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An Extraordinary Life

9/28/2015

2 Comments

 
Recently a friend commented to me that I have quite an “extraordinary life.”  Hearing that hit me with a familiar sting… a long-held belief that I need to hide or apologize for the life I’ve created.  Shame over being “spoiled,” for having a great husband, for being able to do work I love, and for making time to honor and care for myself. But as I thought about it some more, I realized that yes, I do have an extraordinary life, even while it’s not all roses and sunshine by any means.  

Some parts of my life are not at all what I would like them to be, and in another conversation a friend could easily be saying, “Oh, poor you.  How do you survive?” Most of the time I not only survive, I thrive, because I choose to focus on the big picture, and overall life is pretty damn good. And, I don’t need to apologize for that. In fact, I need to claim it because I have created this life. 

Yes, I am lucky to have an amazing husband who supports me in all that I do – that too was a choice I made/we made.  A choice to date and marry him, to invest in our relationship during the dark moments, and work on the partnership we’ve had for 30 years, and to recommit to him in front of 80 friends and family for the rest of my life.  He wasn’t handed to me on a silver platter at my birth, and we didn’t get to where we are today without commitment, work, love, humor, and a willingness to draw together in tough times. 

I have an extraordinary life and I truly believe that an extraordinary life is available to each of us, whether you have an amazing partner or not. In fact, I believe you probably have an extraordinary life right now, even if you haven't seen it that way. 

Life doesn’t always go the way we planned it to.  “Bad” things happen to us and to people we love. Dreams we’ve held forever don’t come true or shatter all around us.  Stories of what family should look like may be more fiction than truth in our world.  Our work and financial life might not look like what we’d love it to be.  And, always, always, always we have a choice about how we respond and what we do with life.  The chain of choices and responses leads to today’s reality.  
How many times do we quit before the miracle can occur?  There are no overnight sensations. Things don’t happen as quickly or in the way that we’d like, so we walk away discouraged and distraught before things even have a chance to get rolling.  We listen to the harsh inner voice that questions and challenges us with a nasty voice that says, “You’ll never make it – what were you thinking?”  

How often do we let despair take over and wash away hope? When things look and feel daunting, overwhelming, and totally out of whack, this is an easy place to succumb.  

How often do we live in the past, dwelling on regrets and “could’ve,” and “should’ve” wishes that didn’t come true?  Alternatively, how much time do we spend worrying about the future – what might be? Fretting about things that might never come to pass?  Drifting away from what is real right now takes us down roads that don’t serve us in creating what we want.  We must first stand solidly with what is true today.

How often do we hold back rather than take that stretch, follow our heart, take a risk, or dare to try something new – something we’ve never done before or even imagined we could?  If we never ask for what we need or want we don’t stand a chance of getting a “yes.”  

In order to change today’s reality and to begin to chart a different course, something has to change in mindset, action, or both.  As Einstein said, it is insanity to do the same thing over and over again expecting different results.  

Hard times come to all of us.  My “extraordinary life” is not without struggles, sadness, heartbreak, and loss.  I feel them and at times they take me down and out. But these aren’t the places I choose to stay overly long. 

There have been plenty of things along that way that could have stopped me in my tracks and there are things now that could consume me and take me off course if I let them.  None of this “extraordinariness” came to be overnight, and it certainly didn’t come without effort, commitment, decisions, and baby steps along the way that have brought me to today.
 
What would an extraordinary life look like for you?  What is extraordinary about your life right now, exactly as it is?  Sometimes just noticing things differently creates a new "reality."  Is there one small step you might want to take today that's a bit different?

One powerful practice to living an extraordinary life is gratitude – noticing the good and beautiful in your life, the things you may take for granted and forget to appreciate, and finding something to be grateful for, even on the days that really suck.  

How you see your world is a powerful influencer for what comes next.  If I were to choose to stay in the dark, wallowing in what I don’t like about my life right now, it’s not very likely that I’d go on creating the life that I want for myself for the next 50 years. 

Life experience + Choice = Life Reality  

Are the choices you’re making the ones that will create the reality you yearn for?  Choice can be action or perception - both powerful forces.
2 Comments

What Happens Outside Your Comfort Zone?

