Inspired Possibility Blog

Unknown and Uncertainty

4/25/2022

Sitting with these ideas for today’s #AtoZChallenge. We live in a world of uncertainty, and we are always stepping into the unknown, individually and collectively. Depending on what that unknown is can fill us with excitement or anxiety, hope or dread.

Sometimes it’s clear that we are in a state of transition – leaving a job or relationship, graduating college, getting married, moving across the country, having a baby… in these cases, we know we are leaving behind a familiar life to enter into a new one. What we don’t always see so readily is that we are always in transition. Our bodies, our reality, our relationships, minds and ideas are continually morphing and evolving.

Other people fill us with their fears, worries, or faith, which may or may not be helpful. Each of us is living in the unknown, uncertain of what’s to come. Most of us don’t like to admit or accept that. So, we do what we can to control, to create some level of imagined certainty.

We make decisions and choices, take actions trying to ensure the outcome we desire, unwilling to admit we can only take the next best step for the best chance of the things we hope for. There is freedom in accepting that truth.

The only things that are known or certain are those things that have already happened.

And, so, what keeps us going? Why do we continue to show up? I guess because the unknown also offers the possibility of things beyond our imagination. Our negativity bias causes us to focus on what could go wrong, but at the same time our spirit and soul call us to what could be wonderful or amazing.

Knowing is actually way less interesting than we admit. Who would watch a multi-hour sports event or movie if they knew how it was going to end? (Well, unless, like me, you’ve seen it before and you don’t remember or you don’t care because the story is so enthralling!).

We spend hours of worry about how our lives or our loved ones’ lives will go. We humans are fascinating! Playing this game of strategy and faith, effort and flow, making moves, taking chances, riding on hope. And, there it is again, that mighty force that some call weak.

Hope encourages us, supports us to say yes to the proposal, to take the stage, to leave the toxic relationship and head out on our own. To put down the drink or drug that has consistently brought comfort to see if there might be a better life without it. The hope that tomorrow will be a better day nudges us forward. Something has to push us, pull us to leave the known and risk the vast uncertainty of the unknown. To wake up and step into a new day and see where it takes you.

“When you walk to the edge of all the light you have and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, you must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for you to stand upon or you will be taught to fly.”
― Patrick Overton, The leaning tree

My favorite days are “Let’s see where the spirit takes us” days. Days with absolutely no plans, and where we let go of control, just checking in moment by moment to see what we’d like to do. What we want to eat? Is this a time to rest, read, or go for a walk? What adventure calls to our hearts? What might be fun? What would feel comforting and nourishing?

To find the ability to flow with it, gently, sweetly, one moment at a time. Not needing an agenda. Not needing to know. It can be uncomfortable, but it can also be wonderfully delightful when I pause and listen within, feel into the longing of my heart and soul, let go of the worry of wasted time.

This is where I sit right now. Is this a day to relax and write? To bake? To go to a movie? In the sweetness of no schedule, I don’t know. And, I am savoring the unknown. It gives me permission to decide, to choose, to see… These are my favorite days. The ones not dictated by meetings, classes, work, commitments, or appointments. They are a rare gift in a busy world. “Seizing” this day does not mean it has to be productive or anything other than what it is. It only asks me to show up and be with it, as it is, as it unfolds.

And, yet, feeling the uncertainty of our future, having just watched the memorial video of a young man gone too son, compels me to invite us all to live a life we will remember. To love openly, to care deeply, to hug our people, to capture memories, and make new ones. This life is so precious because of its uncertainty. We don’t have to strive to make things happen, but we don’t want to miss what’s here.

What grounds you as you find yourself swirling in the midst of uncertainty? What helps you stay steady as you step into the great unknown? What practices do you have that hold you most reliably when times are tough? For me, meditation, morning pages, yoga, getting outdoors in the beauty of nature bring me home, and connecting with those I love is critical.

What does it mean to you to live a life you will remember? What’s calling you? What feels most meaningful and important these days? Has that changed over the years? I know, for me, I have little desire to go back to how I used to be when I was much younger. And I do long to step into my next chapter from a place of purpose and joy.

A few recommendations and invitations for you:
Katrina Kenison writes beautifully about life and its various stages, looking at transitions and life changes. I have recently finished Magical Journey: An Apprenticeship in Contentment, a beautiful book for women in midlife, changing roles and relationships with growing children, finding themselves again after career and parenting change. I highly recommend this as well as The Gift of an Ordinary Day: A Mother’s Memoir of Letting Go. Both books and her blogs, which are beautiful and thought-provoking, call us to be present to the everyday moments as our lives and relationships grow, evolve, and become their next version.

Here are a couple of musical accompaniments for this life journey:
The Nights by Avicii – “Live a life you will remember!”
I Did It All by Vince Myers

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Striving, Success, and Sustainability

4/22/2022

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Seems a lot of people begin their adult lives striving… working hard, trying to achieve something. For many there’s a vague sense of what they’re aiming for, and for others there’s a very clear end goal in mind. And, so the climb begins… striving, driving, pushing to achieve, to prove, to feel worthy.

