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Losing Yourself and Coming Home Again

3/21/2023

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PicturePhoto by Renee Veniskey - https://immaginephoto.com
You may have heard me use the phrase “coming home to yourself,” in part because it’s what clients have said they’ve felt after coaching or retreating with me.  But what does it mean and why is it so important? 
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To me it means getting solid in the core of who you are.  Knowing yourself - your likes and dislikes, your desires, and your needs - so that you can honor them.  It sounds simple, yet it seems there’s a disconnect that happens over time that takes us away from the core of who we are. 

This disconnect happens for a lot of reasons.  As children and young adults, we take in messages from others about who they think we are or who we’re supposed to be; parents, teachers, friends, coaches see something in us and push us in a certain direction.  On the flip side, there are parts of us we’re encouraged to hide away - we’re too sensitive, too talkative, too energetic, too quiet, too eccentric, etc.  We begin to show up as a mix of who we really are, who we think we’re supposed to be, while erasing parts of us that don’t feel lovable or welcome. 

As we get older, our roles as spouse or parent add to the confusion.  We’re just Nicky’s mom or Joe’s wife.  Our career defines us and may box us in with its labels.  Societal ideas tell us what’s acceptable behavior (e.g., no crying in the workplace).  Over time, parts of our true self get covered over, whittled away, or buried. 

Intense relationships or situations, like loving someone with a mental health condition, facing a scary diagnosis, or caring for a parent with dementia, may consume us and portray the entirety of who we are.  We forget or lose touch with who we are beyond this one (huge) aspect of life.  We forget the person we once were and we let go of the dreams and passions that once called to us.  Perhaps they feel irrelevant in the urgency of crisis after crisis or they feel impractical given everything else on your plate.  Understandable. 

Without the time and space to step away and gain perspective on these aspects of life, it’s easy to continue on autopilot.  In our new norm, we become defined and absorbed by this identity.  Or we’re simply sleep-walking through our days with no real sense of self at all, responding to the needs and demands of others, while ours vanish into the ethers. 

I’ve found contemplative, reflective time and space are the foundation for one’s return to self.  Time for quiet, to sit with ourselves without the interruption of other voices, time to journal or meditate.  Time to commune with trees and birds.  Time to slow down and soften into the flow of our natural rhythm.  Time to catch our breath and then breathe fully on a regular basis.  This time, this space is a rare gift.  It is the essential container for coming back into alignment with true self.  It allows us to open to the quiet loving voice within.

How retreats play in:

The richness of this kind of time and space is one of the reasons I value retreats.  I know they are so much more than simply a nice weekend getaway.  Retreats are a vital opportunity to refill, refuel, and reconnect.  They offer the chance to ask great questions while allowing the answers to come.  They provide space to try new things and new ways of being as you get to know yourself more intimately.  They create a container as well as a spaciousness for inner inquiry, exploration, and discovery so that we can feel clarity and strength grow within us.  Retreats allow us to be in community with others on a similar quest, sharing practices like yoga, meditation, contemplation, and reflection.  Almost always they also offer a chance to immerse ourselves in nature’s beauty and grounding, to be held by the trees and the land as we feel our place in the greater scheme of life along with our own smallness. 

These past few months have been filled with intensity and crisis upon crisis, both personally and on a global scale.  I’ve had to pull back from work I love as I found myself with little to no energy for anything beyond the basics.  I felt myself going into a dark cocoon to dissolve into goo before coming through the other side.  In the darkness, I felt myself disappearing, not at all sure when I would re-emerge.  I am grateful to feel the re-emergence happening now, slowly, one baby step at a time. 

I am grateful for what is being left behind in the shell of the cocoon.  I am grateful for the clarity of what no longer fits in this chapter of my life.  And I am struck to see how the work I’ve done over the years to build a strong inner core connection has held me, even when I didn’t feel it in the moment.  Feeling the foundation that’s allowed me to move through these deeply disruptive and triggering events, I see that they have moved through me as well. Sitting in the darkness, I have let myself feel everything from nothingness to fear to anger and disappointment.  I have been taken down and out temporarily, but not for good.  I am emerging, not into certainty of what will happen in my life, but with a stronger sense of certainty of who I am as a woman in the world right now. 

This period of losing myself in other people’s emergencies and urgencies and feeling the slow return has illuminated my desire to prepare and plan this July’s Come Home to Yourself Retreat.  Its significance fills me and pulls me. I am grateful to be able to invite other women into this spacious retreat as an opportunity to connect more deeply with their own hearts and souls, to hear the wisdom that springs from within in the space and stillness, when we are inclined to listen. Summer gifts us 16 hours of daylight each day!  Imagine what is possible in that vast opening!   Light on the Hill offers a stunning space to immerse in nature,  with floor to ceiling windows and skylights that all but plop us into the middle of the valley, sun streaming in, bathing us in her glow.  This season in the Finger Lakes calls us to lie in the grass, to walk through the trees, to gaze at the clouds, to stop in the middle of what can be a fun and busy season to slow down and go within.  It gives us a chance to integrate the lessons life has brought our way as we simultaneously open to what lies ahead, to what is emerging, and to who we want to be.  This retreat is a gift to me and to all who will gather and co-create it along with me and our yoga goddess, Carol Moon. 

A special offer for you: 

For you and your loved ones, for being part of this community, I am offering a special gift through March 31st - you can take an additional $50 off the early bird rate ($150 off standard rate) as my gift to you by using coupon code MARCH when you check out.  That’s $625 for 3 nights and 4 days of private room accommodations in a gorgeous setting, delicious, lovingly prepared vegetarian meals, as well as all retreat offerings (including yoga, meditation, journaling, campfires plus lots and lots of space and time to follow your heart and soul!).  I hope you will consider joining us for what will surely be a magical time.  All the details and registration are here.  

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Learning in the Tough Times

1/25/2023

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On a recent visit with my son in the hospital, taking in how serious things were, I did not hide my concern. It showed in the frown on my face and in the tears just waiting to be released. I held his hand and gazed at him…

He didn’t want to talk much about it, because he gets tired of so much focus on him and it.  So, he asked me, “How are you?”  “Concerned,” I answered, not wanting to dodge the seriousness of this time. 

“But, how are YOU?”  he pressed. OK, I'll play.  How AM I? 

It’s a great question, because of course how he is affects how I am, AND it’s not the whole of me.  It’s not my only answer.  At times (and these crises are some of those times), I am more consumed with him and his life than I’d like to be.  It can overshadow my life and take up most of my energy.  At times.  But not all the time. This reminds me of a piece I wrote years ago, “Can You Be OK Even When “Things” Aren’t?” 

