Photo Credit: Renee Veniskey, Immagine Photography I'm grateful to have reconnected with one of my most favorite self-care practices this week - the practice of being with myself “in this moment…” When (and “when” is the key!) I can remember this and take the time to sit with this awareness, I can bring myself some calm, some peace, some grounding into this body, this breath. I can quiet my very busy and tricky mind. I can soothe the worry, which, no matter how ineffective it is, I often can't stop. I can remind myself of who's here with me, where I am, and that I don't want to miss this moment for fear of the future or by swimming in the past too much.
I have found that in the spaciousness of that moment when I think I'm ready to fall asleep, my mind isn't always on board. It often starts creating a plan, fixating on an upcoming conversation, writing a letter, or imagining all the ways things could go wrong 6 months down the road. It doesn't have nearly enough information, so it gets busy anticipating worse case scenarios. My mind knows me well, so it knows my blind spots and ambushes me with them! However, it forgets my strengths and skills - it forgets all the work I've done and the practices I've established to help me stay present, healthy, and mentally sound. It forgets that I am not the same person I was in the past, and that I'm stepping into what's next with more resources and supports. When my mind forgets and sweeps me away, I too easily get caught up in it.
The tricky thing is when we're not at the top of our game due to stress, overwhelm, or grief, it can be hard to remember that we have ways to bring ourselves back to ground. It is so easy to forget what we know and so hard to tap into our practices!
The other night I found myself in this place where my mind was kicking into its spin cycle. I started with my breath, saying to myself “Sleep” on the inhale and “Now” on the exhale. That didn't really work, so instead I called in the awareness practice of “In this moment…” Silently naming what's true, what I am aware of here and now… “In this moment, I am lying here beside my husband (who is already asleep), listening to his breathing. Perhaps I can sync up with his rhythm to help me drift off. I am safe. I am warm. My bed is cozy. I am in this beautiful place...
"In this moment…there is nothing I can do about what's happening at our little house (though I do hope she's weathering this brutal winter ok). So let that go. There's nothing I can do for my son right now, and as far as I know he's safe in this moment. So let that go. There is nothing for me to figure out about future plans right now…So let that go. This breath. This moment. This body. Right here. Right now." Now I can pair my breath with the phrase, “Be here now (pause)…be here now…” and I can feel my body relax a bit as my breath deepens and slows. My mind begins to quiet as it focuses on the here and now, and all of me settles down enough to where sleep eventually comes.
I know that in order to have my best thoughts and access my most creative ideas, I need my rest! But, if I ruminate on that truth for too long, I can add stress by worrying that I'm not going to get enough sleep (which will undoubtedly assure that I won't!). See how this spin cycle is fed and fueled??
Today I had a yoga class that so beautifully brought me to myself - home to the reality of this body with this breath - that I almost wanted to cry for how grateful I was that I could reconnect so deeply with myself. So grateful that our teacher began the class with this beautiful reading by John Roedel (who is appearing everywhere in my world lately - just sent 2 books to my son and bought one for myself! I love the way he explores and sees the world!). Please check him out! He has a great Facebook page where he shares his writings.
my brain and
heart divorced
a decade ago
over who was
to blame about
how big of a mess
I have become
eventually,
they couldn't be
in the same room
with each other
now my head and heart
share custody of me
I stay with my brain
during the week
and my heart
gets me on weekends
they never speak to one another
- instead, they give me
the same note to pass
to each other every week
and their notes they
send to one another always
says the same thing:
"This is all your fault"
on Sundays
my heart complains
about how my
head has let me down
in the past
and on Wednesday
my head lists all
of the times my
heart has screwed
things up for me
in the future
they blame each
other for the
state of my life
there's been a lot
of yelling - and crying
so,
lately, I've been
spending a lot of
time with my gut
who serves as my
unofficial therapist
most nights, I sneak out of the
window in my ribcage
and slide down my spine
and collapse on my
gut's plush leather chair
that's always open for me
~ and I just sit sit sit sit
until the sun comes up
last evening,
my gut asked me
if I was having a hard
time being caught
between my heart
and my head
I nodded
I said I didn't know
if I could live with
either of them anymore
"my heart is always sad about
something that happened yesterday
while my head is always worried
about something that may happen tomorrow,"
I lamented
my gut squeezed my hand
"I just can't live with
my mistakes of the past
or my anxiety about the future,"
I sighed
my gut smiled and said:
"in that case,
you should
go stay with your
lungs for a while,"
I was confused
- the look on my face gave it away
"if you are exhausted about
your heart's obsession with
the fixed past and your mind's focus
on the uncertain future
your lungs are the perfect place for you
there is no yesterday in your lungs
there is no tomorrow there either
there is only now
there is only inhale
there is only exhale
there is only this moment
there is only breath
and in that breath
you can rest while your
heart and head work
their relationship out."
this morning,
while my brain
was busy reading
tea leaves
and while my
heart was staring
at old photographs
I packed a little
bag and walked
to the door of
my lungs
before I could even knock
she opened the door
with a smile and as
a gust of air embraced me
she said
"what took you so long?"