We may be following a dream or course set out for us by someone else – our parents, teachers, or other adults who thought they knew what was best or right for us. Things might look great and we feel like we’re checking all the boxes. And then, at some point we may find ourselves unhappy, dissatisfied, even if things look great on the outside.

Somewhere along the way, many of us hit a point of wondering what the heck we’re doing. Feeling like the goals we had set don’t matter as much any longer, whether we’ve reached them or not. We begin questioning what really matters. Is it having a 6 or 7 figure salary? The fancy car? The prestigious title or position? Who are we trying to impress and what are we trying to prove?

So, we begin to look at the pace we’ve been going at and find that it’s just not sustainable. In order to see if what you’re doing is sustainable, take a moment and get really honest about your energy, resources, reserves, and sense of enjoyment and fulfillment. You may discover you don’t want to keep going the way you have been for decades. If that’s the case, it’s time to start looking for what brings a sense of contentment, peace, and joy.

Each one of us gets to define what success is for us. How is it measured and how will you know if you’ve arrived? What will a successful life look like? How will you be spending your time? Who will you be with? What does an ideal day look like in a successful life (for you)?

Asking these questions can free us from staying on a path that no longer makes sense. It allows us to lean into our own values and priorities and create our reality with these as our guiding forces.

One friend says “Hey, we only get so many heartbeats…” True and that number is unknown. But each day we can decide where we allow those heartbeats to take us. What we do know it that “finitude” is certain. This life will end. When you are looking back over your days, how will you feel about the way you have spent them?

The Dash Poem
by Linda Ellis
I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on the tombstone
From the beginning...to the end

He noted that first came the date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years

For that dash represents all the time
That they spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved them
Know what that little line is worth

For it matters not, how much we own,
The cars...the house...the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So, think about this long and hard.
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
And more often wear a smile,
Remembering this special dash
Might only last a little while

So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life's actions to rehash...
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent YOUR dash?

As you reflect on your life and how you’re spending your time, energy, and resources today, are you content? If not, what changes do you want to make?

As you look ahead to the rest of your life, how do you want to feel? What impact do you want to have made? What do you need to do now so that you don’t burn out before you get there?

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Less is More

11/9/2021

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Photo Credit Renee Veniskey

Less is more... I know it's true and I feel the relief when I can actually let this idea guide me. And yet, I'm finding that after decades of efforting (and probably over-efforting many, many times), even when I don't think I'm doing or thinking or trying too much, I am. It really takes a lot for me to let down, to do less, to try less hard…

How have I been reminded? My body is showing me. It's coming through in chronic holding patterns in certain muscles that clench and grip all the time, even when they don't need to. It's coming through in tiredness from days that are booked too fully or that I simply fill with too many things and too many hours. It's coming through in carrying an excessive number of books and notebooks with me for short trips, thinking I'll get to way more than I do (and more than I even want to). It's reflected in mental fatigue when I think I can do too many things, accomplish too many tasks, finish too many projects in too little time! It lives in unrealistic expectations imposed upon myself that I would NEVER hold for another human being.

How might this idea that “less is more” be supportive and nourishing if it could truly be embodied and brought to life?

Well, for one, it would open up more space and time on the calendar, allowing for more breathing room, less stress, and more time to pause and relax.
It would come through in a body that feels less tight, less over-worked, less over-stressed, more rested, more open, more expansive.
It would be reflected in less clutter and more open space, fewer clothes overflowing closets and drawers, fewer books taking up every inch of shelf space and beyond (which would also lead to more breathing room and spaciousness).
Overall there would be a sense of trying less hard - less tension and effort in yoga and Tai Chi, and even in meditation. There would be a remembering there's no need or way to be perfect (especially with something that's new!).
It would come through in a more relaxed way of being in the world… letting go of any need to impress anyone or prove anything. Letting go of being the doer-of-all-things and the taker-carer-of-all-people.
There would be a sense of sweet simplicity, taking things one moment at a time - not multi-tasking, double-booking, or over-committing. This is a great time to year to be conscious about that!
There would be fewer programs paid for and never completed or feeling woefully behind in - pausing and discerning before following “bright shiny objects” everywhere would keep you cued in to what is really doable and what would truly be beneficial at this time in your life, given your current reality.
You'd find yourself not packing things too full - programs, PowerPoints, retreats, vacations, days… life!
Life would move at a sustainable pace and in a sustainable way. You could lower the bar on yourself - lessen unreasonable expectations.
You'd experience more lightness, ease, and joy, I believe! As there is less stress, angst, anxiety and worry, there's room for more openness, acceptance, wonder, and support.

What does it require?

Mindful awareness
Discernment
A willingness to resist temptation, the ability to say “no” and to be realistic
Pause (that pause… it's always so, so valuable)
Honesty, particularly with yourself
Gentleness and self-compassion

Of course, I offer all of this hypothetically speaking! I have only a vague idea what it really means to live from a “less is more” place, but I can certainly imagine the possibilities! I am willing to try it out more often!

