Inspired Possibility Blog

Grappling with Life's Questions

11/8/2022

Do I matter? Does my life matter? What’s my purpose? Am I doing enough? What IS enough? Whether we say them out loud or not, many of us (myself definitely included) grapple with these questions from time to time or on a regular basis.

Even though for many years I’ve held the mantra “No striving, driving, or pushing” and I truly feel the relief and freedom in claiming that, inside I still secretly berate myself for not being ambitious enough. When I meet people who are DOING so many great things - big things that are changing the world, I unwittingly compare myself and come up short. Even when I'm choosing to not do too much! Even when I'm happy with life as it is and not looking to grow or do more...

I am reminded of my friend, Steve Aman’s question to me on the last day of Leadershape - a grueling few days in the Adirondacks challenging ourselves physically, mentally, and emotionally in an arena that was not my strength. There had been things I had opted out of (and then reluctantly and with a ton of support tried again). There had been things that terrified me, things that amused me, things I was willing enough to try and others that were an absolute “Oh, hell no!”

I was not going to scale a telephone pole, somehow find a way to stand on top of it and throw myself into space toward some acrobat bar. I was not going to blindfold myself and walk forward (or backward as some did) on the high beam or across the broken swing bridge. I did get myself to the wire and across it. I did pair up with Michael and do the “Wild Woozy,” leaning into each other’s hands as we traversed wires that slowly drifted further and further apart so that the only thing holding us up was our weight leaning into each other’s hands. And I DID rappel off the 80’ cliff (or 800’ - I honestly don’t remember! I only knew it was a BIG number that terrified me), even after watching some pretty skillful people get caught upside down for a bit.

So, on this last day there - a day designed for “play,” my dear friend Steve asked me, “Do you have anything left to prove?” The answer was clear. No, I did not… “Then go have fun,” he grinned and sent me on my way. I could watch others perform their feats and cheer them on, but I had done enough. I’d do the swing and scream my primal scream ‘cause that looked kind of fun… but, other than that, I was good.

So, in life. How do we know when we’ve done enough? How do we reach a point of nothing more to prove? Is it measured by a certain income or amount in our bank account or retirement fund? Does it come from winning a certain award or working your way up to a particular title? Is it the number of hours you work or the number of people you’ve served or the number of likes or views on your Instagram post? Giving a TEDx talk? Does it come after we’ve finally done or created “the thing?” We’ve written the book, created the program, given the talk, taught at THE place in THE room or on THE stage we’ve been aiming for… is that enough?

It doesn’t seem it. More often than not, people seem to turn around and start striving again for the next thing. Sometimes they barely even acknowledge that accomplishment (no matter how huge) before shooting for the next.

I’d like to share a little reflection I wrote about “Enough,” rising out of a beautiful conversation with my friend, Sharon Rosen, who told me of a beautiful Hebrew word, dayenu. As Sharon explained it to me, dayenu means “it would have been enough.” What a concept. Something to rest into. The way I want to live - so that when I die, I truly can feel “it was enough.”

Enough
by Barb Klein

If I only did well with my own family, it would be enough.
If I only wrote this book for me, it would be enough.
If I’d only ever done what I’ve already done, it would have been enough.
If I could remember and believe this, I would believe I have nothing left to prove. Nothing at all…
I am enough. Exactly as I am. What I’ve done - is enough.

Can I lean into my own enoughness? Can I embrace it and simply live the rest of my life for me, tending to me? Trusting that that will allow me to show up for others as a way that feels good, fills me, isn’t like the way anyone else is doing it?

Can I let go of ideas of how things should go and allow them to unfold?
Can I allow myself to be supported?
Can I be willing to ask for opportunities and for help to find these opportunities?
Focus on my own healing, growth, creativity, and let it lead where it may (or not).

It is enough.
It will have been enough.
I feel the deep contentment in that.

It’s time to heal - to release all the grief I carry - to breathe in the pines. To listen to the wind - to feel the breeze.
It’s enough.

Let go the rushing.
Let go the frenzy.

Let them have their fun - their antics - their way.
You have yours and it is not theirs, most certainly.
You, my beloved, are enough, just as you are.

If I never lost another pound,
built another muscle,
or walked another mile,
It would be enough.

Nothing to push for, strive for, or drive for!
Those days are behind me.
There’s no goal I can achieve
that will make me any more me.

And that’s all I long to be -
Fully, wholeheartedly me!

We are such fascinating creatures with our stories of “I’m not enough! I’m too much! I have to do more! I have to keep going, doing, achieving, proving…” Is any of it true? Worth checking in on! We are each whole, complete, and completely worthy just by being. Our worth is not determined by anything outside of ourselves. And we are the only ones who can decide for ourselves how much we want to do, how much we need to create, how much we need to serve, and what is enough.

I invite you to check out Jen Louden’s wisdom on the Conditions of Enoughness and see how you might apply this in your own life. YOU get to decide. You get to define what is enough for you, based on your very real life. You get to choose to lighten up a bit on yourself. And to keep practicing, over and over, because this too, is a practice. I’m working on it.

Where can you lower the bar for yourself rather than continually raising it, raising it, raising it? What can you rest into as “exactly enough?” What are you striving for that you can relax about, let go of? We are so hard on ourselves and so easily judgmental of what we have or haven’t done.

Just for today… be gentle with yourself. Just for today… let it be enough. Whatever “it” is.

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Enchantment

11/1/2022

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Autumn Trees

Last time I wrote on September 7th, it was from a place of stillness…that magical place of contemplation and inner reflection. It was right before I went into the studio to record 111 Invitations audio book! I am thrilled to let you know that it is now finished and became available on Audible on October 19th (the anniversary of my Mama's passing)!! It feels really good to bring to completion a project I've dreamt of for about 6 years! Sometimes these things take time. How cool that this post is going up on 11-1!?

