Blog Posts - Inspired Possibility

Do You Feel Free?

7/1/2019

I woke one morning last week clearly hearing this question in a woman’s voice in my head: “Barb, do you feel free?” It has stayed with me since then. It’s hung around because I’m not sure how to answer it. In many ways, yes, I absolutely feel very free. And then there are the ways I don’t… the ways I hold myself back and the reasons I do. The things I let stop me. The beliefs behind those decisions. The people I care about and what I think they need from me. Responsibilities, obligations, and commitments. Financial realities. Rules and laws.

What does “free” even mean? Apparently that’s a great question since Merriam-Webster has 15 definitions, many with their own sub-definitions… Take a look and see which ones you are curious about.

The one thing that helps me to feel free is to remember that I am always at choice -- as long as I am willing to accept the consequences of my choice. I don’t get to choose how other people behave, but I am not powerless about how I respond. I get to decide what my role will be, what words I will say and what actions I will take.

I don’t get to choose my feelings – they come in without warning quite naturally. But I do get to choose what I do with those emotions. How I respond, how much weight I give them, how long I stay with them.

I do have choice, even though I may not realize it in the moment.
Freedom to choose is paramount.
.
I think I’ll spare you further musings while I continue to ponder this question that is landing deep in my being and invite you to join me.

Do you feel free? What does “free” mean to you and how do you know if you are or aren’t? Where do you feel free? Where do you feel trapped or powerless? How might you bring in some more freedom to your days? Why is free important? What would life be like if you were free?

Here’s one of my favorite songs to accompany you as you explore.

Please, please share in the comments below. This feels like a rich conversation! I look forward to hearing your insights and thoughts.

Thanks for playing!

Yes or No?

6/8/2019

It’s not always easy to know where to direct our attention or spend our precious energy and time. We live in an abundant world of possibilities… which is great! Until it’s not…

I, for one, can easily overwhelm and over-commit myself to too many groups (easy to do these days given the easy access to so many online groups as well as in-person ones), too many programs (anyone else a victim to the bright, shiny object syndrome??), too many practices (I love to learn and I love things that enhance my life…what can I say?)… And then I find I have too many “things” for too few hours!

And so when I woke up finding myself feeling overwhelmed, weighed down, and uncertain where to even begin I noticed the familiar tendency to freeze and just not do anything at all… or to distract myself in brilliantly disguised ways, doing things that need to be done, but maybe not right now. Or by doing things that don’t need to get done at all! That social media rabbit hole is a favorite place for me to go at times like this. How about you? Where do you go when you don’t know where to begin?

In the past two weeks I’ve been to two workshops, and I’ve loved them both! They both involve practices that I would like to bring into my everyday life. And I’m just not sure where they are going to fit in. Something needs to give to open up space in my hours. I can feel the confinement of so many things bearing down on me. The things I want to do. The things I need to do. The things that are calling me. The things that are drawing me in. And the pressures of the places I think I should show up…

I started to sit down at my desk and just start something, and very quickly realized that I had no idea where to begin. That’s when it hit me that today my morning routine had gotten disrupted and I hadn’t yet meditated. This makes all the difference in the world for me, so I took myself to my seat and sat.

When you think you don't have time...
The irony is that the moments when I don’t think I have time, is exactly when I need to make the time for the practices that support and sustain me. Meditation is one for me. Taking the time to sit with myself, to be with my breath, quiets my mind and calms my nervous system, taking me out of the reactive mode to a clearer place of discernment. From there I really can begin taking on one thing at a time with a much clearer head. I can be more discerning. I can begin.

What works for you when you get overwhelmed? How do you decide what is a "yes, this is something I will do" rather than "no!" (at least not now). Please comment so that we can all take in some new ideas. Thanks! Here’s to wise discernment and a little less overwhelm!

This Too Shall Pass...

3/19/2019

What’s your reaction when you hear this message?

I’ve had very different responses, depending on my own state
of mind and what the current “this” is that I know will pass.

These words can bring comfort when I’m facing something difficult. But, they can also feel patronizing or dismissive if I’m deep
into nastiness and can’t even imagine seeing my way out!
Honestly, sometimes I just don’t want to hear it because I want
to wallow for a bit. Wallowing isn't necessarily bad.

The same message can also bring a sense of sadness when I’m
into something that I really am loving and I don’t want to ever
end. Who wants to have that dream vacation come to an end or
know that one day their time with the love of their life will come
to end?
(Check out “If We Were Vampires” by Jason Isbell if you want to have a good cry over this reality).

Nothing lasts forever.

