Inspired Possibility Blog

Feeling Blah...

7/13/2022

I don’t know about you, but I seem to cycle through phases of feeling energized, very on purpose, in flow, and then dropping into “What is the point of it all? Why do we do what we do? What is my purpose? Do I even have a purpose, or is this all for nothing? Who am I?”

It’s pretty unsettling and disorienting in the floundering times that hold such big, heavy questions. I think it’s pretty natural. My counselor says it’s ok, so that reassures me. There will be times of feeling blah, needing to turn inward, to shut out the world, to give more to myself than to others. It’s called nourishment, nurturing, true self care, and it’s vital to our sustainability as humans.

The world is a lot right now. Whatever might be going on personally, we each need to add multipliers to it that are weighing on us, consciously or not. The pandemic goes on, the debate about the pandemic goes on, injustice, violence, discrimination, threats to life and liberty are everywhere. Maybe the world is always a lot. I’m feeling the accumulation of it pretty heavily right now, along with the collective weight of years of personal stuff.

So, there’s been a bit of blah lately. Not a lot of energy or motivation. A strong desire to pull in, to slow down, to quiet down, to say “no” and to not be too available to others. The clarity is strong, and the good news is I’m listening despite the inner struggle that wonders if that’s really ok or if I’m at risk of becoming a hermit.

I teeter between telling myself it’s ok and wondering if that’s really true. Mostly, I’m leaning into only doing what I want, what feels doable and reasonable given my current bandwidth, letting go of, or rescheduling non-essentials, releasing things that feel like more hassle than they’re worth. As I write this it feels like a pretty healthy approach. It just seems that I need this more and more these days, years, months. Didn’t I just give myself a little sabbatical last year? I did. And this year.

And now I need one again in the form I am able to create it – I will gladly see my clients, I will co-facilitate my group, I will continue to write… and I will put off things that do not call to me or do not need to happen. I will cancel memberships to groups I don’t participate in – I feel the low-level pressure when I’m not being honest with myself.

I showed up for yoga class on Sunday and thankfully the theme was tuning into and trusting our inner guidance. Love when that happens! So, as I practiced, I took a few notes.

Here’s what I took away – what I was reminded of:

We all have inner wisdom, inner guidance, inner authority.
When we are depleted, overwhelmed, stressed, or in crisis or survival mode, we lose touch with it.
To connect with it we need to be willing to feel. This may be why we over-busy ourselves or find other ways to numb or distract ourselves. It can be uncomfortable to feel what our inner wisdom is telling us.
Escaping, distracting, and numbing take us away from our natural connection with our inner knowing. Work, alcohol, substances, food, activities, social media, our devices, and over-giving to others serve this purpose. This purpose of protecting us from the discomfort.
Integrity comes from living in alignment with our inner knowing and guidance.
Slowing down, coming into breath and body helps. Quieting down. Connecting to something larger than ourselves through prayer, meditation, or getting out in nature helps. Opening up space, breathing room allows us to hear and see more clearly.
There are going to be these moments when we feel unsure. When we feel like we are flailing, lost, and confused. Times when we release the last version of ourselves and our lives to step into what’s next. In between steps there is often a pause – a time to cocoon in order to transform. It’s not always pretty or comfortable. It’s worth going there anyway.
To fully experience the richness of this human life, we need to be willing to feel it all and to be with ourselves in these moments of not knowing, of discomfort, of questioning. When we can be with ourselves in these times, come home to our heart and soul for guidance, we allow ourselves to grow and become. It isn’t flashy or pretty until it is. Think caterpillar to goo to beautiful butterfly. We too are like this. We just need to give ourselves permission to go into the darkness, to huddle up, to rest, to integrate, to release any need to perform or prove as we become.

The vastness of the ocean, the immensity of a redwood, the expansiveness of a canyon can take us away and beyond our own smallness to help us connect with the sense that something larger is at play. In these spaces we can feel both our own insignificance and our interconnection to all things on earth. We can find our belonging within the Universe and believe somehow that even when we can’t see it, there is a reason we are here. We do matter. We can remember that we are not alone. We matter. We are needed. Our voice, our ideas, our creations… unlike any other.

