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Q is for Questions

4/20/2022

10 Comments

 
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Since we started with #AtoZChallenge with a post about Answers, and my theme is Question (Almost) Everything, it seems only fitting that we take a little time with questions! In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I love questions.  I live in questions.  I know what it feels like to be annoying for asking too many questions! 

Anyone else a “you ask too many questions” person?? 

Through these daily posts it’s been my genuine desire to ask provocative questions.  To get you thinking, journaling, considering how these topics show up in your life.  Questioning is the way we expand beyond what we already know.  Questioning the status quo, the “way it’s always been done,” or what everyone else is doing is how we contribute to change in our own lives and in the world. 

Asking questions can open doors and reveal fresh possibility.  Questions are the foundation of experimentation, inviting us to try something and see how it goes.  Questions make it ok to not know.
 
As I touched on in Answers, it strikes me that there are different types of questions we ask.  In addition to basic logistical questions, there are questions of agony, questions of hope, excitement or wonder, questions of curiosity and genuine interest, and questions of right or wrong.  And then of course there are the big, possibly unanswerable, existential questions!  And, my favorite, the beautiful question. 

At different times each one of us has likely asked every kind of question. 

Questions of Agony: These are the cruel or “woe is me” questions that pile on misery and can keep us stuck.  They’re natural but not very helpful. The come with a tone of powerlessness– tone matters, because some of these questions, if asked in a neutral way could be genuine interest, information gathering, reflective ones. 

These are the judgmental ones, the ones of self-or other criticism, the ones of despair and misery.  These questions sound like: Why is this happening?  Why me/us?  How did we get here?  How could you?  What’s wrong with me (or you)?  When will this ever end??  Who’s to blame? 

Questions of hope, excitement, or wonder: You can feel the energy in these questions as they touch a place of wonder, awe, or imagination.  There’s a lightness and a sense of delight as you feel these questions.  Maybe some “nerve-cited” sensation too!

When will we find out?  Is this really happening!?  Are we really in this place/at this event/fulfilling this dream?? Will this work?  How is it possible that there is so much beauty in the world?  How did I get so lucky to feel a love like this?  If I had a magic wand, how would your life be different?  If I went for it, what might be possible? Can I really do this?

Questions of curiosity and genuine interest: These questions seek to understand, to connect, to go deeper.

What’s going on for you?  Tell me more about your situation; I really want to know (this is the tricky statement question!).  What makes you feel most alive?  What does it mean to you to be successful?  What DO I really want? 

Questions of right or wrong: These questions try to figure out the “right” course of action. When asked internally, and if we allow ourselves enough space and time to hear true guidance, these can be super helpful.  If asked of others, they can take us away from our own intuition or knowing. 

What should I do?  Just tell me!  Is this the right choice?  I don’t know… is that wrong?  What does the book say we’re supposed to do in this case?  What do the experts tell us to do? 

Existential Questions: The super big, maybe unanswerable questions we ask about life itself and our life and purpose. 

Why am I here?  What am I supposed to do with my life?  What’s the meaning of life?  Does anything matter?  If nothing matters, does everything matter?  Is there a God, and if there is, how could they let ____ happen? 

And, then, there is the Beautiful Question:
I learned about Beautiful Questions in a workshop on curiosity at Camp Good Life Project back in 2018.  Steven Morris described it as a question that can’t be answered by the mind alone and that it may be something you have to sit with for some time. 

So, the beautiful question is one you may not know the answer to easily (or ever), and for me, these are the questions that have caused me to open my mind, and more importantly, my heart to a broader perspective. 

As a mom of a young man with substance use disorder, many of my questions over the years had been anything but beautiful!  There were many questions of agony, of right and wrong, seeking outside advice and answers, which no one could really give us.  There were not too many questions of curiosity or wonder and certainly no beautiful wide-open wonderings.  I was too constricted by fear.

The question that changed our life:
Steven’s workshop broke open a question that would change my and our experience of life, and it was this: What if we stop trying to save his life and just love him, as he is, for as long as he’s here?” 

