Category: Transition

How Might Gratitude Support You?

11/22/2017

At this time of year gratitude and thankfulness are everywhere. So I have been reflecting on how gratitude serves us, particularly when times are tough.

Gratitude in times of Transition

Transition and change, whether they are wanted or not, are uncomfortable and challenging. They rock our world and throw us into unfamiliar and even more uncertain than usual territory. Recently having gone through a big move, I’ve had a chance to feel this earth-shattering reality, even though I was making a change I very much wanted.

One of the things that kept me grounded throughout the ups and downs of house buying and selling was my daily gratitude practice. Why? Because at times when I was irrationally terrified, it balanced my perspective with a look at the things that were at least all right in my daily life. It offset the natural human tendency to look at what’s wrong or anticipate the next disaster that might be lurking just around the corner.

When I was filled with excitement, joy, and eager anticipation, gratitude helped me to celebrate and take that in. As much as we have a tendency to notice the “negative,” we also often seem to be conditioned to downplay or dismiss “positive” moments. The pause of appreciative reflection allows us to take in and enjoy these happy moments.

What is Gratitude?

Gratitude is about noticing things we appreciate and coming into relationship with what IS. Sometimes we can even be grateful for fear, anger, or sadness because they reveal something to me that needs to be seen – they uncover a layer of reality. Gratitude isn’t always about sunshine and rainbows! It also isn’t about jumping over sad, angry or fearful feelings to get to a place of feeling good or looking for the silver lining. But, it can help open us to see beyond what’s right in front of us that may feel all-consuming.

How Can Gratitude Support Me?

So, how might gratitude support you if you are going through a transition? If you’ve recently lost a job or a relationship, and you’re not sure what lies ahead, it might be tough to see or feel anything positive. But if you were to take a few moments each day to find even the smallest thing to appreciate, it could shift not only your view of life but how you show up in life, to your family, and to the world at large (including to people you might be interviewing with or asking for support).

Research has shown that people who practice gratitude are healthier, have more optimism and happiness, create stronger relationships, and are more generous. These sound like traits of someone I’d want to be around (or hire!)… how about you?

What IS a Gratitude Practice?

What’s a gratitude practice look like? Whatever you want it to! The key is to not make it a big “to do” or one more thing to add to your list of tasks to complete. Find a way to bring in gratitude that feels supportive and nourishing for you. Different things work for different people. The first step is to slow down enough to even make the inquiry and notice what am I grateful for? If you’re not in the habit of thinking this way or asking yourself that question, it may take a while to shift from your regularly programmed thinking.

Here are some ideas to get you started. Maybe upon waking you reflect on a few things you are grateful for before you even get out of bed; this is a beautiful way to start your day and can really influence how you approach whatever is before you. You might want to keep a gratitude journal and jot down things you appreciate throughout the day. Perhaps what works for you is an evening reflection before bed. It’s a soothing bedtime routine and a great counter to the all too common thought that often creeps in that says “That day was a waste.” or “Wow, what a horrible day I had!” It doesn’t matter whether you write, mentally note, or speak out loud your gratitude as long as you’ve taken some time to notice and acknowledge it.

Even on some of my most horrible days, I’ve been able to find things that I am truly, honestly grateful for – the cleansing tears that allowed my broken heart to crack open a little bit more and relieved me of having to hold it together; having a pillow to scream into and punch when my anger consumed me; loud music and a good car scream; the friend who made me laugh even when I wanted to cry or the friend who simply sat with me and let me feel what I was feeling.

Don’t know where to get started? How about appreciating having clean air to breathe, fresh running water to drink, sunshine, a roof over your head, a fresh idea, or the beauty of birdsong. Don’t force it. Begin with what feels true to you. Notice something you truly do appreciate. Then mentally reflect, write it, draw it, paint it, sing it, share it with a loved one… whatever works for you!

If you’d like some practices to support you in cultivating gratitude, you might visit Greater Good In Action, where you will find several simple meditations and exercises to get you started or to enhance an existing practice.

Have fun exploring how gratitude might support you. Please let us know what you discover!!

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OK, So THAT Happened… Now What?

