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Revival!

8/31/2022

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Revival - an improvement in the condition or strength of something. (as defined by Oxford Languages).

When I first thought about “revival,” I thought it meant “brought back to life.” I suppose that would certainly be considered an “improvement in the condition or strength of something,” wouldn’t it?  So, I am going to stick with that felt sense of the word. 

I’ve had a month of revival, and I must say I’m emerging with a fresh energy, a renewed and deepened connection with myself, and a fresh enthusiasm to engage with life and this next chapter in a beautiful way. I’m looking at my work with fresh eyes and a willingness to shake things up.

In July I got a very strong internal hit to step away, pull back from obligations and work that wasn’t filling me any longer. That hit also came with a strong desire to add in more fun, more play, more rest, more joy.  And so, I did.

I cleared my calendar of appointments that could wait til later.  I bought tickets to live music, which I have learned in recent years is a thing that fills my soul and is something my husband and I enjoy doing together.  I jumped into the Great Rhythm Revival (that “thing” I mentioned in my last newsletter) very spontaneously and a little uncertainly.  I booked a trip to Omega Institute to meet a friend I’d only known by Zoom and phone for 2 ½ years – we’d co-facilitated 2 online retreats in that time but we had never actually been in the same room together, never shared a hug or a deep sit-down face-to-face conversation!  I bought tickets to the Avett Brothers in Chautauqua and then added to a day pass so that we could listen to Scott Avett’s non-lecture about spirituality, faith, and creativity which led us to add an extra night to our stay and invite a couple of friends to join us.  I found a gorgeous simple peaceful cottage on the lake to hold us for those nights. 

I’ve been on the road A LOT!  Probably away from home more than not this past month. But, because it was fueled by joy, I feel filled up rather than depleted.  Revived, if you will! 

So, this Great Rhythm Revival… what the heck is that?  I wasn’t sure other than knowing I was jumping into some peace, love, and granola kind of happening with drumming, dancing, and fire.  I went with Sandi Sabene, my partner for this year’s retreat and a friend who I haven’t had much chance to play with and a dear friend of hers.  I could have (and would have in the past) felt like a third wheel, an outsider, especially since these two are beloved members of this community that has formed over many years.  But, I didn’t.  Why?  Because I went in with a solid sense of myself and a strong ability and desire to take care of my needs during our time together.  I let go of FOMO and gave myself permission to listen to my body, heart, and spirit – to nap on our porch rather than join a workshop, to dance rather than write, to go to bed rather than go to the fire.  To say “yes” to me rather than to other people’s expectations or desires. 

I also gave myself full permission to let loose and find the carefree, joyful me who was so hungry to come out and play!  To close my eyes and drum even though I don’t really know how.  To join the transformative dance workshops and let my body move as it wanted to move (which was way more than it has in the past year or more due to a lengthy bout of frozen shoulder).  To say “yes” to the body paint (a little the first night and all in the second) before the dance party!  To dance in the front row and not care that I’m so tall.  To sweat.  To jump into the pond and float with women I was just meeting for the first time.  To talk to strangers – to dare to believe that I might belong.  To meet new people and to buy my ticket for next year because I know this is good medicine for my soul! 

During that weekend I found or reconnected with parts of myself that had been sleeping for too long.  My nervous system settled, awakened, healed in ways it hasn’t in a very long time.  I was nourished and fueled on all levels.  The conditions and strength of my something was very much improved! 

I returned home with a solid connection to my true self. I felt grounded and strong.  I had crystal clarity, which allowed me to stand on my ground and face some BS that came my way almost immediately.  Finding ourselves and letting ourselves free is vital to our life force energy.  It’s critical to be solid in our own core in order to not be buffeted around by life and other people. 

I feel like I’m in the gooey phase of transformation/transmutation now… like the caterpillar in the cocoon, in the dark, but not in a bad way.  There’s been a strong desire and need to go within, to find quiet and stillness in order to hear the whispers of my soul, the calls for what’s next. 