So, I appreciated his invitation to reflect on myself.  To check in… I don’t know.  How am I?  How’s my body, mind, heart and soul?  It reminded me where I end and he begins.  I don’t have to morph into his (or anyone else’s) reality.  I get to have my own experience of life.  In this moment, we’re both ok.  That’s all I really know along with knowing I have no idea how long that will last. 

Since then, I’ve noticed how quickly my answer to this question changes.  Within any given 24 hours, my reality is vastly different from moment to moment.  Life moves and shifts and morphs constantly, and it’s up to me whether I keep myself stuck in any given place for longer than I need.  Sometimes when things come at us fast and furious, piling up one after the other, it doesn’t feel like a choice.  And maybe it isn’t in those times.  Maybe then all we can do is get through, somehow, to the other side. 

This morning as I write and consider this simple yet complex question of how I am, I’ll say, I’m tired.  I didn’t sleep well because I was too busy beating myself up for a good bit of the last 18 hours.  My stomach feels queasy.  My head aches because my brain has been way to busy mulling over, and over, and over the events I got myself caught up in yesterday.  I’m pissed at myself for ignoring (no, steam-rollering over) my intuition and gut as they screamed at me, “This isn’t right.  It makes no sense.”  I did it anyway. 

The “what” in this case has nothing to do with my son.  What it is isn’t important - let’s just say it’s one of those things that causes me to feel so many things… all bundled up in a big old ball of shame, embarrassment (I definitely should have known better), and self-flagellation.  Mired in the shitty shame spiral. 

I’m working to move through it.  What’s done is done.  I’ve done what I can to clean up the mess and try to prevent any further problems.  Turning toward what I did and taking responsibility was definitely step one.  It’s still bugging me.  I find I need to keep on talking myself through this.  Reminding myself.  That’s over.  You’ve done what you can, and now you just need to wait and see how it plays out.  There’s nothing more to do right now.  You, as much as anyone else, deserves your kindness and forgiveness.  Last night I offered myself a loving kindness blessing for peace, happiness, safety, health, and ease.  Then I inhaled “breathe in sleep” and exhaled “breathe out stress…” I guess it worked, at least for awhile - until I woke up again too early and my mind kicked into its incessant spin. 

This thing I did robbed me of too much time and energy yesterday.  I really don’t want it to continue weighing me down and interfering with things I need to and want to do.  I didn’t even do the dishes last night after being on a 100% roll for the past week.  When things like that start to slip, I know I’m in too deep to some kind of something that I need to get out of.  And I know that I’m the only one who can set me free.   

Why is it so hard to be kind, compassionate, and forgiving with ourselves?  Why do we latch onto these things that we’ve done wrong, tempted to have them forever define us as “a terrible person” or someone who never gets anything right?  Why do I have these struggles? I don’t know if you do or not! 

Today I get to choose.  Do I keep spinning and swimming in the muck, or do I continue to notice the bad feeling when it rises back up and move forward anyway?  I am choosing - to journal as a way to process all of this, to take a bath and try to imagine this ick washing down the drain, to sing some supportive songs, to go for a walk with my husband and talk about other things, to get on Zoom and write with my co-writing friends. I choose time to practice Tai Chi for Recovery with the amazing, Theresa Knorr - it's a great time to accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can!  Also, Tai Chi always helps me move emotions and energy and helps me to get grounded!  These choices are acts of self-kindness and self-compassion.  They let me know that I am going to show up for myself even when I am really not happy with me.  I don’t need to pile on punishment.  It really doesn’t help in any way.   
 

I choose to reassure my sister, who was deeper in the muck than I was, and encourage her to not let it steal any more of her joy either.  We’re human.  We make mistakes.  It was a big one.  But, no one died.  It’s fixable. And, at the same time, as I talk it through with her trying to help clean up more of the mess, I'm shaking.  The shock is still living inside my body.  We've beeen shaken by this scam... and it's hard to trust anyone or anything right now.  It feels like danger is lurking around every corner.  

What I’ve learned from all of this:

 #1 Do NOT override that inner knowing for anyone’s outside voice, no matter how much they plead.  Do not. 

#2 Slow things down and think it through before I act.  Talk it through with someone I trust if I’m not sure. 

#3 Do not get caught up in the seeming urgency of anything.  Unless there’s blood, fire, or someone is turning blue, there are few things that require immediate action - especially if they don’t make sense. 

#4 Do not act in a state of confusion.  Pause.  Walk away.  Breathe (we need that oxygen for intelligent thinking!).  Regroup.  Reground.  Come back and choose from a grounded place.  Will I still make mistakes or get things wrong?  Of course!  But, probably not in things like this. 

#5 When I F up, face it, deal with it, forgive myself (or at least consider forgiving myself), and move on.  Don’t let it continue to burden me unnecessarily for longer than needed. 

#6 Be kind to myself in all of this.  What would I say to someone I love who’s in my shoes right now?  Offer that same grace, gentleness, and compassion to me.  Remember my messy humanness, my predictable imperfection. 

#7 Let myself move through it, get over it.  It’s just one (very problematic and annoying) moment in the grand scheme of this life.  Look at all I’ve gotten through in the past.  I can get through this too.  In many ways, this is nothing! It will be ok.  Somehow it will be ok. 

#8 Remember how quickly things change.  Internally and externally.  This too will pass.  It’s passing even now, if I let it. 

#9 Call in Enchantment… ask her what more she has to offer me right now.  Here’s what she had to say, “Oh, baby girl, you can bring in gentleness, kindness, and care - always.  When you fall into beating yourself up, stop. Remember that.  Don’t let it spiral into 1500 things you’ve done wrong or let it make you a globally terrible person.  Just own the mistake, name the shame, regret, and anger you feel.  Let it move through you.  You don’t have to continue to carry it or let it darken one more moment.  Let it go.  Move on.  I love you. 

So, I ask you… How are YOU?  How do you deal with these moments in your life?  Or am I the only one who knows what I’m talking about?  If so, thanks for indulging me!  If not, I would love to hear how you get yourself through these tough times.  

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Love IS Tough!

8/1/2022

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PictureImage by Pexels from Pixabay
Whether it’s love for a child, partner, family member, friend, or ourselves.  Staying IN relationship is almost always harder than walking away.  Being willing to have the tough conversations, to admit our hurt or misunderstanding, to ask “what happened?  What did you experience?” and share what’s going on for us, however imperfectly the words might fall out of your mouth. 