11/14/2016

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My husband and I have a way of saying, “Sooooo, that just happened,” in unbelievable moments when our world has just been rocked, and we’re trying to find our footing a bit. It helps us to take a step back, smack ourselves back into reality, and realize that we have to figure out what our next move will be.

Election 2016 in the US is behind us. Thank goodness, because, quite frankly, it’s one of the most ugly, upsetting, and divisive things I’ve experienced in my 52 years of life! And, sadly, the ugliness has not gone away.

And, if like me, you found yourself reeling as the states were called and what felt like an impossibility became possible and then very real, you might be trying to find your ground now and trying to figure out how to move forward.

It’s been almost a week and it’s clear that many are still reeling, and that is totally okay. As one of my teachers said today, “This isn’t like losing the World Series.” No, this is far bigger and far more important.

For those of you who are grieving now, feeling sad, angry, confused, lost, hopeless, fearful, and don’t know what to do next, I stand with you and I offer you this post. It is easy to sink into despair and project out into the future with doom and gloom scenarios. It’s all too easy to engage in defensive or attacking battle in the social media world. With the rhetoric that has been spewed, the anger-inciting behavior we’ve witnessed, the early actions taken, and the violent reactions we’re seeing, it’s easy to go there.

Let me reassure you all that I am not offering any Pollyanna BS, nor am I asking you to find a silver lining. I will not pretend to hold your answers, and I will not tell you to get over this. Nor do I intend to add fuel to the fire and rile you up for battle. My hope is only to walk with you as we move into tomorrow.

It’s taken me days to finish this post because I am swimming in my own confusion and in the murkiness of all that’s being hurled around in the news and on Facebook. Never before have I seen such a free-for-all of opinion sharing, judgment, shame, blame, and flat out attacks on those who view the world and the situation differently.

I’ve certainly had my own opinions, shared my own views, and openly questioned things that simply couldn’t land in my heart and head. I’ve been uncharacteristically vocal during this election and in its aftermath because it feels too important not to be silent. And I make no pretense of being “holier than thou” here. I am doing the best I can with what I’ve got.

So, what now? Early on November 9, my first move after hearing the news was to turn to my teachers via social media to see how they were reacting. And, what I found was…nothing. Crickets… They weren’t there yet, because they too were reeling. They had no more inspiration to offer in the midst of shock than I did. They were taking their own time to be stunned, to feel, to grieve, and to maybe come to some level of groundedness before they could speak.

As I struggled with my own shock, sadness, grief, fear, and confusion, after I sobbed… after I got to yoga and moved a bit, I came home to myself and to the wisdom of my many teachers. I share it with you now in the hopes that perhaps some of it may be useful for you in this or other turbulent times.

From Tara Brach – Ask the poignant question, “Are you at war with reality?” This election is over. The results are in, and I only cause myself more suffering by denying it with screams of “Nooooooo!” or spinning into “How, how, how did this happen?” Though these were certainly among my first reactions. Being at war with what is does not serve me; I need to find a way to accept it as reality, though I do not have to like it or get over it. I have to come to terms with what’s before me.

From Renee Trudeau – Pause. It is so essential to stop and just breathe for a moment when it seems like everything is in a frenzy. Pause to create some space around what’s happening. Pause to find my breath. Pause to tune into what’s coming up for me and within me.

From Tara again (and Renee and Jen Louden who reinforce this regularly) – Be with what’s here. Notice what’s happening in my body. Feel into it. Don’t try to chase it away, but just be with it. Notice it, allow it, and then nurture myself in the loving way I would a dear friend. Feel the pain and the suffering. Do not jump over it or try to do a bypass of it. Be with it.
From Renee again – Remember the critical importance of self-care and her beautiful definition: “Self-care is the art of attuning and responding to our needs and desires, moment to moment.” What is it I need in this moment? The pausing and the noticing gives me a shot at answering this question. This is all I can do. Only by taking good care of me can I have any hope of offering anything to anyone else. I must begin here now that I’ve found and caught my breath.

“I will not abandon myself!” This has been my most powerful mantra since I first learned it from Renee a couple of years ago. Nothing and no one can take me away from my values, what I stand for, what’s true and integral for me. And, I need to remember first and foremost to be here for myself in loving kindness and gentleness as I notice what’s up and again offer myself the space to be real with what’s here and to nurture myself accordingly.

