Inspired Possibility Blog

Love, What Would You Have Me Know This Day?

5/24/2022

Heart in the Sky - Image by Vlad Ymyr from Pixabay

Thank you, Liz Gilbert, for this beautiful question (you can hear Liz talk about it on her recent podcast conversation with Glennon Doyle here).

I’ve added this question at the end of my journaling each morning. I write the question and I listen and write down the response I receive, simply allowing the words to flow through my pen. I LOVE this question because it gets me out of my head and into the energy of Love itself. An energy that we need to connect with more than ever. An energy that is being shouted over by voices of fear, hatred, and division. An energy that lives within each one of us, but may come through as more subtle or quiet.

Although Love also comes through fiercely at times – in the voice of a Mama Bear defending her child. Or a leader in social justice who just can’t take the hatred and division one more minute. In my own voice as I try to break through the prevailing messages about addiction and recovery.

As I’ve written this question for the past week, some themes have emerged in the responses that come through.

I am loved. Every message includes an explicit “I love you.”
I am not alone. Love says, “I am right here,” and “You do not have to figure all of this out!”
We’ve got this (whatever “this” is).
Breathe – lots and lots of messages to slow down and breathe.
Reassurance that I am held and encouragement to show up and live.

A couple of my favorite messages (though, really, I love them all!):

Day One - A message of surrender:

“Surrender…for all of it. Your health. Big life decisions. Your sons’ lives. The work you do with people. Surrender. Get out of the way. Let me in – let me work through you. Show up where you are called and as you feel called. Trust that you will be led. Surrender – save yourself the energy for where it is needed. Act when you get the nudges. Do your part, of course. But you don’t need to do my part or all the parts. You can trust the people to show up for their own lives. You, my dear, are not the benevolent knower of all things. You, my love, do not have anyone else’s answers. You’re off the hook. I love you. Rest easy.”

Day Two - A message of trust and leaning in in uncertain times. I needed to hear this. As I wrote last week in “No Pressure. Presence”, every time is an uncertain time. It feels extra uncertain these days with so much chaos, division, and devastation in the world:

“I’m right here. You are wrapped in so much love, even in the unknown time. Lean into me. Lean into your family of people who love you so very much. Let yourself be held and supported. And LIVE. Live with the urgency that comes from this day, from appreciating the life that’s right here, right now even when you don’t know what’s next. And, regardless of what’s next, believe in your body’s ability to heal – remember that. Trust it. Allow it. You get to write your story of this adventure. And, right now that means to just take life one day, one moment, at a time. None of us knows how long we have so don’t miss what’s right here… Live. Love. Honor and care for yourself, and don’t miss the beauty that is available even in the hard and scary times. You never know what’s possible. I love you.”

By taking the time for these short communications with Love, I am able to tap into a different energy from what I might find out there in the outside world. I am able to listen to the language of my heart and soul. I am reminded of things I already know deep down inside. My mind quiets a bit. My nervous system relaxes a bit. At least for a moment.

These moments build on one another and I expand my capacity to bring love out into the world. It softens me. It opens my heart. It emboldens me to speak out where in the past I might have stayed silent – to speak up where people are being harmed. To stand up for what I believe in. To strengthen and build relationships. I feel filled with courage and compassion.

Your Invitation:
I’d love for you to give it a try. Take a moment and ask, “Love, what would you have me know this day?” Ask it whenever you like - as a daily practice or when you're facing a challenge. When you're struggling or unsure. Ask. Listen. See what comes through.

Here's a meditation to support you. Love, What Would You Have Me Know This Day?

Share if you like – I do believe these messages are Universal ones meant to be heard by many.

How does it feel to take this time to connect with and listen to Love? How might this inquiry benefit you?

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No Pressure. Presence.

5/18/2022

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Right here, right now. This is the only moment I am guaranteed. So, how do I want to live it? Who do I want to be? How do I want to show up? What impact do I want to have on those around me and on some small piece of the world?

(It’s becoming clear why my theme for April’s A to Z Blog Challenge was Question (Almost) Everything! I do love questions and what they open up within us!)

Last week I wrote about Life, Death, and Rebirth as related to what I see happening in the world, particularly in this season of Spring. I wasn’t necessarily thinking about what happens within each one of us.

But, if we are alive, and we are to die (and we aren’t really certain about rebirth, though I have my ideas), how to make this moment, this day count is a powerful, compelling question to sit with. No pressure… simply presence. Awareness. Choice.

