Me with my birthday "sandcastle!" It's been 3 months since I've written, and I want to share with you the way delight has woven its way into these months, sidling up to ever-present grief. These last 3 months have held it all – deep grief as we marked the one-year anniversary of Nate’s passing and entered year 2, periods of drawing inward, withdrawing from people, earnest reflection on this life, and also moments of inspiration and joy. I want to revisit one particularly fun weekend from way back in early March – for you and for me. To remember that I know how to have fun and maybe spark some ideas in you. This was exactly the gift my husband, Tom, gave me for my 60th birthday! Discovering delight, finding fun, and remembering that fun and delight live within me right along with grief and heartache. One does not cancel out, minimize, or replace the other. They are all part of me. Part of our human experience.
What did he do, you might ask? What did he give you? Well, what he did was let me enter the day in my own way. I took a solo walk to the beach at sunrise, which I wrote about in my last blog, Answering the Call, following the magnetic pull I felt to begin my new decade with the sun.
Later that morning, he presented me with Card #1. In it was a color pencil sketched-out map on a piece of graph paper torn from his notebook. Inside its ragged edges was a rough rendering of Hilton Head with 13 activities that I could choose from – things like pastry and chai at the local bakery, make a sandcastle, go into the ocean up to my knees, and pick up my mail at the post office wearing the ginormous silver cone birthday hat he’d bought me. Each one had its own point value, and after I accumulated 50 points, I would get my first gift (and Card #2). Each activity was something he knew I would love - something that would bring me peace or joy. My heart smiled as I took in just how well this man knows me and how deeply he loves me. The quest for delight began! 😊 I’m glad to say that over the course of the weekend, I earned all my points and we had so much fun. He even got me a blow-up unicorn and lots of birthday decorations scattered throughout the condo.
In May we headed to Colorado with a couple of our music-loving buddies, and over lunch at a sweet vegetarian café on Pearl Street in Boulder, I remarked to Tom how surprised I am that we have as much delight in our life as we do. It’s surprising because we also feel the depth of pain that comes with Nate’s physical absence in our lives every single day. As we miss him, we find great delight in the signs we know our son sends us in clouds, bunnies, birds, butterflies, owls, and music. We feel him with us even as we yearn for one more hug, one more talk, one more chance. Delight is a funny thing – its energy light and twinkling, surprising with its little tickles.
Mostly I delight in simple things:
I’d love to hear from you:
What did he do, you might ask? What did he give you? Well, what he did was let me enter the day in my own way. I took a solo walk to the beach at sunrise, which I wrote about in my last blog, Answering the Call, following the magnetic pull I felt to begin my new decade with the sun.
Later that morning, he presented me with Card #1. In it was a color pencil sketched-out map on a piece of graph paper torn from his notebook. Inside its ragged edges was a rough rendering of Hilton Head with 13 activities that I could choose from – things like pastry and chai at the local bakery, make a sandcastle, go into the ocean up to my knees, and pick up my mail at the post office wearing the ginormous silver cone birthday hat he’d bought me. Each one had its own point value, and after I accumulated 50 points, I would get my first gift (and Card #2). Each activity was something he knew I would love - something that would bring me peace or joy. My heart smiled as I took in just how well this man knows me and how deeply he loves me. The quest for delight began! 😊 I’m glad to say that over the course of the weekend, I earned all my points and we had so much fun. He even got me a blow-up unicorn and lots of birthday decorations scattered throughout the condo.
In May we headed to Colorado with a couple of our music-loving buddies, and over lunch at a sweet vegetarian café on Pearl Street in Boulder, I remarked to Tom how surprised I am that we have as much delight in our life as we do. It’s surprising because we also feel the depth of pain that comes with Nate’s physical absence in our lives every single day. As we miss him, we find great delight in the signs we know our son sends us in clouds, bunnies, birds, butterflies, owls, and music. We feel him with us even as we yearn for one more hug, one more talk, one more chance. Delight is a funny thing – its energy light and twinkling, surprising with its little tickles.
Mostly I delight in simple things:
- Being hooked by a beautiful sunset or shimmering full moon which take my breath away, but also the sweetness of a baby crescent new moon
- Going through all my drawers and closets and putting together a giant bag or more of clothes I've loved but no longer wear to pass along in hopes they bring delight to someone else
- Standing barefoot in the sun kissed, dew-dampened grass feeling my connection to earth
- Watching a dancing flame of a candle or campfire
- Cooking up some yummy food from the fresh produce from a farmers market or produce stand
- Closing my eyes, slowing my breath, and soaking in the sun that warms my face
- Going for a spontaneous movie or dinner date with Tom – spontaneity is definitely a factor in delight!