Every single word of this question felt important for me to really take in.  This question came from some place beyond my mind.  I know that because it makes no sense to a Mom mind.  And yet, it acknowledges and embodies the reality of our situation.  We can’t save his life, and we’re making all of us crazy trying to do so.  We do love him deeply, so what if we fully gave ourselves permission to love with all of our hearts.  And, he might die too young.  Knowing that, how do we want to live and be with our son while he’s here?  

Somehow my heart and soul can hold the hugeness of this question. Somehow this question frees us to be with our son in a more peaceful, accepting way.  It allows, at least occasionally, the desperation to fall away.  It enables us to give him the freedom to live his life and find his way.  It stops us from so much telling and yelling. 

And, so I ask you, dear reader: What’s the value in asking good questions? Powerful questions?  What questions actually engage you or your conversation partner in some deeper thought and interaction?  What beautiful question might your life be asking you to sit with?  Is there one that would open you up? 

I can’t wait to hear what this topic stirs for you! 
 

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Obsession, Overwhelm, and Opening

4/18/2022

6 Comments

 
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Obsession
Ah, yes, Obsession – From Oxford Languages: ob·ses·sion – the state of being obsessed with someone or something.  "she cared for him with a devotion bordering on obsession"
- an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind.
 
Waking this Saturday morning with the awareness of my own obsession.  Noticing how even something you’re passionate about can become too much.  Can lead to overwhelm.  Recognizing that when you work in a field that’s linked to a deep personal and ongoing experience, there often is no break. 
 
I live and breathe addiction and recovery.  I immerse myself in learning more, joining groups where I read and comment on people’s confusion, fear, anger, and loss. Not a day goes by where at least one parent shares the loss of their child. Every day is full of posts of people saying they can’t take it anymore, asking for advice from strangers who don’t know their family, but who are more than willing to chime in.   I extract myself from groups that perpetuate messages that I find harmful and unhelpful.  I stay in those that spread fresh ideas, compassion, and hope, but even those spaces can be too much. 
 
Many of the books spread around my home relate to the topic, reflecting my ever-present desire to learn and grow, to be the best mom, the best coach, and best support person I can be.  I want to know all there is to know in an unknowable field.  As I glance around and see the titles, I feel the weight.  It seems somehow the more I learn, the more inadequate I feel. 
 
Working for myself from home also contributes to this sense of overwhelm.  There’s never a distinct separation between work and home – no physical distance, especially in such a small space.  No clear ending time unless there are other plans.  It’s too easy for work thoughts, topics, programs, and conversations to seep into my “off hours.” 
 
Overwhelm
o·ver·whelm – verb - bury or drown beneath a huge mass.
Similar: swamp, submerge, engulf, bury, deluge, flood, inundate, clog, overload, overburden, bring someone to their knees
give too much of a thing to (someone); inundate.
"they were overwhelmed by farewell messages"
 
Phew, ok! Thanks, Oxford Languages for that clarity… yes, today, I feel the overwhelm brought on by my (very devoted and very well-meaning) obsession.  I feel a need to unbury myself, to emerge from the swamp, to unclog and unload the weight I’ve been carrying.   I have the ability to shut out the deluge of information and input.  I get to choose how I spend my time, where I devote my energy, what I read and listen to, and to pace myself in a way that feels sustainable and onward-leading.
 
Before I am brought to my knees, let me remember that I have the choice for how I spend my time, where I put my attention, and who and what I allow into the sacred spaces of my heart and mind. 
 
Opening
 
And, so my question for today’s #AtoZChallenge is: How can I create some space to nourish, nurture, and replenish myself?  Not just immediately, but on a more regular basis.  But, I’ll begin with today, this moment, because that’s what’s here.  Then I’m sure that will inform my consciousness about life overall. 
 
I need a break – a break that has nothing to do with travel or vacation; I have had plenty of that recently.  I need a break in my own head, heart, and home, so I am giving myself a two-day break this weekend (after this piece is written). 
 