Every single one of us knows we will die – that this life will end. And, for whatever reason, we sometimes forget to live with that truth as a guiding light. We act as if we have forever – endless, limitless time.

Your Last Day

What would you do
if you learned you had
one day to live?
No second chance…
this was it.

What changes would you make?
Who would you connect with?
How would you spend your time?
What would you let go of?

Why do we act as if
we have an endless reservoir of time,
so we’ll get to it “some day?”

The truth is, none of us know
when we will leave this earth.
So, why do we wait?
Why are we so out of touch
or careless with our ways
and our days?

We all know we have
limited time here.
Why do we pretend otherwise?
Why wait to forgive,
and love,
and be our full, beautiful selves?

This is so basic
so simple,
so profound,
and so overlooked.

Not wanting to
think about death,
we fail to live
as if life really mattered.

Let’s wake up and begin today
to cherish the people,
the moments,
the perfect expressions of self.
And live as if today,
this moment,
was all we had.

©Barb Klein, 2016 from 111 Invitations: Step into the Full Richness of Life

We put things off or we wait for the big dream to come true before we can be happy. We wait til everything is “just right” before we get married, have a baby, move, or retire. We hesitate, feeling not ready until we take one more class, do one more edit, get one more certification. We fail to hit "send" on the manuscript. Sometimes we wait too long. I’ve seen people retire with grand dreams and die very soon after, before they have had a chance to do any of the things they put off.

So, how do we live while we’re here? One thing I learned from my beautiful vibrant friend, Mary Lally, is to “live your f’in life!” Thankfully, she had a doctor who gave her this advice, even when she was living with the uncertainty of advanced stage ovarian cancer in the time of Covid. She knew that this moment is the one we are guaranteed – take it. Show up for it. This is my intention, no matter what the future holds.

To live life doesn’t mean you have to do big or grand things. “Small” things count so much and may constitute the majority of our days.

How do I want to live this day? With love. With joy. With hope. Inviting in new beginnings and fresh possibilities. Open. Grateful. Present. One moment at a time. Letting "good enough" be good enough. No pressure. Just presence. Love. Love for myself, for the people I love, and for life itself, however long it may be.

How about you? How do you want to live this day? Please share. Please live. You matter.

Here’s a little musical invitation from the amazing Pink: The Last Song of Your Life.
And a meditation, if you like, with a reading of "A Mystery" from 111 Invitations - Presence.

Please consider this your invitation to live. Fully. Whatever that looks like and means to you.

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Life, Death, and Rebirth

5/10/2022

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This is the name of one of the Tai Chi moves we do in Tai Chi for Recovery, and it strikes me that this is what this season of Spring is all about.

Nature is making it abundantly clear that we are in a time of transition. Each of these elements: life, death, and rebirth are at play.

I see life in the trees and flowers budding and springing to life, in the baby ducklings scurrying to keep up with their mother as they somersault haphazardly off the bank, frantic to not be left behind. There is life in the call of the migrating loons on our lake – these visitors that are only here for a short while. The longer days with more sunshine and the skies filled with birds flitting busily about feel very much alive.

As trees and plants come to life, we can also see the ones that did not make it. The death and decayed material on the forest floor that now becomes the base of life for new growth.

Rebirth – the perennials and bulbs that miraculously burst through the ground after so many months of hibernation, resting, doing whatever magical things they do in the soil when the snow and grey days are here. The tiny lilacs, their buds the size of a tiny pearl, slowly becoming more vibrant, more open each day.

And I am reminded of these cycles that live within each one of us all the time. We are always in transition, whether we know it or not. Physically our bodies change every single day – as Wayne Dyer used to remind us, we are not the body we were at 6 months old, even though we are still the same person.

As we learn, grow, and evolve, our thoughts change. We find new ways. We unlearn old ones that are not helpful and maybe even harmful. We replace old, destructive habits with new healthy ones. We slip back. We begin again. Life, death, rebirth.

Bursts of inspiration and energy carry us toward possibility. Fear and doubt stop us in our tracks. Then we begin again, slowly gaining traction. Life, death, rebirth.

Dreams and ideas fall away as new ones come to light. Roles are abandoned or redefined. We step into a new sense of self, perhaps one that feels more aligned with who we are in this chapter of our life.

