Inspired Possibility Blog

Sometimes, More is More...

11/11/2021

After last week’s share about how “Less is More,” I got thinking (as I tend to do), and considering that less is not always more. For instance, after 3 nights of pretty rotten (and not nearly enough) sleep in the energy and noise that is New York City, having a solid night’s sleep in the peace and quiet of this neighborhood I live in reminded me just how delicious a long, uninterrupted sleep is and how much it benefits my whole being!

The “more is more” reflection from my morning journaling:
What is it that I want more of in my life? What do I want to cultivate more of? More peace, more love, more sleep, more deep connection, more fun and laughter! More ease, more presences, more space and breathing room… more time for writing and the things that truly matter.

More compassion and gentleness – less judgment and harshness – for myself and others. More curiosity, less needing to be right or even to know. More wonder, more play. More friendships that inspire and are mutually supportive. More ease (I know I said that already – I see a theme!), less work and worry. More time for contemplation and reflection – more deepening and listening to my own guidance and wisdom.

More time to play and prepare food that is more nourishing to my body, mind, heart, and soul. More love – did I say that already? More openness to possibility with less need to meet anyone else’s standards, to achieve, to prove, or even to do. More being… here, feeling into this moment, appreciating what’s here, looking around and seeing the beauty, breathing in nature’s amazing breathtaking glory.

More fresh air – less TV. More quiet – less noise. More trust, less fear, which means paying attention to whose voices and what influences I allow into my being. More joy. More permission – to be me, to follow my desires, to take time for the things that just plain feel good. Just because.

More deeply felt gratitude. More embodying and living into the things I know intellectually – taking it beyond surface recitation and bringing it into my way of being, of living. Filling up in ways that are truly fulfilling, nourishing, and supportive. More alone time to know what those are. More discernment before I say yes or no.

More heart, less head-guided movement. More slowing down and less rushing to cram in more. More acceptance of my physical, emotional, and very human limitations. More acceptance in general – of the way things are, of other people and their paths and views. But also more intolerance of the places that need it – intolerance where things desperately need to change. More acceptance of the very imperfection of being a human. More acceptance of what’s within my control and concern. More allowing others to create and follow their own paths.

More talking, less scrolling. More cards and letters, fewer texts.

More rest, less busyness.

More – finding more in subtle strength which leads to less need to shout or fight or prove anything. More authentic presence and flow – less pretending and hiding.

More having my breath taken away at the soaring of a bald eagle overhead (that’s twice this week!) More looking around so as not to miss these moments!

And, from after I got out into the world a little bit…
More integrity, less trying to scam people on Facebook Marketplace so that you can steal their phone number for some sort of up-to-no-goodness. (If that seems very specific, unfortunately, it is).

More pulling over and letting people pass when you can’t get up to speed and more letting people in when there’s a lane closure…

More general kindness, decency, respect, and humanity. Less judgment and meanness. Please.

More forgiveness and acceptance when someone’s running late.

More regular cleaning and clearing out so it’s not such a big job when I finally get around to it!

More energy and the things that support that! More pausing, more support, and more ease.

I’m filled up just from taking the time to reflect and from making this list and feeling it permeate my soul. Sometimes more is more, for sure. I’m breathing that in in this space of deep quiet and expansive possibility.

Your Invitation:
Go ahead, play with it! See what comes up for you when you think about “more is more.” What do you want to cultivate more of? And when you have more of___________, what do you have less of? Or more of? Please share with us in the comments what comes up for you! I can’t wait to hear!!

And, Your Gift:
This week, one of my very favorite people in the world and yoga teacher/yoga therapist extraordinaire, Cathy Dasson, from Moving with Presence, is offering us a beautiful Yoga Nidra Relaxation meditation. We can certainly all benefit from more relaxation!! Please give yourself this time. Please give yourself this gift. Your nervous system will thank you (and so will your future self!).

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Less is More

11/9/2021

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Photo Credit Renee Veniskey

Less is more... I know it's true and I feel the relief when I can actually let this idea guide me. And yet, I'm finding that after decades of efforting (and probably over-efforting many, many times), even when I don't think I'm doing or thinking or trying too much, I am. It really takes a lot for me to let down, to do less, to try less hard…

How have I been reminded? My body is showing me. It's coming through in chronic holding patterns in certain muscles that clench and grip all the time, even when they don't need to. It's coming through in tiredness from days that are booked too fully or that I simply fill with too many things and too many hours. It's coming through in carrying an excessive number of books and notebooks with me for short trips, thinking I'll get to way more than I do (and more than I even want to). It's reflected in mental fatigue when I think I can do too many things, accomplish too many tasks, finish too many projects in too little time! It lives in unrealistic expectations imposed upon myself that I would NEVER hold for another human being.

How might this idea that “less is more” be supportive and nourishing if it could truly be embodied and brought to life?