Your invitation…
Take a few minutes to consider if “less is more” is something you'd like to experiment with in your life. Would it benefit you in any way? How and where might you begin to play with this idea, lightly, gently, and kindly? (no harsh taskmaster in a “less is more” world!).

Is there anything you need to give yourself permission for? A promise you want to make to yourself?

Play with these prompts, if you like:
I'd like less___________and more ___________
I will create less ________ and make room for more ______________
If less is more, what's possible?
Where would I like to begin?

This week's meditation, “Less is More," invites you to apply it to your practice - trying less hard, expecting less of yourself and of your practice.

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Making Tough Choices

8/10/2021

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Last week I wrote about disappointing people and how sometimes we make choices that do disappoint others. We make those choices to be honest and true to ourselves. If you missed that and want to check it out, you can find that here.

It’s also worth pointing out that the reality of life is sometimes we just will disappoint others, even when we don’t know we are. Not by choice. Not intentionally. But just by the things we do or the way we show up (or how we don’t). There’s no getting around it and you can make yourself crazy trying to make all the people happy all the time. It can’t be done… so, let go of that. And this is why we come back to the notion of being true to ourselves as a guiding light.

I have a strong hunch when we are true to the best version of ourselves (which is really what I’m talking about), you are not going to go out and ruthlessly hurt other people. If you have any concern that this will lead to reckless narcissism or deep selfishness, you can probably let that go!

And, when you are not living true to your best self, when you are being what you think other people want or need you to be, the best version of yourself cannot show up to the world. It has been relegated to the basement or some back dark room… its hunkered down longing to come alive.

Often, we stay stuck and don’t follow our hearts or our dreams because we are so afraid we’re going to let someone else down. Sometimes we don’t follow a dream because it’s scary to see it come to life (this is a weird one but I have experienced it a couple of times when life-long dreams were about to come true… glad I persisted through the discomfort and allowed them to unfold anyway).

Sooooo… let’s look at when it might be risky to make a decision because you’re not clear on whether this decision will honor you or is simply an attempt to try to please someone else.

When NOT to make a decision:
- When you’re feeling exhausted, depleted, drained, or overwhelmed. It’s highly unlikely that you’re able to access your true guidance in these states and you’re much more likely to default to what feels easiest, least controversial or bothersome. It will be easy to collapse and defer to what others are telling you or to just do what you’ve always done.
- When you’re doing it solely for someone else (with a boatload of resentment or ickiness brewing beneath the surface, even if you have the best intentions). Unless you can get to a place where you know that you are consciously choosing, it’s better to hold off if you can.

I’ve had very dear friends almost spend a lot of money and time to take a retreat or program I’m offering “to support me.” No! Please don’t do that! I appreciate the thought, but quite honestly, I don’t want you there unless you’re there for yourself! Leave the spot open for someone who truly feels called to be there.

- When your choice is based on what others will think of you. You’re not in their heads – you have no idea what they will think! And, more often than not, the people you are giving a vote to aren’t even people you care that much about! So, let that shit go! Who cares what someone else thinks about whether you add one more pet to your family, where you go on vacation, how you spend your days, that you don’t want to have a child or get married, or that you want to date after all these years?

- When you can’t think clearly. When you’re in the thick of something, especially something upsetting, you might feel constricted, forced, or limited. You may see no option or way out. This is a time to step back and find some breathing room before moving forward. Sometimes there is a true urgency that requires action anyway – I still recommend at least a few minutes of deep breathing just to slow down, pause, and interrupt that spinning cycle that could lead to impulsive reactive choices.
Sometimes the “urgency” is not real or something that someone else is trying to impose upon you (pushy sales people and disreputable businesses trying to make you “buy now! Time is running out!” BS). For me, that’s a red flag. If someone can’t give me time to think something through, then my answer will be “No!” I used to tell my kids, “If you make me answer you now, the answer is no. If you give me some time to think about it, it might be yes. I don’t know yet…” Amazing how patient they became when I didn’t cave in to fabricated pressure.

Good news! There are things that can help take you from a place of confusion into making a solid decision that you can stand behind and feel good about!

Some things that help to make a hard choice that feels good (in alignment with your heart and soul):