It seems in every group I participate in, people are talking about feeling “up in the air,” uncertain of the future. I sense a heightened awareness to the truth that we don’t know what lies ahead. We don’t know. Individually and collectively, we have no ability to see, with certainty, how our next move will play out down the line. For some at some times this brings fear and anxiety. We want to know. Our minds love to think they’re in charge and that if we craft just the right plan, then surely, we’ll be ok. We’ll be safe. Now we can go ahead. We forget that plans are destined to be changed.

Others are more comfortable with stepping out into risks, taking a chance, making the next move that feels like the next right or best step. We do what we can to set ourselves up for success. And, as we step into action, maybe we weigh pros and cons. We do the research, play out scenarios, try to prepare for all that could come up. (I certainly do that and have likely wasted a lot of time and energy in the past in this mental activity – somehow it makes me feel better. Gives me a false sense of security). Sometimes we simply take a leap of faith, trusting that if we don’t learn to fly, the net will appear.

On my last retreat I spoke about the sense that my heart just keeps breaking open. A friend asked what that looks like. The best answer I could give is that I’m filling with compassion to the extent that I can no longer tolerate things that are not Love. That I feel both a sense of urgency and also a call to slow down and savor. To pause and notice the teeny tiny buds, to listen to the birds, to not miss life’s unfolding. To really be present with a friend. To reach out and put everything else aside so that I can just listen and hear what’s going on in her heart. To stop telling my son what to do, but to get curious, ask, and give him space to open his heart to me. To share our thoughts, our feelings with a sense that what we’re up to is somehow very, very sacred.

And, also, urgency… I feel a pull to show up more and more authentically, to speak up, to speak out, to be part of the revolutionary work I am called to. To notice that there are more causes that need attention than I can even imagine, and if I try to take them all on, I will be completely burnt out and ineffective in everything I do. So, slowing down, asking within and getting clear on what causes I am here to serve. Howard Thurman’s words live in my heart:

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

The energy of these words pulses through my heart and veins. I can literally feel it calling me to life. Letting go of ideas I’ve had about who I was or what I should be doing – allowing them to die away so that I can be reborn into this new day. Aligning more and more with what Parker Palmer calls my “soul’s imperative…” That call which I cannot deny.

Can you feel this within yourself? This letting go or dying off of old things, old ways, as you step into new life with fresh energy, new possibility, new beginnings to be born anew as this next version of you?

When I witness people release a career that’s been bogging them down for decades and allow themselves to feel the excitement of a fresh possibility, as they allow their creative muse to take them to a dream that’s been hidden or a light that beckons, I can feel them coming to life! There is a tingling in the air when someone listens to the call of their heart or soul. When someone says “Yes!” to a dream they have no idea how to fulfill. When they simply take that first small step. Life in the making!

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Z is for Zebra!

4/30/2022

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So, I have to thank my friend, Kare, for today’s topic. I was struggling to come up with a word that I had questions about. Zany, was the original idea, but I kind of covered that in my X post about Excitement… and so, as people threw words at me (my sister, Carol, lobbied hard for Zucchini!), I searched for quotes.

Thanking Shel Silverstein for filling in with so many wonderful questions for today’s #AtoZChallenge! Here’s what he had to say:
“I asked the Zebra,
are you black with white stripes?
Or white with black stripes?
And the zebra asked me,
Are you good with bad habits?
Or are you bad with good habits?
Are you noisy with quiet times?
Or are you quiet with noisy times?
Are you happy with some sad days?
Or are you sad with some happy days?
Are you neat with some sloppy ways?
Or are you sloppy with some neat ways?
And on and on and on and on and on and on he went.
I’ll never ask a zebra about stripes...again.”
― Shel Silverstein

I think I’ll just leave you with that! If you’re anything like me, your head is spinning enough about these brilliant questions from the Zebra! Makes you wonder, doesn’t it? And, such a beautiful reminder of the amazing complexity that each of us is!

The A-to-Z Wrap-Up
With our search for answers, our unique bodies, bumps and bulges, facing change, contemplating what defines us, wondering if we’re enabling, following our hearts, allowing good to be good enough, reaching for hope, wondering if “it is what it is,” urging ourselves to “just do it!,” bringing in kindness and love questions, wondering about more, embracing neuro-diversity, finding ways to move beyond obsession, overwhelm, and into opening, planting seeds of practice and possibility, asking lots and lots of questions, reframing real life, leaning into our own idea of success, looking at truth and trust, stepping into the unknown and uncertainty that is life, feeling our vision, getting curious about our vows, loving our whims, claiming our wins, letting our excitement out, whether anyone tells us “you’ll be fine…” or not, and then running with the zebras and their many questions! Phew!