Sometimes it's a matter of finding the right people or allowing enchantment and magic to do their thing… in this case, I had no idea who could help me, how much something like this would cost, if I even had the rights to do it, etc… then all of a sudden, I connected with just the right person (Jennifer Collins - more about her later) who connected me with another “just right” person - Linda Mazur (also more about her in a bit - the 3 of us, plus Linda's husband, Jack, are cooking up some special goodness in November which we hope you'll join us for! Keep scrolling for all the details!).

Both of them connected me with Scott Fitzgerald of RocVox Recording (who I already sort of knew about because he records another friend's podcast…) and things came together super easily and super quickly! The studio location? Um, the very same office space where I held my very first Discovering A New Life Direction workshop many moons ago! I love those times of synchronicity, flow, ease, allowing things to unfold and come together with just the right amount of effort but very little force!

There’s a little touch of enchantment in that! “Enchantment…” a word that has awakened and enlivened me since Liz Gilbert offered an opportunity to know our enchantment in a virtual retreat. She shared that enchantment is the part of you that likes things… it’s where you get that warm, yummy feeling inside. Things like warm cinnamon vanilla pudding or a double rainbow or a baby’s giggle are laced with enchantment. Enchantment lives in each of us…

In a time of so much disenchantment it’s more important than ever that we find ways to connect with this vibrant energy. That we ask it to tell us what it likes, what it hates, who it wants to be around and what it hopes we never do again. Liz invited us each to write a letter to ourselves from our enchantment using the prompt “Dear _______, I am your enchantment and this is what I want to tell you.”

In 5 minutes, I had a letter that let me know so many truths about what I’m longing for, what I need more of in my life, what I need to let go of. For those who know me, you know I am captivated by sunsets on a daily basis… doesn’t matter that they happen ever day. They take my breath away. Same with full moons, golden leaves, puppy dogs, and hot fresh-baked cinnamon fried cakes! My enchantment loves to dance and sit by the fire. She loves being with people I love and making time for deep connections and playful ones too. She hates when I overwhelm my schedule with too many things or when I compare myself to others.

As other people in the group shared their letters, we heard common themes and saw that enchantment doesn’t cost millions of dollars or require a lot of time. It only requires that we stop to notice… it often lies in simple things like nature or other people. It exudes beauty. It’s readily accessible. It awakens our spirit and carries hope. It lives in fun and play.

Since that day in mid-September, I have added a bit of communing with enchantment each day in my morning journaling. I ask it what it’s got for me today. I notice my interactions with it are more playful than even my gratitude or when I was asking Love what it would have me know. With enchantment it’s more of a light-hearted banter. She reminds me to lighten up and not take things too seriously, while also encouraging me not to miss the most precious moments. I’ve turned to her on hard, sad days to see how she might accompany me even then. She reminds me what matters most and to not be too hard on myself.

She often reminds me, “Have fun! Don’t take it or yourself too seriously! Play with it! Have fun with it! Let me dance through it… let inspiration come…” On particularly hard days she holds me with “Be brave. Stand up for you. Don’t back down or hurt yourself to make someone else happy. Not for one minute. Don’t do it! Do not abandon yourself! Let yourself breathe and live and be who you are. Claim your life. Claim your joy. Love yourself.” Another time she offered, “Thank you for finding me again. I want to play with you. Bring me into everything - let me be a guiding light. It's so much more fun that way! Let me lighten up the dark and heavy times and add sparkle and juice to the fun ones!” She’s pretty wise, very loving, and has a great sense of humor!

My invitation to you:
Give it a try! I invite you to take 5 minutes and write yourself a letter from your enchantment. Start with Dear____ and see what enchantment would call you (it might be a playful nickname!), I am your enchantment and I want to tell you… See what it likes, what it hates, who it wants to be around and with whom it doesn’t feel it can come out at all.

Let this energy enliven your days and ways. I could feel it coursing through my veins for about a month til I lost touch with it a little in the daily grind. I’m re-connecting now and am very grateful to do so! I invite you to let enchantment light up your days.

Meditation
Our meditation this week, Autumnal Walk Guided Meditation, is led by guest meditator, Laura Gavigan, Founder of Mindful Matters in Rochester, NY. It is the perfect accompaniment for theme. Laura guides us on a sensory-rich autumn walk. I hope you enjoy it and that it brings you the peace and calm it brought to me.

My SoundCloud library has a wide variety of meditations - check it out and see which ones call to you.

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In the Stillness

9/7/2022

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Waking one morning recently, a beautiful stillness enveloped me. The space embodied something between fully asleep and fully awake. No one moved. No thoughts stirred. No voices or traffic interrupted this bliss. A soft rain fell, amplifying the silence.

Such a beautiful way to enter the day – blissful, almost mystical. Beyond words. Before moving with intention to alleviate the ache in my hip, allowing myself to savor the relative silence. The silence within comforting and soothing my whole being. Feeling open…expansive… receptive. Ready to receive the unfolding of the day. Appreciative of this time before the happenings of the day, the week rush in on me.

Stillness – a solitary momentary sanctuary for the whole being – space for the soul to rest and abide. In this place there is nothing to figure out. Nothing to do. Only to BE. Deep peace, deep contentment wash over me as I feel alive, but gentle. Not activated.

Strong satisfaction here – I can take in and appreciate the beauty of our home, the sweetness of the space we have created. The serenity of this space. I breathe it in. I love this space. It reflects me. It holds and supports us well. I am content here. My soul is happy here. My creativity thrives here.

Today I simply receive this gift. And know that it is enough.

In the Stillness

In the stillness
the answers come,
truths are unearthed,
promises remembered.