But, in reality, these words speak the truth. Good news, bad news… nothing lasts forever! Even
if we want it to. We live in a temporary state of health and aliveness, and every now and then we
get those big reminders. Someone dies. Someone gets diagnosed. There’s a tragic
mass shooting. A house burns down. You get the idea…
And for a minute we recommit to the urgency of living our life full out!

And, then we forget and drift back into our old habits and ways, perhaps mindlessly going
through our days. Hours and days drift by and we don’t even know where they've gone or
what we've done.

Where there is breath there is possibility.

Where there is breath there is possibility. Where there is possibility there is hope. Where there
is hope there is life. How will you live yours?

What petty things can you let go of? Where can you find some surrender and acceptance?
What priorities deserve your attention?

If you were to embrace the idea that “this too shall pass” what would change for you?
Please share in the comments and let’s all step into this life, accepting this very real human truth
just a little bit more.

If you'd like to give yourself the gift of retreat to slow down in a space that fosters this type of
inner reflecgtion, please join me for one of my upcoming retreats. Our next opportunity is
this Saturday, March 23rd at the Mercy Spirituality Center in Rochester, NY - come and give
yourself A Time to Pause!

Where Can You Find More Joy?

1/28/2019

Holy cow! Life can feel so hard, overwhelming, and heavy at times! Everywhere we look there’s something to worry about, something going wrong, something to be bothered by. Heavy! Exhausting… and I’m tired of being so tired by all that’s heavy and what I label to be “wrong.”

So, I find myself wondering where can I find more joy and fun in my everyday life.   How can I bring in lightheartedness and playfulness, even when there are sad and challenging things happening in my own circle and in the world at large? How might I create more beauty and softness around me?

Honestly, I need to take some time to consciously reconnect with what brings me joy, what I find fun. I’ve gotten a little out of touch with the carefree little girl I once was – this part of me that is still here but has been pushed aside for too long. Can you feel your little one alive within you, just waiting to be remembered?

It feels like it’s time for a shake-up and time to at all aspects of my life. The old habitual “things” and ways aren’t doing it right now. It’s time to look at my daily practices. It’s time to look at how I spend my time and who I spend time with. It’s time to notice how I am showing up and asking what I’m bringing to the party. For sure, what I put out is what I will attract. Misery loves company. But I don’t want more misery. I want joy! I want fun! I want to laugh and play!

How are you doing with your joy?
How about you? How are you wanting to feel? What do you want to attract into your world? Is it time for a change? Maybe you, too, have gotten in a rut and feel ready to mix things up a bit.

What is it that brings you joy, delight, laughter, lightheartedness, and fun? Take a moment and find a quiet place to sit with this question and see what bubbles up for you.

How can you plan for a little of this each day? It’s great to have vacations, retreats, date nights, and these types of peak experiences, but let’s make it simpler… In this season of darkness, how can you bring some light and beauty into your home? In this time of worry, what gives you reason to hope? Can you tap into that? In a time of sadness, fear, or despair, where can you find a little joy?

What might be possible if you had a little more delight and a little more hope?

Please share with us the ways that you find and create joy, fun, playfulness in your life in the comments below so that we can get some new ideas that we might try when our own are getting a little stale!

Who are the Connectors in Your Life?

1/7/2019

In Daring Greatly, Brene Brown says, "Connection is why we are here; it gives purpose and meaning to our lives." I know this to be true.

Recently I’ve been reflecting on the amazing and wonderful people I have in my life… friends, business colleagues, healers, coaches, teachers, counselors, healers, and clients. Which caused me to think back even further. Who brought us together? At one moment there was something magical and mystical that happened and I became connected to these people!

Thankfully, we do not live in this world in isolation! Without these powerful connectors who somehow brought these people to me, who knows where I’d be? I am so very grateful for those moments of serendipity and synchronicities where bonds were formed and friendships made that might not otherwise ever come to be.

Like this magnificent Banyan tree, together we grow strong and remain deeply rooted and connected to one another. I intend to reach out and thank those people (the ones I can remember) who somehow brought me together with the people who matter so much in my world today.

I invite you to do the same! Who introduced you to your best friend or spouse? Who brought you your first client? Who told you about the most amazing massage therapist? Who shared the name of a person who could support you and your child? Take just a minute and give them a call, shoot them a text, or write them a note to let them know what a difference this has made in your life.

Gratitude! It’s a simple and under-utilized super power!

I am grateful for you and that somehow you found your way into this community.

If you are a mom who has been impacted by your son or daughter's addiction or other mental health condition who is longing for some connection with other moms who've been there too, please join us for a special renewal retreat this coming weekend! Starting the Year with Serenity begins on Friday and there are 2 spots left!