That’s the A-to-Z journey we’ve been on! Thanks SO very much to those who have ridden along this winding path with me! It’s been a blast!! And, I am deeply grateful to you!! Who knows? This might just get turned into a book!!

For now, signing off!! With a heart full of joy, gratitude, and inspiration!! 💖🌟

What’s alive within you right now?

Want to stay connected even now that the challenge is over? Subscribe here to receive my weekly newsletter and meditation! I'd love to welcome you into the community!

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"You'll Be Fine..." "You Don't Know That!"

4/29/2022

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Seven years ago, I was scheduled for a needle biopsy. I was scared, and we did not know what the results would show. I didn't care that this was a "routine procedure." I was grateful that not too many people hit me with “You’ll be fine,” because that would have really pissed me off! I was grateful there were people who listened and gave me space to be honest about my fear. It would have felt like a lie in some ways for anyone to say “you’ll be fine.” It would have felt dismissive. It’s a form of toxic positivity. A reflection of their discomfort with my discomfort.

Here's a bit from a post I wrote at the time, “I Know a Woman:” (Hint: I was this woman)
“Right now this woman is having a mini-wakeup call – a small awakening to what could be a new reality for her body. She is so very grateful for the doctor and the people in her life who take time to listen, but don’t venture to offer the false reassurance, “You’ll be fine.” Because we don’t know.  We don’t know what they’ll find. So, please, she asks, let her be in the space of uncertainty, the space of unknowing.

Right now she has a lot of questions.  Does she put her life on hold? Hold her breath till she knows? How does she lovingly support herself through this time? Who can she lean on for support? Who are the people who are really able to be there for her, rather than needing her to comfort and reassure them that she will be “fine;” that it’s “nothing?”

I trust she will be fine one way or the other simply because of her peace, her trust, and her faith that she is living her life as it comes. She will be “fine” because she will face what comes to her with courage, with love, and with the same belief in possibility that she usually has.  And, at times “fine” might include tears, anger, and fear.

…This woman enters these next few weeks of uncertainty wanting to be very real about it, and with as much grace, dignity, and ease as she can muster. She will welcome all of the many feelings and thoughts that may dance through her days.”

How often do we find ourselves not knowing what to say when someone is scared, angry, grieving, or lost? Blurting out things like “You’ll be fine. You’ll get through this. You’ve got this!” Maybe we say these things because we’re afraid too. Or we want to smother the person in comfort, to take away their fear or pain as quickly as possible. Or we want to cheerlead with a strong vote of confidence.

We mean well. We care. We are not bad or insensitive people, and we probably haven’t been taught how to be with uncomfortable emotions. We can do better. Because these messages can leave people feeling even more alone, misunderstood. Sometimes it’s better to do as my friend, Lori, says and take out the duct tape and zip it… just listen. Say nothing. Sometimes there are no words.

When someone you love is struggling or suffering, what would it be like to simply sit with them, allow them to feel what they’re feeling, let it be ok to admit that what’s coming is unknown and scary, and be uncomfortable together?

How do you want people to show up for you in these moments of uncertainty?

Brené Brown has a fantastic short video on Empathy. “Empathy fuels connection. Empathy is feeling with people,” she says. And she highlights what a gift it is when we don’t need to try to make things better.   I highly recommend you take a few minutes right now to watch it and then think about bringing this into your way of being. There are endless opportunities calling for empathy.

This is what the #AtoZChallenge has me wondering about today. What things have people said to you that you wish they hadn’t? What’s been helpful instead? What words or action fuel connection? Which ones leave you feeling more alone?

Want to read another blog about this? I think Kevin Thompson does a nice job in “You Don’t Know that I’ll Be Fine.”

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X is for Excitement (and other almost X words)

4/28/2022

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Today I am finding myself mostly sitting with lots of questions, and not so much to say… and I’m letting that be ok! The theme IS Question (Almost) Everything, after all! 😏

My question in this #AtoZchallenge is about excitement and it came to me when I was walking along the beach watching kids being kids! Why is it ok for kids to scream, jump, play, roughhouse and act all sorts of crazy but not for adults? How is it that somewhere along the way we learned that adults don’t do that – that we need to be refined, quiet, proper?