Well, for one, it would open up more space and time on the calendar, allowing for more breathing room, less stress, and more time to pause and relax.
It would come through in a body that feels less tight, less over-worked, less over-stressed, more rested, more open, more expansive.
It would be reflected in less clutter and more open space, fewer clothes overflowing closets and drawers, fewer books taking up every inch of shelf space and beyond (which would also lead to more breathing room and spaciousness).
Overall there would be a sense of trying less hard - less tension and effort in yoga and Tai Chi, and even in meditation. There would be a remembering there's no need or way to be perfect (especially with something that's new!).
It would come through in a more relaxed way of being in the world… letting go of any need to impress anyone or prove anything. Letting go of being the doer-of-all-things and the taker-carer-of-all-people.
There would be a sense of sweet simplicity, taking things one moment at a time - not multi-tasking, double-booking, or over-committing. This is a great time to year to be conscious about that!
There would be fewer programs paid for and never completed or feeling woefully behind in - pausing and discerning before following “bright shiny objects” everywhere would keep you cued in to what is really doable and what would truly be beneficial at this time in your life, given your current reality.
You'd find yourself not packing things too full - programs, PowerPoints, retreats, vacations, days… life!
Life would move at a sustainable pace and in a sustainable way. You could lower the bar on yourself - lessen unreasonable expectations.
You'd experience more lightness, ease, and joy, I believe! As there is less stress, angst, anxiety and worry, there's room for more openness, acceptance, wonder, and support.

What does it require?

Mindful awareness
Discernment
A willingness to resist temptation, the ability to say “no” and to be realistic
Pause (that pause… it's always so, so valuable)
Honesty, particularly with yourself
Gentleness and self-compassion

Of course, I offer all of this hypothetically speaking! I have only a vague idea what it really means to live from a “less is more” place, but I can certainly imagine the possibilities! I am willing to try it out more often!

Your invitation…
Take a few minutes to consider if “less is more” is something you'd like to experiment with in your life. Would it benefit you in any way? How and where might you begin to play with this idea, lightly, gently, and kindly? (no harsh taskmaster in a “less is more” world!).

Is there anything you need to give yourself permission for? A promise you want to make to yourself?

Play with these prompts, if you like:
I'd like less___________and more ___________
I will create less ________ and make room for more ______________
If less is more, what's possible?
Where would I like to begin?

This week's meditation, “Less is More," invites you to apply it to your practice - trying less hard, expecting less of yourself and of your practice.

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5 Simple Steps to Self-Care

10/5/2021

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These days self-care is being over-complicated with tracking devices and apps… it’s being capitalized upon. And that makes it hard to remember that self-care does not have to be hard, time-consuming, costly, or complex. Here are a few steps you can tap into throughout the day – a way to bring mini moments of self-care into your life to support and sustain you.

1.Pause and tune in
Pause is one of the most powerful self-care practices there is – simply interrupting the mindless rush through the day. When we take a mindful pause as a a time to tune in, its power is amplified tremendously! What are we tuning in to? Ourselves.

Slow down, quiet down, make time for yourself. Welcome yourself where you are, as you are, and come with a willingness to be open, curious, compassionate and non-judgmental. Whether you do this in your car in the parking lot before heading into work or home or whether you close your office or bedroom door or you just claim a moment in the midst of people does not matter. You can do this any time, anywhere. It only takes a breath.

2.Ask
From this slowed down, quiet place, connect with your body, your heart, your spirit, your mind and ask them what they need. In this moment in time or in this phase of your life. What is alive for each of these aspects of you? What do they desire? Giving yourself permission to give voice to your needs and desires is critical if you are going to truly honor yourself. Take your time. Ask sincerely and be willing to be surprised. The surprise responses are the ones that let you know you’ve connected to something beyond what your mind already knew at a surface level.

At a time when someone is making a request or demand of you, this quiet time to tune in and check out how that lands in your being is critical. Is this a "yes," a "no," a "maybe," a "not now, but maybe later," or a time to say, "let me think about that and get back to you." Too often we rush to respond before we know what's true for ourselves.

This step can be done as a simple quiet reflection, on a walk, or with your journal handy to jot down what comes through as you ask.

3. Listen/Notice
Sometimes we ask the questions but we forget to take the time to also listen to the responses that are coming to us. Stay in the pause long enough that you are aware of signals and signs. Answers may drop in in the form of words or images, or you may just get a sense of what’s being communicated to you. Feel into your body as you ask and listen – your body offers great guidance. As you consider something do you get a sense of softening, relaxing, opening and expansion or is there a tightening, hardening, or constriction? Get to know your body’s way of directing you.

4. Respond
Perhaps the part we miss most often is actually responding to the information we’ve been given. We take the time to get quiet, sit with ourselves and either have a quiet reflection, meditation, or maybe some journaling time. We get answers about what our body, mind, heart, and spirit are wanting and needing.