Before I even wrote my morning pages, I deleted Facebook and Instagram from my phone for these days in order to resist the temptation to mindlessly grab, scroll, and get hooked in for an hour or more without even noticing.  I immediately felt lighter.  I know I might find myself checking the weather app more than usual, but that’s ok. It won’t hook me for too long! 
 
I put my phone on Do Not Disturb, allowing only calls and messages from immediate family and close friends to come through.  I need some breathing room.  I’ve been way too cranky lately, on edge, unsettled… feel like I’m caving in on myself. 
 
Thankfully some spark of inspiration showed me the way out!  Thankfully, I remember that I’m in charge of my schedule and my environment.
 
I will choose to spend time doing things that uplift and inspire me.  I will choose time with people I enjoy, doing things that are fun and unrelated to work.  If I read, it will be a novel.  If I listen, it will be to dance or sing or be inspired.   If I watch, it will be to laugh or to cry, but it will be for pleasure (yes, I do love a good cry). 
 
I will bake, I think.  It’s a grey rainy, almost snowy day here, and so filling our home with warmth and good smells of cookies or corn bread sounds wonderful. We will cook a nice meal to enjoy with our son.  I will change the tablecloth from fall colors to butterflies – that alone lightens up the space.  I will clear the counter of its excess.  Why do horizontal surfaces so quickly and easily get cluttered?  Why are they so inviting for all the things I can’t immediately decide what to do with? 
 
I will also work with my husband to continue cleaning and clearing space.  We both feel the Springtime desire to purge.  We need more room to breathe.  There is simply too much stuff in this space.  Sometimes I enjoy going through my wardrobe, dresser, and drawers to find what is ready to leave us.  Something that will delight someone else, and choosing to let it go.  That energy is alive within me this season, so I want to lean into it and let it support me in making the tough choices to release and let go. 
 
I will devote time for practices that nurture my soul.  Meditation has somehow slipped to the wayside too often lately.  Tai Chi too.  Yoga far too seldom.  I need to flood myself with these things that calm my nervous system, that soothe my soul, that relax and restore me.  Instead of 20 minutes doom scrolling, don’t you think I’ll feel better if I come into gentle presence with myself?  I do! 
 
So, how about you?  Where do you feel overwhelm?  Any obsessions that are getting more of your time and energy than they deserve?  How might you create a little spaciousness in your heart, mind, and home?  What is opening for you?  


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L - Love Questions

4/14/2022

6 Comments

 
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What I am LOVING about this #AtoZChallenge is that it’s raising questions about topics I didn’t anticipate questioning… things like hope, kindness, and how we look at and feel about bodies.  I love that one friend and reader told me the posts are “like a cup of espresso.  They’re waking me up!”  She’s been willing to read critically and dive into her own thoughts about certain words and topics.  I couldn’t ask for any more than that! 

So, with that, let’s dive into some questions I have played with around the idea of love for several years now.  These questions change my experience of life and my way of being in it. 

Is Love available, even here?
First, from Sufi teacher and business coach, Mark Silver, “Is Love available, even here?”  This is a profound question to ask ourselves when we are facing desperate and painful times in our own lives or when we look at catastrophes in the world.  Is Love available, even here?  Can you find it, feel it, access it?  Might Love be at play even when times seem the bleakest? What’s the opportunity?
I recently talked with a friend who is grieving the dying of a beloved pet.  It hurts so deeply to let go of those we love so dearly.  And yet, we know that death is part of life.  The more we love, the more it will hurt.  So how might we use our alive time to honor walking alongside someone at the end of their life?

I suggested that there was a gift in knowing that the end is near (and also gave her permission to tell me to F off because I know it doesn’t feel like a gift in this moment)… that she has time to spend with this animal, to let it know all it’s meant to her, to do some ceremony around saying goodbye, even when she doesn’t want to say goodbye.  How can we weave love into our living days with those we love, whether the end is near or not? 

