Category: Mindfulness

What are Your Defining Moments?

4/6/2021

Preparing for a recent podcast conversation with Sandra Sabene, I pondered a question she offered up. What have been the defining moments of my life? Those pivotal moments of impact, the ones we might label “bad” and “awesome.”

For me, these moments have been heart and soul moments – not mind, logic, or typical measures of success moments.

They have been the following my heart and listening to the call of my soul moments that have stirred something inside, shaking me awake, nudging me forward, calling me to show up… even when it’s been hard or I haven’t wanted to. These are the moments that have made me more alive, more me…

These moments let me step fully into the life I have been given, even when I really didn’t like how things were going. The times I did not get stuck in a puddle of victimhood forever, but rose up, stepped forward. These are the times I’ve been able to create something from the pain, work toward initiating change, being part of something new.

Consistently they are moments that that energize and activate me – the moments that say, “We’re off on the next great adventure,” or “Oh boy…here we go, whether I like it or not…”

For me they have often come after major hurdles in life that have threatened to stop me, break me, or bring me to my knees. Sometimes these moments came through death or devastation.

At times they have been excruciatingly painful – they have stopped me and torn me apart, throwing me off a path I desperately wanted to be on. Until (with a lot of loving help and support) I was able to start crawling forward.

Sometimes they came through inspiration and excitement (often a powerful combination of terror and excitement). The words that come pouring through from some unknown place. The art that calls to be created. The move that says, “It’s time!”

Reflecting on several decades of life helped me to realize that there is not ONE defining moment in our lives, but rather a wide collection of them that have brought us to this day.

Defining moments are the “right” steps and the seeming “mis-steps” along the way on the path called YOU. They are the significant yeses and the critical no’s of rejecting what “makes sense,” walking away from what does not fit, and sometimes turning away from the thing you thought you were supposed to be or do.

They are the waking up and coming alive moments. The moments of daring, courage, hearts breaking open. The times you listen to the nudges that get you to the next right place, that bring in the right people at the right time. These are often times you can’t explain or justify (and likely you don’t care to!).

The times you break through the fear and do what you know you have to do, be it “good” or “bad,” easy or tremendously challenging.

More often than not, we don’t know these are defining moments until years later when we look back and see where they’ve led, what they’ve given birth to. At that moment when we stepped into the dark abyss we could never have imagined where it was taking us.

These are the moments when you learn something new about who you are and what you can handle – the times you learn a little bit more about what you stand for. What you will and won’t tolerate. What you absolutely must take action on. The times you make the hard calls or take the bold risks and do the thing even though you’re shaking in your boots.

They are the moments of grace that allow things to unfold as they are meant to on a universal scale, not in the man-made version of life. Only time will reveal the outcome for many of these moments. All we can do is show up for what’s here now – right in this moment. We may not have any idea how it will go.

These are the moments that make the butterflies swarm in your belly, your heart pound through your chest, your whole being get a little dizzy wondering, “Am I really doing this?”

The ability of the heart to find its way back to a friendship that seemed to be lost, to show up for a loved one who is lost in the darkness, the trusting that somehow, we will be all right, no matter what happens… moving into and through fear, into joy and allowing ourselves to feel it all.

These are the defining moments of a life, and I truly am grateful for my wide collection of them.

The Way It Is
By William Stafford

There’s a thread you follow. It goes among
things that change. But it doesn’t change.
People wonder about what you are pursuing.
You have to explain about the thread.
But it is hard for others to see.
While you hold it you can’t get lost.
Tragedies happen; people get hurt
or die; and you suffer and get old.
Nothing you do can stop time’s unfolding.
You don’t ever let go of the thread.

Through these moments are woven threads that come from the heart and soul, the essence of who you truly are.

What are your defining moments? Take a moment to soak into them and feel how they feel in your body? I’ve recorded this meditation to guide you through this process if you like.

And if you’d like to hear the conversation that was lit from the spark of this exploration, you can catch it here at Arts & Healing with Sandra.

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Cultivating a Relationship of Self-Trust

12/20/2020

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How well do you trust yourself? Really trust yourself for things like listening to your inner guidance, being with yourself through all of your experiences, listening to your body, and having your own back?

