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Losing Yourself and Coming Home Again

3/21/2023

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PicturePhoto by Renee Veniskey - https://immaginephoto.com
You may have heard me use the phrase “coming home to yourself,” in part because it’s what clients have said they’ve felt after coaching or retreating with me.  But what does it mean and why is it so important? 
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To me it means getting solid in the core of who you are.  Knowing yourself - your likes and dislikes, your desires, and your needs - so that you can honor them.  It sounds simple, yet it seems there’s a disconnect that happens over time that takes us away from the core of who we are. 

This disconnect happens for a lot of reasons.  As children and young adults, we take in messages from others about who they think we are or who we’re supposed to be; parents, teachers, friends, coaches see something in us and push us in a certain direction.  On the flip side, there are parts of us we’re encouraged to hide away - we’re too sensitive, too talkative, too energetic, too quiet, too eccentric, etc.  We begin to show up as a mix of who we really are, who we think we’re supposed to be, while erasing parts of us that don’t feel lovable or welcome. 

As we get older, our roles as spouse or parent add to the confusion.  We’re just Nicky’s mom or Joe’s wife.  Our career defines us and may box us in with its labels.  Societal ideas tell us what’s acceptable behavior (e.g., no crying in the workplace).  Over time, parts of our true self get covered over, whittled away, or buried. 

Intense relationships or situations, like loving someone with a mental health condition, facing a scary diagnosis, or caring for a parent with dementia, may consume us and portray the entirety of who we are.  We forget or lose touch with who we are beyond this one (huge) aspect of life.  We forget the person we once were and we let go of the dreams and passions that once called to us.  Perhaps they feel irrelevant in the urgency of crisis after crisis or they feel impractical given everything else on your plate.  Understandable. 

Without the time and space to step away and gain perspective on these aspects of life, it’s easy to continue on autopilot.  In our new norm, we become defined and absorbed by this identity.  Or we’re simply sleep-walking through our days with no real sense of self at all, responding to the needs and demands of others, while ours vanish into the ethers. 

I’ve found contemplative, reflective time and space are the foundation for one’s return to self.  Time for quiet, to sit with ourselves without the interruption of other voices, time to journal or meditate.  Time to commune with trees and birds.  Time to slow down and soften into the flow of our natural rhythm.  Time to catch our breath and then breathe fully on a regular basis.  This time, this space is a rare gift.  It is the essential container for coming back into alignment with true self.  It allows us to open to the quiet loving voice within.

How retreats play in:

The richness of this kind of time and space is one of the reasons I value retreats.  I know they are so much more than simply a nice weekend getaway.  Retreats are a vital opportunity to refill, refuel, and reconnect.  They offer the chance to ask great questions while allowing the answers to come.  They provide space to try new things and new ways of being as you get to know yourself more intimately.  They create a container as well as a spaciousness for inner inquiry, exploration, and discovery so that we can feel clarity and strength grow within us.  Retreats allow us to be in community with others on a similar quest, sharing practices like yoga, meditation, contemplation, and reflection.  Almost always they also offer a chance to immerse ourselves in nature’s beauty and grounding, to be held by the trees and the land as we feel our place in the greater scheme of life along with our own smallness. 

These past few months have been filled with intensity and crisis upon crisis, both personally and on a global scale.  I’ve had to pull back from work I love as I found myself with little to no energy for anything beyond the basics.  I felt myself going into a dark cocoon to dissolve into goo before coming through the other side.  In the darkness, I felt myself disappearing, not at all sure when I would re-emerge.  I am grateful to feel the re-emergence happening now, slowly, one baby step at a time. 

I am grateful for what is being left behind in the shell of the cocoon.  I am grateful for the clarity of what no longer fits in this chapter of my life.  And I am struck to see how the work I’ve done over the years to build a strong inner core connection has held me, even when I didn’t feel it in the moment.  Feeling the foundation that’s allowed me to move through these deeply disruptive and triggering events, I see that they have moved through me as well. Sitting in the darkness, I have let myself feel everything from nothingness to fear to anger and disappointment.  I have been taken down and out temporarily, but not for good.  I am emerging, not into certainty of what will happen in my life, but with a stronger sense of certainty of who I am as a woman in the world right now. 

This period of losing myself in other people’s emergencies and urgencies and feeling the slow return has illuminated my desire to prepare and plan this July’s Come Home to Yourself Retreat.  Its significance fills me and pulls me. I am grateful to be able to invite other women into this spacious retreat as an opportunity to connect more deeply with their own hearts and souls, to hear the wisdom that springs from within in the space and stillness, when we are inclined to listen. Summer gifts us 16 hours of daylight each day!  Imagine what is possible in that vast opening!   Light on the Hill offers a stunning space to immerse in nature,  with floor to ceiling windows and skylights that all but plop us into the middle of the valley, sun streaming in, bathing us in her glow.  This season in the Finger Lakes calls us to lie in the grass, to walk through the trees, to gaze at the clouds, to stop in the middle of what can be a fun and busy season to slow down and go within.  It gives us a chance to integrate the lessons life has brought our way as we simultaneously open to what lies ahead, to what is emerging, and to who we want to be.  This retreat is a gift to me and to all who will gather and co-create it along with me and our yoga goddess, Carol Moon. 

A special offer for you: 

For you and your loved ones, for being part of this community, I am offering a special gift through March 31st - you can take an additional $50 off the early bird rate ($150 off standard rate) as my gift to you by using coupon code MARCH when you check out.  That’s $625 for 3 nights and 4 days of private room accommodations in a gorgeous setting, delicious, lovingly prepared vegetarian meals, as well as all retreat offerings (including yoga, meditation, journaling, campfires plus lots and lots of space and time to follow your heart and soul!).  I hope you will consider joining us for what will surely be a magical time.  All the details and registration are here.  

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Revival!

8/31/2022

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Revival - an improvement in the condition or strength of something. (as defined by Oxford Languages).