Personally, I almost always bumble my words in real time.  They don’t come out nearly as coherently or smoothly as they sounded in my head when I am face to face with this person with whom I’m having some kind of struggle.  I didn’t grow up learning how to express my anger or hurt or how to ask for what I need. 

I grew up hiding from conflict, avoiding it like the plague.  Love and anger did not compute – in my mind they negated one another.  I couldn’t be angry with someone I loved.  If they were angry with me, that must mean our relationship is over.  Anger has always been a little scary for me – mine as well as others.  The silent treatment riles me up - I sometimes provoke just to get some kind of interaction going, even if it isn’t pretty. 

Love, my friends, is tough.  It’s so much easier (in some ways) to ice someone out, cut them off, be “done” with them.  Walk away and stop trying to mend what’s been damaged or heal the hurt. 
It takes effort to be willing to muddle through a conversation when both of you are hurting and/or upset.  As we learn to take good care of ourselves it can be hard to figure out how to do that AND stay in relationship, honoring that we both have needs and at times those needs might be in conflict. 
It takes learning new ways to wait and new ways to communicate in order to reconnect after there’s been a mishap.  It’s painful.  It’s often ugly, and may involve some tissues, some big sighs, some exasperated gestures or voices.  It’s tricky to stay out of defensive posture, hear the other person, while also sharing our thoughts and feelings. 

Self-compassion is also critical, as I tend to beat myself up, imagining what a terrible person I must be if this person I love is so upset.  I hate hurting people and would far rather blame myself than someone I love.  Self-love can be tough. 

If we are wise, we allow time and space for each person to think things through, to look at our own stuff, to feel what’s bubbling within us, before we try to come together.  However, in the silence, alone with our thoughts, we conjure up stories that may be far worse than what’s really going on.  Someone avoids us or doesn’t take our calls, and we give it all sorts of meanings.  How quickly we go from sadness and hurt to fear to “F@#& you!” depends on our own personal boiling point or how often we’ve been abandoned before. 

I do not believe in “tough love” as too often prescribed for families and friends of loved ones who struggle with mental health issues like substance use, eating disorders, or other problematic behaviors.  No, I don’t.  These people are already hurting and misunderstood enough.  Trust me, they pile onto their own suffering and adding to it is not going to help them heal or change.  Just, no. 

But I do know love is tough.  Hanging in there in a way that works for you as well as the other person is tough.  We fall in love with our babies and our partners so easily, we may not grasp the reality of the work and care required to stay in relationship with these people as we all grow and change. 

I am discovering the gift in the relationships that require extensive work.  Each time we make it through another round or problem, we deepen our connection.  We add to the evidence that we will last.  We learn to trust the relationship, and we remember (at least for a minute) not to take it or this person for granted. 

Love is tough.  It requires a willingness to be clumsy, a commitment to be honest, an ability to show up and speak up, even when it’s uncomfortable.  The ability to take a risk because the relationship matters.  It requires that we show up fully and authentically – not pretending that all is ok until we somehow get beyond whatever happened.  True friendships and deep relationships require honesty and for each of us to be true to ourselves.  I am not interested in superficial connections.  I want to dive deep with my people.  Diving deep is going to get messy at times. 

It's tough.  And in the end, it is so worth it.  As we grow together, we learn more about one another. If I can begin to look at you and really know and accept that your behaviors make sense (based on your history, your personality, your style, your way of thinking and being), I can more easily accept you and make room for our differences. I can appreciate that we are not the same, and that’s ok.  Hopefully you will learn a bit about my wounds, my triggers, my reactions, and my messed-up thinking as we talk things out.  We will both realize that everyone acts like an ass at times… including me and including you. 

I don’t have to take it all on.  Relationships are made up of people.  Whatever is going on here, we’ve created it together.  We may not have meant to – things are often not personal or intentional, but here we are. 

How do we find our way back to the surface to begin again? Together.  One moment and one breath at a time.  Through reaching out and asking or inviting a conversation.  Through allowing space and time for that green light moment to reveal itself.  Through finding “our way,” which may not be entirely yours or entirely mine.  Getting beyond a need to blame or punish – ourself or the other.  Remembering our heart connection and coming with deep compassion and an open heart so that we can reconnect. 

Love is tough.   It’s not always sunshine and rainbows.  It requires deep vulnerability, the courage to say “I am sorry. I was wrong.  I wish that hadn’t happened.  I don’t ever want to hurt you" (but I likely will if you stick around long enough, because, hey… I’m human and so are you). 

Love is not always laughter and joy, even when we think it should be.  Life is always happening, and in the end, love is tough...so it endures.  Love is the way.   

**PLEASE NOTE: Not all relationships are healthy or worth fighting for - if you are being abused in any way, please get the help and support you need to take care of yourself and keep yourself safe.**

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Feeling Blah...

7/13/2022

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I don’t know about you, but I seem to cycle through phases of feeling energized, very on purpose, in flow, and then dropping into “What is the point of it all? Why do we do what we do?  What is my purpose?  Do I even have a purpose, or is this all for nothing?  Who am I?” 

It’s pretty unsettling and disorienting in the floundering times that hold such big, heavy questions.  I think it’s pretty natural.  My counselor says it’s ok, so that reassures me.  There will be times of feeling blah, needing to turn inward, to shut out the world, to give more to myself than to others.  It’s called nourishment, nurturing, true self care, and it’s vital to our sustainability as humans. 

The world is a lot right now.   Whatever might be going on personally, we each need to add multipliers to it that are weighing on us, consciously or not.  The pandemic goes on, the debate about the pandemic goes on, injustice, violence, discrimination, threats to life and liberty are everywhere.  Maybe the world is always a lot.  I’m feeling the accumulation of it pretty heavily right now, along with the collective weight of years of personal stuff. 

So, there’s been a bit of blah lately.  Not a lot of energy or motivation.  A strong desire to pull in, to slow down, to quiet down, to say “no” and to not be too available to others.  The clarity is strong, and the good news is I’m listening despite the inner struggle that wonders if that’s really ok or if I’m at risk of becoming a hermit. 

I teeter between telling myself it’s ok and wondering if that’s really true.  Mostly, I’m leaning into only doing what I want, what feels doable and reasonable given my current bandwidth, letting go of, or rescheduling non-essentials, releasing things that feel like more hassle than they’re worth.  As I write this it feels like a pretty healthy approach.  It just seems that I need this more and more these days, years, months.  Didn’t I just give myself a little sabbatical last year?  I did.  And this year. 