In the stillness
prayers are answered,
hearts are restored,
dreams fostered,
visions captured.

In the stillness
the oneness becomes clear,
connection to self deepens,
universal threads intertwine.

In the stillness
the magic lies
waiting for you to visit
and reside here,
for however many moments.

© Barb Klein, 2016, from 111 Invitations: Step into the Full Richness of Life

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Boundaries... Tough, and So Critical!

6/16/2022

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Recently I’ve become really aware of my accumulated depletion from years of hyper-vigilance, and over-giving. Certainly, this has been me for the few decades, since the time I was pregnant with my oldest son.

Most likely it’s been me my whole life. Even as a pretty young child, there was care-giving I had to do. Always on alert, always doing what I could, working hard to make sure my people are safe, the household runs decently enough, friends are ok, clients well-cared for… carrying a lot of people and their needs in my head and heart. No doubt the stresses of our time is also weighing heavily on me.

It’s like the fish in water who doesn’t know they’re swimming in water – I didn’t know or couldn’t see what I’ve been swimming in. I have so many wonderful grounding practices, that mostly I do pretty well. I thought I was ok. And, overall, I really AM OK! I share all of this only to lay the background, not for anyone to worry about me – really.

At the same time, it’s catching up with me, so I’m finding I need more space, more time, more quiet, more slowing down, more breathing room in order to return my nervous system to calm. It’s not as calm as I’ve thought it was as often as I’ve thought it was. And, so, enter the need for boundaries. Boundaries do not come easily or naturally to me, but I’ve learned how vital they are to one’s well-being.

Enter boundaries

Enter the need for boundaries. Boundaries do not come easily or naturally to me, but I’ve learned how vital they are to one’s well-being. I resonate with Brené Brown’s definition of boundaries as “what’s ok and what’s not ok.” When we can be clear about this and communicate it to others, we actually strengthen relationship and clarify roles.

Boundaries allow me to stay connected. They help me to preserve my energy and well-being. Without boundaries, I might need to pull away completely, shut down all together, and go into isolation, making connection impossible.

Boundaries bring me into integrity with what is true for me and allow me to honor what I really have to give. Without boundaries, I can easily over-give, over-extend, and burn myself out… That serves no one. Without boundaries I show up, but I am later exhausted or resentful… That gets in the way of relationship.

Boundaries allow you to trust me. You can count on me to say “yes” when I am available and “no” when I am not. You no longer have to worry or wonder about taking care of me. You can trust that I am taking care of myself. Please know that even if I say “no” or “not now,” I still care. I care enough to not give to you when I am not able to.I hope you understand, and I don’t need you to understand.

This isn’t about you. It’s about integrity, truth, and honoring. When I hold a boundary, I honor both you and me… even if it doesn’t feel that way in the moment.

Of course I want people to like me (don't we all?), but I am no longer willing to let that override my love for myself. For too many years I put others first and abandoned myself on a regular basis. This is not sustainable, healthy, or good for either one of us.

With boundaries, we can develop a strong and healthy relationship. I trust you to have other resources and to find your way even when I am not available. I believe in you which is why I don’t have to turn my world upside down to save you. I honor your wisdom, power, and ability to tap into whatever you need to get you through this moment. I know your well-being does not depend on me.

Please understand, I also know how hard it is when someone isn’t available for me when I really feel a need for connection and support. This makes it hard for me to say no when I feel that need coming from you.

And at the same time, I love, respect, and honor those who are able to say no to me even when I say “I could really use a friend…“ This happened once with one of my oldest and dearest friends. It stung in the moment. It was also painful for her, but she felt the truth of having nothing to give. And, it taught me an invaluable lesson and modeled for me what’s possible.

Somehow, she knew that I would be OK even though I felt like I was falling apart in that moment. She knew that even if I didn’t find anyone else to talk to, I was able to be with myself and make it through the deeply painful and awful time.

Here I am…so, clearly, I did. I will never forget that moment. Not because of the pain I felt or because I was angry with my friend, but because she taught me that it is OK to be honest with yourself and with other people, even people you love deeply. It is ok to say, “I don’t have it in me to give you what you need. I don’t have the bandwidth.” Or, simply “No. I’m not available.”

And so, when I am not available, I trust you. I remember that I am not God or 911 and so I can’t expect myself to be the one to save you.

Will I be there when I can? Absolutely! Will I give of myself generously when I’m filled up? Without a doubt. It’s who I am. And yet, in this moment my own health and vitality depends on me saying yes to me. Not splitting myself in two trying to honor me and others. I must begin here, with this vessel, this heart, this being that needs my devotion and care.

Boundaries are an Act of Radical Self-Care

Boundaries are an act of radical self-care. They take courage and awareness to set. They require us to be quiet enough to hear the inner wisdom that guides us.

Boundaries can feel awkward, clumsy, and imperfect as we begin to express them to others. We may worry how they are received until we learn to let go of that worry and begin to trust instead. If a relationship is based on over-giving, is this a relationship worth continuing? The relationships I want are with people who will understand and respect my right to take care of myself.

I’ve got a long and complicated relationship with boundaries. In the past I didn’t know what they were and had a hard time setting them or knowing what they should be.

Boundaries are particularly important when you are in a care-giving role, personally or professionally. If you’re someone people look to and lean into, they will naturally want your support, advice, wisdom, calm, or listening. We owe it to ourselves (and to them) to be honest about our availability and our limits.

Boundaries are about Respect – for Me and for You

Without respect for yourself, it’s nearly impossible to have or honor boundaries. They help me to trust myself and to know that I have my own back. To know that I will listen when I feel a reaction in my body that tells me yes or no, now, later, or, in fact, never.