Time and space to breathe! BREATHE. PAUSE. If you know me at all, you’ve likely heard this a thousand times… because it bears repeating. Because it’s something I need to continue to remember. The less time you feel you have, the more important it is to take time.
Get quiet. Get grounded. See #1… and also maybe put your bare feet on the grass, take a breath of fresh outdoor air, gaze at the clouds, into a pond, or the flame of a fire. Find something that works for you to bring you back to you. Listen within. Step away from outside voices and opinions.
Move from your head into your heart. It helps to place your hands on your heart, close your eyes, and imagine breathing into this space. Ask for guidance from this heart space. You’ll know if the response you get is from your mind or your heart – the mind will try to convince, justify, rationalize, or defend a position. The heart knows. You will sense your answer rather than think it. It may not make sense to the mind, even if you get the heart buzz that says, “this is the choice to make.”
Feel into each possibility you’re considering. From a quiet, heart-centered place, where you’ve given yourself space to listen within, play out the scenario of “yes” or “no” or option A or option B, C, D…in your imagination and notice how your body feels, how your breathing responds. Is there a sense of openness, expansion, softening? Or do you feel tight, constricted, restricted? What do you make of that? Your body is a great GPS or North Star when you learn to tune into it in this way. I’ve recorded this guided meditation to support you with this exploration.
Free write about each possibility – allow your hand to move across the page as you handwrite, “If I do/choose ____...” for each one – write for a few minutes without stopping to think. When you think you’ve written all there is to say, ask yourself, “And what else?” and see what comes through. The key is to keep the pen moving so that you can tap in beneath the surface – allow yourself to be surprised. You may or may not get the answer you expected.
MAYBE talk it through with someone you trust who can help you to reflect – someone who can listen not only to what you’re saying, but for what’s not being said, for changes in your energy, changes in your voice. A good sounding board is someone who helps you arrive at your own answers. The people closest to you are not always good sounding boards, particularly if your decision might upset their life in some way. A counselor, coach, or trusted friend might be.
Listen for and notice any deeply ingrained conditioning, patterns or vows that may be coming into play and influencing you one way or the other. Things like, “I’m not someone who…” or “I swore I could never…” “things aren’t supposed to come easily – this must be too good to be true” are signs that an unconscious program is running the show. This is a great time to get curious – ask yourself, “Is that still true? Does this serve me now? What if…?”
Notice if you’re holding onto one thing while reaching for the next. Sometimes we have to let go of one bank of the river to reach the other side but we hold on, straddling both shores, being stretched thin, for fear of what we might lose if we let go. Fear of stepping into the unknown can keep us stuck even if staying with what’s known is no longer healthy, fun, or beneficial. Knowing what you’re moving toward can help make it easier to release the past. Sometimes the energy that comes from releasing and letting go can open the doors to what’s next. Sometimes we have to be willing to move forward and step into uncertainty because we don’t know how it’s going to turn out (truth bomb, you will never know how it’s going to turn out until it does… and it will never turn out at all if you don’t take a chance).

As you find yourself facing these tough decisions, know that the dream may not take the form you had imagined (I went through this when we bought our current home – we had to let go of several along the way to land in one that wasn’t at all what I imagined it would be, and yet it’s perfect for what we wanted. You can read a bit about this idea in Softening Your Gaze on a Dream.)

Invitations come that seem like they are leading us down a particular path, when in reality they may only be there to open us up to something within us or to help us clarify a definite “no.” Just because you get invited to something does not mean it’s a sign from the Universe. The Universe will put many things in your path – you still get to choose whether to pick them up, move around them, or avoid them completely.

Also, please remember, very few decisions are forever. We can keep ourselves stuck thinking “this is the only shot I’ll get at this” or “I have to get this right because this is the last job, relationship, pet, car…” I will ever have. Relax...

Allow yourself permission to play with the next move that feels right in this moment. Might you lose some money or time on a decision if you change your mind later? Sure… but is that the end of the world? I have walked away from years of education and training, thousands of dollars invested in a path that isn’t right for me anymore. I have walked away from jobs I have put years of dedication into. I have left friendships that are no longer supportive. I have supported many others to do the same – to set themselves free in service of their soul. We grow. We evolve. We become the next iteration of ourselves. Every experience, every bit of life along the way has served in some way. Nothing is a waste. It’s all led to this moment in time which is leading to the next.

What choices are you facing that you’re having a hard time making? What opportunities are waiting?

Give yourself permission to play. To try, experiment, give it a chance if it’s calling you now. Give yourself permission to change your mind down the road if that’s what’s right then. None of us can see into the future. We can only do the best we can with what we have right here and now.

The “We Can Do Hard Things” podcast (with Glennon Doyle who got me started on this whole exploration of disappointing ourselves or others) just had a great episode on Quitting! Check it out. Fascinating the narratives we run about this word that can be used positively (as in quit smoking) or negatively (as in “You’re a quitter!”)! What stories do you tell yourself about quitting? Who would you be if you did?

Get curious about how gentle or harsh you are being with yourself as you consider these choices that keep you up at night and choose the gentler path. You deserve your own compassion as you navigate these uncharted waters.

What helps you to make a tough decision?

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The Pressure of a Beautiful, Perfect Summer Day

8/3/2020

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These rare days
When the sun is shining,
The temperature is ideal,
And you know this is a cherished gem…

The pull… to do it all.
The conflict between the pull and the tired one
                who says, “I just want to rest,”
Let me savor this day,
                this moment.
Let me not rush to cram in all the things.
Let me allow the day to unfold,
                As it will.

Allow me to savor a sweet nap, receiving sleep into my being,
Savor the melted butter seeping into the warm pumpkin bread,
The sweetness of melon,
The refresh of a cool glass of water.

Let me sit on the deck
Listening to the birds,
Watching the wispy clouds,
Feeling the urgency, but letting it stay out there.
Remembering what it was to be on vacation –
With only one week, before clean up and check out.

Let me savor the living in this sacred place.