Did you learn this too? Or is it just me?

I’m working on letting my playful self free more often and not worrying as much, but this conditioning can be hard to unlearn. Something to notice and an opportunity for growth.

Why do we hold back our excitement in life, not daring to let it out or even feel it sometimes?

"To be more childlike, you don't have to give up being an adult. The fully integrated person is capable of being both an adult and a child simultaneously. Recapture the childlike feelings of wide-eyed excitement, spontaneous appreciation, cutting loose, and being full of awe and wonder at this magnificent universe." - Wayne Dyer

Thank you, Wayne! I have always appreciated the way you look at life and help me to find a fresh perspective!

Exploration – what thoughts and questions are you exploring these days? What new ways of being are you trying out? How is the energy of exploring different from “working on?”

Examine – Have any of the posts you’ve read in the A to Z challenge (here or elsewhere) raised any beliefs, ideas, or ways of thinking or being that you want to examine in your own life? What stands out to you?

And why don’t I have more to say about these topics??

Extra credit and appreciation for you if you take a minute to enrich our lives by sharing in the comments!

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Whims, What Ifs, and Wins

4/27/2022

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Whims
Oxford Languages defines a Whim as “a sudden desire or change of mind, especially one that is unusual or unexplained.” ("she bought it on a whim")

Reading that brings a sense of delight into my whole being and a smile to my face! For some I imagine it might bring a different reaction. However, as I reflect back on my life some of the very best things have happened “on a whim!”

When I first thought about writing about this word for today’s #AtoZChallenge, I had the sense that the word is considered to be light, airy, and maybe fanciful – something not to be taken too seriously or even dismissed. How does “whim” land for you?

I’ll share just a couple of my big life whims (which also land solidly in my “win” column as things that fill me with such joy):

1. Buying my first horse, Sport, a semi-wild 5-year-old, breathtakingly beautiful grey Arab, who was very far from the ideal first horse…and yet, I had to have him. I could feel it to my core – he excited me, he scared me, I had no idea how to work with him,he was too small and too excitable for the dressage showing I wanted to do. And yet… my heart and soul knew we were meant to be together.

At the time I was newly married. When I tried to do the logical thing of figuring out whether we could afford him, it was clear that we could not – there was $16 left before groceries. And yet…

I was 25. I had wanted a horse my entire life. My husband was on board, even though it made no logical sense. Somehow we found a way.

It was one of the best moves of my life, and I have zero regrets, even though this choice certainly contributed significantly to the pile of debt we had to work harder to get out from under over the years. You can see this beautiful creature and read our story in The Beauty of NOT being Logical! Whims are NOT logical!

2. Going alone to Australia for a 2-week writing cruise… I am not an adventurous solo traveler. When I could not find anyone to join me for this trip, I was ready to let it go. And yet (maybe these words are a sign of a whim!)… I could feel the longing, the desire, the need to go. I couldn’t satisfy logical answers about why or what I expected to get. I had never before agreed to share a tiny box-like room with a stranger, and I was scared to death.

And yet… I figured out how to make it happen. New Year’s Eve 2011 sent me off for one of the best adventures of my life. I met people who are still dear to me. I connected with myself and fed my writer dream (though I still have not written the book that was stirring in me at that time). Zero regrets.

I do many things “on a whim.” When I see retreats, programs, teachers, or groups, I often seem to know immediately whether this is a “yes” or a “no.” Often very big decisions happen on a whim, and in retrospect carry zero regret. It was on a whim that I applied for and got my last full-time job at a time when I had no thought of going back to work. Something inside of me knew the time was right to take this leap, even though I was largely unprepared!

I am grateful my husband shares this spontaneity – most of our moves have been out of the blue, on a whim, and sometimes right after we declared we were not moving. Actually, I met him on a whim – on a night I had sworn off men forever.

So, are whims fanciful moves of the airheaded? Or are they divine inspiration or soul guidance? I have no idea what the right answer is, but from my perspective they are most assuredly guidance, intuition, knowing, and they lead me to such beautiful richness!

What Ifs
Often times “what if’s” keep us stuck or paralyzed for fear of what might go wrong. What if it doesn’t work out? What if this was the wrong move? And, don’t get me wrong, these questions live within me even in most of my whims… the bigger the decision the louder the what if!