When I first thought about “revival,” I thought it meant “brought back to life.” I suppose that would certainly be considered an “improvement in the condition or strength of something,” wouldn’t it?  So, I am going to stick with that felt sense of the word. 

I’ve had a month of revival, and I must say I’m emerging with a fresh energy, a renewed and deepened connection with myself, and a fresh enthusiasm to engage with life and this next chapter in a beautiful way. I’m looking at my work with fresh eyes and a willingness to shake things up.

In July I got a very strong internal hit to step away, pull back from obligations and work that wasn’t filling me any longer. That hit also came with a strong desire to add in more fun, more play, more rest, more joy.  And so, I did.

I cleared my calendar of appointments that could wait til later.  I bought tickets to live music, which I have learned in recent years is a thing that fills my soul and is something my husband and I enjoy doing together.  I jumped into the Great Rhythm Revival (that “thing” I mentioned in my last newsletter) very spontaneously and a little uncertainly.  I booked a trip to Omega Institute to meet a friend I’d only known by Zoom and phone for 2 ½ years – we’d co-facilitated 2 online retreats in that time but we had never actually been in the same room together, never shared a hug or a deep sit-down face-to-face conversation!  I bought tickets to the Avett Brothers in Chautauqua and then added to a day pass so that we could listen to Scott Avett’s non-lecture about spirituality, faith, and creativity which led us to add an extra night to our stay and invite a couple of friends to join us.  I found a gorgeous simple peaceful cottage on the lake to hold us for those nights. 

I’ve been on the road A LOT!  Probably away from home more than not this past month. But, because it was fueled by joy, I feel filled up rather than depleted.  Revived, if you will! 

So, this Great Rhythm Revival… what the heck is that?  I wasn’t sure other than knowing I was jumping into some peace, love, and granola kind of happening with drumming, dancing, and fire.  I went with Sandi Sabene, my partner for this year’s retreat and a friend who I haven’t had much chance to play with and a dear friend of hers.  I could have (and would have in the past) felt like a third wheel, an outsider, especially since these two are beloved members of this community that has formed over many years.  But, I didn’t.  Why?  Because I went in with a solid sense of myself and a strong ability and desire to take care of my needs during our time together.  I let go of FOMO and gave myself permission to listen to my body, heart, and spirit – to nap on our porch rather than join a workshop, to dance rather than write, to go to bed rather than go to the fire.  To say “yes” to me rather than to other people’s expectations or desires. 

I also gave myself full permission to let loose and find the carefree, joyful me who was so hungry to come out and play!  To close my eyes and drum even though I don’t really know how.  To join the transformative dance workshops and let my body move as it wanted to move (which was way more than it has in the past year or more due to a lengthy bout of frozen shoulder).  To say “yes” to the body paint (a little the first night and all in the second) before the dance party!  To dance in the front row and not care that I’m so tall.  To sweat.  To jump into the pond and float with women I was just meeting for the first time.  To talk to strangers – to dare to believe that I might belong.  To meet new people and to buy my ticket for next year because I know this is good medicine for my soul! 

During that weekend I found or reconnected with parts of myself that had been sleeping for too long.  My nervous system settled, awakened, healed in ways it hasn’t in a very long time.  I was nourished and fueled on all levels.  The conditions and strength of my something was very much improved! 

I returned home with a solid connection to my true self. I felt grounded and strong.  I had crystal clarity, which allowed me to stand on my ground and face some BS that came my way almost immediately.  Finding ourselves and letting ourselves free is vital to our life force energy.  It’s critical to be solid in our own core in order to not be buffeted around by life and other people. 

I feel like I’m in the gooey phase of transformation/transmutation now… like the caterpillar in the cocoon, in the dark, but not in a bad way.  There’s been a strong desire and need to go within, to find quiet and stillness in order to hear the whispers of my soul, the calls for what’s next. 

I don’t know what’s next, and that’s ok.  In this space I don’t have to know.  I only have to be open.  To listen deeply to my heart and soul – to follow the inner nudges that do know.  To sit with the not knowing and allow things to unfold. To catch and follow the fresh inspiration when it comes. 

This phase is calling me to let go of things I’ve done for a long time, and trust that I will be able to create anew when the time is right.  I’m not trying to box anything in to what it used to be or what I’ve always done. I’m not trying to force or figure anything out.  Aaahhh… it feels like a breath of fresh air that I can expand into rather than a stagnant stale container cramping me in. 

On my solo drive to Omega, I listened to great podcasts (Cheryl Strayed on We Can Do Hard Things – 2 episodes – really lit my fire!).  I listened closely and paid attention to what their conversation awakened within me.  I longed to devote more time to my writing and for writing time with Cheryl.  I’m taking steps to honor this deep knowing.  Shortly after returning home, I saw that shel is offering a writing workshop in Omega!  I am returning before too long!!  Opening to one of my core gifts, to one of my principal practices and mediums, to inspiration, to a place and space that nurtures and nourishes me in a deep, deep way!  I’m excited! 

Listening to Scott Avett talk about not wanting to be boxed in or blocked out by labels, I felt a deep resonance in my core. Scott spoke of the need to be real, even in front of other people.  To let content arise from lived experience.  As I witnessed the band shake off any perception that they were simply a “folk band” with a strong rock and roll show, I smiled, imagining their intention.  “You think we’re folk?  Watch this!”  It was an amazing performance, coming from the authenticity of the band members.  Perhaps the best show I’ve ever seen from them. Why?  Because they were letting themselves out to shine and play!  They were being moved from the inside out! 

I have many reflections living within me from this month of revival. I have so much gratitude for those who flicked me awake and to myself for being there for it!  For showing up, ready and willing to be awakened, ready and willing to take a risk, ready and willing to break free, just a little bit more, letting go of some of the cares about what others think of me or expect from me in order to more fully honor myself. 

Sounds selfish, doesn’t it?  And yet, I have no doubt that all of this revival will allow me to serve the world in a better and stronger way than I have before.  I don’t know exactly what that means, but I’m ready and excited to witness and be part of the unfolding. 

