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Out of the Darkness...Into the Light

12/21/2021

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As I revisit and revise this post, originally written for MomPower last year, I am sitting with some fresh, raw, and very deep sadness.  I am grateful to re-read this message and take it into my own heart as I sit with myself with tears streaming down my face. 

​Today marks the winter solstice here in the Northern Hemisphere.  On this darkest day of the year, the pivotal moment between dark and light, it is the perfect time to honor the darkness that has come into our lives.  It is a time to honor those who have been lost and to remember them with love.  It is a time to honor the struggle and the perseverance of those who are on a challenging journey and to honor ourselves and other loved ones who have also found a way through the darkness. 

In honoring the darkness and in grieving the losses we have endured, we bring those moments into the light.  When we bring them into the light, they are no longer hiding in the shadows, lurking in shame, or hidden in silence.  We claim and name our experience.  We see it for what it has been.  We presence it. 

When we do this, we are able to step forward into the light.  Just as the days begin to get longer with a bit more light from tomorrow on, we too can begin to bring more light into our homes and our beings. 

Addiction, cancer, mental illness (to name a few) are painful diseases, as you undoubtedly know.  They affect everyone in their wake and can take down entire families with the weight of suffering. 

However (and this is a big however), the journey from darkness to light does not have to take us out forever.  It is possible to find hope, joy, peace, love, and to create a brighter tomorrow, even when we have been impacted by a loved one's disease. 

If you are reading this, you are alive, and for that fact alone there is reason to celebrate.  You have been given the opportunity to live one more day.  What will you do with this one precious life you have been given?  How will you set your soul free to express itself?  What is uniquely yours to do?

Is there some way to honor your journey up to this very moment--the good, the bad, and the ugly, the full messiness of it all?  The painful, the joyous, the fearfulness, and the hope?  Whatever it’s looked like in the past, today marks a new day, albeit a short one.  Tomorrow offers the light of fresh possibility, as each day does.  How do you want to step into tomorrow? 

If we are able to find a way to turn our pain (or darkness) into possibility (or light), we can transform these heavy experiences into something that serve and support us and others.  We can show up for life more fully.  We can become who we were born to be. With each loss I experience I also experience a fresh resolve to live this life even more fully. 

Let’s face it, the past 2 years have carried a full load of darkness, collectively, along with anything that you might have experienced personally. 

For many the holidays are emotionally-charged times and may bring in a healthy mix of emotions… sadness, joy, celebration, loneliness. I know I will be feeling both sadness for those who are not with us during this holiday season as well as joy and gratitude for those who are. 

There is room for it all.  When we allow ourselves to feel it all, to allow our hearts to carry this messy mix of what makes us human, we are able to move through it. 

“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” ~ Brene Brown
 
So, let this pivotal day be a day that marks the honoring of both the dark and the light.  Let us take a step back and look at the big picture of our lives and recognize that our experiences have not been all good or all bad, but rather a mix of both. 

These diseases can entomb us with their heavy cloak of darkness if we let them, but we can choose to lift up the corner of that cloak and peek outside.  We can lay down the heaviness and step into the light.  We get to choose. 

We may well prefer the moments of lightness, light-heartedness, and light in general, but there is also a gift to receive during the dark and challenging times.  We must be willing to sit with this part of our reality if we are to truly enjoy the light. 

I have found that it is in the dark where I have grown the most.  I wonder if that might be true for you as well.  I offer you this poem for consideration.  

The Places We Grow
It’s in the dark,
in the shadows,
where we stretch and grow.
 
We face ourselves
and see a new or forgotten aspect,
a piece we’d rather ignore or deny.
 
But there it is…
staring us down,
daring us to change,
to find a new way,
or to simply come into acceptance.
 
Sometimes it’s about overcoming
or adjusting.
Finding a way to do this with
love, compassion,
and gentle communion.
 
Honoring the self…
who I am,
where I am,
what I need,
what my baggage is.
 
And stepping into a deeper layer,
excavating and shifting,
allowing new light in,
and new hope out.
 
These are the places we grow –
often watered
and nourished with tears.
 © Barb Klein, 2016, “The Places We Grow,” from 111 Invitations: Step into the Full Richness of Life
 
Where and how can you nourish yourself today?  How might you allow some new light in--to your being, to your life?  How can you allow a little more hope to shine into the world? 
 
Begin by greeting yourself exactly where you are--gently, with tenderness, care, and compassion.  Offer yourself the space and grace to feel into what’s alive within your heart at this moment.  Ask your heart what it needs at this moment to be truly nurtured and nourished.  Then respond accordingly.  You deserve your own loving care.
 
We are on the cusp of a new year and we can only hope that 2022 is bringing with it new possibility, hope, and fresh beginnings.  Today let’s pause.  Let’s look at our lives and our loved ones with reverence. Let’s honor this journey where we have walked, crawled, and stumbled while we look ahead to the light of new creativity.  Let’s let this darkest day of the year—December 21-- be a personal pivotal moment for us to enter an illuminated future.  



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Lessons, Legacy, and Lightness...

12/7/2021

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It’s been a week… a week of BIG lessons, of reflecting on legacy, and of weaving lightness into it all (thanks to a friend reminding me of that one!).  Much of this came from being on retreat with a beautiful group of wise, loving, vulnerable, courageous, and open-hearted women.  Being in community like that seems to draw out deeper insights and wisdom than what I could discover on my own.  Sharing silence, sharing meals, sharing practices like meditation, yoga, and Tai Chi somehow deepens and enhances them.  And, retreat has a magic of its own… it works on us in its own way, for sure! 