We live in a world that encourages us not to trust ourselves… not believing in ourselves, looking outward for answers, guidance, solutions. Buy this makeup, follow this diet, change your world. Listen to this guru who knows what you need (and is all too happy to tell you so!). Follow this trend…

Furthermore, most of us have a loud and ferocious inner critic who is all too happy to tell us all the things that are wrong with us – causing us to doubt ourselves or beat ourselves up when we think we’ve said the wrong thing, done the wrong thing, or are considering taking a big bold leap into something new. “Who do you think you are?” is often a familiar refrain.

Is it any wonder that many of us struggle in this area? Trusting ourselves, believing in ourselves, being with ourselves through joy and pain is not something that has been taught or encouraged.

I was inspired to explore this topic after discussing one of Susan Piver’s talks (which you can find here) with my Meditation Instructors Group. One of the key takeaways for me was that turning toward our experience, leaning into our feelings, is a critical element to cultivating a trusting relationship with ourselves. Feeling the reassurance that we have the capacity to be with ourselves, to make room for our feelings, to be with the unknown, not that we have all of the answers, but that we resourced enough to turn toward what is here, moment by moment.

Trusting ourselves comes into play when we find ourselves facing a familiar uncomfortable scenario – remembering things we have been through in the past and acknowledging past courage, strength, resilience. We can also trust that we have grown and changed since the last time we’ve been confronted with a situation; we are not the same person, so we can respond differently this time.

Building a loving relationship of gentleness, compassion, and kindness toward ourselves allows us to come home to ourselves in a way that feels safe because we can trust that we will be received in a way that is welcoming. When we can learn to trust ourselves, when we find ourselves worthy of our trust, life changes.

I invite you to play with this idea. Try trusting your intuition, your gut, your wisdom and guidance, your ability to know what you need and to ask for help when you need it. Play with the idea that you’ve got this (whatever “this” is) and at the very least you will walk with yourself through it, finding your way.

Value your own opinion and ideas. Respect your own experience. Cherish your moments of delight. Sit with your moments of sadness and fear, knowing you don’t have to push through or jump over anything – you get to be exactly where you are, moment by moment! The more you meet yourself in this way, the stronger this practice will become. The more deeply you will find yourself in a place of centered self-trust.

I’ve recorded this short talk and meditation for you to support your exploration.

If you’d like to receive weekly meditations from me, email me and say “please add me to the meditation list!” and you will receive one each Wed. AM.

Please share your thoughts, reflections, and insights below!

Wishing you peace, love, and trust!

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Let's Lean into Nature

10/10/2020

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Let’s lean into nature’s wisdom and away from the fearfulness and reactivity of human nature. In nature there is an inherent understanding of the ever-changing nature of life – the seasons, days, cycles… they happen without thought or worry.

Seeds scatter everywhere – some will take root and flourish, while others will become food for some animal or nourishment for the soil. Acorns don’t strive to become the biggest, strongest, best oak tree in the forest. They simply hold their potential and allow it to break forth in the perfect time, in the perfect way.

Nature flows with the great mystery. It doesn’t need to know how or when things will work out.

Animals simply follow the rhythm of their ancestors, follow their inherent knowing about when to gather, move, hide, or attack. They don’t waste time on worry or hate.

In the wilderness, diversity is valued and appreciated. The multitude of trees and plants yield a variety of beauty that we cherish. Species are interdependent and interconnected, as are we if we would only pause long enough to feel into this truth. Can we learn to value the uniqueness each of us brings to this life? What would be possible if we operated with a solid understanding of our inter-relatedness?

At this very moment where I live, trees are shedding their lives, gathering their energy inward to move into a time of dormancy. They are letting go of the past season – allowing the old to fall away in preparation for what’s to come. Preparing for a time of rest and rooting before opening their branches to new growth in just a few months. What might you let go of to prepare you for fresh growth?

What would it be like if we could quiet the tendency to get busy and simply drop our roots into those things that nourish and nurture us so that we can stand strong and steady amidst the storms? What if we learn to bend and sway with the winds so that we don’t break in unyielding rigidity?

What might we learn from the forest? Mary Reynolds Thompson offers this wisdom from the forest (5 min. video) to support us as we deal with a global pandemic.

As Thompson says in her book, Reclaiming the Wild Soul: How Earth’s Landscapes Restore Us to Wholeness, “The wisdom you seek (in the forest) can be experienced but never possessed. Wild, ancient, primal, it moves through the shadows. The presence of such mystery and immensity is overwhelming. You may have to fight the urge to break the tension by running away. But, if you remain, at least for a while, things will happen. In this uncertain world, creativity flourishes.”