Your turn…
What’s feeling old and stale to you?  Where can you shake things up a bit, in a really good way?  Where might you bring in more joy and playfulness to your days?  Where can you add in fun?  What can you cancel or reschedule that maybe doesn’t have to happen right now? What truly matters most to you right now – at this moment in your life? What parts of you have been sleeping or gone missing for too long?  What parts have not yet been discovered?  Where would you like to begin your revival? 

If you'd like a short meditation practice to support you, I've recorded Revival just for you! 


If the Great Rhythm Revival sounds good to you, check it out and join me next year!  As I was promised, you won’t be disappointed and you’ll likely love it! 

Want to give yourself a little revival much sooner than next August?  Join me and Sandi Sabene (she was the friend I went to Revival with and has facilitated drum circles and creative expression experiences for decades) at Let Your Light Shine Women’s Retreat Sept. 23-27.  She and I are lit up and so excited to be co-creating this magical 5-day experience together!  

Five spots remain.  This retreat may not happen again (at least not in its current form), so if this version is calling you, now is the time to jump in!  Don’t put it off til “next year!”  

I just don't know for sure what's coming.  I know there will be more retreats. I know there will be fresh and inspired offerings... so, stay tuned as more is revealed over the coming days and months!  This is where I am -  truly am in a space of wonder, curiosity, and possibility, discovering for myself what will be next! I'm excited!  And, you'll be the first to know! 

​And, as you can see from the rest of this post, I feel like it's always a good idea to seize the opportunities as they come rather than wait!  

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Life, Death, and Rebirth

5/10/2022

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This is the name of one of the Tai Chi moves we do in Tai Chi for Recovery, and it strikes me that this is what this season of Spring is all about.

Nature is making it abundantly clear that we are in a time of transition.  Each of these elements: life, death, and rebirth are at play.

I see life in the trees and flowers budding and springing to life, in the baby ducklings scurrying to keep up with their mother as they somersault haphazardly off the bank, frantic to not be left behind.  There is life in the call of the migrating loons on our lake – these visitors that are only here for a short while.  The longer days with more sunshine and the skies filled with birds flitting busily about feel very much alive.

As trees and plants come to life, we can also see the ones that did not make it.  The death and decayed material on the forest floor that now becomes the base of life for new growth. 

Rebirth – the perennials and bulbs that miraculously burst through the ground after so many months of hibernation, resting, doing whatever magical things they do in the soil when the snow and grey days are here.   The tiny lilacs, their buds the size of a tiny pearl, slowly becoming more vibrant, more open each day.

And I am reminded of these cycles that live within each one of us all the time.  We are always in transition, whether we know it or not.  Physically our bodies change every single day – as Wayne Dyer used to remind us, we are not the body we were at 6 months old, even though we are still the same person. 

As we learn, grow, and evolve, our thoughts change. We find new ways. We unlearn old ones that are not helpful and maybe even harmful.  We replace old, destructive habits with new healthy ones.  We slip back.  We begin again.  Life, death, rebirth. 

Bursts of inspiration and energy carry us toward possibility.  Fear and doubt stop us in our tracks.  Then we begin again, slowly gaining traction.  Life, death, rebirth. 

Dreams and ideas fall away as new ones come to light.  Roles are abandoned or redefined.  We step into a new sense of self, perhaps one that feels more aligned with who we are in this chapter of our life. 

It seems in every group I participate in, people are talking about feeling “up in the air,” uncertain of the future.  I sense a heightened awareness to the truth that we don’t know what lies ahead.  We don’t know.  Individually and collectively, we have no ability to see, with certainty, how our next move will play out down the line.  For some at some times this brings fear and anxiety.  We want to know.  Our minds love to think they’re in charge and that if we craft just the right plan, then surely, we’ll be ok.  We’ll be safe.  Now we can go ahead.  We forget that plans are destined to be changed. 

Others are more comfortable with stepping out into risks, taking a chance, making the next move that feels like the next right or best step.  We do what we can to set ourselves up for success. And, as we step into action, maybe we weigh pros and cons.  We do the research, play out scenarios, try to prepare for all that could come up.  (I certainly do that and have likely wasted a lot of time and energy in the past in this mental activity – somehow it makes me feel better.  Gives me a false sense of security).  Sometimes we simply take a leap of faith, trusting that if we don’t learn to fly, the net will appear. 

On my last retreat I spoke about the sense that my heart just keeps breaking open.  A friend asked what that looks like.  The best answer I could give is that I’m filling with compassion to the extent that I can no longer tolerate things that are not Love.  That I feel both a sense of urgency and also a call to slow down and savor.  To pause and notice the teeny tiny buds, to listen to the birds, to not miss life’s unfolding.  To really be present with a friend.  To reach out and put everything else aside so that I can just listen and hear what’s going on in her heart.  To stop telling my son what to do, but to get curious, ask, and give him space to open his heart to me.  To share our thoughts, our feelings with a sense that what we’re up to is somehow very, very sacred. 

And, also, urgency… I feel a pull to show up more and more authentically, to speak up, to speak out, to be part of the revolutionary work I am called to.  To notice that there are more causes that need attention than I can even imagine, and if I try to take them all on, I will be completely burnt out and ineffective in everything I do.  So, slowing down, asking within and getting clear on what causes I am here to serve.  Howard Thurman’s words live in my heart:

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

The energy of these words pulses through my heart and veins.  I can literally feel it calling me to life.  Letting go of ideas I’ve had about who I was or what I should be doing – allowing them to die away so that I can be reborn into this new day.  Aligning more and more with what Parker Palmer calls my “soul’s imperative…”  That call which I cannot deny. 

Can you feel this within yourself?  This letting go or dying off of old things, old ways, as you step into new life with fresh energy, new possibility, new beginnings to be born anew as this next version of you? 