I get to be here, day in and day out.
I do not have to leave tomorrow to return anywhere.
I am home…
and it is enough to simply honor my tiredeness this day.

Sun shining and lake calm do not have to demand
                that I come out and play.
I do not need to wait for the rain’s permission
                to lay low and take it easy.

It is a perfectly lovely delight
To merely BE on this day.
To breathe in the fresh air,
To enjoy the sight of boats and jet skis,
Hurrying about,
To allow others their experience of this day.

For me… I savor the silence, the stillness,
                the rest.
I let go of the hustle – with gladness.
I am relieved to drop the burden of ambition,
or expectation,
or “I don’t want to waste this day,”
or “I must get this right.”

I feel the weight slip from my shoulders
As I simply allow and simply savor

This beautiful, perfect summer day.

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An Invitation to Reflect as You Move Forward

6/13/2020

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In the past 3 months, our world and our lives have changed in epic and unprecedented ways. There is no "going back" to anything. We can only move forward into a new chapter.  As we do, we each have the opportunity right now to pause, to reflect, to choose who we want to become, to choose what role we want to play in the new story.

We don't know what the future holds - ever - though it certainly feels more true right now than ever before. This can feel super unsettling. There is no road-map for us to follow as we step forward. We crave certainty, and yet we find time and again that the only certainty is that things will change.

So, now what? I invite you to spend some time with these questions... reflecting, sitting with them, and maybe journaling about any that interest you. Give yourself a few minutes of free writing - allow your pen to keep moving across the page without stopping so that you can tap beneath the surface and find your way to deeper insights. How long you write on any question is up to you, but you might try starting with 3 minutes and see what emerges.

We will be best able to step into the world in a grounded way when we have taken the time to get centered in ourselves. Important wisdom will come from within and beyond - a wisdom that can best be accessed in the quiet moments of a pause and reflect.

Offer yourself this gift. Take a moment to center yourself. Take a few deep breaths. Close your eyes. Maybe put your hands on your heart and earnestly consider these questions:

In the past 3 months...
1. What have you learned about yourself?

2. What have you learned about life and our world?

3. What has revealed itself as important to you?

4. What are you ready or willing to leave behind? What does not serve you? What no longer feels as important as it once did? What old beliefs or stories are ready to be discarded?

5. What would you like to carry forward? What has emerged during this time as something you don't want to forget about, take for granted, or stop doing?

6. What do you want to remember so that you don't go back to sleep, trying to "go back to normal?" It's so easy to slip back into old patterns, habits, and ways of thinking. Taking the time to reflect on this question and write out your answers will help keep you connected to any new insights you've had.

7. What is essential to you? What are your true priorities? What really matters? A friend recently noted, "We only get so many heartbeats." Let's let our moments and lives reflect our values, our desires, our priorities.

As we step into this next chapter:
8.Who do you want to become? You might reflect on this in terms of "I want to become someone who..." paying particular attention to the qualities you'd like to cultivate, the values you'd like to embody and reflect in your words and actions.

9. What is your vision for a better future for your kids, grandkids and their grandkids? Paint a picture of the future life you imagine, thinking about humanity, our planet, how we interact with one another... whatever comes up for you as important.

10. What commitments will you make right now to be part of a better tomorrow? For yourself, for your family, your community, your country, other people, animals, and the planet.

11. Knowing that you are no good to yourself, to anyone else, or to any cause that you care about unless you take good care of yourself, what promise will you make to yourself right now regarding your own self-care? Think about your body, mind, heart, and spirit as you consider this. Which area(s) most need your attention and TLC, and is there one area, that if tended to, supports each of the other 3 areas?

Would you love some support?  Consider joining Soul Care: A Self-Care Sanctuary if you would appreciate a weekly refuge to connect with others who are dedicating this time to strengthen their own self-care practice. It's hard to do this work alone! Together is so much better!!

The opportunity is here for us to let these devastating, unsettling experiences matter for the better. Let them lead us into despair, but let them call us forward into possibility.

We are at a turning point, individually and collectively, and together we can turn the tide for a better, more healthy, more just, more peaceful, and more sustainable tomorrow. I truly believe this.

This will not be a quick fix or an easy turnabout. People will resist. You will likely resist. The struggle will be real. AND, the struggle will be worth it. Trying to go back to the old ways will show us that they no longer work for so many reasons.

After you've done your inner work, find those who can teach you and support you. Those who can help you reveal your blind spots. Those who help you to discover new perspective. Those who can help you shed old beliefs and old stories.

Then, let's go forward together. Let's rise up from the destruction and build anew, imagine anew, and create anew.

What do you stand for? How strongly are you willing to stand upon that as you act, speak, and create? What possibility are you willing to consider, even if it seems unlikely or impossible, admitting to yourself that you do not know how things will turn out?

I'm with you! Let's get started... one step at a time...committing to be in this for the long haul.

Feeling unsettled in these tumultuous times?
Join me for Light on the Hill's 2-part series: Uncertainty and Trust which begins this Tuesday, June 16th. I will be one of the panelists in the June 23rd conversation.