Goodbye 2018. Hello New Year!

12/26/2018

The new year is almost upon us – that magical time that comes once a year when the whole world seems to celebrate the turning of the calendar – this new beginning. A chance for a fresh start. And, while we know that every moment offers the chance for a fresh start, let’s ride this wave of collective energy and mindfully enter into 2019 with vision, intention, and hope.

Let’s look back on 2018 and carry its wisdom and strength with us as we distance ourselves from the things that wear us down, slow us down, or stop us from fully living our lives.

At this time of transition let’s reflect on the following questions. I invite you to try some journaling or free writing to allow the deep inner wisdom to emerge.

In the past year, what really made me feel alive? What stirred my passion? What lit my inner flame? What am I excited to remember?
What sorrows and losses did I experience this year?
What would I like to let go of as I step into 2019? Beliefs, stories, habits, people, things… ?
Who do I want to be in this new year? HOW do I want to be? Is there an energy or quality that I feel carrying me toward this year?
What do I hope to bring to life, to create, and to enjoy in 2019?
What am I no longer willing to do or be in 2019?
What is possible for me?

As you reflect on these questions, what supports do you want to put in place this year that will nourish and uplift you? Who would you like to have more time with? Less time with? Where are the places you long to go – places that fill your heart and soul? And, what else? What else arises for you as we gently say good-bye to 2018 and welcome ourselves into 2019 with love, compassion, curiosity, and tenderness?

Dear one, I wish for you all that you can imagine to be possible! And then some! Here’s to a sweet new year!!

If you are a mom who’s been impacted by your son’s or daughter’s addiction or other mental health conditions, I invite you to start the year with serenity. Join me and a small group of moms in Rochester, NY at the beautiful Mercy Spirituality Center January 11-13 as we take time to be nourished and nurtured, to connect with our inner wisdom and guidance, and gift ourselves with a foundation of self-care and self-compassion. Details and registration for Starting the Year with Serenity is here. Now through December 31st, save $50 off your registration by entering coupon code “holiday” simply for being part of this community. I would love for you to be part of this circle if this calls to you.

Relief or Resentment?

10/19/2018

As you think about saying "yes," to that decision, choice, or request, take a moment to pause and tune in. Listen to your heart and gut. Do you feel a sense of relief and peace of mind or does your body tighten up in resentment?

Does your heart open up or tighten?

These clues will help guide you to what's right for you, in this moment.

What if you didn't have to explain, defend or justify your decision to anyone else? Does that free you up to make the choice you're thinking you'd like to make?

What if you could let go of or re-frame the story of what kind of person you'd be if you made this choice? What's possible then?

Sending you love and best wishes as you move forward in a way that truly honors YOU!

What comes up for you as you consider this? Please join the conversation in the comments below.

Are You at War with Reality?

8/22/2018

Are you at war with reality? When I first heard this question, posed gently and sincerely by Tara Brach, it stopped me in my tracks. Was I? Are you kidding me?? Of course I was! Who wouldn’t be when they were facing what I was!? Righteous indignation set in. Absolutely, I’m at war with reality! And, I have every right to be! This isn’t what I signed up for!

And so it goes… from the mundane “I don’t want the days to be getting shorter…” to the deeper heartfelt plaintive wail “Nooooo!” that goes along with a life-changing diagnosis or the death of a loved one, there are so many moments when we don’t like what’s happening. We really can’t stand that this is our reality. We desperately want things to be different.

But, this is the way it is right now…

Signs you might be at war with reality

Wondering if you are at war with your reality?

If you find yourself thinking or saying anything like this, you might be at war with reality:
It shouldn’t be…
How did this happen? This isn’t how my kids were raised!
I can’t deal with this!
This person/company/country cannot be doing this…
NO! I refuse to believe it! (that one’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?)

What do you do now?

If you find yourself accepting that you are at war with reality (possibly and probably more often than you know), what do you do?

One of the key principles of mindfulness is to be with what is. Easier said than done, for sure. Yet, when we are able to do so, there is a softening, a tiny relaxing, a teeny sense of ease that sinks in simply because we have let go of resisting.

When we resist, we tighten in order to hold on to something or to brace ourselves against something, and in the tightening and bracing, our unhappiness, struggle, and suffering increases significantly. Not only is this thing going on, but now we’ve added an internal battle against it.

Being with what IS doesn’t mean we have to like it. It simply means that we need to accept that it is indeed here in this moment. From that place, we are able to sit with it, see how it lands in us, and then be in a place where we can more consciously ask the question, “OK, this is happening. Now what?”