Can we cultivate the capacity to take a deep breath, stand still, and be in the present moment? Can we stop and feel the tension of wanting to do something and not knowing in this mysterious time?

What if we could simply learn to hold ourselves, knowing something new is growing and will emerge? Root, breathe, pay attention, and go deep within ourselves to feel for what is wanting to come forth naturally and organically, without force.

Can we allow the uncertainty to give birth to creativity? We are in a time where we need creative thinking, problem solving, and fresh ideas… and if we can only be still for a bit, we can allow space for those things to emerge from a place of intelligence that comes from deep within.

Please share your thoughts and reflections below.

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An Invitation to Reflect as You Move Forward

6/13/2020

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In the past 3 months, our world and our lives have changed in epic and unprecedented ways. There is no "going back" to anything. We can only move forward into a new chapter.  As we do, we each have the opportunity right now to pause, to reflect, to choose who we want to become, to choose what role we want to play in the new story.

We don't know what the future holds - ever - though it certainly feels more true right now than ever before. This can feel super unsettling. There is no road-map for us to follow as we step forward. We crave certainty, and yet we find time and again that the only certainty is that things will change.

So, now what? I invite you to spend some time with these questions... reflecting, sitting with them, and maybe journaling about any that interest you. Give yourself a few minutes of free writing - allow your pen to keep moving across the page without stopping so that you can tap beneath the surface and find your way to deeper insights. How long you write on any question is up to you, but you might try starting with 3 minutes and see what emerges.

We will be best able to step into the world in a grounded way when we have taken the time to get centered in ourselves. Important wisdom will come from within and beyond - a wisdom that can best be accessed in the quiet moments of a pause and reflect.

Offer yourself this gift. Take a moment to center yourself. Take a few deep breaths. Close your eyes. Maybe put your hands on your heart and earnestly consider these questions:

In the past 3 months...
1. What have you learned about yourself?

2. What have you learned about life and our world?

3. What has revealed itself as important to you?

4. What are you ready or willing to leave behind? What does not serve you? What no longer feels as important as it once did? What old beliefs or stories are ready to be discarded?

5. What would you like to carry forward? What has emerged during this time as something you don't want to forget about, take for granted, or stop doing?

6. What do you want to remember so that you don't go back to sleep, trying to "go back to normal?" It's so easy to slip back into old patterns, habits, and ways of thinking. Taking the time to reflect on this question and write out your answers will help keep you connected to any new insights you've had.

7. What is essential to you? What are your true priorities? What really matters? A friend recently noted, "We only get so many heartbeats." Let's let our moments and lives reflect our values, our desires, our priorities.

As we step into this next chapter:
8.Who do you want to become? You might reflect on this in terms of "I want to become someone who..." paying particular attention to the qualities you'd like to cultivate, the values you'd like to embody and reflect in your words and actions.

9. What is your vision for a better future for your kids, grandkids and their grandkids? Paint a picture of the future life you imagine, thinking about humanity, our planet, how we interact with one another... whatever comes up for you as important.

10. What commitments will you make right now to be part of a better tomorrow? For yourself, for your family, your community, your country, other people, animals, and the planet.

11. Knowing that you are no good to yourself, to anyone else, or to any cause that you care about unless you take good care of yourself, what promise will you make to yourself right now regarding your own self-care? Think about your body, mind, heart, and spirit as you consider this. Which area(s) most need your attention and TLC, and is there one area, that if tended to, supports each of the other 3 areas?

Would you love some support?  Consider joining Soul Care: A Self-Care Sanctuary if you would appreciate a weekly refuge to connect with others who are dedicating this time to strengthen their own self-care practice. It's hard to do this work alone! Together is so much better!!

The opportunity is here for us to let these devastating, unsettling experiences matter for the better. Let them lead us into despair, but let them call us forward into possibility.

We are at a turning point, individually and collectively, and together we can turn the tide for a better, more healthy, more just, more peaceful, and more sustainable tomorrow. I truly believe this.

This will not be a quick fix or an easy turnabout. People will resist. You will likely resist. The struggle will be real. AND, the struggle will be worth it. Trying to go back to the old ways will show us that they no longer work for so many reasons.

After you've done your inner work, find those who can teach you and support you. Those who can help you reveal your blind spots. Those who help you to discover new perspective. Those who can help you shed old beliefs and old stories.