When I witness people release a career that’s been bogging them down for decades and allow themselves to feel the excitement of a fresh possibility, as they allow their creative muse to take them to a dream that’s been hidden or a light that beckons, I can feel them coming to life! There is a tingling in the air when someone listens to the call of their heart or soul. When someone says “Yes!” to a dream they have no idea how to fulfill. When they simply take that first small step.  Life in the making! 


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What Does it Mean to "Fill Your Own Cup?"

2/15/2022

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We hear it all the time… “You can’t pour from an empty cup!”  And, no one disagrees.  But, the problem with these simple pithy phrases is that we all know them, recite them and hear them with a “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know…” attitude, brushing the words off as quickly as they land on our ears.  We don’t really take them to heart, and if we do, we think they’re meant for other people.  In fact, we probably offer this sage advice without stopping to take a look at what it might mean to us in our world!

This might be especially important if you:
- live in service to others
- tend to over-give your time, energy, resources, and attention away to the point that you are feeling drained and depleted. You frequently give to and do more for others than you do for yourself.
- consider yourself to be codependent
- are grieving.  Grief takes time and an enormous amount of energy and naturally saps you of your usual resources. 
- live in a situation that brings a lot of chaos and unpredictability (or you’ve had a significant amount of this throughout your years).
- don’t allow others to support you, or even let them know what you need.  Maybe asking for help feels too vulnerable or you aren’t even sure what you do need. 
- are one of the many, many workers who don’t stop for a lunch break, who don’t really check out from work, even during “off work” hours or on vacation. 
- are someone who feels guilty just considering taking time for yourself. 
- are immersing yourself in good and important causes (think opioid epidemic, climate crisis, social injustice, anti-racism, to name a few of many). 
- find yourself continually worrying and fretting about things that are out of your control or beyond your influence and you find the feeling of powerlessness only adds to your anxiety. 
- have been a human on this earth for the past couple of years…  yeah, you.  This is for you!

Filling ourselves up, regularly and repeatedly, not just a few times a year with a retreat or vacation is critical.  With the steady onslaught of anxiety-producing news and information coming at us, we need a consistent way to bolster ourselves up and resource ourselves.  Living in a pandemic has exacerbated this need!
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Living in a way that is sustainable, realistic, and enjoyable is worth aiming for.  Otherwise, we become like a sieve that is leaking energy everywhere.  

What will fill you up?    
Let’s explore this a bit.  Many people, including me, don’t have a lot of ideas.  Do you know what is fun, relaxing, nourishing, restorative, or comforting for you? 

If not, you might consider this list of Pleasant Activities (disregarding all that clinical stuff at the top – this is just for you!) and see which ones resonate with you.  There are more than 130 ideas here, so if you need a kickstart to explore some fresh ideas, give it a go!  We begin to be able to make changes when we get to know ourselves better!

When you engage in an activity or hang out with a certain person, does it leave you feeling energized or exhausted? 

When you read or listen to something, what effect does that have on you?  We have to digest everything we take in, so be sure you’re not adding to your own anxiety or exhaustion without even intending to. 

There are 2 aspects to filling up:
  1. Stop the leaking/fill the holes where you’re being drained – getting to know the places where you’re giving away more of yourself than you have to give and/or where you’re taking in stuff that sucks the life out of you (Less is More )
  2. Adding something in to fill up again – we have a vital life force energy within us, this magical elixir of life – it can be replenished so finding practices, people, activities that give us a boost will help with this aspect.  (Sometimes More is More)

Stopping the leaking and filling the holes – releasing and letting go:

What can you let go of?  Here are a few ideas to get you started:
  • quiet the outer noise (other people’s opinions, ideas, and thoughts of who you should be and what you should do.  Other people’s drama!)
  • stop ruminating on things that are not yours to fix or figure out.  Things that are out of your control
  • stop feeding worry – if you’re a world class worrier like I am, worry will find you.  You can’t control that.  What you can control is how long you spend with it and how much you do to stir it up and amplify it. 
  • let go of abandoning yourself… how often do you let your own needs, priorities, boundaries slip away in favor of what someone else needs or wants from you even if you had calendared yourself in?  What might it look like to begin to make yourself a priority?  Or to just be willing to consider making yourself a priority?   
Adding in – finding those things you want more of to fill you with vital energy – asking, receiving, creating:

What might you like to bring in to help you fill up?  Here are a few ideas to get you started:
  • throw a light novel into the mix if you tend to read heavy stuff or lots of personal growth books (not that I know anything about that!)
  • the arts! Poetry, music, dance, song, paint, write, or create and express just for the pure joy of creating and expressing!
  • nature! fresh air, sunshine, time with the pure simplicity of nature’s sounds and sights – drink in that beauty
  • pauses – allow time and space for healing, for rest, for gentle evolution
  • breath… more breath!  And movement.  Movement that is pleasurable or enjoyable to you!

I offer this reflection and inquiry with zero judgement and no shame.  I am a work in progress in many of these areas myself (I am always writing about what I am learning!).  We are all works in progress. 

So, as you get curious, be gentle, come with tenderness, compassion, and understanding. 

How might you nourish yourself, body, mind, heart, and soul?  In this week of love, how might you weave in some self-love? 

All of this boils down to deep, deep true self-care. 


Self-care is the foundation upon which a life is built. 
Without it, we will crumble from the inside out!


Your Invitation:
Take some time to reflect on any changes you might want to make in your life in order to fill your own cup.  Pause and look at the clouds as you consider what it means to you to fill your cup and why it might be worth devoting some time to.  Share your ideas and thoughts here!  There is power in giving voice to your intention and being witnessed.  And, you just might inspire someone else!! 
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For me… after writing draft one of this and before going on to editing or recording the accompanying meditation, I’m going to get outside, take a walk (because I’ve been sitting for too long), sit in the sun and listen to the birds and ocean waves while I watch the dogs play!  I hope you find something equally relaxing!!  (thought I'd share with you what I found!) 

I invite you to practice Filling Your Cup with this meditation if you'd like!  

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Out of the Darkness...Into the Light

12/21/2021

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As I revisit and revise this post, originally written for MomPower last year, I am sitting with some fresh, raw, and very deep sadness.  I am grateful to re-read this message and take it into my own heart as I sit with myself with tears streaming down my face. 

