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Meditation and Mindfulness - Life-Saving Practices

11/30/2021

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Recently I was invited to present a session on the myths and truths of Mindfulness and Meditation for a program for moms of teens, The Dream Teen Summit (check it out and register with my affiliate link here!).  As I prepared, it struck me how profoundly mindfulness and the practice of meditation have supported me for many years.  

I got wondering about what these terms, which are often used interchangeably, really mean.  What they are, what they aren't, why they're important,… not just for moms of teens or teens themselves, but how they can enhance anyone's life.  

For starters, these practices have enriched my life in many, many ways.  They have also supported me through the hardest years of my life which began 12 years ago when we were first faced with my son's substance use disorder.  The years since then have been marked by deep uncertainty, intense fear, anger, grief, pain, and continual chaos.   These practices have helped me to find my center, some sense of grounding, accept the life that is here, work toward cultivating a heart that can hold it all,  and they continue to support me to be with uncertainty (which is what we are all discovering life is).  

Meditation and mindfulness both invite us into the present moment – they ask us to be with things as they are, to face this reality and ride the waves. Through the practice of meditation, our awareness increases – we gain insights, new understandings and we can detect patterns in ourselves.  Our heart opens and we begin to feel everything more.  You can't force it.  You practice and discover for yourself.  

What are Meditation and Mindfulness? 

Meditation and mindfulness are interrelated, but they are not the same thing.  

Mindfulness is a QUALITY, a way of being, and it can be practiced formally or informally.  

Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of MBSR (mindfulness-based stress reduction), defines mindfulness as “the awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally.” 

Let's break that down into its 4 components: 
1. Paying attention on purpose (choosing where you are placing your attention)
2. Being in the present moment (right here, right now!)
3. Coming from a place of non-judgment (oof!  That's a tricky one!  This asks us to witness what's here, without labeling it as "good" or "bad" which we all do all the time!)
4. Showing up with gentleness and compassion and curiosity (he didn't say that but I've found this to be key)

So, mindfulness is presence with awareness.  If we contrast that with mindlessness, it becomes a little more clear.  Think of driving somewhere and having no idea how you got there; talking with someone but you weren't really hearing what they said.  When we are mindless, our mind is somewhere else – perhaps caught up in future planning, past fretting, or worrying.  When we are mindful we are fully in the present - our mind and body are in the same room at the same time! 

Meditation, on the other hand, is a PRACTICE that has been around for thousands of years .  It is one path to mindful living. 

Meditation is the practice of taking your attention off of your thoughts (which are always commenting, judging, assessing) and placing it on something else (like a sound, a sensation, a mantra or word, or simply on the feelin of breath moving in and out of your body).  As I have learned and experienced in my Shamata Vipashyana practice, we will be distracted.  Our mind will think thoughts. Our ears will hear sounds. Our eyes will see things.  None of this is a problem.  We learn to simply return again and again (which is how this becomes a beautifully transferable skill to everyday life).  

Breaking Down Some Common Myths about Meditation and Mindfulness:
1. Meditation and mindfulness are not religious – they can work with or complement any faith or spiritual practice. 

2. Meditation is not complex or only for certain people.  It can be done by anyone anywhere and doesn’t require fancy equipment, the right music, candle, clothes, or location.  While it's nice to get away to meditate at times, this isn’t about becoming a monk in a cave on a mountaintop somewhere!

3. You do not have to stop thinking or "quiet your mind."  You work with the mind as it is, which will be different from practice to practice and day to day.  The mind exists to make thoughts just as the eyes see and the ears hear – it's not reasonable to expect that to stop just because you decided to meditate.  And, it's not a problem.  You simply notice the thoughts, let them go and return to the breath (or whatever your anchor is) and begin again!  Sweet!!  You can begin again as many times as you need to!  Each time you notice your thoughts have carried you away is a moment of awareness, of awakening.  Excellent! 

4. You do not have to think peaceful happy thoughts or be in a state of bliss – we work with what’s here and that is not always bliss! 

5. Meditation will not necessarily make you more peaceful or make you feel better.  It might, but what I have found is that it  helps you to “feel better" and that means all the feels!  A practice of peaceful abiding does not mean you will always feel peaceful, though you will find a way to be with things as they are  and have the courage to ride the waves of this life.  Deep down there is peace in that. Meditation is about acceptance and not being at war with reality.  