And now I need one again in the form I am able to create it – I will gladly see my clients, I will co-facilitate my group, I will continue to write… and I will put off things that do not call to me or do not need to happen.  I will cancel memberships to groups I don’t participate in – I feel the low-level pressure when I’m not being honest with myself. 

I showed up for yoga class on Sunday and thankfully the theme was tuning into and trusting our inner guidance.  Love when that happens!  So, as I practiced, I took a few notes. 

Here’s what I took away – what I was reminded of:
  1. We all have inner wisdom, inner guidance, inner authority. 
  2. When we are depleted, overwhelmed, stressed, or in crisis or survival mode, we lose touch with it.
  3. To connect with it we need to be willing to feel.  This may be why we over-busy ourselves or find other ways to numb or distract ourselves.  It can be uncomfortable to feel what our inner wisdom is telling us.
  4. Escaping, distracting, and numbing take us away from our natural connection with our inner knowing.  Work, alcohol, substances, food, activities, social media, our devices, and over-giving to others serve this purpose.  This purpose of protecting us from the discomfort. 
  5. Integrity comes from living in alignment with our inner knowing and guidance. 
  6. Slowing down, coming into breath and body helps.  Quieting down.  Connecting to something larger than ourselves through prayer, meditation, or getting out in nature helps.  Opening up space, breathing room allows us to hear and see more clearly. 
  7. There are going to be these moments when we feel unsure.  When we feel like we are flailing, lost, and confused.  Times when we release the last version of ourselves and our lives to step into what’s next.  In between steps there is often a pause – a time to cocoon in order to transform.  It’s not always pretty or comfortable.  It’s worth going there anyway. 
  8. To fully experience the richness of this human life, we need to be willing to feel it all and to be with ourselves in these moments of not knowing, of discomfort, of questioning.  When we can be with ourselves in these times, come home to our heart and soul for guidance, we allow ourselves to grow and become.  It isn’t flashy or pretty until it is.  Think caterpillar to goo to beautiful butterfly.  We too are like this.  We just need to give ourselves permission to go into the darkness, to huddle up, to rest, to integrate, to release any need to perform or prove as we become. 
The vastness of the ocean, the immensity of a redwood, the expansiveness of a canyon can take us away and beyond our own smallness to help us connect with the sense that something larger is at play.  In these spaces we can feel both our own insignificance and our interconnection to all things on earth.  We can find our belonging within the Universe and believe somehow that even when we can’t see it, there is a reason we are here. We do matter.  We can remember that we are not alone.  We matter.  We are needed.  Our voice, our ideas, our creations… unlike any other. 

Whenever you find yourself doubting that, I invite and encourage you to listen to Brandi Carlile and Alicia Keys sing “A Beautiful Noise.”  Something in this song wakes me, shakes me, and reminds me to hold on even when I’m not sure where I’m going.  It pulls me back to trust that the way will become clear (or at least clearer).  It reminds me that I have a voice.  I have unique stories to tell, perspectives to share, lessons to teach, invitations to offer, and gifts to give.  So do you.  Each one of us does. 

How are you doing these days?  Where is your inner guidance leading you?  Talking with a wise woman the other day she aptly noted, “I think people are fried.”  I think she’s right.  If you’re feeling fried right now, how do you recharge?  How do you reconnect with your inner wisdom and guidance?  What works for you?  Please share with us so that we can add to our own ideas.  In the moments of darkness, it can be hard to see a path forward.  We forget this current state will, at some point, come to an end.  It will.  


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Boundaries... Tough, and So Critical!

6/16/2022

1 Comment

 
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Recently I’ve become really aware of my accumulated depletion from years of hyper-vigilance, and over-giving.  Certainly, this has been me for the few decades, since the time I was pregnant with my oldest son. 

Most likely it’s been me my whole life.  Even as a pretty young child, there was care-giving I had to do.  Always on alert, always doing what I could, working hard to make sure my people are safe, the household runs decently enough, friends are ok, clients well-cared for… carrying a lot of people and their needs in my head and heart. No doubt the stresses of our time is also weighing heavily on me. 

It’s like the fish in water who doesn’t know they’re swimming in water – I didn’t know or couldn’t see what I’ve been swimming in.  I have so many wonderful grounding practices, that mostly I do pretty well. I thought I was ok.  And, overall, I really AM OK!  I share all of this only to lay the background, not for anyone to worry about me – really. 

At the same time, it’s catching up with me, so I’m finding I need more space, more time, more quiet, more slowing down, more breathing room in order to return my nervous system to calm.  It’s not as calm as I’ve thought it was as often as I’ve thought it was.  And, so, enter the need for boundaries.   Boundaries do not come easily or naturally to me, but I’ve learned how vital they are to one’s well-being.


Enter boundaries

Enter the need for boundaries.   Boundaries do not come easily or naturally to me, but I’ve learned how vital they are to one’s well-being. I resonate with Brené Brown’s definition of boundaries as “what’s ok and what’s not ok.”  When we can be clear about this and communicate it to others, we actually strengthen relationship and clarify roles. 


Boundaries allow me to stay connected. They help me to preserve my energy and well-being. Without boundaries, I might need to pull away completely, shut down all together, and go into isolation, making connection impossible.

Boundaries bring me into integrity with what is true for me and allow me to honor what I really have to give. Without boundaries, I can easily over-give, over-extend, and burn myself out… That serves no one. Without boundaries I show up, but I am later exhausted or resentful… That gets in the way of relationship.

Boundaries allow you to trust me. You can count on me to say “yes” when I am available and “no” when I am not. You no longer have to worry or wonder about taking care of me. You can trust that I am taking care of myself.  Please know that even if I say “no” or “not now,” I still care.  I care enough to not give to you when I am not able to.I hope you understand, and I don’t need you to understand.

This isn’t about you.  It’s about integrity, truth, and honoring.  When I hold a boundary, I honor both you and me… even if it doesn’t feel that way in the moment.

Of course I want people to like me (don't we all?), but I am no longer willing to let that override my love for myself. For too many years I put others first and abandoned myself on a regular basis. This is not sustainable, healthy, or good for either one of us.

With boundaries, we can develop a strong and healthy relationship. I trust you to have other resources and to find your way even when I am not available. I believe in you which is why I don’t have to turn my world upside down to save you. I honor your wisdom, power, and ability to tap into whatever you need to get you through this moment. I know your well-being does not depend on me.