Then, let's go forward together. Let's rise up from the destruction and build anew, imagine anew, and create anew.

What do you stand for? How strongly are you willing to stand upon that as you act, speak, and create? What possibility are you willing to consider, even if it seems unlikely or impossible, admitting to yourself that you do not know how things will turn out?

I'm with you! Let's get started... one step at a time...committing to be in this for the long haul.

Feeling unsettled in these tumultuous times?
Join me for Light on the Hill's 2-part series: Uncertainty and Trust which begins this Tuesday, June 16th. I will be one of the panelists in the June 23rd conversation.

I'd love to hear any reflections you'd like to share below in the comment section.

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What Do You Love?

5/8/2020

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Image by congerdesign from Pixabay

Now wait… before you read on,… pause.   Take a breath. Maybe close your eyes and put your hands on your heart. Get curious. With an open mind and an open heart, ask, with genuine interest… what do I love? Then see what rises up. Be willing to be surprised. What DO you love??

Recently I posed this question to a group of women who may not often think about this, particularly in the context I asked it. Also, I asked it in the middle of a global pandemic at a time when many of us are feeling weary, worried, unsettled, and uncertain. I asked moms of kids who struggle with substance use disorder –what do you love about your son or daughter? What are their best qualities?

Lots of women replied, naming so many beautiful qualities their kids embody, acknowledging that it’s been awhile since they’ve reflected on these aspects of kids who are often associated with pain and struggle. Which was exactly my point in asking the question. Not to pretend that the horrendous experiences aren’t there, but to remember that beneath this disease, there is still a loving, caring, kind, humorous, creative, generous being.

If there is a person in your life with whom you have a challenging or complicated relationship, you might take a moment to consider what qualities you love in this person.

Why am I asking you now at a time when there’s so much we don’t like, so much we are worried, scared, or discombobulated about??

I find it really helpful to remember that the whole messy mix can be true at the same time. It’s not all or nothing, black or white, good or bad. Rarely does life present itself in a neat package despite our mind’s desire to simplify it that way.

We look at what we love, not to erase or to pretend that the painful, uncomfortable, less desirable things aren’t also here. We do this to see that there’s room for it all. That it can ALL be here, at the same time, in the same reality, in the same heart. We don’t have to choose what we hate or what we love, what we’re for or what we’re against, what we want to lean into or what we want to eradicate forever. We can be with it all. You can love the sunshine and warmth, remembering that beach in your happy place, even as you cringe at the snow that is here when it shouldn’t be!

It’s a simple practice to wonder and to notice from time to time. And, so, I ask you, even in your sadness, despair, worry, or fear, to consider, remember or discover the part of you that loves.

Right now… consider, what do you love?

About yourself? What are your best qualities? (let's start here... and, if you go no further, that will be more than enough!)

About the situation you find yourself in?

About life?

About the person or people who challenge you deeply?

What do you love to do? Eat? Experience?

Who do you adore, and what is it about them that you love?

What do you love to be? Do? Have?

Feel into it with all of your senses – what images, thoughts, scents, feelings emerge? What brings a smile to your face or lights you up inside?

What brings a sweet “aaahhhh….?”

For me, a few things that come to mind right now that I love are sunsets; lakes and oceans; “The Grinch;” Snoopy; the smell of a bonfire or fresh-baked bread; sunshine and warm, fresh air; laughter; deep honest connections; the smell of a horse farm and feeling my body sway with a horse; and helping other people light up!

Now, let's be honest... it might be way easier to know what we don’t like, what we wish were different, even what we hate… And if that’s where your mind goes, then start there. When we’re deep in the muck, it can be hard to see out. Then, take a moment and look at the flip side. The opposite of what you hate is likely what you love or what you’re longing for.

Let it all be here. There is no need to jump over the uncomfortable, the painful, the sad or scary to get to the happy, peaceful, joyful feelings. We have the capacity to hold it all in these hearts of ours.

When we can touch in with what we love, we soften, if only for a moment. Something inside of us stirs.   We awaken maybe a long-forgotten spark. We connect with something deep and true.

From this place, maybe we allow ourselves to dream or desire. Or maybe we allow ourselves to simply accept someone else as they are, even with the parts we don’t like or wish weren’t there. Maybe for a minute we are able to see the essential goodness in another person. Maybe we energize ourselves enough to take that next step.

What do you love?

Feel into it. Awaken your heart. And, then please share in the comments and let’s sprinkle some love around today!

