Blog Posts

Mom-life Identity Crisis by guest blogger, Dr. Rachel

5/4/2018

This post was originally posted on Dr. Rachel's blog at FitMama PDX

I have a dirty little secret...
Let me set the scene. This past weekend, I attended a continuing education course on body weight movement and strength training. I left the house bright and early both mornings, returning after 6pm both nights, leaving my husband to hang with our brood (Sierra 14, Jack 10 and Cooper 18 months).

It’s important to note that this is the longest single stretch that I had been away from Cooper since he was born, and that my husband gets a little flare of anxiety when left alone too long with what can only be described as an intensely energetic range of kiddos.

So, what’s the big secret?

I could feel the guilt mounting in the days leading up to the weekend. Should I take the time for myself? Should I see if I could bring the kids for some of the action so that the husband could get a break? Was I being selfish...all self-imposed guilt I might add.

And, here’s the part I really wasn't expecting.

When I rolled up at the end of my first day, exhausted and sweaty, I was shocked by my reaction. The day had been wonderful (for my family), filled with park time, successful nap time, and lots of ease. The house was even cleaner than I had left it that morning. So, why did I feel so damn sad? Instead of seeing this as a victory for all, I suddenly felt a panicky feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was no longer needed...my mom-life identity was being threatened.

Who was I if not the person who could run the house smoothly, anticipate needs before they were stated, and soothe a grumpy toddler?

We’ve all heard the term empty nest syndrome, but what about full nest syndrome?

All my kids are still under one roof, needy as ever, and I have longed for more free time to work on my business, health, life...But, once I had successfully taken this time, I found myself unable to appreciate the foundation of safety and security that we’ve established as a family.

The capable, awesome humans who can thrive without my constant presence hasn’t filled me with pride. It has instead left me with a huge feeling of emptiness.

WTF?

Here’s what happened next. I let my younger self surface, throw a mini-temper tantrum (for my husband’s eyes only), made a few ridiculous comments about how I should just plan to go away every weekend, or move to Canada, cried a little, had a restless night of sleep, had my ah-ha moment and then started to get REALLY EXCITED.

Why I am subjecting you to this story? Because, that’s how it goes with a mom-life crisis. We have these opportunities to find our ah-ha moments no matter where we are on the journey. There will come a time when you will be confronted by your own identity. The Daughter, Mom, Wife, Lover, Entrepreneur...

We use these titles to help describe the people we are in the world, but they are not WHO WE ARE. This past weekend I thought I was a physician learning safe and effective movement strategies to enhance strength and mobility by day, and a mother and wife by night. But, after sitting in the uncomfortable muck of emotion that surfaced, and toning down my ego, I realized that I am a strong, capable woman who works hard every day to show up with integrity, who has the power to give life, kiss scraped knees, laugh, love and cry all in one day.

Take a step back and think about all the hats you wear, your different identities. Now think about the person underneath all of that, the one who had the will, stamina and fortitude to get you where you are today. That is who you are. That is the person who gets hidden, or lost when we start to pin ourselves to a single word.

It's about balancing the person you are with all the hats that you wear, and never being afraid to ask for help in accomplishing your goals. That means being willing to ask your community for what you really need, and being willing to invest resources into your own health and well-being - not spending everything you have on your kids and leaving yourself high and dry!

If you can relate to the idea of having a mom-life crisis, or you’ve ever found yourself floundering between what you think you should do, and what you know you want, I invite you to take a look at my One Page Wellness Consult over here. It’s my way of helping you find your footing. By taking simple, effective and efficient steps towards your health goals you become just a little more YOU.

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What Will You Do with This Day?

5/1/2018

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Your time and energy are precious and limited

There will always be more undone than done... in a day, a week, a quarter, a vacation, a lifetime... Once I truly got this deep down in my gut, it was a huge ah-ha moment!
It allowed me to get real about what's "enough!"

When we accept this reality, we get to choose in each moment how we want to spend our precious time and energy. We get to choose what is enough for us, moment to moment.