I’m not asking you to deny your resistance or denial – that would only complicate things further. Be with your feelings of sadness, anger, fear, or grief. Be with them as long and as often as they arise. That is absolutely part of the practice of being with what’s real. You’re feeling this way – give yourself the space and compassion to be exactly where you are in this moment.

Then lay down the sword that’s fighting whatever has caused you so much angst and lean into your experience. When you face it head on, with the acceptance that it’s here, you are much better prepared for what will come next.

The Practice of RAIN

The mindfulness practice of RAIN: Recognizing, Allowing, Investigating and Nurturing is one I’ve found to be super helpful when facing hard times. Depending on your situation, this might be a very quick practice that yields some comfort right away, or it might require a longer chunk of time or even many rounds to really find any relief.

We are not looking for a quick fix – life doesn’t work that way. We are looking for a practice that will support you as you face the challenges that life inevitably and continually throws our way.

Recognize what is happening and what you’re feeling – “My child just betrayed me. I’m pissed!”

Allow it to be here, just as it is – rather than pushing it away and wishing it weren’t so, make room for the anger, and recognize that your heart truly is able to hold it all.

Investigate – with kindness and curiosity, not mentally, but in your body – where does this anger land? How does it feel? “Ah, my jaw is clenched. My stomach is in a knot. I’m barely breathing.”

Nurture – bring loving compassion to yourself. What do you need in this moment? How can you care for yourself in this state of anger? What kind of loving support do you want right now?

After the RAIN, simply soak it in… allow it to nourish you to your roots. Then, just like plants and flowers do after a real rain, you are able to open up and blossom once again.

Simply by allowing yourself to have the reaction you’re having, taking the time to be with yourself and notice and name what’s going on, to inquire how you might care for yourself or ask for the support you need, you’ve already loosened its grip on you. You’ve given yourself a chance to step into some practices that might actually nurture, nourish, and support you to face this thing that is causing so much despair.

It’s a Practice

Like so many things, it’s a practice. A practice of being aware and being with. Practices ask us to repeat them over and over. Practices allow us to forget them and then to remember, over and over again. A practice isn’t something you do once and check it off of your list.

For more about RAIN, I recommend checking out Tara Brach’s resources here. She has a number of talks, writings, and meditations to deepen into this beautiful self-compassion practice.

Because, when we are at war with reality, we are certainly not being kind or gentle to ourselves. We are struggling within our own experience, and we suffer from this fight.

May today you greet yourself with loving kindness. May you find peace. May you allow your experience to be just as it is. May you live with ease.

Wishing you so much goodness.

I’d love to hear how this lands with you and please share your experiences both of resisting and of allowing. What are your signals that you’re at war with reality and what’s worked to support you in moving through these times?
Please join the conversation below.

Celebrating Possibility

7/29/2018

I’ve never considered myself a particularly big risk taker, but as I reflect back on my life, I recognize that there have been plenty of chances taken along the way. Since we can never really know how things will turn out, many possibilities require some degree of courage for us to step into them.

With that said, there are some decisions that feel riskier than others. Those moments when we’re trying something we really aren't sure we can do, taking a chance on our biggest dream, or putting our hearts out there on the line. The times when it would just be easier to go on steadily doing what we’ve always done, what we know works, what feels comfortable…

As I remember moments when I did take a chance, I can feel a huge smile throughout my whole being that tells me these times in my life are a big deal! There is something enticing, magical, rewarding (and scary) about stretching beyond what’s comfortable or known to go for something you really want.

Two years ago today I had one of my biggest, most joyful OMG moments! I was in Taos when I had received a voicemail from my publisher saying, “I have good news about your book…” Since I had just submitted my final approvals a few days earlier I presumed it was moving forward. No surprise there. I’d call him on Monday when I was back home.

But no… that night in the Albuquerque hotel I receive a text from a dear friend: “Your book is ON Amazon! I just ordered it - it’ll be here Tuesday!” What?? I hadn’t even held a copy in my own hands yet! Are you kidding me? Let me tell you, there is something very bizarre about searching for yourself on Amazon and finding your book there! But a few clicks later, and, there it was!!

I can still feel the heart-pounding, shaky, tingly, smiling from the inside out, beaming through every cell of my body feeling as I remember that moment. It was truly surreal and magical… a dream come true! It had taken two years to get to that point and many moments of wondering if I'd ever see that day - doubt, fear, self-criticism... they all could have stopped me at any point along the way.

Today I celebrate that moment because it represents the super-charged joy that comes from taking something that once felt impossible and bringing it into reality! I celebrate it for me and for those around me who I see taking a chance every day. I celebrate the times we step toward a greater goal even when things don't work out as we had hoped. Because at least we have tried.