I don’t know what’s next, and that’s ok.  In this space I don’t have to know.  I only have to be open.  To listen deeply to my heart and soul – to follow the inner nudges that do know.  To sit with the not knowing and allow things to unfold. To catch and follow the fresh inspiration when it comes. 

This phase is calling me to let go of things I’ve done for a long time, and trust that I will be able to create anew when the time is right.  I’m not trying to box anything in to what it used to be or what I’ve always done. I’m not trying to force or figure anything out.  Aaahhh… it feels like a breath of fresh air that I can expand into rather than a stagnant stale container cramping me in. 

On my solo drive to Omega, I listened to great podcasts (Cheryl Strayed on We Can Do Hard Things – 2 episodes – really lit my fire!).  I listened closely and paid attention to what their conversation awakened within me.  I longed to devote more time to my writing and for writing time with Cheryl.  I’m taking steps to honor this deep knowing.  Shortly after returning home, I saw that shel is offering a writing workshop in Omega!  I am returning before too long!!  Opening to one of my core gifts, to one of my principal practices and mediums, to inspiration, to a place and space that nurtures and nourishes me in a deep, deep way!  I’m excited! 

Listening to Scott Avett talk about not wanting to be boxed in or blocked out by labels, I felt a deep resonance in my core. Scott spoke of the need to be real, even in front of other people.  To let content arise from lived experience.  As I witnessed the band shake off any perception that they were simply a “folk band” with a strong rock and roll show, I smiled, imagining their intention.  “You think we’re folk?  Watch this!”  It was an amazing performance, coming from the authenticity of the band members.  Perhaps the best show I’ve ever seen from them. Why?  Because they were letting themselves out to shine and play!  They were being moved from the inside out! 

I have many reflections living within me from this month of revival. I have so much gratitude for those who flicked me awake and to myself for being there for it!  For showing up, ready and willing to be awakened, ready and willing to take a risk, ready and willing to break free, just a little bit more, letting go of some of the cares about what others think of me or expect from me in order to more fully honor myself. 

Sounds selfish, doesn’t it?  And yet, I have no doubt that all of this revival will allow me to serve the world in a better and stronger way than I have before.  I don’t know exactly what that means, but I’m ready and excited to witness and be part of the unfolding. 

Your turn…
What’s feeling old and stale to you?  Where can you shake things up a bit, in a really good way?  Where might you bring in more joy and playfulness to your days?  Where can you add in fun?  What can you cancel or reschedule that maybe doesn’t have to happen right now? What truly matters most to you right now – at this moment in your life? What parts of you have been sleeping or gone missing for too long?  What parts have not yet been discovered?  Where would you like to begin your revival? 

If you'd like a short meditation practice to support you, I've recorded Revival just for you! 


If the Great Rhythm Revival sounds good to you, check it out and join me next year!  As I was promised, you won’t be disappointed and you’ll likely love it! 

Want to give yourself a little revival much sooner than next August?  Join me and Sandi Sabene (she was the friend I went to Revival with and has facilitated drum circles and creative expression experiences for decades) at Let Your Light Shine Women’s Retreat Sept. 23-27.  She and I are lit up and so excited to be co-creating this magical 5-day experience together!  

Five spots remain.  This retreat may not happen again (at least not in its current form), so if this version is calling you, now is the time to jump in!  Don’t put it off til “next year!”  

I just don't know for sure what's coming.  I know there will be more retreats. I know there will be fresh and inspired offerings... so, stay tuned as more is revealed over the coming days and months!  This is where I am -  truly am in a space of wonder, curiosity, and possibility, discovering for myself what will be next! I'm excited!  And, you'll be the first to know! 

​And, as you can see from the rest of this post, I feel like it's always a good idea to seize the opportunities as they come rather than wait!  

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Q is for Questions

4/20/2022

10 Comments

 
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Since we started with #AtoZChallenge with a post about Answers, and my theme is Question (Almost) Everything, it seems only fitting that we take a little time with questions! In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I love questions.  I live in questions.  I know what it feels like to be annoying for asking too many questions! 

Anyone else a “you ask too many questions” person?? 