So today, how will you choose to spend your precious time? And can you be ok with letting the rest go for now? It is Sunday after all... and the sun might be shining! What would bring you sheer delight?
Go for it!! I am cheering you on with much love!

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Self-Care… Where Everything else Begins

4/12/2018

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I wasn’t introduced to the idea of self-care as a regular, ongoing, sustaining practice until 4 years ago… I was almost 50 years old! That’s a pretty long time to live without having any conscious awareness that it was vitally important to make my own wellbeing a priority.

A long time to go without thinking of self-care as anything other than an occasional massage or pedicure or anything beyond routine maintenance (brushing my teeth, exercising, eating well, or getting a haircut). A very long time to hold the belief that everyone else’s needs were more important than my own.

A long time to believe that self-care was luxurious – only for the rich and famous! Certainly not for someone who was a mom working full-time. Self-care was for those who could afford a spa weekend, a decadent vacation, indulgent time for getting away. Yes, this is honestly the belief I held as I think about it now. Wow!

Thankfully, in 2014 a friend invited me to a retreat with my now dear friend, mentor, and self-proclaimed self-care evangelist, Renee Trudeau. I don’t remember the title of the retreat and had never heard of Renee, but I do remember my heart skipping a beat and my breath catching in my throat as I took in the title of her book, The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate, and Re-Balance Your Life! Whoa!! So many powerful words in just one title…

Self-Renewal
What the heck is that??

Reclaim
Wait…what?? How is that possible? I’ve been known as my boys’ mom for 20 years now. Do I really have a life of my own out there waiting for me to reclaim it? Ooooohhhh… I wonder what might be out there in that vast unknown territory!

Rejuvenate
Yeah, I get that one, and I definitely need a little infusion of rejuvenation in this worn-out, exhausted body and soul! Sign me up!!

Re-Balance…
Balance?? What’s that? I’ve pretty much been trained and conditioned to believe that I am here for the sole purpose of taking care of others. Making sure my kids are happy, healthy, entertained, and well-socialized. Making sure the program I managed was also happy, healthy, and thriving – that the people who worked for me were taken care of and had the support they needed. Taking care of my mom since I was a teen…

These were pretty novel and foreign concepts that instantly awakened my heart with a deep yearning!

It is not an exaggeration to say that that weekend in January 2014 turned my life around completely, personally and professionally. Sitting in a circle of about 50 women, I saw that only a handful of us even knew it was OK for us to be there. Since then, I have committed my work to supporting others in making self-care part of daily living. We all need it.

Self-care is NOT:
Self-care is NOT one more thing on your to-do list.
Self-care is not something you can accomplish and check off your list!
Self-care is not even something you can master.

Self-care IS:
Self-care IS a practice. A practice that runs counter to our cultural conditioning. To take it on is not easy. To stay with it… even harder. Until you really have worked with it long enough that it’s truly integrated into your life, you cannot know how strongly this practice sustains you. You need to give it a go to see how it can carry you through your darkest times and most difficult struggles.

We, as women, truly believe that we are meant to be able to do it all. You know that old song, “I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan…” Yeah, yeah, yeah… sure you can! Well, you probably can and you probably have. And, maybe it’s taking a toll on you today! This mindset has done a number on us, pushing us to do more, be more, and give more… endlessly. Even putting our own wellbeing at stake.

A Real-Life Example
Recently a friend (who is a very politically active working single mom of twins!) posted about giving herself the gift of some time off. She caught herself with this stretch of open time – time that could have been a great time to “get a lot done.” Her first response was to chastise herself for “wasting time taking care of herself.” Ouch!

Thankfully, she stopped herself and saw how often she tries to rationalize her self-care, believing she needs to defend it or deserve it in order to have it (after all, she truly does give so much to so many others!). She also realized that she did not need to justify, defend, or deserve it! She saw that self-care does not depend on worth, but that it is a critical need, just like breath. Hallelujah!