And then we go on with our life on auto pilot. We tell ourselves we don’t have time, that we’ll get to it later (or “some day”), or it’s just not that important. We put other people’s needs before our own.

It’s really important as you develop this new way of being in relationship with yourself that you actually act upon the insights you’ve gotten. In order to begin to trust yourself, it’s important that you make yourself a priority and honor what you know you need and want; what's right for you; what you have the bandwidth for.

Either respond in the moment or make a promise to yourself. Maybe even write it down or schedule it in your calendar. You deserve your time and commitment as much as anything or anyone else in your life.

5.Celebrate
Pause again. After you’ve done the thing you said you would do to honor yourself, take the time to acknowledge yourself. You said "no" to a request. You had the hard conversation. You asked for help. You took time to intentionally begin your day... Whatever it is, don’t miss it!

Too often we simply brush it off as no big deal and move on to the next thing on our to-do list. By taking the time to pause and notice and give yourself a little smile, word of appreciation, or pat on the back, you reinforce new habits, build new patterns, and deepen your trust in yourself that you are actually taking a stand for your own peace of mind, for your own well-being. Celebrate doesn’t mean have a party (though you could), but it could mean that you intentionally do something nice for yourself as a reward for taking the time to really take good, loving care of you!

Try weaving these steps into your days and let us know how it goes. Self-care, like meditation, is a practice. We forget, we notice, we come back and begin again. It’s not a once and done thing, but rather a foundational piece to building the life you desire.

When the world rattles you, self-care can be your anchor. It can bring you home to yourself, to your center, to your knowing. It can nourish and fill you up at a time when so many other things are pulling at you and draining you.

“Self-care is being true to and gentle with yourself, one moment at a time.” – Barb Klein

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What Being in Recovery Means to Me

9/16/2021

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Young man (my son) dressed in Senior Ball suit kissing woman (me) in front of a tree

Me and my son 10 years ago (still one of my favorite moments that captures our joy and love)

September is National Recovery Month!

Recovery is possible for people with substance use disorder and for their families! And those things are not dependent on one another.

I am a family member in long-term recovery from the effects of my son’s substance use disorder.

What that means to me is that I have found a way to recover, reclaim, and live my life, while also loving my son. It means that my happiness, peace of mind, and well-being do not depend on his. It means I have accepted that we are separate individuals each walking our own journey and I can honor our paths and our bond. I am grateful to walk alongside him and for the depth of love this journey has brought forward for us.

It means that I am committed to living life fully, to embracing my days and showing up for my life, even on days when my son has struggled...even on days when I am struggling. It means taking it one moment at a time, one step at a time. It means that I have practices that help me to practice self-care and to be mindfully present - which means that I meet myself where I am honestly - some days are better than others. I am devoted to true self care as I define it: to be true to and gentle with myself one moment at a time.

It means remembering who I am and who he is before and beyond this disease. It means moving toward who we may become as we each heal and grow.

It means I have met some of the most amazing, sensitive, creative, wise, impactful , intuitive, generous and loving people who are on their own journey of recovery. They show me what’s possible and have opened my eyes and heart to the people they are beyond substance use disorder.

It means that I am committed to using the pain, lessons, love, compassion, and growth I have experienced to support others in their recovery, both family members and individuals.

It also means that I will join with other recovery advocates to break the silence and shatter the stigma around substance use disorder and call for love and compassion toward those impacted.
#recoverymonth #recoveryispossible
#familiesrecover

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Disappointing People

8/4/2021

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One thing I love about Glennon Doyle is that she is NOT afraid to address hard things or put radical ideas out there that take our breath away! One that has stayed with me since reading Untamed is this: In a conversation with her middle-school aged daughter, Tish, when Tish was worrying about not choosing to join a club that her brother wanted her to, Glennon sagely advised, “Then don’t.” “But I don’t want to disappoint him.” What followed brings me to tears every time I really take it in. Here’s Glennon to Tish:
“Listen. Every time you’re given a choice between disappointing someone else and disappointing yourself, your duty is to disappoint that someone else. Your job, throughout your entire life, is to disappoint as many people as it takes to avoid disappointing yourself…Especially me.”

Whew! Woah! Let me catch my breath and let’s look at that. I certainly didn’t have a mother who encouraged me to disappoint anyone, especially her (not that she was openly disappointed with me often, but this was not the rule of the game of life).

I do not read this as a directive to set out to hurt others or to intentionally see how many people you can disappoint. But I do see it as an opportunity to not abandon, sacrifice, or disappoint yourself, which I think we do way too frequently without giving it a second thought. This is an invitation to possibly get really uncomfortable as you find a new way to be in the world.

How often do you set your needs or desires aside because of what someone else needs or wants? How often do you think nothing of disappointing yourself? Honestly...

Last week I wrote about being true to yourself as part of my definition for self-care in A Fresh Take on Self-Care. Being true to ourselves, honoring ourselves, is at the heart of true and deep self-care. It is also key to being in integrity.