What if we should wait? What if that other program is better? What if our hearts aren’t big enough to love another child? See how analysis paralysis could set in? Waiting, worrying, looking for the perfect moment, wishing we could have certainty before making a move… we might never do anything!

The closer we get to the thing that’s most important to the soul, the scarier it can be! Some of my strongest anxiety has come in when things felt most right. So strange, but maybe the intensity rouses the part that wants to keep us safe… anything to prevent a big mistake!

And yet, what if we looked at our what if’s another way? What if we could connect with the wonder, awe, possibility? What if this actually works out? What if things are amazing? What if we dared to dream or hope? These what ifs can pull us forward, even into the scary unknown, riding on the wings of hope and desire!

Both sides of the what if are always available to us, because as we looked at in the recent post about Unknown and Uncertainty, no one can know with 100% certainty what the future holds. So, we always have to be willing to weigh the risks, consider the pros and cons, and feel into whether something is a yes or a no for us. With every excitement there is likely anxiety.

Wins
When I think about wins, they have nothing to do with material gain, beating someone else out for something, or even necessarily having anything wonderful to show the world. Sometimes I can’t prove a win to anyone. Sometimes the win has nothing to do with the outcome and everything to do with how I showed up along the way.

To me, a win brings a sense of contentment or fulfillment at a deep, deep level. A win is when I feel in integrity, in alignment with my soul’s imperative.

The whims I’ve shared here are all wins. I’m sure there are others that haven’t gone so well, and it’s a win that they’re not coming to mind right now.

How about you? What’s your relationship with whims, what ifs, and wins? Please share.

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Vision and Vows

4/26/2022

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Photo by Drew Beamer on Unsplash

As we look at V in the #AtoZChallenge, what comes up for me is vision and vows. Not the kind of vows you take when you get married or join a convent, necessarily but vows we may not even be aware we’ve taken.

Vision
Let’s start with vision. Are you a vision or a goal person? Or maybe you like both? Or neither?

I definitely fall in the vision camp, even though I’m a coach, and I know I’m supposed to love goals. Maybe there is a place for each, but more often than not, I find vision more expansive and goals more limiting.

To me a vision comes from the imagination, allowing yourself to dream and consider what might be possible. When I’m forming a vision, I’m considering how I want to feel. I may not have all of the details, but I give myself permission to paint a picture in my mind and feel in my heart what it is that I’m wanting. A vision is something I breathe into as I breathe life into it. It fills me, and I hold it. But, I don’t necessarily “work” at it. I conjure it, and I hold it in my heart. I put it out to the Universe, and I go about my business.

Of course, there are steps I have to take along the way. I can’t just sit on the couch eating bon bons and expect things to materialize, and yet, I’ve also found that it doesn’t necessarily take hard work to bring things into reality.

Real Life Example
I just came across a notebook I had been gifted in 2016 that had space for me to write down a mantra for the year, my top 5 values, a vision statement and a personal and professional mission statement. Then I could record various goals I had, stating why they were important to me, a projected completion date, and an action plan with lots of blocks for steps.

Here’s where I see a distinction between goal and vision. Stating the goal (or thing I desire in my life) and naming why it’s important to me feel like vision. Giving it a projected completion date is a blend of vision (I don’t know, but this seems realistic…) and goal (I will have it completed by ___). The action plan is where we name steps toward achieving that completion date.

The cool thing is as I look back at this book from 6 years ago, the very first goal I didn’t even remember naming at that time was to have a home on a lake. Why? “Because on the water is where I find my greatest peace, align with my spirit, and tap into my highest creativity.” I gave myself a projected date of 2021 – 5 years out. Why? Because the truth was, I thought this was a pipe dream. I wanted it, but I didn’t really think it would ever happen. I thought I was writing and boldly declaring something outlandish. We had NO desire to move again, I didn’t know if my husband was on board, and I didn’t think we could afford it.

So, even my vision was kind of wishy-washy, but I felt the call in my heart and soul, so I let myself put it down anyway.

My action steps (most which were never taken):
1. Begin a savings plan specifically for this goal,
2. Talk to my husband, Tom, to be sure he’s on board, and
3. Create a vision board to bring this dream into reality.

Why is this so cool?
1. Because within a short time I forgot I had even written it down,
2. Because I only took one of those action items (the only one I really needed to which was talk to Tom), and
3. Within a year we were getting our house ready to sell, and 3 months later we had closed on our lake home! “Goal” met 4 years earlier than my wild projection!