Self-care is our Birthright
You see, my friends, self-care is our birthright. It’s our obligation. After all, we’ve been given these bodies and these lives. We are here to make a contribution. If we don’t care for ourselves, who will? If we don’t care for our bodies and lives, how will we be able to show up for anything or anyone else? How can we possibly bring forth our gifts to make the world a better place if we are stressed out and depleted to the max??

It has to begin at home. With us caring for ourselves. Self-care means to know yourself well enough that you know what your needs and desires are.

Self-care is all about honoring yourself, at least as well you honor everyone else in your life, if not better.

Self-care requires time. Time to slow down. Time to quiet the outside noise. Time to be with yourself to listen to the inner wisdom and guidance of your heart, your soul, and your body. Can you imagine time better spent?

The Challenge?
We feel we don’t have time for this one vital piece of life! And yet, you can’t afford to not commit this time to yourself. Your health depends on it. Your joy depends on it. And, your legacy depends on it!

When you give yourself the gift of time and space, you can discern what works for you. You can discover YOUR way of doing things. Where are you called to serve? What is yours to do? What isn’t? What can you let go of that no longer serves or fulfills you? What boundaries do you want to set for your own wellbeing?

Please share with us how this lands for you. What might you try for the next few days or weeks? We’d love to hear your reflection and insight.

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Just Pause...

2/19/2018

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In the wake of another school shooting in the US, I didn’t know what to write this week. The shooting and the ensuing endless arguments of blame that came from it, along with round the clock news coverage, hit me hard. In the sadness, heartache, grief, and anger I’ve been feeling, I knew for sure that I didn’t want to jump over what might be stirring within you. I didn’t want to rush to find a silver lining or lesson or even try to be inspiring.

Then I realized what I could offer is one of the most powerful tools I have discovered. I could offer the power of the pause.

Pause. Stop. Breathe.

It’s here in this stillness you can find some clarity. Here you can find some grounding. Here you can tap your own intelligence and guidance.

A pause is powerful because it breaks the chain of reactivity. It stops the rapid fire keyboarding response to Facebook or twitter posts that have elevated your blood pressure to new heights.

A pause allows you to step back for a moment, to take a breath, and to remember who you are, what you stand for, and to decide what you want to say or do in any moment, particularly the heated ones.

A pause may open you up to new perspective, to new insight, or perhaps a willingness to listen to a differing point of view.

A pause allows you to respond or act more intelligently, more thoughtfully, more likely in a way that aligns with your values and your heart.

A pause breaks the cycle of reactivity. That is definitely something we could use these days. Fewer people launching themselves willy nilly into the spinning frenzy without first calming themselves down a bit - what would that be like?

A pause does not mean you will not speak out or you will not act. Nor does it mean you will not feel anger or sadness. But it greatly improves your chances of speaking and acting wisely. It improves the odds that you will connect with your compassionate heart.

Pause allows you time and space to feel what’s here in this moment. To grieve, to let the tears fall, to let your body ache with pain and sadness, to allow the anger to boil. To allow yourself to be overcome by emotion. Pausing is an act of kindness and compassion - for yourself and for others.

There is very little in life that requires an immediate response. We’ve only been mislead to believe that we need to jump right away. We act as if we do (I know this is a trap I have fallen into many times). Yet when we do, we often only add to the mess, rather than bring forth any sort of helpful dialogue or solution.

Before you take to the streets, pick up the phone, strike the keyboard, or open your mouth, give yourself and those you will interact with the gift of pause.

Whatever you are facing that gets your heart racing - a societal outrage, a problem with a loved one, a challenge at work, losing your job, getting a frightful diagnosis… allow yourself the grace of a pause. See what becomes possible when you do. You will most certainly see a little more clearly.

Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles
and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?”
- Lao Tzu

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In This Moment...

1/29/2018

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Go ahead, pause, breathe, and check in…
In this moment, what do you notice? What are you feeling, thinking, sensing in your body?

Taking a moment to tune in is one of the best ways to bring yourself into presence.