I'd love to hear any reflections you'd like to share below in the comment section.

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What Do You Love?

5/8/2020

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Image by congerdesign from Pixabay

Now wait… before you read on,… pause.   Take a breath. Maybe close your eyes and put your hands on your heart. Get curious. With an open mind and an open heart, ask, with genuine interest… what do I love? Then see what rises up. Be willing to be surprised. What DO you love??

Recently I posed this question to a group of women who may not often think about this, particularly in the context I asked it. Also, I asked it in the middle of a global pandemic at a time when many of us are feeling weary, worried, unsettled, and uncertain. I asked moms of kids who struggle with substance use disorder –what do you love about your son or daughter? What are their best qualities?

Lots of women replied, naming so many beautiful qualities their kids embody, acknowledging that it’s been awhile since they’ve reflected on these aspects of kids who are often associated with pain and struggle. Which was exactly my point in asking the question. Not to pretend that the horrendous experiences aren’t there, but to remember that beneath this disease, there is still a loving, caring, kind, humorous, creative, generous being.

If there is a person in your life with whom you have a challenging or complicated relationship, you might take a moment to consider what qualities you love in this person.

Why am I asking you now at a time when there’s so much we don’t like, so much we are worried, scared, or discombobulated about??

I find it really helpful to remember that the whole messy mix can be true at the same time. It’s not all or nothing, black or white, good or bad. Rarely does life present itself in a neat package despite our mind’s desire to simplify it that way.

We look at what we love, not to erase or to pretend that the painful, uncomfortable, less desirable things aren’t also here. We do this to see that there’s room for it all. That it can ALL be here, at the same time, in the same reality, in the same heart. We don’t have to choose what we hate or what we love, what we’re for or what we’re against, what we want to lean into or what we want to eradicate forever. We can be with it all. You can love the sunshine and warmth, remembering that beach in your happy place, even as you cringe at the snow that is here when it shouldn’t be!

It’s a simple practice to wonder and to notice from time to time. And, so, I ask you, even in your sadness, despair, worry, or fear, to consider, remember or discover the part of you that loves.

Right now… consider, what do you love?

About yourself? What are your best qualities? (let's start here... and, if you go no further, that will be more than enough!)

About the situation you find yourself in?

About life?

About the person or people who challenge you deeply?

What do you love to do? Eat? Experience?

Who do you adore, and what is it about them that you love?

What do you love to be? Do? Have?

Feel into it with all of your senses – what images, thoughts, scents, feelings emerge? What brings a smile to your face or lights you up inside?

What brings a sweet “aaahhhh….?”

For me, a few things that come to mind right now that I love are sunsets; lakes and oceans; “The Grinch;” Snoopy; the smell of a bonfire or fresh-baked bread; sunshine and warm, fresh air; laughter; deep honest connections; the smell of a horse farm and feeling my body sway with a horse; and helping other people light up!

Now, let's be honest... it might be way easier to know what we don’t like, what we wish were different, even what we hate… And if that’s where your mind goes, then start there. When we’re deep in the muck, it can be hard to see out. Then, take a moment and look at the flip side. The opposite of what you hate is likely what you love or what you’re longing for.

Let it all be here. There is no need to jump over the uncomfortable, the painful, the sad or scary to get to the happy, peaceful, joyful feelings. We have the capacity to hold it all in these hearts of ours.

When we can touch in with what we love, we soften, if only for a moment. Something inside of us stirs.   We awaken maybe a long-forgotten spark. We connect with something deep and true.

From this place, maybe we allow ourselves to dream or desire. Or maybe we allow ourselves to simply accept someone else as they are, even with the parts we don’t like or wish weren’t there. Maybe for a minute we are able to see the essential goodness in another person. Maybe we energize ourselves enough to take that next step.

What do you love?

Feel into it. Awaken your heart. And, then please share in the comments and let’s sprinkle some love around today!

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The Invitation and Gift of This Day

4/19/2020

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I have been given this life and this day… let me not waste it on worry, fear, or dismay. Let me greet it as the gift it is and use it wisely – not feeding panic, anger, or judgment. Let me walk gently upon this earth, among these people, bringing love, kindness, and compassion. Let me take all of our well-being as a serious concern and act accordingly. Let me take care of myself, my family, and our home in a way that honors us and all beings. Let me be prepared – but not unreasonably so.
Let me take care of our needs without taking more than I need, leaving others with none.

The time for injustice, inequity, and inequality is over. The time to love and care for one another, for all beings, for the earth is here. Now. How will I respond to this moment? How will we, as a people, respond to this moment in time? How will we stay awake and not return to the mind-numb reality we have been in for far too long?

We can no longer be reckless with our lives, believing we exist as separate from others. No. We have been shown the depth and vastness of our coexistence and interdependence. There is a gift in that if we only remember. If only we respond wisely.

Now is not a time for folly or fight. Now is the time for us to come together, to rise together, to be better than we were before… not by possessing more or earning more or even doing more, but by caring more, by respecting one another more, by loving more. By choosing to look. To see. To respond to the devastation, we have caused to our earth, to our people, to all beings. We have to be brave enough to look and to see. And, then from there, choose and act.