Please understand, I also know how hard it is when someone isn’t available for me when I really feel a need for connection and support.  This makes it hard for me to say no when I feel that need coming from you. 

And at the same time, I love, respect, and honor those who are able to say no to me even when I say “I could really use a friend…“  This happened once with one of my oldest and dearest friends.  It stung in the moment.  It was also painful for her, but she felt the truth of having nothing to give.  And, it taught me an invaluable lesson and modeled for me what’s possible.
 
Somehow, she knew that I would be OK even though I felt like I was falling apart in that moment. She knew that even if I didn’t find anyone else to talk to, I was able to be with myself and make it through the deeply painful and awful time.

Here I am…so, clearly, I did.  I will never forget that moment.  Not because of the pain I felt or because I was angry with my friend, but because she taught me that it is OK to be honest with yourself and with other people, even people you love deeply.  It is ok to say, “I don’t have it in me to give you what you need.  I don’t have the bandwidth.” Or, simply “No.  I’m not available.” 

And so, when I am not available, I trust you. I remember that I am not God or 911 and so I can’t expect myself to be the one to save you.  

Will I be there when I can?  Absolutely!  Will I give of myself generously when I’m filled up?  Without a doubt.  It’s who I am.  And yet, in this moment my own health and vitality depends on me saying yes to me.  Not splitting myself in two trying to honor me and others.  I must begin here, with this vessel, this heart, this being that needs my devotion and care. 

Boundaries are an Act of Radical Self-Care

Boundaries are an act of radical self-care. They take courage and awareness to set. They require us to be quiet enough to hear the inner wisdom that guides us.

Boundaries can feel awkward, clumsy, and imperfect as we begin to express them to others. We may worry how they are received until we learn to let go of that worry and begin to trust instead. If a relationship is based on over-giving, is this a relationship worth continuing? The relationships I want are with people who will understand and respect my right to take care of myself.

I’ve got a long and complicated relationship with boundaries. In the past I didn’t know what they were and had a hard time setting them or knowing what they should be. 

Boundaries are particularly important when you are in a care-giving role, personally or professionally.  If you’re someone people look to and lean into, they will naturally want your support, advice, wisdom, calm, or listening.  We owe it to ourselves (and to them) to be honest about our availability and our limits. 

Boundaries are about Respect – for Me and for You

Without respect for yourself, it’s nearly impossible to have or honor boundaries.  They help me to trust myself and to know that I have my own back.  To know that I will listen when I feel a reaction in my body that tells me yes or no, now, later, or, in fact, never.

Boundaries let you and I know what I can do and what I can’t do.  More accurately, what I am willing to do and what I am not willing to do.  I have proven over the decades that I am more than capable of pushing through and doing more than is reasonable.

After 58 years on this planet, I am no longer willing to live that way.  I love and care about so many people.  I am pulled in so many directions.  I have so much and so many people and things weighing on my mind at any given moment.  I take these things on without even being asked.  It’s up to me to free myself.

It’s up to me to respect and love myself enough to take the risk to take a stand.  It’s up to me to draw a line in the sand and then to dance with that line moment to moment.  It’s up to me to learn how to ask the wise questions of myself, to give myself a pause, in order to hear my inner guidance and wisdom.  It’s up to me to take care of myself and not expect you to be able to read my mind.

Boundaries are about Compassion

If we are friends or family, I need to trust you and to trust our relationship - to know we will find our way through even when I say no or not now or I won’t.  Boundaries empower everyone.  They liberate us.  They do not have to be harsh.  In fact, honest boundaries allow for compassionate, honest conversation and communication.


In this short (and very worth your time to watch) video about boundaries, Brené Brown shares her shock at learning that the most compassionate people she interviewed were also the most boundaried! 

Boundaries allow me to honor my heart, soul, and energy.  Boundaries are about respect, trust, and integrity. They do not come easily or naturally, and I may forever be on a quest to learn how to do them better.  I’m willing to learn because so much depends upon it.

Because I know that my energy, time, and resources are limited, as are my days, I want to love open-heartedly and live as beautifully as possible.  With that in mind, boundaries are going to be critical or it’s going to get ugly.

Your Turn
  • What’s your experience with boundaries? 
  • When and why do you need them?
  • Are you comfortable setting them? 
  • How does it feel when someone holds one with you? 
  • Have you found a kind and compassionate way to communicate them? 
  • Do they feel important to you? 
  • Are you able and willing to flex with them as circumstances change? 

Please share with us!  We can learn so much from your insights and experiences!  

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The Way Through...

5/31/2022

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The Way Through…
Is with presence.  With breath.  With showing up.  Steadily, consistently, slowly… one moment at a time.  One breath at a time. 

As long as your heart is beating.  As long as you breathe.  There is hope.  You are here.  You can be part of a better tomorrow.  In whatever way you are called. 

So much pain surrounds us, bombards us, ceaselessly, endlessly, an onslaught of horror and devastating destruction beating our tender hearts.  We may even feel numb to it at times – our systems simply can’t take in any more.  This is a brilliant, inherent form of self-protection.  We are not meant to live in stress 24/7, and yet that is what our world offers us. 

Each of us has particular causes that tug at our hearts, keep us awake at night.  Many have so many causes pulling at us that we feel stuck, spinning, uncertain of what to do or where to even try to do something that matters. 

We may feel guilty that we aren’t doing enough.  That we’re not on the front lines, protesting, marching, directly supporting survivors.  We look at other people and feel inadequate.  We feel the weight of the need and the impossibility of holding it up ourselves.  The demand is intense, and perhaps, at times, in our sense of not-enoughness, we collapse.  We surrender in defeat and don’t even do the one thing that we could do.

Sometimes we need beautiful, vital self-compassion or tender care for our hurting, depleted souls. Understandably, we need a break.  Sometimes we stay silent because our voice feels too small, our words ineloquent, our knowledge lacking.  Sometimes we pretend we’re ok and we soldier on, because we think that’s what we’re supposed to do.

Often, we don’t ask for help.  We forget there are others feeling exactly as we do, and that together we are stronger.  Together we are a force that can move mountains.  We are impatient and want results right away, so we forget to notice the tiny steps of hope and progress. 

We may not even know what to do.  So, begin with presence.  Allow yourself to get quiet and still so you can hear the inner guidance.  Ask a question, “What would you have me know?” whether that’s to Love. God, the Universe, or your own heart or soul.  Ask, “What is mine to do?”  Is there an action you feel called toward?  Whether it feels enough or not, what is part of your mission in this life?  What can you offer? 