And bringing ourselves into presence is one of the best ways of stepping out of future worry or past regret. It’s one of the best ways to find peace that has nothing to do with anyone or anything outside of yourself.

“In this moment…” is a phrase that has supported me when I otherwise might slip into agitation or concern about something beyond my control. Perhaps “in this moment” has let me see that, in reality, there is very little within my control after all. But, in this moment, I can notice and appreciate what’s here. And let go of what’s out there, beyond my immediate reality.

“In this moment” has supported me and allowed me to surrender… to allow or acknowledge what is really happening rather than slipping into resistance or “it shouldn’t be this way!” (click here if you’d like to see my humorously sideways look at the idea of surrender). Only after I acknowledge what is true can I decide whether there is an action for me to take or not. It allows me to begin to choose how to act or respond accordingly.

“In this moment” deepens my gratitude practice. For example, even when there’s a storm raging outside, in this moment, I take the time to notice and appreciate that I am in a warm house with the love of my life, we are safe and sound, and I can breathe in gratitude for that. Even if there are a million things on my to-do list tugging at me (which there invariably are), if I’m at yoga class I can bring myself back to my practice and appreciate that I am taking the time to strengthen and care for myself.

Even when things are not be going the way I want in my life, I can pause and appreciate what’s here. I can almost always find something to be grateful for, no matter how much distress I’m in.

“In this moment” also allows me to focus on what’s before me right now. What task do I need to complete? (for me right now it’s writing this blog to get out to you!) One thing at a time… no multitasking. Being with what needs my full attention right now. Maybe making a note or two in my calendar for next things that I will get to when their time comes.

How might “in this moment” support you? Give it a try and let us know.

Pause – breathe – bring yourself into presence… what is truly here right now?

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How Might Gratitude Support You?

11/22/2017

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At this time of year gratitude and thankfulness are everywhere. So I have been reflecting on how gratitude serves us, particularly when times are tough.

Gratitude in times of Transition

Transition and change, whether they are wanted or not, are uncomfortable and challenging. They rock our world and throw us into unfamiliar and even more uncertain than usual territory. Recently having gone through a big move, I’ve had a chance to feel this earth-shattering reality, even though I was making a change I very much wanted.

One of the things that kept me grounded throughout the ups and downs of house buying and selling was my daily gratitude practice. Why? Because at times when I was irrationally terrified, it balanced my perspective with a look at the things that were at least all right in my daily life. It offset the natural human tendency to look at what’s wrong or anticipate the next disaster that might be lurking just around the corner.

When I was filled with excitement, joy, and eager anticipation, gratitude helped me to celebrate and take that in. As much as we have a tendency to notice the “negative,” we also often seem to be conditioned to downplay or dismiss “positive” moments. The pause of appreciative reflection allows us to take in and enjoy these happy moments.

What is Gratitude?

Gratitude is about noticing things we appreciate and coming into relationship with what IS. Sometimes we can even be grateful for fear, anger, or sadness because they reveal something to me that needs to be seen – they uncover a layer of reality. Gratitude isn’t always about sunshine and rainbows! It also isn’t about jumping over sad, angry or fearful feelings to get to a place of feeling good or looking for the silver lining. But, it can help open us to see beyond what’s right in front of us that may feel all-consuming.

How Can Gratitude Support Me?

So, how might gratitude support you if you are going through a transition? If you’ve recently lost a job or a relationship, and you’re not sure what lies ahead, it might be tough to see or feel anything positive. But if you were to take a few moments each day to find even the smallest thing to appreciate, it could shift not only your view of life but how you show up in life, to your family, and to the world at large (including to people you might be interviewing with or asking for support).

Research has shown that people who practice gratitude are healthier, have more optimism and happiness, create stronger relationships, and are more generous. These sound like traits of someone I’d want to be around (or hire!)… how about you?

What IS a Gratitude Practice?

