Lessons, Legacy, and Lightness...

It’s been a week… a week of BIG lessons, of reflecting on legacy, and of weaving lightness into it all (thanks to a friend reminding me of that one!).  Much of this came from being on retreat with a beautiful group of wise, loving, vulnerable, courageous, and open-hearted women.  Being in community like that seems to draw out deeper insights and wisdom than what I could discover on my own.  Sharing silence, sharing meals, sharing practices like meditation, yoga, and Tai Chi somehow deepens and enhances them.  And, retreat has a magic of its own… it works on us in its own way, for sure! 

Lessons learned: 

• Sharing the load, whether it’s work or pain is a beautiful opportunity that brings deep relief and enriches everyone​
• We all carry pain, grief, and unimaginable turns of events in our lives.  We do not have to carry our pain alone when we can find people we trust.  Comparing our stories or circumstances to anyone else’s can silence us and lead us to stuff what we’re feeling, and that’s just not helpful.  Our pain is valid too.  Stuffing it or holding it in silence is unsustainable – find someone you trust to share a bit with. 
• Same with our dreams – we don’t have to hold them alone in silence.  When we can find people with “believing eyes” as Sonia Choquette calls them, our dreams, hopes, and visions get infused with a fresh energy!  And, there’s no point in comparing our dreams to anyone else’s.  You’re not here to live out anyone’s ideas and purpose other than your own!
• Laughter is good for the soul. Right!?  You already knew that!  It’s especially good when the world feels so heavy.  Go ahead… have a great belly laugh as soon as you can!  
• We all want to be seen and heard.  To know that we matter, at least to one other being.  We have no idea who’s listening or who we’re reaching simply by being who we are. Trust me. You matter. 
• When we share our stories, our sadness, our regrets, our hopes, and our visions, we give others permission to do the same. Also, as we listen to others, we find more threads of commonality than we could have imagined.  We can relate on a heart level to one another’s joys, hopes, sadness, fear, and grief and marvel at our interconnection. 
• Opening our hearts softens us.  Compassion and love are limitless.  And, it’s in our softness that we find our true power – not from muscling through, pushing on, or forcing things, but from relaxing and allowing ourselves a willingness to hear and feel what feels right and true for us. 
• We are often much better at knowing what others need and caring for them than we are at knowing what we need and how to care for ourselves.  But, as we learn to turn our TLC toward ourselves, allowing ourselves to be filled up and nourished, everyone benefits. 
• We are also much better at seeing other people’s gifts while we are so often blind to our own.  We extend them generosity, grace, and permission that we deny ourselves.  We invite them to share their insights and creativity, and too often we hold back our own. 
• People are WEARY!  There is too much noise out there right now.  Our bodies need rest, our minds need rest, our souls need rest, and our hearts need rest.  They also need quiet in order to have the space to hear inner wisdom, to tap into creativity, to gain fresh perspective, or to consider a new possibility.  And, we all need to feel connection and love. 
• Silence is the secret sauce that opens hearts, sets souls free, and invites us to hear the wisdom of our own whisperings.
• Sometimes our isolation is self-imposed.  We may have set up walls or hidden away for one reason or another.  The good news is that we hold the key to setting ourselves free!
• We too often suffer silently while others are oh so willing to extend a hand, offer a hug, sit and simply listen, or allow you to delegate a piece of the work to them. 
• No one needs fixing, saving, or advising!  They may need a sounding board.  They may need to hear themselves talk something through.  They might even ask for suggestions, but most often when given space and time, they are able to tap into their own guidance and wisdom and find the ideas and answers that suit them. 
• Challenging our assumptions and beliefs is a valuable and worthwhile exercise.   When we think we know for certain, it is worth pausing and asking, “Am I sure that this is true?”  Particularly when what we are thinking is that we are unwelcome, unworthy, undeserving, unacceptable, or un-anything… 
• When we show up and get out of our own way, beautiful things can happen!
• Listen more than you talk.  Give your attention… and speak when your heart compels you to (there’s usually something that someone needs to hear when we come from this place). 

 
   I’m reading a great book now called More Time to Think by Nancy Kline, and in it she clarifies             “Listening to reply is (very) different than listening to ignite.”  Oh yes!  Listen… take in this being         who’s sharing with you.  Listen with your whole being.  Listen without waiting to add your thoughts,     and when you are inspired to respond (from that heart-centered place), do so in a way that inspires     something within them! 

• From Cathy Dasson, yoga teacher and yoga therapist extraordinaire (who offered this beautiful yoga nidra a few weeks ago): “Do what you need.  Nothing more.  Effortless effort.  You’re amazing when you soften!” 
• And, declare out loud and preferable with joyful dance, I AM HERE!  (Thank you, Pink, for this amazing song!  We had a lot of fun letting ourselves break free with it this weekend!). 
• Let delight enter your days!  Embrace who you were born to be while you let go of the ideas of who you’ve imagined yourself to be, and claim the life you are here to live!
• Legacy can be thought of as simply asking how you want people to feel for having known you or been in your presence.  What do you hope they will say about you when you’re gone?  What core qualities do you want to spread?  These can be your North Star that guides everything you do, from work to friendships to family relationships.  These qualities are the magic recipe that make up you!  They are irreplicable for there is only one you walking this earth at this time. 

So, that’s a bit of what I’ve learned this past week!  You most certainly don’t need my permission, but I’m going to offer it anyway in hopes that it will encourage you to find your own “permission granted” statements.  Permission granted to let others help you carry your burden or struggle.  Permission granted to ask for and receive support (I promise you it gets easier as you do it more often, even if it’s wickedly uncomfortable at first!  It sure was for me!!).  Permission granted to acknowledge your needs, your longings, your desires, wishes, and hopes, and to ask for what YOU need!  Permission granted to be you!!

What resonates with you?  What would you question, disagree with or push back on? 

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