And, listen, sometimes when we are true to ourselves, when we make a decision that honors our sweet heart, body, or soul, someone we care about very much might be disappointed. When we say “no” to an invitation or opportunity. When we refuse a request because we just don’t have it in us or it doesn’t feel right at this moment. When we say “yes” to something that conflicts with another’s desire, we will disappoint someone else.

Life is full of choices. Every “yes” is a “no” to something else, and so there are lots of opportunities for disappointing someone!

When you make a choice to leave a job, end a relationship, sell the family home, move far away from all your people, say “no” to helping, etc… someone will likely be sad, angry, hurt, or disappointed.

What happens inside you when you consider disappointing someone you really care about? How does that feel in your body?
What is the story you tell yourself about who you would be if you disappointed another person?

I don’t know about you, but I get a little queasy. I may have a story that this isn’t what a “nice person” or a “good mother/daughter/sister/friend” does. I might try to dance around making that decision. I will surely delay as long as possible. I will consider heavily just giving in or settling for what they want, because it feels easier. It feels familiar. It’s what I’ve done for decades. Far easier to disappoint me – then I only have to deal with myself!

I wish I had had a parent who gave me permission or even implored me to disappoint others in order to avoid hurting my own heart or spirit. I wish I had been that mother for my kids… I wasn’t, but I’m getting there. I feel the strength and freedom in the incredible gift Glennon gave her daughter in this moment. One small conversation with a middle school girl gave her permission to follow her own path, to trust her heart, to honor her joy. Whewie! Let’s have more of that please!

I haven’t yet explicitly shared it with my young adult kids, but I hope to. I want to set them free of needing to be or do anything for me (or anyone) that goes against their spirit.

Your turn to reflect…

~ What is the cost of disappointing yourself to avoid disappointing others?
~ How do you get clear about making a decision that is FOR you even if it seems to be against someone else? What if there’s more to it (because there always is)?
~ How can you take a stand for yourself, have your own back and communicate your message in a way that is clean, clear, and straightforward?
~ What helps you to make these choices, even when they are painfully hard?
~ When have you had to do this and how has it worked out for you? What are the upsides of disappointing others to avoid disappointing yourself?
~ How might you play with this idea? Who might you share it with? Who might you free?

Please share. Please share your reflections and thoughts about this whole idea… it’s a dicey one! And one that feels like a really important game-changer in this thing called life.

Stay tuned for next week’s post with more thoughts about making these tough decisions!

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A Fresh Take on Self-Care

7/27/2021

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Self-care is a phrase that’s tossed around everywhere these days and it’s being used in some ways to make people feel like they’re not good enough or like they’re falling short in some area of life. It’s being used as a way that can people feel more anxious as they track steps or minutes of meditation. It often feels like one more thing on an already overflowing to-do list or one more expense in a budget stretched thin.

Self-care is not something we were taught as children and many of us were encouraged to put others’ needs before our own. And yet, self-care is the foundation for anything else you want to do in life. If you’re not caring for yourself, it’s unsustainable to go on for long without finding yourself exhausted, depleted, grumpy, resentful, or burnt out. If you want to contribute to the greater good, you first need to be well resourced and filled up.

So, what do I mean when I say “self-care?” What’s my working definition of this idea I have been exploring, practicing, and teaching for the past 8 years?

For years I have worked with Renee Trudeau’s definition, “Self-care is the art of attuning and responding to your needs and desires, moment by moment.”

I love this definition because it makes it clear that it’s not something that we come by naturally – it’s something we learn and practice and become better at the more we work at it. It is an art. There’s a beauty to it.

The idea of “attuning and responding” is critical, because lots of times we KNOW what our needs are, but we don’t take the time to respond to them. We skip meals, over-riding the hunger cues that come and eventually go, to keep on working. We never go to the bathroom during the day despite an obvious need for that simple relief. We ignore the need to rest or sleep or the need for a break to refresh the mind… We know… we know what we need to do differently, and we can do a much better job of responding to what we know. We can become a trustworthy ally to ourselves when we begin to listen inwardly and respond accordingly.

“Moment by moment” is also key because it reminds us that self-care isn’t something that only happens at the scheduled appointments or classes. It’s not something we will get to once a week or once a month. It’s something we can offer ourselves throughout each day, in each moment, when we are tuned in to ourselves.

For the past 8 years I have worked deeply with self-care. It’s amazed me how vast the concept is and how my understanding of it has deepened and expanded as I work with it, embody it, bring it into my daily life. It continues to grow in relevance and meaning. Mostly I have learned that self-care isn’t so much about what you do as how you are with yourself. It’s about cultivating a loving commitment to yourself. It’s about coming home to yourself and having that home be a safe, kind, and welcoming place.