Boundaries let you and I know what I can do and what I can’t do. More accurately, what I am willing to do and what I am not willing to do. I have proven over the decades that I am more than capable of pushing through and doing more than is reasonable.

After 58 years on this planet, I am no longer willing to live that way. I love and care about so many people. I am pulled in so many directions. I have so much and so many people and things weighing on my mind at any given moment. I take these things on without even being asked. It’s up to me to free myself.

It’s up to me to respect and love myself enough to take the risk to take a stand. It’s up to me to draw a line in the sand and then to dance with that line moment to moment. It’s up to me to learn how to ask the wise questions of myself, to give myself a pause, in order to hear my inner guidance and wisdom. It’s up to me to take care of myself and not expect you to be able to read my mind.

Boundaries are about Compassion

If we are friends or family, I need to trust you and to trust our relationship - to know we will find our way through even when I say no or not now or I won’t. Boundaries empower everyone. They liberate us. They do not have to be harsh. In fact, honest boundaries allow for compassionate, honest conversation and communication.

In this short (and very worth your time to watch) video about boundaries, Brené Brown shares her shock at learning that the most compassionate people she interviewed were also the most boundaried!

Boundaries allow me to honor my heart, soul, and energy. Boundaries are about respect, trust, and integrity. They do not come easily or naturally, and I may forever be on a quest to learn how to do them better. I’m willing to learn because so much depends upon it.

Because I know that my energy, time, and resources are limited, as are my days, I want to love open-heartedly and live as beautifully as possible. With that in mind, boundaries are going to be critical or it’s going to get ugly.

Your Turn

What’s your experience with boundaries?
When and why do you need them?
Are you comfortable setting them?
How does it feel when someone holds one with you?
Have you found a kind and compassionate way to communicate them?
Do they feel important to you?
Are you able and willing to flex with them as circumstances change?

Please share with us! We can learn so much from your insights and experiences!

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Love, What Would You Have Me Know This Day?

5/24/2022

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Heart in the Sky - Image by Vlad Ymyr from Pixabay

Thank you, Liz Gilbert, for this beautiful question (you can hear Liz talk about it on her recent podcast conversation with Glennon Doyle here).

I’ve added this question at the end of my journaling each morning. I write the question and I listen and write down the response I receive, simply allowing the words to flow through my pen. I LOVE this question because it gets me out of my head and into the energy of Love itself. An energy that we need to connect with more than ever. An energy that is being shouted over by voices of fear, hatred, and division. An energy that lives within each one of us, but may come through as more subtle or quiet.

Although Love also comes through fiercely at times – in the voice of a Mama Bear defending her child. Or a leader in social justice who just can’t take the hatred and division one more minute. In my own voice as I try to break through the prevailing messages about addiction and recovery.

As I’ve written this question for the past week, some themes have emerged in the responses that come through.

I am loved. Every message includes an explicit “I love you.”
I am not alone. Love says, “I am right here,” and “You do not have to figure all of this out!”
We’ve got this (whatever “this” is).
Breathe – lots and lots of messages to slow down and breathe.
Reassurance that I am held and encouragement to show up and live.

A couple of my favorite messages (though, really, I love them all!):

Day One - A message of surrender:

“Surrender…for all of it. Your health. Big life decisions. Your sons’ lives. The work you do with people. Surrender. Get out of the way. Let me in – let me work through you. Show up where you are called and as you feel called. Trust that you will be led. Surrender – save yourself the energy for where it is needed. Act when you get the nudges. Do your part, of course. But you don’t need to do my part or all the parts. You can trust the people to show up for their own lives. You, my dear, are not the benevolent knower of all things. You, my love, do not have anyone else’s answers. You’re off the hook. I love you. Rest easy.”

Day Two - A message of trust and leaning in in uncertain times. I needed to hear this. As I wrote last week in “No Pressure. Presence”, every time is an uncertain time. It feels extra uncertain these days with so much chaos, division, and devastation in the world:

“I’m right here. You are wrapped in so much love, even in the unknown time. Lean into me. Lean into your family of people who love you so very much. Let yourself be held and supported. And LIVE. Live with the urgency that comes from this day, from appreciating the life that’s right here, right now even when you don’t know what’s next. And, regardless of what’s next, believe in your body’s ability to heal – remember that. Trust it. Allow it. You get to write your story of this adventure. And, right now that means to just take life one day, one moment, at a time. None of us knows how long we have so don’t miss what’s right here… Live. Love. Honor and care for yourself, and don’t miss the beauty that is available even in the hard and scary times. You never know what’s possible. I love you.”

By taking the time for these short communications with Love, I am able to tap into a different energy from what I might find out there in the outside world. I am able to listen to the language of my heart and soul. I am reminded of things I already know deep down inside. My mind quiets a bit. My nervous system relaxes a bit. At least for a moment.

These moments build on one another and I expand my capacity to bring love out into the world. It softens me. It opens my heart. It emboldens me to speak out where in the past I might have stayed silent – to speak up where people are being harmed. To stand up for what I believe in. To strengthen and build relationships. I feel filled with courage and compassion.

Your Invitation:
I’d love for you to give it a try. Take a moment and ask, “Love, what would you have me know this day?” Ask it whenever you like - as a daily practice or when you're facing a challenge. When you're struggling or unsure. Ask. Listen. See what comes through.

Here's a meditation to support you. Love, What Would You Have Me Know This Day?

Share if you like – I do believe these messages are Universal ones meant to be heard by many.

How does it feel to take this time to connect with and listen to Love? How might this inquiry benefit you?

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Life, Death, and Rebirth

5/10/2022

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This is the name of one of the Tai Chi moves we do in Tai Chi for Recovery, and it strikes me that this is what this season of Spring is all about.

Nature is making it abundantly clear that we are in a time of transition. Each of these elements: life, death, and rebirth are at play.