The opportunities we take often become our most rewarding memories Buying a house, adopting a baby, changing careers, traveling across the world, putting in the proposal you never really expect to get, hosting your first art exhibit, starting a business, retiring, saying “yes” to that first date. These are all decisions that come with vulnerability, challenge, and uncertainty. There is no guarantee of success or happiness, but there is a satisfaction that comes from knowing that you felt the nudge, and you went for it.

Life is full of possibility, so make the choices that make you happy. The ones you know on some level you are meant to take. You should go for the opportunities that bring out your gifts, the ones that bring true joy, the ones that let you shine your light! Life is short. Life is uncertain. So, for heaven’s sake, go for the joy of being fully alive while you’re here! You don’t want to miss it.

Somewhere inside we all know when there’s a chance worth taking. It often comes with a strange blend of excitement and anxiety, although there's no real danger. Give yourself the possibility of finding amazing, unexpected joy, love, or the thrill of gazing at some creation that came about because you said “yes!”

Grant yourself moments of awe as you take in the beauty around you – in the art you’ve created, the vacation you’ve allowed yourself to take, the home you've created, or the loving relationship you dared to let in. Breathe it in – let it nourish your soul! These moments deserve to be scattered throughout your life!

Is there a place in your life where you’re holding back rather than going for something that is calling you? What would help you take that first step?

What chances have you taken and how have they been worth it?

Please join the discussion in the comments below! We love hearing from you.

If Not Now...

7/19/2018

There is a beautiful song by Carrie Newcomer called “If Not Now” that has been playing in my mind a lot lately (and in my car because it’s on my playlist and I love it). I love the way it reassures me that though there may be trouble, we will come together “to make the change we can.” I love how it reminds us that “we may never see this moment or place or time again,” which gives me pause.

It gives me pause because surely we will never see this moment again.

It reminds me once again (because somehow I seem to forget) that really all we have for sure is this moment. What’s already happened is in the past and cannot be changed. What’s to come, we have no idea. Life is plain and simple a series of unknown moments.

“And yet we’ll take the journey, and walk it hand in hand…” (Carrie sings) as we step forward into the next moment. Where that step will take us, we do not know. What will come of the seeds we plant is yet to be determined. And, still we must step and plant, finding faith that our actions and journey matter.

So, what is it that is calling to you right now that you’re putting off or avoiding? Sometimes we feel called to work that our heart knows is right for us but that scares us for one (or many) reasons. There may be causes that you’d like to support if only you knew how. Things you’d like to try but you don’t think you’re young enough, strong enough, or wise enough… If you find yourself feeling scared and excited about the possibility, it’s at least worth exploring.

Is there something you really want to do but you think you can’t until you retire, win the lottery or until the stars align just so? What would it be like if you went ahead and did it now?

Sometimes our stories of how things should beget in our way. When I asked my husband to re-marry me, he thought for a minute and said, “but isn’t it only our 24th?” implying that these types of events typically occur on landmark anniversaries. He’s right, but I wanted that recommitment ceremony then. That was the time we needed something fun to plan for and to look forward to, and we needed to recommit our love to one another within a circle of loved ones. Life had been hard for a long time. There was no reason to put it off for a year waiting for our 25th anniversary. We went ahead and created the event, despite some initial hesitation and concern that we couldn’t find a place or get people to come on a busy day in June. It remains one of the happiest, most meaningful days in our life.

What's Your "If not now...?"

Back to you… Are there relationships that need healing? Love waiting to be expressed? Kindness and compassion being withheld? Trips you long to take but you’re waiting for that one special celebration? A job situation you know is crushing your soul but it feels too hard to change?

I’ve known too many people who put off til tomorrow what they want to do today and then when the long-awaited time comes, they’re too sick or they die before they ever have a chance to experience the joy they were waiting for. Please don’t let this be you.

Two of my favorite mantras are “Why not, why wait?” and “Life is for living now!” I am not suggesting anyone be foolish with their finances or responsibilities, but I am inviting you to seriously think about what you’re putting off. Then ponder what the hesitation is about and see if there’s a way to move toward what you desire. Sincerely ask yourself, “Why not?” and give yourself an honest answer. Weigh out the pros and cons. Play out the scenarios… one where you go ahead and one where you don’t. How do you feel when you’ve said “yes” vs. when you’ve said “no?”

Thoughts? Please share in the comments to let us know what comes up for you in this exploration and if there are any commitments you’re making to yourself right now.

If I can support you through coaching or on a retreat, I’d love to! Check out what's available at Inspired Possibility and let me know if you have any questions.

P. S. Here’s Carrie Newcomer’s song, if you’d like to listen. Maybe now?