If you are depleted, then first rest.  Fill yourself up.  You cannot give when you are not abundantly filled.  Do this with complete permission and lack of guilt.  We need you restored.  This rest will benefit everyone.  There are many who share your concerns.  We can take turns showing up. 
The one thing I am certain of is that it is our job to make it through.  To find our way to what’s next.  I don’t know if there is “another side” to the pain you’re feeling right now, but I do know there’s another day and a natural, messy, complex evolution.  I know for certain that things in this moment will change.  For better or for worse?  I don’t know. 

We transform meaningless pain into meaningful pain when we offer our heart’s gifts to the world.  Whether the heart touches one other person who needs your words or gentle caress or you touch millions with your words and actions, it does not matter.  What matters is that you find your way.  Your expression.  Your next teeny tiny or gigantic step. 

Along the way allow yourself to feel everything that you feel.  Sometimes all at once.  Our hearts can hold it all.  Our souls know how to be with extreme opposites.  You don’t need to deny moments of joy in favor of heartache – invite them both in.  You don’t need to push down the outrage that is screaming to be unleashed. 

You are well-resourced to find ways to feel, to release, to express as part of the healing and growing journey we are each on.  When you feel not well-resourced, reach out.  Get help.  Invite people into your life who can help you find your next breath or your next step. 

Let go of expectation.  Stop comparing yourself to what others are doing.  You have your own way.  Your own way of dealing.  Your own way of helping.  Your own way of healing.  And your own way of difference-making. 

Some are on the front line, marching, protesting, shouting. Some will run for office.  Some will write letters and send money.  Some will offer practices that nourish and nurture others.  Some will write poems or posts that speak to the hearts of someone else.  Some will offer food, shelter, blankets, and clothes filled with love.  Others will silently send their loving kindness meditation and their prayers out into the world.  Every bit of it matters.  Stop comparing and judging.  We need it all. 

What’s your way through?  Where will you begin in this moment?  What is it that your heart, soul, mind, and body need right now?  How filled up are you?  Do you need to step away to be recharged?  (We offer our phone that luxury – let’s offer it to ourselves!).  Do you need to reach out and connect with someone to help or be helped?  In different moments each of these things is a valid response.  Each one will feel right at times. 

Whatever you do, begin with breath. Begin with love.  Come into your doing from the heart, holding an intention of highest and best.  Begin with care and compassion for yourself so these are the energies you exude out into the world.  If you are not filled with these qualities, you will find yourself burned out, resentful, bitter, and that is what will bleed into even your best-intentioned offerings. 

Love, what would you have me know this day?  That is the question that’s alive in my heart.  This is the place from which I long to be led.  And so, I ask. 

In response I hear, “My dear, this is a painful time.  Your heart is breaking – again.  It breaks over and over with every death and every senseless act of violence.  It breaks when you hear the despair.  Your soul feels the pain of loss, for all the families.  Your heart is tender.  Care for it and then offer love.  Send it out in waves – through your writing and through your prayers.  You will know when there is another action to take.  For now, let this be enough.  I am with you.  I love you.” 

Here's a meditation "The Way Through" to support you.  


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Striving, Success, and Sustainability

4/22/2022

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Seems a lot of people begin their adult lives striving… working hard, trying to achieve something.  For many there’s a vague sense of what they’re aiming for, and for others there’s a very clear end goal in mind.  And, so the climb begins…  striving, driving, pushing to achieve, to prove, to feel worthy. 

We may be following a dream or course set out for us by someone else – our parents, teachers, or other adults who thought they knew what was best or right for us.  Things might look great and we feel like we’re checking all the boxes.  And then, at some point we may find ourselves unhappy, dissatisfied, even if things look great on the outside.

Somewhere along the way, many of us hit a point of wondering what the heck we’re doing.  Feeling like the goals we had set don’t matter as much any longer, whether we’ve reached them or not.  We begin questioning what really matters.  Is it having a 6 or 7 figure salary?  The fancy car? The prestigious title or position?  Who are we trying to impress and what are we trying to prove? 

So, we begin to look at the pace we’ve been going at and find that it’s just not sustainable.  In order to see if what you’re doing is sustainable, take a moment and get really honest about your energy, resources, reserves, and sense of enjoyment and fulfillment.  You may discover you don’t want to keep going the way you have been for decades.  If that’s the case, it’s time to start looking for what brings a sense of contentment, peace, and joy. 

Each one of us gets to define what success is for us.  How is it measured and how will you know if you’ve arrived? What will a successful life look like?  How will you be spending your time? Who will you be with?  What does an ideal day look like in a successful life (for you)? 

Asking these questions can free us from staying on a path that no longer makes sense.  It allows us to lean into our own values and priorities and create our reality with these as our guiding forces. 

One friend says “Hey, we only get so many heartbeats…” True and that number is unknown.  But each day we can decide where we allow those heartbeats to take us.  What we do know it that “finitude” is certain.  This life will end.  When you are looking back over your days, how will you feel about the way you have spent them?
 
The Dash Poem
by Linda Ellis
I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on the tombstone
From the beginning...to the end
 
He noted that first came the date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years
 
For that dash represents all the time
That they spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved them
Know what that little line is worth
 
For it matters not, how much we own,
The cars...the house...the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.
 
So, think about this long and hard.
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged.
 
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.
 
And be less quick to anger
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.
 
If we treat each other with respect
And more often wear a smile,
Remembering this special dash
Might only last a little while
 
So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life's actions to rehash...
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent YOUR dash?
 
As you reflect on your life and how you’re spending your time, energy, and resources today, are you content?  If not, what changes do you want to make? 
​
As you look ahead to the rest of your life, how do you want to feel?  What impact do you want to have made?  What do you need to do now so that you don’t burn out before you get there?  


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M is for More

4/15/2022

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We seem to live in a world where “more is better” drives a lot of people.  And, so we accumulate more material things, we strive to be more productive, to achieve more, to learn more, do more, and be more.  We buy more clothes, go for the bigger house which we quickly fill with more stuff.  All you can eat buffets lead people to stuff themselves in an effort to get their money’s worth! 

In today’s #AtoZChallenge, let’s stop for a minute to reflect on this.  Is this more mentality alive within you?  How does it drive you and what’s the impact? 

So many people I work with struggle to know that they are enough, exactly as they are.  And, I wonder if this idea of “more” plays into that somehow.  There can be a belief that they need to know more, have more training or degrees or certificates in order to show up to things that they really want to do (and in most cases are already more than qualified for). 