What’s a gratitude practice look like? Whatever you want it to! The key is to not make it a big “to do” or one more thing to add to your list of tasks to complete. Find a way to bring in gratitude that feels supportive and nourishing for you. Different things work for different people. The first step is to slow down enough to even make the inquiry and notice what am I grateful for? If you’re not in the habit of thinking this way or asking yourself that question, it may take a while to shift from your regularly programmed thinking.

Here are some ideas to get you started. Maybe upon waking you reflect on a few things you are grateful for before you even get out of bed; this is a beautiful way to start your day and can really influence how you approach whatever is before you. You might want to keep a gratitude journal and jot down things you appreciate throughout the day. Perhaps what works for you is an evening reflection before bed. It’s a soothing bedtime routine and a great counter to the all too common thought that often creeps in that says “That day was a waste.” or “Wow, what a horrible day I had!” It doesn’t matter whether you write, mentally note, or speak out loud your gratitude as long as you’ve taken some time to notice and acknowledge it.

Even on some of my most horrible days, I’ve been able to find things that I am truly, honestly grateful for – the cleansing tears that allowed my broken heart to crack open a little bit more and relieved me of having to hold it together; having a pillow to scream into and punch when my anger consumed me; loud music and a good car scream; the friend who made me laugh even when I wanted to cry or the friend who simply sat with me and let me feel what I was feeling.

Don’t know where to get started? How about appreciating having clean air to breathe, fresh running water to drink, sunshine, a roof over your head, a fresh idea, or the beauty of birdsong. Don’t force it. Begin with what feels true to you. Notice something you truly do appreciate. Then mentally reflect, write it, draw it, paint it, sing it, share it with a loved one… whatever works for you!

If you’d like some practices to support you in cultivating gratitude, you might visit Greater Good In Action, where you will find several simple meditations and exercises to get you started or to enhance an existing practice.

Have fun exploring how gratitude might support you. Please let us know what you discover!!

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Just a Little Light...

7/2/2017

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I was asked to write about the theme of “just a little light” this month. So many possibilities arose of where I could take it… Let your light shine; Marianne Williiamson’s famous quote, “It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us;” what lights you up? lighten up; take a lighthearted approach; light vs. dark. So many choices.

What I landed on is a reflection of the light we all have within us – what my friend, Janet Rozzi, calls our “inner pilot light.” I love this image because it reminds me that even when we can’t feel it, there is always a flicker of a flame burning below the surface, just waiting to be ignited.

You know those moments of intense aliveness when you can feel the fire burning in your belly, lighting you up from inside with excitement, love, joy, or even anticipation?? We all have those from time to time, but if we were to try to sustain this level of intensity, we would burn out!

And, then there are the moments of darkness when we barely feel a spark at all. We feel as if we are lost in the shadows, unable to find our way out. Our light has dimmed to such a low level that its power does not fuel us or feed us in a palpable way.

For most of us, those experiences represent the extremes. Most of the time we are living more in a mid-range experience – not too hot, not too cold; not too bright, not too dark. And, therefore, we barely notice the light at all.

So, it’s a good practice to remember that this light is in there, guiding us through our days, shining a beacon of possibility into the dark hours. Take moments of quiet and stillness to tune into it, to feel the aliveness gently burning within. Meet yourself where you are and notice what you need.

Through gentle inquiry, ask yourself what it is that would fan the flames to stoke the fire of vitality? Just as fire needs oxygen to fuel its flames, often times with us, breath is the perfect life-bringing force. Simply begin with the breath. Notice the expansion throughout your body and the calming of your mind as you slowly and deeply breathe in and then exhale completely.

You can also notice what it is it that causes your light to darken or dim. What changes or choices could you make to bring more light, more brightness to your days?

Remembering that we are never in a static state of blissful brightness or eternal darkness helps us to remember that we have many choices. We begin with ourselves where we are and gently nurture whatever light is there.

If we’re feeling particularly dark, we remember that we have ways to bring that sparkle back. Sometimes simply by thinking of something or someone that brings us joy can bring a smile that radiates through the eyes. We’ve all seen the people who have a glistening sparkle in their eye, and we’ve each been that person at times. What is it we want to bring in or let go of to amp up the sparkle that begins deep in our core?