6. Meditation is not hard or fancy – it’s actually very simple, very ordinary, (sometimes it will even feel very boring).  Yet I have found it to be very potent in its simplicity.  Body has to be here – it is!  Have to breathe – you are.  Need to be present – you are! 

7. The purpose of meditation is not to be good at meditation – it’s to be good at life!  To be able to be and work with what is… through meditation, as my teacher, Susan Piver, said, "You actually get to be IN your life...not in your thoughts ABOUT your life!"  

Why are Meditation and Mindfulness Important?

As I have mentioned, these practices have really enriched my life - deepening my connection to inner wisdom and guidance, opening my mind to fresh ideas, perspectives, and possibilities.  They have also supported me through really hard times.  

These practices: 
  • Help you to be more mindful, more aware, more present to the reality that is here.  They support you, ground you, and nourish you as you face this reality and ride the waves.  (Pandemic, anyone?)  
  • Increase self-awareness and help you to discover the nature of your mind. 
  • Allow us to separate from our thoughts – we learn that they don’t have to carry us away with them and they're not always true.  Therefore, we may give our stories less weight. 
  • May change the way you are in the world - over time the way you think, talk, and interact with others may shift radically from your old norm. 
  • May change who you are.  I have found that they have lead me to be more compassionate, more open-hearted, more confident, more grounded.  They provide a path to claiming the power to be who you really are. 
  • Soften you toward yourself and others.  All of this is grounded in gentleness which deepens compassion, self-compassion, and  strengthens relationships. 
  • May lead you to feel more, cry more, and to feel more deeply connected to others and to all beings. 
  • Support you to actually be IN your life, not in your thoughts about life. 
  • Open you to be more responsive and less reactive.  When you can pause and respond in a mindful way, you are to choose and work toward change based on where you are right now.  You meet yourself and one another in a way that is honoring of where each of you are.  
  • Can interrupt our “spin cycles” – the thoughts that we each have constantly running, (catastrophizing, worrying).  Mindfulness and meditation can interrupt these patterns, rewire the brain, and create new neural pathways! How amazing is that!? 
  • Support us to become less judgmental and more accepting.  We adapt to the truth that “it’s just like this right now” and we remember that whatever "it" is, it’s impermanent.  We show up to life and ourselves with more curiosity, kindness, compassion

How to Integrate Meditation and Mindfulness into Daily Life: 
  • Begin by becoming aware of your thoughts and stories, and get curious.  Are they serving me?  If not, choose to pay attention to something else – be deliberate with where you are placing your attention.  Also be deliberate in what you are allowing into your mind and being.  
  • Reflect on gratitude – begin noticing what you appreciate, things and people you might otherwise take for granted.  Beginning or ending your day thinking about what you're grateful for can radically shift your experience of life.  Begin to ask yourself , "What’s going right?"  to help break free from our very natural tendency to focus on what's going wrong.  
  • PAUSE – simply allow yourself a few breaths or moments to stop before responding to a demand or request or before rushing into what's next.  Take just a little time to give yourself a little space throughout your day and notice how things shift.  
  • Sit with your breath, feeling it moving in and out, even if you only have 1 minute.  This is meditation.  Consistency is more important than duration. It's better to build a practice of one minute/day than to sit once a week for 60 minutes.  
  • Choose to begin your day intentionally - rather than reaching for your phone, take a moment to stretch, reflect on your gratitude, pray or meditate, drink some water, choose a quality to support you in your day.  It can make all the difference in how you move through the following hours and interactions.  
  • Explore different types of meditation – see what works for or resonates with you.  Give yourself permission to find what is doable in the reality of your life (What you have time for? What feels nourishing and supportive?).  Allow it to support you rather than be one more thing to do!  
  • To practice mindfulness informally, engage in everyday activities with the intention of being mindful.  This involves slowing down, paying attention, suspending judgment, and fully engaging in whatever experience is happening in the present moment. Put away devices of distraction - look around, use all of your senses to take in this moment; sit with another person and really listen to them; stare up at the stars; breathe in the fresh air.  Opportunities for mindful presence are everywhere!  

The practice of meditation (in which we forget, remember, come back, & begin again) is a practice we can bring into everyday life.  