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The Invitation and Gift of This Day

4/19/2020

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I have been given this life and this day… let me not waste it on worry, fear, or dismay. Let me greet it as the gift it is and use it wisely – not feeding panic, anger, or judgment. Let me walk gently upon this earth, among these people, bringing love, kindness, and compassion. Let me take all of our well-being as a serious concern and act accordingly. Let me take care of myself, my family, and our home in a way that honors us and all beings. Let me be prepared – but not unreasonably so.
Let me take care of our needs without taking more than I need, leaving others with none.

The time for injustice, inequity, and inequality is over. The time to love and care for one another, for all beings, for the earth is here. Now. How will I respond to this moment? How will we, as a people, respond to this moment in time? How will we stay awake and not return to the mind-numb reality we have been in for far too long?

We can no longer be reckless with our lives, believing we exist as separate from others. No. We have been shown the depth and vastness of our coexistence and interdependence. There is a gift in that if we only remember. If only we respond wisely.

Now is not a time for folly or fight. Now is the time for us to come together, to rise together, to be better than we were before… not by possessing more or earning more or even doing more, but by caring more, by respecting one another more, by loving more. By choosing to look. To see. To respond to the devastation, we have caused to our earth, to our people, to all beings. We have to be brave enough to look and to see. And, then from there, choose and act.

We must not forget when this time seems to be over. We must allow ourselves to be changed in the best possible way by the devastation and destruction of today so that it has not been for naught. There is a gift in this day, and there is an invitation. How will we respond?

What thoughts or insights does this bring up for you? Please share in the comments.

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Go Gently... Please

4/3/2020

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Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

Now is a time to go gently with yourself and with others.   Now is the time for love, for generosity, for kindness and compassion – toward all beings, including you! It is the time to care deeply. It is NOT the time to judge, shame, or condemn others. I see the temptation and suspect it’s going to get stronger as we grow more impatient, frustrated, and weary. And so, I plead with you, please, please be gentle…

March 11th, just a little over 3 weeks ago, marks the day our world changed forever. It was not long ago at all and yet it feels like a lifetime ago… we got the call that morning telling us that the mighty Mom Klein had died. We visited our son (2 days before visits were shut down for the foreseeable future), grateful we could deliver this news in person and share our tears, love, and hugs. I went out to lunch with my sister at a local restaurant and enjoyed a nice meal, and probably another hug or two.

March 12th – with a growing sense of things quickly spinning into something unknown and foreign, I did a radio show with Lori and Keith from Recovery Coach University Radio. With a heightened sense of awareness, we did wipe all the equipment and surfaces with Clorox wipes and mostly kept our distance, but we didn’t yet get how serious this was. We joked about the toilet paper hoarding and shook our heads in confusion… and just to be safe, on the way home, I bought two packs. We affirmed and were relieved by my younger son’s decision to cancel his trip to Florida for Spring Break, even though he is young and healthy… already it felt like the unquestionably right call. Just days earlier I had told him I thought they’d be fine to go…

Things were changing and happening so rapidly and have been ever since. I feel like I’ve been caught in a whirlwind… internally and externally. A blur of news updates, of emails advising of extra precautions being taken which rapidly morphed into “We are closed until further notice…” Cancellations, closures, schools switching to online learning,… more and more erasures in the planner of all the trips, appointments, and events I had coming up. April went from one in which I would barely be home to one in which I will only be home, with no plans. Each day brings with it a swirl of thoughts and feelings as I try to magically predict when this will all be over, fall into despair, perk up at a story of goodness – living within the chaos of it all.

It’s a lot. We must be gentle.

There has been so much letting go… of classes, appointments, events, routines, regular support, fun times with others, contact with loved ones. And, in all this letting go, we are all feeling the weight of uncertainty. Those words “until further notice” land with a dark and ominous tone. They remind us that life is always uncertain – we just usually pretend it isn’t. Somehow it feels extra uncertain right now with so many things being disrupted all at once. The fear is palpable as this invisible antagonist sweeps around the world. As we take in the death tolls, we are faced with our own immortality and the truth that one day those we love will also die. We hope it won’t be alone.

We are ordered to shelter in place, to self-quarantine, or to PAUSE as our NY Governor has called it. For a moment we imagine all that we’ll get done in this time when busy-ness is taken away. But then we feel the weight of it all, and we are reminded of how exhausted we are and that stress takes a toll on everything. We are brought to our knees as we are forced to confront what is truly essential. To re-prioritize our lives – what really matters? Health. Relationships. Life. Love. Kindness. Compassion. Generosity.

