The new year is almost upon us – that magical time that comes once a year when the whole world seems to celebrate the turning of the calendar – this new beginning.  A chance for a fresh start.  And, while we know that every moment offers the chance for a fresh start, let’s ride this wave of collective energy and mindfully enter into 2019 with vision, intention, and hope. 


​Let’s look back on 2018 and carry its wisdom and strength with us as we distance ourselves from the things that wear us down, slow us down, or stop us from fully living our lives. 

At this time of transition let’s reflect on the following questions.  I invite you to try some journaling or free writing to allow the deep inner wisdom to emerge.

1. In the past year, what really made me feel alive?  What stirred my passion?  What lit my inner flame?  What am I excited to remember?
2. What sorrows and losses did I experience this year?
3. What would I like to let go of as I step into 2019?  Beliefs, stories, habits, people, things… ?
4. Who do I want to be in this new year?  HOW do I want to be?  Is there an energy or quality that I feel carrying me toward this year?
5. What do I hope to bring to life, to create, and to enjoy in 2019?
6. What am I no longer willing to do or be in 2019? 
7. What is possible for me?  

As you reflect on these questions, what supports do you want to put in place this year that will nourish and uplift you?  Who would you like to have more time with?  Less time with?  Where are the places you long to go – places that fill your heart and soul?  And, what else?  What else arises for you as we gently say good-bye to 2018 and welcome ourselves into 2019 with love, compassion, curiosity, and tenderness? 

Dear one, I wish for you all that you can imagine to be possible!  And then some!  Here’s to a sweet new year!! 

If you are a mom who’s been impacted by your son’s or daughter’s addiction or other mental health conditions, I invite you to start the year with serenity.  Join me and a small group of moms in Rochester, NY at the beautiful Mercy Spirituality Center January 11-13 as we take time to be nourished and nurtured, to connect with our inner wisdom and guidance, and gift ourselves with a foundation of self-care and self-compassion.  Details and registration for Starting the Year with Serenity is here.  Now through December 31st, save $50 off your registration by entering coupon code “holiday” simply for being part of this community.  I would love for you to be part of this circle if this calls to you. 
 

​There was a day when I didn't know about retreats and how powerful they are and what a critical piece of my well-being they would become  I imagine there are others out there who also wonder... who haven't yet discovered the magic of retreat.  So, I'd like to share with you just a few great reasons to give yourself the gift of retreat, for however long you may take or in whatever form!  What are some of the benefits and why would anyone make the investment of time and energy to retreat for a bit? 

1. Get out of routine - there's great value in simply breaking the pattern of everyday life - of taking yourself out of your usual habits and routines.  By changing things up, we tap into wonder and curiosity about life.  We begin to open to new ideas, insights, and creativity. We open our eyes to new perspectives. We see new possibility that we hadn't considered before.  We lighten up, let go, and even have fun!!  When you break away from the daily routine, there is nothing to fix or figure out.  Your mind can truly rest.  Aaahhhh...  to me, that alone is worth the price of admission!  

2. Slow down - We live in a world where go, go, go, is the norm.  Demands are coming fast and furious and we find ourselves pulled in so many directions with no relief in sight.  Our pace is unsustainable and our to-do list never-ending.  But, we don't know how to stop sometimes.  This pace is taking a toll on our health and well-being.  When we slow down, we calm our mind and soothe the nervous system. Then we notice the beauty of nature, our own body, people in our world.  We have to step off the hamster wheel to be with these sweeter things.  

3. Quiet the outer noise -  Oh my goodness!  There is so much coming at us all the time - news, ads, social media, political banter... it's an endless onslaught of noise, opinions, and provocations.  You've noticed that, right?  Just taking a media break for a brief period of time is super healing and restorative.  Imagine room to breathe without your phone constantly pinging in your ear.  Step away and feel the sigh of relief and the sense of peace.  In this space we begin to listen to our hearts and souls and hear our own inner guidance.  