Marianne Williamson’s quote closes with these words: “And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

How might we be the light and bring the light today? What difference could that make in the world?

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Softening the Gaze on a Dream

6/23/2017

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Sometimes what we are very attached to as our “dream” house, mate, or job may be more of an imagined illusion than reality. We see and hear what we want to or we create a rich fantasy story around what things will be like with this person, place or role.

We become attached to it, holding on for dear life, grasping what we want to be true. We move forward with blinders that block even the largest of red flags. And, we tell ourselves, over and over, This is the one! I know it! I can feel it!! And, sometimes we entrench ourselves so deeply that it’s hard to find our way out again.

Evidence may even mount that it might be time to reconsider, but we are so married to our idealized view that we can’t (or won’t) let go.

This is really fresh for me right now. Ever since I was a young girl, spending summers on a lake at our family cottage, I have wanted badly (desperately even) to live on a lake. My heart has never let go of this dream, even though most of me has never really believed it could happen.

A month ago I got a hit that it was time to make this move. My husband was immediately on board, and off we went… searching many lakes within a couple hour radius, spending way too many hours online scouring listings, driving hundreds of miles and seeing a lot of junk!

Then we found It (with a capital I!)! And, even though we kept on looking, we kept returning to It. It was unique and charming, and had everything we wanted (minus a few hundred square feet, but we decided we could manage a major downsize at this time). We visited several times and began making plans for our life in this new idyllic lake house. We began purging and cleaning like crazy to get our house ready to sell, and most of our life took a backseat to this venture. We willingly and eagerly poured in most of our time and energy to moving. And, we were excited – so excited to begin this new chapter of our life where we imagined peace, serenity, creativity, and community… We were deeply enmeshed.

Then came the inspection. We expected it to be a formality that would simply move us onto the next phase toward living here. We were even inclined to dismiss some of the findings in favor of the fantasy. But, thankfully, my inner guidance woke me up at 4:30 the next morning and smacked me between the eyes! HEAT! Heat is kind of a big deal here in Western New York!! The inspector had said in multiple ways, that for a variety of reasons we might be cold (as might our pipes)…

The dream came crashing in. First came terror. What had we gotten ourselves into, and what do we do when we’re this far into the process?? Secondly, over a period of time, the sadness and grief of loss for this envisioned future seeped in and hit me so hard that it was almost paralyzing. Everything had been wrapped up in this dream.

Thank goodness my husband and I each have ways to ground ourselves and clear our heads. Letting ourselves be willing to see the truth of the situation allowed us to provide a thoughtful response about the work needed for us to feel comfortable moving forward. We still wanted the house if it could be fixed up the way we had envisioned it to be, though we knew our request was unlikely to be met.

So began the process of letting go of the dream.

When we let go of dreams, overwhelm and disappointment can come rushing in. It is easy to wonder if we have to let go of the whole dream altogether. This happened for me, but thankfully, I’ve realized that the dream itself is not lost. It was just this version of the dream that no longer fit.

The essence of the dream is still there, and now it’s time to move on to find the right package for it.

To do that, we need to tap into the core of the dream. For me, it is the feeling that comes from imagining life on the water that pulls me forward, even when things seem impossibly frustrating.

So, whether it’s a job, a house, or a relationship, sometimes it’s a good thing to have a firm reality check. Is this really what I think it is? Or, do I just wish that it were? When the veil of illusion is lifted, we become free to move forward again. Perhaps toward a better fit.

It may feel like a screeching, twisting, fast-paced roller coaster ride that all of a sudden slams to a halt, and we want to let out a blood curdling shriek! However, it’s better to know now than in January when the fantasy vanishes and your pipes freeze and break. Or 5 years into the job or relationship and your heart breaks.