              '"Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
​                      ~ Alfred Lord Tennyson


Loving someone who struggles with substance use disorder can lead to a chaotic existence…  there can be a lot of anger, blame, shame, and broken trust.  Things can get ugly and painful in a deeply wounding way.  Is Love available even here?  Even as relationships are torn apart, words spoken that can’t be taken back, and fear rules the day.  Can we remember the essence of this person, the bond that brought us together, and if it’s our child, the bond that runs deep and may be non-negotiable?  Can we find enough ground within ourselves and get enough support to bring Love to the situation?  Can we trust in a Divine Love surrounding us, even in the hardest moments? 

What does Love look like?
Through my journey with my son’s substance use disorder, I’ve struggled to find the Love many times, getting caught up in the human messiness more often than I’d like to admit.  I’ve also had to redefine what Love looks like, what love means, and what a loving mother is or does. 

We have ideas growing up (or at least I did) about these things.  In my case I believed a loving mother was kind, gentle, caring, nurturing, and never got angry… at anyone, but especially not at her children (anger was a “Wait til your father gets home” situation).  This was not a healthy foundation for me to step into the reality of parenting, and I am grateful for the counselor who early on challenged my belief that I would never get angry with my child and gave me permission for this very natural human response. 

Active addiction stirs up lots of anger along with exhaustion which is a recipe for disaster.  It can be hard to find or feel the love.  And, in the moments I get good support, care for myself, and have some practices to find my center, I can love my son in a different way.  I’ve learned that loving my young adult son is different from loving my baby or little boy, and that I can no longer mend all of his wounds or keep him safe.  I’ve learned that love shines through in clear boundaries communicated in a straightforward way, and that love also allows us not to be rigid.  When love enters in there is room to determine what feels right and doable in this moment.  Love doesn’t always say “yes,” but it doesn’t always have to say “no” either. 

When I am the loving mother I desire to be, I walk alongside my sons.  I see them for the beautiful people they are.  I listen to them and allow them to guide their own journeys.  I honor their uniqueness and that each of us have our own journey.  I take care of myself and know that my life is most certainly affected by theirs, but it is not determined by theirs.  I remember that there is love for them and also love for me, and that when I love and honor myself, I am better able to love and honor them.  I no longer believe that a good mother sacrifices herself for her kids.  I also love myself enough to allow for and expect imperfections along the way.

What would Love do?
Perhaps my favorite question of all, which I believe I first heard from Elizabeth Gilbert (but I can’t confirm because I often don’t remember for sure), is “What would Love (with a capital L) do?” 
Oh, man! Such a great question!  And, here’s why… because what Love would do is so often different than what my little pissed off, resentful, hurting human self would do.  Now Love still wouldn’t sacrifice me or encourage me to save someone else, because Love knows that’s not my job.  Love wouldn’t ask me to do more than is reasonable or to suffer abuse. 

However, Love would reach deep and find compassion.  Compassion would allow me to consider another person’s point of view.  Love helps me to see the humanity and soul of another being, no matter what I see on the surface.  Love helps me to show up to the world from a softer place. 
When Love is our intention, our guiding light, when Love is how we want to live in the world, how does that change our words, actions, and way of being with one another? 

So, I leave you to consider: Is Love available, even here?  What does Love look like?  And, What would Love do? 

What questions do you have about Love?  Please share in the comments!  I'd LOVE to hear your thoughts! 


A little musical inspiration for you - Love Wins

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Enabling & Why We Need to Lose this Term

4/6/2022

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When I look up the word “enable,” here’s what I find: From Merriam Webster dictionary
Enable en·​able | \ i-ˈnā-bəl  \
Definition of enable - verb
1a: to provide with the means or opportunity (training that enables people to earn a living)
b: to make possible, practical, or easy (a deal that would enable passage of a new law)
c: to cause to operate (software that enables the keyboard)
Synonyms: allow, empower, let, permit


Sounds like a good thing, right?  Supportive, forward-moving, and something that opens up possibilities.  So, today’s Question (Almost) Everything question is how and why has “enabling” become a word that carries such negative connotations? 