We don't need more intensity - the world brings plenty of that.  We don't need more things to do - we have more activities than we can keep up with already.  Retreat is designed to be restorative and nourishing.  

Why do you retreat? Please join the conversation in the comments and let us know!  Together we grow and learn!  

Does retreat sound good to you? If you like this sound of this and would love to join a circle of like-minded women who are ready for a little of this retreat sweetness, join us in the beautiful Poconos at the Himalayan Institute for Coming Home to Yourself: A Women's Renewal Retreat August 10-12. 

At my retreats, everything is an invitation.  You are free to rest as needed. Explore the 400 gorgeous acres as you commune with nature or give your body some movement among the trees and hills if that's your thing.  Gather in our circle around the campfire. Check out a yoga class or meditation session.  And, rest into a world of no expectation. 

I hold our retreat space as safe and sacred - in this space you need only show up for yourself.  You are free to participate in the way that's comfortable for you and you are free to share and listen knowing that this is a zone where these is no advising, no figuring out what anyone else "should" do, and no worry that anyone is going to tell you what you should do.  This is a place and space to deepen your connection with yourself and to learn to honor yourself more deeply than ever before.  

Questions?  Let me know!  Know someone who would love this?  Please share this with them!  And, if you're ready to jump onboard, you can register here! 

"A women's retreat springs from and is about stepping out of your ordinary existence to listen and attune to your truest, most authentic self...  It is setting apart time to tend the hearth of your inner life, feed your muse, reclaim your dreams."  ~ Jennifer Louden, The Women's Retreat Book

​I have a dirty little secret...
Let me set the scene. This past weekend, I attended a continuing education course on body weight movement and strength training. I left the house bright and early both mornings, returning after 6pm both nights, leaving my husband to hang with our brood (Sierra 14, Jack 10 and Cooper 18 months).


​It’s important to note that this is the longest single stretch that I had been away from Cooper since he was born, and that my husband gets a little flare of anxiety when left alone too long with what can only be described as an intensely energetic range of kiddos.

So, what’s the big secret?

• I could feel the guilt mounting in the days leading up to the weekend. Should I take the time for myself? Should I see if I could bring the kids for some of the action so that the husband could get a break? Was I being selfish...all self-imposed guilt I might add.

And, here’s the part I really wasn't expecting.

• When I rolled up at the end of my first day, exhausted and sweaty, I was shocked by my reaction. The day had been wonderful (for my family), filled with park time, successful nap time, and lots of ease. The house was even cleaner than I had left it that morning. So, why did I feel so damn sad?  Instead of seeing this as a victory for all, I suddenly felt a panicky feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was no longer needed...my mom-life identity was being threatened.​

Who was I if not the person who could run the house smoothly, anticipate needs before they were stated, and soothe a grumpy toddler?

We’ve all heard the term empty nest syndrome, but what about full nest syndrome?

All my kids are still under one roof, needy as ever, and I have longed for more free time to work on my business, health, life...But, once I had successfully taken this time, I found myself unable to appreciate the foundation of safety and security that we’ve established as a family.

The capable, awesome humans who can thrive without my constant presence hasn’t filled me with pride. It has instead left me with a huge feeling of emptiness. 

WTF?

Here’s what happened next. I let my younger self surface, throw a mini-temper tantrum (for my husband’s eyes only), made a few ridiculous comments about how I should just plan to go away every weekend, or move to Canada, cried a little, had a restless night of sleep, had my ah-ha moment and then started to get REALLY EXCITED.

Why I am subjecting you to this story? Because, that’s how it goes with a mom-life crisis. We have these opportunities to find our ah-ha moments no matter where we are on the journey. There will come a time when you will be confronted by your own identity. The Daughter, Mom, Wife, Lover, Entrepreneur...

We use these titles to help describe the people we are in the world, but they are not WHO WE ARE. This past weekend I thought I was a physician learning safe and effective movement strategies to enhance strength and mobility by day, and a mother and wife by night. But, after sitting in the uncomfortable muck of emotion that surfaced, and toning down my ego, I realized that I am a strong, capable woman who works hard every day to show up with integrity, who has the power to give life, kiss scraped knees, laugh, love and cry all in one day.