There can be a tendency to think we need more money, and so we keep working and working, without ever stopping to identify how much is enough.  In this drive to accumulate, you may push yourself beyond what’s reasonable, for fear of not having enough. 

There seems to be a belief that bigger is better, so businesses push to grow, to have more clients, more projects, and more income.  Growth may exceed the actual capacity to keep up and at some point, may tip into being too much.  What’s the ideal size of a business?  Where’s the sweet spot where no more is needed?  The perfect place that allows you the quality of life you desire and doesn’t burn you out along the way?  How many clients do you actually want to work with? What will be enough to satisfy and sustain you?

More and enough seem to go together, don’t they?  What might change if we stopped to check in with ourselves and asked, “What will be enough?  Why do I need more?  What will more do for me? What will more do to me?  Is it true that I need more, or am I ok just where I am?” 

As I mentioned in an earlier post, my father always pushed us to do more, to be more, to achieve and accomplish more.  To not settle.  But, what if it’s healthy to settle for enough?  And what if it’s not even settling? 

For me when I thought I had to keep reaching for something more, to keep raising the bar, I never felt satisfied.  I almost feel like I can hear my father’s voice saying “don’t be satisfied.”  I wonder what he was afraid of. 

When the bar must be continually and repeatedly raised, we don’t stop to notice or appreciate what we have or what we have done because we’re just on that hamster wheel spinning to churn out more, to keep up with some unidentified and unachievable goal. 


The Rat Race
-
Barb Klein from 111 Invitations: Step into the Full Richness of Life
 
Burning the candle at both ends
only fries us in the end.
Life’s obligations
pull at us,
stretching us too thin.
 
Work, commitments, financial concerns
push us, drive us,
command us
to go and do at all hours,
always connected,
always available,
no request too big.
Sure, we can do more.
 
It is there
we lose ourselves.
We lose our ground.
We give more
than we possibly can.
We do more
than is reasonable.
 
Pushed by expectations
that are irrational.
Compelled by fear.
If we don’t, we’ll be dismissed.
 
Life’s busy-ness consumes us,
and beats us
until we are weary
and our soul
saves us the only way it knows –
through sickness, injury, or layoff.
 
Anything to stop the madness
and bring some rest
unless we can find the balance,
find a way to honor the self.
 
There is no glory in burning out,
one more lost soul
in a wasteland of beings
striving, always striving,
to outdo one another,
to get ahead and stay ahead.
 
Of what?
I wonder.


I’m so grateful that this is (mostly) no longer how I live.  And, yet, that programming still runs in the background of my consciousness, and I think it plays out in ways I’m not even aware of.  There are areas in my life where I still tend to accumulate or over-commit.  Things I love (like books) I can (and have) easily collect more than I will ever be able to read in a lifetime.  I love to learn and seek to continue to grow, so I can take on more programs than I really have time for.  I can over-give of myself and my time. 

More ideas.  More possibilities.  This is another danger zone for me!  I no longer have the sweet work colleague to rein me in and force me to choose one thing so that we could proceed.  And, so, at times, I can get overwhelmed with more and more things I want to write about, create, or bring out to the world. 

It takes intentional effort to step back, pause, breathe, and check in with myself before giving into the seduction doing or having more in these areas.  I have to find ways to help me focus in on one thing at a time.  It takes mindful thought to know what’s reasonable and realistic. 

Not too long ago, I played with more in a couple of other posts – Less is More (we hear that all the time, and it’s something that holds a strong appeal to me).  And, because nothing is all or nothing, I also wrote Sometimes More is More. 

How about you?  Where do you find yourself wanting or seeking more?  Tell us the impact of more in your world?  Or, is this not an issue for you?
​
Thanks for coming along with me while I play around with more and more questions!  I’m having fun and I hope you are too!  

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What Does it Mean to "Fill Your Own Cup?"

2/15/2022

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We hear it all the time… “You can’t pour from an empty cup!”  And, no one disagrees.  But, the problem with these simple pithy phrases is that we all know them, recite them and hear them with a “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know…” attitude, brushing the words off as quickly as they land on our ears.  We don’t really take them to heart, and if we do, we think they’re meant for other people.  In fact, we probably offer this sage advice without stopping to take a look at what it might mean to us in our world!

This might be especially important if you:
- live in service to others
- tend to over-give your time, energy, resources, and attention away to the point that you are feeling drained and depleted. You frequently give to and do more for others than you do for yourself.
- consider yourself to be codependent
- are grieving.  Grief takes time and an enormous amount of energy and naturally saps you of your usual resources. 
- live in a situation that brings a lot of chaos and unpredictability (or you’ve had a significant amount of this throughout your years).
- don’t allow others to support you, or even let them know what you need.  Maybe asking for help feels too vulnerable or you aren’t even sure what you do need. 
- are one of the many, many workers who don’t stop for a lunch break, who don’t really check out from work, even during “off work” hours or on vacation. 
- are someone who feels guilty just considering taking time for yourself. 
- are immersing yourself in good and important causes (think opioid epidemic, climate crisis, social injustice, anti-racism, to name a few of many). 
- find yourself continually worrying and fretting about things that are out of your control or beyond your influence and you find the feeling of powerlessness only adds to your anxiety. 
- have been a human on this earth for the past couple of years…  yeah, you.  This is for you!

Filling ourselves up, regularly and repeatedly, not just a few times a year with a retreat or vacation is critical.  With the steady onslaught of anxiety-producing news and information coming at us, we need a consistent way to bolster ourselves up and resource ourselves.  Living in a pandemic has exacerbated this need!
​

Living in a way that is sustainable, realistic, and enjoyable is worth aiming for.  Otherwise, we become like a sieve that is leaking energy everywhere.  

What will fill you up?    
Let’s explore this a bit.  Many people, including me, don’t have a lot of ideas.  Do you know what is fun, relaxing, nourishing, restorative, or comforting for you? 

If not, you might consider this list of Pleasant Activities (disregarding all that clinical stuff at the top – this is just for you!) and see which ones resonate with you.  There are more than 130 ideas here, so if you need a kickstart to explore some fresh ideas, give it a go!  We begin to be able to make changes when we get to know ourselves better!

When you engage in an activity or hang out with a certain person, does it leave you feeling energized or exhausted? 

When you read or listen to something, what effect does that have on you?  We have to digest everything we take in, so be sure you’re not adding to your own anxiety or exhaustion without even intending to. 