When we soften our gaze on our dream, we can see it for what it really is rather than being fixated on obtaining it no matter what. We can tune into the qualities we are seeking and look around for them, rather than going after this particular thing like a cat in full body tension, ready to pounce on its prey. This isn’t about survival, after all. It is about finding what will be deeply nourishing. Only from a place of discernment without grasping or clinging can we discover what that might be.

What dream is calling you? Are you able to tune into the seed of that dream or are you being pulled off course by some imagined “it?”

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I Never Imagined...

3/29/2017

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Ever notice how life doesn’t always go exactly as planned?? Sometimes it’s far grander that we could have dreamed and other times far more tumultuous than we ever would have thought possible. It’s taken me 50 years to figure out that’s how life is. As much as we want to believe we can control or plan it, the majority of life is unknown and unexpected, for better or for worse. As much as we long to be able to prepare for it, we often can’t.

For instance, I never imagined that I’d be going to Texas next week on a book tour with a book I never imagined I’d write. I knew I would write A book one day. In fact I had two others already started when I attended the workshop where this one emerged. I just never would have envisioned the one that actually came through me.

I also never imagined that out of my darkest days, the truest, strongest expression of myself would arise; that I would really come to discover and know myself through the toughest times of life. I would never have imagined how many people this is true for.

I never imagined that it would take a drop-down drag ‘em out fight with life to learn how vital self-care is. I never imagined that slowing down and really replenishing oneself would allow for more creativity than any amount of pushing or driving ever could.

I never imagined the teachers who would show up in my life – at just the right time (though why I didn’t imagine that I don’t know!). I never imagined the outpouring of love and support that is available. I also never imagined having friends and colleagues all over the globe.

I certainly never imagined I would one day be considered an “entrepreneur” and have a business doing work that I love, supporting other people to honor and express their authentic selves. And, yet here I am… working with people who find themselves in lives that they never imagined.

So, because I know that I don’t have any super powers that others don’t also possess, all I can figure out is that at some point I must have been able to begin to imagine what might be possible. All creation begins with a thought, and out of imagination, inspired action springs forth. It isn’t about striving or wishing for something.

As Thich Nhat Hanh says in You Are Here: Discovering the Magic of the Present Moment, “What you are looking for is already in you...You already are everything you are seeking.” When we realize this, it’s easier to settle into a space of noticing and being with what arises within us.

We get inklings all the time of things that want our attention or energy. We get little clues about work that wants us to step up to it. We have ideas that excite us. We get intuitive hits that something or someone is right for us. It’s as if there is an internal switchboard lighting up within us all the time – if only we are able to notice.

The question is – what do you do in those moments, with these lights? Do you say, No way… not me! or I can’t take this on - surely this must be for someone else? Or do you take a step along the path, daring to dream, that maybe, just maybe this might be the thing for you? Do you trust to reach out to the person you’re feeling drawn to? How do you discern what to do in this moment?

What’s calling to you right now that you might really like to pursue? Do you have the energy and resources to go for it? What might you dare to imagine and where might it take you? I imagine you considering your possibilities.

Please share with us in the comments below…

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There’s Never Been a Better Time for Self-Care

2/9/2017

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There’s never been a better time to take really good care of yourself than now. And, while I think that statement is always true, I think it’s particularly true now. We are living in a time of so much uncertainty and so much disruption. No matter your political views or your level of engagement in activism, it would be hard to be immune from feeling the effects of the energy swirling in the US and across the globe these days.

Now is the perfect time to come home to yourself – back to your own heart, back to your own wisdom, back to your own strength. It’s time to be well-resourced so that you have energy for your creativity, your contribution, and your presence in the world. You must be well-resourced in order to show up to the people and things in your life that matter most. You can’t really fully be there for your loved ones, your clients, or your work if you’re not well-cared for. And, you must be well-resourced for yourself – so that you stay healthy and strong to live the full life you’re here to live.

Self-care doesn’t have to be big or grand, and we certainly don’t want it to become one more thing on an already overwhelming to-do list! No! That’s not what I’m talking about when I talk about self-care. I’m talking about what my mentor, Renee Trudeau, defines self-care as: “the art of attuning and responding to your needs and desires, moment to moment.” This is an in the moment thing, my friends! It is a practice, an art that develops over time. And, it doesn’t have to be hard or take a lot of time.