We must not forget when this time seems to be over. We must allow ourselves to be changed in the best possible way by the devastation and destruction of today so that it has not been for naught. There is a gift in this day, and there is an invitation. How will we respond?

What thoughts or insights does this bring up for you? Please share in the comments.

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Go Gently... Please

4/3/2020

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Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

Now is a time to go gently with yourself and with others.   Now is the time for love, for generosity, for kindness and compassion – toward all beings, including you! It is the time to care deeply. It is NOT the time to judge, shame, or condemn others. I see the temptation and suspect it’s going to get stronger as we grow more impatient, frustrated, and weary. And so, I plead with you, please, please be gentle…

March 11th, just a little over 3 weeks ago, marks the day our world changed forever. It was not long ago at all and yet it feels like a lifetime ago… we got the call that morning telling us that the mighty Mom Klein had died. We visited our son (2 days before visits were shut down for the foreseeable future), grateful we could deliver this news in person and share our tears, love, and hugs. I went out to lunch with my sister at a local restaurant and enjoyed a nice meal, and probably another hug or two.

March 12th – with a growing sense of things quickly spinning into something unknown and foreign, I did a radio show with Lori and Keith from Recovery Coach University Radio. With a heightened sense of awareness, we did wipe all the equipment and surfaces with Clorox wipes and mostly kept our distance, but we didn’t yet get how serious this was. We joked about the toilet paper hoarding and shook our heads in confusion… and just to be safe, on the way home, I bought two packs. We affirmed and were relieved by my younger son’s decision to cancel his trip to Florida for Spring Break, even though he is young and healthy… already it felt like the unquestionably right call. Just days earlier I had told him I thought they’d be fine to go…

Things were changing and happening so rapidly and have been ever since. I feel like I’ve been caught in a whirlwind… internally and externally. A blur of news updates, of emails advising of extra precautions being taken which rapidly morphed into “We are closed until further notice…” Cancellations, closures, schools switching to online learning,… more and more erasures in the planner of all the trips, appointments, and events I had coming up. April went from one in which I would barely be home to one in which I will only be home, with no plans. Each day brings with it a swirl of thoughts and feelings as I try to magically predict when this will all be over, fall into despair, perk up at a story of goodness – living within the chaos of it all.

It’s a lot. We must be gentle.

There has been so much letting go… of classes, appointments, events, routines, regular support, fun times with others, contact with loved ones. And, in all this letting go, we are all feeling the weight of uncertainty. Those words “until further notice” land with a dark and ominous tone. They remind us that life is always uncertain – we just usually pretend it isn’t. Somehow it feels extra uncertain right now with so many things being disrupted all at once. The fear is palpable as this invisible antagonist sweeps around the world. As we take in the death tolls, we are faced with our own immortality and the truth that one day those we love will also die. We hope it won’t be alone.

We are ordered to shelter in place, to self-quarantine, or to PAUSE as our NY Governor has called it. For a moment we imagine all that we’ll get done in this time when busy-ness is taken away. But then we feel the weight of it all, and we are reminded of how exhausted we are and that stress takes a toll on everything. We are brought to our knees as we are forced to confront what is truly essential. To re-prioritize our lives – what really matters? Health. Relationships. Life. Love. Kindness. Compassion. Generosity.

All these free offerings?? They are oh so tempting to someone with Bright Shiny Object Syndrome, like moi! The urge to fill in all that usually coveted white space is strong, and I catch myself mindlessly signing up, saying “yes, please distract me from the here and now…” Nature abhors a vacuum, and apparently so do I. Until I reality check and realize my bandwidth is not as wide as my white space – it’s actually much, much less than before.

I remember to be gentle with myself.

I don’t need to do all the things – only those that will really nourish me. I only need to be on the calls with people and in groups that feel supportive. I can skip the rest. This might not be the time to learn a new skill or to focus on business. This might be a time when less really is more. I want to do more less!

Over the past few weeks it has been easy to let this ever-present concern consume us. It’s been easy to get obsessed even when we didn’t intend to. Even if you don’t watch the news (which I don’t generally), the news is everywhere…social media posts, headlines of breaking news at the top of my email inbox and within every single email that comes in it’s there… Coronavirus… COVID-19. We need to be informed, but we don't need to be flooded with input. It's too much to digest.

We see the inherent inter-connectedness of all beings and this both terrifies and empowers us. We are reminded that viruses don’t respect borders, oceans, or walls.

We find ourselves reeling as we ride the roller coaster of emotions in this human experience – feeling our own and the collective fear, overwhelm, sadness, dread, and grief while also being uplifted and inspired by the many acts of compassion, caring, kindness, love, and generosity. This time bringing out the best and the worst in us.

It’s a lot.

We come to realize that we are feeling more tired and less productive than we’d like – not an easy thing to accept in a culture used to driving, doing, achieving, producing, succeeding…   Suddenly we wonder what “succeeding” even means right now.