​Today marks the winter solstice here in the Northern Hemisphere.  On this darkest day of the year, the pivotal moment between dark and light, it is the perfect time to honor the darkness that has come into our lives.  It is a time to honor those who have been lost and to remember them with love.  It is a time to honor the struggle and the perseverance of those who are on a challenging journey and to honor ourselves and other loved ones who have also found a way through the darkness. 

In honoring the darkness and in grieving the losses we have endured, we bring those moments into the light.  When we bring them into the light, they are no longer hiding in the shadows, lurking in shame, or hidden in silence.  We claim and name our experience.  We see it for what it has been.  We presence it. 

When we do this, we are able to step forward into the light.  Just as the days begin to get longer with a bit more light from tomorrow on, we too can begin to bring more light into our homes and our beings. 

Addiction, cancer, mental illness (to name a few) are painful diseases, as you undoubtedly know.  They affect everyone in their wake and can take down entire families with the weight of suffering. 

However (and this is a big however), the journey from darkness to light does not have to take us out forever.  It is possible to find hope, joy, peace, love, and to create a brighter tomorrow, even when we have been impacted by a loved one's disease. 

If you are reading this, you are alive, and for that fact alone there is reason to celebrate.  You have been given the opportunity to live one more day.  What will you do with this one precious life you have been given?  How will you set your soul free to express itself?  What is uniquely yours to do?

Is there some way to honor your journey up to this very moment--the good, the bad, and the ugly, the full messiness of it all?  The painful, the joyous, the fearfulness, and the hope?  Whatever it’s looked like in the past, today marks a new day, albeit a short one.  Tomorrow offers the light of fresh possibility, as each day does.  How do you want to step into tomorrow? 

If we are able to find a way to turn our pain (or darkness) into possibility (or light), we can transform these heavy experiences into something that serve and support us and others.  We can show up for life more fully.  We can become who we were born to be. With each loss I experience I also experience a fresh resolve to live this life even more fully. 

Let’s face it, the past 2 years have carried a full load of darkness, collectively, along with anything that you might have experienced personally. 

For many the holidays are emotionally-charged times and may bring in a healthy mix of emotions… sadness, joy, celebration, loneliness. I know I will be feeling both sadness for those who are not with us during this holiday season as well as joy and gratitude for those who are. 

There is room for it all.  When we allow ourselves to feel it all, to allow our hearts to carry this messy mix of what makes us human, we are able to move through it. 

“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” ~ Brene Brown
 
So, let this pivotal day be a day that marks the honoring of both the dark and the light.  Let us take a step back and look at the big picture of our lives and recognize that our experiences have not been all good or all bad, but rather a mix of both. 

These diseases can entomb us with their heavy cloak of darkness if we let them, but we can choose to lift up the corner of that cloak and peek outside.  We can lay down the heaviness and step into the light.  We get to choose. 

We may well prefer the moments of lightness, light-heartedness, and light in general, but there is also a gift to receive during the dark and challenging times.  We must be willing to sit with this part of our reality if we are to truly enjoy the light. 

I have found that it is in the dark where I have grown the most.  I wonder if that might be true for you as well.  I offer you this poem for consideration.  

The Places We Grow
It’s in the dark,
in the shadows,
where we stretch and grow.
 
We face ourselves
and see a new or forgotten aspect,
a piece we’d rather ignore or deny.
 
But there it is…
staring us down,
daring us to change,
to find a new way,
or to simply come into acceptance.
 
Sometimes it’s about overcoming
or adjusting.
Finding a way to do this with
love, compassion,
and gentle communion.
 
Honoring the self…
who I am,
where I am,
what I need,
what my baggage is.
 
And stepping into a deeper layer,
excavating and shifting,
allowing new light in,
and new hope out.
 
These are the places we grow –
often watered
and nourished with tears.
 © Barb Klein, 2016, “The Places We Grow,” from 111 Invitations: Step into the Full Richness of Life
 
Where and how can you nourish yourself today?  How might you allow some new light in--to your being, to your life?  How can you allow a little more hope to shine into the world? 
 
Begin by greeting yourself exactly where you are--gently, with tenderness, care, and compassion.  Offer yourself the space and grace to feel into what’s alive within your heart at this moment.  Ask your heart what it needs at this moment to be truly nurtured and nourished.  Then respond accordingly.  You deserve your own loving care.
 
We are on the cusp of a new year and we can only hope that 2022 is bringing with it new possibility, hope, and fresh beginnings.  Today let’s pause.  Let’s look at our lives and our loved ones with reverence. Let’s honor this journey where we have walked, crawled, and stumbled while we look ahead to the light of new creativity.  Let’s let this darkest day of the year—December 21-- be a personal pivotal moment for us to enter an illuminated future.  



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Getting Grounded

7/20/2021

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Phew!  It's been a doozy of a week for me - lots of dips into funks, times of abandoning myself, questioning myself, doubting myself, getting down on myself…  for no particular reason that I can pinpoint, which is the worst kind of out of sorts for me!  I like to at least understand what's going on.  

I try to remember that we all have these funks and I've talked to a lot of people who seem to be riding these funk waves with me at this time, but knowing it's to be expected and I'm not alone helps only a little.  Sometimes I am better at being with the discomfort of it, and other times I really just want it to stop… to go away!  

I definitely know that the more I'm able to let things be as they are and not aggressively try to change them, the more quickly it will move on through.  

I also know that when the inner turmoil is stirring it can be really unsettling, and at times we even feel shaken up, not grounded at all.  So, the theme this week is getting grounded.
 

Getting Grounded: 

One of the quickest ways to do this is to simply feel your feet on the floor (or barefeet on the earth if you can), feel your body being held by the seat, bed, or ground, let out a few audible sighs, maybe even imagining the stress or burden sliding right off your shoulders. Notice how your body wants to move. Does your neck want some gentle circles?  Do you want to wiggle or stretch in any way?  Let yourself move until you are just a little more comfortable.  Find yourself in this moment - look around - what do you see? What do you hear?  Who else is nearby?  Are you safe here?  (If not, please find a way to get to a place where you are). 