I’ve been thinking about mini moments of self-care, because most of us don’t have an ounce of extra energy, and we can’t imagine finding more time in a typical day. So, what might be a mini moment that would help rejuvenate, restore, and nourish you? Here are some ideas to get you started:

Breath - take a few minutes to connect with your breath – closing your eyes to shut out distractions if you can, maybe putting a hand on your heart and another on your belly, and just notice. Where does your breath come in? Where do you feel its movement most clearly? Is it deep or shallow? smooth or jagged? Just be with it and notice if it slows or deepens as you stay with it… eventually you might want to invite the exhale to be just a little longer than the inhale, getting rid of that stale air as you bring in fresh.

Music – put on a song that lifts you up, energizes, soothes or inspires you (what is it you need right now?) and dance and sing along… let your body and voice move as a way to get your own energy moving and as a way to find some joy or comfort!

Rest – lying down and letting your body be horizontal, even for a few minutes is soothing to your nervous system. It does not have to be a full-blown nap. But, if you have 20 minutes, close your eyes, drift away, and take it!

   Fresh Air! – get outside to be in nature even if only for a few moments – take a breath of that fresh air into your lungs and find refreshment. If you can go for a walk, whether it be around the city block or in the woods, notice and connect with the nature around you – trees, birds, breeze, snow, sunshine… there is something enlivening about being with nature.

  Journaling – take a few minutes to do a short journaling. This could be simply to brain dump whatever’s on your mind and in your heart or you could do an exploration into deeper connection with yourself, asking and answering a question like “What is it that I most desire right now?” or looking at a bigger one like, “The life I envision is…” It’s amazing the wisdom that rises up when we give ourselves a few minutes to write without thinking or stopping.

  Create – get out some watercolors and paint away – see what wants to be expressed today; knit; craft with clay; make a collage; color or draw a mandala – all of these things are great ways to tap the creative part of our brain and get out of the thinking mind, which may really need a rest.

  Connect – connect with other people in person or by phone so that you can be seen and heard and have a chance to share laughter and struggle with someone else. Knowing we are not alone is really powerful. It can be really tempting to isolate when we’re feeling overwhelmed or down, so sometimes this one takes a conscious effort. The rewards are well worth it.

  Sprinkle in some JOY! – have something to look forward to each and every day that makes you happy, makes you laugh, warms your heart, or just brings in a gentle sense of contentment… there’s room for it every day, even in the darkest of times.

What ideas do you have? I’d love to hear yours in the comments below – we are each other’s teachers!

Self-care definitely needs to come in mini moments over and over again throughout the day. There are also times when it’s great to take a longer period of time to really fill up your own well if you can. Give yourself a half day or full day to simply listen to your heart and gut – what is it that would be nourishing, joyful, or healing for you today? Be willing to be surprised and be willing to change your “plan” if you start something and find out it isn’t filling you up as you had hoped. This isn’t about making plans or commitments – it’s about learning to listen to your own guidance and being gentle with yourself as it comes.

If you’d like a longer stint of self-care immersion, take a weekend or week-long retreat – alone or with a group. Retreats give you a chance to turn off the phone and computer, to step away from daily demands, and to create space for you – to go within and see what really needs your attention right now. Retreats are a time for your mind to relax, your body to rest, and all of you to slow down.

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About me...

I am a writer, coach, and teacher, and I love capturing life's many moments through writing, whether that be journalling, blogging, poetry, or essay. I have always found the written word as a natural way for me to express what lies within.

This is the space where we get real. I will write about my life experiences and things that I find my clients encounter in their daily lives.

What's real for you? What would you like me to write about? Feel free to share with me topics you would like to see discussed and please join in the dialogue through the comment section. Your engagement makes the blog a much richer place to hang out!

Thank you for joining me on this journey!!

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