I'd love to hear your thoughts on meditation and mindfulness!  What questions do you have?  What have been your experiences with them in your own life?  Please share in the comments below! 

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Gratitude... a Practice that has Changed My Life

11/24/2021

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Gratitude! It’s all the rage this Thanksgiving week and you will likely be flooded with messages about it.  But, here’s the thing. I have been practicing gratitude for at least 10 years now… so much so that it’s become part of who I am.  Sometimes it’s a more formal practice of reflecting and writing out or typing up what I’m grateful for.  Other times it’s simply an intentional reflection upon waking or before going to bed (try it – it can change your whole day or sleep!).  And, at other times, I just notice it throughout the day – if I’m moving slowly enough to notice, there is so much that catches my attention and fills me with appreciation.  Beautiful things, hard things I’ve faced and maybe worked through (at least a little), relationships that are easy, relationships that have been hard-won, things I could easily take for granted like the furnace running or the windows that allow in the beauty but keep the cold and critters out. 

Opportunities for gratitude are everywhere.  Sometimes I truly am grateful for the tears or for giving myself the time to hide away when I’m feeling sad, lost, confused, or afraid.  It’s not all about sunshine and rainbows.  And it’s definitely not about jumping over the hard stuff!  I do not want gratitude to be seen as a spiritual bypass – something that we go to even when we’re not feeling that way.  I don’t want anyone to squash themselves or to settle for less because they “know they should be grateful for what they have.”

Gratitude doesn’t say, “Stop longing.  Stop desiring.  Stop listening to your heart that is crying out for deeper connection or more meaning!”  It should not stop you from leaving the job that is sucking the life out of you just because you “should be grateful” that you even have a job… especially a good-paying job with benefits.  Please don’t weaponize gratitude in a way that keeps you stuck. 

Allow it to be a practice that fills you up and expands your view of life.  Let it change your experience of life as you regularly begin to notice what IS here that you do so deeply appreciate.  Let it pour out of you as you openly express to others what you appreciate about them, even when it feels awkward at first because who does that!? 

When we allow our attention to shift from its very natural, very human position of looking for what’s wrong or what could go wrong, to intentionally finding things to be grateful for, looking for what is “right” or “good,” we can literally change our brains.  We can also improve our physical and mental health.  We may find more joy, more flow, and less misery and angst. 

When I tell you that I’ve been able to find gratitude even in my darkest hours, even when I’ve been afraid my son would die, even when I’ve been awake all night with worry or anger after a particularly contentious interaction, I’m telling you the truth.  The key is I’ve also allowed myself to feel the fear, worry, anger, exhaustion.  It’s not an either-or kind of life we live.  We can feel it all.  And somehow the gratitude helps us to see the bigger picture of life beyond the narrow focus that despair and crisis can create. 

Gratitude is a life-changer - a genuine one.  Not a life hack!  I invite you to bring it into your daily life, not just on special holidays when the world tells you you should.  I encourage you to extend your gratitude beyond the obvious (though it’s a great place to begin with those people who are closest to you, who you love and adore, who lift you up)… extend your gratitude to the people who’ve done the work to ensure that you’re even reading this message – perhaps the eye doctor who prescribed your glasses, the person who installed your internet, those who design and create the technology that allows us to be connected across the miles.  Bring in gratitude for the farmers who planted the seeds and the workers who harvested the produce for the next meal you enjoy.  Give thanks for the beauty of the birds and their music that fills the air.  Find gratitude for the miracle that the sun continues to rise each day.  Soak in the miracle of fresh air and fresh water and reflect on those who stand up and do the work to ensure that we continue to have these things. 

Take a moment right now.  What are you grateful for in this moment?  Who do you want to share that with?  Who would you like to send a quick note or text of appreciation?  I invite you to join me in creating a wave of gratitude that continues beyond this week and that spreads far and wide.  Pay attention to how that changes your life and the lives of those around you. 

I am so grateful for you here in this community.  Thank you for being you, and thank you for being here!  

Here are a couple of meditations to support you in this practice: Invitation to Gratitude, Deeply Grateful, and Bathing in Gratitude  Please enjoy and fill up with these offerings.  

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Sometimes, More is More...