All these free offerings?? They are oh so tempting to someone with Bright Shiny Object Syndrome, like moi! The urge to fill in all that usually coveted white space is strong, and I catch myself mindlessly signing up, saying “yes, please distract me from the here and now…” Nature abhors a vacuum, and apparently so do I. Until I reality check and realize my bandwidth is not as wide as my white space – it’s actually much, much less than before.

I remember to be gentle with myself.

I don’t need to do all the things – only those that will really nourish me. I only need to be on the calls with people and in groups that feel supportive. I can skip the rest. This might not be the time to learn a new skill or to focus on business. This might be a time when less really is more. I want to do more less!

Over the past few weeks it has been easy to let this ever-present concern consume us. It’s been easy to get obsessed even when we didn’t intend to. Even if you don’t watch the news (which I don’t generally), the news is everywhere…social media posts, headlines of breaking news at the top of my email inbox and within every single email that comes in it’s there… Coronavirus… COVID-19. We need to be informed, but we don't need to be flooded with input. It's too much to digest.

We see the inherent inter-connectedness of all beings and this both terrifies and empowers us. We are reminded that viruses don’t respect borders, oceans, or walls.

We find ourselves reeling as we ride the roller coaster of emotions in this human experience – feeling our own and the collective fear, overwhelm, sadness, dread, and grief while also being uplifted and inspired by the many acts of compassion, caring, kindness, love, and generosity. This time bringing out the best and the worst in us.

It’s a lot.

We come to realize that we are feeling more tired and less productive than we’d like – not an easy thing to accept in a culture used to driving, doing, achieving, producing, succeeding…   Suddenly we wonder what “succeeding” even means right now.

Now we realize that it’s nearly impossible to find motivation or create from a space of exhaustion and anxiety. So, we surrender to Netflix bingeing, earlier bedtimes, and longer nights of sleep.

This is our new normal, and it’s anything but “normal.” It changes moment by moment, and the only reasonable way to approach it is one moment at a time.

We feel the weirdness of endless disinfecting and keeping our hands from touching our faces. We feel the creepiness in the air as masked figures move together, but apart, averting gazes (as if we won’t really be there if we don’t look at one another), collectively holding our breath – together, but apart.

And we're reminded that in the empty streets what feels like the end of the world is also a reflection of our great act of love, our care and concern for others, our desire to be part of the solution.

It’s. A. LOT!

So, please… go gently into this next day. Into this next moment.

Take breaks – a lot of breaks. Get more rest than feels reasonable.

Offer tender loving care to your sweet self.

Say “yes” to the things that make you happy.

Bake the familiar goodies that comforted you as a child (Betty Crocker Blueberry Buckle for me today!).

Wear clothes and jewelry that feel good. Maybe wear things from places you’ve loved or concerts you’ve enjoyed (today I’m wearing my Albuquerque sweatshirt to mark that I should have been arriving there this afternoon).

Hug a tree. I’m pretty sure that’s still a safe thing to do!

Offer a loving smile to a stranger. Call a friend.

Extend love and compassion freely, often, and wherever you can, beginning with yourself.

Know that we will get through this.

Please.

Go gently… until further notice.

How are you going gently these days?? Please share in the comments below. We can learn from you.

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Maybe Time Running Out is a Gift...

2/6/2020

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“Maybe time running out is a gift. I’ll work hard til the end of my shift. And give you every second I can find…” – Jason Isbell – “If We Were Vampires”

How does this land for you? This reality that time is running out. That life won’t last forever, no matter how much we want to pretend it will – not for you or for those you love. When this reality smacks you in the face (a death, a diagnosis), for a minute you wake up and choose differently. But, then, if you’re like most of us, you go back to business as usual…

My hope is to help us each wake up just a little bit more. To choose the life we want to live. To prioritize the way we spend our precious time and energy. To decide who gets to be part of our days – not just by default because they are here, but because with this person around, life is better.

My hope is that you will begin to take some of those things off of your bucket list or out of your dream box and move toward them. In some small way. Even if you can’t do “the big thing” yet, how can you breathe a little life into that thing you desire, that trip you want to take, that place you want to see, that thing you want to (and know you are meant to) create?