There are 2 aspects to filling up:
  1. Stop the leaking/fill the holes where you’re being drained – getting to know the places where you’re giving away more of yourself than you have to give and/or where you’re taking in stuff that sucks the life out of you (Less is More )
  2. Adding something in to fill up again – we have a vital life force energy within us, this magical elixir of life – it can be replenished so finding practices, people, activities that give us a boost will help with this aspect.  (Sometimes More is More)

Stopping the leaking and filling the holes – releasing and letting go:

What can you let go of?  Here are a few ideas to get you started:
  • quiet the outer noise (other people’s opinions, ideas, and thoughts of who you should be and what you should do.  Other people’s drama!)
  • stop ruminating on things that are not yours to fix or figure out.  Things that are out of your control
  • stop feeding worry – if you’re a world class worrier like I am, worry will find you.  You can’t control that.  What you can control is how long you spend with it and how much you do to stir it up and amplify it. 
  • let go of abandoning yourself… how often do you let your own needs, priorities, boundaries slip away in favor of what someone else needs or wants from you even if you had calendared yourself in?  What might it look like to begin to make yourself a priority?  Or to just be willing to consider making yourself a priority?   
Adding in – finding those things you want more of to fill you with vital energy – asking, receiving, creating:

What might you like to bring in to help you fill up?  Here are a few ideas to get you started:
  • throw a light novel into the mix if you tend to read heavy stuff or lots of personal growth books (not that I know anything about that!)
  • the arts! Poetry, music, dance, song, paint, write, or create and express just for the pure joy of creating and expressing!
  • nature! fresh air, sunshine, time with the pure simplicity of nature’s sounds and sights – drink in that beauty
  • pauses – allow time and space for healing, for rest, for gentle evolution
  • breath… more breath!  And movement.  Movement that is pleasurable or enjoyable to you!

I offer this reflection and inquiry with zero judgement and no shame.  I am a work in progress in many of these areas myself (I am always writing about what I am learning!).  We are all works in progress. 

So, as you get curious, be gentle, come with tenderness, compassion, and understanding. 

How might you nourish yourself, body, mind, heart, and soul?  In this week of love, how might you weave in some self-love? 

All of this boils down to deep, deep true self-care. 


Self-care is the foundation upon which a life is built. 
Without it, we will crumble from the inside out!


Your Invitation:
Take some time to reflect on any changes you might want to make in your life in order to fill your own cup.  Pause and look at the clouds as you consider what it means to you to fill your cup and why it might be worth devoting some time to.  Share your ideas and thoughts here!  There is power in giving voice to your intention and being witnessed.  And, you just might inspire someone else!! 
​

For me… after writing draft one of this and before going on to editing or recording the accompanying meditation, I’m going to get outside, take a walk (because I’ve been sitting for too long), sit in the sun and listen to the birds and ocean waves while I watch the dogs play!  I hope you find something equally relaxing!!  (thought I'd share with you what I found!) 

I invite you to practice Filling Your Cup with this meditation if you'd like!  

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Getting Grounded

7/20/2021

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Phew!  It's been a doozy of a week for me - lots of dips into funks, times of abandoning myself, questioning myself, doubting myself, getting down on myself…  for no particular reason that I can pinpoint, which is the worst kind of out of sorts for me!  I like to at least understand what's going on.  

I try to remember that we all have these funks and I've talked to a lot of people who seem to be riding these funk waves with me at this time, but knowing it's to be expected and I'm not alone helps only a little.  Sometimes I am better at being with the discomfort of it, and other times I really just want it to stop… to go away!  

I definitely know that the more I'm able to let things be as they are and not aggressively try to change them, the more quickly it will move on through.  

I also know that when the inner turmoil is stirring it can be really unsettling, and at times we even feel shaken up, not grounded at all.  So, the theme this week is getting grounded.
 

Getting Grounded: 

One of the quickest ways to do this is to simply feel your feet on the floor (or barefeet on the earth if you can), feel your body being held by the seat, bed, or ground, let out a few audible sighs, maybe even imagining the stress or burden sliding right off your shoulders. Notice how your body wants to move. Does your neck want some gentle circles?  Do you want to wiggle or stretch in any way?  Let yourself move until you are just a little more comfortable.  Find yourself in this moment - look around - what do you see? What do you hear?  Who else is nearby?  Are you safe here?  (If not, please find a way to get to a place where you are). 

If you're feeling super agitated, you might want to shake your hands and arms (and maybe even your feet and legs) as if you're shaking off whatever it is that's getting to you.  

Feel your breath - notice its natural rhythm and quality in this moment without trying to change anything.  With each breath invite your belly to soften.  Place your hands on your lap or on your heart or on your belly… feel your own warmth and tender touch - this is a gesture of self-compassion.  Let yourself know that you are here for you.  

Allow yourself a little time to not need to DO anything or to figure anything out, but simply to be here with yourself.  Take the time you need… Connecting with your breath and feeling your body.  Support yourself to get into your body in this moment in time.  If there is any gentle reassurance you want to offer to yourself, please do… things like, “I'm here… we've got this… I love you.  We will get through this.  Shhhh….” can be tried out.  If you find a phrase that softens your body a bit, offer that to yourself - lean into it.  Let the softness come.  

Repeat as often as needed.  I've needed it a lot lately.  After I feel a little more grounded I've found it to be helpful to take note of what's true in this moment by either writing about “In this moment…” simply allowing my pen to move across the page about whatever is here right now for a few minutes or just saying aloud or silently to myself, “OK, in this moment…”  This helps to bring a reality check to this moment, this time, and keeps me from running away with the thoughts that may be carrying me in 900 different directions at once.  Right here. Right now.  Be here now.  (Sometimes I recite this simple phrase to myself with every inhale, exhale, and pause).  

How do you get grounded? I'd love to hear - please share your ideas so that we can add to our available practices!  

I've recorded this guided meditation to support you in getting grounded.  I invite you to give yourself a few minutes and allow yourself this time to settle in to this moment.  


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    About me...

    I am a writer, coach, and teacher, and I love capturing life's many moments through writing, whether that be journalling, blogging, poetry, or essay.  I have always found the written word as a natural way for me to express what lies within.  

    This is the space where we get real.  I will write about my life experiences and things that I find my clients encounter in their daily lives.   

    What's real for you? What would you like me to write about?  Feel free to share with me topics you would like to see discussed and please join in the dialogue through the comment section. Your engagement makes the blog a much richer place to hang out!

    Thank you for joining me on this journey!!    

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Barb Klein
Inspired Possibility
585-705-8740
barb@inspiredpossibility.com