~ john roedel
link to post on facebook
To anyone who loves this author's words, he has written several books! Check out his website at https://www.johnroedel.com
Ahhh… this I know. And, the visuals of moving from one internal place to another and resting in the lungs with the breath, where this is no yesterday or tomorrow… this really helped me to find this place. What a welcome resting place. A beautiful respite that (if only briefly) interrupts the ruminating, plotting, scheming, obsessing, fretting, sadness and fear. The breath can hold me. The body is right here - no past or future for it either. I know this. And, I forget this regularly. When I remember and return, I am once again filled up, nourished, held.
I really am doing ok. It's also true that I have been really sad and scared lately. Learning to reach out for support and help (which is the topic of a whole other blog, I'm sure! Learning a lot more about this thing which I teach!). Deeply grateful for the people who've given me permission to call on them at any time and allowing myself to believe them.
So, next time you find yourself feeling out of sorts, getting caught up in the spin cycle of life, pause. Find yourself here. And talk yourself through the reality that “in this moment” is here. See if it offers you any sort of peace, comfort, or calm. And let me know.
Thoughts? Reflections? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below. Let's grow together in this practice of mindful presence.
Want more exploration into In This Moment, you can read the post I wrote 4 years ago almost to this date... apparently this is the time of year this concept comes alive strongly for me!
If you know others who are grieving, please share my blog. Invite them to subscribe if you enjoy my writing. Share my resource page with those who could use some free support. I have lots of resources specifically for grief as well living in tumultuous times, mindfulness, and living with substance use disorder.
This week I have two meditations to offer you! Try one or both and see what resonates with you. This Moment. This Breath. (19 min.) and In This Moment (8 ½ minutes) - both offer a chance to meet yourself where you are today and to create a sense of groundedness and presence. Meditation continues to strongly support me through my darkest times as it strengthens my ability to be with what is. It's why I stay with it and why I share it with you.
Please visit my library of meditations and choose what will support you day by day.
I have found that in the spaciousness of that moment when I think I'm ready to fall asleep, my mind isn't always on board. It often starts creating a plan, fixating on an upcoming conversation, writing a letter, or imagining all the ways things could go wrong 6 months down the road. It doesn't have nearly enough information, so it gets busy anticipating worse case scenarios. My mind knows me well, so it knows my blind spots and ambushes me with them! However, it forgets my strengths and skills - it forgets all the work I've done and the practices I've established to help me stay present, healthy, and mentally sound. It forgets that I am not the same person I was in the past, and that I'm stepping into what's next with more resources and supports. When my mind forgets and sweeps me away, I too easily get caught up in it.
The tricky thing is when we're not at the top of our game due to stress, overwhelm, or grief, it can be hard to remember that we have ways to bring ourselves back to ground. It is so easy to forget what we know and so hard to tap into our practices!
The other night I found myself in this place where my mind was kicking into its spin cycle. I started with my breath, saying to myself “Sleep” on the inhale and “Now” on the exhale. That didn't really work, so instead I called in the awareness practice of “In this moment…” Silently naming what's true, what I am aware of here and now… “In this moment, I am lying here beside my husband (who is already asleep), listening to his breathing. Perhaps I can sync up with his rhythm to help me drift off. I am safe. I am warm. My bed is cozy. I am in this beautiful place...
"In this moment…there is nothing I can do about what's happening at our little house (though I do hope she's weathering this brutal winter ok). So let that go. There's nothing I can do for my son right now, and as far as I know he's safe in this moment. So let that go. There is nothing for me to figure out about future plans right now…So let that go. This breath. This moment. This body. Right here. Right now." Now I can pair my breath with the phrase, “Be here now (pause)…be here now…” and I can feel my body relax a bit as my breath deepens and slows. My mind begins to quiet as it focuses on the here and now, and all of me settles down enough to where sleep eventually comes.