I see life in the trees and flowers budding and springing to life, in the baby ducklings scurrying to keep up with their mother as they somersault haphazardly off the bank, frantic to not be left behind. There is life in the call of the migrating loons on our lake – these visitors that are only here for a short while. The longer days with more sunshine and the skies filled with birds flitting busily about feel very much alive.

As trees and plants come to life, we can also see the ones that did not make it. The death and decayed material on the forest floor that now becomes the base of life for new growth.

Rebirth – the perennials and bulbs that miraculously burst through the ground after so many months of hibernation, resting, doing whatever magical things they do in the soil when the snow and grey days are here. The tiny lilacs, their buds the size of a tiny pearl, slowly becoming more vibrant, more open each day.

And I am reminded of these cycles that live within each one of us all the time. We are always in transition, whether we know it or not. Physically our bodies change every single day – as Wayne Dyer used to remind us, we are not the body we were at 6 months old, even though we are still the same person.

As we learn, grow, and evolve, our thoughts change. We find new ways. We unlearn old ones that are not helpful and maybe even harmful. We replace old, destructive habits with new healthy ones. We slip back. We begin again. Life, death, rebirth.

Bursts of inspiration and energy carry us toward possibility. Fear and doubt stop us in our tracks. Then we begin again, slowly gaining traction. Life, death, rebirth.

Dreams and ideas fall away as new ones come to light. Roles are abandoned or redefined. We step into a new sense of self, perhaps one that feels more aligned with who we are in this chapter of our life.

It seems in every group I participate in, people are talking about feeling “up in the air,” uncertain of the future. I sense a heightened awareness to the truth that we don’t know what lies ahead. We don’t know. Individually and collectively, we have no ability to see, with certainty, how our next move will play out down the line. For some at some times this brings fear and anxiety. We want to know. Our minds love to think they’re in charge and that if we craft just the right plan, then surely, we’ll be ok. We’ll be safe. Now we can go ahead. We forget that plans are destined to be changed.

Others are more comfortable with stepping out into risks, taking a chance, making the next move that feels like the next right or best step. We do what we can to set ourselves up for success. And, as we step into action, maybe we weigh pros and cons. We do the research, play out scenarios, try to prepare for all that could come up. (I certainly do that and have likely wasted a lot of time and energy in the past in this mental activity – somehow it makes me feel better. Gives me a false sense of security). Sometimes we simply take a leap of faith, trusting that if we don’t learn to fly, the net will appear.

On my last retreat I spoke about the sense that my heart just keeps breaking open. A friend asked what that looks like. The best answer I could give is that I’m filling with compassion to the extent that I can no longer tolerate things that are not Love. That I feel both a sense of urgency and also a call to slow down and savor. To pause and notice the teeny tiny buds, to listen to the birds, to not miss life’s unfolding. To really be present with a friend. To reach out and put everything else aside so that I can just listen and hear what’s going on in her heart. To stop telling my son what to do, but to get curious, ask, and give him space to open his heart to me. To share our thoughts, our feelings with a sense that what we’re up to is somehow very, very sacred.

And, also, urgency… I feel a pull to show up more and more authentically, to speak up, to speak out, to be part of the revolutionary work I am called to. To notice that there are more causes that need attention than I can even imagine, and if I try to take them all on, I will be completely burnt out and ineffective in everything I do. So, slowing down, asking within and getting clear on what causes I am here to serve. Howard Thurman’s words live in my heart:

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

The energy of these words pulses through my heart and veins. I can literally feel it calling me to life. Letting go of ideas I’ve had about who I was or what I should be doing – allowing them to die away so that I can be reborn into this new day. Aligning more and more with what Parker Palmer calls my “soul’s imperative…” That call which I cannot deny.

Can you feel this within yourself? This letting go or dying off of old things, old ways, as you step into new life with fresh energy, new possibility, new beginnings to be born anew as this next version of you?

When I witness people release a career that’s been bogging them down for decades and allow themselves to feel the excitement of a fresh possibility, as they allow their creative muse to take them to a dream that’s been hidden or a light that beckons, I can feel them coming to life! There is a tingling in the air when someone listens to the call of their heart or soul. When someone says “Yes!” to a dream they have no idea how to fulfill. When they simply take that first small step. Life in the making!

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Planting Seeds, Practice, and Possibility

4/19/2022

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In today’s #AtoZChallenge, let’s look at planting seeds, practice, and, of course, Possibility! I couldn’t miss that chance when P came around!

Planting Seeds
We are forever planting seeds in our own lives and in the world, so it seems worth pausing (oh, there’s another great P word!) to notice the seeds we spread. Are they seeds of kindness and generosity, of love and possibility, of hope? Or are they seeds of doom and gloom (which, quite frankly, would be understandable these days)?

My yoga teacher reminded us that Loving Kindness practice plants seeds of kindness and compassion within us that hopefully we will carry into our days and lives. As we sit and take the time to offer to ourselves and others these universal wishes of peace, happiness, health, safety, and ease, we become fertile ground for embodying these qualities. From there we can more readily offer them out through our actions. We begin with ourselves, offering some variation of the following:

May I be peaceful.
May I be happy.
May I be healthy.
May I be safe.
May I live with ease.

I must admit it can be hard for me to be fully present for this initial offering - to quiet myself enough to simply receive. My mind and heart automatically wander to others I want to send these wishes to. I forget the incredible value and absolute necessity of filling myself up first.

I do believe Loving Kindness practice is one of the most valuable practices we can engage in these days. As I wondered in my Kindness post, I can easily question if this practice matters or makes a difference. I have to believe it does. Because I can feel in my own being what a difference it makes to my heart and spirit. The act of taking time to offer love to myself and then out to others, known and unknown, feels like it creates a ripple… it feels like planting seeds of goodness in a world that is hurting.