Through these daily posts it’s been my genuine desire to ask provocative questions.  To get you thinking, journaling, considering how these topics show up in your life.  Questioning is the way we expand beyond what we already know.  Questioning the status quo, the “way it’s always been done,” or what everyone else is doing is how we contribute to change in our own lives and in the world. 

Asking questions can open doors and reveal fresh possibility.  Questions are the foundation of experimentation, inviting us to try something and see how it goes.  Questions make it ok to not know.
 
As I touched on in Answers, it strikes me that there are different types of questions we ask.  In addition to basic logistical questions, there are questions of agony, questions of hope, excitement or wonder, questions of curiosity and genuine interest, and questions of right or wrong.  And then of course there are the big, possibly unanswerable, existential questions!  And, my favorite, the beautiful question. 

At different times each one of us has likely asked every kind of question. 

Questions of Agony: These are the cruel or “woe is me” questions that pile on misery and can keep us stuck.  They’re natural but not very helpful. The come with a tone of powerlessness– tone matters, because some of these questions, if asked in a neutral way could be genuine interest, information gathering, reflective ones. 

These are the judgmental ones, the ones of self-or other criticism, the ones of despair and misery.  These questions sound like: Why is this happening?  Why me/us?  How did we get here?  How could you?  What’s wrong with me (or you)?  When will this ever end??  Who’s to blame? 

Questions of hope, excitement, or wonder: You can feel the energy in these questions as they touch a place of wonder, awe, or imagination.  There’s a lightness and a sense of delight as you feel these questions.  Maybe some “nerve-cited” sensation too!

When will we find out?  Is this really happening!?  Are we really in this place/at this event/fulfilling this dream?? Will this work?  How is it possible that there is so much beauty in the world?  How did I get so lucky to feel a love like this?  If I had a magic wand, how would your life be different?  If I went for it, what might be possible? Can I really do this?

Questions of curiosity and genuine interest: These questions seek to understand, to connect, to go deeper.

What’s going on for you?  Tell me more about your situation; I really want to know (this is the tricky statement question!).  What makes you feel most alive?  What does it mean to you to be successful?  What DO I really want? 

Questions of right or wrong: These questions try to figure out the “right” course of action. When asked internally, and if we allow ourselves enough space and time to hear true guidance, these can be super helpful.  If asked of others, they can take us away from our own intuition or knowing. 

What should I do?  Just tell me!  Is this the right choice?  I don’t know… is that wrong?  What does the book say we’re supposed to do in this case?  What do the experts tell us to do? 

Existential Questions: The super big, maybe unanswerable questions we ask about life itself and our life and purpose. 

Why am I here?  What am I supposed to do with my life?  What’s the meaning of life?  Does anything matter?  If nothing matters, does everything matter?  Is there a God, and if there is, how could they let ____ happen? 

And, then, there is the Beautiful Question:
I learned about Beautiful Questions in a workshop on curiosity at Camp Good Life Project back in 2018.  Steven Morris described it as a question that can’t be answered by the mind alone and that it may be something you have to sit with for some time. 

So, the beautiful question is one you may not know the answer to easily (or ever), and for me, these are the questions that have caused me to open my mind, and more importantly, my heart to a broader perspective. 

As a mom of a young man with substance use disorder, many of my questions over the years had been anything but beautiful!  There were many questions of agony, of right and wrong, seeking outside advice and answers, which no one could really give us.  There were not too many questions of curiosity or wonder and certainly no beautiful wide-open wonderings.  I was too constricted by fear.

The question that changed our life:
Steven’s workshop broke open a question that would change my and our experience of life, and it was this: What if we stop trying to save his life and just love him, as he is, for as long as he’s here?” 

Every single word of this question felt important for me to really take in.  This question came from some place beyond my mind.  I know that because it makes no sense to a Mom mind.  And yet, it acknowledges and embodies the reality of our situation.  We can’t save his life, and we’re making all of us crazy trying to do so.  We do love him deeply, so what if we fully gave ourselves permission to love with all of our hearts.  And, he might die too young.  Knowing that, how do we want to live and be with our son while he’s here?  