In simplest terms, here’s what resonates with me at this moment:

“Self-care: Being true to and gentle with yourself, one moment at a time.”
~ Barb Klein

Being true to yourself means honoring yourself, the needs of your body, mind, heart, and spirit, knowing what works for you and what doesn’t (because, let’s face it, not everything is a good fit for everyone), knowing what your boundaries and limits are (moment by moment), and knowing what your capacity is and what’s sustainable for you.

Being true to yourself means saying “no” when that’s what you mean, even if that might mean disappointing someone else. Being true to yourself means stepping away when you need some quiet time, even if people might want you around. Being true to yourself means following teachers who resonate with what feels right inside your heart and gut and not letting yourself get talked into something just because someone says you should. Being true means trusting your intuition, your inner hunches and knowing and following your sparks of inspiration. These are just some ways we can be true to ourselves. It is so freeing the more true we are!

For example, I have been down on myself about my weight… the “Covid 15” is real in this body. I was revisiting the idea of trying the South Beach diet again (which I did years ago with some success and subsequent weight gain), eliminating sugar (and maybe a bunch of other stuff) which immediately throws me into a need to chow down on all the things I think I’m not going to eat again – deprivation mode… does not work for me. It also doesn’t work for me to be beating myself up, calling myself harsh words, or feeling guilty or ashamed for how I look, that my clothes don’t fit any more, or for what I eat. Enter the idea to “be gentle with yourself.” I realized that most of the diet tactics I’ve tried don’t work for me and that they all feel pretty aggressive and harsh… I needed to find something that allowed me to be true to myself.

I am so grateful I pulled out the book Eat to Love by Jenna Hollenstein (who, in addition to being an anti-diet dietitian who helps people struggling with chronic dieting, disordered eating, and body image, was also one of my meditation instructor teachers and someone I trust and respect). With the support of this book I am taking a much more gentle approach in regards to food, eating, and my body. Through the book, Jenna is helping me learn to trust my body’s wisdom, tune into its signals for hunger and fullness, as well as respect what and when I want to eat. I am realizing how conditioned I have been to not trust and honor my own body. It’s refreshing to begin to love myself in a new way.

Being gentle with yourself means that we recognize that being harsh or punitive is rarely motivating and that beating ourselves up only wears us down. Being gentle means treating ourselves with grace and compassion, letting go of the idea of perfection, and offering the same love and care that we would offer to those we love and care about. When you are gentle with yourself, you have permission to try something and decide you don’t like it. You can play with things, experimenting to discover what works for you and what doesn’t. You can adapt your practices to fit the reality of your life day by day rather than holding onto rigid expectations. You can bring in a lighthearted approach to the way you move through life.

One moment at a time is the best way I’ve found to approach life. When I remember it (key notation!), it allows me to stay in the present, to not get too far ahead of myself in projected stories or ideas of how things are going to turn out. It allows me to face what’s here and to respond based on what’s true for me in this moment. It allows me to avoid overwhelm by taking on too much at once.

We only need to deal with this moment, right here, right now. That doesn’t mean we don’t think about the future consequences of our choices… but it does mean that we only need to make the choices that are before us now. It means we can adjust… we can change our minds or our course as needed. We don’t need to try to take on the next week or year or twenty years all at once. One moment, one breath, one choice at a time, we treat ourselves with respect and gentle loving care.

Self-care is an ongoing practice
When we remember that self-care is an ongoing practice…not something you do and check off your list as done or mastered, we can be gentle with ourselves when we forget what we know or when we don’t do what we wish we had. One moment at a time reminds us that we can choose differently in that next moment. The number of fresh starts we can take is unlimited.

Your turn:

What are your thoughts? How do you define self-care? How are you true to and gentle with yourself? What gets in your way? Please share! Let’s learn and grow together.

**Sidenote: If you’re interested in finding out more about being true to your body and trusting its wisdom, I invite you to check out the book Eat to Love and Jenna’s website. Also, Glennon Doyle and her sister, Amanda, had a recent episode on “Our Bodies: Why are we at war with them and can we ever make peace? “ on their We Can Do Hard Things podcast which was a refreshing exploration of this topic.

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Getting Grounded

7/20/2021

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Phew! It's been a doozy of a week for me - lots of dips into funks, times of abandoning myself, questioning myself, doubting myself, getting down on myself… for no particular reason that I can pinpoint, which is the worst kind of out of sorts for me! I like to at least understand what's going on.

I try to remember that we all have these funks and I've talked to a lot of people who seem to be riding these funk waves with me at this time, but knowing it's to be expected and I'm not alone helps only a little. Sometimes I am better at being with the discomfort of it, and other times I really just want it to stop… to go away!

I definitely know that the more I'm able to let things be as they are and not aggressively try to change them, the more quickly it will move on through.

I also know that when the inner turmoil is stirring it can be really unsettling, and at times we even feel shaken up, not grounded at all. So, the theme this week is getting grounded.