Whenever you find yourself doubting that, I invite and encourage you to listen to Brandi Carlile and Alicia Keys sing “A Beautiful Noise.” Something in this song wakes me, shakes me, and reminds me to hold on even when I’m not sure where I’m going. It pulls me back to trust that the way will become clear (or at least clearer). It reminds me that I have a voice. I have unique stories to tell, perspectives to share, lessons to teach, invitations to offer, and gifts to give. So do you. Each one of us does.

How are you doing these days? Where is your inner guidance leading you? Talking with a wise woman the other day she aptly noted, “I think people are fried.” I think she’s right. If you’re feeling fried right now, how do you recharge? How do you reconnect with your inner wisdom and guidance? What works for you? Please share with us so that we can add to our own ideas. In the moments of darkness, it can be hard to see a path forward. We forget this current state will, at some point, come to an end. It will.

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Recovery is Possible

6/5/2022

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By guest blogger, Cathy Taughinbaugh, Certified Parent and Life Coach

When my daughter emerged from recovery, I felt the relief of being able to let go of the stress and fear I had been feeling. The changes she'd made in her life lifted a weight off my shoulders.

I realized that I was now looking at a person who could overcome challenges, learn from life lessons, and have the discipline to stay on track. I felt a shift and the changes in her, yet there was the whisper of fear. As time went on, I found I could put those fears away and embrace the new possibilities of life.

Good News!

While you may have heard that addiction is a hopeless condition, the good news is that most people do find their way to recovery from substance use and overcome other problems getting in the way of living a healthy life.

Recovery for many means letting go of the devastating misuse of alcohol or other drugs that have derailed their lives.

When a loved one emerges from a substance use problem, families have many options. For example, some live with parents or other family members. Others live in a recovery house or transitional living. I have seen people change their lives and thrive against all odds. Many different paths can lead to living a healthier life. We need to embrace them all and support what works for our loved ones.

According to John Kelly, PhD, "In 2016, my colleagues and I surveyed another nationally representative sample. We discovered that the national prevalence of those in recovery is approximately 9.1 percent or 22.35 million U.S. adults. Nearly one in 10 persons in the U.S. has recovered or is recovering from a substance use disorder.”

Kelly goes on to say,” The statistics are tremendously encouraging about recovery. Still, it's important to recognize that the recovery change process is complicated. The journey to remission can be bumpy, and it can take a long time."

Yet, people's lives get better after working through a substance use problem. People in recovery from addiction will tell you that. Most who do recover go on to get a job, go back to school or give back to their community by volunteering. The more years a person has in recovery, the more their life improves.

Any positive change can bring excitement, coupled with the pride around the hard work that it took your loved one to make the change.

Change can be challenging. The temptation to fall back into old ways is always there. Yet as time goes on, the change process feels more comfortable and automatic. New habits become ingrained and that helps prevent relapse.

Families Recover

We are all recovering from something, and each family member can find their unique path to leading a better life, supporting their loved one's change, or learning new approaches to life for themselves.

For instance, my recovery was about letting go of focusing all my attention on our family's issues. I needed to learn to find myself again and regain the balance in my life.

As time went on, I put things into place that helped me, such as exercise, writing, yoga, and keeping friends and family close.

The more you support yourself and your loved one in this delicate process, the better. Family members can be a source of encouragement and hope for their loved ones. That support can be unique to your family, as everyone's recovery path is different.

Whatever we are waiting for – peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance – it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart. ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

For anyone making a change, it takes time to get back to themselves. The exciting part is that your loved ones will be able to access the many possibilities for their lives as they move forward. It will be rewarding to observe your family's new direction.

And with any change comes the need for healing, compassion, and understanding.

It's crucial to stay connected to your loved one. Everyone needs a support system, especially when you are making a change in your life.

A support system will give you the mental and emotional nourishment to stay on track each day.

Everyone feels better when communication is open and positive. When people feel better, they tend to do better. Having a clear understanding of how others are doing and what you can do to help lays the foundation for change.

That includes noticing the hard work your loved one is doing to maintain their recovery, keeping your emotions in check, and taking time to listen without judgment.