This just doesn’t have to be hard, but it does require that you show up. Show up for your life, for your dreams, for your visions, your hopes, and be willing to hold onto them tenderly and lovingly as you plant seeds and take baby steps forward.

This is particularly important if and when your life includes a fair bit of darkness, chaos, and fearful uncertainty, as mine does. I've found that living within that reality has compelled me to savor life's sweetness and to embrace my life more fully maybe even more than I would if things were more steady. I know in any moment tragedy can strike (whether I'm enjoying my life or not) and that death will come, but for now, while I'm alive and able, I choose to live. I choose to enjoy.

Things that seem to happen spontaneously often aren’t spur of the moment at all, but rather a result of so many seeds being planted, steps taken, dreams held over the years and decades.

For instance, my dream of owning a horse took 25 years to come into reality. It was something I wanted for as long as I can remember, something I schemed about each year as I put “horse” boldly on my Christmas list and laid out the plans of how our backyard was definitely big enough and the second garage would provide the perfect stall.. no matter that we lived in a suburban neighborhood that maybe had ordinances against dreams like this. To me, that girl who was horse crazy, that didn’t matter – I just felt in my bones that I was meant to have a horse. My dad, unfortunately, didn’t seem to agree… and so, I rode when I could, I cleaned stalls in trade for a free lease, I made friends with an adult who could drive me to the barn and who’d ride with me. When I was older, I continued to conjure ways to ride and train in exchange for services I could provide. And, finally, when the horse who was meant to be mine came along, I played with my finances in a way that “worked” and talked with my fellow dream conspirator, my husband, who said, “Let’s go for it!”

You see, I had never let go of this dream, even though it very much felt out of reach for me. I kept it alive in my heart. I watered it with longing. I didn’t work really hard to make it come to be, but I was ready when the opportunity came around. And, if you read my other post about Sport, you know that this “dream horse” was NOT ideal in so many ways… a first time owner should probably not buy a slightly too small, definitely too hot and fiery beast that only one person on the farm (not me) could handle. The logic didn’t matter. My heart said, “Yes! Leap here! Do this thing. Now is the time!” Even though he was not an expensive horse in any way, he did cost more than these newlyweds had readily available. My heart that could see beyond the budget that had $16 left before groceries said, “Sure…pay for this dream to become true. Why not? We can and we will (and we did) figure out the details later.”

Why do I tell you all of this? Because I want you to tap into what’s alive for you right now! Because I want you to see that there are ways to get creative in fulfilling dreams that feel out of reach, unrealistic, that others may not understand, or that just seem plain unlikely to ever happen. What choices do you know you need to make for the well-being of your whole self? What do you want to stretch for that might feel out of reach? What trip have you put on hold? What class have you wanted to take? Maybe you’ve wanted to try a new way of eating but don’t know how… Whatever it is, whether it’s a “big thing” or not, how can you plant some seeds today toward it?

“It’s knowing that this can’t go on forever” (Jason Isbell, “If We Were Vampires”) that calls us to feel the urgency to live life while we can, while we’re healthy enough, while we’re young enough, while we’re here.

What baby step or mini choice will you take in the direction of a dream that scares you and excites you all at once? Please share below and let’s stop waiting for conditions to be “just right.” Because, you know what? They may never be… but today, you are here. You’re reading this, and there’s something that wants your attention, that wants you to believe in it enough to nurture it to life! And, I am cheering you on!

Oh, and this song that I’ve referenced twice now… here it is! Close your eyes, soak it in, listen deeply, and see if it speaks to you as it does to me. Let me know. And If you have another anthem that fuels and inspires you, share that here to so that we can all grow our playlists!!

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A Vow

1/1/2020

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Often in our lives we make vows that serve to keep us safe or comfortable, but don’t really serve us in the grander scheme of things… vows like, “I’ll show them!” “I will NEVER be like _______!” (likely someone who probably has some good qualities as well as whatever you are reacting to right now). “ I am not someone who ______!” (takes a risk that might actually bring joy or peace). “I will never love again!” “This is just who I am.” You get the idea… do you have any of these?

This morning I awoke with a strong vow brewing within me, needing to be expressed. This is what it is – I vow to bring something positive out of our experience with addiction into this world. And, more importantly, I vow that addiction will NOT take my life, regardless of what it does to my son. It does not have to break me, shatter me, or my world.