Getting Grounded:

One of the quickest ways to do this is to simply feel your feet on the floor (or barefeet on the earth if you can), feel your body being held by the seat, bed, or ground, let out a few audible sighs, maybe even imagining the stress or burden sliding right off your shoulders. Notice how your body wants to move. Does your neck want some gentle circles? Do you want to wiggle or stretch in any way? Let yourself move until you are just a little more comfortable. Find yourself in this moment - look around - what do you see? What do you hear? Who else is nearby? Are you safe here? (If not, please find a way to get to a place where you are).

If you're feeling super agitated, you might want to shake your hands and arms (and maybe even your feet and legs) as if you're shaking off whatever it is that's getting to you.

Feel your breath - notice its natural rhythm and quality in this moment without trying to change anything. With each breath invite your belly to soften. Place your hands on your lap or on your heart or on your belly… feel your own warmth and tender touch - this is a gesture of self-compassion. Let yourself know that you are here for you.

Allow yourself a little time to not need to DO anything or to figure anything out, but simply to be here with yourself. Take the time you need… Connecting with your breath and feeling your body. Support yourself to get into your body in this moment in time. If there is any gentle reassurance you want to offer to yourself, please do… things like, “I'm here… we've got this… I love you. We will get through this. Shhhh….” can be tried out. If you find a phrase that softens your body a bit, offer that to yourself - lean into it. Let the softness come.

Repeat as often as needed. I've needed it a lot lately. After I feel a little more grounded I've found it to be helpful to take note of what's true in this moment by either writing about “In this moment…” simply allowing my pen to move across the page about whatever is here right now for a few minutes or just saying aloud or silently to myself, “OK, in this moment…” This helps to bring a reality check to this moment, this time, and keeps me from running away with the thoughts that may be carrying me in 900 different directions at once. Right here. Right now. Be here now. (Sometimes I recite this simple phrase to myself with every inhale, exhale, and pause).

How do you get grounded? I'd love to hear - please share your ideas so that we can add to our available practices!

I've recorded this guided meditation to support you in getting grounded. I invite you to give yourself a few minutes and allow yourself this time to settle in to this moment.

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Our Need for R.E.S.T...

7/13/2021

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Coming back from a couple of days away with my husband, Tom, I am reminded how vital REST is to our spirits, bodies, minds, hearts, and nervous systems. While we were away our only goals were to rest, relax, have fun, and flow with our days.

Yesterday I spent the day reading, writing, and relaxing by the pool – dipping in when the sun got too hot, getting in the shade when I needed a break from the sun, and talking and laughing with Tom. We were lighthearted and delighted by the simplicity of the day. We did not allow work or phones to interrupt our time. We consciously chose to take this time together to enjoy life and one another. Summer is a great and easy time to do this as it seems to lend itself to it – there’s a collective energy of play, vacation, and lightness.

On our drive home we listened to a podcast with Broadway sensation, Lin-Manuel Miranda, a wildly creative man! He shared that much of his inspiration for his shows came when he was in a relaxed state – floating in a pool or on vacation. Of course, there’s much hard work involved in bringing what he creates to life, but there is also an opening for creativity that happens when he is in a state of rest.

I have experienced this myself and witnessed it in others – it may look like we’re procrastinating or not creating because there isn’t yet anything to show the world. But, in reality, when we slow down and give ourselves some spaciousness, our mind is free to dream, to imagine, to visualize and we are open to receive bursts of insight, inspiration, and artistry. Percolation time is a necessary precursor (at least for some of us) for spurts of creativity.

It struck me that we all have a deep need for rest, for so many reasons. As a society we are often rest-deprived, placing value on busy-ness and productivity over this restorative space that can feel like nothing is happening. What we miss is that often, something important is still going on even though there isn’t outer evidence or product to show. When we have time and space, we can access fresh perspectives for problem solving, and our imagination can dream up things that wouldn’t be possible if we forced them. When our nervous system can relax, we are not in a state of fight or flight, but rather receptivity, wonder, and openness. We are more likely to respond more thoughtfully than react mindlessly.

I offer you this way to look at REST:
R – Re-boot
E – Exit
S – Space
T – Time

Re-boot: Just as your computer or phone can get bogged down or frozen and needs to be powered down and then re-started, we too need periodic re-boots. Without taking a break, we become overly reactive, spinning (just like that annoying circle on your computer), going nowhere. Our nerves are frayed, we’re depleted and drained. We need to interrupt this spinning by stepping back from the habitual pace at which we move and the typical things we mindlessly do. We need to power down, unplug - choose to give ourselves an intentional break to refresh, rejuvenate, re-fuel, re-energize (so many great R words… I could go on forever, but I’ll spare you! You can add your own). This allows us to start up again with renewed energy, fresh perspective, a lighter heart.

Exit – Like a performer, sometimes we need to “exit stage left” from the center of our lives where all the activity is happening. Get out of the spotlight, step behind the curtain, take off the costume, mask, and makeup and just BE. Whether you step away for 3 minutes, 3 days, or 3 weeks, an intentional exit will give you a chance to re-boot.