Somehow my heart and soul can hold the hugeness of this question. Somehow this question frees us to be with our son in a more peaceful, accepting way.  It allows, at least occasionally, the desperation to fall away.  It enables us to give him the freedom to live his life and find his way.  It stops us from so much telling and yelling. 

And, so I ask you, dear reader: What’s the value in asking good questions? Powerful questions?  What questions actually engage you or your conversation partner in some deeper thought and interaction?  What beautiful question might your life be asking you to sit with?  Is there one that would open you up? 

I can’t wait to hear what this topic stirs for you! 
 

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L - Love Questions

4/14/2022

6 Comments

 
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What I am LOVING about this #AtoZChallenge is that it’s raising questions about topics I didn’t anticipate questioning… things like hope, kindness, and how we look at and feel about bodies.  I love that one friend and reader told me the posts are “like a cup of espresso.  They’re waking me up!”  She’s been willing to read critically and dive into her own thoughts about certain words and topics.  I couldn’t ask for any more than that! 

So, with that, let’s dive into some questions I have played with around the idea of love for several years now.  These questions change my experience of life and my way of being in it. 

Is Love available, even here?
First, from Sufi teacher and business coach, Mark Silver, “Is Love available, even here?”  This is a profound question to ask ourselves when we are facing desperate and painful times in our own lives or when we look at catastrophes in the world.  Is Love available, even here?  Can you find it, feel it, access it?  Might Love be at play even when times seem the bleakest? What’s the opportunity?
I recently talked with a friend who is grieving the dying of a beloved pet.  It hurts so deeply to let go of those we love so dearly.  And yet, we know that death is part of life.  The more we love, the more it will hurt.  So how might we use our alive time to honor walking alongside someone at the end of their life?

I suggested that there was a gift in knowing that the end is near (and also gave her permission to tell me to F off because I know it doesn’t feel like a gift in this moment)… that she has time to spend with this animal, to let it know all it’s meant to her, to do some ceremony around saying goodbye, even when she doesn’t want to say goodbye.  How can we weave love into our living days with those we love, whether the end is near or not? 

              '"Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
​                      ~ Alfred Lord Tennyson


Loving someone who struggles with substance use disorder can lead to a chaotic existence…  there can be a lot of anger, blame, shame, and broken trust.  Things can get ugly and painful in a deeply wounding way.  Is Love available even here?  Even as relationships are torn apart, words spoken that can’t be taken back, and fear rules the day.  Can we remember the essence of this person, the bond that brought us together, and if it’s our child, the bond that runs deep and may be non-negotiable?  Can we find enough ground within ourselves and get enough support to bring Love to the situation?  Can we trust in a Divine Love surrounding us, even in the hardest moments? 

What does Love look like?
Through my journey with my son’s substance use disorder, I’ve struggled to find the Love many times, getting caught up in the human messiness more often than I’d like to admit.  I’ve also had to redefine what Love looks like, what love means, and what a loving mother is or does. 

We have ideas growing up (or at least I did) about these things.  In my case I believed a loving mother was kind, gentle, caring, nurturing, and never got angry… at anyone, but especially not at her children (anger was a “Wait til your father gets home” situation).  This was not a healthy foundation for me to step into the reality of parenting, and I am grateful for the counselor who early on challenged my belief that I would never get angry with my child and gave me permission for this very natural human response. 

Active addiction stirs up lots of anger along with exhaustion which is a recipe for disaster.  It can be hard to find or feel the love.  And, in the moments I get good support, care for myself, and have some practices to find my center, I can love my son in a different way.  I’ve learned that loving my young adult son is different from loving my baby or little boy, and that I can no longer mend all of his wounds or keep him safe.  I’ve learned that love shines through in clear boundaries communicated in a straightforward way, and that love also allows us not to be rigid.  When love enters in there is room to determine what feels right and doable in this moment.  Love doesn’t always say “yes,” but it doesn’t always have to say “no” either. 