If you're feeling super agitated, you might want to shake your hands and arms (and maybe even your feet and legs) as if you're shaking off whatever it is that's getting to you.  

Feel your breath - notice its natural rhythm and quality in this moment without trying to change anything.  With each breath invite your belly to soften.  Place your hands on your lap or on your heart or on your belly… feel your own warmth and tender touch - this is a gesture of self-compassion.  Let yourself know that you are here for you.  

Allow yourself a little time to not need to DO anything or to figure anything out, but simply to be here with yourself.  Take the time you need… Connecting with your breath and feeling your body.  Support yourself to get into your body in this moment in time.  If there is any gentle reassurance you want to offer to yourself, please do… things like, “I'm here… we've got this… I love you.  We will get through this.  Shhhh….” can be tried out.  If you find a phrase that softens your body a bit, offer that to yourself - lean into it.  Let the softness come.  

Repeat as often as needed.  I've needed it a lot lately.  After I feel a little more grounded I've found it to be helpful to take note of what's true in this moment by either writing about “In this moment…” simply allowing my pen to move across the page about whatever is here right now for a few minutes or just saying aloud or silently to myself, “OK, in this moment…”  This helps to bring a reality check to this moment, this time, and keeps me from running away with the thoughts that may be carrying me in 900 different directions at once.  Right here. Right now.  Be here now.  (Sometimes I recite this simple phrase to myself with every inhale, exhale, and pause).  

How do you get grounded? I'd love to hear - please share your ideas so that we can add to our available practices!  

I've recorded this guided meditation to support you in getting grounded.  I invite you to give yourself a few minutes and allow yourself this time to settle in to this moment.  


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Our Need for R.E.S.T...

7/13/2021

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Coming back from a couple of days away with my husband, Tom, I am reminded how vital REST is to our spirits, bodies, minds, hearts, and nervous systems.  While we were away our only goals were to rest, relax, have fun, and flow with our days. 

Yesterday I spent the day reading, writing, and relaxing by the pool – dipping in when the sun got too hot, getting in the shade when I needed a break from the sun, and talking and laughing with Tom.  We were lighthearted and delighted by the simplicity of the day.  We did not allow work or phones to interrupt our time.  We consciously chose to take this time together to enjoy life and one another.  Summer is a great and easy time to do this as it seems to lend itself to it – there’s a collective energy of play, vacation, and lightness. 

On our drive home we listened to a podcast with Broadway sensation, Lin-Manuel Miranda, a wildly creative man!  He shared that much of his inspiration for his shows came when he was in a relaxed state – floating in a pool or on vacation.  Of course, there’s much hard work involved in bringing what he creates to life, but there is also an opening for creativity that happens when he is in a state of rest. 

I have experienced this myself and witnessed it in others – it may look like we’re procrastinating or not creating because there isn’t yet anything to show the world.  But, in reality, when we slow down and give ourselves some spaciousness, our mind is free to dream, to imagine, to visualize and we are open to receive bursts of insight, inspiration, and artistry.  Percolation time is a necessary precursor (at least for some of us) for spurts of creativity. 

It struck me that we all have a deep need for rest, for so many reasons.  As a society we are often rest-deprived, placing value on busy-ness and productivity over this restorative space that can feel like nothing is happening.  What we miss is that often, something important is still going on even though there isn’t outer evidence or product to show. When we have time and space, we can access fresh perspectives for problem solving, and our imagination can dream up things that wouldn’t be possible if we forced them.  When our nervous system can relax, we are not in a state of fight or flight, but rather receptivity, wonder, and openness.  We are more likely to respond more thoughtfully than react mindlessly.

I offer you this way to look at REST:
R – Re-boot
E – Exit
S – Space
T – Time

 
Re-boot: Just as your computer or phone can get bogged down or frozen and needs to be powered down and then re-started, we too need periodic re-boots.  Without taking a break, we become overly reactive, spinning (just like that annoying circle on your computer), going nowhere.  Our nerves are frayed, we’re depleted and drained.  We need to interrupt this spinning by stepping back from the habitual pace at which we move and the typical things we mindlessly do.  We need to power down, unplug - choose to give ourselves an intentional break to refresh, rejuvenate, re-fuel, re-energize (so many great R words… I could go on forever, but I’ll spare you! You can add your own).  This allows us to start up again with renewed energy, fresh perspective, a lighter heart.
 
Exit – Like a performer, sometimes we need to “exit stage left” from the center of our lives where all the activity is happening.  Get out of the spotlight, step behind the curtain, take off the costume, mask, and makeup and just BE.  Whether you step away for 3 minutes, 3 days, or 3 weeks, an intentional exit will give you a chance to re-boot.
 
Space – We need space in our lives – physical space, space in our schedule, distance from one another and time between activities.  I was highly aware of this on our drive.  I want several car lengths between me and the car ahead of me; I want to change lanes well before I need to make a turn and in a time when it’s safe to get over. 
 
This tendency transfers to life for me.  I don’t want to be squeezed into a tight space where I have to react without thinking, to feel pushed or rushed.  In traffic or in daily life, these scenarios make me anxious.  It’s easy to fill our schedules so tightly with calls or meetings that there is no room between meetings for a bathroom or meal break or even time to do the actual work. It’s even easier to fill our schedules so that there is no time available for the mini reboots (a quick walk outdoors, a conversation with a friend, a breath of fresh air or a day off), and we begin to feel an internal pressure of constraint and overwhelm. We need breathing room in our days in order to think clearly, be inspired or creative, show up to life’s challenges at the top of our game (or at least closer to it). 
 
Time – We need time… time alone, time to move more slowly, time to breathe, time to connect and time to reflect.  This goes very closely with space, as you can see.  We need to allow ourselves more time than we think we need to get places and finish tasks!! How many of you are overly optimistic when it comes to those kinds of things?  When we give ourselves time, we create the space which allows us to exit or step aside for a moment or more in order to re-boot. 
 