Space – We need space in our lives – physical space, space in our schedule, distance from one another and time between activities. I was highly aware of this on our drive. I want several car lengths between me and the car ahead of me; I want to change lanes well before I need to make a turn and in a time when it’s safe to get over.

This tendency transfers to life for me. I don’t want to be squeezed into a tight space where I have to react without thinking, to feel pushed or rushed. In traffic or in daily life, these scenarios make me anxious. It’s easy to fill our schedules so tightly with calls or meetings that there is no room between meetings for a bathroom or meal break or even time to do the actual work. It’s even easier to fill our schedules so that there is no time available for the mini reboots (a quick walk outdoors, a conversation with a friend, a breath of fresh air or a day off), and we begin to feel an internal pressure of constraint and overwhelm. We need breathing room in our days in order to think clearly, be inspired or creative, show up to life’s challenges at the top of our game (or at least closer to it).

Time – We need time… time alone, time to move more slowly, time to breathe, time to connect and time to reflect. This goes very closely with space, as you can see. We need to allow ourselves more time than we think we need to get places and finish tasks!! How many of you are overly optimistic when it comes to those kinds of things? When we give ourselves time, we create the space which allows us to exit or step aside for a moment or more in order to re-boot.

How do you know when you need a REST?

What are your signals when it’s time for you to give yourself this critical R.E.S.T.? How does your body let you know? Your mind? Your heart? Your spirit? Learn to listen more closely for these internal signals so that you can respond with self-compassion and kindness. We want to be proactive in creating this time of R.E.S.T so that we don’t find ourselves “resting” with a headache, illness, or injury.

Taking time to re-boot, exit, and allow space and time will have a ripple effect! Not only do you benefit – the people in your life will thank you too! Give it a try and please let us know your thoughts and experiences here. How do you like to give yourself R.E.S.T.? What happens when you don’t? What’s your promise to yourself in terms of honoring this need in the next little while?

In need of a R.E.S.T? Join me on retreat...

If you're in need of some serious rest, please consider joining me, Sandra Sabene, and Carol Moon for this year's Let Your Light Shine Retreat, September 24-28th at the deeply restorative space that is Light on the Hill Retreat Center in the gorgeous Finger Lakes of Western NY! We have created this time to allow you lots of space and time to let down, to connect with your inner wisdom and inspiration, to renew and be deeply nourished physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually! Early bird registration closes July 31st!

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Human Happens... It's OK!

1/26/2021

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Grumpy cat (weird for "Human Happens" I admit but this face... oh my!)

Remember that great book, “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day?” I think he did have a string of rotten things happen to him that had him dreaming of running away to Australia… or maybe he just had a rotten day. It happens.

I found myself in a rotten foul mood for no good reason at all (but we think we need a reason, don’t we!?) In fact, there were lots of reasons on that particular day that I “should” have been happy! The sun was shining, I had nothing but a great day planned, my arm was pain-free for the first time in a long time, on and on and on… And the fact that I “should” have been happy only made it worse that I really wanted to jump out of my own skin! (that never goes well, by the way!)

My mind wanted to make sense of it (as minds do)… if I could understand it, then my brain could categorize it, and tuck it away neatly in a file as that reason for bad moods… My self-care teacher self knew all of the things I COULD do to try to shift it, but I wanted nothing to do with any of them. In fact, these are the times when I want to throw my own book across the room and I tell my own teachings to “F%$K off!” My Buddhist teachings kicked in to remind me to just be with it. That really didn’t feel great, but in the end, that’s the path I took.

Being human is messy. Life is messy. Bad moods will come. Good moods will come. Inspiration will rise up and at other times, like the other day, we will find ourselves flailing and floundering in the dark... feeling we have nothing to offer the world. In those dark pit of ick moments it’s hard to see the way out and the last thing we want to hear is “This too shall pass…” Will it!? I’m sure it will, but right now, this is where I am – let me be!

Even today as I reflected on it in my journaling, I noted that I am feeling “more like myself” with some small sense of relief. Then I noticed the implied judgement in that… as if “myself” is the one who is uplifting and inspired and feeling good… as if the me who is down, depressed, pissy, and just irritable for no good reason is not really me.

Whew! This being human is not for the faint of heart, especially if, like me, you love exploring this inner landscape which can get oh so messy and confusing at times!

But what’s really important is for each of us to remember that human happens. Human isn’t always pretty, it isn’t always what we prefer, it includes all the feelings and all the thoughts and worries, and it can swoop in unexpected and uninvited. When it does, what we do with it matters. How we treat ourselves in these moments matters.

There is a movement out there that supports the idea that we should feel good all the time and that the goal is to get to that feel good state at all costs and as soon as possible. This, my friends, is spiritual BS, spiritual bypassing. Even if we buy into the idea that peace is our natural inherent state and that love is what we’re made of, we are still going to have terrible, rotten, no good days for no obvious reason. And it is OK!!