From Jen Louden – Remember to believe in our essential goodness – my own and everyone else’s. This is a hard one right now because it doesn’t feel like love, kindness, compassion, or goodness have been at play to bring about this outcome. And, yet, the people who voted for Trump are the same neighbors and community members they were yesterday – the sweet couple with their little girl behind me in line to vote. I don’t know who his voters are, but for the most part, I believe they’re voting their conscience. I believe this, even when we strongly disagree on so much. And, beyond the extremists who voice their hatred and bigotry openly and loudly, I do not believe labelling an entire group of people is helpful or fair.

I need to remember our common humanity, and that we have more in common than not. Putting people into camps of “us” vs. “them” does not serve me or anyone else and only deepens the divide. Yet, this is what I continue to see playing out over and over in thread after thread. It’s exhausting and it’s disheartening. This does not serve the future of our country. We’ve been there before. The Civil War springs immediately to mind. I’m not looking for a replay of that.

From Laura Berman Fortgang – “Discomfort = growth.” There is tons of discomfort here, so where is the opportunity for growth? Where are the opportunities to show up? What is my discomfort bringing up and what is it calling me to? Nothing changes when we stay comfortable. This election certainly has shaken us up and feels like a wake-up call. We can’t go back to sleep.

From my own life experience – Sometimes it takes being shaken up to get out of complacency. Often it’s from the darkest moments that we do our greatest work. Life is calling us to show up now – our wisdom, our love, our debate, our commitment, our passion, our questions, our action – they’re being shaken awake and we need them all.

I remembered the things that ground me, that bring me back to clarity. I remembered to come home to myself. For me this means I need silence, stillness, space and time for reflection and meditation. I need to get to yoga. I need to write. I need to find my breath and anchor there when there is nothing else that I can grasp onto. I need to surround myself with mindful people and have honest conversations; connection feels really important right now. I need to try to tap into faith, and I’m finding that hard. I need to remember that I’m resilient as hell, and so are we as a collective. We will get through. What it will look like on the other side, I don’t know.

From the recovery world – You have to hit bottom before you can sober up and get on the road to recovery. These are sobering times, for sure. Maybe this is our bottom.

One of the things that came out in this election which greatly saddened me was the clarity of how deeply divided we are, of how far we have NOT come since Martin Luther King Jr. or Susan B. Anthony. It also saddened me to think that the “change” we just voted for might actually set us back in time and deepen the divide. We’ve been given many reasons to believe it could.

So, it was a sobering day for many of us and it’s been a turbulent, sobering, and explosive time in the past week. And, so the road to recovery lies before us, and we can step on it as we are ready, when we are ready, and not until we are. For now, be where you are… feel it rather than stuff it, but don’t get stuck in the swamp of doom and gloom never to rise again – we need you.

So, we find a force that motivates and mobilizes us – whether it’s the power of hope, or the strong drive for justice. We listen to where we are being called. And, when we hear the call (which will be different for each of us), we show up. It could be for the environment, civil rights, healthcare, or poverty – there are so many areas that need you. Where are you being called and how might you begin to take action there and make the impact that only you can?

Perhaps it’s time we don’t rely on the government for funding or support. Dark times often lead us to do great things.

The reality is that how YOU show up to your life matters. Nothing has changed this. How you show up (positively or negatively) ripples out. What energy do you want to bring as we move forward? For move forward we must, each in our own time. I know some are not ready yet. I’m not sure I am, but I do know that the sun keeps rising and the moon still moves steadily through its cycles. As one of my friends noted last week, I take comfort in the rhythms of nature.

What is it that will carry you on, one step at a time into the tomorrow we walk toward together? What will comfort you and nourish you in a time when your energy is needed? Who do you want in your world? Who’s your support and who challenges you to greatness? What are the practices that can bring you back to “this moment?” What will stop you from projecting out to an unknown future? We must begin where we are. And, whatever you do, please do not go back to sleep.

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Life is Precious

2/16/2016

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Recently I have been reminded of the preciousness of life in many ways. These wake-up calls to the impermanence of life come up regularly, and we remember for a short time. Then we so easily slip back into business as usual. And, yet, the urgency never leaves. The urgency to live life now. To remember that this is not a dress rehearsal or a step toward something greater than this moment. This is it – our only guaranteed moment is the one we are in right now. Today. This moment. Now is the time to live, to love, to show up to all that you are, to let your light shine. Why wait?