How do you know when you need a REST?
 
What are your signals when it’s time for you to give yourself this critical R.E.S.T.?  How does your body let you know?  Your mind?  Your heart?  Your spirit?  Learn to listen more closely for these internal signals so that you can respond with self-compassion and kindness.  We want to be proactive in creating this time of R.E.S.T so that we don’t find ourselves “resting” with a headache, illness, or injury. 
 
Taking time to re-boot, exit, and allow space and time will have a ripple effect!  Not only do you benefit – the people in your life will thank you too!  Give it a try and please let us know your thoughts and experiences here.  How do you like to give yourself R.E.S.T.?  What happens when you don’t?  What’s your promise to yourself in terms of honoring this need in the next little while?  

In need of a R.E.S.T?  Join me on retreat...  

If you're in need of some serious rest, please consider joining me, Sandra Sabene, and Carol Moon for this year's Let Your Light Shine Retreat, September 24-28th at the deeply restorative space that is Light on the Hill Retreat Center in the gorgeous Finger Lakes of Western NY!  We have created this time to allow you lots of space and time to let down, to connect with your inner wisdom and inspiration, to renew and be deeply nourished physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually! Early bird registration closes July 31st!  

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A Vow

1/1/2020

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Often in our lives we make vows that serve to keep us safe or comfortable, but don’t really serve us in the grander scheme of things… vows like, “I’ll show them!”  “I will NEVER be like _______!” (likely someone who probably has some good qualities as well as whatever you are reacting to right now). “ I am not someone who ______!” (takes a risk that might actually bring joy or peace). “I will never love again!”  “This is just who I am.”  You get the idea…  do you have any of these? 

This morning I awoke with a strong vow brewing within me, needing to be expressed.  This is what it is  – I vow to bring something positive out of our experience with addiction into this world.  And, more importantly, I vow that addiction will NOT take my life, regardless of what it does to my son.  It does not have to break me, shatter me, or my world. 

This came to me almost as a promise to my son as I reflected on people I love, people who are my teachers – this journey will not be for nothing.  I feel a strong awareness and strength that I am still here.  I am still standing…despite many years of turbulence. I will do something positive and not let this monster destroy me, destroy us.  I am taking a stand for my life, my marriage, my work, and my larger family.  This is a stand I can take against this beast which seeks to consume and destroy my son, as well as everything in its wake. 

​I get to draw the line on where its damage stops.  It does not get to take everything from me.  Period.  That is within my control.  I do not have the disease.  It is not coursing through my veins and brain, and it does not get to define me or my life. 

This feeling is strong and vital as it surges through me – this life force energy that declares, “I will live.  I will thrive.  You cannot take me too.”  It’s not an angry reactive feeling, but rather a deeply calm, clear, and oh-so-strong knowing deep, deep, deep in my soul.  

I have purpose.  I have passion, and I will embody them and be a light in this world.  A lighthouse.  A beacon for those who are lost in stormy waters.  I do not have to go down with my son, and I most certainly will not, no matter how many times it beats at my shores, knocks me down, tears at my heart.  Again, and again I will stand – I will rise again and lift others up as we stare down this beast, and say, “NO!  Your damage stops here!” 

Well, all righty then… happy New Year!  Here I am world!  Apparently writing my manifesto for the decade… The power in this image and these words is palpable.  I am here. I am alive. I claim my life and step boldly, strongly into 2020, this year, this decade, this next day of my life. 

That’s all each of us is asked to do in any given moment – just show up.  Don’t give up.  Don’t hide out.  Show up.  The world needs what each of us has to bring and no one else has what you have to offer.  Your experiences, your vision, your words, your creativity – uniquely yours and deeply needed.  It doesn’t matter what’s already been said or done… no one else has done or ever will do what YOU have to offer.  There is only one _____________ (insert your name here), and there will never be another like you. 

We each have demons and things that threaten our well-being, peace of mind, and happiness.  What are yours and what stand do you want to take on behalf of yourself this day? 

As for me?  I vow to make this life matter.  I vow to take what I’ve learned from some of my most painful experiences and offer them as hope, strength, and inspiration.  And, I vow to enjoy my life – to live while I can, with no waiting.  I will be brave and courageous and wholehearted in my living – thank you, Brene´ Brown for that inspiration!  I am here and I choose to live! 

How about you? 
​As you step into this day, this new year, this new decade, what vow will you make as a heart promise to yourself?  Where can you be a light? Please drop me a note or share below.  I’d love to hear!  Together we help each other to see possibilities we may not have imagined before.  I stand beside you as we journey boldly into this new moment.  
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3 Reasons to Retreat

9/26/2019

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(originally posted 6/10/18)

​There was a day when I didn't know about retreats and how powerful they are and what a critical piece of my well-being they would become  I imagine there are others out there who also wonder... who haven't yet discovered the magic of retreat.  So, I'd like to share with you just a few great reasons to give yourself the gift of retreat, for however long you may take or in whatever form!  What are some of the benefits and why would anyone make the investment of time and energy to retreat for a bit? 

1. Get out of routine - there's great value in simply breaking the pattern of everyday life - of taking yourself out of your usual habits and routines.  By changing things up, we tap into wonder and curiosity about life.  We begin to open to new ideas, insights, and creativity. We open our eyes to new perspectives. We see new possibility that we hadn't considered before.  We lighten up, let go, and even have fun!!  When you break away from the daily routine, there is nothing to fix or figure out.  Your mind can truly rest.  Aaahhhh...  to me, that alone is worth the price of admission!  

2. Slow down - We live in a world where go, go, go, is the norm.  Demands are coming fast and furious and we find ourselves pulled in so many directions with no relief in sight.  Our pace is unsustainable and our to-do list never-ending.  But, we don't know how to stop sometimes.  This pace is taking a toll on our health and well-being.  When we slow down, we calm our mind and soothe the nervous system. Then we notice the beauty of nature, our own body, people in our world.  We have to step off the hamster wheel to be with these sweeter things.  