Self-care doesn’t mean do all the things so you can feel better as soon as possible. Self-care means sit with yourself, as you are in your current state of exhaustion, confusion, anger, sadness, or ugliness… that’s it. Just be with yourself there and give yourself tender loving care and acceptance. OK, this is how it’s gonna be right now. I don’t like it, but I’m willing to sit with this discomfort. You’re not doing life wrong. You’re not doing anything wrong. You are simply being your very real, very vulnerable, very tender, open-hearted self. Cause, damn it, the more open our hearts are, the more we will feel! (I offer you this meditation – Befriending Yourself – to help you sit with yourself lovingly).

Now, might my bad mood be a natural after-effect from the happenings in the world, the relief and coming down after Wednesday’s inauguration and the end of an intensive 5-day training? Might I have just simply hit a wall of exhaustion after 11 months of COVID? Sure, maybe… And, who cares? What I want to do is to normalize bad days. To give each of us permission to just have a bad day… without apology, without explanation, without worry, without shame. And, actually, to even expect them. They are part of riding the waves… it’s unsustainable to stay in the crest all the time. The dip, the fall, the drop will inevitably come, until the next swell.

To think that we are “less than” on these days, that we should somehow apologize for ourselves, hide away, and pretend to be ok when we are not is the very opposite of loving self-care. To put up a false front is to chop off a very real part of ourselves and that’s just cruel…

Human happens. You’re human. I’m human. It’s OK. Some days are just like this. This too shall pass… (cue the throwing of the book or tomatoes, or whatever! 😊)

And, here's the secret and the truth... the more we are able to sit with these times of discomfort, to wait them out in all of their ickiness, the less we stay stuck in them. We are better able to move through when we lean into what's here than when we try to stuff our feelings down, hide them away, or banish them from the building.

Thoughts?

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Cultivating a Relationship of Self-Trust

12/20/2020

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How well do you trust yourself? Really trust yourself for things like listening to your inner guidance, being with yourself through all of your experiences, listening to your body, and having your own back?

We live in a world that encourages us not to trust ourselves… not believing in ourselves, looking outward for answers, guidance, solutions. Buy this makeup, follow this diet, change your world. Listen to this guru who knows what you need (and is all too happy to tell you so!). Follow this trend…

Furthermore, most of us have a loud and ferocious inner critic who is all too happy to tell us all the things that are wrong with us – causing us to doubt ourselves or beat ourselves up when we think we’ve said the wrong thing, done the wrong thing, or are considering taking a big bold leap into something new. “Who do you think you are?” is often a familiar refrain.

Is it any wonder that many of us struggle in this area? Trusting ourselves, believing in ourselves, being with ourselves through joy and pain is not something that has been taught or encouraged.

I was inspired to explore this topic after discussing one of Susan Piver’s talks (which you can find here) with my Meditation Instructors Group. One of the key takeaways for me was that turning toward our experience, leaning into our feelings, is a critical element to cultivating a trusting relationship with ourselves. Feeling the reassurance that we have the capacity to be with ourselves, to make room for our feelings, to be with the unknown, not that we have all of the answers, but that we resourced enough to turn toward what is here, moment by moment.

Trusting ourselves comes into play when we find ourselves facing a familiar uncomfortable scenario – remembering things we have been through in the past and acknowledging past courage, strength, resilience. We can also trust that we have grown and changed since the last time we’ve been confronted with a situation; we are not the same person, so we can respond differently this time.

Building a loving relationship of gentleness, compassion, and kindness toward ourselves allows us to come home to ourselves in a way that feels safe because we can trust that we will be received in a way that is welcoming. When we can learn to trust ourselves, when we find ourselves worthy of our trust, life changes.

I invite you to play with this idea. Try trusting your intuition, your gut, your wisdom and guidance, your ability to know what you need and to ask for help when you need it. Play with the idea that you’ve got this (whatever “this” is) and at the very least you will walk with yourself through it, finding your way.

Value your own opinion and ideas. Respect your own experience. Cherish your moments of delight. Sit with your moments of sadness and fear, knowing you don’t have to push through or jump over anything – you get to be exactly where you are, moment by moment! The more you meet yourself in this way, the stronger this practice will become. The more deeply you will find yourself in a place of centered self-trust.

I’ve recorded this short talk and meditation for you to support your exploration.

If you’d like to receive weekly meditations from me, email me and say “please add me to the meditation list!” and you will receive one each Wed. AM.

Please share your thoughts, reflections, and insights below!

Wishing you peace, love, and trust!

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Sometimes, More is More...

Less is More

5 Simple Steps to Self-Care

What Being in Recovery Means to Me

Disappointing People

A Fresh Take on Self-Care

Getting Grounded

Our Need for R.E.S.T...

Human Happens... It's OK!

Cultivating a Relationship of Self-Trust

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