Take a step back and think about all the hats you wear, your different identities. Now think about the person underneath all of that, the one who had the will, stamina and fortitude to get you where you are today. That is who you are. That is the person who gets hidden, or lost when we start to pin ourselves to a single word.

It's about balancing the person you are with all the hats that you wear, and never being afraid to ask for help in accomplishing your goals. That means being willing to ask your community for what you really need, and being willing to invest resources into your own health and well-being - not spending everything you have on your kids and leaving yourself high and dry!

If you can relate to the idea of having a mom-life crisis, or you’ve ever found yourself floundering between what you think you should do, and what you know you want, I invite you to take a look at my One Page Wellness Consult over here. It’s my way of helping you find your footing. By taking simple, effective and efficient steps towards your health goals you become just a little more YOU.

​I was asked to write about the theme of “just a little light” this month.  So many possibilities arose of where I could take it…  Let your light shine;  Marianne Williiamson’s famous quote, “It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us;” what lights you up? lighten up; take a lighthearted approach; light vs. dark.  So many choices. 

What I landed on is a reflection of the light we all have within us – what my friend, Janet Rozzi, calls our “inner pilot light.”   I love this image because it reminds me that even when we can’t feel it, there is always a flicker of a flame burning below the surface, just waiting to be ignited.  

You know those moments of intense aliveness when you can feel the fire burning in your belly, lighting you up from inside with excitement, love, joy, or even anticipation??  We all have those from time to time, but if we were to try to sustain this level of intensity, we would burn out! 

And, then there are the moments of darkness when we barely feel a spark at all.  We feel as if we are lost in the shadows, unable to find our way out.  Our light has dimmed to such a low level that its power does not fuel us or feed us in a palpable way. 

For most of us, those experiences represent the extremes.  Most of the time we are living more in a mid-range experience – not too hot, not too cold; not too bright, not too dark.  And, therefore, we barely notice the light at all. 

So, it’s a good practice to remember that this light is in there, guiding us through our days, shining a beacon of possibility into the dark hours.  Take moments of quiet and stillness to tune into it, to feel the aliveness gently burning within.  Meet yourself where you are and notice what you need.  

Through gentle inquiry, ask yourself what it is that would fan the flames to stoke the fire of vitality?  Just as fire needs oxygen to fuel its flames, often times with us, breath is the perfect life-bringing force.  Simply begin with the breath.  Notice the expansion throughout your body and the calming of your mind as you slowly and deeply breathe in and then exhale completely. 

You can also notice what it is it that causes your light to darken or dim.  What changes or choices could you make to bring more light, more brightness to your days?  

Remembering that we are never in a static state of blissful brightness or eternal darkness helps us to remember that we have many choices.  We begin with ourselves where we are and gently nurture whatever light is there. 

If we’re feeling particularly dark, we remember that we have ways to bring that sparkle back.  Sometimes simply by thinking of something or someone that brings us joy can bring a smile that radiates through the eyes.  We’ve all seen the people who have a glistening sparkle in their eye, and we’ve each been that person at times.  What is it we want to bring in or let go of to amp up the sparkle that begins deep in our core?  

Marianne Williamson’s quote closes with these words: “And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

How might we be the light and bring the light today?  What difference could that make in the world?  

​My husband and I have a way of saying, “Sooooo, that just happened,” in unbelievable moments when our world has just been rocked, and we’re trying to find our footing a bit.  It helps us to take a step back, smack ourselves back into reality, and realize that we have to figure out what our next move will be.  

Election 2016 in the US is behind us.  Thank goodness, because, quite frankly, it’s one of the most ugly, upsetting, and divisive things I’ve experienced in my 52 years of life!  And, sadly, the ugliness has not gone away. 

And, if like me, you found yourself reeling as the states were called and what felt like an impossibility became possible and then very real, you might be trying to find your ground now and trying to figure out how to move forward.  