11/11/2021

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After last week’s share about how “Less is More,” I got thinking (as I tend to do), and considering that less is not always more.  For instance, after 3 nights of pretty rotten (and not nearly enough) sleep in the energy and noise that is New York City, having a solid night’s sleep in the peace and quiet of this neighborhood I live in reminded me just how delicious a long, uninterrupted sleep is and how much it benefits my whole being! 



The “more is more” reflection from my morning journaling:

What is it that I want more of in my life?  What do I want to cultivate more of?  More peace, more love, more sleep, more deep connection, more fun and laughter!  More ease, more presences, more space and breathing room…  more time for writing and the things that truly matter. 

More compassion and gentleness – less judgment and harshness – for myself and others.  More curiosity, less needing to be right or even to know. More wonder, more play.  More friendships that inspire and are mutually supportive.  More ease (I know I said that already – I see a theme!), less work and worry.  More time for contemplation and reflection – more deepening and listening to my own guidance and wisdom.

More time to play and prepare food that is more nourishing to my body, mind, heart, and soul.  More love – did I say that already?  More openness to possibility with less need to meet anyone else’s standards, to achieve, to prove, or even to do.  More being… here, feeling into this moment, appreciating what’s here, looking around and seeing the beauty, breathing in nature’s amazing breathtaking glory. 

More fresh air – less TV.  More quiet – less noise.  More trust, less fear, which means paying attention to whose voices and what influences I allow into my being.  More joy.  More permission – to be me, to follow my desires, to take time for the things that just plain feel good.  Just because. 

More deeply felt gratitude.  More embodying and living into the things I know intellectually – taking it beyond surface recitation and bringing it into my way of being, of living.  Filling up in ways that are truly fulfilling, nourishing, and supportive. More alone time to know what those are.  More discernment before I say yes or no. 

More heart, less head-guided movement.  More slowing down and less rushing to cram in more.  More acceptance of my physical, emotional, and very human limitations.  More acceptance in general – of the way things are, of other people and their paths and views.  But also more intolerance of the places that need it – intolerance where things desperately need to change.  More acceptance of the very imperfection of being a human.  More acceptance of what’s within my control and concern.  More allowing others to create and follow their own paths. 

More talking, less scrolling. More cards and letters, fewer texts. 

More rest, less busyness. 

More – finding more in subtle strength which leads to less need to shout or fight or prove anything.  More authentic presence and flow – less pretending and hiding. 

More having my breath taken away at the soaring of a bald eagle overhead (that’s twice this week!) More looking around so as not to miss these moments!
 
And, from after I got out into the world a little bit…
More integrity, less trying to scam people on Facebook Marketplace so that you can steal their phone number for some sort of up-to-no-goodness. (If that seems very specific, unfortunately, it is).

More pulling over and letting people pass when you can’t get up to speed and more letting people in when there’s a lane closure…

More general kindness, decency, respect, and humanity.  Less judgment and meanness. Please. 

More forgiveness and acceptance when someone’s running late.

More regular cleaning and clearing out so it’s not such a big job when I finally get around to it! 

More energy and the things that support that! More pausing, more support, and more ease.

I’m filled up just from taking the time to reflect and from making this list and feeling it permeate my soul.  Sometimes more is more, for sure.  I’m breathing that in in this space of deep quiet and expansive possibility. 

Your Invitation: 
Go ahead, play with it!  See what comes up for you when you think about “more is more.”  What do you want to cultivate more of?  And when you have more of___________, what do you have less of?  Or more of?  Please share with us in the comments what comes up for you!  I can’t wait to hear!! 

And, Your Gift:
This week, one of my very favorite people in the world and yoga teacher/yoga therapist extraordinaire, Cathy Dasson, from Moving with Presence, is offering us a beautiful Yoga Nidra Relaxation meditation.  We can certainly all benefit from more relaxation!!  Please give yourself this time. Please give yourself this gift.  Your nervous system will thank you (and so will your future self!). 
 

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Less is More

11/9/2021

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PicturePhoto Credit Renee Veniskey
Less is more... I know it's true and I feel the relief when I can actually let this idea guide me.  And yet, I'm finding that after decades of efforting (and probably over-efforting many, many times), even when I don't think I'm doing or thinking or trying too much, I am.  It really takes a lot for me to let down, to do less, to try less hard…  
 
How have I been reminded?  My body is showing me.  It's coming through in chronic holding patterns in certain muscles that clench and grip all the time, even when they don't need to.  It's coming through in tiredness from days that are booked too fully or that I simply fill with too many things and too many hours.  It's coming through in carrying an excessive number of books and notebooks with me for short trips, thinking I'll get to way more than I do (and more than I even want to).  It's reflected in mental fatigue when I think I can do too many things, accomplish too many tasks, finish too many projects in too little time!  It lives in unrealistic expectations imposed upon myself that I would NEVER hold for another human being.  
 