I know that in order to have my best thoughts and access my most creative ideas, I need my rest! But, if I ruminate on that truth for too long, I can add stress by worrying that I'm not going to get enough sleep (which will undoubtedly assure that I won't!). See how this spin cycle is fed and fueled??
Today I had a yoga class that so beautifully brought me to myself - home to the reality of this body with this breath - that I almost wanted to cry for how grateful I was that I could reconnect so deeply with myself. So grateful that our teacher began the class with this beautiful reading by John Roedel (who is appearing everywhere in my world lately - just sent 2 books to my son and bought one for myself! I love the way he explores and sees the world!). Please check him out! He has a great Facebook page where he shares his writings.
my brain and
heart divorced
a decade ago
over who was
to blame about
how big of a mess
I have become
eventually,
they couldn't be
in the same room
with each other
now my head and heart
share custody of me
I stay with my brain
during the week
and my heart
gets me on weekends
they never speak to one another
- instead, they give me
the same note to pass
to each other every week
and their notes they
send to one another always
says the same thing:
"This is all your fault"
on Sundays
my heart complains
about how my
head has let me down
in the past
and on Wednesday
my head lists all
of the times my
heart has screwed
things up for me
in the future
they blame each
other for the
state of my life
there's been a lot
of yelling - and crying
so,
lately, I've been
spending a lot of
time with my gut
who serves as my
unofficial therapist
most nights, I sneak out of the
window in my ribcage
and slide down my spine
and collapse on my
gut's plush leather chair
that's always open for me
~ and I just sit sit sit sit
until the sun comes up
last evening,
my gut asked me
if I was having a hard
time being caught
between my heart
and my head
I nodded
I said I didn't know
if I could live with
either of them anymore
"my heart is always sad about
something that happened yesterday
while my head is always worried
about something that may happen tomorrow,"
I lamented
my gut squeezed my hand
"I just can't live with
my mistakes of the past
or my anxiety about the future,"
I sighed
my gut smiled and said:
"in that case,
you should
go stay with your
lungs for a while,"
I was confused
- the look on my face gave it away
"if you are exhausted about
your heart's obsession with
the fixed past and your mind's focus
on the uncertain future
your lungs are the perfect place for you
there is no yesterday in your lungs
there is no tomorrow there either
there is only now
there is only inhale
there is only exhale
there is only this moment
there is only breath
and in that breath
you can rest while your
heart and head work
their relationship out."
this morning,
while my brain
was busy reading
tea leaves
and while my
heart was staring
at old photographs
I packed a little
bag and walked
to the door of
my lungs
before I could even knock
she opened the door
with a smile and as
a gust of air embraced me
she said
"what took you so long?"
~ john roedel
link to post on facebook
To anyone who loves this author's words, he has written several books! Check out his website at https://www.johnroedel.com
Ahhh… this I know. And, the visuals of moving from one internal place to another and resting in the lungs with the breath, where this is no yesterday or tomorrow… this really helped me to find this place. What a welcome resting place. A beautiful respite that (if only briefly) interrupts the ruminating, plotting, scheming, obsessing, fretting, sadness and fear. The breath can hold me. The body is right here - no past or future for it either. I know this. And, I forget this regularly. When I remember and return, I am once again filled up, nourished, held.
I really am doing ok. It's also true that I have been really sad and scared lately. Learning to reach out for support and help (which is the topic of a whole other blog, I'm sure! Learning a lot more about this thing which I teach!). Deeply grateful for the people who've given me permission to call on them at any time and allowing myself to believe them.
So, next time you find yourself feeling out of sorts, getting caught up in the spin cycle of life, pause. Find yourself here. And talk yourself through the reality that “in this moment” is here. See if it offers you any sort of peace, comfort, or calm. And let me know.
Thoughts? Reflections? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below. Let's grow together in this practice of mindful presence.
Want more exploration into In This Moment, you can read the post I wrote 4 years ago almost to this date... apparently this is the time of year this concept comes alive strongly for me!
If you know others who are grieving, please share my blog. Invite them to subscribe if you enjoy my writing. Share my resource page with those who could use some free support. I have lots of resources specifically for grief as well living in tumultuous times, mindfulness, and living with substance use disorder.
This week I have two meditations to offer you! Try one or both and see what resonates with you. This Moment. This Breath. (19 min.) and In This Moment (8 ½ minutes) - both offer a chance to meet yourself where you are today and to create a sense of groundedness and presence. Meditation continues to strongly support me through my darkest times as it strengthens my ability to be with what is. It's why I stay with it and why I share it with you.
Please visit my library of meditations and choose what will support you day by day.
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