9/1/2015

1 Comment

 
Neale Donald Walsch has said, “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone,” and Laura Berman Fortgang taught me that “Discomfort equals growth.”  I believe and teach both of these concepts, AND at the same time I am very conscious that for me, things could also easily come to a screeching halt at the end of my comfort zone. 

When I’m uncomfortable, feeling out of my element, I get out of sorts really quickly and want to run and hide!  So, I could easily miss out on the opportunity that life is presenting me if I give in to that habitual pattern that is so deep inside me.

This awareness came up front and center this morning at my Nia dance class. It’s only my 4th class, and I missed last week because of vacation.  Today I felt all out of sorts – off rhythm and moving forward when the class was moving back or left when they were sliding right.  And, the more aware I become of how “off” I was, I felt myself pull back, tense up, and want to completely shut down rather than just let it be ok. 

This is supposed to be a fun class for me – a chance for exploration and expression in a new way. And what I felt today was very vulnerable and very awkward.  As I watched the teacher and other students move with a grace and ease that was beautiful and seemed effortless, I got more and more stuck in being still, tight, and wrong.  More and more stuck in my head. Surprisingly that didn’t help my grace and ease!  Go figure! 

As I walked over to get a drink between songs, for a brief moment I considered walking out almost in tears – just quitting.  My inner critic was having a field day telling me I wasn’t good enough. Asking “Why bother? You’ll never move like they do!” Declaring, “You can’t do this! What were you thinking?” “Just get out before anyone else notices how off you are or before you bump into someone.” 

No, the dance floor is not the space where I shine, but when I let myself, I can have a ball with it and my body thanks me for taking a risk to move in ways that are not natural or easy for me. When I compare myself to others, I feel more and more like a fool and imagine all eyes are on me (of course, they aren’t – no one else cares at all). 

I have a strong need to know how to do things and to get it right.  Today I couldn’t even hear because my ears were plugged and the acoustics are tough… so, I felt lost, flailing, and out of sorts. Definitely out of my comfort zone. 

The growth came in the moment when I decided to approach myself with some tenderness – to reassure and comfort myself so that I could come back to me and push myself to stay in the dance. 

Today reminded me of another significant time in my life when I was immensely challenged – three years ago I was in the Adirondacks facing fears I didn’t know I had.  Thankfully, I was with a group of wonderfully supportive people who helped me push past my mental barriers as I faced physical hurdles that I truly did not feel capable of overcoming.  As I watched others scale heights that scared me simply to look at and stretch themselves across tight ropes and balance beams, I found myself frozen halfway up the ladder toward what I had determined to be the easiest challenge. 

I wanted to come back down. I begged to come back down.  Our leader urged me to take a few steps past where I thought I could.  And, I did. Then I came down and thought I would walk away satisfied. Of course he knew better and helped me to see that I would not be satisfied if I didn’t even try. 

After quite a pep talk where I acted the petulant, resistant, stubborn child, and with the help of every person in that group, I put the harness on again and got back on the ladder. I triumphed over my mind with a determination that I would not stop climbing (for if I did, I surely would get frozen again).  I shouted out my intention to get across the wires to the wilderness and anyone within earshot. Scampered up the pole like Spider Man, and I did it! 

I honestly didn’t know if I would make it or not, but I am so grateful that I was able to face my fear of setting a goal I might not meet  – a fear so strong that it literally stopped me in my tracks.  It wasn’t my physical ability that was getting in my way. It was my mind and the stories that rapidly filled my head. 


Growth… and life’s finest opportunity… truly comes in those moments when we are paralyzed by fear or discomfort, and we do it anyway.  So, while today’s dance class wasn’t as joyful as I would have liked it to be, I took away just what I needed. I was able to witness what happens when I begin judging and comparing and finding myself falling short or feeling less than. And, I was able to keep on going. 

Where are you letting discomfort stop you and how can you move on through and see what’s waiting for you as you come out the other side? 

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    About me...

    I am a writer, coach, and teacher, and I love capturing life's many moments through writing, whether that be journalling, blogging, poetry, or essay.  I have always found the written word as a natural way for me to express what lies within.  

    This is the space where we get real.  I will write about my life experiences and things that I find my clients encounter in their daily lives.   

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Barb Klein
Inspired Possibility
585-705-8740
barb@inspiredpossibility.com