How is it that enabling has become such an ugly word, used to judge and shame family members of people with substance use disorder?  This label is one that has caused too many people to agonize unnecessarily, primarily for fear of what others would think of them.  Families have come to believe that any form of helping, even if it’s not a problem for them and even if what they are doing is supporting their loved one to move toward health or recovery, is enabling. 

They worry and whisper in embarrassment, “I know I shouldn’t be doing this.  I know I’m enabling. We’re making it too easy.”  Even when the person struggling is facing very real natural consequences, like legal issues, loss of connection with other loved ones, loss of a job, family members somehow think they need to ensure they don’t make things “too easy.” 

Helping is not enabling.  Love is not enabling.  Empathy is not enabling.  Harm reduction is not enabling.  Creating an environment of love and connection where a person has a chance at developing a foundation upon which to heal, grow, and find their way is not enabling. 

Why we need to stop calling people “enablers?”

First of all, it's a label that lumps people into a category with preconceived notions that others have of them.  When we use this word we add to the stigma and shame families already feel.  This may lead them to further isolate and not get the help that they themselves need. It may cause them to go to the opposite extreme and completely cut off their loved one.  

I have done that at times with my own son, in part because of the internal battle that led me to worry about what I should or shouldn't do, what was "right,"  what was "too much."  Certainly the narrative that I bought into was part of what led me to believe that we had done all we could... which is why my son has been homeless too many times.  I wish I had known better. I wish I had known that there was more that we could do to walk alongside him without abandoning our hearts and ourselves.  I am grateful that we have a chance to do things differently now.  

As Pam Lanhart, Director of Thrive Family Recovery Resources, shares, "We have to treat substance use like we would any other disease or disorder.  If your child had cancer or other health issues, you wouldn’t just do nothing and not assist them when you can. A person would never be shamed or ostracized if they drove their loved one, say to the cancer clinic. Or if their daughter or son was ill and they loved them and gave them a bath and washed their back."  No one would call that person an enabler because these are things people do for those they love and care about.  


When people fear being “enabling,” they hold back from honoring their own values, their own heart, and their own instincts.  They worry more about what others think than finding the path that makes sense for them, one moment at a time.  They come to believe that acting in a caring way toward their loved one who struggles with substance use is wrong, and they may pull back, or push away their loved one. 

And, in fact, the research shows that you can indeed effectively help someone struggling with substances.  Family influence is a primary reason that people seek treatment.  Family involvement and support is a key factor in recovery.  We need to stop pushing families away from their loved ones. 

Let's take back this term... 

We in the recovery community want to enable life.  We want to enable love.  We want to enable connection and communication that creates a safe environment for recovery, while also establishing healthy boundaries and expectations.  We want to enable recovery. 

Let’s please stop using this word "enabling" in its current common shaming and judgmental tone and reclaim it for what it actually is - empowering and supporting.  Let’s stop discouraging people from showing up for their loved one. Let's lose the closely related dangerous notion that a person has to hit rock bottom, which can too easily lead to death. What's often been called "enabling" may just help save a life.  Let’s educate and empower people to find ways to help that may be more effective than what they’ve tried in the past.  Let’s give them permission to try, to learn, to grow.  Let’s support them to find a way to openly show their love and care for people they quite naturally care so deeply about. 


For another perspective on this, I invite you to read Hearts at Work Family Recovery founder, Joanne Richards' post, "I'm enabling?  Yes, yes I am!"  And, another article about this: "I Have the Word "Enable:" Getting Shamed and Blamed when You Have a Child with Addiction." 

If "enabler" is a term you've worried about, been assigned by others, or taken on yourself, what would it be like to take a step back and consider what this means to you?  Can you take an honest assessment of your involvement and determine whether what you're doing is helpful and healthy, for all involved?  Are you willing to find a way that works for your family, honoring who you are and where each of you is in this moment?  Don't try to figure it out alone.  If you're struggling, reach out and get help. There are groups like Thrive, counselors, and family coaches who can help you to find your way.  It does not have to look like anyone else's way.  