Now we realize that it’s nearly impossible to find motivation or create from a space of exhaustion and anxiety. So, we surrender to Netflix bingeing, earlier bedtimes, and longer nights of sleep.

This is our new normal, and it’s anything but “normal.” It changes moment by moment, and the only reasonable way to approach it is one moment at a time.

We feel the weirdness of endless disinfecting and keeping our hands from touching our faces. We feel the creepiness in the air as masked figures move together, but apart, averting gazes (as if we won’t really be there if we don’t look at one another), collectively holding our breath – together, but apart.

And we're reminded that in the empty streets what feels like the end of the world is also a reflection of our great act of love, our care and concern for others, our desire to be part of the solution.

It’s. A. LOT!

So, please… go gently into this next day. Into this next moment.

Take breaks – a lot of breaks. Get more rest than feels reasonable.

Offer tender loving care to your sweet self.

Say “yes” to the things that make you happy.

Bake the familiar goodies that comforted you as a child (Betty Crocker Blueberry Buckle for me today!).

Wear clothes and jewelry that feel good. Maybe wear things from places you’ve loved or concerts you’ve enjoyed (today I’m wearing my Albuquerque sweatshirt to mark that I should have been arriving there this afternoon).

Hug a tree. I’m pretty sure that’s still a safe thing to do!

Offer a loving smile to a stranger. Call a friend.

Extend love and compassion freely, often, and wherever you can, beginning with yourself.

Know that we will get through this.

Please.

Go gently… until further notice.

How are you going gently these days?? Please share in the comments below. We can learn from you.

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A Vow

1/1/2020

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Often in our lives we make vows that serve to keep us safe or comfortable, but don’t really serve us in the grander scheme of things… vows like, “I’ll show them!” “I will NEVER be like _______!” (likely someone who probably has some good qualities as well as whatever you are reacting to right now). “ I am not someone who ______!” (takes a risk that might actually bring joy or peace). “I will never love again!” “This is just who I am.” You get the idea… do you have any of these?

This morning I awoke with a strong vow brewing within me, needing to be expressed. This is what it is – I vow to bring something positive out of our experience with addiction into this world. And, more importantly, I vow that addiction will NOT take my life, regardless of what it does to my son. It does not have to break me, shatter me, or my world.

This came to me almost as a promise to my son as I reflected on people I love, people who are my teachers – this journey will not be for nothing. I feel a strong awareness and strength that I am still here. I am still standing…despite many years of turbulence. I will do something positive and not let this monster destroy me, destroy us. I am taking a stand for my life, my marriage, my work, and my larger family.  This is a stand I can take against this beast which seeks to consume and destroy my son, as well as everything in its wake.

I get to draw the line on where its damage stops. It does not get to take everything from me. Period. That is within my control. I do not have the disease. It is not coursing through my veins and brain, and it does not get to define me or my life.

This feeling is strong and vital as it surges through me – this life force energy that declares, “I will live. I will thrive. You cannot take me too.” It’s not an angry reactive feeling, but rather a deeply calm, clear, and oh-so-strong knowing deep, deep, deep in my soul.

I have purpose. I have passion, and I will embody them and be a light in this world. A lighthouse. A beacon for those who are lost in stormy waters. I do not have to go down with my son, and I most certainly will not, no matter how many times it beats at my shores, knocks me down, tears at my heart. Again, and again I will stand – I will rise again and lift others up as we stare down this beast, and say, “NO! Your damage stops here!”

Well, all righty then… happy New Year! Here I am world! Apparently writing my manifesto for the decade… The power in this image and these words is palpable. I am here. I am alive. I claim my life and step boldly, strongly into 2020, this year, this decade, this next day of my life.

That’s all each of us is asked to do in any given moment – just show up. Don’t give up. Don’t hide out. Show up. The world needs what each of us has to bring and no one else has what you have to offer. Your experiences, your vision, your words, your creativity – uniquely yours and deeply needed. It doesn’t matter what’s already been said or done… no one else has done or ever will do what YOU have to offer. There is only one _____________ (insert your name here), and there will never be another like you.

We each have demons and things that threaten our well-being, peace of mind, and happiness. What are yours and what stand do you want to take on behalf of yourself this day?

As for me? I vow to make this life matter. I vow to take what I’ve learned from some of my most painful experiences and offer them as hope, strength, and inspiration. And, I vow to enjoy my life – to live while I can, with no waiting. I will be brave and courageous and wholehearted in my living – thank you, Brene´ Brown for that inspiration! I am here and I choose to live!

How about you?
As you step into this day, this new year, this new decade, what vow will you make as a heart promise to yourself? Where can you be a light? Please drop me a note or share below. I’d love to hear! Together we help each other to see possibilities we may not have imagined before. I stand beside you as we journey boldly into this new moment.

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Unknown and Uncertainty

Striving, Success, and Sustainability

Less is More

Making Tough Choices

The Pressure of a Beautiful, Perfect Summer Day

An Invitation to Reflect as You Move Forward

What Do You Love?

The Invitation and Gift of This Day

Go Gently... Please

A Vow

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