When I am the loving mother I desire to be, I walk alongside my sons.  I see them for the beautiful people they are.  I listen to them and allow them to guide their own journeys.  I honor their uniqueness and that each of us have our own journey.  I take care of myself and know that my life is most certainly affected by theirs, but it is not determined by theirs.  I remember that there is love for them and also love for me, and that when I love and honor myself, I am better able to love and honor them.  I no longer believe that a good mother sacrifices herself for her kids.  I also love myself enough to allow for and expect imperfections along the way.

What would Love do?
Perhaps my favorite question of all, which I believe I first heard from Elizabeth Gilbert (but I can’t confirm because I often don’t remember for sure), is “What would Love (with a capital L) do?” 
Oh, man! Such a great question!  And, here’s why… because what Love would do is so often different than what my little pissed off, resentful, hurting human self would do.  Now Love still wouldn’t sacrifice me or encourage me to save someone else, because Love knows that’s not my job.  Love wouldn’t ask me to do more than is reasonable or to suffer abuse. 

However, Love would reach deep and find compassion.  Compassion would allow me to consider another person’s point of view.  Love helps me to see the humanity and soul of another being, no matter what I see on the surface.  Love helps me to show up to the world from a softer place. 
When Love is our intention, our guiding light, when Love is how we want to live in the world, how does that change our words, actions, and way of being with one another? 

So, I leave you to consider: Is Love available, even here?  What does Love look like?  And, What would Love do? 

What questions do you have about Love?  Please share in the comments!  I'd LOVE to hear your thoughts! 


A little musical inspiration for you - Love Wins

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6 Comments

H is for Hope

4/9/2022

4 Comments

 
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​“Hope is a weak word,” I’ve heard.  And, I get it, I guess.  If all you do is hope that something will happen or hope things will change or get better, but you don’t do anything other than sit around hoping, then sure… it’s not enough.  At the same time, I have also always cringed a little bit at this idea. Something about it felt off. 

I’ve found that sometimes hope is all we have.  When things feel so lost and we can’t see the way out, we must hold on to hope.  Hope is like faith or love in that it can’t be seen, but it can be felt deep, deep down inside us.  It can call us forward.  It can help us show up for another day.  

“Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.” – Helen Keller

I’ve found that hope is not weak at all, but perhaps one of the strongest forces that exists.  It is a light in the darkness, a beacon in confusion, a balm in times of despair.  Hope lives in the rising of the sun, the blooming of the daffodil, and the budding of the trees.  

“In the stillness of the quiet, if we listen, we can hear the whisper of the heart giving strength to weakness, courage to fear, hope to despair.” – Howard Thurman

Although at times hope feels risky, so we opt for “cautious optimism” instead, as if somehow daring to hope will jinx the outcome we hope for or cast a curse upon the situation.  The stakes are so high we dare not hope.  And yet, please do… what have you got to lose?  Not hoping isn’t going to make the pain any less if things don’t work out.  And it might just lighten your spirit along the way.  

Because I think we could all use a little more hope, I offer you this beautiful poem:

Listen
Fear says
‘what if this
is the end of the world?’
Love asks
with a tender and open smile
‘Oh my precious child,
what if this is the beginning.’
Don’t lose hope
Don’t let fear harden you
Lean in to the unimaginable.
Dare to laugh
amidst disaster
even with shattered dreams
and a broken heart
that cries for all those suffering.
Dare to love
even now
even here.
Remember who you are,
without all the layers
of conditioning.
Come home
Again
And
Again.
Bathe in the beauty
All around.
Remember, dear child
The sky and earth
Still
Sing.
It is up to us
To
listen.
 - Sarah Siegel

Share with us please your thoughts on hope. What’s been possible because you dared to hold onto hope?  How has hope supported you?  Is hope a scary or easy feeling for you to lean into?  
​
#AtoZ Challenge – Question (Almost) Everything 

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    About me...

    I am a writer, coach, and teacher, and I love capturing life's many moments through writing, whether that be journalling, blogging, poetry, or essay.  I have always found the written word as a natural way for me to express what lies within.  

    This is the space where we get real.  I will write about my life experiences and things that I find my clients encounter in their daily lives.   

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Inspired Possibility
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barb@inspiredpossibility.com