What would it be like to say, "I'm enabling my family to walk through this together from a place of love.  I am getting support for myself and taking care of myself as I also love and care for my person. It's not an "either/or" proposition.  We know we can't do this for them, but we will do what we can to support them to stay alive, to find hope, to have a chance at a better life.  We are in this together." Here's a little music to support you on this long and winding road!  MomPower Playlist 


If you’d like to learn more about programs which understand the value of involved family members who are willing to learn how to engage in a loving and supportive way, or the research that supports family involvement in recovery, please check out Invitation to Change and CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Therapy).  Online meetings based on the Invitation to Change and CRAFT models are offered through Thrive Family Recovery Resources.   

I didn't plan for it to go this way, but I am seeing how this post ties in with earlier #AtoZChallenge - Question (Almost) Everything posts... Answers (Lie Within), Change, and How Do You Define Yourself?  Tomorrow's post could also be applied to this exploration of Enabling.  

Thoughts? Questions?  Please share and let's grow together in our understanding as we work to shift a deeply ingrained cultural narrative.  

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Out of the Darkness...Into the Light

12/21/2021

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As I revisit and revise this post, originally written for MomPower last year, I am sitting with some fresh, raw, and very deep sadness.  I am grateful to re-read this message and take it into my own heart as I sit with myself with tears streaming down my face. 

​Today marks the winter solstice here in the Northern Hemisphere.  On this darkest day of the year, the pivotal moment between dark and light, it is the perfect time to honor the darkness that has come into our lives.  It is a time to honor those who have been lost and to remember them with love.  It is a time to honor the struggle and the perseverance of those who are on a challenging journey and to honor ourselves and other loved ones who have also found a way through the darkness. 

In honoring the darkness and in grieving the losses we have endured, we bring those moments into the light.  When we bring them into the light, they are no longer hiding in the shadows, lurking in shame, or hidden in silence.  We claim and name our experience.  We see it for what it has been.  We presence it. 

When we do this, we are able to step forward into the light.  Just as the days begin to get longer with a bit more light from tomorrow on, we too can begin to bring more light into our homes and our beings. 

Addiction, cancer, mental illness (to name a few) are painful diseases, as you undoubtedly know.  They affect everyone in their wake and can take down entire families with the weight of suffering. 

However (and this is a big however), the journey from darkness to light does not have to take us out forever.  It is possible to find hope, joy, peace, love, and to create a brighter tomorrow, even when we have been impacted by a loved one's disease. 

If you are reading this, you are alive, and for that fact alone there is reason to celebrate.  You have been given the opportunity to live one more day.  What will you do with this one precious life you have been given?  How will you set your soul free to express itself?  What is uniquely yours to do?

Is there some way to honor your journey up to this very moment--the good, the bad, and the ugly, the full messiness of it all?  The painful, the joyous, the fearfulness, and the hope?  Whatever it’s looked like in the past, today marks a new day, albeit a short one.  Tomorrow offers the light of fresh possibility, as each day does.  How do you want to step into tomorrow? 

If we are able to find a way to turn our pain (or darkness) into possibility (or light), we can transform these heavy experiences into something that serve and support us and others.  We can show up for life more fully.  We can become who we were born to be. With each loss I experience I also experience a fresh resolve to live this life even more fully. 

Let’s face it, the past 2 years have carried a full load of darkness, collectively, along with anything that you might have experienced personally. 

For many the holidays are emotionally-charged times and may bring in a healthy mix of emotions… sadness, joy, celebration, loneliness. I know I will be feeling both sadness for those who are not with us during this holiday season as well as joy and gratitude for those who are. 

There is room for it all.  When we allow ourselves to feel it all, to allow our hearts to carry this messy mix of what makes us human, we are able to move through it. 

“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” ~ Brene Brown
 
So, let this pivotal day be a day that marks the honoring of both the dark and the light.  Let us take a step back and look at the big picture of our lives and recognize that our experiences have not been all good or all bad, but rather a mix of both. 

These diseases can entomb us with their heavy cloak of darkness if we let them, but we can choose to lift up the corner of that cloak and peek outside.  We can lay down the heaviness and step into the light.  We get to choose. 