How might this idea that “less is more” be supportive and nourishing if it could truly be embodied and brought to life? 
  • Well, for one, it would open up more space and time on the calendar, allowing for more breathing room, less stress, and more time to pause and relax.
  • It would come through in a body that feels less tight, less over-worked, less over-stressed, more rested, more open, more expansive.
  • It would be reflected in less clutter and more open space, fewer clothes overflowing closets and drawers, fewer books taking up every inch of shelf space and beyond (which would also lead to more breathing room and spaciousness).
  • Overall there would be a sense of trying less hard - less tension and effort in yoga and Tai Chi, and even in meditation.  There would be a remembering there's no need or way to be perfect (especially with something that's new!). 
  • It would come through in a more relaxed way of being in the world… letting go of any need to impress anyone or prove anything.  Letting go of being the doer-of-all-things and the taker-carer-of-all-people.
  • There would be a sense of sweet simplicity, taking things one moment at a time - not multi-tasking, double-booking, or over-committing.  This is a great time to year to be conscious about that!
  • There would be fewer programs paid for and never completed or feeling woefully behind in - pausing and discerning before following “bright shiny objects” everywhere would keep you cued in to what is really doable and what would truly be beneficial at this time in your life, given your current reality.
  • You'd find yourself not packing things too full - programs, PowerPoints, retreats, vacations, days… life! 
  • Life would move at a sustainable pace and in a sustainable way.  You could lower the bar on yourself - lessen unreasonable expectations. 
  • You'd experience more lightness, ease, and joy, I believe!  As there is less stress, angst, anxiety and worry, there's room for more openness, acceptance, wonder, and support. 

What does it require?
  • Mindful awareness
  • Discernment
  • A willingness to resist temptation, the ability to say “no” and to be realistic
  • Pause (that pause… it's always so, so valuable)
  • Honesty, particularly with yourself
  • Gentleness and self-compassion

Of course, I offer all of this hypothetically speaking! I have only a vague idea what it really means to live from a “less is more” place, but I can certainly imagine the possibilities!  I am willing to try it out more often!  
 
Your invitation… 
Take a few minutes to consider if “less is more” is something you'd like to experiment with in your life.  Would it benefit you in any way?  How and where might you begin to play with this idea, lightly, gently, and kindly?  (no harsh taskmaster in a “less is more” world!).  
 
Is there anything you need to give yourself permission for?  A promise you want to make to yourself?  
 
Play with these prompts, if you like:
I'd like less___________and more ___________
I will create less ________  and make room for more ______________
If less is more, what's possible? 
Where would I like to begin? 
 
This week's meditation, “Less is More," invites you to apply it to your practice - trying less hard, expecting less of yourself and of your practice.  
 

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Alive in This Moment

11/1/2021

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Begin with Intention: 
I begin each day by naming my intention - the quality I want to embody or have support me throughout the day.  Frequently it's “love, ” “openness,” or “presence” and recently I am simply claiming “live.”  This day… I just want to live it - not “seize it” but be present for it. I don't need to make myself get up at 4 AM in order to have self-care time or to “get the most out of this day.”  And, I don't want to miss it, waiting for the things I'm excited about or the things I fear.  
 
I want to notice the sweet moments and not take things for granted.  So much I take for granted.  I want to put down the distractions and be present when my son calls or I'm talking with my husband.  Even in moments with myself, let go of multi-tasking so that I can be present.  To be here now - to feel what it's like to be me in this moment.  I also want to intentionally build my life around the things that matter most.  
 
I want to say “yes!” to the walk with my loved ones rather than listen to another pre-recorded program that I'm already behind in.  That can wait.  This opportunity is here now, and it truly is a once in a lifetime moment.  Each moment is.  None of us has ever been in this moment before. Your body has never felt exactly as it does right now, even though you're making familiar motions, scrolling through your device as you have a million times before.  
 