In the past week in my very small circle of awareness:
- a baby enters the world in timing that is considered “too early”

- a young girl, barely into her teens takes her own life, far too soon, robbing herself of any possible tomorrows or a better future

- an older teen learns to feel the pain of a friend who’s lost his sibling and finds a little more love and appreciation in his heart for his own family

- a young man loses touch with his worth and steps back on the path of self-sabotage, numbing the pain in the only way he knows

- a great man who has humbly walked among us asking “How may I serve?” leaves his body prematurely and joins the angelic realm

- a mother mourns the unimaginable loss of a murdered child and begins her own long, tenuous, and tortuous healing journey

- A mother loses herself briefly, drowning in her child’s pain, and then finds herself again, remembering her strength, purpose and passion that goes beyond parenting. She shows up to life once again, ready to create and be all that she was born to be, all that she can be.

Most of this is happening only in my periphery, and yet it touches my heart and wakes up my soul. I am left to remember that none of this is for me to judge, question, or change, but only to be with.To trust. To love.To forgive. To find compassion even when it feels impossible. It’s been quite a powerful week…

Everywhere in every moment, this cycle of life rolls on… birth, death, re-birth. We cannot control it, no matter how hard we try. We cannot stop it. We may never understand it or be ok with it. But, we can miss a lot if we keep on trying to fix, figure out, and control stuff that is not ours.

What we can do is commit to ourselves to stand for life – today we commit to show up to the world as the most authentic version of ourselves in every moment. For when we show up in truth and authenticity, grace follows. As we release the struggle and resistance to what “should not be,” we free ourselves and open to broader perspective and new possibility. How might you show up today? What do you stand for? Where can you let go a little and free yourself in the process?

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Pause...

1/6/2015

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I’m writing a somewhat different New Year’s message than most, and I write it as much as a caution to myself as to anyone else. I am an avid learner. I am committed to my own growth and the growth of others. And, I can easily overload myself with more input than I can possibly take in in this lifetime! Pause – stop – take a breath – reflect – tune in before you sign up for every program to make you a “better” person, entrepreneur, partner, etc… Before you commit to lose weight, get in shape, organize everything in your life, earn six figures (preferably in the next 6 weeks), slow down and evaluate. Is this right for me? How is my time and energy best spent? How much time and energy do I really have? How much input can my brain handle and how much do I really want to give it?

What do I most need to feel enriched, fulfilled, energized, supported, and on track for MY goals, for what’s truly most important to me, not what every ad is shouting at me that I need. It’s overwhelming and it’s way too easy to get swept up in the energy of self-improvement that is like a tidal wave after New Year’s day.

The truth is each day, each moment holds the promise of potential and possibility. So, take it easy as you find your own way to your true happiness, fulfillment, and success.

Maybe other people’s goals aren’t yours. Maybe what you need is more down time, more time for true renewal, or more special time with those you love. I encourage you to pause and really listen to your heart, your wisdom that knows what’s best for you. Take some time to consciously, mindfully commit to putting energy, time, and money into those things that will really nurture, excite, and support you to be the best you.

You don’t need to be a “better person” as one ad I heard says – you simply need to honor yourself and make space for the best version of you to emerge. You will find this in silence, in reflection, in pause rather than in reacting to frenetic pleas that all tell you you aren’t good enough as you are.

When you do feel a strong pull from within to something, pay attention, impose your own urgency and get going. Because it’s right for you.

You don’t need to be fixed. You aren’t broken. You are enough. Exactly as you are right now. Free yourself from others’ messages, expectations, and judgments so that you can truly discern what works for you.

What would your ideal day, week, month, year look like? Who would be part of your world? How would you spend your time? What movement does your body really enjoy? What foods nourish and energize you? What practices restore and renew you? Who fills you with joy and inspiration?

Rather than being pushed by shame and guilt to change or remove what you don’t want or don’t like, let yourself be inspired by what you want to bring in, what you want more of, what fills you up so that you can let your light shine in 2015! Pause. Start here.

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Where do You Quit on Yourself?