We may well prefer the moments of lightness, light-heartedness, and light in general, but there is also a gift to receive during the dark and challenging times.  We must be willing to sit with this part of our reality if we are to truly enjoy the light. 

I have found that it is in the dark where I have grown the most.  I wonder if that might be true for you as well.  I offer you this poem for consideration.  

The Places We Grow
It’s in the dark,
in the shadows,
where we stretch and grow.
 
We face ourselves
and see a new or forgotten aspect,
a piece we’d rather ignore or deny.
 
But there it is…
staring us down,
daring us to change,
to find a new way,
or to simply come into acceptance.
 
Sometimes it’s about overcoming
or adjusting.
Finding a way to do this with
love, compassion,
and gentle communion.
 
Honoring the self…
who I am,
where I am,
what I need,
what my baggage is.
 
And stepping into a deeper layer,
excavating and shifting,
allowing new light in,
and new hope out.
 
These are the places we grow –
often watered
and nourished with tears.
 © Barb Klein, 2016, “The Places We Grow,” from 111 Invitations: Step into the Full Richness of Life
 
Where and how can you nourish yourself today?  How might you allow some new light in--to your being, to your life?  How can you allow a little more hope to shine into the world? 
 
Begin by greeting yourself exactly where you are--gently, with tenderness, care, and compassion.  Offer yourself the space and grace to feel into what’s alive within your heart at this moment.  Ask your heart what it needs at this moment to be truly nurtured and nourished.  Then respond accordingly.  You deserve your own loving care.
 
We are on the cusp of a new year and we can only hope that 2022 is bringing with it new possibility, hope, and fresh beginnings.  Today let’s pause.  Let’s look at our lives and our loved ones with reverence. Let’s honor this journey where we have walked, crawled, and stumbled while we look ahead to the light of new creativity.  Let’s let this darkest day of the year—December 21-- be a personal pivotal moment for us to enter an illuminated future.  



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What Being in Recovery Means to Me

9/16/2021

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Young man (my son) dressed in Senior Ball suit kissing woman (me) in front of a treeMe and my son 10 years ago (still one of my favorite moments that captures our joy and love)
September is National Recovery Month!

Recovery is possible for people with substance use disorder and for their families! And those things are not dependent on one another.

I am a family member in long-term recovery from the effects of my son’s substance use disorder.

What that means to me is that I have found a way to recover, reclaim, and live my life, while also loving my son. It means that my happiness, peace of mind, and well-being do not depend on his. It means I have accepted that we are separate individuals each walking our own journey and I can honor our paths and our bond. I am grateful to walk alongside him and for the depth of love this journey has brought forward for us.

It means that I am committed to living life fully, to embracing my days and showing up for my life, even on days when my son has struggled...even on days when I am struggling.  It means taking it one moment at a time, one step at a time.  It means that I have practices that help me to practice self-care and to be mindfully present - which means that I meet myself where I am honestly - some days are better than others.  I am devoted to true self care as I define it: to be true to and gentle with myself one moment at a time.  

It means remembering who I am and who he is before and beyond this disease.  It means moving toward who we may become as we each heal and grow.  

It means I have met some of the most amazing, sensitive, creative, wise, impactful , intuitive, generous and loving people who are on their own journey of recovery. They show me what’s possible and have opened my eyes and heart to the people they are beyond substance use disorder.

It means that I am committed to using the pain, lessons, love, compassion, and growth I have experienced to support others in their recovery, both family members and individuals.

It also means that I will join with other recovery advocates to break the silence and shatter the stigma around substance use disorder and call for love and compassion toward those impacted.
#recoverymonth #recoveryispossible
#familiesrecover

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    About me...

    I am a writer, coach, and teacher, and I love capturing life's many moments through writing, whether that be journalling, blogging, poetry, or essay.  I have always found the written word as a natural way for me to express what lies within.  

    This is the space where we get real.  I will write about my life experiences and things that I find my clients encounter in their daily lives.   

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Barb Klein
Inspired Possibility
585-705-8740
barb@inspiredpossibility.com