let go.

This is really fresh for me right now. Ever since I was a young girl, spending summers on a lake at our family cottage, I have wanted badly (desperately even) to live on a lake. My heart has never let go of this dream, even though most of me has never really believed it could happen.

A month ago I got a hit that it was time to make this move. My husband was immediately on board, and off we went… searching many lakes within a couple hour radius, spending way too many hours online scouring listings, driving hundreds of miles and seeing a lot of junk!

Then we found It (with a capital I!)! And, even though we kept on looking, we kept returning to It. It was unique and charming, and had everything we wanted (minus a few hundred square feet, but we decided we could manage a major downsize at this time). We visited several times and began making plans for our life in this new idyllic lake house. We began purging and cleaning like crazy to get our house ready to sell, and most of our life took a backseat to this venture. We willingly and eagerly poured in most of our time and energy to moving. And, we were excited – so excited to begin this new chapter of our life where we imagined peace, serenity, creativity, and community… We were deeply enmeshed.

Then came the inspection. We expected it to be a formality that would simply move us onto the next phase toward living here. We were even inclined to dismiss some of the findings in favor of the fantasy. But, thankfully, my inner guidance woke me up at 4:30 the next morning and smacked me between the eyes! HEAT! Heat is kind of a big deal here in Western New York!! The inspector had said in multiple ways, that for a variety of reasons we might be cold (as might our pipes)…

The dream came crashing in. First came terror. What had we gotten ourselves into, and what do we do when we’re this far into the process?? Secondly, over a period of time, the sadness and grief of loss for this envisioned future seeped in and hit me so hard that it was almost paralyzing. Everything had been wrapped up in this dream.

Thank goodness my husband and I each have ways to ground ourselves and clear our heads. Letting ourselves be willing to see the truth of the situation allowed us to provide a thoughtful response about the work needed for us to feel comfortable moving forward. We still wanted the house if it could be fixed up the way we had envisioned it to be, though we knew our request was unlikely to be met.

So began the process of letting go of the dream.

When we let go of dreams, overwhelm and disappointment can come rushing in. It is easy to wonder if we have to let go of the whole dream altogether. This happened for me, but thankfully, I’ve realized that the dream itself is not lost. It was just this version of the dream that no longer fit.

The essence of the dream is still there, and now it’s time to move on to find the right package for it.

To do that, we need to tap into the core of the dream. For me, it is the feeling that comes from imagining life on the water that pulls me forward, even when things seem impossibly frustrating.

So, whether it’s a job, a house, or a relationship, sometimes it’s a good thing to have a firm reality check. Is this really what I think it is? Or, do I just wish that it were? When the veil of illusion is lifted, we become free to move forward again. Perhaps toward a better fit.

It may feel like a screeching, twisting, fast-paced roller coaster ride that all of a sudden slams to a halt, and we want to let out a blood curdling shriek! However, it’s better to know now than in January when the fantasy vanishes and your pipes freeze and break. Or 5 years into the job or relationship and your heart breaks.

When we soften our gaze on our dream, we can see it for what it really is rather than being fixated on obtaining it no matter what. We can tune into the qualities we are seeking and look around for them, rather than going after this particular thing like a cat in full body tension, ready to pounce on its prey. This isn’t about survival, after all. It is about finding what will be deeply nourishing. Only from a place of discernment without grasping or clinging can we discover what that might be.

What dream is calling you? Are you able to tune into the seed of that dream or are you being pulled off course by some imagined “it?”

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About me...

I am a writer, coach, and teacher, and I love capturing life's many moments through writing, whether that be journalling, blogging, poetry, or essay. I have always found the written word as a natural way for me to express what lies within.

This is the space where we get real. I will write about my life experiences and things that I find my clients encounter in their daily lives.

What's real for you? What would you like me to write about? Feel free to share with me topics you would like to see discussed and please join in the dialogue through the comment section. Your engagement makes the blog a much richer place to hang out!

Thank you for joining me on this journey!!

Yes or No?

This Too Shall Pass...

Goodbye 2018. Hello New Year!

Softening the Gaze on a Dream

About me...

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