8/7/2014

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This is a topic we all encounter in at least one critical area of our life, even if we’ve got it locked in in others! Because the topic is so big and multi-dimensional, this is Part 1 of a multi-part series.

You know you want something (to lose weight, save money for that dream vacation/house/car, de-clutter your
space, start a new business, take that seminar)...  You start toward your goal with energy, enthusiasm, and excitement, and
before too long you’re heading back to where you started.  What happened?

For me, this happens in the weight loss/physical fitness arena. Today I am re-committing to myself to eat and exercise consciously and consistently because I know how much better I feel and function all around when I do. So, it’s a good time to write this article!

Here are some reasons why I quit on myself – can you relate to any of them?

1. It’s hard! (Insert best whiney voice here!) Yes, it’s hard to create new ways. It’s hard to change.  It’s hard to plan for healthy meals, find time and energy to work out, and it’s hard to resist temptations.

2. It’s not really “that bad.” I’m lucky that I don’t have to lose that much weight, and I can hide my problem areas very well with clothes (being tall pays off big-time here!). So, even though I know the truth of where the fat hides, what I’d like to look like, and how much better it feels when I start to firm up, slim down, and feed my body healthier food, it’s easy to lay off and convince myself that the current state isn’t “that bad.” I have no health threats, and my weight falls within the normal range.
Complacency sets in and I move nowhere or revert right back to my comfortable starting point.

This can easily happen when it comes to wanting to leave a job, end an unhealthy relationship, or change any habit.
Suddenly you find yourself in a bad way – now you have a health crisis, you get fired, and now you have to make changes from a place of panic and fear. This is not nearly as easy as it is when you are “simply” choosing to make a change.

3. The programs don’t work – maybe you (like me) have joined weight loss groups, paid a hefty sum for gym membership, subscribed to health magazines, enrolled in some classes, and maybe even enlisted a buddy to do this with you… and it’s still not working! What’s that all about?

It turns out it takes more than money and aspiration to make a change. It takes a true investment of the heart, of time, and of energy.

So, if you find yourself in a situation where things aren’t happening for you when you said you wanted change, ask yourself these question to see what might be getting in your way:

Am I really ready for this?
Is now the right time in your life to make this change or are other things going on to get in your way?
This is a tricky one because most likely there will never be a perfect time when all the stars and planets align, everyone in your world is supporting you, your finances are stellar, and there are no bumps in your road.

So, don’t let this become an excuse to not do what you truly want to do, but do notice if you might be piling on beyond what is realistic for you given your current life situation.

And, perhaps the most important question:

Am I really willing?
Am I really willing to do what it takes to create what I want?
Is it really worth it? Do I even know what it will take?
Will there be sacrifices, and am I willing to make them?

Creating change requires commitment, planning, consistency, support, and accountability.
Does it matter enough to me to get out of my comfort zone?
What’s in it for me to motivate me enough to take the necessary steps in a new direction?

Get quiet and take some time to reflect and journal your answers for yourself.  See what comes up as you consider an area where change is not coming in the way that you’d like. Be brutally honest with yourself. There is no one here to fool.
Nothing to prove to anyone else. This is your journey to do in whatever way works for you.

Post your comments here and let us know what you’re learning about what’s getting in your way.
And, if you are really ready and willing, what will you do differently today to get going toward creating what you want?
It all begins with one small step!

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About me...

I am a writer, coach, and teacher, and I love capturing life's many moments through writing, whether that be journalling, blogging, poetry, or essay. I have always found the written word as a natural way for me to express what lies within.

This is the space where we get real. I will write about my life experiences and things that I find my clients encounter in their daily lives.

What's real for you? What would you like me to write about? Feel free to share with me topics you would like to see discussed and please join in the dialogue through the comment section. Your engagement makes the blog a much richer place to hang out!

Thank you for joining me on this journey!!

How Might Gratitude Support You?

OK, So THAT Happened… Now What?

Life is Precious

Pause...

Where do You Quit on Yourself?

About me...

Archives

Categories

How Might Gratitude Support You?

OK, So THAT Happened… Now What?

Life﻿ is Precious

Pause...

Where do You Quit on Yourself?

About me...

Archives

Categories

Life is Precious