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Real Life, Reality, and Retreat

4/21/2022

10 Comments

 
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I often hear people say things like “back to reality…” or “back to real life” as if what they’re doing in that moment somehow isn’t real or doesn’t count. As if they’ve been enjoying “this,” whatever this is, too much, so it can’t possibly be real.  It’s been too relaxing, too peaceful, too gentle or loving. Too easy.  I hear it on retreat or on vacation or after a meditation.  And, in general it’s implied that real life seems to suck in comparison.

I often remind people on retreat, this is real too.  You are here, right now, and each one of us is real. This experience is happening.  On one retreat, our facilitator suggested that when we take the time to immerse ourselves more deeply in our meditation and writing practices, that we are more in touch with what’s real.  I think she’s right.  When we take the time to step away from the madness of the outside world and connect within, with our essential goodness, our wisdom, our guidance, that’s what’s real.  Not the many voices shouting at us or the steady stream of information bombarding us, but rather in that place where we have a chance, a hope of discerning for ourselves what resonates, what feels real. 

We seem to have this idea that real life is hard.  “Real life” is work, suffering, fighting, war, and pain.  And that anything other than that is somehow a dream or fantasy state.  No!  And, yes.  Real life does include all of the hard and painful things, and we can't turn a blind eye to them.  And, there's more... the hard and painful does not negate the beautiful and soft. Real life is so much more than an either/or proposition! We cannot know immense joy or deep love without also knowing profound sadness. 

Real life also includes quiet, stillness, beauty, and contemplation.  It includes time dedicated to fun or reflection.  Real life can be connecting with yourself and spending time on the things that deeply matter to you. Real life is falling over yourself, madly, deeply in love with another or laughing til the tears fly.  Real life is watching a baby sleep or holding your dying mother's hand.  

Real life doesn’t get much more real than the beauty of a forsythia coming into bloom, a hawk soaring across the blue sky, or the orange-pink canvas of the sun dipping below the horizon.  Nature exists beyond and in spite of our man-made constructs.

Some beautiful questions to ponder…
What if more of us realized and created real lives that were inspired, creative, peaceful, joyful, and loving?  What if kindness and gentleness were the values that ruled “real life?” What if that were enough?  What if that were more than enough and these qualities rippled out far and wide?

What if we dispelled the myth that real life sucks, is a heavy burden to be endured, and showed up to contribute to a better life?  What if we realized that together we are creating the real life that we experience and that how we show up matters? That our actions matter? That our choices matter?  Maybe then we could actually come together to work on things that need our loving care – things like the climate crisis, social injustice, the opioid epidemic, homelessness, and poverty. 

I guess we also need to remember that each one of us lives our own version of reality, influenced by the very tiny lens and unique filter through which we see and experience what’s going on. Know that each of us has been informed by our parents, our experiences, and our teachers.  We each have biases that drive our beliefs and behaviors. Maybe then we could get curious and genuinely desire to know what’s going on in your version of reality.  We could ask one another engaging questions, seeking clarity, seeking to understand, not necessarily to change our minds or views, but willing to do so.  We could listen.  Really listen – not to respond, but to hear, to consider, to wonder. 


Life is messy.  Human is messy.  And, real life encompasses it all. If I might invite in another R idea... may we have reverence for the complexity of it all.   
​
What do you think?  Maybe I got swept away by yesterday’s post about Questions, but I can’t help but feel the possibility that wondering opens up.  The freedom that comes when we unbury ourselves from the heaviness that we have believed “real life” to be.  What thoughts do you have about reality, real life, and retreat?  Thanks for considering today's #AtoZChallenge reflection! 

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10 Comments
Afshan Shaik
4/21/2022 07:21:30 am

Good to see the emphasis that is laid on the fact that real life can also be real and good things can happen even in real life....but then when mostly tragedies are happening around it's tough to feel that . May be questioning, discussing the actual real issues would help - like u said. May b then we can embrace reality and not just escape it.

Dropping by from a to z <a href= "http://afshan-shaik.blogspot.com/">"The Pensive" </a>

Reply
Barb
4/24/2022 01:37:37 pm

Embracing reality - all of it... such rich opportunity in that! And, yes, the tragedies can certainly overwhelm us, understandably... so I find it especially important to remember that they're not everything. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!

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Tamara link
4/21/2022 09:27:29 am

You're right, everyone's reality is different, and for some it's pretty darn hard. They take care of sick loved ones, deal with debt, unemployment and addiction,...
So it's kind of ironic that the more privileged people who can afford traveling and retreats, feel it's so hard to return to everyday life.
I guess it's all a matter of perception.
I try to spice up my daily grind with little things I enjoy: music, checking in with a friend, coffee, looking at the blue sky, admiring spring blooms.

Reply
Barb
4/24/2022 01:39:09 pm

I appreciate your reflection, Tamara. There is such a mix available to us always, even in the hardest and most mundane times. Thanks for sharing your ideas of ways to spice up the "daily grind."

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Ronel Janse van Vuuren link
4/21/2022 03:29:47 pm

Without the darkness, there'd be no appreciation for the light :-)

Ronel visiting for the A-Z Challenge <a href="https://www.ronelthemythmaker.com/my-languishing-tbr-r-atozchallenge2022-books/">My Languishing TBR: R</a>

Reply
Barb
4/24/2022 01:39:38 pm

'tis true, Ronel! Thanks for sharing!

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damyantiwrites link
4/22/2022 11:41:26 pm

I love this post :) What a beautiful reminder of how little things also matter. Happiness matters.

Reply
Barb
4/24/2022 01:40:20 pm

Oh, thank you! I am glad you enjoyed it! And, yes, happiness certainly matters! Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!

Reply
Alice Gerard link
4/23/2022 01:21:47 am

This post is wonderful. Thank you for reminding me that the times when I walk in the woods or experience a peaceful retreat are just as real as when I'm at work or when I'm watching or reading about the horrifying news of the day.

Reply
Barb
4/24/2022 01:41:11 pm

Ah, Alice, you are so welcome. Thank you for reading and taking it in! I write about what I need to remember myself... glad we could share this remembering!

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    About me...

    I am a writer, coach, and teacher, and I love capturing life's many moments through writing, whether that be journalling, blogging, poetry, or essay.  I have always found the written word as a natural way for me to express what lies within.  

    This is the space where we get real.  I will write about my life experiences and things that I find my clients encounter in their daily lives.   

    What's real for you? What would you like me to write about?  Feel free to share with me topics you would like to see discussed and please join in the dialogue through the comment section. Your engagement makes the blog a much richer place to hang out!

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Barb Klein
Inspired Possibility
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