It’s been almost a week and it’s clear that many are still reeling, and that is totally okay.  As one of my teachers said today, “This isn’t like losing the World Series.”  No, this is far bigger and far more important.

For those of you who are grieving now, feeling sad, angry, confused, lost, hopeless, fearful, and don’t know what to do next, I stand with you and I offer you this post.  It is easy to sink into despair and project out into the future with doom and gloom scenarios.  It’s all too easy to engage in defensive or attacking battle in the social media world.  With the rhetoric that has been spewed, the anger-inciting behavior we’ve witnessed, the early actions taken, and the violent reactions we’re seeing, it’s easy to go there.  

Let me reassure you all that I am not offering any Pollyanna BS, nor am I asking you to find a silver lining.  I will not pretend to hold your answers, and I will not tell you to get over this. Nor do I intend to add fuel to the fire and rile you up for battle.  My hope is only to walk with you as we move into tomorrow. 

It’s taken me days to finish this post because I am swimming in my own confusion and in the murkiness of all that’s being hurled around in the news and on Facebook.  Never before have I seen such a free-for-all of opinion sharing, judgment, shame, blame, and flat out attacks on those who view the world and the situation differently.  

I’ve certainly had my own opinions, shared my own views, and openly questioned things that simply couldn’t land in my heart and head.  I’ve been uncharacteristically vocal during this election and in its aftermath because it feels too important not to be silent. And I make no pretense of being “holier than thou” here.  I am doing the best I can with what I’ve got. 

So, what now?  Early on November 9, my first move after hearing the news was to turn to my teachers via social media to see how they were reacting.  And, what I found was…nothing.  Crickets…  They weren’t there yet, because they too were reeling.  They had no more inspiration to offer in the midst of shock than I did.  They were taking their own time to be stunned, to feel, to grieve, and to maybe come to some level of groundedness before they could speak.  

As I struggled with my own shock, sadness, grief, fear, and confusion, after I sobbed… after I got to yoga and moved a bit, I came home to myself and to the wisdom of my many teachers. I share it with you now in the hopes that perhaps some of it may be useful for you in this or other turbulent times. 

From Tara Brach – Ask the poignant question, “Are you at war with reality?”  This election is over.  The results are in, and I only cause myself more suffering by denying it with screams of “Nooooooo!” or spinning into “How, how, how did this happen?”  Though these were certainly among my first reactions. Being at war with what is does not serve me; I need to find a way to accept it as reality, though I do not have to like it or get over it.  I have to come to terms with what’s before me.   

From Renee Trudeau – Pause.  It is so essential to stop and just breathe for a moment when it seems like everything is in a frenzy.  Pause to create some space around what’s happening.  Pause to find my breath.  Pause to tune into what’s coming up for me and within me.  

From Tara again (and Renee and Jen Louden who reinforce this regularly) – Be with what’s here.  Notice what’s happening in my body.  Feel into it.  Don’t try to chase it away, but just be with it.  Notice it, allow it, and then nurture myself in the loving way I would a dear friend.  Feel the pain and the suffering.  Do not jump over it or try to do a bypass of it.  Be with it.  
From Renee again – Remember the critical importance of self-care and her beautiful definition: “Self-care is the art of attuning and responding to our needs and desires, moment to moment.”  What is it I need in this moment?  The pausing and the noticing gives me a shot at answering this question.  This is all I can do.  Only by taking good care of me can I have any hope of offering anything to anyone else.  I must begin here now that I’ve found and caught my breath.
 
“I will not abandon myself!”  This has been my most powerful mantra since I first learned it from Renee a couple of years ago.  Nothing and no one can take me away from my values, what I stand for, what’s true and integral for me.  And, I need to remember first and foremost to be here for myself in loving kindness and gentleness as I notice what’s up and again offer myself the space to be real with what’s here and to nurture myself accordingly.  