Lessons learned: 
  • Sharing the load, whether it’s work or pain is a beautiful opportunity that brings deep relief and enriches everyone​
  • We all carry pain, grief, and unimaginable turns of events in our lives.  We do not have to carry our pain alone when we can find people we trust.  Comparing our stories or circumstances to anyone else’s can silence us and lead us to stuff what we’re feeling, and that’s just not helpful.  Our pain is valid too.  Stuffing it or holding it in silence is unsustainable – find someone you trust to share a bit with. 
  • Same with our dreams – we don’t have to hold them alone in silence.  When we can find people with “believing eyes” as Sonia Choquette calls them, our dreams, hopes, and visions get infused with a fresh energy!  And, there’s no point in comparing our dreams to anyone else’s.  You’re not here to live out anyone’s ideas and purpose other than your own!
  • Laughter is good for the soul. Right!?  You already knew that!  It’s especially good when the world feels so heavy.  Go ahead… have a great belly laugh as soon as you can!  
  • We all want to be seen and heard.  To know that we matter, at least to one other being.  We have no idea who’s listening or who we’re reaching simply by being who we are. Trust me. You matter. 
  • When we share our stories, our sadness, our regrets, our hopes, and our visions, we give others permission to do the same. Also, as we listen to others, we find more threads of commonality than we could have imagined.  We can relate on a heart level to one another’s joys, hopes, sadness, fear, and grief and marvel at our interconnection. 
  • Opening our hearts softens us.  Compassion and love are limitless.  And, it’s in our softness that we find our true power – not from muscling through, pushing on, or forcing things, but from relaxing and allowing ourselves a willingness to hear and feel what feels right and true for us. 
  • We are often much better at knowing what others need and caring for them than we are at knowing what we need and how to care for ourselves.  But, as we learn to turn our TLC toward ourselves, allowing ourselves to be filled up and nourished, everyone benefits. 
  • We are also much better at seeing other people’s gifts while we are so often blind to our own.  We extend them generosity, grace, and permission that we deny ourselves.  We invite them to share their insights and creativity, and too often we hold back our own. 
  • People are WEARY!  There is too much noise out there right now.  Our bodies need rest, our minds need rest, our souls need rest, and our hearts need rest.  They also need quiet in order to have the space to hear inner wisdom, to tap into creativity, to gain fresh perspective, or to consider a new possibility.  And, we all need to feel connection and love. 
  • Silence is the secret sauce that opens hearts, sets souls free, and invites us to hear the wisdom of our own whisperings.
  • Sometimes our isolation is self-imposed.  We may have set up walls or hidden away for one reason or another.  The good news is that we hold the key to setting ourselves free!
  • We too often suffer silently while others are oh so willing to extend a hand, offer a hug, sit and simply listen, or allow you to delegate a piece of the work to them. 
  • No one needs fixing, saving, or advising!  They may need a sounding board.  They may need to hear themselves talk something through.  They might even ask for suggestions, but most often when given space and time, they are able to tap into their own guidance and wisdom and find the ideas and answers that suit them. 
  • Challenging our assumptions and beliefs is a valuable and worthwhile exercise.   When we think we know for certain, it is worth pausing and asking, “Am I sure that this is true?”  Particularly when what we are thinking is that we are unwelcome, unworthy, undeserving, unacceptable, or un-anything… 
  • When we show up and get out of our own way, beautiful things can happen!
  • Listen more than you talk.  Give your attention… and speak when your heart compels you to (there’s usually something that someone needs to hear when we come from this place). 
 
   I’m reading a great book now called More Time to Think by Nancy Kline, and in it she clarifies             “Listening to reply is (very) different than listening to ignite.”  Oh yes!  Listen… take in this being         who’s sharing with you.  Listen with your whole being.  Listen without waiting to add your thoughts,     and when you are inspired to respond (from that heart-centered place), do so in a way that inspires     something within them! 
  • From Cathy Dasson, yoga teacher and yoga therapist extraordinaire (who offered this beautiful yoga nidra a few weeks ago): “Do what you need.  Nothing more.  Effortless effort.  You’re amazing when you soften!” 
  • And, declare out loud and preferable with joyful dance, I AM HERE!  (Thank you, Pink, for this amazing song!  We had a lot of fun letting ourselves break free with it this weekend!). 
  • Let delight enter your days!  Embrace who you were born to be while you let go of the ideas of who you’ve imagined yourself to be, and claim the life you are here to live!
  • Legacy can be thought of as simply asking how you want people to feel for having known you or been in your presence.  What do you hope they will say about you when you’re gone?  What core qualities do you want to spread?  These can be your North Star that guides everything you do, from work to friendships to family relationships.  These qualities are the magic recipe that make up you!  They are irreplicable for there is only one you walking this earth at this time. 
So, that’s a bit of what I’ve learned this past week!  You most certainly don’t need my permission, but I’m going to offer it anyway in hopes that it will encourage you to find your own “permission granted” statements.  Permission granted to let others help you carry your burden or struggle.  Permission granted to ask for and receive support (I promise you it gets easier as you do it more often, even if it’s wickedly uncomfortable at first!  It sure was for me!!).  Permission granted to acknowledge your needs, your longings, your desires, wishes, and hopes, and to ask for what YOU need!  Permission granted to be you!!

What resonates with you?  What would you question, disagree with or push back on? 

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    About me...

    I am a writer, coach, and teacher, and I love capturing life's many moments through writing, whether that be journalling, blogging, poetry, or essay.  I have always found the written word as a natural way for me to express what lies within.  

    This is the space where we get real.  I will write about my life experiences and things that I find my clients encounter in their daily lives.   

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Barb Klein
Inspired Possibility
585-705-8740
barb@inspiredpossibility.com