Ah, I have to say, yesterday was absolutely perfect… even though Mary’s dead, Nate’s in the hospital, Adam wasn’t here, and I could “only” share the day with Tom. It was amazing and my heart is still bursting to overflowing.
Even though there were no gifts to unwrap, no cards to open, no flowers to receive. It was absolutely perfect. Why? Because I felt loved – because I loved myself and showed up for me and asked for what I wanted (pretty uncomfortable and not always the norm). Because we created a glorious, heartfelt, magical day.
And the moments matter way more than a mountain of material things ever could.
I got to be with Tom. I got to talk to Nate, Adam, and Steve, and listen to messages from Mindy and Kare – and, even though they were the only ones who called, that was enough.
And, here’s the thing. I KNOW my experience in this moment could be vastly different if I narrowed my focus onto what wasn’t rather than what was. What was missing or lacking rather than everything that filled my heart. It’s an unwritten rule in my life that cards matter, and yet, there was not one single card, even from Tom. But, what I had instead was his complete, undivided attention for an entire day, from sunrise til bedtime. I’ll take it!
Now, I can write about this because I allow myself to notice and to choose what I focus on – what really matters. Time – wild horses – blue sky and sunshine – bird song, a starlit night, the sweetness of a loved one’s voice or message (and the effort they took to let me hear it or feel it). Money can’t buy these things and these things bring tears of gratitude and break open my heart… Truly.
This is not me settling or compromising or making things be ok. This is me landing solidly in a deep, deep contentment that life is so very good event though not every bit of it might be exactly perfect on the surface. In my heart and soul it is absolutely Divine, heavenly, magical, and I am so grateful.
Maybe this is the wisdom of the years or the heavens speaking in this moment. Tomorrow I might be a resentful bitch about something else, but it won’t be about my birthday. Honestly, it was the best birthday ever because:
A. We created a day for me – that made one more of my little girl dreams come true – I got to see wild horses!!
B. No work. No productivity. No squeezing one thing in even on the drive. Only time for what really mattered – delight, connection (with Tom and also through birthday messages via text, Messenger, email and Facebook), and
C. I let more of me free into the world with yesterday’s Heart Revolution newsletter and blog, which felt risky and was well-received, at least by some.
Tom asked me if I had any birthday mantras. I said, “To take nothing for granted and to be more me!” To choose to savor life – truly from deep within my heart. To choose to just live and enjoy as many moments as possible, and to savor life’s sweetness and focus there. To risk being called Pollyanna or too positive or pissing people off who would rather I hide my joy.
This is the ground I stand on. One where I don’t need to hide away my joy or delight. One where I can dance and sing when I hear great music, even if it’s in a restaurant or on the beach or mall in a crowd of people. One where I smile and tell a stranger I love her shirt or offer to help someone. One that deepens connection because I am not locked away in my own discontent.
Does this mean I won’t ever feel sad or angry or disappointed? Does it mean that my heart isn't also breaking for the people who are suffering? Does it mean I'm not seething with anger at unjust acts of war? Hell no! It means my heart can hold it all. It means from this heart-centered place I am grounded and ready to act. It means that fierce compassion can rise up to take the steps that are mine to take.
I will more honestly, more openly, more fully feel all that I feel and then decide where to dwell – which feelings to hang out with and for how long. I will choose what actions are mine to take.
And, you might say, “But, clearly you were disappointed with no cards or you wouldn’t have mentioned it.” And I say with full honesty, and not to convince anyone, “No. That was just my mind noticing the story that I’ve lived with all these years, and my heart is discovering a new reality, a new truth. I’m actually not disappointed at all. In fact, quite the opposite. I don’t care if Hallmark ever makes one more cent on a card for me!” I am so very happy and grateful and I choose what’s good, what’s right in life. That’s where I want to hang out.
I am just not going to hold back any more. Unlocking me feels so very good, and I do believe it’s part of this heart revolution. I hope you join me in setting yourself just a little more free today! This is what's possible when you do!
Some Songs to Support this Feeling:
Oh, and here's this morning's playlist to reinforce all of this! (You want another way to tap the wisdom of the Universe? Create a playlist that awesomely fills your heart and put it on shuffle! Amazing what comes through at just the right time!) Click the links for today's songs. Enjoy!!
All My Life - Linda Rondstadt and Aaron Neville (an anthem of our relationship)
You'll Never Walk Alone - Marcus Mumford
Both Sides Now - Judy Collins (listen to the words... perfect accompaniment!)
What Light - Wilco (thanks, Carol Moon, for this gem!)
Here We Go - WILD (thanks, Jen Louden!)