It was NOT the home I would have envisioned originally, but it’s a home that supports our life in a wonderful and affordable way. The beautiful thing about vision is there’s room for it to unfold, evolve, and emerge. Had I set a goal, we might not be in this place because I wouldn’t have found the home that checked all of the boxes I thought I wanted.

Which brings us to Vows…
I first considered vows in the way I now understand them when I was taking the Now What?® Coaching training with Laura Berman Fortgang back in 2013. We created a brief life history, and Laura invited us to notice any vows we may have made that were still driving our decisions and behaviors.

Vows sound like “I will NEVER be, do, feel…” They may have worked for a while, but because they are a reaction to the past, they may no longer serve us. They operate subconsciously, so until we take the time to see them, they may actually impede the life we want. When we can see and name them, we become free to choose – do I still want this force dictating my choices?

Some common vows:
“I will never be like my father.” “I will never be poor.” “I will show them! Prove what I’m made of!” “I will never be a statistic!” “I will be the best mom ever and my kids will be my everything!” “I will change the world!”

If there’s a vow that requires you to prove something, it may drive you to work harder, gather more degrees or credentials, and achieve beyond what you really want or need.

Vows may wear you down as you allow yourself to be silently and unknowingly driven by the past. And vows can get in the way of your vision.

If my vow had been “I will ONLY live in a house that’s ____ size on ____ lake and it will have X, Y, and Z” I’d probably still be back in my suburban home with my miserable neighbor, where I would have been very sad riding out the pandemic.

Maybe I wouldn’t have even let myself look at anything that didn’t fit predefined narrow parameters. There would have been no room to play with possibilities that eventually carried us across hundreds of miles to at least 5 different lakes, looking at homes of all sizes in all conditions. We would never have considered our current home.

Your turn:
What visions do you hold, personally and professionally?
Do you see any vows that are alive and well that might not be serving you very well?

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Unknown and Uncertainty

4/25/2022

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Sitting with these ideas for today’s #AtoZChallenge. We live in a world of uncertainty, and we are always stepping into the unknown, individually and collectively. Depending on what that unknown is can fill us with excitement or anxiety, hope or dread.

Sometimes it’s clear that we are in a state of transition – leaving a job or relationship, graduating college, getting married, moving across the country, having a baby… in these cases, we know we are leaving behind a familiar life to enter into a new one. What we don’t always see so readily is that we are always in transition. Our bodies, our reality, our relationships, minds and ideas are continually morphing and evolving.

Other people fill us with their fears, worries, or faith, which may or may not be helpful. Each of us is living in the unknown, uncertain of what’s to come. Most of us don’t like to admit or accept that. So, we do what we can to control, to create some level of imagined certainty.

We make decisions and choices, take actions trying to ensure the outcome we desire, unwilling to admit we can only take the next best step for the best chance of the things we hope for. There is freedom in accepting that truth.

The only things that are known or certain are those things that have already happened.

And, so, what keeps us going? Why do we continue to show up? I guess because the unknown also offers the possibility of things beyond our imagination. Our negativity bias causes us to focus on what could go wrong, but at the same time our spirit and soul call us to what could be wonderful or amazing.

Knowing is actually way less interesting than we admit. Who would watch a multi-hour sports event or movie if they knew how it was going to end? (Well, unless, like me, you’ve seen it before and you don’t remember or you don’t care because the story is so enthralling!).

We spend hours of worry about how our lives or our loved ones’ lives will go. We humans are fascinating! Playing this game of strategy and faith, effort and flow, making moves, taking chances, riding on hope. And, there it is again, that mighty force that some call weak.

Hope encourages us, supports us to say yes to the proposal, to take the stage, to leave the toxic relationship and head out on our own. To put down the drink or drug that has consistently brought comfort to see if there might be a better life without it. The hope that tomorrow will be a better day nudges us forward. Something has to push us, pull us to leave the known and risk the vast uncertainty of the unknown. To wake up and step into a new day and see where it takes you.

“When you walk to the edge of all the light you have and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, you must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for you to stand upon or you will be taught to fly.”
― Patrick Overton, The leaning tree

My favorite days are “Let’s see where the spirit takes us” days. Days with absolutely no plans, and where we let go of control, just checking in moment by moment to see what we’d like to do. What we want to eat? Is this a time to rest, read, or go for a walk? What adventure calls to our hearts? What might be fun? What would feel comforting and nourishing?