Our brains start to look for the positive when we approach life, looking for possibilities rather than getting caught up in worrying about what could happen.

The shift in thinking can be contagious. The more you can support and encourage your family members, the better off your loved one will be.

Everyone will benefit if each family member can focus on themselves and how they can contribute in a helpful way.

You can stay connected to your loved one. You can be a positive influence and take care of yourself.

Finally, having a sense of gratitude for what is going well in your life also lights the flame of possibilities. Gratitude helps you notice what is going well in your life and keeps your mind on a positive track.

Recovery is possible for anyone. Know there is hope and that change is often right around the corner.

Cathy Taughinbaugh is a Certified Parent and Life Coach, and the author of The Compassion Antidote: A Path to Change for You and Your Child Struggling with Substance Use. You can find out more about Cathy’s work and book at her site: https://cathytaughinbaugh.com/

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L - Love Questions

4/14/2022

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What I am LOVING about this #AtoZChallenge is that it’s raising questions about topics I didn’t anticipate questioning… things like hope, kindness, and how we look at and feel about bodies. I love that one friend and reader told me the posts are “like a cup of espresso. They’re waking me up!” She’s been willing to read critically and dive into her own thoughts about certain words and topics. I couldn’t ask for any more than that!

So, with that, let’s dive into some questions I have played with around the idea of love for several years now. These questions change my experience of life and my way of being in it.

Is Love available, even here?
First, from Sufi teacher and business coach, Mark Silver, “Is Love available, even here?” This is a profound question to ask ourselves when we are facing desperate and painful times in our own lives or when we look at catastrophes in the world. Is Love available, even here? Can you find it, feel it, access it? Might Love be at play even when times seem the bleakest? What’s the opportunity?
I recently talked with a friend who is grieving the dying of a beloved pet. It hurts so deeply to let go of those we love so dearly. And yet, we know that death is part of life. The more we love, the more it will hurt. So how might we use our alive time to honor walking alongside someone at the end of their life?

I suggested that there was a gift in knowing that the end is near (and also gave her permission to tell me to F off because I know it doesn’t feel like a gift in this moment)… that she has time to spend with this animal, to let it know all it’s meant to her, to do some ceremony around saying goodbye, even when she doesn’t want to say goodbye. How can we weave love into our living days with those we love, whether the end is near or not?

'"Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
~ Alfred Lord Tennyson

Loving someone who struggles with substance use disorder can lead to a chaotic existence… there can be a lot of anger, blame, shame, and broken trust. Things can get ugly and painful in a deeply wounding way. Is Love available even here? Even as relationships are torn apart, words spoken that can’t be taken back, and fear rules the day. Can we remember the essence of this person, the bond that brought us together, and if it’s our child, the bond that runs deep and may be non-negotiable? Can we find enough ground within ourselves and get enough support to bring Love to the situation? Can we trust in a Divine Love surrounding us, even in the hardest moments?

What does Love look like?
Through my journey with my son’s substance use disorder, I’ve struggled to find the Love many times, getting caught up in the human messiness more often than I’d like to admit. I’ve also had to redefine what Love looks like, what love means, and what a loving mother is or does.

We have ideas growing up (or at least I did) about these things. In my case I believed a loving mother was kind, gentle, caring, nurturing, and never got angry… at anyone, but especially not at her children (anger was a “Wait til your father gets home” situation). This was not a healthy foundation for me to step into the reality of parenting, and I am grateful for the counselor who early on challenged my belief that I would never get angry with my child and gave me permission for this very natural human response.

Active addiction stirs up lots of anger along with exhaustion which is a recipe for disaster. It can be hard to find or feel the love. And, in the moments I get good support, care for myself, and have some practices to find my center, I can love my son in a different way. I’ve learned that loving my young adult son is different from loving my baby or little boy, and that I can no longer mend all of his wounds or keep him safe. I’ve learned that love shines through in clear boundaries communicated in a straightforward way, and that love also allows us not to be rigid. When love enters in there is room to determine what feels right and doable in this moment. Love doesn’t always say “yes,” but it doesn’t always have to say “no” either.