This came to me almost as a promise to my son as I reflected on people I love, people who are my teachers – this journey will not be for nothing. I feel a strong awareness and strength that I am still here. I am still standing…despite many years of turbulence. I will do something positive and not let this monster destroy me, destroy us. I am taking a stand for my life, my marriage, my work, and my larger family.  This is a stand I can take against this beast which seeks to consume and destroy my son, as well as everything in its wake.

I get to draw the line on where its damage stops. It does not get to take everything from me. Period. That is within my control. I do not have the disease. It is not coursing through my veins and brain, and it does not get to define me or my life.

This feeling is strong and vital as it surges through me – this life force energy that declares, “I will live. I will thrive. You cannot take me too.” It’s not an angry reactive feeling, but rather a deeply calm, clear, and oh-so-strong knowing deep, deep, deep in my soul.

I have purpose. I have passion, and I will embody them and be a light in this world. A lighthouse. A beacon for those who are lost in stormy waters. I do not have to go down with my son, and I most certainly will not, no matter how many times it beats at my shores, knocks me down, tears at my heart. Again, and again I will stand – I will rise again and lift others up as we stare down this beast, and say, “NO! Your damage stops here!”

Well, all righty then… happy New Year! Here I am world! Apparently writing my manifesto for the decade… The power in this image and these words is palpable. I am here. I am alive. I claim my life and step boldly, strongly into 2020, this year, this decade, this next day of my life.

That’s all each of us is asked to do in any given moment – just show up. Don’t give up. Don’t hide out. Show up. The world needs what each of us has to bring and no one else has what you have to offer. Your experiences, your vision, your words, your creativity – uniquely yours and deeply needed. It doesn’t matter what’s already been said or done… no one else has done or ever will do what YOU have to offer. There is only one _____________ (insert your name here), and there will never be another like you.

We each have demons and things that threaten our well-being, peace of mind, and happiness. What are yours and what stand do you want to take on behalf of yourself this day?

As for me? I vow to make this life matter. I vow to take what I’ve learned from some of my most painful experiences and offer them as hope, strength, and inspiration. And, I vow to enjoy my life – to live while I can, with no waiting. I will be brave and courageous and wholehearted in my living – thank you, Brene´ Brown for that inspiration! I am here and I choose to live!

How about you?
As you step into this day, this new year, this new decade, what vow will you make as a heart promise to yourself? Where can you be a light? Please drop me a note or share below. I’d love to hear! Together we help each other to see possibilities we may not have imagined before. I stand beside you as we journey boldly into this new moment.

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Do You Feel Free?

7/1/2019

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I woke one morning last week clearly hearing this question in a woman’s voice in my head: “Barb, do you feel free?” It has stayed with me since then. It’s hung around because I’m not sure how to answer it. In many ways, yes, I absolutely feel very free. And then there are the ways I don’t… the ways I hold myself back and the reasons I do. The things I let stop me. The beliefs behind those decisions. The people I care about and what I think they need from me. Responsibilities, obligations, and commitments. Financial realities. Rules and laws.

What does “free” even mean? Apparently that’s a great question since Merriam-Webster has 15 definitions, many with their own sub-definitions… Take a look and see which ones you are curious about.

The one thing that helps me to feel free is to remember that I am always at choice -- as long as I am willing to accept the consequences of my choice. I don’t get to choose how other people behave, but I am not powerless about how I respond. I get to decide what my role will be, what words I will say and what actions I will take.

I don’t get to choose my feelings – they come in without warning quite naturally. But I do get to choose what I do with those emotions. How I respond, how much weight I give them, how long I stay with them.

I do have choice, even though I may not realize it in the moment.
Freedom to choose is paramount.
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I think I’ll spare you further musings while I continue to ponder this question that is landing deep in my being and invite you to join me.

Do you feel free? What does “free” mean to you and how do you know if you are or aren’t? Where do you feel free? Where do you feel trapped or powerless? How might you bring in some more freedom to your days? Why is free important? What would life be like if you were free?

Here’s one of my favorite songs to accompany you as you explore.

Please, please share in the comments below. This feels like a rich conversation! I look forward to hearing your insights and thoughts.

Thanks for playing!

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What are Your Defining Moments?

Cultivating a Relationship of Self-Trust

Let's Lean into Nature

An Invitation to Reflect as You Move Forward

What Do You Love?

The Invitation and Gift of This Day

Go Gently... Please

Maybe Time Running Out is a Gift...

A Vow

Do You Feel Free?

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