3. Quiet the outer noise -  Oh my goodness!  There is so much coming at us all the time - news, ads, social media, political banter... it's an endless onslaught of noise, opinions, and provocations.  You've noticed that, right?  Just taking a media break for a brief period of time is super healing and restorative.  Imagine room to breathe without your phone constantly pinging in your ear.  Step away and feel the sigh of relief and the sense of peace.  In this space we begin to listen to our hearts and souls and hear our own inner guidance.  

We don't need more intensity - the world brings plenty of that.  We don't need more things to do - we have more activities than we can keep up with already.  Retreat is designed to be restorative and nourishing.  

Why do you retreat? Please join the conversation in the comments and let us know!  Together we grow and learn!  


Does retreat sound good to you? If you like this sound of this and would love to join a circle of like-minded women who are ready for a little of this retreat sweetness, join us for an upcoming retreat!  

At my retreats, everything is an invitation.  You are free to rest as needed. Explore the land as you commune with nature or give your body some movement among the trees and hills if that's your thing.  Lean into time with yourself.  And, rest into a world of no expectation. 

I hold our retreat space as safe and sacred - in this space you need only show up for yourself.  You are free to participate in the way that's comfortable for you and you are free to share and listen knowing that this is a zone where there is no advising, no figuring out what anyone else "should" do, and no worry that anyone is going to tell you what you should do.  This is a place and space to deepen your connection with yourself and to learn to honor yourself more deeply than ever before.  

Questions?  Let me know!  Know someone who would love this?  Please share this with them!  And, if you're ready to jump on board, you can register here! 

"A women's retreat springs from and is about stepping out of your ordinary existence to listen and attune to your truest, most authentic self...  It is setting apart time to tend the hearth of your inner life, feed your muse, reclaim your dreams."  ~ Jennifer Louden, The Women's Retreat Book

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3 Reasons to Retreat

6/10/2018

1 Comment

 
Picture
​There was a day when I didn't know about retreats and how powerful they are and what a critical piece of my well-being they would become  I imagine there are others out there who also wonder... who haven't yet discovered the magic of retreat.  So, I'd like to share with you just a few great reasons to give yourself the gift of retreat, for however long you may take or in whatever form!  What are some of the benefits and why would anyone make the investment of time and energy to retreat for a bit? 

1. Get out of routine - there's great value in simply breaking the pattern of everyday life - of taking yourself out of your usual habits and routines.  By changing things up, we tap into wonder and curiosity about life.  We begin to open to new ideas, insights, and creativity. We open our eyes to new perspectives. We see new possibility that we hadn't considered before.  We lighten up, let go, and even have fun!!  When you break away from the daily routine, there is nothing to fix or figure out.  Your mind can truly rest.  Aaahhhh...  to me, that alone is worth the price of admission!  

2. Slow down - We live in a world where go, go, go, is the norm.  Demands are coming fast and furious and we find ourselves pulled in so many directions with no relief in sight.  Our pace is unsustainable and our to-do list never-ending.  But, we don't know how to stop sometimes.  This pace is taking a toll on our health and well-being.  When we slow down, we calm our mind and soothe the nervous system. Then we notice the beauty of nature, our own body, people in our world.  We have to step off the hamster wheel to be with these sweeter things.  

3. Quiet the outer noise -  Oh my goodness!  There is so much coming at us all the time - news, ads, social media, political banter... it's an endless onslaught of noise, opinions, and provocations.  You've noticed that, right?  Just taking a media break for a brief period of time is super healing and restorative.  Imagine room to breathe without your phone constantly pinging in your ear.  Step away and feel the sigh of relief and the sense of peace.  In this space we begin to listen to our hearts and souls and hear our own inner guidance.  

We don't need more intensity - the world brings plenty of that.  We don't need more things to do - we have more activities than we can keep up with already.  Retreat is designed to be restorative and nourishing.  

Why do you retreat? Please join the conversation in the comments and let us know!  Together we grow and learn!  


Does retreat sound good to you? If you like this sound of this and would love to join a circle of like-minded women who are ready for a little of this retreat sweetness, join us in the beautiful Poconos at the Himalayan Institute for Coming Home to Yourself: A Women's Renewal Retreat August 10-12. 

At my retreats, everything is an invitation.  You are free to rest as needed. Explore the 400 gorgeous acres as you commune with nature or give your body some movement among the trees and hills if that's your thing.  Gather in our circle around the campfire. Check out a yoga class or meditation session.  And, rest into a world of no expectation. 

I hold our retreat space as safe and sacred - in this space you need only show up for yourself.  You are free to participate in the way that's comfortable for you and you are free to share and listen knowing that this is a zone where these is no advising, no figuring out what anyone else "should" do, and no worry that anyone is going to tell you what you should do.  This is a place and space to deepen your connection with yourself and to learn to honor yourself more deeply than ever before.  

Questions?  Let me know!  Know someone who would love this?  Please share this with them!  And, if you're ready to jump onboard, you can register here! 

"A women's retreat springs from and is about stepping out of your ordinary existence to listen and attune to your truest, most authentic self...  It is setting apart time to tend the hearth of your inner life, feed your muse, reclaim your dreams."  ~ Jennifer Louden, The Women's Retreat Book

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    About me...

    I am a writer, coach, and teacher, and I love capturing life's many moments through writing, whether that be journalling, blogging, poetry, or essay.  I have always found the written word as a natural way for me to express what lies within.  

    This is the space where we get real.  I will write about my life experiences and things that I find my clients encounter in their daily lives.   

    What's real for you? What would you like me to write about?  Feel free to share with me topics you would like to see discussed and please join in the dialogue through the comment section. Your engagement makes the blog a much richer place to hang out!

    Thank you for joining me on this journey!!    

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Barb Klein
Inspired Possibility
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barb@inspiredpossibility.com