Practice
And, so, there is the first practice I’m considering. What other practices will support us in troubled times? What practices will support us to move toward possibility? And, what does “practice” even mean?

Practice, to me, means that we will try or do something, we will likely forget or drift away from this thing we are doing, and then we return again. It does not mean that we will be perfect, even with all the practice in the world, but simply that we will remember and come back. Over and over again.

Meditation is a practice. In it we welcome ourselves where we are as we are. We allow our thoughts and feelings to be what they are and to come and go, naturally, without force or harshness. When we find we’ve drifted away for whatever reason, we return to our anchor (often the breath, but it could also be the sensation of your hands or feet, the sounds you’re hearing, or to a word or mantra), and begin again. In that permission to drift and return as often as happens, there is a gentleness. And so, meditation is a very good practice to support our way of being in life. When we drift from how we’d like to be, we remember, we adjust, we return, and we begin again.

Living and loving are practices. Human is messy, and so we offer ourselves compassion and forgiveness as we find our way.

Self-care is a practice. It’s not something we’ve been taught growing up, and so we need to find our way as adults to what it means for us to care for ourselves, moment by moment. We often begin with gung-ho intentions and goals, and inevitably life happens and we become less diligent. It’s ok. In that moment of noticing that we’ve drifted off our intended course, we awaken, and we have the chance to return and begin again.

Gratitude is a practice. It takes awareness to pause and notice what we’re grateful for. To take in the beauty of this moment and appreciate it. To reflect on the life we have and name what we are thankful for. Even in hard times to find what’s still here that we can appreciate. What can give us a tiny lift or glimmer of hope toward the next step.

What other practices do you have that support you, that help you plant the seeds you’d like to in your life, and to move into possibility?

Possibility
Possibility is perhaps one of the most under-rated beliefs we can tap into. We tend to look at probability and get stuck there. We forget that all new creations began with someone taking a risk, daring to believe that something might be possible. I recently listened to a really great conversation between Emmanuel Acho and Brene Brown about this very thing in their episode of “Unlocking Us,” entitled Being Illogical. Please give it a listen if you’d like to bring more possibility thinking into your days!

Had the Wright Brothers let probability stop them, we would not be able to travel across the country in a matter of hours. Had Rosa Parks or Martin Luther King, Jr. let probability stop them, they would not have taken a stand for the rights of people of color. Possibility requires a bit of imagination, a bit of daring, and a bit of willingness to play, experiment, or take a stand.

I believe possibility opens us to the life that we desire to be a part of. That opening to possibility is where everything begins. Our minds only know what’s happened before. Our imaginations can tap into an unseen and unexperienced vision. It’s this energy that lights a fire within us to keep on showing up, to do the hard work of healing our own hurts, and contributing to the world in the way we’re called.

“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”
- Mahatma Gandhi

Please join me in planting seeds of compassion, love, kindness, and hope. In practicing things that nourish and nurture your heart and spirit so that you can show up with possibility in your soul to be part of the change you desire to see in your life or in the world.

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G is for Good Enough

4/8/2022

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So, let me preface this post by telling you I was raised by a man who taught me never to settle. If I got an A, it was “Why wasn’t it an A+?” I truly think he believed something horrible would happen if we let down, relaxed, or didn’t push ourselves as hard as we could. The conditioning runs deep. It felt like nothing would ever be good enough.

Operating from this viewpoint can lead us to live in a way that isn’t sustainable and is very rarely satisfying. You always feel like there’s something more to achieve or prove. You keep raising the bar on yourself, not even pausing long enough to notice what you have accomplished. Always striving, driving, and pushing…

To get to a point of adulthood and realizing that I get to decide what’s good enough has taken some work!

I remember hearing “Good is good enough” in 2014 at my first women’s retreat with Renee Trudeau. It caused me to pause. What does that even mean? I see the freedom from perfectionism it offers, but how do you get to a place of peace within yourself? How do you define for yourself what IS good? And, how do you really know if it is enough?

As a young married woman and mom, I was often embarrassed to have people come into the house because it wasn’t clean enough or decorated well enough or picked up enough, and so I didn’t invite people over unless they were already good friends. I couldn’t meet the idealized standard that I had set for myself and so I just denied myself company, fearing judgment that would likely not have been as harsh as my own.

I judged myself critically in parenting and work – always looking toward some invisible, undefinable, and probably unachievable objective. Until at some point in the past few years I stopped doing that (as much). I'm a work in progress and often need other people to help me see how hard I am on myself.

In her book, The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate, and Re-Balance Your Life, Renee Trudeau has an entire chapter devoted to this idea that “Good is Good Enough!” (By the way, where was this book when I was a young mother?? I didn’t find it or her until I was almost 50! Could have used a healthy dose of that much earlier in my parenting!). In this section, Renee says, “Part of being able to relax into a mentality of ‘good is good enough’ is understanding where your priorities lie. We have a finite amount of energy to devote to what’s really important to us.” So true!

As you look at your own life, are you allocating your energy according to what’s most important to you or are there things that are taking your time, resources, and energy that really don’t deserve it? It’s worth a moment to take an honest assessment and see what you notice. Then adjust as necessary. If relationships are a top value but most of your time is spent on cleaning or work, where might you change things up?

Where in your life would you like to play with the idea that “good is good enough” and allow yourself a little more grace? Can you lower the bar for yourself instead of continually raising it? I've also learned that "done is better than perfect," which helps me to keep going with things like this challenge!

We are often our own harshest critics, demanding more than is reasonable from our human selves. When you notice yourself treating yourself this way, can you bring in some self-compassion, gentleness, and kindness? Permission to let go of striving for unattainable perfection! Permission to stop pushing so hard and to relax and enjoy this one precious life (not that you need my permission!).