To find the ability to flow with it, gently, sweetly, one moment at a time. Not needing an agenda. Not needing to know. It can be uncomfortable, but it can also be wonderfully delightful when I pause and listen within, feel into the longing of my heart and soul, let go of the worry of wasted time.

This is where I sit right now. Is this a day to relax and write? To bake? To go to a movie? In the sweetness of no schedule, I don’t know. And, I am savoring the unknown. It gives me permission to decide, to choose, to see… These are my favorite days. The ones not dictated by meetings, classes, work, commitments, or appointments. They are a rare gift in a busy world. “Seizing” this day does not mean it has to be productive or anything other than what it is. It only asks me to show up and be with it, as it is, as it unfolds.

And, yet, feeling the uncertainty of our future, having just watched the memorial video of a young man gone too son, compels me to invite us all to live a life we will remember. To love openly, to care deeply, to hug our people, to capture memories, and make new ones. This life is so precious because of its uncertainty. We don’t have to strive to make things happen, but we don’t want to miss what’s here.

What grounds you as you find yourself swirling in the midst of uncertainty? What helps you stay steady as you step into the great unknown? What practices do you have that hold you most reliably when times are tough? For me, meditation, morning pages, yoga, getting outdoors in the beauty of nature bring me home, and connecting with those I love is critical.

What does it mean to you to live a life you will remember? What’s calling you? What feels most meaningful and important these days? Has that changed over the years? I know, for me, I have little desire to go back to how I used to be when I was much younger. And I do long to step into my next chapter from a place of purpose and joy.

A few recommendations and invitations for you:
Katrina Kenison writes beautifully about life and its various stages, looking at transitions and life changes. I have recently finished Magical Journey: An Apprenticeship in Contentment, a beautiful book for women in midlife, changing roles and relationships with growing children, finding themselves again after career and parenting change. I highly recommend this as well as The Gift of an Ordinary Day: A Mother’s Memoir of Letting Go. Both books and her blogs, which are beautiful and thought-provoking, call us to be present to the everyday moments as our lives and relationships grow, evolve, and become their next version.

Here are a couple of musical accompaniments for this life journey:
The Nights by Avicii – “Live a life you will remember!”
I Did It All by Vince Myers

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Truth, #Truthbombs, and Trust

4/23/2022

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If you’ve been following along in this #AtoZChallenge, Question (Almost) Everything, you likely have noticed a theme and a bias I hold for people finding their own answers, tapping their own wisdom, and learning to trust themselves as they lean into what is true for them.

There’s a troubling trend I’m seeing in social media these days. People are dropping #truthbombs everywhere. Because they’ve said it and hash tagged it, we need to get on board with whatever they’ve spewed onto the screen. Sometimes it’s even accompanied by a BAM! to really catch your attention. Usually these feel like a jolt to my mind and spirit.

I don’t know about you, but my first reaction is not usually to say, “Yeah… you’re right…” but rather a little skepticism and maybe even a little Who are you to tell me what’s true?

Truth is a rather subjective thing, isn’t it? Maybe not as subjective as some want us to believe these past few years, but still, it is in many cases something that we determine for ourselves.

What lands for us? Resonates with us? Stirs a sense of buzzing, aliveness, or goosebumps? I don’t know about you, but I feel it in my body when something resonates as right, true, or at least worthy of my consideration.

It doesn’t take some jazzed-up woman yelling in my face, throwing down the #truthbomb gauntlet!

So, for today, I invite you to revisit Answers, Questions or Follow Your Heart, if you’d like a little support in what it means to trust yourself, to find your own guidance, to determine your own path or choices. Honestly, I suspect some element of this theme is woven into most of the posts since it’s such a strong foundation of my core truth.

“Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own,
instead of someone else's.” - Billy Wilder

You are the expert in your life. You get to chart your own course. No one else can possibly know what’s best for you, and the more they tell you they do, the more discerning you want to become (that’s my #truthbomb! Trust yourself, first and foremost!).

How about you? How do you decide who to trust? What helps you to trust yourself, even when you feel lost and confused? What practices do you have that help you quiet down and listen within? Where do you create time and space in your life to be able to do so?

“Silence is the mother of truth.” - Benjamin Disraeli

Please share so that we can get some new ideas! Appreciate you being here, reading, and chiming in!