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G is for Good Enough

4/8/2022

6 Comments

 
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​So, let me preface this post by telling you I was raised by a man who taught me never to settle.  If I got an A, it was “Why wasn’t it an A+?”  I truly think he believed something horrible would happen if we let down, relaxed, or didn’t push ourselves as hard as we could.  The conditioning runs deep.  It felt like nothing would ever be good enough. 

Operating from this viewpoint can lead us to live in a way that isn’t sustainable and is very rarely satisfying.  You always feel like there’s something more to achieve or prove.  You keep raising the bar on yourself, not even pausing long enough to notice what you have accomplished.   Always striving, driving, and pushing… 

To get to a point of adulthood and realizing that I get to decide what’s good enough has taken some work! 

I remember hearing “Good is good enough” in 2014 at my first women’s retreat with Renee Trudeau.  It caused me to pause.  What does that even mean?  I see the freedom from perfectionism it offers, but how do you get to a place of peace within yourself?  How do you define for yourself what IS good?  And, how do you really know if it is enough? 

As a young married woman and mom, I was often embarrassed to have people come into the house because it wasn’t clean enough or decorated well enough or picked up enough, and so I didn’t invite people over unless they were already good friends.  I couldn’t meet the idealized standard that I had set for myself and so I just denied myself company, fearing judgment that would likely not have been as harsh as my own. 

I judged myself critically in parenting and work – always looking toward some invisible, undefinable, and probably unachievable objective.  Until at some point in the past few years I stopped doing that (as much). I'm a work in progress and often need other people to help me see how hard I am on myself. 

In her book, The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate, and Re-Balance Your Life, Renee Trudeau has an entire chapter devoted to this idea that “Good is Good Enough!”  (By the way, where was this book when I was a young mother??  I didn’t find it or her until I was almost 50!  Could have used a healthy dose of that much earlier in my parenting!).  In this section, Renee says, “Part of being able to relax into a mentality of ‘good is good enough’ is understanding where your priorities lie.  We have a finite amount of energy to devote to what’s really important to us.”  So true! 

As you look at your own life, are you allocating your energy according to what’s most important to you or are there things that are taking your time, resources, and energy that really don’t deserve it?  It’s worth a moment to take an honest assessment and see what you notice.  Then adjust as necessary.  If relationships are a top value but most of your time is spent on cleaning or work, where might you change things up?

Where in your life would you like to play with the idea that “good is good enough” and allow yourself a little more grace?  Can you lower the bar for yourself instead of continually raising it? I've also learned that "done is better than perfect," which helps me to keep going with things like this challenge!

We are often our own harshest critics, demanding more than is reasonable from our human selves.  When you notice yourself treating yourself this way, can you bring in some self-compassion, gentleness, and kindness?  Permission to let go of striving for unattainable perfection!  Permission to stop pushing so hard and to relax and enjoy this one precious life (not that you need my permission!). 

Side note... I find it fascinating that when I first tried, this post wouldn't let me schedule it, but posted immediately.  Then I realized I had entered the date wrong! Hmmm... good is good enough, I guess.  😂

What do you think?  #AtoZChallenge – Question (Almost) Everything

6 Comments
Deborah Hamilton
4/8/2022 08:47:14 am

I loved this post. I shared Barb's sentiment about how helpful it would have been to have had Renee Trudeau when my children were growing up. But, I would not have been ready for this message. It has taken many years of living life with grown children to understand who I really am, I have learned that sweeping the floors and washing the dishes take a back seat to meditation and prayer. Doing the laundry and clearing the table are a distant second to sitting and holding my new great-granddaughter. All the while, the mantra rings true for me, "I am good enough".

Reply
Barb
4/8/2022 04:36:22 pm

What beautiful awareness and growth you reflect. I'm so glad to hear of your clear priorities and that the truth rings within you that you are good enough!

Reply
Afshan Shaik
4/8/2022 10:16:26 am

Am a new mother and may be this advice would help me as I always struggle with how much is too much or whatever I am doing is good or not. Great book suggestion . Thanks......good that u ended the post on a fun note :) a dash of fun is best

Dropping by from a to z http://afshan-shaik.blogspot.com/

Reply
Barb
4/8/2022 04:38:03 pm

Ah, my heart goes out to you, new mother! It's a time of so much wondering, and I do hope Renee's book can help bring you some peace of mind as you are gentle with yourself. Appreciate you reading and responding!

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Alice Gerard link
4/8/2022 08:45:58 pm

I have a long history of not feeling that I was good enough. And of being told that I was ugly, stupid, and all of the negative things. And of being rejected when others were getting married and having kids and getting their careers started. About two years ago, I realized that I didn't have to be good enough for other people, that I am enough just because I exist. And that is okay.

Reply
Barb
4/8/2022 08:49:41 pm

Ah, Alice, yes... you are good enough just because you exist. Sounds like some tough but beautiful growth you've gone through. Thanks for sharing.

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Barb Klein
Inspired Possibility
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