Side note... I find it fascinating that when I first tried, this post wouldn't let me schedule it, but posted immediately. Then I realized I had entered the date wrong! Hmmm... good is good enough, I guess. 😂

What do you think? #AtoZChallenge – Question (Almost) Everything

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Forgetting How to Hurry

3/21/2022

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Transitioning, Adjusting, Reflecting…

We got back home last Monday evening, and I wanted to share with you some reflections as I'm slowly transitioning from what life has been like for the past 2 ½ months into “typical home life.” It's kind of fascinating to witness myself as if looking in from the outside. I've lived in this house for 4 ½ years and in this area most of my life, and yet I feel as if I'm meeting myself here anew this week.

Since January I've had no appointments to drive to, no people to connect with in person, and lots and lots of 1:1 time with Tom (my hubby). We've both worked virtually during that time - I have met with clients and participated in a number of trainings and professional development, but there's something different about getting back from the beach or out of the shower in time for a phone or Zoom call than having to get in a car to drive somewhere. Also, I have only driven about 5 times in the past 10 weeks! Life has had a sweet and simple rhythm and flow.

Now I'm moving back into our more typical way of being… as soon as we got home, I had to rush to eat my supper while Tom unloaded the car before I jumped into a 4 hour training. Our drifting into our own little worlds was already underway.

He brought all the stuff in and, exhausted from two full days of travel, we both agreed to leave bags and boxes to be dealt with later. I did notice how much easier it is to unpack and settle into the rental home than it is to unpack and settle back into our own space. In part because I have to fit all the traveling stuff into all the other stuff that's here. I have been very struck by a sense of “too much stuff…” Going into a rental condo is different - in that scenario we are adding ourselves into the space, finding places to make it our own, to create comfort and flow.

Forgetting How to Hurry…
By bedtime I couldn't sleep because my mind was still stirring and my body was uncomfortable and there was noise that disrupted me. I didn't sleep well and I woke up the next morning needing to get ready for a 10:30 appointment. As I began my preparations I recognized that I had forgotten how to hurry. That was both delightful (and something I want to remember to forget) and a little concerning because I did actually have to drive 30 minutes to get to my chiropractor.

Following the Heart and Soul…
Thankfully I moved quickly enough while still at a pace that worked for me to make it on time. In the waiting room I ran into a friend who told me how she and her husband had fairly rapidly followed a long-time dream and were moving to Florida! After starting to look at properties, within a month they had found and bought a house that meets both of their needs and desires, sold theirs (within 5 days after 60+ showings and 30+ offers…for a lot more money than asking price) and things are coming together beautifully.

Seeing her joy and sense of freedom reminded me what it's like to follow the call of the heart and soul! It's how I left my job and started my practice, how we ended up here in this house on the water, and how we've now wintered down South for 3 years! It seems that sometimes when you say “yes” and genuinely feel all in, there's a whoosh of energy that gets things flowing. It's not magic, but it certainly can be magical! It was nice to feel that in her and to share in her celebration!

Perspective and compassion
You might remember me griping about the “yelling people” downstairs who were definitely adding some stress and angst to our days and nights in Hilton Head. When we left I wrote a card to mail to them and resisted the temptation to be snarky or mean. Instead I simply offered them an anonymous loving kindness wish: “May you be peaceful. May you be happy. May you be safe. May you be healthy. May you live with ease" along with an invitation to embrace the beautiful moments in this new day. I'm not sure why I felt called to do that, but I did. Seeing this young family with 3 or 4 little ones crammed into such a small space did give me some compassion and I knew I had no idea what was going on in their life.

I had mentioned to our hosts that we might not be back because of the frequent yelling and screaming. Our host checked into the situation and discovered that this family were relatives of the owners who were staying there because they were unable to return to their home in Guatemala due to Covid restrictions. Whew… that could add a certain level of stress, couldn't it!? So glad I had sent loving kindness and not nastiness!

Just a good reminder that we never know what other people are going through and that extending love and compassion is always the best choice.

Transitioning and Adjusting
My whole being is happier and more relaxed when there is sunshine and warmth, so coming back to this grey bleak time of year is a little tough. I am very much appreciating a friend's picture posts of her trip to Hawaii and can feel the longing in my own soul for that vibrant color of flowers and water. I've lived here mostly forever, but each year I find myself less and less tolerant of the cold and grey (hence the whole wintering away!).

As I move through the house, I'm finding myself having to pause and remember where are the glasses? where do I put these clothes? What DO I eat for breakfast in the cooler weather? And I'm also assessing as I put things away, “Do you deserve to take up precious space in this little home?” I'm throwing things away and gathering clothes to donate. I can feel a strong desire for Spring cleaning and purging! I even organized the junk drawer in the bathroom and cleaned the shelves in the cabinet before unpacking and adding in what has come back with us.

Even though I am back home, it's an adjustment. Even though we are always in transition, these moments feel particularly clunky as I settle back in. I am meeting myself where I am in this moment, gently, carefully discerning with each appointment, are you someone I want to continue to work with? Do I need appointments as often as I did before? What feels right to me in this season of my life?

As I feel the “too muchness” in so many ways and the longing for spaciousness, for color, fresh air, and sunshine, for slowing down, I am choosing carefully how to spend my time. For instance, this evening I chose a walk with Tom over joining a group I love on Zoom - my soul just needed to get out there on this 62 degree day when the sun was out! Rhythms and routines are different here. We're finding our way. The kindness I promised myself this week is to not overwhelm my schedule and to unpack slowly and gradually while I also tend to the things that have to get done.