When I am the loving mother I desire to be, I walk alongside my sons. I see them for the beautiful people they are. I listen to them and allow them to guide their own journeys. I honor their uniqueness and that each of us have our own journey. I take care of myself and know that my life is most certainly affected by theirs, but it is not determined by theirs. I remember that there is love for them and also love for me, and that when I love and honor myself, I am better able to love and honor them. I no longer believe that a good mother sacrifices herself for her kids. I also love myself enough to allow for and expect imperfections along the way.

What would Love do?
Perhaps my favorite question of all, which I believe I first heard from Elizabeth Gilbert (but I can’t confirm because I often don’t remember for sure), is “What would Love (with a capital L) do?”
Oh, man! Such a great question! And, here’s why… because what Love would do is so often different than what my little pissed off, resentful, hurting human self would do. Now Love still wouldn’t sacrifice me or encourage me to save someone else, because Love knows that’s not my job. Love wouldn’t ask me to do more than is reasonable or to suffer abuse.

However, Love would reach deep and find compassion. Compassion would allow me to consider another person’s point of view. Love helps me to see the humanity and soul of another being, no matter what I see on the surface. Love helps me to show up to the world from a softer place.
When Love is our intention, our guiding light, when Love is how we want to live in the world, how does that change our words, actions, and way of being with one another?

So, I leave you to consider: Is Love available, even here? What does Love look like? And, What would Love do?

What questions do you have about Love? Please share in the comments! I'd LOVE to hear your thoughts!

A little musical inspiration for you - Love Wins

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What Being in Recovery Means to Me

9/16/2021

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Young man (my son) dressed in Senior Ball suit kissing woman (me) in front of a tree

Me and my son 10 years ago (still one of my favorite moments that captures our joy and love)

September is National Recovery Month!

Recovery is possible for people with substance use disorder and for their families! And those things are not dependent on one another.

I am a family member in long-term recovery from the effects of my son’s substance use disorder.

What that means to me is that I have found a way to recover, reclaim, and live my life, while also loving my son. It means that my happiness, peace of mind, and well-being do not depend on his. It means I have accepted that we are separate individuals each walking our own journey and I can honor our paths and our bond. I am grateful to walk alongside him and for the depth of love this journey has brought forward for us.

It means that I am committed to living life fully, to embracing my days and showing up for my life, even on days when my son has struggled...even on days when I am struggling. It means taking it one moment at a time, one step at a time. It means that I have practices that help me to practice self-care and to be mindfully present - which means that I meet myself where I am honestly - some days are better than others. I am devoted to true self care as I define it: to be true to and gentle with myself one moment at a time.

It means remembering who I am and who he is before and beyond this disease. It means moving toward who we may become as we each heal and grow.

It means I have met some of the most amazing, sensitive, creative, wise, impactful , intuitive, generous and loving people who are on their own journey of recovery. They show me what’s possible and have opened my eyes and heart to the people they are beyond substance use disorder.

It means that I am committed to using the pain, lessons, love, compassion, and growth I have experienced to support others in their recovery, both family members and individuals.

It also means that I will join with other recovery advocates to break the silence and shatter the stigma around substance use disorder and call for love and compassion toward those impacted.
#recoverymonth #recoveryispossible
#familiesrecover

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One Step at a Time!

9/15/2021

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12-step programs use “one day at a time” as a guiding principle. I’ve adapted that to “one moment at a time” for years because there are simply too many moments in a day! In meditation we are often brought back to “one breath at a time,” a reminder that this is all we have. This breath. This moment.

Last week when I was in Colorado, I went on a couple of mountain hikes that were a little (or maybe a lot) out of my comfort zone. I was brought to the present moment with a snap of reality that I could only take it “one step at a time!” This became my mantra for the trip. I couldn’t miss that this is also a great metaphor for life.

As I navigated cliffside boulder fields, gradual and steep inclines, and even endless stairs (everything is on a slope there!!), I had to remember to not look too far ahead, to not look down (or up), to not look behind me. If I did, I might freak myself out!

I got experience how my open-eyed meditation practice supports me in “real life!” If I could keep my soft-eyed meditative gaze, 2-6’ ahead of me, taking in whatever was in my visual field, I could make it through bit by bit, one mindful step at a time.