I also don't want to dwell unnecessarily on things from the past - regrets, hurts, misunderstandings, mis-steps that I could easily ruminate on endlessly. Nor do I want to be consumed by fears of what lies ahead - how things might go wrong, what awful things could happen, what I will do when my loved one dies.  Because, truly, I have no idea what I will do or when that moment will come.  I can trust I will show up to it then and remember that it is not happening now.  Our minds are so quick to drag us into the past or shoot us into the future.  It takes presence and awareness to keep coming back to this moment.  
 
All I know for sure is what's here today - this plain ordinary grey chilly day.  I am appreciating sleeping in supported by the extra darkness - the coziness of our bed, the heat that warms our home against today's chill.  There is so much I take for granted in these simple ordinary days.  I don't need to pressure myself to “savor them."  No. I simply need to experience what's right here - this fuzzy pink robe, this soft cuddly warm purple blanket - feel myself embraced in their warmth.  The next moment will come - I'm sure of that. 
 
I don't want to look for everything that's wrong - the piles of mail and books on the counter, the dust building up on the dresser, the kale wilting in the produce drawer.  It's too easy to get caught up in what I haven't done, what I should do, how I suck at housekeeping, or how my extra pandemic weight has lead me to buy a new pair of jeans in a size I've never had before.    
 
I don't want a full life (at least not an overly full one) or a busy life - I hate how we've glorified being busy!  We have a good life.  Even with an unknown future ahead of us.  We have a good life.  We live in a cozy home in a beautiful place. I don't want to miss it.  My health is good despite the daily aches and the extra bulges that I clearly don't care enough about to change.  
 
I want to do things that don't make sense simply because they bring me joy.  I want to be generous and spread love and compassion and give gifts when I can simply because I can.  I want to live in a way that is nourishing to my soul - to prioritize those things that fill me up from the inside out.  

Ordinary Days:  
Recently I shared a passage from Jeff Foster's book The Way of Rest with my Soul Care group entitled “These Are the Days” which looked at the miraculous in ordinary moments.  We ended by responding to the prompt, “If I were given just one more day, let me…”  
 
It was profoundly insightful to each of us in considering how we want to live this day - because maybe this IS the one.  Who knows?  It's here now. Therefore, it matters.  It is calling to be lived - not for me to have goals or to be productive or even to make a difference.  Simply to be embraced and lived.  And, I'm pretty sure my odds are better at making a difference, at being productive, if I show up to it with an open heart, present to myself and others.  
​

We miss out on so much in the “between” moments - the ones that don't necessary feel special.  We miss them because we are waiting for the grand ones or the awful ones.  I want to breathe in this one.  That softens and opens me…  Will you join me? How do you want to live this day?  
 
Your invitation… 
Take a few minutes to ponder, meditate on, or free write into the prompt, “If I were given just one more day, let me…”  If you choose to write, keep your hand moving across the page or keyboard for however many minutes you choose. If you get stuck, write the prompt again or “I don't know…”  until you get flowing again.  This process will allow you to get beneath the first thoughts and into deeper truths.  
 
  • What rises up for you as most important?
  • How might you apply this to the rest of your life?
  • Why do these permissions or desires only feel possible if it were your last day?
  • What changes might you make in order to be more present with your aliveness in these ordinary moments?
  • How can you structure your days around the things that matter most?
 
Resources for you
This week's guided meditation is “Alive in This Moment.” Give yourself the gift of a few minutes to sit with yourself as you are for this practice.  May it nourish and support you.  
 
Please visit my Resource Page!  Here you will find so much goodness to support you throughout your days - ordinary ones, wonderful ones, and harder ones.  

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    About me...

    I am a writer, coach, and teacher, and I love capturing life's many moments through writing, whether that be journalling, blogging, poetry, or essay.  I have always found the written word as a natural way for me to express what lies within.  

    This is the space where we get real.  I will write about my life experiences and things that I find my clients encounter in their daily lives.   

    What's real for you? What would you like me to write about?  Feel free to share with me topics you would like to see discussed and please join in the dialogue through the comment section. Your engagement makes the blog a much richer place to hang out!

    Thank you for joining me on this journey!!    

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Barb Klein
Inspired Possibility
585-705-8740
barb@inspiredpossibility.com