- Diving into rich, deep conversation with another person who’s willing to dive right in with me, sharing layers of life, dreams, pains, and joys
- Feeling the angel artwork in the clouds calling me as I stop to take it in, allowing images to be revealed, imagining their delight at splashing these gifts out for us
- Catching beauty every single day indoors and out – colors, textures, life
- Watching 2 sweet brown bunnies hop and romp in the yard or the comings and goings of cardinals, finches, mourning doves at the feeders
- Homemade potato salad that reminds me of mom
- Fairy hair – colorful strands of rainbow, copper, and mermaid blue tinsel threaded into my hair! A magical playful addition I discovered in a little gift shop called Bliss!
- Dancing around the kitchen barefoot, ignoring the dirty dishes till later, as I sing loud, hoot, holler, wave, and stomp, freeing my body and voice, letting this movement bring me into this day
- Receiving an unexpected phone call or card from a friend (or unexpectedly calling or sending a card to a friend)
- Listening to and feeling my heart be moved by live music, especially outdoors in a beautiful place
- Hearing the heart-opening stories of joy of someone who’s offered the gift of kindness to a stranger, feeling the depth of these soul connections
I’d love to hear from you:
- What are ways you create or find delight in your days?
- Where do you find wonder, beauty, and awe?
An Invitation so Share Delight:
Want a chance to help create delight in someone else's life? Someone too many people look away from or don't even see?
Join me in creating 142 CompassioNate Care Bags to be handed out in the Rochester, NY area this summer in loving memory and honor of my son, Nate's 31st birthday. Each colorful string bag holds necessities and niceties along with links to local resources. The bags are handed out by volunteers - people in our community who look for the chance to turn toward a fellow human and offer some love and compassion. The stories I've heard from these encounters are heart-warming, and definitely a source of delight for both giver and recipient. The ripple of love flows outward.
If you'd like to join this mission of compassion and kindness, here's what you can do:
It’s my hope that we can expand our reach beyond the organizations that already serve these folks who struggle with homelessness. It’s also my hope that more hearts will open and may be a beacon of love and hope in dark times. Maybe we’ll even help save a life. I know we’ve saved at least one.
Also, please share this post to expand our circle of possibility if you feel inspired to do so!! We all know someone touched by substance use or mental health and this is what often leads to housing and food insecurity. Help me invite more people to turn toward our fellow humans in their most vulnerable times.
I’m just a mom trying to spread some love, kindness, compassion, and care, so there is no tax benefit to supporting our cause. However, I promise the heart expansion you’ll feel by joining me will be like the Grinch’s heart… growing 3x in one moment!! ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you!
Want a chance to help create delight in someone else's life? Someone too many people look away from or don't even see?
Join me in creating 142 CompassioNate Care Bags to be handed out in the Rochester, NY area this summer in loving memory and honor of my son, Nate's 31st birthday. Each colorful string bag holds necessities and niceties along with links to local resources. The bags are handed out by volunteers - people in our community who look for the chance to turn toward a fellow human and offer some love and compassion. The stories I've heard from these encounters are heart-warming, and definitely a source of delight for both giver and recipient. The ripple of love flows outward.
If you'd like to join this mission of compassion and kindness, here's what you can do:
- 👍Order items to arrive by 6/22 from the wishlist that will be shipped directly to me: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3CDA1IVBB8BMB...
- 💕 Write simple notes of encouragement or care (messages like “You matter” or “Keep going!” Or whatever comes to your heart) signed with your name or simply as “a friend “ or “someone who cares.” Get artsy! Get the kids involved! All I ask is that you mail them to me at PO Box 612, Livonia, NY 14487 to arrive by 6/22 for them to be included in our bags.
- 😊 Volunteer to take some bags to carry with you and hand out when you see people in need - email me if you’re interested in meeting this need and we’ll coordinate picking up bags
- 💰 Cash donations will be used to stock and supplement the bags with beneficial niceties and necessities - email me for my Venmo or mail checks directly to me at PO Box 612, Livonia, NY 14487
It’s my hope that we can expand our reach beyond the organizations that already serve these folks who struggle with homelessness. It’s also my hope that more hearts will open and may be a beacon of love and hope in dark times. Maybe we’ll even help save a life. I know we’ve saved at least one.
Also, please share this post to expand our circle of possibility if you feel inspired to do so!! We all know someone touched by substance use or mental health and this is what often leads to housing and food insecurity. Help me invite more people to turn toward our fellow humans in their most vulnerable times.
I’m just a mom trying to spread some love, kindness, compassion, and care, so there is no tax benefit to supporting our cause. However, I promise the heart expansion you’ll feel by joining me will be like the Grinch’s heart… growing 3x in one moment!! ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you!
Some of the CompassioNate Care Bags we put together in March!
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