Did I have to stop and catch my breath? Heck yeah! Many, many times! Did I need to allow my heartrate to come back down to normal? Um, yes! At 6400+ feet above sea level, my heart was pounding even without the added exertion and heat! Did I worry about being a drag to my companions? I did, but I talked myself through it.

Did I feel really proud of myself for getting through stuff I wasn’t at all sure I could navigate (like those boulder fields or the drop-off steps down the side of a cliff)? I did! I don’t always give myself enough credit for how strong, able, persistent, or courageous I am. Especially when it comes to physical acts. I’m comfortable with emotional, mental, and spiritual strength and endurance. But, physical…not so much. I have a ton of stories about who I am and what I can and cannot do. Lots of the time they stop me from pushing myself to my limits.

What helped was this reality guidepost – All you can do is One Step at A Time. Isn’t that what life is, after all? Just a series of single steps woven together? When we face an obstacle we don’t think we can get through, often if we just take that first step, take our time, navigate carefully through, we find ourselves on the other side having surprised ourself at our own strength, flexibility, agility, persistence, courage.

In a very real sense, I was physically exhausted, but in a way that I’m not usually. This was not the physical exhaustion that comes as a byproduct of emotional or mental over-working. This was genuine in the body, tired to the bones, shaking in my core exhaustion – the kind that also says, “You are stronger than you imagined!” The kind that invites a solid, hard night’s sleep!

I return from this trip with a sense of exhilaration, a sense of aliveness, and an awareness that I want to push myself more often now that I know I am more able than I think! I am acutely aware that this idea that “life is for living” resonates deep within me. I need to do things that bring joy, peace, connection, and maybe a little bit of challenge!

How often in life do we find ourselves thinking ahead, planning or worrying, anticipating what is coming, what might happen, or what might be needed? Dwelling on something that’s already happened? Finding ourselves out there with all the thoughts while also trying to be present… How often do we hold those thoughts not only for ourselves, but for all the people in our world (family, friends, clients, employees, the community at large…)? I watched myself do this on the return trip home – at the airport, on the roads, looking for signs, making sure we had all the necessary documentation at the ready, planning, trying to be one step ahead. It’s exhausting! (Listen to We Can Do Hard Things podcast on Overwhelm to hear more about this “ticker tape” that often runs through a person’s head!)

It was so refreshing to spend a few days not doing all of that – just allowing the days to unfold, to see where the spirit moved us to go, to be exquisitely present on a mountaintop, taking it one step at a time. Thankfully this energy still reverberates throughout my whole being – these lessons and insights will carry me back into day-to-day life. My heart is so happy and my soul is ecstatic!

How might this experience guide you? Where can you slow it down to literally one step at a time? Stop jumping too far ahead and simply allow yourself to truly be right here, right now. This moment, this next step – that’s it! Where can you let go of over-thinking, over-planning, over-worrying (especially about things that are beyond your control)?

Can you lean into the truth that often we don’t know what lies around the next corner? Can you lean into the challenge that is before you now the way I leaned into the mountainside to avoid a potentially disastrous slip? And, where and how can you give yourself a chance for a little refresh? Is there a part of you wanting to come back to life?

Life truly is for living, my friend! And, if we take it one wise step at a time, we can carry ourselves forward into places that just might surprise us! We might discover we are stronger, braver, wiser, and more skillful than we ever dreamt.

I invite you to join me and Sandra Sabene for this year’s incredible 5-day Let Your Light Shine! Retreat that begins on September 24th! This is a great chance for you to live into this idea of one step at a time! It’s an opportunity to slow down, to see what calls you, moment by moment. It’s a chance to connect with your heart and inner guidance. It’s a chance to be nourished in so many ways – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually! It’s a chance to take yourself out into nature – to hike the woods, walk the labyrinth, sit by the fire… a chance to dance, sing, play, create, as well as a chance to deeply connect within.

What are you taking away? Please share!!

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Feeling Blah...

Recovery is Possible

L - Love Questions

What Being in Recovery Means to Me

One Step at a Time!

About me...

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