From Jen Louden – Remember to believe in our essential goodness – my own and everyone else’s.  This is a hard one right now because it doesn’t feel like love, kindness, compassion, or goodness have been at play to bring about this outcome.  And, yet, the people who voted for Trump are the same neighbors and community members they were yesterday – the sweet couple with their little girl behind me in line to vote.  I don’t know who his voters are, but for the most part, I believe they’re voting their conscience.  I believe this, even when we strongly disagree on so much.  And, beyond the extremists who voice their hatred and bigotry openly and loudly, I do not believe labelling an entire group of people is helpful or fair.  

I need to remember our common humanity, and that we have more in common than not.  Putting people into camps of “us” vs. “them” does not serve me or anyone else and only deepens the divide.  Yet, this is what I continue to see playing out over and over in thread after thread.  It’s exhausting and it’s disheartening.  This does not serve the future of our country.  We’ve been there before.  The Civil War springs immediately to mind.  I’m not looking for a replay of that.  

From Laura Berman Fortgang – “Discomfort = growth.”  There is tons of discomfort here, so where is the opportunity for growth?  Where are the opportunities to show up?  What is my discomfort bringing up and what is it calling me to?  Nothing changes when we stay comfortable.  This election certainly has shaken us up and feels like a wake-up call.  We can’t go back to sleep.  

From my own life experience – Sometimes it takes being shaken up to get out of complacency.  Often it’s from the darkest moments that we do our greatest work.  Life is calling us to show up now – our wisdom, our love, our debate, our commitment, our passion, our questions, our action – they’re being shaken awake and we need them all.  

I remembered the things that ground me, that bring me back to clarity. I remembered to come home to myself.  For me this means I need silence, stillness, space and time for reflection and meditation.  I need to get to yoga. I need to write. I need to find my breath and anchor there when there is nothing else that I can grasp onto.  I need to surround myself with mindful people and have honest conversations; connection feels really important right now.  I need to try to tap into faith, and I’m finding that hard.  I need to remember that I’m resilient as hell, and so are we as a collective.  We will get through.  What it will look like on the other side, I don’t know.    

From the recovery world – You have to hit bottom before you can sober up and get on the road to recovery.  These are sobering times, for sure.  Maybe this is our bottom.  

One of the things that came out in this election which greatly saddened me was the clarity of how deeply divided we are, of how far we have NOT come since Martin Luther King Jr. or Susan B. Anthony.  It also saddened me to think that the “change” we just voted for might actually set us back in time and deepen the divide.  We’ve been given many reasons to believe it could.  

So, it was a sobering day for many of us and it’s been a turbulent, sobering, and explosive time in the past week.  And, so the road to recovery lies before us, and we can step on it as we are ready, when we are ready, and not until we are.  For now, be where you are… feel it rather than stuff it, but don’t get stuck in the swamp of doom and gloom never to rise again – we need you. 

So, we find a force that motivates and mobilizes us – whether it’s the power of hope, or the strong drive for justice.  We listen to where we are being called.  And, when we hear the call (which will be different for each of us), we show up.  It could be for the environment, civil rights, healthcare, or poverty – there are so many areas that need you.  Where are you being called and how might you begin to take action there and make the impact that only you can?  

Perhaps it’s time we don’t rely on the government for funding or support.  Dark times often lead us to do great things.  

The reality is that how YOU show up to your life matters. Nothing has changed this. How you show up (positively or negatively) ripples out.  What energy do you want to bring as we move forward?  For move forward we must, each in our own time.  I know some are not ready yet. I’m not sure I am, but I do know that the sun keeps rising and the moon still moves steadily through its cycles.  As one of my friends noted last week, I take comfort in the rhythms of nature. 

What is it that will carry you on, one step at a time into the tomorrow we walk toward together?  What will comfort you and nourish you in a time when your energy is needed?  Who do you want in your world?  Who’s your support and who challenges you to greatness?  What are the practices that can bring you back to “this moment?”  What will stop you from projecting out to an unknown future?  We must begin where we are.  And, whatever you do, please do not go back to sleep.