Good thing I forgot how to hurry! I am going to do my best to hold onto that. I look forward to less frenzy and more flow. (We listened to a great podcast on our drive home with Brene Brown and Dr. Shawn Ginwright which touches on this idea - you can listen to that here if you'd like)

And I offer you this poem, which has sometimes been used to pressure people to do more. I think actually the real intent and invitation is to do less… “to be idle and blessed,"… to not miss the simple pleasures and delights of an ordinary day.

The Summer Day
by Mary Oliver
Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean--
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down--
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

This week's meditation is Forgetting How to Hurry, and it includes a reading of “The Rat Race” from 111 Invitations: Step into the Full Richness of Life. May it support you in taking a brief pause in your day.

More thoughts (and still seeking your input)! Blogging A-to-Z Challenge:
Thank you to those who shared some ideas with me for this challenge! I'm in! (I even bought the t-shirt so it's official!). Every day in the month of April, except Sundays, I will post a theme-related blog based on the letter of the day.

The working title for my theme is Question (Almost) Everything! Inspired by Kate Bowler’s Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved, I thought it might be fun to live into some questions – to look at our conditioning, the stories, actions, and beliefs we’ve bought into and why we do and say some of these things. Who taught us to believe this, where and when did we pick up this idea, and what might we choose instead?

What do you think? What questions do you have that I might explore? What conditioning are you curious about? What belief, cultural narrative, actions, or simple pithy sayings drive you crazy? Send me a note and let me know, please! I'll need some help coming up with something for every letter! And for some letters I have multiple ideas, so if this goes well, who knows? Could become an ongoing thing!

The blogs will be posted on my blog and will only be emailed to people who choose to receive them. Thanks to those who have already subscribed to this special list. Email me if you too would like to receive these A to Z posts!

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Let Me Not Miss This Day...

3/16/2022

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I'm writing this on Tuesday, March 8th and this is what the beach was like on this beautiful morning… sunny, warm, blue sky with a dappling of puffy clouds, children squealing with delight as they race into the waves, dogs bounding happily into the whitecaps chasing balls, people biking, walking, sitting or lying on their towels… there's a sense of ease and delight in this space. Yesterday was supposed to be our last nice day before we head back home - the rains were supposed to begin today, but they didn't! Somehow we were granted one more bonus day of natural gorgeousness and blissfully I had absolutely nothing on my schedule til this evening!

So as I reflected on my intention for the day, what came to me was “Let me not miss this day.” Too many times I've missed a day - swept up in fear, worry, regret or anticipation. Anything that carries me into the future, into the past, or into another part of the world takes me away from fully being right here, right now. And so, in an effort to slow the ticking of time, I intend to not miss this day.

Tears came as I felt the sadness of leaving which is coming too soon. Even though it's been a long time already and even though there are good reasons to want to get back home, I am already mourning the transition that is coming. I'm already packing in my mind, beginning the drive, anticipating the travel… but that's not here.

Again, I pause and catch myself. I don't want to miss this day, so I'll remember that I am still here right now. We don't leave for another 5 days. I have time. It just doesn't feel like it. But, I do. There is time to slow down. To breathe in the salt air. To soak in the sun. To love the feeling of soft sand on my bare feet. To smile at the simple joy all around me on the beach. To enjoy one more dinner with my love (in fact, the restaurant that I had tried to call several times to make a reservation just called me back because they had missed my calls! What!? Who does that?? We have a lovely waterfront dinner planned for this evening! That was bonus!!)

I am savoring the sweetness of this day, even though I am also doing laundry and dishes. Those tasks don't take away from the time at the pool or the refreshing breeze off the ocean. As I choose to sit and meditate and write, I am taking in the golf course out my window, the tropical-themed bedspread I am sitting upon. I am drinking in this space as if I could carry it home with me somehow. Longing for my skin to be able to absorb enough warmth to hold me until Spring finally arrives up North, even though I know that's not possible.

Returning to here. Now. This moment. This breath. Don't let me miss this day thinking ahead to North. Right now I am still here in the South. How easy it is to drift away before I've even had a chance to catch myself.

Wishing you a day that you too can savor and be present with. Give yourself to it, and allow it to fill you. What gifts does it offer? What sweetness? Please, don't miss this day.

This week's meditation is Let Me Not Miss This Day, and it includes a reading of “This Pure, Precious Moment” from 111 Invitations: Step into the Full Richness of Life. May it support you in coming into presence for a few minutes this day.

Seeking your input! Blogging A-to-Z Challenge: Looking ahead to April, I think I am going to take on the Blogging A to Z Challenge (which I'm still figuring out)! What that means is that every day except Sundays, I will post a theme-related blog based on the letter of the day. Feels like a fun way to stretch my writing!

The theme I'm considering is inspired by Kate Bowler’s Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved. I thought it might be fun to live into some questions – to look at our conditioning, the stories and beliefs we’ve bought into and why we believe these things. Who taught us to believe this, where and when did we pick up this idea, and what might we choose instead?

So, what’s the theme? Conditioning? Discernment? Breaking down beliefs? I’m not sure, but I think this could be a good one for me given the way I tend to think in questions more than answers! What do you think? What questions do you have that I might explore? What conditioning are you curious about? What belief, cultural narrative, or platitude drives you crazy? Send me a note and let me know, please! I'll need some help coming up with something for every letter!

The blogs will be posted on here on this blog and will only be emailed to people who choose to receive them (you can email me to let me know if you'd like to be added to this list).

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Grappling with Life's Questions

Enchantment

In the Stillness

Boundaries... Tough, and So Critical!

Love, What Would You Have Me Know This Day?

Life, Death, and Rebirth

Planting Seeds, Practice, and Possibility

G is for Good Enough

Forgetting How to Hurry

Let Me Not Miss This Day...

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